fnaftalexreader

[fnaftalexreader]

Demon!Lucifer reacting to pickup lines because I have no control in life

Context: while he knows what flirting is, he often forgets that he is a sexy 15 foot demon, that has everything one would want in a man (respect, honor, humor, etc), which means he is technically attractive. He has no interest in dating, being unable to see romantic love as anything other than platonic/familial love that's somehow different. Everyone knows the leader of Gehennan doesn't date, so when people do flirt, he is comedicly DENSE-

"Do you want some wine to go with this cheesy pickup line?"

"...I don't drink, I'm waiting for something celebratory worthy of drinking. But I wouldn't mind cheese. You said something about cheesy, Y/N? Did you already give me cheese? I would very much like some cheese. Just a very, very tiny bit... I don't deserve a lot of cheese."

"You’re pretty and I’m cute. Wanna be pretty cute together?"

"...if you think we're on the same level of "cuteness" I fear for yourself esteem- but... well, you ARE objectively adorable. Do wish to do matching outfits or something? I hope the fabrics for that won't be too expensive... I am quite large."

"I’m not very good at math but I can give you the value you deserve."

"...I'm good at math, if you want me to teach you. What value are you placing to me? Weight to gold, my ethical labor output, or- oh... oh you mean my... value as a PERSON. You don't need to give me anything then... b-but I still wouldn't mind teaching you math!"

"Are you French? Because Eiffel for you."

"...that is not a proper sentence, are you feeling alright? A-and no, I'm Italian. Technically. Very, very technically-"

"Are you an artist? You’re really good at drawing me in."

"..." He just sits there uncomfortably in silence for a long moment. "...it's what I was made to be..."

"Do you have a map? I just got lost in your eyes."

"I don't have a map, but I do have the geological landmarks of every place memorized! And, sorry for my eyes distracting you, I am aware they are an eyesore. Where were you headed before you saw me? I'm certain I know a shortcut to take back that lost time."

On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tonight?

"...about as free as my people are. I have to make sure everyone is fed, moderately alive, I need to make sure that alcohol production is back up so we can deal with the latest parasite outbreak, I need to-" Congrats, you triggered an unskippable cutscene with lucifer listing everything he needs to do. By the time he finishes, sighs apologeticly. "Dreadfully sorry, if I didn't have to do all that, I would make time. I love spending time with mortals who don't fear or hate me, you're all wonderful to be around."

"You know, I always thought that Disneyland was the ‘happiest place on Earth,’ but that was before I got a chance to stand here next to you."

"Disneyland is a creation of capitalist greed and is full of entitled parents, tired and sweaty children, and destroyed perfectly good land that would have belonged to the gabrieliño, had that damned Christopher not fucked THAT up. Everything in America, and perhaps the world is built on suffering, the "happiest place" is subjective and usually with loved ones." It's only after the rant, does he realize you said he was the happiest place for you. "...you need to be around better people. Y-you don't want to be happy around me. I can't be the one that makes you the happiest! Let's find someone who can make you happy, and WON'T doom you-"

"I’m not a photographer, but I can definitely picture us together."

"...would you like me to set up a camera? Does the light reflecting off my skin compliment you in some way?"

"Kiss me if I’m wrong but, dinosaurs still exist, right?"

He just sits there, heavily breathing. "...they never left. They may have devolved, but they still remember the smell of fear..." Ominous clucking noises are heard. "...run."

"If you were words on a page, you’d be fine print."

"...I am aware no one pays attention to me when I have something to say of utmost importance, you don't need to rub it in- that's quite rude. No one ever pays attention to the fine print-"

"Are you a time traveler? Because I can see you in my future."

"I mean, I don't really travel through time, but I did used to see it. And I should hope that I'm in a decent amount of your future, means you have a future to begin with despite knowing me-"

"Do you have a Band-Aid? I scraped my knees falling for you."

"You injured yourself because of me?! I knew this would happen, this always happens- I-I'm so sorry, let me see your knees-"

"I’m really glad I just bought life insurance because when I saw you, my heart stopped."

"...y-you sure it stopped? You seem fine, do you need a hospital? Or... are you making fun of how ugly I am..?"

"Did you just come out of an oven? Because you’re too hot to handle."

"Sorry, i know I'm extremely warm compared to mortals... I'm not surprised its unbearable-"

"I’ve got all these forks and knives. All I need is a little spoon."

"...I could make you one. I doubt you need a bone spoon, but I could make you a wood one, or find some metal for you. Hopefully you don't need literal silverware, it burns my hands... but why are you asking me for spoons? Do you not have money for it?"

"Angels should be in heaven. How’d you escape?"

"..." He sits there in silence. He doesn't speak at all after that. If you touch him, he flinches and runs away choking as he tries not to cry.

"Are you a loan? Because you’ve got my interest."

"I am not alone without reason. If I wish to be alone, then I- wait... you were making a pun? Didn't sound like it-"

"Is your nickname Chapstick? Because you’re da balm!"

"...thaaaaaaaank yoooooooou...? I don't think I've been up here enough-"

"I seem to have lost my number. Can I have yours?"

"...gehenna is permanently in the stone age, Y/N. I do not have a phone number, area code, zip, or whatever made a comeback again. And that's not even how phones work, do you mean you lost your phone??? How do you lose an entire string of NUMBERS???"

"Are you a camera? Because all I can do is smile when I see you."

"...thank you, you make me smile too. I am glad we're friends."

"I'm pretty good at algebra...I can replace your X and you wouldn't need to figure out Y."

"But... that's how the math works??? You need to find what replaces x to find what y equals. Do you need help studying this again? I will gladly help, I absolutely LOVE math!"

"Are you Siri? Because you autocomplete me."

"...I mean... I guess I'm an artificially intelligent being... I don't understand what you mean..."

"This is pretty cheesy, but I think you’re really grate."

"...by your tone, that was a pun, wasn't it? Well, I think you’re a pretty gouda too! Was... was that good enough..?"

"Your name must be Coca Cola, because you're soda-licious."

"...I will never get used to humanity making up new slangs. I can TELL it's a compliment, I just don't understand it at ALL- what do you mean, Y/N??? Soda-licious... sodalishious... so delicious? You've never even eaten demon meat, how can you have an opinion on that about me?! Do... do you want to try some of me..??"

"Are you a keyboard? Because you are my type."

"Your type of... what...? I do not understand what you are making puns of-"

My friends bet me I couldn’t talk to the handsomest man in the bar. Want to use their money to buy some drinks?

"What? And steal their bet money? That's wrong, and the water here is free anyways. Here, I'll help you find the objectively attractive man here, so you win that money fair and square."

"I would say God bless you, but it looks like he already did."

This would straight up just melt his insides, and fuse his flesh to the now molten floor beneath him. Great going, Y/N. Lucifer is now in immense physical pain, because of you saying "God bless." He's sensitive to the religious stuff... physically-

"Did your license get suspended for driving all these guys crazy?"

"...I have never driven a vehicle in my life that wasn't either a space ship or chariot. I have never had a license in my life, what are you going on about..?"

"Are you a magician? Because when I look at you, everyone else disappears."

"Um-" He straight up looks around. "I think you’re just focusing on me. I'm not doing anything with everyone else-"

"Truth or date?"

"...I believe you misspoke, it's truth or dare, not date. And, no thank you, I don't like playing that game very much."

"If you could be anywhere in the world, doing anything you wanted, where would we be?"

"...I don't know. Maybe somewhere I'd feel okay at least..." Yeah, you're not getting a cute "with you" out of him. He's too traumatized for that.

"Not to be cheesy, but oh my god you’re gorgeous!"

"...I'm not though?? I'm literally not, I-I used to be, but- I... I'm not anymore... thank you, but you need a better preference. You deserve a better preference."

"The sparkle in your eye is so bright, the sun and stars must be jealous."

"...the stars were never jealous... the sun definitely was... I don't think I can sparkle again..." He means that literally, his eyes would glow when he was happy-

"Is your name Google? Because you have everything I’m searching for."

"...I mean, I probably have more than Google, do you have... questions only I can answer?"

"If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d still only have five cents."

"...then invest in prettier? There is a wider market out there, this is a VERY strange hypothetical-"

"Are your parents bakers? Because you're a cutie pie."

"...you know who my father is, Y/N. He is literally in the Bible, and he has never baked a day in his life-" Processes.. "...OH- You're calling me... cute, for some reason? You need better standards on what "cute" is, my dear mortal-

"If you can guess what my favorite restaurant is, I’ll take you there."

"Well... you do have a preference for that one thing, and you're always going to that one place... but that could also just be because of the current economy, and the necessity of it being a cheep meal..." He will spend the next several hours genuinely trying to get your favorite restaurant right. He doesn't know you were just trying to take him on a dinner date. He probably wouldn't eat much either, just your leftovers-

"Is your name Ariel? Because I think we mermaid for each other."

"...I miss her..." Great, you gave him another trauma flirt, Ariel is the name of one of his sisters. What? Is this the 8th time or smth? Sheesh, he has too much trauma for certain pickup lines.

"Did you invent the airplane? Because you’re clearly Mr. Wright."

"No, but I did help nudge the Wright Brothers in the right direction when remaking aircrafts from ancient history! What gave you the idea that I was a Wright brother, though? You know I'm older than them!"

"If being handsome was a crime, you’d be guilty as charged."

"I plead innocent."

"Those are nice arms. Could I see how they would feel around me?"

"...that is a very unique way of asking for a "hug," Y/N."

"Hi, I’m Mrs. Right. Someone said you were looking for me?"

"...did I forget asking someone for you? I don't... remember a Mrs. Right, can you remind me why I needed you, and who I sent for you? Also, congratulations Y/N, on the marriage. I presume Mr. Right is a decent man, yes? Or is it another Mrs. Right? Either way, happy for you."

"Coffee, tea, or sushi?"

"Are you... asking my preference? I prefer tea out of the three. Coffee makes my arm feel funny, and I can't have sea food. Makes my skin burn."

"I believe in honesty, so let me be honest: you’re the most attractive person I’ve ever seen."

"You need to be around more people then, I am dreadfully sorry for your standards."

"I’d like to take you to the movies, but they don’t let you bring in your own snacks."

"...just because my people are open to consensual cannibalism doesn't mean I count against the no food policy of movie theaters. You wouldn't be able to take me, because I am LITERALLY THE DEVIL- I am a terrifying monster from the bowels of hell, I do not pay taxes, I don't have actual money, I do not contribute to society that way... and you don't have to either, I'll sneak you in, come on, we can watch from the shadows, and steal the snacks you want!"

"Is your name Ken? Because I can be your Barbie."

"...why are you comparing me to a doll...? You know my name-"

"Excuse me, I don’t mean to be rude, but you owe me a drink…because when I saw you, I dropped mine."

"Are you into boxing? Because you look like a total knockout."

"I am... so sorry! This keeps happening to me, I-I am genuinely so sorry! I will get you whatever drink you wish, this is not first time someone has dropped their drink because of my monstrous appearance, I'm so sorry I scared you..."

...yes, multiple people have tried the same pickup line, and he always assumes they dropped their drinks in fear-

"I mean, I am good with hand to hand, but what do you mean by me being a knockout? Are you... calling me a loser? Not wrong, but that's very rude, especially coming from you-"

"Wanna take a picture together? I want to show my mom what my next boyfriend looks like."

"...are you unable to reach your lover conveniently, and you wish for me to shape-shift into him? Or did you lie to your mother about having a lover? Either way, sure, show me a picture of how you wish for me to look, I won't question why you're lying to that woman."

"Were you a Boy Scout? Because you tie my heart in knots."

"Do you know what the Little Mermaid and I have in common? We both want to be part of your world."

"...I have never been to boy scouts... all my survival skills have been trial and error... what do you mean your heart is in knots, that's not physically possible, did i somehow ruin your arteries??? I didn't know I could do that!"

You're going to need to console him after this, he feels so guilty-

"...no you do not. My world is literally hell. You do not wish to suffer for eternity, at least the little mermaid wished to see land- that is not as bad as Gehenna, do you know how terrible my world is??? I swear I've told you-"

"I can’t wait until our date. How long until you actually ask me out on one?"

"...date for... what? Was there something important we were planning, is there a deadline I forgot about? I am terribly sorry, my memory is not what it should be, what is this deadline for?"

...my precious dumbass. He is so smart, yet so stupid-

[fnaftalexreader]

Demon Lucifer falling to chaos

Another self-indulgent post of mine, this time going over my headcanons of how current lucifer would turn to chaos.

He wouldn't.

No seriously, he wouldn't turn to chaos, and it would drive the gods nuts.

Both because he's technically a powerful idiot they could easily manipulate if they got past his walls, but also...

At this point of his life, he is a special type of pathetic.

Slaanesh

Oh...

Oh, this poor, poor angel...

He has such horrific guilt at this point, conditioned from centuries of abuse, bad luck, and so much loss, he can't be happy...

Let alone, let pleasure and excess consume him.

The only thing he has in excess is nothingness. Loss. Suffering...

He wouldn't even be a fun toy, with how much he can endure. Daemonettes could torture him for hours, and he would either remain creepily silent, or mention how his father is more creative.

He can't enjoy anything that they could tempt him with.

Food? He hasn't had a proper meal in eons, and he isn't going to eat one now. He would feel so incredibly selfish, eating something as simple as stale bread, he'd want to kill himself to condone his behavior of not bringing bread to a child that needs it more...

...Even if said child is only hypothetical-

Music? He only sings ballads about what he's lost, apologies he doesn't know anyone would hear, or lullabies to children. He doesn't sing for himself anymore, or for his own enjoyment, which is a shame, because his voice is absolutely beautiful. He would still listen to some music played to tempt him, but he wouldn't really get... bored of it. Which would probably piss of slaanesh a bit, and assuming he doesn't know the true motives of chaos? He would probably feel guilty, and push Slaanesh away out of shame (oblivious fuck-)

Sex? No thank you. He's never even liked that, and has always been confused about the seductive hip sway. He thinks it looks like a limp. He would probably try to dress any daemons he comes across, fearing they'd get cold.

Wine? He hasn't drank in centuries! And he isn't going to change that now. It's not because he wants to stay sober, he's waiting for the gods to come home, to celebrate with them. It's just... taking a while to save them.

...or to even get a chance to try to.

Most of his desires are concerning too. he either wants his dad to love him again, or to undo his own existence so no one would ever miss him. He knows he's loved by some people, and sometimes...

He wishes he wasn't.

Praising him and stroking his ego wouldn't work either, because he'd knock himself down every time Slaanesh would try to appeal to him.

"Such a handsome creature~"

"...Are your eyes alright? I know for a fact I'm a hideous monster. My father made me that way..."

"Such a brave hero! More people should sing your praises~"

"...Heroes do not fail in mass... If I were a hero, there would be more children reaching their 100s by now, maybe even having grandchildren. I'm no hero... Not many survive me..."

"You're such an extraordinary and wonderful person! How could everyone not love you?~"

"It's safer that way..."

He does not believe that he deserves anything good in his life, and lives in pure dearth. He barely eats, sleeps, and the moment he can just stand, even if it's in pain? He immediately goes back to work, helping other people. He doesn't care if his bones are still showing, or if his nerves are on fire. All he wants is for people to be okay...

And he doesn't technically count as a person.

He would either displease every daemon that tries to seduce him, or make them VERY concerned-

The only thing he needs in excess is love, patience, and affection. but I wouldn't be too surprised if the daemons of slaanesh don't provide. He wouldn't be too surprised either, he knows he doesn't deserve it.

Khorne

I could see Lucifer falling to Khorne. The war god would be familiar, and honor and blood is already ingrained in Gehannan culture.

But I don't think they would see eye to eye. It would take a debt for lucifer to fall to Khorne, the god saving or helping him.

But lucifer is all about sacrificing for the weak, so they may become strong. Khorne wouldn't like that.

Lucifer is also terrified of being angry. The few times he has gotten angry, he's killed many people. He doesn't like hurting people, especially if they don't deserve it. So he wouldn't approve of blood flowing indiscriminately.

He's terrified of being a genocidal monster like his father.

He would also probably be more of a glorified shield than a warrior. He'd much rather spill his own blood, than spill another's.

The rage he feels is also not what the blood god would look for. Not in a warrior, at least. His rage is more like that of a child, or a cornered animal. It's the kind of rage that makes you sob till you can't breathe, or beg the universe to be kind.

He also fights for things that would rival what Khornite daemons, and by extension, their god would want. Peace, hope, freedom... He is a protector.

And he's terrible at it.

He's a self-destructive idiot, not valuing himself at all, while putting everyone else on a pedestal.

He's strong, though. Which would make his existence tragic, even in the eyes of Khorne. He can endure so much pain and blood loss. he can keep going with nothing in his stomach, no god to back him up, no power, no strength... He'd move mountains to protect the innocent, breaking himself without a second thought.

The thing is, he doesn't need to.

Years of abuse conditioned him to believe that if he cares for himself, for even a moment, he's selfish and is going to doom everyone around himself.

He has more strength than Khorne, while at his weakest. If the god of war stood where lucifer stands, he'd crumble. He has the weight of so many hopes and dreams on his shoulders, while being too weak to even care for his own wellbeing, and yet he still stands.

"Because someone has to."

No one else comes for who he saves. No one gives mercy to those he extends his claws to. No one was going to come for anyone, unless he did.

He'd probably see Khorne like his own father, despite him being more of a force than a monster. There is more honor in the living concept of war than in Jehovah.

So he would be TERRIFIED to join him, and would rather suffer again, at another god's hand, than be twisted into a monster full of endless hunger for murder.

If he did join Khorne, I could see him losing his warrior's spirit too. He would just be a scared, angry child curled up in a corner, taking every beating that should be motivating him to DO something. He fights to protect everyone, but himself. If he were to join Khorne, he would have to fight without peace in mind. If he has no hope or desire for peace, it would be filled with death.

So out of either fear, or the desire to be a shield for the downtrodden, he would resist killing for the bloodgod.

He WOULD take in Skarbrand with only a little thought. If he ended up in warhammer, he would hear stories about Skarbrand, and worry about him being lost too. Of him hurting too...

He wouldn't completely understand that skarbrand isn't "just a kid" like him, but he would attempt to be a consistent ally to him. Give him the forgiveness his god will never give him.

He is far too soft, kind, and gentle for Khorne to claim him. The only reason why blood is on his claws is because no one stronger came to help: him or others.

He'd also probably be pretty depressing to be around, as all of his stories on war wouldn't just be on bloodshed and glory, but of failure. He never truly wins the battle, and it's not even completely his fault. He's a kid who grew up too fast, he shouldn't have known what war was for billions of years.

Life is unfair. Someone has to make it fair. And he, along with his siblings, are the only ones consistently fighting.

He'd be annoyingly tragic. Strong because he's weak, and weak because he is too strong.

Nurgle

He would resist Nurgle for many reasons.

First one is actually pretty funny. He has three sets of nostrils, that have the strength of a bloodhound, meaning that his sense of smell is like 3,000-6,300 times stronger than a human's. So nurgle would STIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINK-

His other reasons, however, are not so funny, and would probably upset many a nurglite.

He values and respects almost all life, and he'd understand the importance and necessity for plagues, rot, and disease to exist...

But he has also lost so many people over the years, due to his father punishing him with plagues, that he wouldn't see it as "love" like daemons of nurgle do.

I could see him trying to reason with a Great Unclean One, by telling him about how his own father would give plagues and diseases to mortals that showed love or mercy to him, because he wasn't allowed to be loved. That or tell a story about an evil monster god, cleaning Nurgle's garden out of "love" and turning nurglings into monsters, to put things into perspective. It probably wouldn't work, but lucifer can argue for HOURS if he thinks he's right.

Another thing that would make being claimed by nurgle, is how he got sick in the past. He's never been sick by normal means. He's only ever gotten sick by taking plagues away from mortals that were being punished for caring about him. So if nurgle DOES make him sick, probably from an infection in one of his many wounds, he'd have a panic attack and a mental breakdown. He doesn't get sick, unless the world is starting to end.

Literally.

If the daemons tried to reassure him that it's just nurgle's love, it would just make it worse. He associates love with ending up alone, or getting hurt. His first thoughts would be either nurgle would die because of him, or turn into a monster his children do not recognize, because that's what he thinks happens when someone loves him.

He would be inconsolable, sobbing and screaming like a little kid. Being sick makes him feel vulnerable, and weak. Just a mix of fears: Being alone, people getting killed because they love him, or people changing for the worse.

And if nurgle blessed him to not have pain?

Well now it's even more terrible! No distractions, nothing to overcome, no constant reminder that he is truly still here?

If nurgle claimed him, he would be swiftly abandoned. His devastation would be more contagious than the grandfather could make. I wouldn't be surprised if his horror and despair would break the illusions of nurgles love, even for his own Daemons. No one would beg to be destroyed instead of loved, for the sake of not being alone, not being responsible for being loved, or not wanting someone to become a malicious monster. Being loved, no matter how twisted, wouldn't make you cry and beg to be abandoned for someone else's sake.

Which kinda sucks, because he would be GREAT with nurglings. He loves kids, and would 100% be a good plague dad, if it wasn't for the other points.

(Note: if he did join nurgle with none of the written consequences, I could see him making chia pets for nurglings that grow mold instead of plants. It's genuinely so sad that he is too traumatized to join nurgle-)

Tzeentch

Oh boy, we're at Tzeentch now-

The poor daemons of Tzeentch, dealing with this traumatized mf-

Majority of the spells he uses involves digesting his own body, usually his own liver or something, to even have the energy to cast magic.

His life is also very repetitive...

He doesn't feel loved enough, he looks for love, finds it, his father finds out and tries to take it away, he fails to protect what he loves, then he swears off being loved again till the pain of not being cared about gets to be unbearable and he tries to find love again.

He would probably learn about Tzeentch first, then form opinions on him based on things he read, so he would NOT trust him.

I could see him falling for a daemon's tricks though, not enough to make him join and be corrupted, but enough to make him think he's helped "save" them from Tzeentch, despite that probably not even being possible.

...it would probably be for one of Tzeentch's plans, or to at least give lucifer a win for once in his life.

If the warhammer universe is the same as ours, lucifer is probably older than it. He's canonically 18,243,014,674 years old, which is around 5 billion years older than our own universe.

I remember reading somewhere that Tzeentchan daemons can read people, I know for a fact that Kairos can see both the past and future for people, and if they looked into lucifer, all they would see is eons upon eons of suffering and pain, being inflicted on someone who genuinely didn't deserve it.

Out of all of chaos too, Lucifer would probably be the nicest to the daemons of Tzeentch, seeing them as victims, being ruled by a god that does not truly love them. He wouldn't actively turn to Tzeentch, but he would turn to his daemons, and genuinely call them friends. Up to them for it to be true or not.

But frankly, he'd need that sort of change, and he'd probably be the first daemon-like creature to not want to use or betray them. He wants everyone to be okay, and he tries to be indiscriminate with that desire.

But if he ever finds out that his friendship is part of some sort of plan, the daemons of Tzeentch will NEVER earn that trust back again.

Final Notes

In order from most likely to least likely of gods he'd turn to: Tzeentch, Khorne, Slaanesh, and Nurgle.

If he was in warhammer though, he would probably start his own faction, and become demon Jesus; healing the sick, helping the weak, hanging out with outcasts, etc. He'd collect mortals and daemons alike, for a better future for all (Though he would 100% fail-).

He is barely holding on by a thread, but he persists solely because he is useful to others.

The warhammer universe would be kinder to him than his own, and that's saying something. If he was in fantasy, he would be rejoicing over the fact the older ages are in their correct timing, and that no one nuked themselves for the umpteenth time and ended up regressing and losing progress. If he was in 40K, he'd be happy mankind is going to the stars again, and that they aren't alone again in the universe.

Lucifer wouldn't be overpowered in this universe, unless by some miracle someone convinces him to take care of himself. He WOULD last, but that's only because he can't die, so it doesn't count.

He could also give daemons a different perspective on mortals, as he knows a LOT about humanity, and his people wouldn't even be alive without humanity.

Welp, that's all I got for now. I'm going to bed.

[fnaftalexreader]

Baby Lucifer falling to chaos

He would not fall to chaos.

Not in the traditional sense.

The baby is already chaos. He does not need gods to make him worse.

But he would literally fall ONTO chaos. Most likely some poor daemon or cultist's head.

Here is how he would make himself everyone's problem. (Mercy to the chaos gods that don't get him though, he a powerful baby-)

Slaanesh

Starting off easy, Slaanesh.

Little lucifer would be tempted so easily by slaanesh, it would be depressing

He would sell his soul in a heartbeat for a corn chip

He wouldn't even know what corn or a chip is. The fact that they are new words to him would entice him.

If he joins slaanesh, he would be easily entertained and pleasured.

Daemonettes would essentially be doing that one tiktok trend of showing your pet things they haven't seen before, and he'd lose his freaking MIND-

Examples of things he has never seen before: the corn chip he sold his soul for, painted walls, paintings that aren't of his father, grass, dirt, slightly different dirt than the previous patch of dirt, floor tiles, paint on the wall that is drying, genuine praise, another slightly different patch of dirt, the inside of a torture chamber, more dirt, etc.

It would probably be deeply concerning with how easily entertained he is. Lucifer was heavily neglected in his first stages of existence, and doesn't see a lot of color despite being the archangel of art.

If not for a corn chip, he would turn to slaanesh for a box of crayons

He is still extremely brand new to life, he just has the awareness to enjoy it.

So while his fellow slaanesh worshippers would be practically destroying themselves with their own depravity, he would be stuck far behinds for eons

He would watch paint dry, getting excited as the paint slowly changes color slightly as it loses it's wet shine.

Or he would play with different types of dirt, feeling the different textures under his nails, watching in pure fascination as the soil clings to the oils in his skin

The entire time, in these boring tasks, he would be feeling concerning amounts of pleasure. I say concerning, because one probably shouldn't be in the throughs of ecstasy because of a dandelion growing out of the sidewalk, or because a bird flew differently that day.

Slaanesh is also a perfect fit because lucifer would probably get genuine praise for his art (even if he doesn't use blood of the innocent as paint, or human skin as a canvas)

His father burns his paintings for not being good enough for him, despite being genuinely PERFECT. Everytime his father burns his paintings, he chokes a little, because he wasn't created to know what crying is, or the fact that's what he wants to do when his work is destroyed.

He would be the simplest creature under slaanesh's control, so easily pushed over the edge, so easily overjoyed it would be... kinda sad.

He would believe everything he's told, if given good enough "proof" by the "friends" he would make. He would let his love overflow for each and every single daemon and cultist he meets, trying to know everyone like a puppy that doesn't know he's lost. He's so easy to trick, to manipulate, to shape... That it wouldn't be enjoyable in the end.

He's depressingly happy.

Because how can you not be overjoyed and enthralled by everything, if you aren't allowed to have anything...?

Khorne

AAAAAAAND in the other direction, he would still like Khorne.

He would recognize the word "war" because that's what his twin, Michael, is the archangel of

He would pester some poor bloodletters and bloodthirsters like no tomorrow, asking as many questions as he can about war

bless his heart, he doesn't know what anger really is-

He would ask the daemons of khorne about their sons, because he'd think that anger is only an emotion that fathers can feel-

He would defiantly get stabbed a LOT, but pain does not equal bad in his single celled organism of a brain, unless it is caused by his father, and even then, he's told first that he's done something terrible.

The poor daemons and cultists of khorne would have to learn how to use their words for this stupid kid-

He would be concerningly excited about bleeding though, if he does get hurt. He doesn't know what the golden liquid in his veins are, or the funny feeling that accompanies it when it flows.

Khorne and everyone related to him him would NOT like this poor kid though.

He would be surprisingly good in combat. Just mention the "art" of war, and he is completely down for learning to fight.

He would shout "BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD, SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE" with the same enthusiasm as what he would really want to say: "LOOKIE MR. KHORNE, I'M DOING THE WAR STUFFS :DDD"

Bless his heart...

He would try to become the strongest warrior, not for honor, but for the validation. The baby is willing to commit atrocities, if it means he gets a little bit of praise.

He wouldn't even want a power boost from khorne for his hard work, a thumbs up, and he's satisfied. That's more than his dad would give him!

But after a while, I could see him taking war a little more seriously, after learning how to do the whole anger thing.

Once he learns how to be mad, he'd be pissed at his god for making him the way he is, and for neglecting all of his creations for the sake of his purity.

Honestly, if he did worship Khorne, he would probably change his fate completely, as the whole reason why he fell from grace, was because he thought wars were only won if you were the good guy. No other reason. Under khorne, he would know a bit better.

And if corruption properly took hold? Lucifer would make Khorne shit on his skull throne, by gifting his father's skull: the skull of a 4D being.

He would have to be HEAVILY corrupted though, if he were ever to kill his father. He is still a baby, and a part of him still feels obligated to love his father. But Khorne would defiantly be a better, more validating father figure than Jehovah (though the bar is extremely low. Everyone is a better father figure for this child than Jehovah-)

All it would take is a little chaos corruption, and a lot of false love.

Nurgle

Speaking of love, lucifer would have a complicated relationship with nurgle.

He wouldn't know what a bad smell is, so he wouldn't be too affected there. Sure, his eyes would water, but does he know why his body is doing that?

no.

He would ADORE all of nurgle's creations though, especially the more jovial and playful ones.

He would gladly consume whatever disease he has to, just to have new playmates.

He would probably become a test subject to Ku'gath willingly too, both to play with the nurglings, and for the empathy he would have for the daemon's plight, with wanting to make something perfect for his god.

Ku'gath would probably end up making the disease he wants with the help of lucifer, and then some. The chaos gods, from my understanding, are not 4D. So, a disease that could make a 4th dimensional baby sick? That would oneshot a god-

After being corrupted though, could see him being a little flinchy. after all, the people who love you, will hit you from time to time, because you did something wrong, even if you don't know what you did!

...right?

Tzeentch

Okay, someone save tzeentch-

someone please take this child away, for both of their safeties-

He would be at home with Tzeentch, for the same reason he would be at home with slaanesh: he is so painfully new to the world.

Why would that be a problem?

He is a being technically above Tzeentch, able to open wormholes willy-nilly, with a lot of untapped potential.

If Tzeentch tries to capitalize on this baby's power, he would learn things he shouldn't.

If he could convince lucifer to go outside of time to see fate (which is something he can do, he just doesn't care for it-) Tzeentch would learn about unchangeable fates.

With the 4th dimension, whatever is seen, has already happened. You can't change that fate. Sure, there are different timelines and what not, but the clearest thing to see in time, are things fated to happen.

Lucifer could not only predict the death of chaos, he could give the exact day, month, year, and hour of when it will come to pass.

...and this child's only price for that would be a library book-

As a 4D being, he would be able to give the most accurate reading of fates, and Tzeentch would have to take that into account.

Lucifer would be the only person "immune" to tzeentch fuckery, and that would just be because if Tzeentch ever had plans to betray this kid, Lucifer would be able to see it

He is also very good at sneaking around, he sneaks out of heaven all the time.

You'd think he's just good at it because his father is neglectful, and you're half right. But his father is 4D too. This baby can somehow escape his father's gaze throughout any plane, and he is oblivious to how he can do it.

He would probably be able to sneak up on Tzeentch himself, and give the poor thing the warp equivalent of a heart attack

He could easily be the Lord of Change's greatest asset, or the key to his demise, and it would all fall on how he manipulates this poor angel.

But if he plays his cards right, Lucifer wouldn't care that he is technically higher than chaos...

after all, he wants people to play with, and validation for his existence. He was already a child created to be a tool. The best way to ensure his loyalty, is to use him gently...

Final notes

If lucifer turned to chaos, the safest bet for all the chaos gods would be to adopt him as an undivided daemon prince.

He could pester them all equally, and would never demand power out of arrogance, like other daemons would.

He just would want them to care, to be proud of him. He would earn their validations like he would need them to breathe.

He would be a very naive daemon too. Even with all the chaos corruption, I could still see him holding onto his true personality for a good few billion years. So no daemon would be safe from cuddles, info dumps, rambling, or strange questions until he starts to mature.

Good news for chaos and bad news for everyone else: Lucifer is a buy one, get 166,248,253 free! That's how many angels were going to fall with him in the first place, and falling to chaos instead of from grace, would allow them to keep a lot of their power.

Some would be more loyal to one chaos god than the others, but they would remain loyal to each other.

Honestly, under chaos, they would have a safer, more loving home, with better gods that would care about them more than their own father.

...but then again, that's not saying much, is it?

[fnaftalexreader]

☆Main masterlist☆

X Reader headcanons

Warhammer crossover headcanons

[fnaftalexreader]

Reader headcanons requests

Fredbear x reader on a picnic

Lucifer x platonic reader

[fnaftalexreader]

Warhammer x FNAFtale master post

Uriel Ventris getting tortured by Satan (headcanons)

Baby Lucifer falling to chaos (headcanons)

Demon lucifer vs chaos (headcanons)

[fnaftalexreader]

I'm assuming you meant my baby boi Satan, which is going to be VERY interesting... @gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan

Uriel Ventris getting tortured by Satan (headcanons)

Angel, demon, or God Satan would definitely have their own ways of torturing him-

Before the Fall

Hoooooooo boooooooi

Satan as an angel was very... dense. And very VERY childish.

Time in Hell

While the torture would be unintentional, he still would look like a grown man acting like a little kid.

Look at this man, he's HUGE-

He doesn't look like it, but he's a toddler. A 15-foot toddler. And he would torture him in the same way a normal toddler would.

"Can I touch your armor?! Can I have your weapon?! Do you have any battle stories?! DO YOU WANNA FIGHT ME?!" *literally vibrating with excitement*

He is basically a more violent "do you have games on your phone" kid, and will. Not. Shut. Up.

A bolter to the face won't even intimidate him, because he's never seen a gun before. He's like... 7. And VERY sheltered.

He'll latch onto Uriel's tiny leg (in comparison to him, it's tiny), and just ask millions of questions, till he sees the next poor space marine to harasss.

He has no social boundaries, as angels don't have boundaries with each other. So, the moment Uriel gets fed up with Satan's behavior, it will result in this poor angel crying. He's a sensitive guy, despite his love for all things war.

He's also very much danger prone, and I could see Satan getting Uriel in trouble a LOT by accidentally making him abandon his troops.

"Look at this weird puppy! Can I keep him?!"

"...you heretical magnet of an angel, that's a flesh hound- put it down, it's dangerous!"

He's also surprisingly quiet when he wants to be, and will give the poor man a heart attack every now and again-

Thankfully, he struggles with reading. Why is this a good thing? Uriel could lie to Satan, saying if he reads the codex front to back, he too can become a space marine (or at least an honorary one, if he doesn't want to crush the poor guys hopes and dreams with false promises.)

This might work for a few days, but after a while it will get too frustrating, and he might try to rip up the poor thing out of frustration.

But before he can, Belphegor, Lucifer, Andras, Metatron, Gabriel, or someone else that likes to read will start reading the codex like a bedtime story for him.

Till their father tries to burn it, seeing it as "evil" since its knowledge outside of his own. He doesn't like his kids learning anything.

But this is pretty much how baby Satan would torture him. He'd push Uriel's flexibility to its limits with his childish nature, huge stature, and inability to understand ANY social cues, human or space marine.

After Ascension

Ah shit, here we go again.

He doesn't really change much in personality, but he is partially blind, occasionally hears voices challenging him or calling him weak, and at this point, he makes daemons of khorne seem more patient.

VERY irritable, and constantly scared, he's more like a frightened animal than a malicious demon.

But he still looks like demonic scum... if you squint, he looks like a bloodthirster. So he's chaos enough.

Satan wouldn't really attack him unprompted, let alone actually torture him.

But if he hurt other demons first? Mercy is not Satan's first thought-

"You fired at a LAMBTTEN?! I WILL RIP OUT YOUR ENTRAILS AND STRANGLE YOU WITH THEM!"

He's very overprotective of the denizens of gehenna, and-

Huh...

Now that I think about it, and what I've researched...

Satan is just demon Uriel.

They're both warriors, they both think outside the box, they're protective of the innocent...

Satan is just Uriel with anger issues, crippling cptsd, and anxiety.

I could see Satan torturing him over a misunderstanding, like Uriel attacking demonic children, thinking they're chaos scum.

Or him attacking Satan, thinking he's hurting civilians, when he's trying to protect them too. Leading to another fight that doesn't go in Uriel's favor.

At this point in his life, Satan is not strong. Not by a long shot. But he is CRAZY. He's willing to do everything and anything to protect the innocent, even it means hurting himself or others in the process.

Though he'd eventually find out what a good person Uriel is for the most part, and feel REALLY guilty for hurting him. He can respect a warrior protecting their own, he just forgets that not all who hurt children are villains.

He'd let his siblings heal him up, while he himself lays on the ground with guts between his fangs, whimpering like a bad dog who got caught ripping up the couch.

I could see them coming to an agreement in secret, like with the demon engine. Though it would be more mutually beneficial. Demons help protect the empire from chaos, and they get food for the Lambttens in return.

This would DEFINITELY get him checked for heresy again, but thankfully working with demons from gehenna doesn't corrupt your mind. You only get weird, if you already are weird. You won't have urges to fuck your mom, or murder puppies any time soon. The demons of gehenna don't want you to do that either-

But Uriel might get a little too close to being executed for heresy as again, Satan is blind. Out of all the demons, he's one of the few that would get caught a LOT due to his disability. He can "see" mainly through hearing, so the marching of an army sounds like he's already surrounded, unless he's more focused.

They might have to give him and his chapter refuge at that point, and that would slowly lead things to end up kinda like how the angelic interaction would go.

"...so can I have your bolter? I won't do anything with it, I just want to feel it-"

Uriel will not know a day without this demon fanboying over the emperor's children, if he dares to answer any of the demon's questions-

At this point in Satan's life, he has finally matured.

He's basically like Khorne, if Khorne had a zen garden.

He is a god of wrath, but also patience. A god of war and peace. A god of violence and mercy.

His domain reflects this weird balance between blood and serenity. Part of his temple is dedicated to training in all forms of combat. While another part is dedicated to meditation. There are decorative infinity pools full of blood, with an enchantment to keep the blood from rotting and stinking up the place. The air has a mix of iron, smoke, and incense filling it with their unique and oddly pleasant smell. Satan's own room has bubbling rivers of blood, zen gardens, actual gardens, and a small training area where he keeps his favorite weapons in a display near his meditation spot.

All in all, he's fucking weird.

At this point, he's a god, but he's able to take a healthier version of his demonic form. With black fur and white wool.

He's a lot more patient, as already stated, and THAT would be what tortures Uriel...

...and possibly getting accused of heresy, AGAIN-

Satan would take Uriel in, given the chance, to give him tests and challenges in an attempt to think even more outside the Codex Astartes, and whatever boxes he has in his mind in general.

He wouldn't be any real danger. Buuuuut, it would be like waking up in a saw trap, unaware that it's a normal escape room.

Satan, at this point, would torture him purely on accident. Sure, he'd wish to scare him and give him pressure, but he doesn’t want to drive the poor man mad-

If the puzzles get to be too much, Satan would give him a break, which could get mistaken for a trick of chaos.

Satan wouldn't want him to convert away from the emperor, he's just made it his life goal to help any and all warriors to be their best, most honorable selves.

I could see him and the emperor having a fight in the warp. Not a full on battle, more so an argument over Satan kidnapping warriors to train and send back out with better strategy skills-

At this point, getting tortured by Satan would just be bizarre...

But if you want headcanons on ACTUAL intentional torture, it's the same as when he was a demon. Hurt the innocent, and you get mauled.

He wouldn't care for the "kill all xenos on sight" rule, even if humanity has a good reason for it. A child is a child and must be sheltered from war, even if they are your enemies' blood.

Thankfully, Uriel's sense of honor might save him here, as the only time I've read about him threaten the innocent was when he was threatening to kamikaze a planet so the tau would back off.

But if he hurts a Lambtten, out of reflex from fighting daemon scum-

He is in for a WORLD of hurt-

Because, unlike Khorne, Satan is extremely patient at this point... sure, he could have his followers maul him as a sacrifice. But he could also make a small slit in his skin, and have him bleed to death, one milligram of blood at a time...

Is it inefficient? Yes. Will it probably take months or years for it to kill him? Probably. But Satan can wait for Uriel to beg for death, either to end his boredom or to get his agonizingly slow execution over with.

It will also give him time to think about his actions and apologize.

But surprisingly, dying from a tiny cut in your foot or hand would be Satan showing mercy in a backwards way.

If Uriel REALLY pissed him off at this age? Dude would just eat him.

Just depends on whether or not the Lambtten is just wounded or dead. If the Lambtten dies to Uriel's hand, he's getting eaten. If they're just hurt, he gets the ridiculously slow execution and plenty of time to apologize to the god and possibly the child he hurt.

I had to go to the wiki a few times and watch a whole video on him, so this might not be perfect. But I did my best with what I got :3

[fnaftalexreader]

lucifer relationship headcanons. gimme. rn. give. (please i beg)

Relationship headcanons for the boi himself! Lucifer x an unspecified reader!

All will be platonic, as Lucifer is canonically acearo in fnaftale.

Before the Fall

You are most likely a mortal of some kind he ran across, after running away from heaven

He thinks you're SOOOOOOO cool! (He also is very interested in every individual blade of grass, as he's never seen such things before-)

Bless his heart, he's stupid. Your friendship with him is a bunch of heart attacks-

"Hey, what's this thing?" *holds a knife DANGEROUSLY close to his face*

He is extremely oblivious, and innocent. The only thing that will keep him from hurting himself out of his stupidity or for his own amusement, will be your distraught face of horror or genuine sorrow.

He's only seen fear or sadness a few times, and it was mild. He's only felt fear and sorrow a few times in his very short life, and it was usually because of his father. He felt sad when his father burned his "imperfect" paintings, and he only felt fear when he angered him with his desire to play all the time.

At first, he'd be fascinated, and a little concerned over your care. Wondering why you're being really sad or really scared, when you haven't done anything wrong, or bad. You'll have to explain to him that you actually care about his well being, and you don't want him to be hurt.

Unfortunately, at this point of his life, pain is SO COOL! He doesn't feel much in general, as heaven isn't really stimulating. (Seriously, the inside of Caelum's palace makes white torture seem like decent interior design.) He was already fascinated by pain before he ran away. Flying into walls just to feel something other than constant mellow bliss. It was maddening for his creative mind.

He was a prototype angel, and that much is obvious when he's compared to his other siblings. While he shines brightly, he shines too bright. Literally, his name of Morningstar comes from the fact he becomes a purple, glittery flashbang when he's happy! He's also more childish, emotional, and intentionally ignorant. His father thought that would make for a more moldable tool, but it only proved to be a liability the longer lucifer was alive.

He'll try not to hurt himself around you, but he will pick fights with others to get that sensation. Hell, he might even fight you if you're willing to throw hands with him! He'd LOVE to fight you, but he'd let you win. He loves seeing people celebrate their victories.

He loves any sense of sensory, however. Hug him, snuggle him, cook food, play music, etc. He will ADORE you. You have pets? He LOVES animals, especially petting them. He's 15 feet tall, and his hands are almost bigger than you, but he has the precision of an artist. He's extremely gentle but very excitable with any new experience.

If you're ever cold, don't worry. He loves being cold, and his wings are warm. He'll gladly enjoy the cold air, while wrapping his wings around you like a fluffy blanket. Angel feathers are as soft as clouds, feeling like a mixture of silk and Maine Coon fur. They're really sensitive too, so if you pet them, he'll glow and giggle.

If you're friends with him for long enough for him to discover new forms of art, he'll most likely write a poem for you. Though it would be messy, and imperfect, with contradicting themes, but it would be about beauty in his mind. As everything he comes across is a wonderful thing.

"You are the ever changing breeze, the warmth of summer in your laughter, the cold of blizzards in your tears. You are the struggling fly in a web, and the widow that thrives by devouring it. You are the smell of fresh books, and the dust destined to cover them as you dance in my father's light. You are my blood, shining as you pour from my veins and the pain that comes with it, along with the knife responsible for the spill. An all consuming black hole, and a struggling star in its grasp. You are every wrinkle I have very counted, and every tiny hand that can't even grip my own. You are the parasites tearing at flesh, and the hero that slays it. You are everything I have met, and experienced, yet not the same at all. The beauty of the universe does not do you justice. You don't do it justice either. The beauty is undeniable though, like your soul."

If you cry over his way of saying he appreciates your existence, he'll try to burn the papers, to start from scratch, thinking that his work is imperfect. Stop him before he destroys more of his art-

You might be one of the first people that teach him about pride and self worth. Compliment the baby, he eats that shit UP-

He quite literally is a baby too. He may look like a muscular, large man. But he has pretty much zero experience in life. Baby stuff works on him. He will worship your key chain, jingle it. JINGLE IT DAMN YOU, LET THE BOI EXPERIENCE WONDER!

Personifying random objects will also work on him at this age, and it's a great way of keeping him in one spot. Tell him a rock looks sad and lonely, and he will sit with it for literal hours.

As the worst case of Sad Beige Mom, or in case: Dad. He needs colors. Paint with him. Paint his wings. He will love being as colorful as possible, and will become a literal beacon of purple light the more colorful you both are.

11/10, he'd be an amazing friend, just PLEASE stimulate him.

Time in Hell

Oh dear lord...

He's not the sweet baby boy he once was, and pain is no longer entertaining... his father, like with everything, ruined it.

If you're a sinner or a hellborn, he'll be much more openly kind. If you're a summoner, it would take a lot for him to show his true colors, as he acts "villainous" when summoned by mortals, in order to get food. Not for himself, but for his people.

Going with the sinner route, he'd most likely trick you out of the flames, if you're not a sinner for something stupid, like being of a different religion, or being a genuinely kind person that has no place in heaven.

If you're an actual sinner, the other demons will lie to you, saying that lucifer is foolish. While that is true to an extent, he isn't THAT stupid. They'll trick you into thinking that all demons are kind (they are), and that lucifer will think you're a demon that fell in the fires of hell and got all burned up if you ask nicely enough (he won't, but he'll play along. As he's done for centuries). Keep acting kind, and he'll continue thinking you're a demon and- Oh shit, you're redeemed as the kindness is a way for survival here! You need to care for others, so they care for you, and that's how you stay fed and sheltered here! Lucifer will eventually tell you the truth, that he was tricking you into becoming a kinder person, but he will give you a recent sacrifice or some fruit he managed to snag. As a peace offering, in case you get mad.

If you're a hellborn, you would call him Big Brother, as that is what demons call fallen angels. But he is THE Big Brother. The one who stood up to The Father. The whole reason why hell/Gehenna exists. And he'd adore you! No matter how tired, or how much pain he's in, or how worthless he feels, he'd make sure that your pain is always less than his. He'll make toys from animal skins and bones for you, make up stories to tell you, and will even sing you songs. His voice still as heavenly as an angel, his demonic voice always giving him a new and haunting way of making glorious melodies.

If you're a normal human that summoned him, it's going to take finding out about his kind nature, and coaxing him to show it to you. Think about httyd, and that's basically it. You are taming a large, scared person, that uses villainy to get what he wants (theatrical villainy, at least.) He is an antihero at the end of the day. Killing the deserving, threatening people to become better people, and refuses to harm children if he can help it.

But... what if you're a human child?

Then he is Luci, the Goat-Cat! He'll pretend to be your imaginary friend, to get close to you. To the youth that was beaten out of him... the innocence. He'll read you bedtime stories, play any game you desire, and even steal you away for the night to steal candy and ice cream from corporations. If your home is less than ideal, he will gladly eat your parents and take you to an orphanage. We won't leave your side, till you're either adopted, or too old to have an imaginary friend.

For more general headcanons/canons, here are some more things about him.

Cuddles do help with his episodes, grounding him into reality. After all, no one hugged him while all his friends were slaughtered in mass... it would break him out of it, albeit slowly.

He suffers from sever hallucinations, that would effect your friendship with him. Voices of people calling for help, flaming children, gusts of cold wind that aren't actually blowing... they only get worse and worse the more stressed and scared he gets, sometimes getting to the point where he is reliving his fall from grace, and the genocides that followed... over and over again.

He has the personality of a half drowned cat found in a wet bag of rocks beside a river, that somehow still has love and faith in humanity. He's a very tortured soul, in desperate need for love. He will not refuse cuddles, even if you're human. Just ask him first, and instantly you will have a giant, sad snoot in your arms.

He has a very brotherly way of treating those he cares about, ranging from gentle advice, to annoying the hell out of you with physical affection that denies you freedom.

"Oh no! It appears I have been cursed! Gravity weighs so heavy on me! Has Gaia returned, and angered with me?! She is pulling me. Down, heavily! I can't get up, what do you mean, I'm heavy?"

He also has extremely poor coping skills. He is cursed with worthlessness. He is the demon of pride, but he also has severe imposter's syndrome. Making him put other's above himself to an unhealthy degree

You hungry? Oh, then he will never eat and make sure you always have a meal! He doesn't deserve food, he's immortal anyways, not like starvation will kill him.

You tired? Oh, then he will refuse to sleep. Singing you lullabies that last hours, maybe even days to make sure your well rested. He doesn't deserve sleep, and again, he's immortal! It will only weaken and confuse him at worse. Not like not sleeping for your sake will kill him.

You in danger? He will attempt to sacrifice his life for you. Being immortal, he's a meat shield that will almost never falter. He's also very used to being a punching bag... so he can take several hits, a few.... billion arrows to the back (<- why I draw his back with so many scars. He canonically uses his back as a shield), swords through the heart... all he needs is his inspiration from the unyielding mortal spirit to keep you safe. His life doesn't matter, until he can be used as a tool, and he will use himself well.

This cripples him, however. The idea that he is undeserving of basic needs, makes him weaker in multiple ways, especially in the dark arts. He has the potential of being a powerful deity, one equal or even rivaling his father (to refinance Diablo, think Anu before tathamet was created. He and his siblings are capable of being on that level if they ACTUALLY FUCKING EAT-), but since he doesn't take care of himself, he can't even make a simple fireBall, let alone stand properly. Everything he does is out of force of will. His physical strength is nothing in comparison to his mental will. He's able to mask his pain almost perfectly, but will slip up with his words when he gets too comfortable.

Getting him to take care of himself will take WRESTLING and lots of guilt tripping. Cancel his guilt from over literal centuries, with more guilt over how awful he makes you feel over him not taking care of himself. Make him feel bad enough, he'll take a nap, and maybe eat a good meal. Do it enough, he might even get strong enough to do more for you! Which he will definitely do out of appreciation. He will use his reclaimed powers to give you feasts, riches, luxuries. Be careful to make sure he doesn't over exhaust his powers, and end up at square one again. He WILL spoil you, as no simple thank you will ever be enough for helping him regain some of his powers.

3/10 on the friend scale (what he would give himself at least- he is a 10/10, he lost one point because of how he hates himself, and uses his love for others as a backwards way to self harm)

After Ascension

This is the lucifer after his father's death, when he actually gets- *le gasp* medication and therapy!

He is much bigger, but is still able to become his 15 foot size. His new "normal" size however is a similar stature to his father: 165 feet. Though his true form is much, much bigger, able to cover entire planets. But he doesn't need to be that big to cover you in platonic kisses!

Very cuddly, very kissy, and very tired-

He has to deal with his 7,560,000 angelic siblings that have mentally regressed to that of really fucked up toddlers with homicidal tendencies, due to how many years they've been braindead, and forced to slaughter billions upon billions of demons.

But lucifer always finds time to listen to prayers and woes, and treats every word seriously... at times, too seriously. He literally has prayers and requests written down, filed, and he painstakingly goes through every file to make sure each prayer is answered.

If you are a mortal that worships, or is friends with lucifer you are welcomed to watch him work, which will just be him getting stopped from doing his paperwork every five seconds to pry tidepods and/or rats from his siblings mouths.

He gets super fat from finally eating consistent meals, and he grows thick fur and wool that is super soft. He also makes sure he's constantly cleaned, so he almost always smells like fresh lavender and figs.

Still won't complain about cuddles, but this time you don't need to ask! Go ahead and hug him, he'd always be there for you, unlike his useless father...

He'll cook you meals, and give you fresh clothes made from his own wool. It's strong too, so a sweater from lucifer can work as armor! It's also fireproof, many wins! Once you have a full belly and warm clothes, he'd also make sure you're comfy and that you have a soft bed to sleep in.

This is the most fatherly lucifer will ever get, and you WILL feel like his child. You might even accidentally call him dad a few times before you both make it a bit.

He will start telling dad jokes, as he babies and dots on you. He is a very hands on type of God, treating every creation like family.

No matter the age you are friends with him, he will see you as beautiful, as every life in his eyes: great, small, "pretty", "ugly" is beautiful to him. From the most terrible looking of bugs, to the most graceful of birds. From the grandest things in creation, to the most devastating of destruction, it is beautiful to him. You a ripple in the grand design, older than you both, and he will adore every second of your life that he shares with his own. After all, your kind was the only reason why he continued to live, when his life had no worth. Every mortal being is his will to live, his hope personified. The older he gets, the more loving he is.

∞/10 best friend. Your eternal soul is safe in his gentle claws, for the rest of eternity. No matter the hardships you face in life, the pain and suffering you endure, lucifer cheers you on. He will welcome you lovingly, when your time inevitably comes, but he will watch your every step before the great beyond as he does every other mortal: with pride. He is proud of you, and all you achieve. Even if your grandest achievements are just getting up, or managing to shower, he knows how hard that is sometimes.

"...child. you are the grandest art in the universe. Every little detail in the cosmos, is part of a grander tapestry. You are one of the many details I favor. No detail is my true "favorite" mind you. That would be cruel of me, to deam something lesser for whatever reason. But... what I mean to say is, everything about you, I have loved. Your first cry, as you announced your presence to the world... every tooth lost, with quarters in their places... I enjoyed watching each freckle on your skin form, as you played in the sun... I enjoyed watching you scuff your knees when you played, and how brave you were when you got back up... your every shower performance, I listened to with pride and closed eyes, as you have the voice of an angel much like my kin. I have not watched every second of your existence, or heard every word. This universe is vast, and there are so many that need me to love them... but every second I've had the pleasure to know you, before you knew me, has been a blessing someone of my rank in the heavens could never give. Thank you, for bringing so much beauty to the universe. I cannot wait until you are gently welcomed home, with your hair has grayed and fallen, when you reach the mortal's autumn. Years of warm smiles, leaving generous wrinkles... you are so beautiful now, and you will be beautiful then. Keep living, my child. Not a single second is wasted. Not to me... at least."

Edit: forgot something important!

Bonus stuff!

Angel/baby lucifer fluffy up his wings when he gets comfortable, so he would ge extra fluffy when cuddling you.

Demon and God lucifer purr, and they love belly rubs and chin scritches. His ears are sensitive, and only get more so after he gets furr. He also would purr to calm you down or make you feel better.

Lucifer at all ages kneads and chews on things, for different reasons. Baby Lucifer does it because of his lack of stimulation growing up, hell/teenish Lucifer does it to soothe stress, and god/adult Lucifer does it when he's content. He will make biscuits on your back, as he knows it will scratch and massage you at the same time. His love language is very touchy feely.

If you give demon lucifer pain meds, he will do zoomies. And he is VERY fast on all fours.

His tail is prehensile, and he WILL Carry you if you're really close to him. Wrapping his tail around you and his chest, like rope tying you to his underbelly. You will know what it's like to be a baby gorilla, without all the work of holding on for dear life.

[fnaftalexreader]

Headcanons for Fredbear on a picnic, please!

Fredbear x an unspecified reader on a picnic!

The entertainment era

How the hell did you get him out of the diner?!

If you're having a proper picnic with him outside, you either somehow got Henry's permission, or you kidnapped fredbear for this.

You're most likely having a pretend picnic at the diner, though.

Charlotte is definitely there, after all, Fredbear is her big brother!

All the food is Fazbear Brand. Pizzas, burgers, Fazfloats, etc.

He'd probably "eat" the ballpit balls, just to feel included. As he knows his dad would get frustrated if he gunked up his system.

He would also probably keep advertising the food as you eat.

"Good golly! That Fazaeroni Delux Pizza sure looks delicious! Bet that tastes great with the Foxy Flooded Ship cheese fries! I see people buying them together all the time!"

He probably would sing advertisement jingles if you're not convinced.

To add some angst, if you're having a "picnic" at the diner, it's probably because you're homeless, an orphan, or from a struggling family. Most likely, you'll be given a coupon for more food, to have "another picnic sometime soon!" Fazbears was made to be a beacon of hope, after Henry and William survived WW2 as kids. A place where no kid, or person in general would ever feel unsafe or unwelcomed.

Underground era

You're probably having a picnic in Lillygear Falls, as that's one of his favorite places to be.

It's most likely going to be takeout from Scraphouse, as fredbear "can't" cook.

That is in fact a lie. Fredbear is an AMAZING cook. He just didn't want to cook.

He'll be making puns every now and again, trying to annoy you as you eat, but it's all in good fun.

He'll probably be distracted, looking up at the glow worms on the roof. Pretending they're stars.

35 minutes in, he's going to fall asleep. He's always tired, as he doesn't really sleep well at night.

If you're really close with him, he might make you some food from his father's cookbook, but that would be pretty unexpected. He doesn't like cooking for people, despite his talent for it...

Era of grief

You're probably a fellow endodorian or a human fighting for endodorian rights in R.O.R.A (Resistance of Robot Abuse).

You're most likely in Fredbear's new backyard, or in lillygear falls again, as it’s too dangerous to go to an actual park.

Now he's actually going to cook, as he now has a daughter named Stellaursa at this point, and he's gotten more healthy habits!

Homemade sandwiches, soups, etc. All of them are his dad's recipes, right down to the bread of the sandwiches.

You'll probably hear a lot of gunshots and screams, but Fredbear would make lots of small talk, and use his old showman skills to distract you and his daughter.

He'll probably make you all go inside after a while, if things get too dusty outside. There he'll make you and Stella make pillow forts in the basement, until everything blows over outside.

Era of the Endodorian Empire

You're most likely a friend he made, years ago, or at a large group picnic that would be considered a religious ceremony (friendship is literally worshiped in endodorian culture, and their love for it only becomes more fanatic over the years)

Fredbear by now would be famous for having the most ideal cooking talent when it comes to recreating his father's recipes. He even is able to make his own, with the same style as his father, using the new animals and plants that grow on Toehasheolinmfe (new name for earth.)

He'll probably make you play with his grandkids, or great grandkids, or whatever grandkids are alive at this point. Endodorians can mature as fast as humans, or purposely slow their development, as their bodies need outside help to physically age, so depending on when this picnic tales place, he may have descendants millions of generations down his family tree alive while he's still kicking.

He'll have a lot more energy, and will sing songs just like he would have as a kid during his showman years. Though this time, the songs will be part of a religious sing along, leading to the lafyemalinmulowdielfly singing with him, in a large chorus. This would happen with any endodorian starting a group song at the picnic. The songs would all be about friendship, adventure, and-or never giving up. If he wants to make the king cry, he might even sing some show songs from the 1960s, that he still remembers.

At this point, he'd also be the most fatherly towards you, as all species inevitably mentally regress to being like children, so even if you're in your 60s, you'll still be acting like an excitable little kid.

[fnaftalexreader]

Current lore can be found in his Doc or on my main blog @glitterdragonthegreatprotector

Currently accepting headcanon requests for my devils, angels, Humanity, and the Endodorians. I'm willing to do NSFW headcanons, but they will be tagged accordingly. I don't care what you request, as long as I can worldbuild.

Technically these "headcanons" are straight up canon, since this AU is my creation.

If I'm up for it, I'll maybe even write mini reader x character fics if anyone is interested.

If I don't get to your request, beat me over the head on my main blog, bc this is my 49th side blog- (yes I counted, I have 50 blogs total, as of current- bite me.)

Rules:

No pedophilia/MAP stuff. That should be a given. Incest is a no go too

Do not spam me on this blog. If i don't see your request, it will get buried. Spam me on my main, or hit my DM if I don't see your request.

Don't be afraid to ask for tags. Fnaftale is EXTREMELY dark, so some headcanons might not be for the faint of heart (especially with all the angst I beat the demons over the head with.) If I write something unsettling, and don't tag it properly, I would appreciate it if you tell me.

Put a year with your request. There are many eras in my AU, as the timeline stretches for billions of years (I'm masochistic when it comes to world building, apparently.) If you don't give me a year, I will give headcanons for whatever era i feel like in the moment.

Crossovers are heavily welcomed. I will do as much research as I can to get character interactions as accurate as possible. If you'd like, you can even DM me and we can talk about my characters, factions, and how characters from other universes would interact them or vice versa. It also gives me an excuse to interact with new fandoms!

Currently taking requests for:

Endodorians! These are any fnaf animatronics 1-ffps, along with nightguards. If you do not specify the endodorian, I will give you a general headcanon for their species as a whole. (If you want headcanons for a nonspecific character, tell me species and job.) There are 4 eras for the Endodorians that will effect headcanons.

The entertainment era (1970s to 2021)

Underground era (2022 to 12021 early)

Era of grief (late 12021 to 12026)

Era of the Endodorian Empire (12041 throughout the rest of the timeline)

Demons! They have more of their lore written on my lore doc, so if you're interested in learning more about them, check it out! It's not finished (yet), so you may get more lore from here than there. I'll do headcanons for whatever demons have their lore sheet filled out and random demons (specify their sin/s if they are a hellborn, or if they're a sinner or a fallen angel. This will affect the headcanons.) Will probably mainly do the 7 main devils + Lilith. Lucifer, Leviathan, Satan, Beelzebub, Belphegor, Asmodeus, and Mammon are up for headcanon requests. Like with the Endodorians, they have Eras that will affect the headcanons. Will not put years 'cause FUCK immortality, you can look at the timeline in the doc if you want specific years.

Before the Fall

Time in Hell

After Ascension

Angels! They currently have pretty much no written lore yet, and their names are on my main blog in art posts. I'm most likely to write for Michael, Raphael, Gabriel, Sandalphon/Angela Dervana, Metatron, Ariel, Haniel, Azrael, and Chamuel. But that's only because these are the angels I know off the top of my head. If you request an angel from my art I have not mentioned, I will gladly write for them too. (I will also take requests for Jesus and Jehovah, as yes. They are cannon and important. If you feel as unhinged as me, you can request any Bible characters as well. I am just as surprised as you are that the Bible is canon-)

Before heaven's schism

Bible times

Modern times

Era of freedom

Any groups not on here, mentioned, or implied in canon can be requested. Like humanity, or the mananites. The groups listed as of now are just one ones I'll mainly focus on.

If headcanons aren't enough, @ask-underfazverse is for direct questions to my characters, or roleplay.

☆Current masterlist☆