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Look back on this in the future and let me know how you improved my life. We don't need to depend on anyone. You don't require a lot to make yourself happy so stop allowing people to ruin your soul.

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Remember when you felt hot af and ontop of the world? Remember when you could get any human you wanted?

Now you're boxed in a prison by a narcissist that you're in love with and won't take care of yourself anymore bc you allowed a prison to be built for yourself.

Why did you let this happen to us?

Did you learn nothing from Myles? Did you forget he did the same to us? You're letting Jake to do this now?

For what? To avoid stupid ass empty ultimatum?

Grow a pair of nuts. Whose life is this?

How much did you fucking sacrifice for others to only fucking disappoint you and fucking ruin you? What God damn decisions do you make for yourself? Nothing.

You dont even spend money without asking and that fucking ass doesn't even want you.

You're a fool to allow this to continue.

We both know you strive watching the world burn. Take a god damn trip with your $ and don't tell a soul. I fucking dare you.

I dare you to be you again.

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You have 6 months to go on a self vacation.

Fail that request and I will destroy to the point that you have to take the self vacation if you don't complete it in 6 months.

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I'm feeling like I hate myself today.

I'm no longer the same semi confident person I was at 19 years old.

I'm broken. Worn out. Tired at the young age of twenty fucking six.

I'm not desirable. I hate being on edge all the time.

I need a vacation from life to put things back to perspective. Where did my self control of my life go?

Why did I allow someone else to be the manager of my life.

Why the FUCK did you let him ruin you without giving him a taste of his own God damn medicine? Explain it to me in the future.

You, me, and I, make the worst fucking life decisions.

Enjoy your prison. And don't even bother thinking about that self vacation.

We all know he won't ever let that happen due to his shitty ass behavior.

You better work on getting your damn license and start doing self care shit without permission. This isn't how you're supposed to live life. Where tf did your self confidence go? You better find it before the very suggestive dark voices take over.

I just want us to prioritize ourself.. so fucking do it cuz im dying here

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Look back and update this photo of yourself a few years from now..

I hope you'll be content.

Don't beat us up anymore.. you need to treat us better.

I hope you are content and can breathe. I hope you can find happiness in the small things again.

Tell me how things have been and what you've accomplished to help you and yourself feel your best.

Please take care of yourself and paint your world as you'd like in any manner that you choose.

Stop giving a fuck about perfection.

I hope you love like the world will never end and hate as if you will punish those who wronged you in the afterlife.

Be the Kanye of your world.

I love you and treat us well in the future.

You and the future me are the first and foremost priority of this life.

Take care of yourself before others.

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I've been searching for love for so long that I've forgotten to learn to love myself.

What kind of bullshit is that?

FUCK anyone who calls me old at the age of 26.

I'm nowhere close to death. I have more than enough time to accomplish anything I wish.

Why the fuck do I have to worry and prepare to allow others to determine my worth?

Am I that fucking broken now?

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The hardest decision in life is deciding whether to destroy, create, or both.

Why am I so scared to make a decision when nothing matters?

I've learned so much by now to be able to decide.

Part of me wants to drag a knife through the emotions of others and pull them down. Deep down into the sea and disfigure ones emotions into a pulp. A painful pulp which no one would decide to repair. What a beautiful sight that would be... making others feel as I feel and understand.

Maybe I could help myself in that route?

The other part of me wants to heal and fix myself. I sometimes dream of flying to the sun like that old Greek mythology.

Instead of my wings melting off at a certain point in the heavens, I'd soar and feel one with the universe.

I want to feel invincible. I want to feel that nothing in my entire existence can stop me from wanting and choosing to do as a please.

Yet why am I so fucking depressed and can't do either one. Or both..

I'm stuck in quicksand.

Slowly sinking and hoping the world will swallow me whole.

I am the painter. Yet I want the world to paint me.

It isn't right. I must decide and take action soon.

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Life feels like a confusing, devastating standstill during a quarter life crisis.

I feel like I can only depend on myself yet it seems so hard to even support and think about what I'd like to do in life.

It would be so much easier to kill myself..

Yet when I think deeply about life, I am the painter and my future is my canvas. I can paint whatever I'd like my future to be. But picking the subject is the hardest part.

Sometimes I just want to bash the canvas into pieces with an axe and lighter fluid.

That would be just as beautiful compared to anything I could imagine to paint..

Why can't I decide?

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I miss certain moments of how I felt in my life.

The sad part is I didn't know I was horribly depressed at the moment.

I thought I was happy.

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It's been a while since I've made a journal entry. I think I'm gona start my own business soon. Fuck college and climbing a shit covered corporate ladder.

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By tomorrow, I'll be on the track of making my life beautiful and spread abundance to others in every and any aspect in life. I am the universe and the universe is me. We are united while I experience everything this physical body. I can manifest anything I choose to. I want to feel free with more experiences of contentment and better sense of self confidence wherever I go. I will vibe with earth more to inspire others to feel as one with me. I will be in tune to everything and understand the flow of balance more to be more creative with my energy. The ups and downs is beauty.

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By the end of this year, I'll make 30 million dollars without fucking anyone over.

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When can I just breathe again?

Each breath I take feels like I have the weight of all my troubles sitting on my chest..

Wish it wasn't so hard to actually fix problems as an adult..

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I just want you to that me like you actually fucking love me.

Is that so much to fucking ask for?

What the hell did I ever fucking do to you for you to treat me like shit.

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I hate you. I literally wish you would die in a ditch.

You think I'd save you?

Really? Bc of how important you are in this world?

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Note to Self-

When you're in your deep depression, don't stop yourself from having intrusive thoughts about how you'd like to see the red waters. I know how tempting it is to untether yourself from your physical form but you have a lot to experience on this Earth.

I know you struggle with yourself. Remind yourself that your emotions are waves. They're ever changing and roll through your body. It's temporary.

Don't forget the world is your playground. Don't be afraid. Paint and create the world YOU want to live in. No matter how ridiculous your goals are or how unachievable they may seem, just have fun with the process and give it a chance.

It doesn't matter if it's materialistic or based off achieving constant waves of a certain emotion. You get to create the environment you want to live in.

You're always going to feel pain. It's ok to feel that. Don't get rid of it. Just express yourself in life and aim for having positive experiences and emotions. It's better to work towards a happier lifestyle rather than getting caught up in past shit that you can't even change now since the moment has passed.

Love yourself for me and you better treat me well after reading this reminder

Krisy

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I'm so tired of being awake all the time.

When is it time for me to stay in my dreams for eternity?