friesnbtsluvr

[friesnbtsluvr]

realisation hits that i’ve always been the person whom nobody in the group waits back for; i always walk alone, with no one by my side, behind everyone; nobody cares or will care if i get left behind– they will most probably forget i was there in the first place; 18 years of existence and not one person would care to wait back for me in a crowded room when everyone was rushing; i have no one to console me when i cry or break down, no one who would say “it’s going to be alright” or “don’t worry”; i’ll always be the person who is there for everyone else but there will never be someone there for me :(

[friesnbtsluvr]

sometimes i feel regretful

though they say never have regret

it’s true

i do

remembering 2 years is hard

but i remember every single moment

it’s easy for me

i don’t have much to

remember

sometimes i feel sad about it

not about the people or the school or the place

but

about the weirdest comfort that came

with the routine of it

climbing stairs and thinking thoughts

until someone shows up and says hi

breaking my weird thoughts

for that moment and that moment only

i remember being happy

today, acceptance is far

about it being my last day

as a student in school

it pains me to not be one anymore

what else will i be?

i can’t think of anything

it is worse when

i start to cry

not because of my own attachment

but on thinking of others having to leave this place– their friends, their people, their family

maybe i cry because of empathy

but i think

mostly

i cry because i never had that

people to call home in school

and i’ll forever regret that

[friesnbtsluvr]

i was just thinking about how in a matter of a few months, all of us will go to separate places. different colleges, different cities, different states, different countries, different continents, different hemispheres, different time zones– everything will be different; we will also probably be different people. and it’s paining me to think how that one friend of mine who used to freak out with me over new music announcement or new photo shoots of our favourite actors would find a new person to do those things with. she would find another person to visit that new cafe with, to try that new place out with, to talk shit about people she hates with, to laugh with, to cry with, to scream with, to get angry with, to share her joys and sorrows with. and i’ll just be another fragment of her memory, a once upon a time– a friend who once was…

maybe we will meet again someday, in a different place as different people, and maybe it will be like old times again but it’s not is it. we will just be two strangers then, two strangers who once were

[friesnbtsluvr]

as someone who has barely had friends all her life, and has quite literally “been on her own”,

“make the friendship bracelets,

take the moment and taste it,

you’ve got no reason to be afraid”

from You’re on Your Own, Kid hits home differently

i remember going to Claire’s and buying a “BFF’s” bracelet as a 12 year old when i had no friends. at all.

for me, it’s taylor comforting me in the fact that yes, make that friendship bracelet, don’t be afraid of right now because tomorrow you will have someone to give it to. take this moment right now, and don’t be afraid of anything because “you’re on your own kid, you always have been” :)

[friesnbtsluvr]

“on the train we swapped seats, you wanted the window and i wanted to look at you”

-Mahmoud Darwish

[friesnbtsluvr]

you knew the words to

every song i sang

sang along every single time

but songs don’t last

and neither did you

[friesnbtsluvr]

you don’t remember me

you don’t remember me like i remember you.

and the saddest part? you will never be able to

[friesnbtsluvr]

it’s not how it’s supposed to be~

nothing seems happy

anymore

not the birds or the wind or the soft sound of the cuckoo

not the empty notebook

not the smell of old books or the feeling of being excited:

like the lighting up of a child’s eye, the gleam and the shine the eye holds,

that feeling of feeling you are at peace, all things aside

that feeling has been long lost and eternally will be

[friesnbtsluvr]

[friesnbtsluvr]

Dear Anne

Since we are parting ways, perhaps forever, I feel I must unburden my heart… you are the fond object of my affection and my desire. You, and you alone, are the keeper of the key to my heart.. please don’t be alarmed. I don’t expect your favour, but I can’t in good conscience not reveal myself. I am not engaged, nor will I be, unless… it’s to you. Anne, my Anne with an e, it always has been and will always be you.

With love, Gilbert

PS: Thanks for the pen

Good luck at Queens

[friesnbtsluvr]

STEVE HARRINGTON THE MAN YOU ARE <333

[friesnbtsluvr]

at 6:10

when the sun manages to take that leap

and embrace the arms of the sea

will i

then

run into the arms of your blazing

gaze and

burn with-

and in the same

[friesnbtsluvr]

it's always "i love you" and never "you know, ernest only has lovely things to say about you"

[friesnbtsluvr]

no YOU live in a society i live in this frame of pride and prejudice

[friesnbtsluvr]

what happened to us

what happened to what we were

before

everything changed

it’s like we’re strangers now

like we are meeting for the first time

ever

i never thought

that we would be this way

never in my wildest dreams

would i have

wanted to be this way

[friesnbtsluvr]

“I think you lost all interest in this world. You were disappointed and discouraged, and lost interest in everything. So you abandoned your physical body. You went to a world apart and you’re living a different kind of life there. In a world inside you.”

— Haruki Murakami, 1Q84

[friesnbtsluvr]

“i cannot remember the books i’ve read any more than the meals i have eaten; even so, they have made me”

— Ralph Waldo Emerson