foxchasesneither

[foxchasesneither]

Lady at the airport wont sell black nail paint to me :’((

Says- this is a KFC. OKAY HOMOPHOBE

[foxchasesneither]

Maybe the world just needs a little bit more of-

[foxchasesneither]

Once more, once again,

It’s dark, I can’t move, I can’t breathe

I know there are patterns that led me here,

Signs that I see, but I don’t, not really, not clearly

I’m scared to look more closely

So, could you see them, for me?

Or could you lend me your eyes?

Lend me your hands, legs and mind, while you’re at it too

I’ll keep my heart though, even if sometimes it beats too fast

Who knows, without my mind, it may do what it’s supposed to

And then things will be alright, right?

Your thoughts, my emotions

My love, your directions

And then, maybe they’ll finally point at me

And all that love I have to give, I’ll learn to keep some for me

And then maybe I’ll finally be free of this critique, inside of me

Maybe then, I could see

The patterns that lead me here? Probably no, not really

But at least, the love, the beauty that’s all around me

Then maybe I’ll return your eyes, look its bright outside

Maybe I’ll go for a nice walk and return your legs too

I’ll keep your mind though, till i feel sane

I’ll hold me with your arms, till I can breathe again

Till this feeling in my chest is gone,

Hey look, my favourite show is on

Here, I’ll return your arms, I’ll even return your mind

For it may be selfish to hold on to it for so long

But I’ll keep holding your hands, if I ever need you-

Once more, once again

- KS

29.05

I know this though, I’ll have to use my own mouth to ask for help

[foxchasesneither]

Oh to be able to fly

- Me looking at birds fly, riding my bike, listening to Romantic Flight from httyd by John Powell

This movie had great music

- Me shortly after still listening to the song on loop

I should rewatch it

- Me less shortly after.

Oh to be able to fly

- Me after- shortly after- now watching httyd

This movie had great music

- Me still watching httyd

I should rewatch it

- Me shortly after finishing the movie

( I didn’t rewatch it coz law of diminishing marginal utility )

[foxchasesneither]

Narcissus’s reply

I would if I could

I did try, to look her in the eye

But then why, all I saw echoing back at me were my own flaws

all the falls that I was, all the highs that I could never reach

I used to be so afraid what the world would think of me

that I hid, and thought more about me than they ever did,

About what I should and shouldn’t be

I sat for so long and reflected, at the edge of that pond

I thought I learned slowly to love myself, enough to try to be better

And that’s precisely who I saw in the reflection of that water

Not me as I was, but the me I could be

And thats who I loved, and thats who I chased

It was not my reflection, even if it was my face

And after what felt like passing of an age,

I grew tired and weary of that chase

And I realized, maybe everyone else might be just like me

They may not have a pond, but maybe

They too pondered more than I could ever see

Still I sat, at the edge of the pond, the same one that, for so long I had looked at

And I took a deep breath and for the first time I really saw,

The clear water, its gentle flow

the tiny fishes in the water, the round stones below

some big rocks covered in moss, a couple dry leaves floating across,

And I thought maybe again I’d give it a try, to look her straight in the eye

Though she may very well see me flawed and broken,

and I’ll never really know what she thinks,

But this time, I’ll see the color of her eyes

And for now that should suffice,

That should suffice

-KS

17.04

In that reflection, Maybe narcissus wasn’t looking at his own face

Maybe he just faced, the world through a watery image

because he was afraid of facing it head on

Maybe he wasn’t vain and proud,

maybe his ears just preferred echoes over sound

Maybe he tried to look up, to get up from where he sat

But maybe it was just too vibrant and blinding to look at

the blue of the sky, the yellow of the flowers

Or maybe he just liked the way they moved in the water, the stars

And while all the heroes went about seeking glory,

maybe Narcissus alone was content with his story

And maybe he’s just a bit misunderstood,

Maybe he’d get up from the edge of the pond, if he could

Maybe he’d get strong, and not be so subdued

And he’d stare at all things the red, green and blue

But could he ever look a person in the eye, and not look for his own reflection?

I wouldn’t know, only he would

-KS

01.02

[foxchasesneither]

In that reflection, Maybe narcissus wasn’t looking at his own face

Maybe he just faced, the world through a watery image

because he was afraid of facing it head on

Maybe he wasn’t vain and proud,

maybe his ears just preferred echoes over sound

Maybe he tried to look up, to get up from where he sat

But maybe it was just too vibrant and blinding to look at

the blue of the sky, the yellow of the flowers

Or maybe he just liked the way they moved in the water, the stars

And while all the heroes went about seeking glory,

maybe Narcissus alone was content with his story

And maybe he’s just a bit misunderstood,

Maybe he’d get up from the edge of the pond, if he could

Maybe he’d get strong, and not be so subdued

And he’d stare at all things the red, green and blue

But could he ever look a person in the eye, and not look for his own reflection?

I wouldn’t know, only he would

-KS

01.02

[foxchasesneither]

I’m smart enough to know what the blank canvas in front of me signifies

But still I’m too afraid to pick up the brush, too afraid to decide

What painting would look the best, what colours should I use?

Will I dislike it so much that I throw it out myself or will it hang in the louvre?

I’m smart enough to realise that if I don’t

move, as a blank canvas I’ll die

But still I’m too afraid to try, and slowly but surely time is passing me by

Blank Canvas

-KS

06.07

[foxchasesneither]

Drapes and shades separate my brain

Not letting pass, even a single beam

For the idealist in me is afraid to dream

In front of the the cynic, with his words unkind

Who resides, in the back of my mind

Even though, scoffs and snickers

that’s all the cynic has to offer

A sour milkshake, a relentless tease

Afraid of truly living, a distasteful brain-freeze

-KS

31.07

[foxchasesneither]

Dark, my room

Rusty, my pen

Dry, the ink in it

Stormy, the weather outside

And so, a deep sigh,

and the thunder outside

Clear away the dust

on the shelves of my mind

A deep sigh,

and the thunder outside

wakes me up

from this slumber of mine

I look down at my desk

As my joints crack

I take a look, at the book

in my lap

The title reads

‘It’s good to have you back’

-KS

25.05

[foxchasesneither]

The clouds are my friends,

they keep me safe

From the shadows that hide

in the sunlight

White hot with anger

With rays like whips

it chips, away at me

Till I’m left

Red and bloody,

Wishing the clouds

could stay a bit longer

The clouds are my friends

For they alone realise

That it burns so bright

Because it hides darkness inside

-KS

23.03

Bracing myself for a sunny embrace

[foxchasesneither]

Fill up a cup with songs about my flaws

And I'll be sure to drown,

dancing to the tune of my insecurities

-KS

11.12

[foxchasesneither]

The highs and the lows,

why do I experience them so?

Why couldn't it have been,

just a plateau?

-KS

18.09

[foxchasesneither]

At the very top of the rollercoaster,

A two seater, just you and me

The rush, the high, the happiness

And the fear,

fear that there's nowhere to go but down

-KS

17.09

Why can't it last a bit more? Why can't we?

[foxchasesneither]

Falling,

short of my own expectations

out of touch, with who I was

in love, against my own wishes

Falling

apart, coming undone at the seams

I'm fallingly human, it seems

-KS

14.09

[foxchasesneither]

First impressions, they don't really last

not unlike a silhouette in the dark

People change or maybe they stay the same

but the night passes by, identities uncertain

and the the sun starts to rise, bringing with it

the realisation of who everyone really is

-KS

09.09

[foxchasesneither]

Sitting in the back, with the windows rolled all the way down

The wind and weariness on my face, it's been a long day

Tired and thirsty, I close my eyes and open my mouth, as it starts raining down

And I whisper, 'let today be known as the day I drank the clouds'

-KS

09.09

[foxchasesneither]

These feelings they don't die

they don't wither, nor do they dissapear

Just like fall leaves, they change colors

The heavenly pink of love

turns to a hateful violet mulberry,

at the slightest speck of jealousy

And the sweet nectar turns

leaving behind an arsenic aftertaste

-KS

04.09

It would be much simpler, a colorless world