glassandink

[glassandink]

So far my outlining process for this new novel has been:

Open notebook to page I’ve headed with the word ‘characters’

Stare at page intently for half an hour

Close notebook, feel bleak despair

Rinse and repeat

[glassandink]

Trying to convince my husband to take a day trip to PA with me so I can drive along part of the route my spontaneous new novel project takes place on. Just normal writer things.

[glassandink]

Wild that most of this song could be about the world right now.

[glassandink]

I’m that insufferable fuck who will bring up the Philip Larkin poem the unrelated thing you just said reminds me of like, once a week at minimum and I am actually kind of sorry for that one

[glassandink]

Someone asked my opinion on this guy and I couldn’t remember it so I looked up the audio for the drive, and google was like “hey buddy you feeling okay? You sure?”

But then I listened to it and remembered how good DFW is at writing about this shit and no okay that’s fair, YouTube. I see you. Agh.

[glassandink]

I’m thinking abt a modern retelling sort of thing loosely based on As I Lay Dying is that a thing you guys think is cool or is this one of the things that only I care about in all actuality

[glassandink]

Irvin Yalom’s fiction just isn’t doing it for me. I’m reading The Schopenhauer Cure and I’m not too far in so maybe I’ll change my mind but the dialogue is catching on my ear pretty badly so far and I’m also thinking of how unethical it would be for a therapist to track down an old patient to satisfy their curiosity???

[glassandink]

LET’S GO EVERYTHING IS CUT AND PLACED

[glassandink]

Also don’t worry friend Hastur got a few last good bites in and my knuckles are scuzzed up from rubbing them against the deck of my grinder for 3 hours so I think the blood sacrifice is complete on this fella

[glassandink]

My last attempt was the day before my period. I used to have severe OCD but it’s more or less controlled now except the week~ish before my period. Fussing around with medication now because I really don’t want to take progesterone for partially dysphoria and partially family-history-of-clots reasons. Shit is real! Real and frightening and please realize you’re not alone and make your doctor listen to you and help!

Pre-menstrual depression is always depicted as like "He He! I had a box of icecream bars and cried while watching the Titanic!" But in reality, it's more like, "I'm standing the edge of an abyss. There is nothing good inside of me, I'm filled with rage and desperation."

It's crazy that being told how to deal with that is never a part of anyone's menstrual sex education.

[glassandink]

I cut the LAST PIECE ON HASTUR this morning before bed and my fucking CAMERA ON MY PHONE BROKE so I can’t take a pic unless I wake up my husband who went to bed like 3 hours ago

[glassandink]

LISTEN UP MOTHER FUCKERS

SEE THIS WEBSITE? 

ITS CALLED WOLFRAM ALPHA

THIS IS THE BEST GODDAMN WEBSITE FOR ACADEMIC SHIT. FUCK GOOGLE. 

THIS MOTHERFUCKER WILL LET YOU SEARCH “HOSPITAL BEDS IN CHAD VS. IRAN” 

AND IT GIVES YOU A STRAIGHT GODDAMN ANSWER 

MAYBE YOU’RE NOT INTERESTED IN DOCTORNESS OF THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES COOL SHIT 

HAVING TROUBLE WITH MATH?

HOLY SHIT

OR MAYBE YOU WANNA DICK AROUND

WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT

[glassandink]

Happy summer, it’s 85 degrees in the house and my meds make it so I can’t regulate body temp well so I’m violently sweaty and as I work on stained glass the little shards flying off are sticking to the sweat and making me itchy as all fuck. It’s great!

[glassandink]

Sometimes my body forces me to realize humans aren’t meant to live in the dark like bats by making me incredibly mentally unwell because I have not gone outside or seen the daylight in a little over a week.

[glassandink]

I’m gonna go for a run tonight and I’m going to feel less like clawing out of my own skin, manifesting it

[glassandink]

Alright friendly people who use scrivener should I, a walking ADHD distraction, switch from google docs? I’m not loving docs and Word and I broke up a long time ago.

[glassandink]

Earlier my husband asked me if I was going into a depressive episode and I told him that I wasn’t, surely, and then I took a step back and looked at my life and oh yeah, there she is.