fxcelessdiary

[fxcelessdiary]

Dear Diary,

i'm almost done 11th grade. 71% in pe, and i have two exams left, one in math and the other in social. i'm excited for it to be over, finally.

June 16 2025 ; 11:48 pm

[fxcelessdiary]

ANGEL NUMBERS

A list of angel numbers I see, so I can keep track :)

1:11 - February 18th 2025

4:44 - February 18th 2025

11:11 - February 18th 2025

4:44 - February 19th 2025

11:11 - February 19th 2025

1:11 - February 20th 2025

3:33 - February 20th 2025

11:11 - February 21st 2025

2:22 - February 22nd 2025

111 - February 22nd 2025

333 - February 23rd 2025

777 - February 23rd 2025

222 - February 24th 2025

2:22 - February 24th 2024

11:11 - February 25th 2025

1.11 - February 25th 2025

11:11 - February 25th 2025

4:44 - February 28th 2025

5:55 - February 28th 2025

111 - March 5th 2025

111 - March 5th 2025

333 - March 5th 2025

1:11 - March 7th 2025

44 4 - March 7th 2025

666 - March 7th 2025

111 - March 7th 2025

5:55 - March 7th 2025

333 - March 9th 2025

5:55 - March 11th 2025

11:11 - March 11th 2025

[fxcelessdiary]

Dear Diary,

Sometimes I can't sleep. I lay in bed all night, tossing and turning. Sometimes my leg twitches so much my bed shakes.

I feel more refreshed on days I don't sleep. But more than one night like this, I become a zombie.

Hm.

February 18 2025 ; 6:01 am

[fxcelessdiary]

Dear Diary,

For the record, I'm an only child. My parents got divorced when I was seven. I don't have blood siblings.

My mom has a boyfriend, who has a son. He's my little brother, even if it's not official.

When I was in the seventh grade, I started babysitting two girls. Five years later, I consider them my little sisters.

For the record, I may be an only child, but I still have siblings anyway.

This was yesterday. I haven't seen my baby sisters in a few years, but I got to see them yesterday. I love them so much.

Today is my brother's birthday. He turned sixteen.

I may not be a real sister, but I still am a great one.

February 3rd 2025 ; 3:56 pm

( edited February 18tb 2025 --- replaced an image )

[fxcelessdiary]

Dear Diary,

I keep dreaming about angel. I miss her, to say the least. My mom thinks maybe we'll meet again one day and she'll forgive me, but... I don't know, I think I don't actually deserve her forgiveness.

Either way, I miss her.

February 1st 2025 ; 7:05 pm

[fxcelessdiary]

Dear Diary,

for a couple of years, i've had this story in my head and i want to make it into a game. wish me luck. ( i won't post any story or devlogs on this blog but i'll probably have updates on my insta )

January 19 2025 ; 5:51 pm

[fxcelessdiary]

Dear Diary,

I don't currently have internet so I’ll post this later.

Anyway, I went into town today and I saw one of my friends. I think we're friends, anyway. I hope we are.

I always get so anxious, because I feel like I’m weirding you out. I really don't want you to get creeped out by me. I promise I just wanna be friends so bad I'm being awkward.

Ugh. I need people skills.

January 15 2025 ; 9:22 pm

[fxcelessdiary]

A little update to this--

My mom was so tired that she forgot to say goodnight. I was so upset that she wasn't answering me when I called out for her that I scratched my arm. I'm healing, and my scar is fading.

My worst fear is being forgotten, which is why this upset me so much. I'm okay now.

January 6 2025; 11:09 am

Dear Diary,

i'm sorry for hurting myself again. you forgot about me and i couldn't stop myself from scratching my arm until it bled. you've never forgotten about me before.

December 30 2024; 1:40 am

[fxcelessdiary]

Dear Diary,

Okay, I'll tell you about my dreams.

This first one is old, but I remember it vividly. Trigger warning for suicide.

Now, I can't actually remember why this was happening, but I assume that my feelings were being ignored ( a big problem I have ). I remember being so mad at my family ( a common occurrence in my dreams ) that I was ready to end myself. Usually, my anger is directed at my mom, but in this dream it was at my Nana.

I remember walking up to her and whispering in her ear, "I hope you find my body." She was smiling, which was probably the worst part.

Then I went over to a fence, and I was preparing to hang myself. Then I woke up.

Again, this is an old dream, but I still feel the need to write about it. For the record, I don't have a problem with my family. I love them all dearly, okay ? I'm not sure what it's about.

The next one is another old one. Again, trigger warning for suicide. ( yikes )

Do you remember when I told you about that girl I loved, Angel ? This one is about her.

The only thing I can remember is that she told me to kill myself. Anyone else, I wouldn't listen. But her ? For her, I'd do it. Damn it.

Okay, this final one is the only one on this list that doesn't need a trigger warning.

It's about a boy I currently like. In my dream, I was ( I guess ) dating Angel. But this boy asked me out, and I couldn't break up with Angel, even though I wanted this boy. No matter what, I'll always choose her. How do I get over her ? It's been over three years.

Thanks for reading.

January 6 2025 ; 11:06 am

[fxcelessdiary]

Dear Diary,

I've got a lot to say.

First off, over the break ( I didn't take winter break ) I submitted an English assignment. It was planning for an essay. It was graded yesterday. I got 12/25.

Why did I do so bad, you may be wondering ? Easy. I hate planning things out. That's just not how my mind works. I write things down and edit from there. If I plan it out, I start to repeat myself over and over again. ( Also I just couldn't give a shit about the assignment itself )

I'm disappointed in myself, though. English was my best subject, but school has made me hate it. I understand everything, I just can't show it.

Second, I fell out of my chair today. Well, a more accurate thing to say would be that my chair and I fell onto the floor. I hit the bottom of my ribcage on my desk, hit my back on the floor, then my hip, shoulder, and head. For someone who never does anything, I manage to hurt myself a lot.

I have a couple of dreams I wanna talk about, but I'll make that into a separate post.

My cat, who is an outdoor cat, has been spending the days inside for the past couple years. We're planning on moving soon, and once we do, he'll be an indoor cat out of safety.

He tells us when he needs to go outside, so he's pretty trained. Lately, though, he's been getting into trouble. It's getting frustrating. I don't know what to do. I love him, but he's annoying.

Ugh.

January 6th 2025 ; 10:49am

[fxcelessdiary]

Dear Diary,

i'm sorry for hurting myself again. you forgot about me and i couldn't stop myself from scratching my arm until it bled. you've never forgotten about me before.

December 30 2024; 1:40 am

[fxcelessdiary]

Dear Diary,

I'm being honest when I say Christmas gets too much hype. Like, it's no different from any other holiday, but it's treated like the best thing ever. I don't understand it. You can give presents literally whenever.

I get that it's a religious thing, but Christians most of the time aren't aware that Christmas was originally created as a holiday to push back paganism. ( at least, according to what i've read )

I wish people put this much effort into other holidays too, is what I'm trying to say.

I might post later today. I'm really tired.

December 21 2024 ; 11:00 am

[fxcelessdiary]

Dear Diary,

I had a dream that I don't want to forget. So I'll write it down.

Two of my friends had decided I was annoying and went to eat lunch without me. I decided to go hang out with some random people. One girl was being kind of mean to me. I'll call her mean girl. Another girl was there. I'll call her angel.

Angel. God. She's beautiful. She's the most perfect girl I've ever seen. I don't know how to know if I'm in love with someone, but I know I'm in love with her. We used to be friends, but things happened and now we're not.

Anyway, mean girl was talking trash to me, so I decided to tell her she's pretty. I figured that would get her to stop. It did.

Something something something, the three of us started having lunch together. I think I was a boy in this dream. Boy me is very flirty, so I think I was flirting with mean girl. She very clearly liked me.

I didn't like her.

I think in this dream, angel and I were together ? I'm not sure.

I remember mean girl saying she was going to go to class and asking for a hug. Angel gave me a look that said she was jealous, but I gave mean girl a half-hearted side-hug. I remember distinctly that I put my hand on her shoulder, instead of her waist.

She looked upset that I hadn't put more effort into it.

I went to sit back beside angel, putting my arm around her waist like mean girl wanted me to do. I kissed angel's cheek and didn't look up when mean girl glared at us.

I remember thinking, 'this is my girlfriend, back off.'

I miss her.

December 5 2024 ; 10:08 am

[fxcelessdiary]

Dear Diary,

I'll tell you my fantasy. Going to a ComicCon with someone. He's dressed as alternate universe Ekko, and I'm dressed as alternate universe Powder ( iykyk ). Outside, we're playing

this song. We're both singing, smiling at each other and dancing.

There's a sign that says 'if you wanna talk to us, talk to Ekko—Powder doesn't know how to communicate with humans'. I have social anxiety.

It's a dumb fantasy, but I like it.

December 4 2024 ; 9:27 pm

[fxcelessdiary]

Dear Diary,

I saw you again today. You smiled, and holy— you have such a pretty smile. I felt myself grin when I saw it. Is that weird ?

I drew some people today. On the way home from town, I sketched something. It was dark and I couldn't see what I was drawing.

This is what I drew. When I got home, I fixed it up a bit, and it turned into you. You and your smile. God damn it.

December 3rd, 2024 ; 7:11 pm

[fxcelessdiary]

Dear Diary,

I saw a few people I used to know today.

I saw you looking back at me. Did you want to talk, or did you not recognize me at first ?

I saw you switch tills when we came. Did you do that to avoid me ? Are you mad at me ?

You didn't smile at me. I know we didn't end out friendship on good terms, but I figured after three years, maybe you'd get over it. I'm not sorry.

November 26 2024 ; 7:30 pm

[fxcelessdiary]

Dear Diary,

I haven't posted in a while. I haven't been feeling emotions strong enough to write about in a while.

I did finish watching Arcane, though. Again, I won't spoil it. I'm dying my hair blue later today.

I've been writing letters to my future self, too. I have them in a box, a gift for my 18th birthday. I'm excited to read what past me will say. ( do this !!! it's a lot of fun )

I've also been drawing a lot. If you're following my Instagram, you know I'm hyper fixated on my characters. It's fun, creating their fantasy world. Maybe I'll post some of the story I've got written for them.

Ah, that's all for now. I'm going to study for my math midterm tomorrow. Wish me luck.

November 26 2024 ; 11:06 am