geekwarrior107

[geekwarrior107]

you wished for a blessing (I am the curse)

Depression and some passive suicide thoughts. No comfort only hurt and angst

Uncertainty. Instability. The things that were excessively given to him in the Buckley household that made him he’s so fucked up in the head, that made him always so anxious, that succeded in their mission to accomplish that he never could feel happy if status quo even a little bit changed.

The reason why he always tries hard to fix things.

He found some stability in 118. In Bobby. But it’s always so easy to lose it. And he knows, he knows most of the time it’s not his fault. But it always feels like his life is slipping from him, his happiness and sanity. Like stable ground is leaving him and he is left to float all around till he can catch himself once again, put himself back up on his legs and move on.

He’s tired of that fuck up situation in his messy trash he calls brain. Dr. Coupland promises they can find a way to cope with it eventually. He is not so sure. 

That is just who he is. He soaked up all the poison and toxicity of the world like a broken filter and now tends to believe he’s just a cleaning tool for some people around.

But he’s not. He’s not the reason they are poisoned, but he doesn’t help either.

He’s just fucked up all over. 

But even his self-awareness (Dr. Copland calls it self-hate. Buck does not agree) has its limits where it meets some microscopic self-respect. And Tommy finally kicked him to that fucking line. Almost dying without kissing his daughter one more time pushed him out of it.

Checking that Diana is not going to wake up soon, Buck puts her in her crib, kissing her forehead, hoping to strip himself of all the toxicity with this clean smell of newborn and her newborn detergent, that he and Tommy stacked their houses full of.

Time to go home. It was too stupid to come at 3 am to another part of the city after check up in the hospital, but he needed his daughter. He knew it’s her middle of the night snack time anyway.

He gets out of her room, hoping Tommy will just let him go without talking, just how he had ran with his tail between his legs on his shift two day ago, leaving Buck in this house broken-hearted, freshly fucked and naked, with no way to run because Di was feeling moody and Buck’s neighbourds were having a party.

The whisper comes behind his back when he’s already squeezing the door knob. 

“Are you ok?”

Oh, he’s far from it. Maybe never was.

And he knows he should shut up and go to sleep. He should not let his temper and pain speak. But a big part of him is even more tired of his and Tommy game of cat and mouse. 

Fuck it. Fuck Tommy. Fuck his life.

“Noooooooo,” he elongates the vowel dramatically, smirking like the best parody on Joker. Hit Ledger would be proud. 

He chuckles, turning to Tommy, but seeing just a strange blurry figure in darkness. Then he screams in a whisper because he still remembers Di’s sleeping, “I'm tired of you! I'm tired of your mixed signals!”

He puts the hands in his curls brushing them quickly like a complete lunatic, shaking like a chihuahua.

He starts passing trying to make the mess in his boiling kettle of a head working. His hands fly without him knowing that they are trying to gesticulate.

“O-one moment you don't want me at all! The next you fuck me and ask about another chance. But it turns out you never worked over why you broke my heart at the start,” he shakes his head, hiccuping and cleaning his face from some tears that are running down.

“You d-son't want me again but somehow wish for OUR baby,” he turns to Tommy finally, needing to see answers on his stupid asshole beautiful face. Tommy looks between disappointed, angry and heart-broken. 

Buck wishes he was an abuser because adding some blood on it might have felt good. But he knows it never will be for a real him. It’d just kill him.

He hides his face between his palms, trying to breathe.

“You s-say we should be just co-parents, but then you kiss me and l-lead to your bedroom!” he screams again. Because he’s tired of being just a good body for people.

Wham, bam, thank you Buck! Never more than a sexy body.

“ I'm tired of being the t-toy you take from the shelf, promising I'm your favorite and you would never get me back to that f-fucking shelf! Only to throw me better than any pitcher back to it. I'm tired of you, Kinard.”

His back hits the door. His face was too wet. He knows his painkillers should be done already, but he’s so numb. Even his voice is emotionless like never.

“I'm resenting you. Get over your big h-head and think what the fuck you want,” he looks at Tommy - he supposes in his eyes but fuck if he knows. “But before this don't touch me. Sal, Maddie, Eddie, anyone can pass me Di tomorrow. But I don't want to see you till you're so fucked up and break me, so I can't even be normal dad!” he opens the door, glaring behind his back one more time.  “Get the fuck out of my l-life till you know what you want, Thomas!”

The night is dark and fresh. His head is fucked up and hurting. He takes another the fucked up decision of the night to walk to his house for five miles.

Who knows he might be lucky to die this time.

That is the thing, Tommy wished for a blessing baby with a curse of a man.

[geekwarrior107]

the little things you do

rated: G word count: 5k

[read on Ao3]

___

He opens it, and that's when the real surprise happens — the first thing he sees is a little note sitting on top of the lunch box. It's folded in half, and he opens it — and feels his cheeks burn, a laugh escaping him as he reads:

If you were a pasta, you’d be my favorite—because you’re just pasta-tively amazing. Have a nice shift xx Evan

"What's so funny?" Someone asks, but Tommy can't take his eyes off of Evan's terrible handwriting. He wants to read it over and over again.

"Nothing." Tommy shakes his head, feels like his whole face is red. "Just my boyfriend being adorable," he can't resist sharing, and feels curious stares.

[read on Ao3]

[geekwarrior107]

Synchronized swish

[geekwarrior107]

John Oliver gets it, as usual. AI Slop is one of the best episodes of Last Week Tonight I've seen so far. Gen AI is theft. Those who use it are not authors or artists, they're grifters profiting from real creatives.

[geekwarrior107]

Expedition Everest, Lake Buena Vista, Florida, USA

[geekwarrior107]

[geekwarrior107]

david corenswet quoting fezzik from the princess bride, i'm sorry but he's bewitched and enchanted me

[geekwarrior107]

Damage: 0 Confusion: 100

[geekwarrior107]

Superman losing his composure only when people shrug off the lives of others. Doesn’t matter how well he knows them. Doesn’t matter if they’re even human.

He gets upset at the Justice Gang for brutally killing a rampaging Kaiju and not even attempting to find a way to move it or at least euthanize it more humanely.

The only time he raises his voice during Lois’ interview is when she digs into his interference in geopolitics, because people would have died if he hadn’t acted. The only time he yells at Luthor is when Luthor abducts Krypto. The only time he cries is when Luthor murders someone he barely even knew.

He saves a fucking squirrel for god’s sake. We’re so back.

[geekwarrior107]

Parents are for telling their children who they're supposed to be. We're here to give you tools, to help you make fools of yourselves, all on your own. Your choices, Clark. Your actions. That's what makes you who you are. Tell you something, son. I couldn't be… more proud of you.

[geekwarrior107]

Do you think Clark Kent had to be formula fed.

And do you think, for a moment, Martha Kent realized she was in over her head.

An alien baby, a canister of formula from the closest shop that she’s not even sure he can eat.

She’s just holding him in front of her with the bottle in one hand and his neck propped up in the other. He’s screaming his head off and she knows he’s hungry but she can’t bring herself to give it to him. She doesn’t know what he is, what will kill him. She may have met this baby maybe a couple hours ago but she’s already decided to protect him with her life.

Jonathan’s out in the shed trying to find any of the old baby clothes and pacifiers they were gifted while they were trying at least half a decade ago; Martha’s pretty sure she threw them all away the second the doctor broke the news.

She realizes that if they do actually do this it’s not going to be easy, and it’s actually going to be quite terrifying. They will always be waiting for that phone call, that knock on the door. From this point forward strangers and outsiders who come sniffin’ for one reason or another will terrify them.

She wonders if they’ll tell him how they actually came to be his parents, or let him live in blissful ignorance.

She counts down to three in her head. And gives him the bottle.

He drinks it happily; perfectly fine.

She can’t remember when she started holding her breath.

A loose curl of his blacker than black hair falls onto his forehead and covers his bluer than blue eyes. She brushes it away and he grabs her fingers with a grip stronger than she thought it’d be. It makes her bark out a laugh.

Something with those pudgy cheeks and that gummy smile can’t be all that terrifying.

[geekwarrior107]

Like fighting a mirror

[geekwarrior107]

the way Martha and Johnathan Kent in Superman 2025 are just two ordinary farmers from the midwest

they're older, they struggle with their phones, their home is run down and their farm humble, they're not Hollywood looking, they have accents and kind smiles

the way Clark calls them Ma and Pa

these two found Clark as a baby in a field, they looked past their fear and saw a baby that needed love and they gave him that love, they did everything they could for Clark

they gave him love

and the Clark we see? he's a reflection of them, of hope and love and what it means to be human

they dont have a lot of screen time but they left an impact that you feel through the film

they're not Kal-El's parents, but they are Clark Kent's parents

[geekwarrior107]

I've rarely seen a more validating sentence in my entire life.

[geekwarrior107]

[geekwarrior107]

James Gunn’s thesis statement for his Superman is simple and effective: "Be good. Do good. Be human despite the bad things. That is the most punk rock thing in a world so stoic and cynical."

And that’s how it should be. That’s beautiful, the new Superman movie is beautiful.

[geekwarrior107]

@geekwarrior107

Someone thought you'd like a fun, ship-themed treat and ordered Morning After Mini Pancakes & HenRen’s Love potion for you!

Enjoy a summer treat!