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part 3 of Lucifer aus bc I can see Sam training rats like Judd Birch trains raccoons (2:20, can't find the actual clip lol). anyway pt 1 snake dad!sam, pt 2 lizard dad!sam

Rat owner!Sam ft. Lucifer the rat

ALWAYS sending you those 0.5/up close fish eye lens pictures of Lucifer doing literally anything

fully expected you to freak out when you found out he had a pet rat

nope

you started cuddling him and singing to him like a disney princess

that was the day he started calling you Lucifer's mommy/other daddy/other parent. but ONLY when no one else is there

likes that his mom is still freaked out by it

one of the fastest ways he can keep the rest of his family out of his fucking room and stop them from just barging in is by telling them he's letting Lucifer out

rat running around free range = door closed

affectionately calls Lucifer a fat fuck

will KILL anyone else who tries to bodyshame his son

acts like he hates it when you baby talk Lucifer or make him little tiny hats and teddy bears. he loves it.

"are you a little chunkster? you a chunky lil baby, hmm? yes you are..." (smooching noises + happy rat noises) "you're a lil Swedish meatball baby, an absolute chode. oh my god you would look so cute with a little pair of sunglasses!"

Sam has no idea where the hell you keep finding clothes and accessories and all this other stuff small enough for a rat. Like he's genuinely shocked. (it's old barbie clothes. That's it that's the secret. you just keep putting his rat in barbie heels and giving him little purses and plushies and coffee cups made for fashion dolls.)

also there's a good chance you get really into diy miniatures just for Lucifer. Sam acts like it's dumb and unnecessary but actually dies inside at how much it means to him that you're spoiling his lil guy with him <3

will lie to other people and say he just found Lucifer in the street or some basement or a gutter or something to scare them

more reader n Lucifer pics Sam has (and is obsessed with)

also. your FAVORITE photo of Lucifer and Sammy <3

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Part 2 of Sam Monroe's pet Lucifer aus (I am convinced Lucie is a shapeshifter atp /j) snake dad!sam aka pt1, rat dad!sam aka pt 3

Lizard dad!Sam ft. Lucifer the frilled dragon

frilled dragon!Lucifer has a fucking ATTITUDE. let's get that out of the way first lol

every time Sam is complaining to you about it you're just like well.... ofc he does. he gets it from his daddy.

chokes on his SPIT when he hears you call him the d word

he frills around you the first couple times you see him, and Sam explains they mostly do that when they're nervous or threatened

you start being so deliberately sweet around Lucifer it makes Sam's chest ache

You walk up slowly to his enclosure, keep yourself low to the ground, and speak in a soft voice.

"Hi baby... how are you feelin' today? You staying moist? Your daddy tells me you gotta keep those pretty scales hydrated..."

again with the d word are you trying to kill him?????

it must be the same way you essentially domesticated Sam, because after a while Lucifer really warms up to you

there are some days where he's being such a picky eater that Sam doesn't even know what to do with him

but the minute you come over and hold this irritable, aggressive little lizard in your arms, scolding him like a baby and talking all sweet to him, that's when he decides to eat

Sam probably gives you the rest of Lucifer's food and gets up to put the bag away, shaking his head and muttering something like "you're both fucking impossible..."

but he turns away because he doesn't want you to see him almost smiling

I was gonna add diverse/inclusive pics of ppl holding lizards but I can't find any that aren't basically stockphotos!! regardless know that this is a space inclusive of all reader inserts <3

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Okay okay so as an arachnophobic bitch I've long since had headcanons for alternate pets Sam Monroe would have (all named Lucifer ofc) so here's part 1 because Sam RADIATES snake owner energy to me

Also dw next two will not be snakes lol pt 2 lizard dad!sam, pt 3 rat dad!sam

Snake owner!Sam ft. Lucifer the ball python

Probably got him when he was either a lil baby or still an egg tbh

DEFINITELY got him in secret to piss off his parents

Or possibly used the divorce as a bargaining chip to get a pet that he got to choose

Has a drawer with Lucifer's shedded skins bc they're cool (he also secretly gets nostalgic looking at the smaller/old ones)

Will ABSOLUTELY let you feed him if you want to

But if you're sensitive and/or hyper empathic like I am

(or as Sam affectionally puts it "such a fucking crybaby" he wants to lick the tears off your face)

he has to spend like 20 minutes explaining to you that all Lucifer's food is ethically and humanely sourced, that Lucifer is just a prey animal and it's really no different than any other meat in the freezer

also he only needs to eat about once every two weeks so it's not like some family guy cutaway to a veal farm

You feel better and calm down but still sniffle a little and ask him to thank the mice or rats before the next time he feeds Lucifer

he brushes you off but uh. yeah. he does. you're probably not even in the room when he does it

also at the end of this whole conversation he leaves to grab something and when he comes back in he sees you snuggling Lucifer and kissing his head. You're holding him and he's looking right at you with rapt attention as you babble all sweet and teary, "'s not your fault baby, mommy not mad at you.... such a sweet lil linguini noodle, aren't you?"

Lucifer flicks his tongue out and you giggle cut to "and that was the moment I knew I was going to marry you" speech at your wedding

also yes Sammy does have about a trillion pictures of Lucifer hiding in your hair (however you style it)

edit: FORGOT TO FUCKING MENTION Sam will ABSOLUTELY casually wear Lucifer out with you in public. if you're from a small town you've probably seen/had at least ONE scary looking snake wearing guy just chilling in an empty 7/11 parking lot in flip flops and a limp bizkit shirt with a snake around his shoulders or crawling in and out of his gauges. That's Sam.

best part is this ADDS to his scary dog privileges!! when you go out and he has Lucifer chilling on both of you AND his arm around your shoulder???

NO ONE will even fucking look at you. Which is exactly how Sammy likes it.

more hair textures/styles + Lucifer <3 (I couldn't find a ton but tried to include a good mix. smooches.)

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Being best friends with Dave means you have a front row seat to his complaints about being inexperienced and single. How is Katie Deauxma going to fall him like this? That's where you come in, if he was actually dating someone, people would take notice! And of course you'd have to kiss to really sell it. After all, what are best friends for? -🍒 anon

I AM. SO DEEPLY OBSESSED WITH THIS YOU HAVE NO IDEA. cherries anon my dearest and darling. You get it. Every ask you send fucking SLAPS. 

I’ve talked about this before but the real reason girls “don’t notice” Dave is because you, his best friend, are scaring away the hoes. So hard. It started years ago right before you started high school. You noticed the girls who used to bully Dave and say mean shit behind his back starting to give him looks and talk about inviting him to boy girl parties the moment he started getting taller and sort of growing into himself. And you HATED that shit. So you did what any reasonable, self respecting best friend would do - launched an attack of psychological warfare, unspoken threats, and mind games on every girl who tried to pull shit with him. And it worked for a very long time. 

Then came the… lovely. Katie Deauxma. You don’t like Katie. You have never liked Katie. And those feelings were only amplified when Dave started crushing on her. But you’re strategic enough to use this to your advantage. You’ve mentioned the whole “girl communication” “girl world” “it’s how girls fight sometimes”. You’ve tried to explain the real meaning behind someone saying you quote, rock a lot of polka dots, or how saying you should TOTALLY get bangs usually translates to I’m praying for your downfall! But sweet sweet Dave… he just does not get it. You’ve watched mean girls with him at least half a dozen times and he just is not picking up on what you’re putting down despite his best efforts. He is always left confused but trying to get the spirit. He still thinks Stuart means mouse. Or little means mouse?? 

He starts talking about Katie and Katie more and more. The more he tries to catch her attention, the more you ward her off with that feral, hawk like intensity. But you’re always there to comfort Dave, your sweet lil pookie. Of course you are. He’s procrastinating his homework again while he laments to you. 

“I mean, how am I supposed to impress her like this?” He asks, pacing his room before slumping down into his desk chair. “I’m totally hopeless. There’s no way I’d ever have a chance with her. And even if I did, I’d probably do something embarrassing, like get my glasses tangled in her hair, or bite the wrong lip.” You chuckle, and he gives you a reluctant smile. “You think this is funny?” He tries to sound reprimanding, but it comes out as more whiny. He’s looking at you for validation, for input, for your ever insightful readings into the nuances of girl world. “No, it’s just…” you sigh a little. You give him a sheepish, regretful look. “You’re kind of right. Girls… we can sniff that kind of thing out.”

He lets out a little crestfallen gasp as he hangs on your every word. You push off from where you’re standing and walk over to him, giving him a scrutinizing look. “Can you… I- I mean, how do I fix it?” I asks desperately. You have to bite back a smile of pure satisfaction as you play him like a fiddle. 

“Well, I guess I could help…” You barely get the words out before he’s springing up and begging. “Please! Yes, yes help. Please help. I- I mean, look at me. If anyone needs help, if anyone needed help in the history of the world, it’s-” He sputters, dropping to his knees and grabbing your hands. He looks up at you with those big puppy dog eyes as he pleads, his voice getting all wavery in a way that makes you clitty throb and kitty sob. So you put him out of his misery and agree. You tell him you’ll only help him if he does whatever you say without asking questions and he agrees before you finish getting your condition out. That’s when you know you have him locked and loaded. You know two things - all boys become at least a little obsessed with their first, and girls can sense when a guy is messing around with someone that’s not them. 

So really you’re killing two birds with one stone here. You soak up every moment of his face as you start slowly breaking him in, teaching him how to kiss, teaching him how to touch. You justify it as doing him such a big favor, helping out your best friend. And between that and the way he creams his pants at least three or four times just from your first makeout session, you know he has no reason to question you. And you know that knowing him as well as you do, if any other girls manage to kiss him (which they won’t), nothing they say or do will EVER be able to hold a candle to Dave getting free reign of his smoking hot best friend’s tight little body, of grabbing so much boob that he cries a little while you use him like a fucking toy, dry humping him until he’s seeing stars. 

…Yeah. Katie is the last thing he’s thinking about now. Or ever. 

@cherriesanon

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"How's your stark tower project going? You're probably doing all kinds of silly fun stuff like making up robots lol"

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anyway uhhhhhhhh who want a fuckin realistic stark industries id and visitor pass template whipped up in canva by yours truly?? have fun bc I sure as shootin am!!!

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Sjjememdj

Leo eating a sleepy reader out 💔💔

PLEAse I'm ovulating for this man 😔

I. BABES. You know that trend where someone will say all their dog’s favorite words or boyfriend’s favorite words to see how they react??? You got me with Leo, sleep, and eating out reader. Truly. 

In the words of luv note by chloe moriondo, for Leo sleeping has never been so easy. Not since he met you. Since he started sleeping in the same bed as you. Leo was genuinely surprised when he fell asleep like a goddamn log with his head on your chest, or with you pulled snug and close in his warm arms cuddled into his warm chest while he spoons you like it’s the only thing keeping him alive. I’m getting distracted by (in the most literal sense) sleeping with Leo. He’s so warm and it’s always in a way that makes you feel so cozy. His breath is so warm on your neck, his hands are all over you. Leo also does do cricket feet right before he falls asleep. He is not aware of this but you are. He goes from tapping out messages in morse code on your skin (he will ALWAYS find a way to wiggle his hands under your clothes. Mans is KING of skin to skin contact. Despite how cold he gets he will never toss an opportunity to sleep as stripped down and close to nakey with you as possible, just to feel your body heat against him. You are his weighted blanket, you just… quiet his mind. And you know each other so, so intimately. You know him, you know each little cue. You know how he lets out a big sigh when he starts to fall asleep, you know how his hands will eventually still and be briefly replaced by his feet rubbing against each other for a few minutes before he falls asleep. If you’re cool with it he also will do cricket feet against your feet too. Might feel weird at first but it’s so goddamn cute that he subconsciously does self soothing stuff to you too. It’s like how animals will groom each other on instinct. On some deep base primal level of caveman monkey amoeba brain, his instincts go oh this is relaxing and soothing, let’s soothe our mate too. If we need comforting and soothing we’re gonna comfort and soothe our mate too. Duh. obviously. And it’s so fucking sweet and you could never put into words how deeply and profoundly those mundane little moments are. How much they affect you, how deeply and vastly they really mean to you. 

And the thing is your EXISTENCE soothes Leo. It really does. He just thinks you’re so goddamn cute. Like he actually gets occasional cuteness aggression because of you. He can and will bite you. Leo was NOT a biter before he met you. But then again you didn’t scream laugh until you met him. Really a sign of true love. So sometimes in the morning when you’re all sleepy and soft, all flushed and warm and mushy he just. Can’t help himself. It’s like a dream of a playground all for him. He kisses you and touches you so you don’t wake up too fast. He mumbles little sweet things into your ear. He pulls you sideways so you’re at an angle on your bed. You’re both probably close to being naked to begin with since we established how much this man LOVES skin to skin contact. Needs it even. He never slept in his underwear or naked before you. He does it BECAUSE of you. So he adjusts you and he adjusts himself until he’s kissing your stomach, your hips, your thighs. You’re probably just in undies and one of his big old MIT shirts (he got a few in the biggest sizes they had before he graduated so you’d have extras as big loose sleep shirts. He was successful.) so he pushes your shirt up enough to kiss your tummy, all soft and relaxed since you’re still mostly asleep. Or at least pretending to be. If he’s feeling particularly playful he might stick his tongue in your belly button, just to see if you’re awake by if you start giggling or not. Regardless, soon he gets down to the real meat and potatoes of it all. He holds your legs, he kisses your thighs, he just… takes his time. He revels in you, in touching and feeling and smelling every inch of you. He nibbles at that fleshy little part of your upper inner thigh that he just loves to bite and suck on so much, he’ll leave a few hickeys on those spots (leo obsessed with hickeys anon you are SO RIGHT I didn’t forget about you dw <3) and he won’t say this out loud because he always worries he’ll sound like some kind of psychotic cannibal or something, but he loves the taste of your skin in his mouth. He never, ever felt that before you. He didn’t know you COULD feel that before you. You’re both just so compatible on a chemical, primal level that it’s really mind blowing. He loves the way your skin kind of sticks to his a little when you’re both warm and cozy and a little clammy from sleep. He eats that shit up. Would it make him want to peel his fucking skin off when it happens with anyone else? Sure! But he LOVES that shit with you.

He’s just reeeeally gonna take his time with this. He just rubs his face into your mound or bulge, nuzzles in and takes a big deep breath of that raw, warm, sleepy you smell. He hums contently, kissing and languidly mouthing at you through your underwear until they’re nice and wet with his spit and your juice. If he’s feeling extra cheeky he will remove them with his mouth and teeth too. And lemme just say this one very concise statement. Leo Valdez eats you out for his pleasure. The thing is he knows EXACTLY what to do and how to do it to make you sing like a goddamn canary. He knows your body so well, so intimately that it’s freaky at times if you think about it too much. So on mornings like this, he can really just slow down and appreciate you. Each and every little drip and twitch, every ridge, every bump, every soft little wet achy squishy part of your insides. He eats that shit up.

Literally and figuratively. It’s sensory fucking heaven for him, and by the time you finally wake up, dripping and blissed out from the countless orgasms he’s coaxed right into his waiting mouth, you seriously think this is another wet dream for several minutes. Also he’s doing all of this with no hands. He loves using his hands on you a lot, but on slow mornings when he’s trying to keep his thoughts from going too fast right out the gate, while he’s waiting for his adderall to kick in and needs something to focus on, what he focuses on is you. How you taste in his mouth, how you make his whole body feel tingly and fuzzy and crackly, how he can feel ripples of pleasure working steadily through him as he ruts and grinds into the mattress a little, too distracted by how you feel and taste and smell, by the sound of his mouth expertly vacuum sealing onto your hole while he tongue fucks you to think about anything else. Anything at all. His nose is rubbing and bumping against your sensitive spot while his tongue rolls and rubs and flicks like he was born to do it. His hair, a little frizzy from sleep and smushed flat on one side, tickles your stomach. 

By the time you DO eventually wake up, you might as well stay in bed. Hell, you’re already soaking wet (and he’s about to bust a nut at any moment) and you know you won’t be able to walk anyway. Besides, who could function after waking up to something like that? No one. There will NEVER be a better opportunity to let him go down on you while you play with his hair, just so you can turn the tables and overstimulate him right back than mornings like this. It’s really a perfect moment in a string of perfect moments, all because they’re spent together. 

[fbfh]

thinkin about Jason Todd again. Here's some headcanons n visuals

First of all he definitely has cauliflower ear (his right vs his left shown below). His left is way worse bc of how he died, but his right ear he got from beating the shit out of some drunk guy who started getting aggressive with his wife. He wasn’t even the red hood at that point. He has a tiny little bit of hearing loss in his left ear, and it can sometimes throw off his balance when he’s not focused (like in civilian mode yk. Getting out of bed in the morning, navigating his apartment when he’s really tired, going up and down the stairs while he’s on the phone or smth). His resurrection removed most of the pain, but his ears are sometimes still sensitive at times, especially his left one (it’s partially psychosomatic)

Slightly crooked nose from before his resurrection. You know. From getting viciously beaten with a crowbar and blown up. Healed and functional, but still has a little of that boxer who just won a hard ass match look. Occasionally/irregularly snores like hell because of it and is completely unaware of the fact that he snores

Slightly lumpy/swollen looking knuckles from fighting so much for so long. Did it take him a little too long to realize how much he actually needs to protect his hands or was it some kind of self punishment? Probably both

Eye color is glasz (mix of blue/green/gray, like how hazel is green/brown/gold) which is why some people say green some say blue some say gray. If asked he’ll probably say his eyes as green or blue green, it probably says green on his ID, but he’s never actually known what color to call them. I have a very very soft spot for this eye color and think it's actually so underrated and pretty, which makes sense that Jason being the precious lil pookie that he is would have it

The technical name for his white streak is hair poliosis, or a white forelock. When he was resurrected and his body was healing, something got a little messed up with melanin production in that area, so he also can’t tan on that little patch of skin at his hairline. It’s sort of his achilles heel in the sense that it was a byproduct of his resurrection, like how achilles’ heel was the only part of him not to touch the water in the river styx. 

Also (ik people are somewhat divided on this so take w a grain of salt and feel free to ignore this if it's not your vibe!! <3 /gen ) I think the idea of Jason dying his hair black is kinda adorable actually. Ik in the earlier comics he was blonde, then he briefly had natural red hair because one of the writers forgot they changed his hair color to naturally black or something (mood) so to blend all canons into one super massive canon, I have decided that Jason had strawberry blonde hair when he was little, which darkened into an auburn brown when he got older. He kept dying it because he doesn’t have any memories that aren’t horrifically unpleasant attached to his natural color, he got used to having black hair, and also found out that dye does absolutely nothing to his streak.  Because he doesn’t get nearly as much sun as he did when he was a kid, now when his roots start to grow in the just look sort of mid-dark brown.

So as we know, Jason is a big big boy he’s the biggest boy. He can and will win biggest boy at state fair. And regardless on what exactly you feel his stats were pre-resurrection, we know he was tiny. Like probably (definitely) at least a lil malnourished stunted growth in childhood probably had some issues with delayed puberty tiny. Which means when he comes back to life and has shot up to over 6 feet tall and over 200lbs of rippling raw beefy muscle??? Yikes! Wow! That’s a lot to deal with at once. And again, even the lazarus pit has its limitations. I feel like for a while when he was first adjusting to his new build he kept noticing wavering little lines across his shoulders and biceps, his chest, his stomach, his hips. There are even some on his thighs and above his knees. He spent weeks trying to figure out where those scars came from until eventually he figured out that they are… stretch marks. Then he spent a few days trying to figure out where those stretch marks came from, only to figure out it was when he got yolked as hell in the span of an hour thanks to the evil magic hotspring primordial goo juice he was marinated in. 

also he had inarguably the WORST puberty experience you could possibly have but I’m gonna have to save that for another post so uh lmk if yall want more Jason headcanons. I might be hoarding pics of his build/visuals/face claims on my pinterest if anyone's interested

(stretch marks are below the cut)

[fbfh]

wait ☝️ imagine this ☝️ leo valdez twin dad... i feel like he could match the energy of two hyper kids.

Actually SOBBING over this because you are SO RIGHT. In my little floating timeline canon of dad!leo so far we have Sophia your oldest (or Phia for short), then Donnie, then Lila. I think the last drabble I wrote about dad Leo was where you actually did find out you’re preggers with twins so this is SO on brand. 

However!! Let’s say you have your twins first. 

You and Leo might not even be married at this point, but your babies are SO excited to be with their mommy and daddy that they are not waiting any longer to show up lol. So when you find out you’re pregnant, you’re both OVER THE FUCKING MOON. Leo can’t get over how cute you look like this (Leo thirsting over his pregnant wife anon I see you and I'm coming for your ask too bitch <3) but what he really can’t get over is how cute your bump is. You’re both a little surprised at fast you start showing, and more surprised by how big your bump is getting. You look nearly a month ahead of how far along you are, but Leo just thinks it’s so fucking adorable and gorgeous that he’s totally obsessed. 

And when you find out it’s TWINS????? Yes. You know how some parents freak out or panic when they find out they’re having multiples? Not Leo. Nope. Leo spots it a second before the doctor does, then looks to him for confirmation. You’re totally shocked, not in a bad way, it’s just… a surprise. Even if multiples run in your family and you had a hunch this might happen, it’s just so wild to hear it out loud, to have it confirmed, to see the two little pixelated blobs that are going to turn into your babies. Your babies. Leo starts shaking a little then excuses himself for a moment. He returns a couple minutes later smelling like that fireproofing spray you drown all your flammables with has been activated, and you chuckle. Your suspicions are confirmed once you leave and he’s walking you back to your car with even more care and attention than usual, and you see the scorch marks all over the brick and concrete of the parking garage. Thank GOD it’s fireproof. You get a little misty eyed that Leo is SO STOAKED that you’re having not one but two babies right off the bat that he actually had to find a non flammable space to process that information. 

I could go on a lot about your first pregnancy being the twins, but that’s gonna have to turn into its own ask so lmk if you want more first time twin dad Leo during your pregnancy content. 

Also Esperanza is OVER-MOTHERFUCKING-JOYED. You get her t shirts that say stuff like coming soon: Abuela times two! And this grandma got a two for one deal on the CUTEST grandbabies in the world! And all this other cute cheesy shit you find on amazon or temu or whatever. ANYWAY. 

Once your babies are born, a healthy, happy little boy and girl pair aptly named Red and Iris (sidebar Red Valdez and Iris Valdez are SUCH PRETTY BADASS NAMES YOUR KIDS ARE GONNA KICK SO MUCH ASS. Leo might see if he can literally legally make their middle names Danger and Trouble. Maybe it happens maybe it doesn’t. Up to you on that one.) Moving on. 

You and Leo are a dynamic fuckin duo with these babies. You’re so in sync. You’re literally so in sync you could throw cheese puffs in each others mouths from across the room with a 100% success rate. Leo is not only delighted to go above and beyond to help you raise your sweet, creative, curious, adorable, brilliant babies, but he really does surprise you every day at just how good he is with them. Once they reach the cruising and toddling and walking stage, it takes two days before you start to get overwhelmed. But guess what? Leo’s I love my wife senses are tingling, and if he wasn’t working from home already he sure as shooting is now!! He will also delegate and streamline everything in his work and engineering so things are running butter smooth and he has a fuck ton more time to be with you and the babies. 

Leo really feels like he was born for this. He matches their energy perfectly, he sees himself in both your kids. And all the traits he was told were bad or too much or annoying, like his hyperactivity and constant jokes and humor are actually PERFECT for a setting like this. He can juggle two toddlers like it’s nothing, he always has them giggling and laughing, and when the occasional tantrum or meltdown does happen he has them smiling and giggling again within minutes. They’re both literally joined at his hip, always climbing all over him and babbling in a cute toddler version of spanglish and asking a million questions, and for the first time in his life he doesn’t feel anxious or understimulated. He feels… perfect. He finally gets it, all those people who say life made sense when their kids were born. He knows his technical grand divine purpose was to act as a catalyst to prevent the end of the world, but all that stuff from when you were teenagers feels so far away now. He doesn’t need gods or prophecies to tell him what’s so overwhelmingly, abundantly clear. 

Loving you, and loving Red and Iris and being there for all three of you is his reason for existing. They’re the greatest thing he’s ever created, his magnum opus. And he truly could not be more fulfilled.

(also: this is an average evening in your household. 1:12)

[fbfh]

Unfortunately you've infected me with the brain worm of Tony Stark with a teeny tiny baby. Please give me more, Supreme Leader 🙏🙏

I AM MORE THAN HAPPY TO. first of all Tony is the CE-MOTHERFUCKING-O of baby wearing. he for shit sure really tried to reinvent the wheel there for a while, he kept making up new schematics and prototypes that were all equally (incredibly) safe, and pretty much exclusively based whether or not they’re “good” on how you reacted. If you got fussy or squirmy or started crying, that thing went STRAIGHT into the reject pile. But if you just kind of chilled - or even better, slept - that’s how he decided who the finalists were.

Eventually he landed on a pretty straight forward - granted, very ergonomic, soft, breathable, somehow antibacterial, uv protective, incredibly soft, temperature regulated - model he whipped up that’s part baby wrap part harness/chest carrier. And after about 45 minutes of use, he realized he… probably could have bought a nearly identical one online. But he’s still glad he did it, because even though the improvements over the ones on the market are very subtle, they’re incredibly important to him. Because that’s one more little way that he’s taking care of you. 

He also will FULLY rig up Jarvis to orchestrate Dum-e and Butterfingers to help him out with those late night feedings. Jarvis monitors your sleep cycles, breathing, oxygen levels, movement, all that stuff. And Jarvis can tell you’re going to wake up before you do. So the moment Tony hears you start fussing (also let’s be real, most nights he probably falls asleep in his workshop with you in a little bassinet) he’s up. No question, no hesitation. And the moment he’s up, Dum-e and Butterfingers are already gliding over with a warm, perfectly prepared bottle and a clean fresh diaper. I can just hear him talking to Pepper like, “yeah, I’m really planning on streamlining this whole newborn phase.” Pepper has… low expectations on that working, if she’s being honest. But she’s actually pleasantly surprised at how well Tony is adapting to being your dad. 

Also you know how a lot of scientific articles have said that the reason breastfeeding is “better” formula is because when a baby breastfeeds, their saliva goes into the mother’s nipple so her body can make milk with whatever nutrients the baby needs? Yeah Tony hacked that too. He has what he jokingly has dubbed the Baby Breathalyzer. He also designed it with a pacifier nib at the top so it’s not just easy for him to use, it’s comfortable and soothing for you. Again, this man thinks of EVERYTHING. So once he gets a reading, the data is sent over to another thing he made that will basically custom make add ons to your formula powder. So any nutrients or vitamins or antibodies or anything else you could possibly need, he will ensure you have. It’s also able to tell him ahead of time when you might be starting to get sick or get a sniffle so he can act accordingly. It doesn’t make him less worried about you, but preparing ahead of time makes it a little easier on him, and by proxy, on you. 

Also, he’s probably still CEO at this point, so you’d better BELIEVE that all Stark Industries meetings not only begin with a scan to make sure no one is sick, no one has any tobacco, or second hand smoke, or alcohol, or anything else that could be harmful to you on them, a full head to toe decontamination mist with evaporating body safe antibiotic spray in a sterilization checkpoint, and a lot of hand sanitizer. But he also has a new feature in all of his meetings. Lights have to be kept reasonably dim, and there’s a hovering holographic decibel counter in the middle of the table. One of the other things he asked Jarvis to track was when you started crying and what was going on around you, that way he could figure out if there was anything in your environment that upset you. In doing so, he figured out you hate the texture of microfiber, you seem pretty terrified of bananas in pajamas, and exactly how loud people can talk before it’s too loud for you little ears. So in every meeting, Tony ensures that all the other executives and managers and department heads and whoever else he’s meeting with keep things comfortable for you while you babble and teeth on pens and snooze on his chest. 

Also when you get big enough to start walking????? He is so proud and a little heartbroken because he already misses having you in his arms all the time. But he knows that no matter how big his precious little baby gets, you will never be too big for him to carry you. 

AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON HOW HILARIOUS THIS MAN IS. He will literally be like "ooh, I don't know about that. Let me confer with my executive consultant." he turns to you and whispers while you baby babble up at him, nodding.

"... well, you heard the kid. That's gonna be a no go."

[fbfh]

happy 55th birthday to the one and only genius billionaire superdad philanthropist! let's discuss the question on everyone's mind.

What do you get for the genius billionaire superdad philanthropist that has it all? That’s something you’ve been asking yourself for years every time Tony’s birthday rolls around. He used to throw elaborate parties every May 29th that would sometimes turn into several day long benders, but ever since you came into his life, that’s dropped off significantly. Now he opts more for a public gala of some sort about a week before his actual birthday, that way he can go totally dark and spend the whole day with you and the other people he cares about. He still remembers that first birthday after you came into his life.

If he’s had you since you were a baby, he knew IMMEDIATELY that things were going to be quiet this year. Even if that meant he spent the whole day in a ball of anxious existential self doubting dread without the liquor and bodies and noise to silence it. But he didn’t care. Somehow the idea of throwing some big party while his baby was upstairs waiting for him made him feel worse. Maybe Pepper insisted on something, some kind of classy, evening cocktail party to celebrate. Tony spent the whole time sneaking peeks at your baby monitor until he was eventually able to slip away and spend the rest of the night hidden in your nursery, with you cradled against the soft fancy fabric of his tux. He sat in both your favorite chair, the really smooth gliding rocking chair, rubbing your back and talking to you about everything that was on his mind, even though you were too young to process any of it. 

“Still good for your development, neurologically.” He said to you playfully. “At least, that’s what the experts are saying when they’re not changing their minds about car seats and sleep safety. When are those guys gonna get on the same page?”

He had asked it rhetorically, but you looked up at him with your big old baby eyes and giggled. You giggled as if you were saying tell me about it, like you understood him. 

That was his birthday present that year. 

Or alternatively, if you came into his life when you were a kid through some sort of wacky misadventure Iron Man prequel/addition (my personal favorite is shoehorning baby stark in between Iron Man 2 and 3. Iron Man 2.5 if you will) So you’re maybe around 10 or so, and you’re FREAKING the hell out because not only do you apparently have a dad that’s actually super nice and cool and attentive and responsible (despite what some people think) and actually a really really really incredible dad (again, despite what some people think. Cough cough TMZ) but now it’s his birthday soon. And it’s his first birthday that you’ve been around for, so you KNOW you’re really gonna have to do something great to show him how much you love him and how grateful you are for him (woohoo insecure and anxious attachment on both ends! Rhodey’s about to gift you both family therapy! /hj) 

The problem is Tony is a very attentive dad. Usually not a problem, but now you cannot find anywhere that isn’t secure and safe and monitored to work on his present in secret. You ask him in a totally casual not suspicious at all way if Jarvis tells him everything, or if Jarvis can keep secrets. He asks what sort of secrets and you’re like yknow. 10 year old child not suspicious at all secrets. Normal secrets. The uje. (use? How are we visually shortening usual?? Youushe??? You get my point.) so he gets an idea and says yeah, Jarvis can TOTALLY keep secrets. 

Then he sets up the secrets secrets are no fun protocall. 

He starts not only monitoring all the secrets you tell Jarvis, like how you believe mermaids are real, but also analyzing body language and vitals to make sure none of the secrets you’re telling Jarvis are the kind a grown up should know about. Thankfully it’s just a bunch of random harmless stuff, like how you think Max Goof from a goofy movie is cute or how you think you can secretly talk to cats. Kid stuff. But after a little while, you start asking Jarvis for help figuring out what you’re going to do for your dad’s birthday, and he turns the protocall back off. You… you wanted to know if Jarvis could keep secrets from him so you could surprise him with a birthday present that he’d love. Honestly, that alone is all the gift he could ever want or need. He’s so deeply touched by what a compassionate, creative kid you are that he needs to take a minute. Eventually when his birthday rolls around and you show him a bunch of craft projects you made for him - air dry clay and shrinky dink christmas tree ornaments, construction paper handprint turkeys, just a whole mess of construction paper and glitter glue and pipecleaners and paint. He is so touched and so confused, but when you explain what it is - a year’s worth of presents and pop up cards and crafts, “to catch up on what we missed” he actually can barely process how much love and adoration that fills him with. He pulls you into the tightest hug. He kisses the top of your head. He gets a little misty eyed. And every birthday from that first one together onwards are tied for first place in his mind.

[fbfh]

YOU CAN'T JUST DROP THAT ABOUT LOGAN AND THEN DROP OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH TILL THURSDAY LIKE WHAT????? THATS NOT VERY NICE.

/j.

Anyway yeah Logan's favorite part of his day is in the morning when he picks out two sets of lingerie for you. One more subdued (but still enough to make him lose his mind) that he gets worked up all day long just from knowing you're wearing that under your clothes. If a strap or panty line peek out at any point, expect a quickie (even though it won't be very quick once he gets his hands on you). Just a lil something to tide him over. But the second set of lingerie... thats the more fancy set.

That's the one he's fucking you in the moment he gets you both back to his place.

[fbfh]

Might have made a mood board of the stuff logan likes to see you in if anyone's interested

yes yes yes yes yes yes please!!!!!

Logan LOVES LOVES LOVES seeing you in all kinds of cutesy fussy impractical shit. The more you look like a dreamy pin up girl in a 60s lingerie ad the better

[fbfh]

Also. Logan LOVES dressing you up all pretty. He loves dressing you up like a little doll just to fuck you in the cute little lingerie he picks out for you (if he doesn't just rip it right off). Maybe it's a power thing but he also LOVE LOVE LOVES dressing you up in the most ridiculous impossible to walk in heels, then making you do a little fashion show for him in your strappy little lace set he set out for you earlier. He loves how... cute it is, watching you wobble like a little pin up girl on those heels, putting you in them because he KNOWS you can barely walk in them. So he'll just have to pick you up and make your legs shake for a different reason.

Might have made a mood board of the stuff logan likes to see you in if anyone's interested

[fbfh]

Hate to break it to you but Logan Huntzberger DOES talk you through it!!!! He touches your face and rubs your shoulder or waist or back depending on the position. He gives your cunt a kiss before he lines himself up. And he does NOT shy away from telling you that you're taking it like a champ.

"There we go, Ace... biiiiiiig stretch- ahh..."

[fbfh]

i need to make out with dave lizewski, pls write something abt it🙏🙏🙏💓

GIRL. Dave needs you to make out with him too. Like desperately. As soon as you’re within the proximity for him to even start FANTASIZING about it?? Hard. IMMEDIATELY hard. And he’s so cute and nervous too. You know it’s cruel to keep him squirming like this, but GOD do you love to watch it. And you’re gonna put him out of his misery…. In a minute. Or two. Regardless of how you get him alone, all it takes is being ALONE with someone as hot as you for him to turn into a blushing, stuttering, flustered, throbbing mess. And it’s so fucking CUTE. you tease him a little just because he’s too cute not to tease, but finally you make your move. Maybe you were working on a project together or something, so you’re alone in his room. And he still is having trouble wrapping his head around the fact that he’s alone with someone as HOT as you whn you’re walking closer and closer and closer, backing him up until you push him onto his bed. 

He could bust a fucking nut right there.

You giggle at his reaction and make some little innuendo, then move closer and closer  until you’re so close he lets out a moan just on instinct. “...Dave?” you sound so sweet and seductive and he loos fucked out even though you havent even done anything. He swallows nervously, his breathing already heavy as he nods, trying to respond.

 “Is it okay if I try something?” It’s okay, it’s so much MORE than okay, and he can’t help but nod frantically and sputter out confirmations in this whiny, breathy voice. 

You just laugh.

You giggle sweetly and bring your hand up to his face like you’re about to kiss him, which makes him shiver, then you lean in like you’re about to kiss him which makes his head spin, then you oh fuck oh fuck fuck fuck you’re actually kissing him. He literally MOANS into the kiss, making you chuckle against his lips. He tries to kiss you back, his hands flying up to grope your tits (or for my boobieless readers, squish your pecs. He will be feeling up whatever you got up there) and he lets out another broken, desperate little moan. He can hardly process it when you use the opportunity to push your tongue into his mouth, tease him and coax his past your lips. He tries to kiss you back, and it’s clumsy and desperate. You can tell he’s trying to copy those theatrical, messy kisses they do in porn, which would be an ick on anyone else, but with Dave… you kind of don’t mind it. It’s cute really, how uncoordinated yet desperate he is, how messy and shameless he’s already getting with his mouth and hands. You can feel him rutting against you as you flick your tongue just so and suck his, maybe nip a little, and he… he really likes that. His eyes roll back and he bucks up against you, moaning right into your mouth. It’s like you reached right into his body and started pulling his raw nerves around, maneuvering him like a puppet. And god help him, he cannot get enough of it. 

So in short, once you release the beast expect a RIDICULOUS amount of messy, horny making out and touching and dry humping. Like a lot. Like you make him bust a nut in his pants at least twice that first time without actually even trying. He will be whining and maybe crying a little, babbling incoherently, sounding you’re riding him like a goddamn cowboy just from a little kissing and touching. 

Dave is… reactive. And that’s something he’s really, really looking forward to having you exploit.

[fbfh]

AAAAAAAAAugfhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I. AM. I AM AT A LOSS FOR WORDS. I LOVE THIS. I LOVE YOU. YOUR WORK IS BRILLIANT. PLEASE NEVER STOP CREATING ART IN ANY FORM YOUR SOUL BRINGS IT. I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH

☁️☁️☁️

artwork inspired by @fbfh s loud simp!Eddie 🥺