fritoshrimp - Tumblr blog

[fritoshrimp]

Mine again

I wanted his love. It was such a selfish desire, I knew it, my friends knew it, hell even he knew it, and yet I couldn't bring myself to let him go. I needed his affection. If he'd let me, I'd replace his every thought of her, retrace every touch she'd ever made on his skin. Anything to make him mine again.

[fritoshrimp]

Tell me I'm not alone

[fritoshrimp]

Shy

I'm the shy girl that sits in the back of her class

the one no one notices, yup the one with the glasses

I hate introductions, because I tend to hyperfocus on your every reaction

And just thinking of presentations makes my anxiety skyrocket 

I want to be part of the laughter but I'm afraid if I'm boring you'll leave me right after and that would be disastrous 

So I prefer to be silent and smile a lot and sometimes I'm caught in between if I should smile or not

Social anxiety really is too much that's why if you need me you can find me in my thoughts 

[fritoshrimp]

Schizoaffective

Paranoia is sinking in again

Everything in me is leaking onto the surface

Your gaze is making me nervous

You can hear it can you?

My inner thoughts 

Fear is creeping in again

The voices are getting louder

They're in the walls

Across the halls

Reality doesn't feel so real anymore 

If you only knew what went through my mind would you believe me then?

You call me crazy

Perhaps I am

Perhaps I'm not

[fritoshrimp]

I want to dream

The places you'll take me

The people I'll meet

The lands we'll discover

In this new world,

Show me what beauty we can create 

[fritoshrimp]

Silent Anger

Temper Temper I have a million things to say but not a single soul to tell

Anger Anger The night is quiet but my mind is whispering louder and louder and it's finally piercing the silence

It's taking over me, this feeling,

Can you feel it?

Anxiety

Insanity

Or is it reality?

Rage Rage These building blocks are falling around me like an impenetrable wall, dragging me in and closing me in. 

The sunlight is just over the horizon,but inside me, dark clouds surround me

I'm losing control, no ray of hope, my emotions overriding everything like a defection 

Uncertainty Uncertainty There is much to say but your so far out of my reach, that these words remain locked inside me

If only, if only

You could stop to listen to my silent anger!

[fritoshrimp]

"I have a million things to say, but not a single soul to tell."

[fritoshrimp]

ELEZAR MENDOZA

Bloody Rose

Elezar couldn't ignore the beautiful women before him. She was like a delicate rose with thorns at her stem. She might be pleasing to the eye, perhaps even carrying a sweet fragrance, but if you touched her or held her in your hands, you'd feel the pain instantly and she'd paint your hands in blood just like the color of her petals.

Even so, she piqued his interest. Like a tiger observing its prey, he watched her as she waved goodbye to a woman and leaned against a pillar to sip her drink alone. He inwardly smiled. Perfect. He walked towards her with elegance and most importantly confidence. He grabbed a drink from a passing waiter and stepped into her line of sight.

Her bright blue eyes locked onto his as soon as she noticed him. They were calm but alert just like his eyes he thought. No, scratch that. His eyes were more dangerous. Could she feel it? Could she feel the dominance in him? The strength that wanted to overpower hers?

"I couldn't help but come to greet a new guest at my establishment. Would I be wrong to assume you're here to make connections? Information is power after all." 

She looked him over before answering him, " Am I that obvious?" Her lips twitched as she held on to his gaze not showing a single inclination of weakness. The way he liked it.

"Only to the one who built this place." He smiled coolly. "I'm Elezar Mendoza by the way, it's a pleasure to meet you, Ms.?"

"Emma Vinnera," she said and held out a hand.

~~~

[fritoshrimp]

Why do I instinctively write douchebags as male leads?

[fritoshrimp]

What if you pick a quote you can see your character saying and build dialogue based on that tone and emotion.

[fritoshrimp]

There's a ton brick on my back

My feet are shackled to the ground

There is laughter in my face as you tell me I'm not worth living

I crack a wicked smile 

Do you really think I've come this far to die like this?

Do you really think my endless nights of suffering have boiled down to this?

So when you look at me with triumph 

And tell me to disappear from this world 

I can't help but smile

Let me whisper in your ear the words you never expected

"fuck you bitch"

I'll tear these chains from the earth

Even if the pain is unbearable 

I stand to my knees despite the weight

Even as tears cascade down my face

All has gone hell

But damn it if I let you have the last laugh

The fact I'm still here

Means you've underestimate me once again

Even if it's just another day

I'll hold on to my precious life

[fritoshrimp]

The moment you looked at me with those eyes

I became that which I despise

My dignity caught by the need of acceptance

Your deviant smile lures me to a death sentence

I ignore the red flags with a kiss

I'll give you what you desire that what you can't resist

I sink into the furthest part of my mind

And let you love me the way they always do

Please tell me you need me, tell me I'm beautiful too

This is shameful believe me I know

But this is the love

The only one I know

[fritoshrimp]

Caged dove

The door was left opened

So I spread my wings wide open

I was ready for flight

Across the starry night

When I felt the sadness of the living

The hatred of the breathing

Taking over my psyche 

Suffocating me quietly

There was laughter

It said, what where you after?

It was not a blessing but a lesson 

For a beautiful caged dove

Coming down from up above

You weren't meant for the wild

He said with a smile

[fritoshrimp]

Monsters

The doors are closed

But I can feel them surface

From beneath the cracks

Like slithering serpents

Vipers ready to attack

I hear their laughter

And it's clawing at my heart

What are they after?

I feel exposed like a a snail without a shell

Nowhere to hide

Im still a child inside

My most intimate thoughts

For them to see

Entertainment for their eyes

As I toss and turn at night

Contemplating whether I should die

Indeed they are monsters in disguise.

[fritoshrimp]

An Apology To God

You know me best

You know why I am here

The need for attention is so clear

They won't listen

So I ask for your attention

The only one who will hear

My heart

In front of this audience

I come to you with an apology

I been arrogant these days

And I avoid you every day

Because I can't commit

You are so perfect

How can I ever be like them?

The ones who are devoted to you

I can't do a rosary

Or pray everyday

Depression has me hostage

But it was never your fault

Forgive me for blaming you

And being so distant

So angry and selfish

Forgive me for not being strong

Like the prophets

Please show mercy to me

Like that women in the fountain

When you looked in her eyes

Did you see me?

With gentle eyes

And a knowing smile

I ache for your embrace

Tell me it's okay

To be who I am

[fritoshrimp]

Snippet of short story

I never thought I'd be convicted of a crime.

Nor did I ever think I'd be descending the stairs of a dungeon.

The same stairwell thieves from fantasy books walked down.

An unpleasant odor of decay and urine draws me out of my mind. To stop the gagging, I hold my breath until my lungs decide to fail me –I've never felt so betrayed. 

The stench was intense. So much that I paused mid-step, only to have the guard behind me push me roughly.

"Keep up, we don't want to be down here longer than we need to." He growled like an angry Chihuahua from hell.

"Listen, it was a big misunderstanding. This isn't even my world!" I said through measured breathing. It was going to take a while to get used to the smell.

"Silence bandit, when the king speaks. His word becomes law. And the law states you to be thrown into the dungeon."

"Plea–"

"Silence!" I feel a unexpected pain in my back. The guard had struck me with the hilt of his sword.

"Next time I use the blade." The Chihuahua from hell threatened.

I decided it was best to keep my mouth shut for now.

As my feet meet the cobbled floor I feel a sense of dread. Maybe it was the realization that this was real. 

The room was dark with small lanterns lighting the walls. The narrow hall had cells lined down the path.

I heard creaking and shuffling.

It's like those horror games where you're led to an abandoned asylum with a switchblade you found on a dead carcass.

I felt vulnerable.

Then I noticed it. I was being watched. I saw two pairs of eyes fixed on me –Make that ten.

The prisoners cling to the bars and rattled them.

"This one won't last!" One cackled like a hyena.

"Four days."

"Two!"

More laughter until the guards finally decided to stop them.

"Enough! Or does anyone want to join Mytos tonight?" At that, they go silent. Some withdraw into their cells while others just keep staring.

I wondered who Mytos was. by the sound of it, he wasn't good company.

I began to feel distressed. What could I do to get out? This whole situation was unreal. Before I can feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, I uplift myself.

I could do this. I just had to hold out a little longer. I would find a way out of this place. I just needed to be patient.

We abruptly stopped in front of a cell.

The guard that was behind me walked toward the door and opened it with a silver key. Even the keys were cliche. He held a hundred keys in a single keyring holder. How could anyone distinguish them?

The guard proceeded to grab me, his fingers sank into my skin, and without sympathy he shoved me inside the cell. 

I stumbled and fell awkwardly on my knees. I let out a hiss at the sting from the impact.

"This is your cell until the hearing. The king will decide then if you live or die. See ya then." 

"Wait" I stopped him. "What about these?" I raised my bounded wrist.

The Chihuahua from hell, whom I can see now, stroked his dark beard. 

"I could take them off but it would be more amusing seeing you helpless. Maybe if you can make it past the first few days I'll take them off." He laughed and shut the gate.

How was I supposed to do anything with my hands tied? Anger rouse in my chest, burning my cheeks as he walked away with two other guards dressed in their ridiculous armor.

I bet no woman loves you!" This is what I wanted to say. Instead, I sat quietly and watched them disappear.

[fritoshrimp]

I'm close to the edge once more 

It pushes me further

Untill I'm losing my mind

And my thoughts become scattered

And my memories become fragments

Then it drags me under

And drowns me with fear

Untill my delusions become real

And I'm trapped in a sea of predatory thoughts 

In the corners of my mind