#sucide

[support]

Everything okay?

If you or someone you know is struggling, you are not alone. There are many support services that are here to help. For 24/7 peer support and other resources, message KokoBot on Tumblr.

If you are in the United States, please try:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255) The Trevor Project (LGBTQ youth, ages 13-24) National Eating Disorders Association (online chat, text) RAINN (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

If you are outside the United States, visit IASP to find resources for your country.

For more resources, please visit our Counseling & Prevention Resources page for a list of services that may be able to help.

[cookies-over-yonder]

home

Young adult Lincoln Li-Wilson gets a call in the middle of the night from a friend he hasn't talked to in years: Taylor Swift.

ao3

please heed the warnings in the tags. thank you! <3

Link stares at his phone.

His phone with an incoming call from a friend he hasn’t properly spoken to in at least three years.

Taylor Swift.

He swipes to answer, hand shaking.

They didn’t have a falling out, just… drifted.

But to be frank, Link misses him constantly.

“Taylor?”

“Link?”

“Yeah, it’s me… uh… what’s up?”

“Can—um—can you come over?”

What.

Link hasn’t even seen Taylor since graduation.

Why would Taylor want him to come over right now?

It couldn’t be for a hook-up either—Taylor knows he’s ace.

But then he hears unsteady breathing on the other end.

“Is everything okay?”

“Um—I—”

Link hears a sob. His stomach drops.

“No. I—I need help… I didn’t know who to call. Sorry—I’m sorry, I’m sorry—”

“It’s okay, Taylor, just breathe.”

He doesn’t follow that instruction, because Link hears more sobs and gasps.

“Okay. Listen to me, Taylor. Text me your address. I’ll be there soon.”

“Mmkay… my back door is unlocked.”

“That seems unsafe.”

“I know. Anyway I—I’m in the… the bathroom. You’ll see it when you walk in.”

“Okay, I’m coming, just keep breathing.”

“I’m trying.”

Link gets Taylor’s address and drives over right away.

The backdoor is unlocked, and Link locks it once he’s inside.

This place is big .

It’s a condo on the bottom floor of the building, and it looks expensive .

Link isn’t surprised.

He finds the bathroom easily, and knocks before turning the knob and opening the door.

“Holy shit,” he breathes out, laying eyes on Taylor, curled up sobbing next to a shit ton of pill bottles scattered across the floor. “Taylor, did you take something?” he asks, kneeling down in front of Taylor and brushing his much longer hair away from his face to get a look in his eyes.

He shakes his head quickly. “No, no, no, I didn’t, I called you instead,” he says between gasps. “I—I—I can’t breathe—”

“Taylor, Taylor, hey ,” Link cups his face with his hands and looks him in the eyes, “it’s gonna be alright, I promise. You’re sure you didn’t take anything?”

He nods, sobbing again.

“I’m gonna pick you up and take you to the couch, okay?”

He nods again.

Link scoops him up just as easily as he did way back when. In fact, Taylor seems slightly lighter than before.

He kicks some clothes out of the way and sets Taylor down on the couch, sitting across from him.

“Sorry I— fuck —I know we haven’t talked in years I just—I haven’t been as close with anyone since you,” Taylor says, wiping his tears and trying to steady his breathing.

Link grabs hold of Taylor’s hand, interlocking their fingers and squeezing. “Taylor, what happened?”

He can’t help but cry himself asking it.

“I—I just, I kept feeling like there was no point anymore. And—and I couldn’t shake it. I’m all alone, and I don’t know why I did this to myself. I miss Mom, I miss you, I miss everyone, and I—I just…” he pauses to catch his breath, and fails but barrels on, “I’m so fucked up in the head, Link. I keep having nightmares about sophomore year. I dropped out of college because I wouldn’t stop having panic attacks during class. I—I wanted it all to be over. I still do. I still do . That’s why I—I needed you.”

Link doesn’t know what to say.

Holding back a sob, he hugs Taylor as tight as he can, thankful he’s still here and alive .

“I miss my mommy ,” Taylor sobs into Link’s shoulder. “I miss her. I miss her. I miss her so much.”

“She still live at your old address?”

Taylor nods.

“Come on,” Link says, getting up.

“Where are we going?”

“My car. I’m taking you home.”

Taylor nods with a wobbly, “Thank you.”

[fruity-boy-bruno]

Here's a thought I had at dinner.

Let's say you're in an indestructible room and the only things in it are:

- an giant infinite hamster bottle

- a constant source of plain flavorless food

- a hole to piss and shit in

- a grenade that can't destroy the room but CAN kill you

How long do you last until you get so bored you kill yourself with the grenade, knowing it will be very fucking painful?

The point of this isn't that you try to escape, it's just a fucked up situation I thought of.

[wenn-die-seele-spricht]

Ich spiele verstecken mit mir selbst. Nur dass ich schon weiß wo ich mich verstecke. Mich aber nicht finden will

[liarslullaby]

How can people find joy in life? The amount of evil in the world is so unbearable. And even when you list the positives they never outweigh how frightening all the shitty things are.

I cant ever imagine being happy in this world. In this whole universe. I want to escape, i want to be somewhere else. I want to live in a disney movie or fantasy world.

But instead I live in this shitty world where I am slicing my flesh apart in the bathroom wishing I was dead and no one cares.

[annagxx]

Nobody ever talks about how selfless it is to choose, over and over again, to not commit suicide. Nobody ever acknowledges the tremendous sacrifice suicidal people make every time we choose not to kill ourselves. When a person who is suffering so horribly that death seems like their best option decides not to take their one way out, and to instead remain in hell, day after day, month after month, year after year, because they don't want to hurt the people they love, they are doing something extraordinary. Not killing yourself when it's all you want to do is the purest act of love I can imagine. Dying for someone is easy - you don't have to deal with any of the consequences, you have your moment of nobility and then it's all over. But living for someone, when the simple fact of consciousness is literal torture for you? Every single suicidal person who ever made a choice to not kill themselves in a moment of misery is a goddamn hero in my eyes. Wanting to die and still surviving is an act of titanic courage and self-sacrifice. We deserve more credit for it.

[maxdermonk88]

Realtalk…. Ich habe die Schnauze voll!

[robinnb]

[ithinktoodumb]

Would you miss my presence?

I wish to leave…

I wish to leave these walls we call home.

It doesn’t feel like home.

It hurts me; being judged, then being pampered and the being judged for wanting to be loved truly

I’m just a kid. What do you expect me to do?

I tried working at bettering my academics, it only got worse. It only gets worse.

I tried a sport, but you stopped me. My academics matter more you said.

I tried,and I tried, and I tried… and I did good sometimes. I was the best sometimes- but you only found faults. You questioned my ability. You said “oh the play must be easy”, the shock where you went “really? You did good?”

You tried being a nice parent, you tried following what the books told you- how to parent, what teens want. You read them all. But you forgot to read me.

You occasionally bust out claiming you’re proud of me, of who I am, of what I do or what I did. And those instances are where I’ve either put the dishes inside or organised the house. I don’t understand if that’s sarcasm you use or the lines from books you randomly remember to use.

And that hurts me more, because you never have appreciated something I truly loved doing. You tried supporting me, you tried, but you failed. You blamed me again. I’m the root of all cause, you said.

“Not everything’s meant to revolve around you”, you yelled. I could see the disappointment in you.

I tried explaining, but tears ran down my face. Caging my mouth, stopping me from expressing myself. Communication has always been an issue among us. Why? I didn’t know. But I need you to understand, I require things to revolve around me, i need you mum and dad.

I miss how things were before. When all our schedules matched, when our time together was more important than grades; when we understood each other.

We live under the same roof, and yet you know nothing about me. You still think I like art. You still get me the Vada form that one shop. You still think I’m popular in school.Ma, papa, that’s not me anymore.

I’ve grown. Time flew and you missed seeing me rise. The office work seemed more important and now you’re imposing it on me. But I don’t want school to be most important for me. It’s you. You’re my most important. Please don’t take you away from me.

I love you guys, little brother you too.

But I keep thinking…

Ways to end this pain, this change, this life.

I don’t want it. And even if I try I can’t keep it.

I’m sorry I didn’t reach your expectations. I’ll do better.

Don’t you wish little brother was your only child?

I ponder on that a lot… I see you guys happy, way happier than you are now.

This would have been my final goodbye, on an app none of you know of. It would have been lost in the archives… but I’ve decided to live.

I did survive the last six years, two more won’t hurt.

In those two years I’ll take you guys to travel all across the world. We’ll visit every place we can possibly think of.

And back to India would be our last adventure together. That’s when I bid goodbye.. somewhere cold, unaware of my environment, I’ll be washed away in the waters and be one with the sea.

You taught me swimming, but this time around I would choose to not do what I was taught and do what I’ve wanted to do for the past eight years.

I’ll drown, thinking about every moment in my life that has bought me joy. And I know that those moments would be you guys…

I love you all, truly

You’re my favourite humans and I didn’t do what I did (tried to end my existence)because of you. I just had to.

———————————————————

I got yelled at, and this went on in my mind. I need help. My suicidal episodes keep flashing before my eyes.

[zippers]

jfc in this audiobook this social worker wrote in her notes "i told him that next time [he attempts suicide] to call me first and if I'm away there to give me time to get back to him" (We Were Once a Family by Roxanna Asgarian)

[kat-katharsis]

Certain music can just aliviate my depression symptoms in a second. Like I was just having a really bad sucidal spiral and then I put on Belly Button from Veggietales and suddenly suicide isn't an option anymore cuz I gotta jam out to a song from a christian kids show.

[sistersorrow]

RWBY volume 9 episode 8

Damn, Ruby just like me fr fr

[bandarrrrr]

Ye Best Friend se ladai k baad koi baat krne k liye kyu nhi bachta hai Bhai

[wenn-die-seele-spricht]

Menschen die einmal richtig geliebt haben, können niemals wieder so viel für einen Menschen empfinden. Sie können sich nur ihre Wunden lecken lassen, denn heilen werden sie nie mehr.

[rizumudarling]

why would this be such a vibe

[nyxi0n]

No me vendría mal dejar de existir.

Quizás pronto, quizás mañana, quizás hoy, quizás esta noche a la luz de la luna, quizás para siempre.