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[friendlypsychopathnextdoor]

Merry Christmas or happy holidays.

May you survive the next 36 to 48 or 64 hours and enjoy at least half of them.

[friendlypsychopathnextdoor]

Day 2530

I have started painting again, but I have come to answer my own paintings. If I draw a flower I wish to surround it by pavement. If I draw a city, I wish to fit the leaves of trees around the frame. A person in jeans and tattoos, only if they are jumping from a tree. A dead angle surrounded by doves.

I am not saving on canvas. My therapist might call it obsessed with independence.

But it feels, as when I am switching between languages, that I am speaking my own language. Sometimes I wonder if there is someone out there who would answer with a similar string of words, it would be easy to teach someone, maybe.

But what for?

I do not observe myself as much as I used to in my past. Living in your head, analysing yourself might seem interesting and safe, but there is an entire world out there.

My last breath was long overdue, another thing that might worry my therapist, possibly, but I shall value every breath I take. I will not waste a moment I might spend hearing, smelling, touching, seeing the world pondering my own mentality. If I might still end up with 80 years on this Earth, I will not waste them looking for someone who knows when to paint a dove or by questioning and examining my own uniqueness.

(-confession/lie 291)

[friendlypsychopathnextdoor]

(SHEMYAZA)

But what’s a mirror for its people, a sin for its Christ?

Is life to reflect what one sacrificed?

Suffering is but a wind, and who is to catch what flies?

Am I but the glitter in Samuel’s eyes?

A spider on a street lamp, glowing, but fallen is my core?

No servant to your divine possession, not thy creation anymore?

But fallen as I might be, my core is my own art.

I am as I will, to hold me is to tear me apart.

No slave’s made of a shark in captivity.

No evil’s made of a fish roaming free.

I owe life not a sin nor a blessing,

and nothing in return.

Heaven or hell be thy aggression,

my soul I will not burn.

LEVIATHAN

If life would make of me a monster,

Who am I to deny it?

After all, what is three decades to a billion years?

If life would make a cruel joke of my heart,

Then who am I to keep defending it,

This is what the world demands, then by god it shall have it.

[friendlypsychopathnextdoor]

Do you think the loss of empathy is the next evolutionary step? I was considering earlier how empathy and emotional connection served a great role for small pocket communities, as a method of group survival; then I considered what role that plays in a globalized world where everyone knows (or has the potential to know) everyone but has no incentive to empathize with them and I couldn’t find one.

No, I don’t think so.

Empathy seems to become more important the more complex and diverse a community is, as it becomes less obvious what dependancies exist logically, an emotional connection to separate of “same as me/us” and “different to me/us” might be required.

Of course, due to a more global network and algorithms that push for radicalisation, it is more likely for these groups to form an extremist view of how different others are.

While empathy helps people identify others’ emotions, communicate and find themselves in others, it also permits them to draw a strong line between what they understand and what is therefore seen as similar and valuable and what they do not care for, which is strange and easily vilified.

Depending on if this is an evolutionary advantage or disadvantage, empathy can be seen as either, but most likely these points cancel each other out. Empathy is just as much part of communities as it used to be, these communities are simply more spread out and less bound by proximity in terms of location.

People who lack empathy or have an abundance of it in some way have also existed for a long time already and while it might be rewarded in some circles to display less empathy, this does not mean it has declined in general.

[friendlypsychopathnextdoor]

(SHEMYAZA)

And shall it have its worst defender?

Am I to fear heaven’s or hellish glory?

My hand only crafts the fate I fall to,

Deep below and far above I shall defy.

If life would make of me a monster,

A billion years are nothing, yet.

LEVIATHAN

If life would make of me a monster,

Who am I to deny it?

After all, what is three decades to a billion years?

If life would make a cruel joke of my heart,

Then who am I to keep defending it,

This is what the world demands, then by god it shall have it.

[friendlypsychopathnextdoor]

Would you take your psychopathy away permanently if given the chance?

I like who I am. If taking away a part of me permanently would alter who I am, then why would I risk this, and if it would not alter me, then I see no point to it.

(-confession/lie 290)

[friendlypsychopathnextdoor]

How’s your job going? Are you still in the same career you were a few years back?

Thanks for asking. I appreciate the sentiment.

My job is going as well as is to be expected. I enjoy my work and while it hardly can be said that I am doing the exact same things that I did when this account was first created, I am not far from where I thought I would be now, back then.

(-confession/lie 289)

[friendlypsychopathnextdoor]

How would you feel if someone achieved something greater than you, such as being accepted into a better university or performing your job better? Would this bother you at all?

There will always be and always have been people better than me or others at some things. And while I pride myself in a rather unique combination of skills I am not delusional enough to ignore the fact that I can be bested or easily replaced in most parts of my life.

There is a lot more freedom in being second place than first. The anonymity of an other person’s shadow is a blessing I do not take for granted and will not waste because my ego drives me to compete for the acknowledgement and praise parts of me think I deserve.

I aim to be as good as I need to be and instead of investing all my time into one skill, to diversify and to always have an ace up my sleeve if need be.

(-confession/lie 288)

[friendlypsychopathnextdoor]

Thoughts on sex work? Would you class it as ‘real’ work or not? And general opinions on it?

Glad to see you’ve returned btw! I really like reading through your opinions on things.

Prostitution is a high-risk job. Making it safer, by regulating it in a legal setting benefits the community, as stds and crime against sex workers indirectly and directly affect the development of a community.

Ideally, it would be regulated by an institution that focuses on the preventing of sex trafficking, prevention of the prostitution of minors and prevention of stds as well as regulating the general well-being of people in such a profession.

While I might not be interested in such a service, if people are willing to pay for this service, then the service can be made a profession and is therefore “real work”.

Thanks. I appreciate the sentiment.

However, I have neither returned, nor have I left, I am merely bored as of this moment, which is a luckily increasingly rare occurrence.

[friendlypsychopathnextdoor]

In your opinion, what makes a good person?

There is no such thing as good or bad people.

[friendlypsychopathnextdoor]

Why do people like labels so much then?

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/friendlypsychopathnextdoor/726075318918627328

As stated, they are a short-cut to communication and finding a community. Labels can be useful if people understand them to have the same definition, both to identify someone you wish to label “wrong” or “other” or if you wish to identify with someone else.

[friendlypsychopathnextdoor]

Are there any drawbacks to being diagnosed with psychopathy?

Are there any advantages to such a diagnosis?

One must be a fool to wear a label like this proudly, and if worn only inwards and hidden what meaning must it carry? Do you wish to pay for the diagnosis and adjacend therapy yourself or declare yourself a “psychopath” to your insurance?

You can know who you are and learn to be yourself in a sustainable manner without labels.

A label is often a short-cut to communication and to finding a community, a label that is kept secret or is misunderstood is therefore nearly useless.

[friendlypsychopathnextdoor]

Do you think suicide is a selfish act?

Yes.

But I do not mind the selfishness. It is the waste on all sides, including the one comitting suicide, that I find distasteful. By committing such an act you do not only take away from resources of the community or others, but also opportunities for yourself.

It is very, very rare for situations to arise that determine there will be no improvement or joy in the future and for the person to still have the capacity to logically consider their options.

If you are in a position where you can consider your options, more likely than not you could always kill yourself later, but if you kill yourself now, who knows what could have been.

It is not just selfish, but quite idiotic.

[friendlypsychopathnextdoor]

Why do I bother putting myself in a cycle of abuse or feeling unwanted by my ex? Having bpd doesn't help, but I seem to crave drama or like playing his games which isn't healthy. I crave the upper hand

Learning to let go is never easy. Sometimes people prefer the familiar things that hurt them to the unknown or consider “no war over that they have not won”.

Also, it is quiet common to “crave drama” as a way to distract oneself and others from other problems. If there is always something more significant or pressing to deal with, one can push aside other emotional tasks and essentially “procrastinate emotional labour and growth”. It is difficult for most people to find contentment if they are used to stress and fear as they do not trust a seemingly calm or relaxed situation. They might therefore look for drama and thereby inevitably find or even cause it.

However, you should discuss these issues with the therapist you undoubtedly should have for your bpd anyhow, rather than with strangers online.

[friendlypsychopathnextdoor]

Hello, how important are qualifications? Could I be successful without them? I dropped out of education early because of some health issues but now I’m an adult with nothing.

Qualifications matter.

However, it matters a lot less when in your life you obtain qualifications than people make it seem.

In some areas you might get paid significantly more if you have a degree, even if said degree has little or nothing to do with your job.

There are evening and online schools, some of which are fairly cheap and in some countries education is free or even paid. Also, if your education would aid you in your current job your employer might be inclined to pay for it and to provide you with additional time off to attend classes.

Of course, it is not impossible to be successful by nearly all definitions without any formal qualifications, but if you consider yourself to be so intelligent that you will be able to achieve success without any qualifications, then obtaining said qualifications should be fairly easy for you.

You are an adult, so you do not have “nothing” but you have the freedom to choose your path. If you wish for it you have the advantage of choosing freely how, when and where you wish to obtain the education that might give you a path into a more “successful” future.

[friendlypsychopathnextdoor]

Do you believe in Satan

That is a relatively roundabout way to ask if I am a Christian.

[friendlypsychopathnextdoor]

Have you ever worried that something bad will happen to you or that you would receive karma if you hurt an animal?

There is no such thing as Karma.

But I am well-aware that my risk of being bitten by dog would increase tremendously if I were to spend my free time kicking dogs.

Also, I suspect the majority of people would react in distaste to such a behaviour which would therefore result in social repercussions.

We life in a world were actions have consequences without the need for luck or fate.