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guiltyreverie · 9 months ago

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THANKS GORGEOUS AND I PROMISE ILL STAY HERE THIS TIME LMAO

Remedy

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3

Pairing: Satoru Gojo x reader

content tags: slow burn, enemies to lovers, gojo being an ass (what’s new lmao), arranged marriage, clan issues

Warnings: NSFW mdni, toxic relationship, heartbreak, self doubt and insecurities, rough oral sex, m!receiving, f!receiving, praise kink, light punishment kink, rough blowjob, no actual sex yet, this is my first time writing smut so bear with me ok 😔, not proofread tbh, buckle up this is one heck of a ride :))

A/n: I’m not sure how many parts this will have as of now (kind of going with the flow)

Summary: When Gojo confessed his feelings for you, you couldn’t have been any happier - you were a fool

Word count: 8.3k

“Shut up, Satoru. Or we’ll get caught.”, you giggle into his neck.

“What are you gonna do, hmm?”, he grins and his hands wrap tightly around your waist pulling you closer towards him, the giddy feeling in your stomach only increasing with every minute you guys spend together.

The both of you have rarely spent time apart, ever since your engagement party three months ago, almost every day, you’d hang out and go on several dates. It’s almost too good to be true but here you were all shits and giggles and embracing whatever comes next as long as he’s here, with you.

Right now you were in an unoccupied class room, skipping a class, prefering to hang out with each other more.

You roll your eyes at his mischievous smile and kiss him: “I can do that?”, you plant several kisses down his jawline up to his neck, his grasp tightening around you and you were sure you almost heard him whimper when you reached a spot right above his collarbone.

He chuckled nervously: “Now, come on, sweetheart”, he clears his throat and takes a step back, his face flushed and a certain uncertainty sparked in his eyes.

You take that as a cue that you were breaching a boundary and awkwardly step back as well; the slight sting in your chest was almost like a slap to the face, an insecurity you thought had vanished is gnawing at the back of your head but you respected him and his wishes - if he wanted you to stop, you would.

“Hey,”, he stares at you contemplating, something for a second - did he see the doubt building inside of you? If yes, he chose to ignore it, because soon after he grabs your hand and nudges you to follow him outside, his reasoning being ‘we wouldn’t want to miss all of our classes today.’.

You shrug the gnawing feeling off of you, not wanting to be so insecure in your relationship so early on and cause unnecessary drama, you just need to get yourself sorted out. You let him drag you outside to your next class, in the meantime you try to dissolve the mess inside your head - maybe if you ignored it, it would disappear.

When Satoru turns towards you, you quickly smile at him and he winks at you; he lets go of your hand and instead wraps his arm around your neck.

“There’s this nice restaurant in Shibuya, if you want to we can go check it out after school. Maybe a little shopping beforehand?”, he kisses the side of your head, “How does that sound?”.

“Your treat?”, you grin at the mention of a date and were already gushing about what to wear in your head - you had to call Haname for help later.

“Of course, my treat. Anything for my girl.”, he smiles at you, your cheeks flush and you slightly hit him as some sort of compensation; you were so flustered at being called ‘my girl’ you fail to notice the slight guilt glimmering in his eyes.

Right now, you were so content with everything, you almost start to skip in your steps (girl is head over heels istg 😭).

If somebody had asked you, when did you fall for Satoru, you didn’t have the answer, it had just been building up over the years - heck maybe you always had cared for him you just didn’t notice? Maybe it was hidden behind the teasing you had grown to adore him. But even that seemed unimportant in the face of the warm spring breeze, it made you think, no matter what, the flowers would always end up blooming, despite whatever they are going to face.

When the classes are over Satoru drops you off at your dorm and you immediately go take a shower and call Haname over.

“This dress?”, you show her a black shoulder free dress that went up to your knees with a small slit reaching the mid of your thighs, “or this dress”, now you held up a baby blue colored dress with slightly loose sleeves at your hands with a heart shaped neckline that reached mid thighs - the black one is elegant, the blue one more cute.

She contemplates both options: “You’re also going around the mall, right?”

You nod.

“Baby blue.”

The anxiety in your chest gnaws at you: “What if it’s really fancy and I end up being underdressed?”

She gives you a quick glance - probably questioning where you left your head - before shaking her head: “You can still style it with your jewelry because if you guys are gonna walk around first the baby blue one is the better fit. I can imagine it gets very uncomfortable in the black one really fast.”

You sigh in frustration and bite your lip: “I’m overthinking this, aren’t I?”, you sat down next to her, you were being completely irrational but you just wanted everything to be absolutely perfect.

She gives you a small sheepish smile: “Just a teensy tiny bit.”, she gestures with her hand to show you exactly how tiny and you chuckle with a slightly nervous undertone.

“I just- I don’t want to make a mistake, make it go back to the point we didn’t talk for months.”, you look down playing with your fingers, you felt like you had just cracked open the window in the cold winter night; exposing your ugliest and deepest thoughts you had so desperately tried to ignore.

She quickly wraps her arms around you in comfort: “Do you really think Satoru is so shallow to break up with you over a dress?”, she holds you at arms length now and stares at you, analyzing you, “there’s more to it, isn’t there?”

You nod slightly - god voicing it out loud makes you realize just how ridiculous you probably sound right now - you let out a shaky breath: “What if I’m not good enough? I’m not her and no matter how hard I’ll try, I will never be her.”

“Did he tell you that? Because I swear to-“, she immediately gets up, preparing herself to beat up Satoru but you quickly grasp her hand and stop her from doing anything reckless.

“No, he didn’t, he never would.”, you shake your head violently, “I just feel like I have to compensate because he gave her up for me.”

She scoffs: “Dear, I love you, but you are being very dumb right now.”, her hand runs through her hair in frustration, “he didn’t give her up for you, he chose you. There is a difference.”

“I know, I’m being ridiculous but I can’t help but feel that way.”, the stone in your chest keeps getting bigger and you start to wonder when you’ll finally burst.

“Did you talk to him, tell him about this insecurity?”

You shake your head and you swear she’s about to hit you for your idiocy but decides against it, instead she firmly grabs your arms and shakes you.

“Talk. To. Him.”

“Gods, no.”, your eyes widened as if she was the one being ridiculous now.

She deadpans: “You’re hopeless.”

“Thanks.”, you reply sarcastically.

“Why won’t you tell him?”, she asks in such confusion - he’s your boyfriend, you should be able to tell him how you feel.

“It’ll pass, he doesn’t need a confirmation seeking, untrusting girlfriend.”

She sighs, like she gave up: “You should really work on your self-esteem.”

“Can we drop it now? It’s just passing thoughts, by tomorrow they are gone.”, you clear your throat unsure if you could even believe yourself right now.

“Are they really gonna pass or will they be buried so deep, you won’t ever acknowledge them again.”

You wink at her and then stand up to grab your curling iron. Your hair doesn’t get done by itself.

She gives you a look of disapproval but takes the curling iron out of your hand.

“I’ll do your hair, you can focus on your makeup.”

You smile at her and get yourself ready.

Once you’re finished you give yourself a nod of approval.

“You look hot and cute- if he doesn’t eat you out today i don’t know.”, she grins.

You bite the inside of your cheeks - will he? Or will he stop like all the other times you initiated something?

You shake your head in a weak attempt to get rid of your intrusive thoughts, he isn’t ready to go all the way with you, you shouldn’t push him.

“You’re right.”, you grin, maybe if you pretend to be fine, you’ll actually be fine in the end.

When you’re done you message Satoru, that you’re ready to go out and a few minutes later he’s already knocking at your door.

You glance at Haname, she gives you a thumbs up and you finally manage to open the door, your heart thumping so loudly, you can barely hear your own breath.

Upon the sight of you Satoru halts mid-greeting: “You look absolutely stunning.”, he kisses your cheek and hands you a bouquet of black dahlias.

“Thanks”, the tension in your shoulders slowly dissipates, “you look very handsome yourself.”, you grin at him and smell the flowers: “They look so pretty and smell so nice.”

“Just thought they looked pretty, like you.”, he grins smugly.

Your face flushes and you cough a little out of embarassment; you gesture for him to enter while you quickly put them in a vase.

He smiles at you and waves at Haname upon seeing her before he grasps your hand and drags you out of the door and yells: “I’m kidnapping this one.”

You shake your head at his antics and laugh: “You never change, do you?”

“Never.”, he smiles but the cold glint in his eyes betrays him.

You felt like an idiot - of course you just had to say the wrong thing - you knew what he went through when Geto decided to walk away.

“I’m sorry if I hit the wrong button.”, you squeeze his hand as a form of apology.

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault.”, he smiles and squeezes your hand back in return.

When you both reach the car, he opens the door for you and walks to the other side and sits down beside you in the backrow. He tells the driver to drive to the mall and pick you guys up at 6.

The drive takes longer than you had initially expected, the city bustling with people and cars due to the weather getting warmer, you don’t necessarily mind, still fascinated by the little things in life.

Your gaze follows the children playing around with each other, friends talking together - having fun; sometimes it just shakes you up that each one of these people had their own life, their own stories and you wish you could hear them all.

“What’s got the cogs in your head all running?”, Satoru shakes you out of your thoughts.

“All of them, out there”, you nod towards the crowd, “they’re all living their lives, have their own perspectives, they’re their own main characters. It’s nothing new but the realization is so odd sometimes.”, you shrug at him, secretly you hoped he’d understand, even join you in such a philosophical topic - get a glimpse inside what’s going on in his head.

He smiles at you and leans his head towards you, one of his eyebrows raised: “You mean, like realizing not everything revolves around you?”, you inhale a sharp breath, he said it with such a sweet tone and yet it felt like such a passive aggressive dab at you.

You stay silent for a few seconds, considering your next words carefully, it seemed like that’s all you do around him recently - walk on eggshells - your inner self laughs at you demeaningly - is this how you’re supposed to feel like in a relationship? You interrupt yourself before it gets worse - no bad thoughts tonight.

“I didn’t mean that.”, you almost scoff, slightly offended, but you hold it in, maybe he didn’t notice how provocative he sounds.

He raises an eyebrow: “maybe you didn’t say it outright, but you clearly meant it.”

You sigh: “Let’s not start fighting about a mere observation.”, you tense up slightly.

He chuckles: “Your wish is my command.”

Finally the driver pulls into the parking lot and you’re more than happy to get out of the car and get a fresh breath of air. Distraction is what you both probably need right now.

Satoru waves goodbye to the driver and you quickly fix your dress before you step in, Satoru close behind you.

“Anything specific you want to check out?”, he grabs your hand and gives it a small kiss.

“I was thinking about new dresses. We have to attend many family gatherings this month and then there's our annual big sponsor announcement - we need to get you a suit.”, you contemplate if there’s anything else you need but decide that’s it for today.

He groans: “Can’t we just stay at home and cuddle instead?”

You chuckle at him and squish his face: “No. If it’s any consolation, though, we can cuddle afterwards.”, you grin.

He sighs playfully: “At least something good is coming out of these family events.”

“Y’know we don’t need family gatherings to cuddle? You can just come over.”, you suggest, maybe he would finally be the one to initiate some romantic action.

“I’ll think about it.”, he hums playfully; leaving you incredibly frustrated again - the nagging sensation that had been nestling in the back of your head had reappeared - why did he always almost entirely refuse any type of intimacy between you?

You nudge him while you roll your eyes - don’t show him your worries - you repeat almost like a mantra in your head.

“Is there anything you want to check out?”, you ask him, completely open to anything he wants to do, really, you just wanted to finally cross the bridge that’s almost always holding you at arm’s length away from each other.

“Not really, just want to spend the day with you.”, he smiles, “Now let’s go get you some pretty dresses.”

You smile, albeit, a little more coldly than you’d like to admit and you both look around the different shops.

Several shops and try-ons later you had a few dresses, Satoru’s suit in several different bags, all held by Satoru. You still were in the cabin trying on your last dress - a long red backless V-cut dress - you’d probably wear this to the sponsor event, it’s a little eye-catching but that’s how it’s supposed to be and it looked good.

Leaving the cabin you were about to turn when you see Satoru on his phone; you call out his name and he slightly tenses up and quickly puts his phone away.

You narrow your eyes in suspicion but decide to ignore it and do a little twirl: “What do you say?”

He gets up from his seat and walks around you, blowing a whistle: “You look breathtaking, absolutely stunning.”, he grins, “no man would be able to keep your eyes off you and then in despair, they’d have to realize that she’s taken to this dashing young man.”, he gestures at himself and you let out an amused chuckle.

“You’re unbelievable.”

“You love it.”, he winks.

“Unfortunately.”, you sigh playfully.

“Now, hush.”, he rushes you back into the cabin, “we have a reservation at 6:30.”

You laugh: “Since when do you care about punctuality?”

He gasps in mock-offense: “Since always!”

“Sure.”, you hum in complete disbelief and quickly take off the dress and give it to Satoru to pay for it.

While he pays for it you change into your normal dress and get out, waiting for him outside. Soon he steps outside and you guys walk to the parking lot where your driver should be.

He whines as soon as he steps into the car: “I forgot how exhausting shopping is.”

“It wasn’t that bad. Besides, you suggested it!”, you nag him.

“Yes, I did, that doesn’t make it any less exhausting.” , he pouts in all his 6 foot 3 glory and you chuckle.

“You’re such a child.”, you grin.

He scoffs: “I’m not!”

“Of course you aren’t, my big baby.”, you coo mockingly and pinch his cheek like a grandma.

He lightly slaps your hand away and grins: “Don’t hurt the masterpiece.”

“The masterpiece should get a hold of his ego.”, you roll your eyes, a comfortable feeling engulfs you - when had you been this comfortable the last time?

He winks: “You can get a hold on this ego.”, you almost scoff - is this the same man that cockblocks you and himself all the time?

You decide to be bold, test the waters: “What if I do?”, your shoulders tense up slightly, the fear of another rejection never disappearing.

His eyes widen slightly and he starts to chuckle nervously: “Now, love, behave, our driver can hear us.” and your face flushes in embarrassment but it doesn’t stop you from not understanding the underlying subtone - another rejection.

You start to wonder just how long you’ll be able to hold in your feelings; it wasn’t getting any easier, not when any attempt to take a step he takes two steps back, it was frustrating to say the least, made you feel like he didn’t actually want you and it was slowly but surely suffocating you.

“When will you let me in?”, you mumble, tired of this back and forth you lean your head against the window and decide to close your eyes for a bit; maybe he had heard you, maybe he hadn’t, you don’t know - the rest of the drive is silent.

It seems like you dozed off during the latter half of your drive because you wake up to Satoru gently shaking your shoulder and telling you, you had arrived.

You nod and get up still slightly out of it so when you get out of the car, you’re a little dizzy and lean on Satoru’s chest, you can hear his breath hitch a little.

“You okay, sleepyhead?”, he chuckles and you nod.

“Just a second.”

“Take all the time you need, love.” , he smiles and wraps his arms around your waist to secure you.

After a few more seconds in the fresh air your sleepiness finally disappears and you’re ready to go in.

“Alright, I’m ready.”, he gives you a quick glance, probably confirming for himself, if you are actually ready and then guides you inside, his one hand not leaving your waist.

The both of you step inside and you’re fascinated by its glimmering aesthetic of black and gold, it was elegant and prestigious, absolutely beautiful, the tables each decorated with wonderful ornaments that suited the restaurant's interior design - just how did you never hear of this place?

A waiter welcomes you and asks for your name, then guides you to a table with Gojo’s name on it and leaves you to settle in and check out the menu.

You gush at Satoru: “Just how did you know about this place?”

He smiles, yet it was more of a painful smile: “I came here with someone once.”

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion: “Who?”, and then it hit you; her, it had to be Hiyori, he’d never take anyone else to this type of restaurant, your teeth clench together and you grip the edge of your seat tightly, you were absolutely furious - did he have to take you to a restaurant where he previously went with his ex? “You have to be kidding me.”, you deadpan, you didn’t want to fight, not today, never actually, but how much longer are you supposed to feel like the second option, the one that will always remind him of what he could have had, the one that will never be enough for him.

There’s only so much you can tolerate.

“It’s not how you think it is.”, he attempts to grasp your hand but you immediately slap it off.

“You were here with her.”, you raise an eyebrow, you were stating the obvious, hell anyone that knew him would figure it out.

“I- yes, but it doesn’t mean anything to me. It’s a nice restaurant that I wanted to show you. Nothing else.”, he justifies himself and you almost can’t believe him - he doesn’t even realize just what this implies.

“Satoru, the only thing, stopping me from immediately getting out of here, is that I don’t want to draw attention to us.”, you click your tongue, you knew this rage would turn into pain sooner or later but right now you’d rather feel angry than drown in self-pity and misery.

“Just-“

“Have you decided what you’d like to order?”, the waiter from earlier shows up and stares at Satoru with his notepad in his hand.

He starts to speak up: “No-“

“Yes, I’d like a glass of sparkling water and your Wagyu Steak, can you also add a Caesar Salad for the both of us?”, you smile at the waiter and for the first time this evening he looks at you instead of Satoru and you swear you can see him falling right here and now for you, as if his slowly reddening cheeks didn’t give him away.

“Yes, of course, anything for you.”, he smiles, from the corner of your eyes you can see Satoru clench his jaw and angrily tap his fingers on the table; you almost laugh out loud - he had the audacity to be jealous, now? The waiter's gaze lingers a little longer than necessary on you and you just keep looking back, normally you wouldn’t act like this - so immature but the bitter aftertaste his ex left on your relationship just made you act in ways you’d never had before. The waiter seems to finally snap out of it when Satoru clears his throat, absolutely furious at him or you - you didn’t care; let him. He smiles nervously: “And what can I get for you, sir?”

“Same as hers.”, he replies curtly, looks like he wants to get him away from the table as fast as possible.

The waiter nods and steps back but not without catching another glance at you.

“Could you stop playing into his desire for you?”, he scowls and you scowl right back.

You were about to play a dangerous game but god you wanted him to feel the same way you did, make him suffer just as much and the opportunity was handed to you on a silver platter.

“He was merely taking my order.”, you roll your eyes.

“Yeah, sure, he was.”, he replies, his voice dripping with sarcasm and he leans forward, “You’re mine, don’t think some small waiter has a chance.”

You gulp, fuck that was hot, you’d even tease him back if you hadn’t been so mad, so hurt.

“I’m not your property.”

“No, but you’re wearing my ring.”, his darkened eyes brimming with anger, jealousy, it might sound pathetic but seeing him like this, finally made you feel wanted, the feeling you had craved for so long, feeding the insecure monster inside of you - the amount of power you let him have over you was absolutely dangerous.

Soon the waiter comes back with your drinks, Satoru’s scowl only deepens upon his sight and either the waiter didn’t notice or simply didn’t care because he still gives you a friendly smile and you give him a simple ‘thanks’.

“Anything else I can do for you whilst the food is being prepared?”, he mostly looks at you, letting the ‘angry Gojo pot’ almost overflow.

You smile back and order two glasses of their finest champagne.

“Yes”, he clicks his tongue in absolute anger, and demands, “give me a waiter that doesn’t wonder what’s under my fiancée’s pants.”

“Satoru!”, and he looks at you with such intensity, almost daring you to speak up against him and for a second you wonder who the man in front of you is.

The waiter chuckles nervously, trying to calm down the situation but Satoru wouldn’t have any of it: “Unless you want to lose your job, do as I say.”, he was challenging him, Satoru was beyond pissed and some twisted side of you couldn’t get enough of it.

The waiter quickly leaves and you give him an apologetic glance, earning another angry glare from Satoru.

“You’re overreacting.”, you deadpan.

“I’m not.”, how his teeth haven’t shattered by how hard he’s clenching his jaw, remains a mystery.

“Are we ever gonna come here again?”, you cautiously ask.

“Fuck no.”, he shakes his head almost immediately, “never again.”

“Do you finally understand why I’m angry that you’re taking me to the same place you took your ex to?”

His eyes widened just slightly, almost unnoticeable, but you noticed and he nods.

You smile at him awkwardly: “feels shitty, doesn’t it.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry.”, he bites his lips, finally some sort of rationality is getting to him.

“Just don’t do it again.”, you sigh, wanting to get rid of the sour mood on the table, “you look incredibly hot when you’re jealous.”, you glance at him innocently.

“Don’t do it again, or I might end up killing someone.”, he groans.

You chuckle: “toughen up, loser.”

He rolls his eyes playfully: “You’re unbelievable.”

“You love it.”, you grin back.

He grins back, his eyes sparkling in the light of the restaurant and for a few minutes you forget the underlying issues, hiding like mines in the field, waiting for anyone to step on them and get them to explode, leaving only destruction behind.

You take a sip from your champagne and enjoy the bubbling taste swirling on your tongue.

„Any plans for tonight?“, the curiosity gnaws at your throat and you stare at him, slightly tensed; were you being greedy? Maybe, nonetheless it doesn‘t stop you from asking questions you‘ll most likely end up regretting upon hearing their answer.

„No“, he smiles gently, „only plans with you.“, you ease up, except the piling mass of frustration that chained you down like a madman, didn‘t really let you.

Even if the universe wanted you to be at peace, you‘d be its biggest enemy. Just why can‘t you have faith in his feelings for you; why did it always end up with you second-guessing him or yourself.

„Good“, you chug down the glass of champagne, letting the fizziness drown out your inner distraught.

He chuckles, oblivious to what is going on inside your head, „eager much?“

„It‘s just-„, you lick of the remains of it from your lips, „really good“.

He simply lifts up his hand and orders another one for you.

Your dinner is served very quickly and you enjoy the rest of the evening in the restaurant.

Time passes quickly and you‘re already about to step into your dorm, the question falls off your lips before you can even think about it: „Do you want to come in?“

He‘s hesitating, you see it in the way he glances outside and the way he is biting the inside of his cheek.

„You don‘t have to- mere courtesy, really.“, you spit out nervously, the feeling of walking on eggshells is washing over you again.

„No, I want to.“, there‘s pity in his eyes, you know he‘s lying, god you almost want to take back your question, you hated it when he looked at you like this, if you weren‘t so desperate for any type of attention from him, you‘d maybe actually respect yourself and stop begging for his attention, but you don‘t, you push it down for your next cycle of self-hatred.

You grab a pair of joggers and a shirt that are way too large for you and hand it to him, „in case you want to get into something more comfortable“, you mumble, not really looking at him.

He sighs and disregards the clothes in your hand, this time almost immediately noticing something is wrong with you, he grabs your face and gently strokes your cheek: „What‘s wrong, doll?“, concern fills up his eyes.

„It‘s nothing, really.“, you wrap your hand around the hand that is caressing your cheek and gently squeeze it, you don‘t want him to know about your ugly thoughts.

He furrowed his eyebrows, clearly not believing you, „I can‘t fix what I don‘t know about.“, there‘s still that concerned tone in his voice but you can‘t deny the underlying annoyance hidden in between.

You bite your lip, an internal battle unfolds, you don‘t want him to be annoyed with you but your carefully manufactured armor of false self confidence was crumbling and any hit would be fatal to your general well-being.

After a few seconds, he seemed to grow impatient, with a deep sigh he finally slips out of the embrace.

No- in the spur of the moment you grab his arm, stop him from leaving you, the final hit shatters your armor and you take a deep breath.

„Sometimes I feel like this relationship is so one-sided.“, you gulp, you don‘t want to look him in the eyes.

„What the fuck do you mean, y/n?“, he asks softly, his voice laced with confusion.

„It feels like I have to beg for your affections, Satoru“, you finally muster up the courage to look him in the eyes but the intensity in them made you look down again, you‘re feeling way too vulnerable for your own comfort.

He grabs your chin, his breath heavy, forcing you to look him in the eyes. He analyzes every single aspect of your face: „For how long have you been feeling that way?“, he croaks.

„I don‘t know.“, you shrug.

„Why have you never told me? Have you ever even considered telling me? Or did you just plan to bury it down until you‘d be tired of it and simply break up with me?“, he didn‘t raise his voice but it sure as hell made you feel like he was yelling at you, scolding you like a child.

„I don‘t want to have to speak about this. Just what is so hard about showing me you actually care about me?“, you bite your lips, you didn‘t want your date night to end up in an argument, but you‘d be lying to yourself if you didn‘t feel good about finally spilling what haunts you in the late hours of the night.

He seems to contemplate his next action and you keep staring at him, waiting for him to decide, keep arguing or acknowledge what you‘ve been feeling and trying to suppress for so long.

You anxiously stare at him, the clock was ticking, the room so silent it equaled a firework, add in the light tapping of your foot on the floor, you sensed a headache incoming, especially if this doesn‘t get resolved fast now that it‘s in the open.

Another sigh, a step closer to you, you wanted to step back, but your body was not your own anymore, not really, you had just been a doll, in the hands of the doll maker, rarely acting on your own, always listening to his demands, boundaries and needs - putting him first because he mattered more to you than you mattered to yourself, a fool, really - discarding yourself in the pretense of love.

„I‘m sorry, doll, I‘m so sorry.“, he grasps your cheeks, the tenderness with which he embraces you, the soft look in his eyes, for a second you wonder how you could‘ve ever doubted him.

„It‘s okay“, you lean into his touch, why do you always crave him so much?

He gently kisses your forehead: „I promise, I‘ll do better, yes?“, you close your eyes and nod - a silent agreement, his cologne consumes you and you‘re ever so soft for him, your problems seeming almost irrelevant, overdramatic even.

Satoru grabs your face and leans down to kiss you, a smile on his face. You smile back and sigh in content, his breath lightly tickling your nose. The kiss deepens as he wraps his arms around your waist tightly and you reach up to wrap yours around his neck, the need to be as close to him as possible growing with each kiss shared between you. His hand starts to roam around your body, when it reaches the curve of your ass, he smirks lightly and squeezes it. A gasp leaves your mouth and you have to break the kiss, questioning his intentions but too light-headed and caught in the taste of him to actually judge him properly.

„What?“, he smiles at you and leans down to whisper in your ear, „Didn‘t you want this?“, he continues as he bites your ear lightly.

Your face flushes and your brain short-circuits at the possibility of what‘s next.

Satisfied with your bright red face, he continues, „Already blushing for me? Could you even handle what I want to do to you?“

„I‘m sure I can hold myself against you, get off your high horse.“, you scoff at him - you weren‘t sure, at all, your brain after all stops working whenever he‘s in arm‘s reach but he didn‘t need to know that, you had at least a little bit of pride left.

He hums knowingly: „Prove it.“

„Oh, I will.“, you scoff and before you can say anything else he grabs you a little roughly by your throat and kisses you, sending butterflies right down to your lower stomach.

Your fingertips trace around his chest slowly going lower and lower as you continue to make out, you felt like you were on cloud nine, Gojo Satoru is overwhelming you. The kisses turn sloppier, heavier, his hand squeezed your throat lightly and you gasp, drunk on him, feeling the wet spot in your panties you pull him closer by his belt, unable to control yourself any longer.

Satoru steps forward, not letting go of your throat and your lips and you stumble backwards, not expecting the sudden movement, until you reach the edge of your bed and he lets go of you and stares down at your flushed face and despite being fully clothed you felt very naked under his almost primal gaze.

„Sit down.“ he commanded, and you sat down, how could you not when he looked at you like he was about to eat the best meal of his life and it made you giddy, sending shivers right down your spine - you’d willingly let him do anything he wants to you.

He took off his shirt and your eyes widened, you had forgotten despite his seemingly lanky appearance he had muscles underneath. Hungrily you lean forward and your fingers reach for his belt, the need to touch him growing rapidly, he leans forward as your fingers start to undo his belt and he kisses you pushing you down further into the mattress, his arms caging you in, the size difference between you guys making you feel like a small rabbit in a lion’s den.

“You’re so beautiful, y/n.”, he whispers into your lips.

You reach forward to kiss him but he draws back a little and you almost whine at him in frustration like a little girl.

“Desperate, aren’t we?”, he tsk’ed and smiled, his lips trailing down the corner of your lips, to your jaw and finally landing on your neck.

He continues to leave kisses all around your neck while his hands trace all over your body until they finally land on the back of your thighs and spread them so he could place himself between them. His crotch met yours and you hissed at the sensation, your insides turning to jelly, too flustered to say anything else you grab his hair and tug at it lightly, especially when his lips reached a soft spot on your neck you couldn’t help the moan escaping your lips and dug your fingers even further into his hair, he was igniting a fire inside of you and you weren’t sure if you could stop this time. Satoru smirked at your soft spot and started to lick at your soft spot then continued to suck and bite at it, your eyes widened like a deer in headlights and you bit your lips, preventing yourself from moaning again.

When he was finally satisfied with what he had done, he reached for the hem of your dress, his cold fingers grazed your skin and he took it off and took in the sight of you.

“My pretty baby.”, he smiled at you, you looked away in embarrassment, “Aww, don’t be like this, look at me, sugar.”, he reached for your face and forced you to look at him, “This is only the beginning after all.”

It didn’t seem like he was actually waiting for a response from you because before you knew it, he was back down at your collarbone, his teeth slightly grazing against your skin, sending another shot right down to your core and your eyes closed in ecstasy, you felt so good right now. The only thing in your mind were his lips and wherever they could land next. His sloppy kisses start to trail down to your chest, his large hands following in and cupping them around the bra, before he continues he gestured for you to take it off, you immediately listened and threw it across the room, not caring where it would land.

He gently grabbed your left breast with his left hand, his right hand meeting the curve of your ass and giving it a light squeeze as well as he leaned forward to kiss you, you moan into his lips, your mind only screaming at him to touch you, a chant that has grown and grown, you don’t think you could ever have enough of this, of him.

His hand roamed around from your ass to your thighs until it reached the hem of your panties, he stopped kissing you and looked down at you.

“You okay with this, love?”

You nodded eagerly in response, not trusting your voice to speak normally.

“Words, love.”, he smiled at you and your neediness, he knew you were almost begging for him to touch you but he wanted to hear it from your pretty little lips.

“Yes.”, you huff, impatiently waiting for his fingers to meet your most sensitive area.

He hums: “Yes, what?”

You were going to bite his head off: “Please.. touch me, ‘Toru.”, you mumble, suddenly embarrassed at just how needy you were right now.

A small chuckle leaves him: “Good girl.”, and doesn't wait any further, finally giving you what you need, he touches you between your legs, your wetness already having soaked your panties and he hums in approval. “All for me, huh.”, he grinned while you gasped at his touch, your pussy pushed against him in response, craving the friction, the release, anything really.

He lightly rubbed your clit, watching for your reaction, those doe eyes of yours looking at him covered in pure lust, he didn’t wait any longer and took off your panties, taking in the sight of your wetness.

The cold breeze hit you and you instinctively tried to close your legs.

“Nuh-uh, don’t even think about it.”, he growled and his hands wrapped tightly around your thighs preventing them from closing them, not waiting any longer he dove in and started to eat you out.

At the first touch of his wet tongue against your clit you let out a big a gasp, your head fell back and chest rose in surprise, your senses were on the edge, so consumed by him and you closed your eyes in pleasure, your fingers clenched into the sheets and you wrapped your legs around his head, not caring anymore about any shame whatsoever only seeking the pleasure he gave you right now.

His tongue sloppily devoured you, his left arm pressed down on your lower stomach preventing you from moving and you’re left at his mercy when he inserted a finger inside of you, you groaned at the foreign but pleasing feeling.

When he started to move his long finger curled up lightly inside of you and your eyes rolled back almost immediately, feeling so full with just one finger, you had to wonder, just how would you be able to take his dick.

“More. Toru, please.”, you mustered up to say in your drunken haze, “I’m so close.”, you moaned at the tension building up in your core, ready to explode and he chuckled against your clit, making you almost cum undone.

He lifted his head up lightly, you could see his lips glistening from the wetness in your folds and you almost groaned at the sight, turning you on even more.

“Don’t cum, until I say so.”, he looked at you sternly, “I’m nowhere near done with you.”

You rolled your eyes at his controlling behavior, not being able to handle not cuming and groaned, “I can’t control it.”

He flicked your clit lightly and you gasp, flinching back a little at the slight cinch of pain, “Cum, if you can handle the consequences.”

You groaned, wondering what you got yourself into, you bit your lips and prayed for mercy, he’d wreck you and you can’t say you’d be completely against it, the idea of punishment exciting you even more.

“Are we clear?”, he asked, checking if you’d actually be okay with that.

You nod in response: “Now touch me.”, you whined, your pussy felt too empty right now.

He nodded, “good.”, and dove right back in, this time adding a second finger, curling them up while simultaneously sucking at your clit like a starved man, you were a moaning mess at the sensations, his long fingers filling you up so much in a way your fingers could never.

You were close to cumming, not caring about his earlier warning you didn’t even try to hold back but Satoru sensed it and took out his fingers before you could actually cum, you whine at him, feeling deprived and considered hitting him in annoyance, especially when you saw the glimpse of amusement in his eyes, he treated you like a cat playing with a mouse, nothing but a mere toy.

“Satoru.”, you moan, “please, I wanna cum.”

“You can do it, darling.”, he smiled at you and kissed you, his lips covered in your fluids they tasted slightly salty but not unpleasant, his hard and clothed dick rubbed against your vagina, “see how hard you made me? Now be a darling and don’t disappoint me, hmm.”, he hums.

You groaned into his lips, the sight of his hard dick made you feel so good, you felt like you’d be able to do anything for him.

“Mhm.”, you hum, so drunk on pleasure you didn’t want to speak proper sentences.

“Good.”, he smiled proudly, his hand went back down and he started to finger you again while he kept kissing you, his pace started to fasten with each second passing and unable to handle it you grip his back, your nails clawing into him the fast pace almost making you see stars.

He started to nibble around your neck, leaving bute marks and hickeys everywhere and when he finally reached another sensitive spot on your collarbone biting down on it, you couldn’t stop yourself anymore, your eyes rolled back, you felt dizzy and light headed, “I’m cumming.”, you manage to gasp out, your toes curled and your breath grew heavy forgetting everything around you, Satoru kept fingering you during your high taking in the sight of the mess you had become.

When you finally rode off your high, at least an ounce of sense coming back to you, Satoru groaned at you: “You’re so hot, when you cum, baby, you did so good.”, he praised you and took his fingers out of your pussy and licked his index finger, you flushed at the sight, “you taste even better.”, he hummed and pulled his middle finger in front your mouth, “Open up, baby.”, he demanded, you flushed even more in embarrassment but were still too light headed to protest so you obey him and open your mouth. “Now suck, love.”, and you wrapped your mouth around his finger, tasting yourself on it, sucking on it, while looking up at him, as if it were his dick you were sucking off right now you licked it all clean off your cum.

When it was all clean you let go of his finger, sat up and looked at him, “I also want to make you feel good.”, you reached for the hook of his pants.

“Are you sure, love?”, he asks.

You nod, “Mhm, wanna suck you off.”, you smile and look at him innocently.

His eyes darkened and he smirked: “Well I won’t stop you in that case.”, he stood up and you crawled towards the edge of the bed, feeling excited again, at the idea of sucking him off, you unzip his pants and help him take them off, the sheer size of his dick peeping through his boxer and you could see a drip of precum, you gulped - how would you be able to take him fully?

“Nervous?”, he chuckled at you in amusement.

“No.”, you huffed, “I was just surprised.”, you hide away your inner doubt, you’d do what you can to please him.

“Mhm.”, he hummed and you got off the bed and kneel down in front of him.

You hands reached for his dick inside of his boxers your fingers traced down his length and you heard him suck in a deep breath, your hands stroke up to his tip, teasing him and you could feel, that it took every ounce of self-restraint inside Satoru not to just jump you and take you - this made you feel powerful, confident.

With the new surge of confidence you massaged his dick lightly through his boxers and you looked up at Satoru, teasing him, your tongue glided up his dick through the boxers leaving a big wet trail on them and Satoru hissed and grabbed you by your hair, “Come on, love, take them off.”

In obeyance you nodded and took them off his length slapping into your face and you gulp - he really was big, you wouldn’t be able to fit in his entire length.

Hesitating was pointless really, so you convince yourself to be a big girl and return the pleasure he had given you, taking his cock you wrap your lips around his tip and swirled your tongue around it, sucking it lightly like a lollipop, due to his precum he tasted a little salty and you didn’t want to let him go without letting him cum inside your mouth tonight.

“Fuck, y/n.”, Satoru grunted, holding back from pushing his length immediately right down your throat and fucking the daylights out of your mouth, he grabbed your hair tighter in a weak attempt to hold onto his sanity.

“Hmm.”, you hummed against his tip, you could see the goosebumps appear on his skin at the sensation.

“You’re driving me crazy.”, he hissed as you finally went in deeper now sucking him off even more, you barely had a third of him in your mouth and you already were full.

Bopping your head on his dick you slowly take more and more of him, enjoying that Satoru is letting you be in control for now and you planned to tease him just as much as he teased you.

“Sucking me off so well, you’re such a good girl, darling.”, Satoru praised you, going straight into your core and you let go off his dick.

A little breathless you said: “Just for you.”, and looked up at him innocently, this would definitely get him going even more.

He smiled in approval: “Such a darling.”, the grasp on your hair tightened while he forced you to keep looking at him, he pressed his cock against your lips again and you opened up like a good little slut.

Now he was in control again, starting out slowly he forced his dick deeper and deeper down your throat until your gag reflex kicked in and he pulled out, fastening the pace, you let him fuck your mouth, grabbing his thighs for some steadiness.

You felt so used but it felt so right at the same time, right now you weren’t more than just a hole to him but the grunts and moans leaving his mouth felt like little praises towards you.

Saliva was starting to run down your mouth and he kept hitting your gag reflex so much tears started to come out.

“You’re so pretty when you cry, baby.”, the sight of you on your knees, crying while taking him without a single complaint was enough to edge him on, he was reaching his high point, making him fuck your mouth even rougher and faster.

You kept gagging on his length, the sheer speed of him not letting you form any coherent thoughts, the only thing your mind could focus on was the way his balls slapped against your face and the iron grip he had on you.

“Fuck, baby.”, he groans thrusting and thrusting inside of you, his eyes closed he threw back his head, “Hiyori, I’m gonna cum.”

It’s as if cold water was thrown against your entire body and you just woke up from a terrible nightmare, the realization of what was going on through his head hitting you hard, like a wrecking ball - destroying any resemblance of happiness, only leaving behind the debris of bitterness, sadness and anger. Anger at him, at yourself, for being so stupid and letting yourself be used as a mere rebound you tried to push him off - to no avail - he was in too much of a bliss hidden behind a fantasy you weren’t a part of to pay attention to you.

He finally came.

And you shattered, the salty taste of his cum down your throat scarring you deeper than any blade, any bomb could ever do

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guiltyreverie · 9 months ago

Note

I have a big problem, I never read 3-chap fics that are just updated because I'm hungry for words, so I always suffer from the wait. But I'm not trying to pressure you with that, I just got curious with the description, I ended up breaking my limit and got hooked on reading it. HAHAHA THANK YOU FOR YOUR WORK, I LOVE IT, remember to eat, drink water and take care of yourself, everything in your time. <3

Hey darling, I understand, I‘m the same lmao, i hate waiting TO BE FAIR it was supposed to be a single part fic and I just got carried away with the ideas i could pop up and what I could do with it and now its just following the flow lmao

You take care of yourself drink lots of water and eat properly too!!!

Love

Rev

#rev talks

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guiltyreverie · 9 months ago

Text

Remedy

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3

Pairing: Gojo Satoru x reader

Content tags: enemies to lovers; slow burn; afab!reader; clan issues; LOOOONG fic (check word count), there will be another part

Warnings: slow burn, gojo being a dick (even geto can’t save him here), enemies to lovers, arranged marriage, pain :)

Word count: 17.1k

A/N: I need to cope with current manga events and distracting myself with gojo content works best also why do I have the fucking the tendency to never get to the point (at least explains the length of this fic ._.)

There weren‘t many consistencies in your life, if you were being honest to yourself, after all being a jujutsu sorcerer meant having to predict the unpredictable and be prepared for any possibilities, at least thats what those stupid clan elders drilled into your brain at every possible moment but honestly speaking absolutely nothing could‘ve prepared you for Gojo Satoru to be the worst fucking asshole you have and probably will ever meet. You knew since you were a toddler you were promised to this asshole; binding vow infused with cursed technique and what not, basically it meant you keep the promise to get married and stay with Gojo Satoru or the cursed energy will kill you. At this rate though, you‘d consider just dying instead of marrying him, that‘s how insufferable he is.

For as long as you can remember all your family relatives would tell you day in and day out that you were lucky, you would marry the person that‘s guaranteed to have a successful life and you should be grateful for that but honestly, the moment this spoiled toddler looked at you like you were a cockroach and then called you ugly you have felt anything but grateful. In fact that was the first time you felt such inexplicable rage that you straight up threw your ballerina shoe at him and all your mother could do was pick you up and carry you as far away as possible from each other all while you stuck out your tongue at this dummy that called you ugly. Once you guys were far enough away from each other you had to listen to your mother rant about how you shouldn’t treat the treasure of the Gojo-clan like that or she might get in trouble. It felt unfair and this was only the first of many other scoldings to come.

The second time you meet him, your mother specifically asked you to behave, if not, you wouldn‘t be allowed to have dessert and god you‘d die for that dessert. Keeping the dessert in mind you tell yourself you can do this, he‘s just a spoiled baby after all but the moment he looked at you it already felt like he was itching for a punch. He turned around towards his caretaker and actually asked her: “if he really had to marry you“. This time only the dessert your mother told you about protected him because otherwise he would have tasted both of your ballerina shoes. You almost spat at him that you didn’t want to marry this brat either but your mothers warning glance was the only thing keeping your mouth shut. Then Satoru decided he had enough of looking at your ugly face and just turned around without a single word and left you guys. God you really wanted to throw a stone at him. Your mother looked at you and said: “not to worry because boys are mean when they like you.“. This was the first time you actually contemplated your mothers sanity bc why would someone be mean to someone they like. That’s how you decided to hate your future husband and show him exactly that, no matter the consequences.

The third meeting was actually longer than the other two, simply because this time your caretakers decided that a picnic would be nice and good for you two to get to know each other and familiarize yourselves with one another. This time you were prepared for the inevitable, when your nanny asked why you needed a rock you‘d simply state that it was a gift for Satoru and she gushed over how adorable you were being, what she failed to realize was, that it was anything but a gift for him but rather a meanie hitter in case he‘d be a jerk again. Now you two were facing each other and forcefully greeted one another and the nannies both unpacked their lunch and set it up in the middle for all of you to eat. Now, being the respectful child you were raised to be, you thanked them but Satoru let out a simple „hmph“ and began to eat only to spat it out right into your face. He started to complain about how salty the food was and if it weren‘t for your shock in that moment you would‘ve already hit him with your ‚gift‘ but lucky for him your nanny was already distracting you by wiping away the food in your face and then turning to Satoru to apologize since she didn’t know his food preference. Satoru looked at her in disgust and complained about how she lacks basic cooking skills for a mere nanny. That was also the last time you‘ve seen her on your estate and that really made you hate Gojo tenfold. After that day you vow to yourself to make his life just as miserable but the elders decided to stop letting you guys meet until you both were more mature.

The next time you see Gojo, you were both 8 years old and to none of your surprise he still was the same jerk only this time he pulled your hair and called you a pig but there was no one to hold you back from attacking him with a stick to the point you chased him through the entire estate until you actually tripped and hurt yourself and with tears in your eyes you had to listen to Gojos demeaning laughter while he insulted you one more time for good measure.

That’s how you‘d describe your entire childhood with Gojo Satoru up until you are both in Jujutsu High. After not seeing him for about two years, you could argue that he might‘ve changed but it‘s Gojo Satoru, your hopes are as low as believing this arranged marriage can be canceled.

The first time you see him again was while your teacher was introducing you to the other teams and just seeing his face gave you shivers of disgust. He‘d grin obnoxiously at you and all you can do is scoff, while the teacher talks about teams and what not. You were so enraged at seeing him you couldn‘t even listen to what Yaga was saying.

„Yo, did ya miss me? Bet ya did, it‘s not like you can see a handsome face like this every day.“, Satoru grins and it takes your entire might not to just punch him square in the face.

You grit your teeth at the pest you‘d have to see every day now and take a deep breath to calm down: „I might start to miss your face, when it‘s actually handsome, Gojo.“ you shrug and then glance at the guy with long black hair behind him losing his shit and slapping Gojos shoulder.

„Can‘t say I disagree, Satoru.“ he‘d press in between laughters and Gojo would immediately protest, turn around and kick him while he whines about him not having his back.

You just stare at the long haired guy with an amused grin, then look back to Gojo, almost cringe at him, then turn back to the guy standing beside him, „Geto Suguru, nice to meet you, Y/n. I‘ve heard a lot about you.“ he‘d bow slightly and your eyes almost widen in surprise, how can Gojo be friends with such a respectful guy.

„Knowing Gojo, it was probably only bad stuff“, you chuckle and bow to him as well. You raise an eyebrow, provocatively: „rather it surprises me how Gojo managed to find an actually respectful friend.“ you glance at Gojo one more time for good measure, only for him to grin then stick out his tongue at you

„Not all of us are incapable of making friends.“, he states nonchalantly, but the provocative and amused grin on his face betrays him. It really took almost everything in you not to smash his pretty face into the ground and beat it black and blue, but it seems like Geto was one step ahead by smacking him on the back of his head while he scolds him about being respectful to your fiancé.

Gojo in return simply mocks him, then whines about how you two are ganging up on him while he crosses his arms like a child. You‘d just shrug and then say; „it‘s not our fault, you‘re simply insufferable.“

His pout grows even bigger and you had to giggle because he looked like a bubbling fish, that‘s how ridiculous he was getting. He stopped pouting and kept staring at you, his face neutral. Gojo Satoru always was unreadable to you but in this moment he felt like another mystery of the world. Just what is going on in his head? You stopped asking yourself that a long time ago, there was no point in trying to understand him because you simply never would. The silence between you three was turning awkward very quickly and you decide to pull away from this meeting, deciding that you have much better things to do than have Gojo gawk at your face and most likely start to point out all your flaws and insecurities. You bid them farewell with an awkward smile and head to your designated room for the school year.

With a new place came a sense of loneliness that could hardly be described, it‘s comparable to a lack of warmth that flows from the blank walls that have absolutely zero memories attached to them, but you were determined to fill your heart up with beautiful memories in this place as well. This wouldn‘t remain a blank space; you refuse to allow that. You take a deep breath, your clenched jaw unclenching and your shoulders start to relax; the tension, you didn’t even realize had built up, slowly releasing and you felt like you were able to clear your anxiety slowly. This is going to be fine.

You unpack everything from your belongings and decorate the room, make it feel more like yours. The walls slowly are filled with small photos or gifts from clan members and friends. You smile proudly to yourself and put a frame containing a picture of you and your mom and put it on the desk. You hum happily: „I should buy some decorations whenever I have the time to check out the city“. You start to plan what you‘d like to have and whatnot. Some small plants would be nice but a low maintenance plant would fit your busy schedule more, maybe a cactus, at least you wouldn‘t have to worry about watering it, you chuckle to yourself.

A small knock at the door interrupts your planning process. You turn around and walk towards the door and open it swiftly, only to be faced with one of your teammates, Haname. She smiles and gives you a small wave: „Heya, I was done with setting up and was bored out of my mind, so I figured I should check out how my fellow mates are doing.“, she winks and basically barges into your room and looks around in curiosity. Your eyes widen in surprise when she pushes you away to enter the room and you can‘t help but think of a familiar white-haired pest at her boldness, but hers was more adorable, you didn‘t mind.

You continue to observe her, while she is looking around. Her cheeks seem naturally flushed and she had a round face, she reminded you of a squirrel, but it made her look very adorable. She had a small scar on her chin, it made her cute appearance seem a little more serious. You shake your head at your own thought process, it's rude to observe someone to this extent.

A loud sudden gasp interrupts your thought process, „is this your mother?“, Haname asks wide-eyed, „she‘s absolutely gorgeous, you obviously got those good genes from her, oh my god!“

You widen your eyes for the second time in the span of a few minutes, there‘s a small heat growing on your cheeks at her implied compliment, you knew you weren‘t bad looking but someone complimenting you so straight-forward was a rather rare occurrence.

„She‘s breathtaking, isn‘t she“, you smile in fondness, cheeks still flushed and you couldn‘t help but slowly grow fond of this bundle of energy in front of you.

In response she almost beams: „Absolutely! You‘re very similar to her, y‘know?“

You shake your head a little flustered and grin at her, you might‘ve found a new good friend in Jujutsu High: „You‘re also very cute, y‘know?“

She seems to beam even brighter at your compliment and grins and she throws her hair back in an exaggerated manner: „Thanks, gorgeous.“, she winks at you playfully. „So, do you have any plans for today, or can I kidnap you for the day? I heard from a second year there‘s an insane soba noodle restaurant nearby and I can‘t be bothered to go if I‘m alone.“

You tilt your head at her enthusiasm and seeming extroversion: „Just when did you meet a second year?“, you wonder out loud and laugh. You gesture towards the door: „After you.“, you smile looking forward to this unexpected event.

She nods and takes a step forward: „I just met them while I was checking out the training grounds. They‘re humongous, especially considering the lack of Jujutsu students, anyways they were there training and I watched them. Y‘know get some training ideas by observing and when they took a break I talked to them about the school, classes and so on. They were really nice and helpful! I hope everyone here is like that but you never know.“, she shrugs, as if to say, maybe there are assholes here, too.

You laugh at her enthusiasm and her willingness to talk to just about anyone: „You really do have a way with people don‘t you? I bet you could even make Gojo be nice to you.“, your left hand immediately starts to itch when you think about Gojo being rude to her but that‘s a matter for when they actually meet, which will probably be not far into the future, considering that first year students have classes together, despite being in different teams.

She halts in her movements, turns towards you, tilts her head a little to the right and looks at you in confusion: „Who the hell is Gojo? Do I have to know him? Sorry I don't come from a clan or something so I‘m not that good with sorcerer connections.“, she sighs defeated and grabs the back of her neck apologetically.

You furrow your eyebrows slightly, wondering how to explain Gojo Satoru to her, without complimenting his sorcerer abilities and sadly these go hand in hand; that jerk is a confident bastard and he has reason to back it up sadly. „Well, how do I put this,“, your fingers reach for your chin in a thinking manner, „Gojo Satoru, is the next clan head of the Gojo-clan, he has inherited two insanely strong Gojo-clan techniques, the infamous Six Eyes and the Limitless technique. He will most likely become the strongest Jujutsu sorcerer in the future, but I beg you with my entire combined pride, don‘t ever tell him I said this, or I might have to either kill myself or him.“, you explain and warn her. You sigh already feeling a headache forming at the image of his sly grin, if he ever got to hear you say this about him.

She grumbles in response to the new information: „Oh god, an overconfident man and he has valid reasons for that?“, she massages the space between her eyebrows, „i can already imagine just how annoying he is.“

„The. Absolute. Worst. And because of our insane luck, he is also a first year student,“, you smile at her sarcastically, your voice dripping with fake enthusiasm, „and knowing him, when he finds out you hang out with me, he‘ll also probably try to bother you to no end.“, you grumble at the thought of him bothering Haname, but you know it‘s inevitable, he‘ll probably pester all of the students, it‘s just a matter of time.

She sighs: „Well at least you warned me.“, now she grins at you and takes your hand to lead you out of the building and you follow her lead, shaking off the negative feelings that come with Gojo Satoru. At this point it‘s really just a buy one take two for free deal.

Soon the two of you arrived in the heart of the city, you were surrounded by crowds, people were walking by, tourists were reading a map, children were laughing and running around. You grin to yourself; now this is definitely the heart of this place, a new city means a new you. You can work towards improving yourself, become a better sorcerer, nothing is gonna stop you now.

You look at Haname and smile seeing that she‘s just as infatuated with the city as you. You link your arms together so you won‘t lose each other in the crowd. It would be an immense pain in the ass if you lost each other and you really didn‘t want that to happen on the very first day. When you link your arms together she seems to snap back to herself and she drags you forward, probably towards the restaurant she mentioned earlier. Thus your first day concludes with exploring through the city, buying some plants and decorations for each other's room and getting snacks for late nights while gossiping and wondering about the following school year.

The first day of classes started off pretty hectic, you were the type of person to prefer to sleep in for longer than you probably should, so when you realized you woke up an entire 20 minutes after you initially planned to get up, all hell broke loose. You cursed at your habit and got up as fast as possible. After all, you should at least try to look decent on the first day of school. You silently praise yourself at doing overnight curls, at least this would save you a lot of time. You brush your teeth quickly and do your make up so fast, you‘re finished almost entirely 20 minutes earlier than you usually would. You quickly put on your school uniform and check the time, it‘s 7:40 am. At least you were gonna be punctual and not embarrass yourself on the very first day.

While you put on your shoes there‘s a light knock on your door, you can bet it‘s most likely Haname. You open the door, smile a ‘good morning’ at Haname, take your backpack and step out of your room ready to face the first day of classes.

Soon the two of you arrive at the class, which you managed to find easily because Haname also checked out the rooms yesterday. You find yourself being more and more grateful for her presence in your life; she makes it 20 times easier to navigate through everything.

The both of you step in and are immediately faced with the rest of your classmates, one of them being your new teammate. You smile at him and he gives you a small nod back. Even when you first introduced yourself he didn‘t seem like much of a talker, so a small nod seemed like a good sense of appreciation from your teammate and you nod back at him. Haname went ahead and sat herself down in a free spot behind him, so you shrug and decide to do the same and sit next to Haname. The pest- Gojo still doesn‘t seem to be here and you let out a small relief, unsure if you could handle him and his shenanigans this early in the morning. If you were to be honest, if there ever were to be a bounty on Gojo Satoru‘s head you‘d be the one who‘d have put it up.

The devil seems to work hard today because the moment you thought of this, the door flung open and his pesky voice greeted everyone, his teammate Geto seemed to be with him and greeted everyone in a much quieter tone as well. You grumbled as if someone had just threatened to kill you and your entire family and mentally prepare yourself for the incoming headache which comes kind of hand in hand with Gojo‘s presence.

Gojo turns to look at you, probably already having sensed your death stare from thousands of miles away and grins at you and then the seat next to you. You widen your eyes at him and can already imagine his train of thought.

You shake your head at him: „Don‘t you dare even think about it, Gojo.“, you threaten your voice dripping with the intention to kill him

He looks at you mischievously and hums: „it‘s a free country, though? I can do whatever I want, whenever I want.“, he smiles, his eyes glinting provocatively and he pulls up the chair next to you. „Besides it‘s not my fault you can‘t focus in class when you‘re next to me.“, he grins slyly and it takes absolutely every inch of self-restraint in you not to push him off from the chair.

„Sometimes I feel like you were born just to piss me off“, you sigh in defeat, knowing that it‘s impossible to stop him from whatever he set his mind to.

„Please, honey“, he chuckles and leans closer to you while he rest his head on his hand, you scoff at the nickname and you already knew Haname would have to restrain you in the next few seconds, „you should stop being so self-centered, not everything revolves around you and that includes my birth.“, now he is fully smirking at you in victory.

You narrow your eyes at him and retort: “honey, if the world revolved around me, I wouldn’t have to marry you.”

The rest of the class who had been listening to your bickering, now visibly widened their eyes in surprise. Out of all the things that were to be expected, this wasn’t one of them. Your eyes slightly shifted around and sighed at your slip of the tongue, god you really didn’t want everyone to know this early about your predicament. You take a deep breath and start to take out your materials: “Let’s drop this, Gojo, it’s too early for me to be arguing with you already.”, you say almost pleadingly.

Gojo stares at you for a few seconds, which feels like an eternity to you, waiting for his response. Surprisingly he just slightly nods and drops the topic and you almost narrow your eyes at him again in confusion; Gojo never bothers to listen to you after all. You give him a small nod of appreciation and glance at Haname, who is already looking at you as if you had two heads and you almost sigh out loud again and curse yourself once again for already letting everyone know about your engagement with Gojo. She looks at you as if she was expecting an explanation and you whisper that you’ll tell her later about it all and soon after the teacher enters the room and the lesson starts.

While Gojo isn’t actively bothering you, you can feel him constantly glancing or just straight up staring at you, his constant gaze bothering you, you have enough and take a slip of paper and write down ‘Can you stop staring at me?’ then push it towards his table while still focusing on the teacher.

Gojo almost immediately takes the note, scribbles something down and you can see his spreading grin from the corner of your eyes. He pushes the note back towards you and you read his reply ‘Does my attention distract you that much?’.

Your eyes roll almost automatically, you should have expected this, though, he wouldn’t have stayed nice for too long, it’s too out of character for him. You scribble down ‘yes, you’re like a mosquito’ and push it back to him, this time you were the one grinning in satisfaction.

You can see him pouting and then he suddenly pokes at your side. You let out a yelp in surprise, drawing in the attention of everyone in the room. You grit your teeth in embarrassment and tell the teacher you just hit your knee at the table while adjusting your seating position and as soon as his focus is back on the board you glare at Gojo.

He grins at you and whispers: “That’s what you get for calling me a mosquito”

You glare at him again for good measure and whisper back: “i hate you”

He smiles and winks at you and then decided to focus back on what the teacher is saying, as if he’s ignoring you and your response, his lack of proper response seems to irk you even more and you kick him -not so hard to draw attention- under the table, this time you were the one smiling and he was glaring at you. Now you tried to focus on the lesson but the smile never left your face. As much as you hated Gojo you did love when you annoyed him.

While you copy the board Gojo slips a piece of paper towards you which states ‘it’s not over’ and you look at him from the corner of your eyes and start to wonder just what is going on inside his head when he smirks at you but you knew you had to prepare for the worst; when Gojos little head is completely functioning it doesn’t do small actions. You turn around the piece of paper to respond ‘I’m absolutely terrified :o’ and grin to yourself and push it back on his desk.

He gave one small look at the teacher to check if he was still facing the board and then came closer to your face, specifically your ear. Goosebumps ran all over your neck at the sudden close proximity and you had to fight the urge to scream at him and push him away, you didn’t want to get scolded by the teacher on the very first day. You turn to face him- big mistake- he was so close to your face, your noses almost touched and you could feel his breath on your face. Your eyes widen in surprise and you gulp, ‘why did he have to have such pretty eyes’, you start to think to yourself and you almost catch yourself getting lost in them and you flinch back, you turn around to face the board again and put some distance between you, you are more than ready to pretend this never happened. This was completely new territory you didn’t wish to explore with Gojo.

While you did put physical distance between you guys he had reached something today you never knew he could and that idea of vulnerability terrified you, this man isn‘t to be trusted and liked, at least that‘s what you can be sure about. Even if there was something going on you can still pretend it never did you tell yourself.

The only problem is that reality is a bitch and Gojo Satoru is an even bigger bitch and he notices the faint blush on your ears and has to smirk to himself and you really were unsure if you were ready to face whatever is gonna happen next because you knew showing vulnerability to Gojo never leads to anything good.

The class soon ends and you turn to Haname, ready to pretend like the last few minutes never happened. You link your arms together and as soon as you open your mouth ready to say anything, you feel an arm wrapping around your shoulders and a cinnamon like sweet scent fills you.

Gojo‘s pesky voice fills your ear: „Didn‘t I tell you this won‘t be the end?“ you almost shiver; he is too close.

„Don‘t you have anything better to do than pester me?“, you try to untangle yourself out of his arm but his steady grip doesn‘t let you, ‘oh how you wish you had the strength to crush a man's skull right now‘, you mentally grumble and pinch Gojos arm.

He whines about how you‘re bullying him and that is clearly unfair all while pulling you even closer towards him to the point your entire upper body is touching his and you can feel your heart heavily thumping against your chest; it‘s simply because you‘re not used to seeing Gojo like this, you tell yourself and decide on your next course of action: Ignore him.

You turn towards Haname, completely aware of Gojo‘s arm still wrapped around you, you look at her with a defeated gaze as if telling her ‘do you see what I have to deal with?‘. She raises an eyebrow at the irony of the situation, for people who hate each other, you sure were close to one another.

Geto seems to join your small circle with a chuckle and you have to sigh in relief: „Get rid of him. Please.“ you look at him pleadingly. He was your only chance of getting Gojo off of you. Meanwhile the latter is just chuckling at your demise.

He looks at you with an amused grin and then slightly shakes his head no and you grumble at him; you should‘ve expected this, he is friends with Gojo, he has to somewhat be an asshole as well.

„What happened to your inner moral compass?“, you whine while still trying to get rid of Gojo‘s death grip.

„It left the moment, this got a little too amusing for me to interfere.“, he just chuckles and faces Haname, „i feel like we should get used to this, if we‘re gonna hang out with them.“, he hums.

You glare at Geto: „and here I was genuinely respecting you yesterday.“, now you turn towards Gojo, „if you decide to do this regularly, at least put on some deodorant or shower regularly, you stink.“.

Gojo scoffs at your words: “I’m anything BUT stinky, and you know that. I bathe in more oils than some people ever see in their lives.”, he brags like the spoiled brat he is.

“At least something good about marrying you.”, you glint at him in amusement.

The playful mood suddenly changes and he rolls his eyes and whispers something about being a gold digger and suddenly lets go of you and steps away without a goodbye or anything. Geto looks at both of you confused and you wish you could give him an answer but you didn’t have one either, ‘did you do something wrong?’, you had to wonder to yourself. He follows Gojo after saying his goodbyes with an apologetic smile and your side suddenly feels cold.

You shake your head in a weak attempt to sort your thoughts; this is Gojo, he was never easy to understand and never will be. You have to admit, you hated this, this feeling of doing something wrong but you don't understand what. He knew you were joking, right?

Haname snaps her fingers in front of your face and finally gets you out of your thoughts. She looks at you with concern: “You alright? You look a little shaken up.”

“Yes- no, I'm just confused? Like what was that?”, you say unsure of yourself and about the current situation.

She shrugs: “I don't know, maybe you hit a nerve? I still don’t know the guy but he definitely seems like he has some sort of heavy mood swings going on. Anyways I thought you didn’t care about him?”, she looks at you as if she’s hinting at something.

“And I still don’t.”, you stare at her as if she should immediately disregard that thought, “It was just an odd situation and I don’t know how to interpret it.”

“Mhm, sure you don’t.”, she hums, “anyways, what’s the deal with you guys getting married to each other, despite seemingly not getting along?”, she wonders and waits expectantly for an answer.

“Clan matters, really. We were promised to one another before we were even born.”, you sigh, “so it wasn’t really either of our decisions.”

“Have you never tried to make it work?”, her eyebrows wrinkle up in curiosity and she seats herself on top of one of the desks, “I mean there’s no way out. Might as well try to get along.”

“With Gojo?”, you laugh in disbelief and sit down next to her, “hell would freeze over first.”, you grip her shoulder, “besides, you saw him earlier, he’s ten times worse usually.”, you sigh, still wondering if your little comment actually struck him that badly, Gojo was one complicated human to read, besides you shouldn’t care this much about him, it shouldn’t matter, you hate him and that will never change.

The only thing you want to know is if what you did was wrong so you decide to ask her.

“Anyways, did I go too far? He seemed pretty offended by my comment.”, you wonder.

“Nah”, she drags the word and makes a ‘pff’ sound, “you were joking around obviously, and so was he, he shouldn’t get his panties twisted so easily.”

She is making sense, you nod along, slowly getting reassured by her words. “Yeah, I’m probably just overthinking this.”

“Yep”, she smiles, “so don’t worry.”.

Soon after the first few weeks of classes pass and not much happens between you and Gojo, instead of annoying you like on the first he simply didn’t acknowledge your presence. You couldn’t help but welcome this peace but you also couldn’t deny that it made you uncomfortable, it was too odd, too out of place, something was missing and you hated that you felt this way and you would never admit that.

Now that the basics have been taught the school deems you all fit to finally go on your own missions with the supervision of a teacher and of course the missions would depend on your skill levels and teamwork. Your first mission went pretty well considering that this was the first time you guys were facing curses on your own. Actually fighting and seeing them was completely incomparable to reading about them, especially facing the ones in Tokyo. They are stronger here, even if they’re considered a low rank simply because of the quantity of humans in the city. Nonetheless if you wanted to grow your strength as a sorcerer just fighting curses isn’t enough, you have to train regularly and evolve your techniques, being weak and unfocused can easily lead to your death, you knew that. Hence why you were sparring with Haname right now, with your other teammate, Shinsuke, observing the both of you.

You both wanted to try out your hand at various weapons and improve your hand to hand combat, even if you don’t need a weapon, it’s not bad to have several aces up your sleeve and Haname apparently uses dagger, that she can cut herself with any time, it works best with her blood manipulation technique you only got a small glimpse of it but it seemed to have enormous potential despite being quite self-harming, she mostly only needed a small amount of blood and with further training she’d be able to manipulate the blood of other curses as well without even drawing their blood.

Ice manipulation was your cursed technique and with your vast amount of cursed energy you have inherited thanks to your bloodline, you barely had any limits. Your biggest problems apparently will be facing drawn out battles and having teammates, you can manipulate the ice easily but it needs more refinement, saving your cursed energy and instead of targeting the entire area you should learn to just target the enemy since it could freeze your mates as well. But you figured this will be easier following with the experience you will gain from your missions. That doesn’t stop you from still training in your spare time.

The three of you build up this system where two would spare and and the other observes and gives criticism and possible improvements and then you test them out. Sometimes the seniors or other teams would join and the same system repeats. The only ones who you haven’t seen were Gojo and Geto, heck even Utahime and Shoko have joined you all except for them. It irked you, it felt like he was avoiding you and Geto simply followed his nonsense ideas but you shouldn’t let his childish behavior affect your state of mind nor your good time at Jujutsu High, at least that’s what you try to tell yourself; your mood still gets sour whenever you think of him.

At least Geto is still acknowledging your presence whenever he sees you and gives you a smile or wink as a greeting. He’s like the sunshine that follows your broody mood whenever Gojo is nearby but all in all your interactions with the both of them didn’t exceed 2 seconds. On one hand you were relieved and on the other it still pisses you off that Gojo took a small joke this serious and personal when he jokes and pisses you off all the time and you were supposed to get over it.

‘This guy needs to grow up’, you grumble internally.

You were ready to take up a wooden spear and familiarize yourself with it; this daily training for several hours has helped you immensely with your stamina and focus and it actually helps you relieve some inner pent up anger, you don’t even realize you have until you start hitting something.

More and more weeks go by like this: School, Train, sometimes you add a sprinkle of going out and having fun and there are also the occasional missions you guys have and complete with success and only small casualties.

Your team has grown closer and closer to one another to the point you guys spend almost every minute, except for sleeping, with each other and they’ve grown to be your second family; already saving each other more than you can count and a non describable trust has formed between you.

Currently you were seated in the backseat of a car and boredly looking at the constantly changing scenery outside while silently humming along to the music on the radio. The song was just about to reach the refrain when the passenger princess decided to switch the radio channel again.

“For fuck’s sake, Gojo, this is the fourth time you’re switching the song before it gets good.”, you complain. This guy always manages to ruin any type of peaceful mood you could ever have. “Just connect it to your phone if you don’t like the songs playing”, you offer in hopes you can enjoy at least one song before you have to face your pesky and annoying elders.

Gojo and you were invited to a ‘small’ family dinner involving both of your close family, you didn’t know why but you got called and told to bring Gojo with you no matter how and it was no easy feat. As much as you hated your elders or these family gatherings you still could gulp it down and still attend even if you’d rather die than go to one of these. Gojo on the other hand never attends these and they know that, which means this gathering is important as hell and you’d rather face Gojo’s wrath than your mother’s for not obeying the elders.

The deal was: Gojo attends the gathering and you basically get him at least 20 Mochis daily for two weeks. How this man doesn’t have diabetes yet, is something you have to ask yourself daily; his daily sugar intake is worse than an unsupervised toddlers.

The grown toddler in question faces you and rolls his eyes: “These songs are boring, how can you manage to enjoy them?”

You could feel your eye twitching in annoyance: “Just connect it to your phone then, Gojo. It’s not that hard.”

He shakes his head, and switches to another station, provoking you even further, and he takes a small second to consider his next words, “then I wouldn’t be able to keep pissing you off.”

Your entire body tenses up in annoyance, you can basically feel your fingers tickling, basically demanding to choke him but you have to contain yourself, if he’s dead before you even arrive at the gathering, your mother is gonna scold you. All you can do is scoff and face the window again, if he was hoping for a bigger reaction out of you he wouldn’t get it tonight.

For the rest of the car ride, you ignored Gojos shenanigans, except for a few eye rolls here and there; in the end you were also just human and there’s only so much rage you can keep in.

You guys arrive at your not so humble abode; Gojo rushes out of the car and you have to question his next action, specifically his motive, because not even a second later he is making his way towards your door and you have to hold yourself back from opening the door and hitting him in the face with it. The reasonable part in you, knows a clan member is probably watching you from afar and this is the only reason he’s doing it but it still feels incredibly odd.

Satoru opens the door and holds out his hand, waiting for you to take it, he’s lightly and impatiently tapping his foot, which basically tells you he can’t wait for tonight to be over and done with so you take a deep breath and put on a smile before you grasp his hand and let him lead you out of the car. When you step out, he lets go of your arm and puts his hand on your back while simultaneously closing the door.

He leans down to your ear, his lips lightly touching it; you feel tingles run down your spine, physical contact really wasn’t your strong point, you almost curse at yourself and at the effect he can have on you.

“Let the show begin.”, he whispers and you have to cough slightly in a weak attempt to pull yourself together at his raspy voice being so close to you.

You nod to reassure yourself and repeat: “let the show begin.”

The both of you head towards the house, his hand never leaving your waist and you can’t help but feel comfortable, at least you aren’t the only one suffering tonight; the thought makes you chuckle out loud and Gojo looks at you as if you’re about to go insane. Mischievously you just keep looking at him but it’s only in moments like this you realize just how much he towers over you, he’s almost an entire head taller than you, if he wanted to he could spit on your head and you wouldn’t even see it.

This thought makes you slightly mad and you have to narrow your eyes at him: “Don’t even think about spitting on me or anything like that or I will get you Mochis only for a week.”

He genuinely looks lost for a moment, “Just what goes on in that stupid pretty little head of yours?”, he shakes his head but then grins as if he realized something, “thanks for the idea, shortcake.”, he hums, now happier than before.

In response you groaned, you just had to open your mouth. Now you wish you could unwrap his arm around you.

“Don’t you dare or I’ll spit on every meal you’re gonna eat for the rest of our lives.”, you threaten and you mean every single word.

He hums and pulls you closer towards him before he winks and blows a kiss in your direction. Leave it to Gojo Satoru, to make you feel like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster and have your fight or flight mode activated all the time, and right now, you wish you could fight him, he is basically asking for it, but sooner rather than later you already arrive on the front door and ring the doorbell.

You both take a deep breath and you warn Gojo to behave once more for good measure. Soon the door opens and you’re faced with the clan elder greeting the both of you. Albeit they can’t let you guys step inside without a small side comment about how an engaged couple should show up together more often and you have to strengthen the grip on your purse to hold yourself back from either rolling your eyes or pushing the elder away in annoyance. You fake a laugh and respond that you both are very busy people and rarely can make it together to events like this then head inside and greet the rest of your families.

The two of you engage in small talk with the different family members and go from group to group together. Whenever you guys part from one group Gojo whispers small side comments in your ear as if he was a gossiping auntie and you can’t help but laugh at some of them, no matter how much you hate him, you have to admit he does make wonderful company for events like these.

During the passing of the night Gojo’s hand never left your body, even if he let go sometimes his hand always found its way back to your waist and you can’t help but feel giddy at the realization, if you were in the unknown about your feelings for one another you’d genuinely think the both of you were in love given the plain intimacy between you guys. The worst part is, you could get used to it, in fact you are getting used to it, and you don’t like this. At all. Being vulnerable with Gojo Satoru is never a good sign and you dread whatever comes with being comfortable around him. It’s like you are waiting for the killer to finally catch the unassuming victim and waiting for their impending doom but right now you aren’t in a spot to put distance between you guys.

Finally the both of you are done talking to everyone and make your way towards your and Gojo’s parents, after all they’re the ones who are most likely the ones to be the happiest to see the both of you well and happy together.

Your father looks at the both of you and lets out a small whistle before he looks at Satoru and his face wrinkles up in a huge smile: “Did you finally tame the dragon?”, he asks Satoru teasingly then pulls him into a hug, “I hope she hasn’t been threatening you too often. That anger of hers is unstoppable.”

You gasp at your fathers betrayal and Satoru grins at you victoriously, his eyes basically telling you that he’s got your parents wrapped around his finger and you can do absolutely nothing about it.

“Don’t worry about her, give her a little affection and all her worries and anger are gone within seconds.”, he hums happily.

You fake a smile, wrap your arms around his waist in a half hug and subtly step on his foot with your heel, “How can I be angry at you, when you’re this adorable.”, you coo and your mood genuinely brightens up when you see him slightly hiss in pain.

He wraps his arm around your waist again and slightly pinches your side and you have to hold tight onto him to not show a physical reaction towards your parents.

He then looks at your mothers and grins, “she’s such a catch, isn’t she?”

They laugh at the both of you before they stop and start scolding the two of you: “You should attend these events together more often.”, while the other says: “Do you know how awkward it is to always come up with excuses for why you never attend our gatherings?” and much more until they finally hug the both of us.

Satoru’s father now steps in to greet the both of you and then looks at you apologetically: “I hope Satoru hasn’t created any trouble for you.”

You have to genuinely laugh at this, if he only knew, albeit you didn’t want to give neither your nor his family a bad impression but still wanted to keep some type of honesty so you simply answer with: “Only his usual shenanigans, but don’t worry, he’s improving.”

This time Satoru gasps, “I’m not that bad, I’m a fucking delight and you know it, darling.”

“Satoru!”, his mother looks at him pointedly, “no swearing!”, she scolds him.

He apologizes, but you can see from miles away he doesn’t feel the slightest bit sorry about the slip of tongue.

You engage in further small talk, answering all their questions about your wellbeing, your stay at Jujutsu High and basically everything else.

At one point the gathering seems so normal, so ordinary that you can’t help but wonder why they insisted so heavily on the both of you attending together. There’s no way they would have been this adamant about it if this was just a normal gathering.

Satoru beats you to it, though and asks the question you’ve been dying to know and skillfully mentions he had important stuff going on tonight, “so, what is the purpose of tonight’s event? I even had to ask my teammate to take my mission for tonight”

You had to physically restrain yourself from patting Satoru’s head proudly for coming up with this excuse, at least he can sometimes make that brain of his work.

“Oh,”, your mother smiles, “well there are two things planned on today's agenda. First of all we wanted to announce future plans that would follow your guy's marriage in the future, that involve both of our clans and then we wanted to discuss details of your future engagement party, i mean we still haven’t officially celebrated it.”, she explains.

You look at her surprised: “I thought the official engagement announcement would be after we graduate?”, you wonder out loud and Satoru nods along.

Now Satoru’s mother chimes in: “Please, everybody already knows you two are going to wed each other, might as well get the engagement over and done with.”, she chuckles and you can’t help but gulp.

You knew it was bound to happen at one point or another but actually deciding on a date and being engaged officially makes this entire deal so real and it feels like you can’t hold on to the bubble you’ve been living in for the entire time you’ve been at Jujutsu High. You and Gojo Satoru are actually going to be engaged and there’s no actual change to your situation but something about this feels so much more different to your situation before and you can’t pinpoint why yet.

You take a deep breath and for the first time genuinely look at Satoru. He has a blank expression and even though you can’t read minds you just know he’s going through the same predicament as you right now.

You slightly squeeze him in a weak attempt to get him back to reality, you guys still need to pretend everything is alright between you two. Lucky for you it works and now he’s looking at you. You can see the hidden dark look in his eyes; he didn’t want this and your heart feels like it twists in pain, this is probably the only time you’d be the one who could understand Satoru’s thoughts and feelings better than anyone else and you slightly nod and squeeze his arm in a reassuring manner, no matter what, it’s gonna be ok, you try to convince the both of you. This is the only thing you guys won’t be able to change; you two are gonna end up married, whether you liked it or not.

Satoru takes a deep breath then suggests to discuss these matters in a more private setting some time next week and excuses himself before he goes anywhere but near our parents. His mother looks at you confused and worried.

You grasp her hand and squeeze it lightly to reassure her, “he’s fine.”, you smile and follow after Satoru.

He is outside, sitting on the edge of the terrace currently ruffling through his hair, while you slowly walk towards him. The cold of the night breezes against your naked shoulders. Never in your life before have you had to comfort Gojo Satoru nor did you ever think you would but it seems like there’s a first time for everything. Every fiber in your body is screaming to leave him alone, telling you that it’s not worth it, but you can’t, not when you know, not when you understand and you really hated your caring heart in this exact moment so you bite your teeth and swallow down the cold you’re currently feeling and sit down next to him.

He notices you and lets out an annoyed huff: “can’t you leave me alone? At least for now? Before we actually have to stick together side by side for forever.”, you tense up at his sudden rude behavior, you knew he wasn’t exactly ecstatic about the current events but you failed to predict that he’d be pissed enough to let it out on you and you suddenly wish you hadn’t come outside but you grit your teeth together; you both needed to talk about this, whether you liked it or not.

You sigh in order to somehow gather your thoughts and consider your next words, you need to stay calm.

“I don’t like this either, Satoru, just as much as you do. But we can’t change the inevitable. It is going to happen and the best we can do is try to get along and make the best out of it.”, you shrug and look at him, waiting for his reply.

He chuckles coldly, his face unreadable, the only thing visible in this dark terrace that’s only lightened by the moonlight are his furrowed eyebrows, and he snaps: “Make the best out of it? Did you forget all the past years we have spent together so far? I fucking hate you, y/n,”, he stands up and you get up as well, you wrap your arms around your body, is far too cold out here for your type of attire, “that’s not gonna change any time soon, so stop trying to act all high and mighty as if this doesn’t bother you.”, he takes a step closer to you, you two are only a few inches apart now, “Don’t fucking lie and say we fucking make the best out of it, when we both perfectly know this is literally the worst shit anyone can pull on the both of us.”

You scoff, ignoring the small peng in your chest, clearly offended and annoyed by his attitude: “I’m not trying to be high and mighty, I’m trying to fucking deal with this like a mature human being and you snapping at me isn’t going to change our arrangement, Satoru. Grow up and accept it.”

His hand runs through his hair and you can’t help but let your eyes follow his movement and you gulp, realizing how attractive he looks pissed off and you want to hit yourself for being distracted by this in this type of situation and then the realization hits you, you are attracted to Gojo Satoru and it feel like someone suddenly punched the air out of your lungs.

You are attracted to Gojo fucking Satoru, your future husband, who hates you like the fucking pest and the feeling should be likewise; you almost start to curse out loud at yourself, just why did you have to realize this now out of all moments, while he’s expressing his unending hatred for you, why did you even have to be attracted to him in the first place?

“You see, y/n”, you can see he’s clenching his jaw, “right fucking now, i’d rather wish one of us died, rather than grow up and accept it.”, he almost spits out and you know, he is just angry and he just wants to hurt you right now but something about your sudden realization and then Satoru immediately spewing these harsh words out combined makes you snap and you slap him. Satoru widens his eyes in shock and you almost were surprised at your own actions too, at least you would’ve been, if you were in a normal state of mind.

It's just like you thought earlier, being vulnerable around Gojo Satoru is not a good thing.

You shake your head in disappointment and remark harshly and visibly angry: “Out of all the things I expected when I stepped outside, you stooping this low, wasn’t one of them, but I guess there’s a new low every day for you, isn’t there, Gojo?”, you turn around and step away from him. You can’t be near him, not now, not like this. You both needed to cool down, before this gets even worse than it already is.

You step inside and take a deep breath, you need a distraction, anything will do, you can’t even bear to look at your parents right now, you know when they did this deal, this wasn’t what they were expecting for you, and yet you still can’t help but feel angry at them. They took your right to love and be loved like you deserved from you, instead you had a future spouse wishing your death rather than be with you. Anger is slowly starting to be replaced with sadness and the urge to cry is growing stronger and stronger.

What a fucking fun night, you grumble and do your best to keep your inner tumult together, you can’t afford a breakdown in front of your families.

Your cousin approaches you, having noticed you’re not so okay, she tugs you by your hand and pulls you somewhere more private, “you okay?”, she whispers and she knows you’re not okay but how else would she be able to approach this?

You shake your head: “I need to leave, before I break down this entire house, either with my tears or my anger, I haven’t decided yet.”

She nods, barely following along, “okay”, she goes and grabs her car keys, “where are we going?”, then walks out of the house with you following right behind her.

“Bring me back to Jujutsu High, please. And no questions, I’m begging, I can’t form answers right now.”, you plead and step into her car.

She nods affirmingly, “no questions” and drives you home.

The car ride is quiet, only quiet music playing through the car speakers, your cousin leaves you to sort your own thoughts and even after the car ride when you’re already at Jujutsu High you still feel lost about everything. You thank her and step inside, you’d take her out to lunch one day but now you’re in no state of mind to properly converse or do anything else other than think.

Why are you even so affected by this, this is what confuses you the most, yes Gojo is attractive, you established that earlier, but he hates you and you hate him, nothing has actually changed between you guys, or has it? You groan out loud in frustration. No matter how much he hates you or how angry you are in a certain moment and no matter how much you actually don’t mean it, you don’t wish someone else their death, that was a real low blow of him and you don’t think you could ever look at him the same again.

You sigh, you had no intention of solving this situation, this wasn’t your fault and yet you were still standing in front of Geto’s room. Seems like your feet automatically carried you here while you were deep in thought. You contemplated if you should knock or not but apparently Geto didn’t even let you think about that before he opened the door and looked at you in confusion.

“What is bringing you here, princess? I know I’m attractive but I’d rather not do something with my best friend's girl.”, and now you notice how this might come across but you couldn’t care less right now and he winks apparently not realizing that you are here for everything but sleeping with him.

“Bad timing for jokes, Geto.”, you shake your head, “speaking of your best friend, though, fucking fix his dipshit brain or something and give him something against emotional constipation.”, you grumble, clearly frustrated.

He looks at you even more confused before it dawns upon him, something happened and given that you went to him, it was bad, like horribly, only Gojo fucking Satoru could do this, type of bad.

“I’m going to leave it to him to tell you but punch him at least twice for me, please, I already hit him once, but he doesn’t care about me.”, you sigh and you swear you could see the gears turning in Geto’s head.

“That bad?”, he asks genuinely concerned and you only nod, then apologize for disturbing him, wish him a good night. You don’t even give him the chance to ask any further questions before you turn around and head to your room.

You were absolutely done with Gojo Satoru, you grumbled and cursed him all the way up until you arrived at your room. Once you reach the small space you take a deep breath. Feelings come crashing down like a barely holding up dam broke loose and you curse Satoru even more.

It hurt, it hurt seeing him so pissed off about this, about you and you can’t help but feel like your self worth is completely lacking, thoughts start to spill you never thought you’d think and you know tomorrow you probably won’t care and it’ll just be back to Gojo being Gojo but tonight you cared, you let him in even if only for a split second and it was already enough to make your lips quiver and your eyes threatening to spill with tears, Gojo Satoru is your own personal and he proved that to you tonight. You still can’t believe his implication; he’d rather choose death than get along with you, what does that say about your personality? Your desirability? Were you that ugly or was your personality that unlovable? Your insecurities grow bigger and bigger and you’ve put yourself into a circle of constantly demeaning yourself without even trying to.

You don’t even know how or when you fall asleep; only in the next morning when your alarm bell rings and you’re still in your evening dress with completely smeared makeup do you realize you fell asleep. You look like absolute shit and you also felt like it; but you can’t go on like this. In an attempt to get rid of your pathetic behavior you slap your cheeks hard and mutter to yourself: ‘Don’t give Gojo Satoru the satisfaction of having power over you.’ and you pull yourself together even if it’s out of simple spite, if it keeps you going, it keeps you going.

The dress is being discarded and so is everything else, you take a quick shower and put on your daily makeup and blow dry your hair, you’d simply leave it straight today and out on your uniform; you didn’t feel like attending classes but you’d only repeat yesterday’s events if you stayed in your dorm room, and the circle of toxicity would continue. At least classes would serve as a good distraction.

As punctual as always at 7:40am Haname knocks at your door and invites herself in, she gives you a double take and looks at you, or well, more like analyzes every inch of your body before she simply states: “You look good but you also look like shit, I can’t describe it. Was last night that bad?”, she wonders out loud.

You grasp her hand and lead her out of the room with an exaggerated groan: “an absolute fucking disaster.”, you repeat yesterday's events and she listens attentively and proceeds to curse out Gojo with certain insults you can’t even properly pronounce. Now for the first time you genuinely felt like smiling and reassured, your feelings finally felt valid and you were glad you decided to open up to her.

“Anyways”, you shrug, “let’s stop talking about this, or him, he is simply not worth it anymore, I learned my lesson, I have to put my guard up before I fall into a rabbit hole I can’t get myself out of.”, and you sigh, this won’t be as easy as you hope it will be and you knew that but you have to, otherwise you might actually not make it out of this alive.

The both of you arrive at your classroom and you sit down at your regular seats; the room is quiet, everyone either being occupied with their thoughts or still trying to get a few minutes of sleep before the teacher steps in.

Gojo’s seat is empty, so far, you have to wonder if he’s going to show up today, considering how angry he was yesterday. You weren’t sure if you even wanted to see him and yet here you are checking the door whenever it makes the tiniest bit of noise, you really wish you could slap yourself right now in frustration; stop caring about him, you chant like a mantra in your head.

Then the door opens again and you face the sunglasses Gojo wears every single day; your body tenses up and you catch yourself holding your breath, he is looking at you while you are looking at him and everything stops for a few seconds; you really don’t know how to face him or what to do. Do you behave like usual? Are you even capable of doing that? Or will you ignore him, god, you hate this uncertainty.

The tension between you guys breaks when Gojo is being pushed from behind, Geto steps into the classroom and you’re finally able to look away from them, from him. Your head turns towards the window while you rest it on your arm and you know he’s still looking at you but you don’t think you can handle another fight at the moment.

He seems to be sitting down next to you and you can feel yourself tense up even more, you didn’t think he’d actually sit next to you today and thought he’d switch seats with Geto, but it seems like he’s mature enough for that at least, you think to yourself bitterly.

His gaze doesn’t leave you this entire time and you’re almost about to tell him to stop staring at you, when jumps up and mutters something along the lines of ‘Fuck it’ before you can feel your chair being pushed back and Gojo right in front ouf your face. He was so close you could see his sparkling blue eyes hidden behind the sunglasses and his severe eye bags, to be specific, he looked worse than you this morning and it made you feel some sense of satisfaction, at least you weren’t the only one affected by this last night.

He stares at you and then whispers: “We need to talk.”, the eye contact between the both of you doesn’t break and he keeps looking at you so deeply you could almost think he can read your mind.

“Classes are about to start, Gojo”, you barely mutter out; you don’t trust yourself, your voice to properly speak out right now.

“I don’t care”, he says in a hoarse voice, “what I care about is fixing this.”, he looked at you almost desperate and pleading and you feel your entire strength leave your body when he pulls you up by your arm and drags you out of the classroom and you let yourself be carried away.

The only thought screaming into your mind is ‘I don‘t think I hate him‘, you care for him in a certain way because all he has to do is genuinely look at you and your determination is crumbling at his demand.

When you‘re just about to leave the classroom you can hear a faint whistle; it‘s Geto probably.

Gojo‘s hand is softly wrapped around yours while he still keeps tugging you to wherever he wants to go and you follow him silently while your eyes keep following his tall frame. You don‘t know what you‘re going to face, an apology? An explanation? Neither?

Your entire body is tense, and you doubt the tension will leave you any time soon, before you can even realize you already are in an empty classroom and you‘re anxiously waiting for Gojo to say anything.

He clears his throat and takes a step closer towards you, you take a deep breath and step back -you swear you can see a glint of hurt guilt in his eyes- you know that the physical distance won‘t actually put distance between you guys but you don‘t trust yourself being too close to him at the moment, leading to you perfectioning the mask of indifference towards him, even if you feel anything but indifferent towards him on the inside.

His hand grabs the back of his neck and he looks away, probably contemplating his next choice of words. It‘s rare to see Satoru at a loss for words and you didn‘t think you‘d ever be the reason for that but here you were, waiting for him to open his mouth.

Your foot lightly taps on the ground, your pride not letting you even think about being the first to say anything, he was still the one who screwed up so he should take the first step.

After you wait a few more minutes expectantly, you‘re starting to grow disappointed, if he decided he could cut you off from classes and then proceed to just stand there and look at you; you weren‘t gonna have it.

You raise your eyebrow, impatiently before you finally decide you have enough and then make your way back towards the door ready to go back to class.

“Wait..”, you stop and look back at him expectantly, “I’m sorry, okay?”, he grabs your hands and slightly tugs you towards him, “I went too far yesterday, I was angry at the world but then let it out on you, that was wrong of me.”

“I know, Satoru,”, you make no motion to move away from him, “and I understand, but even if I understand, there are certain things I just can’t overlook.”, you sigh, “I’m not a punching bag nor will I let myself get treated like one.”

“And I won’t treat you like that, I promise”, he pleads and steps even closer, “I really mean it when I say I regret it.”, his hands cup your cheeks, “I’m genuinely sorry, y/n.”, and he looks at you with so much sincerity you have to genuinely question if you aren’t dreaming right now; his hands are warm and you suddenly felt like you needed more of this, more of him.

You need to get rid of this thought, you can’t have more of him, no matter how much you want it; Satoru is unattainable like that.

“It’s okay”, you manage to whisper, afraid that if you would speak too loud, you would ruin this bubble the both of you have surrounded yourself with, “well, it’s not okay, but I accept your apology.”, he lets go of your face and smiles brightly, on a whim you decide to grab him by the collar and pull him really close to your face, his smile slips a little and you can see him glance down at your lips, then look back into your eyes. “You pull this shit one more time and I will make sure, there will be no heir of yours”, you whisper your face traitorously getting closer to his, he gulps, “understood?”

“Understood.”, he whispers, the space between your faces getting smaller and smaller.

You let go of his collar and pat out the wrinkles: “good.”, you back away from him and start heading back to your classroom.

As you make your way back to the classroom you don’t spare a single glance back to Satoru, all you can focus on is your heart beating loudly and rapidly as if you had just sprinted through the entirety of Japan, and your mind wanders, you let yourself think about what would’ve happened if you didn’t stop whatever happened in there. Would he have pushed you away? Kissed you back? Those are questions you’ll probably never hear the answer to and you have to almost physically fight yourself from looking back at him; you were afraid that you wouldn’t like whatever is written on his face.

The class is vividly discussing something and you bow to your teacher and apologize, clearly embarassed for being this late. However the teacher just shrugs you off, someone -probably Geto or Haname- explained why you weren‘t there despite your stuff lying on your desk, Satoru is a few steps behind you and grins sheepishly at the teacher, he then stops Satoru him and warns him to solve private issues out of class time.

You have to hold back a shit-eating grin at being treated much nicer than him and Geto doesn‘t even hold his laughter back and you almost start laughing, too. These guys will be the death of you, you can feel it. Geto grins at you, and you know that‘s his way of checking up on you and you feel grateful for him; he was most likely the one to get the stick out of Satoru‘s ass.

While you and Gojo sit down Haname explains what you had missed during the time you were gone, apparently you guys would be divided into different teams for the next three months. It‘s basically going to be a rotation system, where two members of each team will go to two different teams every two weeks; The reason for that being that we need to get used to working with different types of people and training our flexibility, after all the teams weren‘t going to always be the same either when we are grown up.

The two of you look at each other, you knew you didn‘t want to switch teams so early but their reasoning made perfect sense and you could hardly disagree with them.

They were discussing the importancy of team dynamics and what they need to pay attention to even when you aren‘t used to your team members yet; they even made a list of the do‘s and don‘ts when it‘s the first time you‘re working together.

This also led to the big debate going on right now, who would go where in the first round and because the class was being so indecisive the teacher simply decided to draw lots.

While he was drawing the lots Satoru chuckles beside you: „Don‘t worry, y/n, I‘ll take very good care of you, when we‘re going to work together.“ and you groan in response, but he‘s right, you‘ll have to work with this goofy clown for two entire weeks at some point.

He grins and ruffles your hair, leading to you scoffing at him, while Geto chirps in: „He is as bad as he seems.“ and you have to bury your head in your arms in frustration.

Whatever was out there hated you and loved to see you suffer at the hands of Gojo Satoru. At least they took mercy on you and decided that today wouldn’t be the day you’d have to suffer. You almost sigh in relief when your name and someone else's gets called out and it wasn’t Satoru’s.

Another few weeks pass and you have to admit, it’s incredibly exhausting to always get used to new team mates once you get used to the ones you just got paired up with, you at first thought, yes it would be mentally taxing but not to this extent. The entire dynamic changes and with new members, one minute you’re the main act and then the other you’re the support and then the next second you have to save your teammate from getting annihilated by a blast they didn’t see, and then the same game over and over just with other people.

At one point you work together with Geto and you find out you guys actually get along even better now that you weren’t constantly annoyed by the white-haired manchild, they do usually come only in pairs of two, after all. If you were to describe your relationship with one another it would be like two grannies sitting next to each other and gossiping about everyone and everything and you were actually kind of sad when you guys had to part ways but all good things have to come to an end unfortunately.

Just like the good things have to come to an end, the bad things have to show up sometimes too, you think to yourself, while you can only dread your existence for the next two weeks, Satoru is grinning from ear to ear next to you and almost jumping up in excitement. You don’t have enough migraine pills for the upcoming weeks, you were 100% sure of that.

“Hello, partner.”, he stretches out his hand to you, as a form of greeting, with the same grin as before, reluctantly you stare at it before you take it and he abruptly pulls you towards him; you crash against his chest and almost hit him in the chin for being so rash with you. He lifts his hand towards the other person and waves at them: “Yo!”

He has his arms so tightly wrapped around you, that even when you try to push him away, you can’t escape his death grip, ‘at least he smells nice’, you grimace and greet your other partner. He only lets go when your assigned team leader shows up and even then his arm remains wrapped around your shoulder.

The leader frowns a little upon the physical contact but says nothing and you wish you could bury yourself six feet deep; sadly Satoru will never cease to embarass you.

Even when you guys are on missions he keeps calling you weird nicknames and every time he does, another curse would be sent flying towards his direction but this lucky motherfucker doesn’t even have to dodge since his infinity stops them from touching him and it irks you even more, especially when the teacher scolds you afterwards for being reckless and that you shouldn’t throw back curses at your teammates, no matter how annoyed you are.

Today you were sent to a particularly hard mission because, obviously, Gojo Satoru was in your team and the elders decided that since he’s there nothing is impossible. Curses after curses were coming at you, it was like an entire army of them, they weren’t particularly strong but the sheer quantity of them was what exhausted you - no matter how many times you freeze and crush them many more appear, there has to be some kind of power source but even Satoru’s six eyes can’t figure out where its at at the moment; there is so much to analyze, he needs time, is his explanation and you wish his stupid brain could work faster, your output was slowly getting weaker.

Finally he comes up with an idea, he teleports next to you and asks: “Are you capable of freezing the entire area?”, you look around the incredibly large area, it should be doable, but you doubt you’ll be able to stand properly after that but that’s a matter for later.

You nod at him: “Just step behind me.”, you start rushing towards a relatively empty area and wait for everyone else to step behind you. When they are, you freeze absolutely everything, including the walls and ceiling, leaving only the area behind you, where your team is, unfrozen.

Satoru quickly looks around, then teleports away and shortly after the curses that have been surrounding you disappear into thin air; he did it, you smile proudly and then everything starts to spin and you prepare yourself to get down on your knees but you feel strong arms wrap around you holding you steady.

“You okay?”, Satoru’s voice suddenly appears next to you, he must be the one holding you right now.

“I’m fine, give me a second.”, you hold yourself up against his arms; when everything stops spinning you slowly get out of Satoru’s grip only for your knees to finally give in and at lightning speed he is once again holding you securely.

He puts your arms around his shoulders and lifts you up and carries you piggyback style, you rest your head on top of his shoulder, you blame it on your exhaustion although the faint blush on your face could tell everyone else, it wasn’t just because of that. Maybe if you hadn’t closed your eyes to relieve the trembling headache slowly appearing you also would’ve noticed the slight tinge of red on his ears.

Before you even know it, you fell asleep and wake up in the middle of the car ride back to the school, you look at Satoru sitting at the other side of the car, looking out of the window, it seemed like he was thinking about something and you couldn’t help but stare at him. Your eyes wander from his drop dead gorgeous eyes, to the slight crease between his eyebrows then towards the frown on his face that’s usually covered in a smile or grin and it makes you want to frown as well - the mission went well in the end, why does he look so bothered?

“Good work out there.”, you say in an attempt to make that crease between his brows disappear.

He looks at you and then finally smiles: “Good morning, sunshine.”, now he completely turns towards you, “You okay?”, the crease between his eyebrows appears again, “You went off to fantasyland not so long ago.”

“Yeah, I’m fine”, you smile at him, “just used too much of my powers, too quickly, a little rest and I’m back to the usual.”

A little longer than necessary he keeps staring at you, analyzing you and then finally spills out in a sing-song tone: “You went a teensy tiny bit overboard, didn’t you?”

Now you were the one frowning: “You said freeze everything, that’s what I did.”, you shrug, “besides at one point I did have to let out all this pent up frustration I get from working with you.”

Suddenly he grins at you like a pervert: “There are so many different ways to let out your frustration on me and that’s how you decide to do it?”

Your eyes widen in realization and you hit his shoulder: “I did not mean it like that!”, you grimace, “Fucking pervert!”

Unfaced by your hit, he just playfully rolls his eyes and hums: “Uh-uh, sure you didn’t”

Too embarrassed to even look at him anymore you now face the window and have to scoff, leave it to him to ruin any type of nice moment between you guys and you can see from the reflection of the window, he still has that shit-eating grin on his face - how you wish you had slept through the entire car ride now.

When you arrive back at the school you still feel slightly wobbly on your feet but it definitely was better than before, the driver told you to go and visit the infirmary just in case and of course Satoru volunteered to bring you there; if you were strong enough to properly walk on your own, you definitely would have protested with your entire might but you weren’t really in a place to argue so you just let it be and used Satoru like a crutch and weirdly enough he let you.

Once you were in the infirmary they did a general check up on you and already sent you back to your dorm telling you, you just need to charge up again.

Satoru insists on walking you back to your room and wraps one arm around your waist, you stare at him in confusion.

“You do know I can walk by myself now?”, and attempt to wiggle yourself out of his arms.

He doesn’t let you go and just smiles: “No risks; better to be safe than sorry.”, he winks at you and you swear you could feel his arms wrap even tighter around you.

If you or someone else would ask you ‘When did you get so used to him always touching you in one way or another’, you wouldn’t have an answer to that; it just happened, when or how, you didn’t know either, all you know is at some point it felt odd not having his hand somewhere on your body whenever you were together.

Satoru brought you to your room and when you prepare to thank him and say goodbye to him he walks past you and just sprawls on top of your bed, without a single care and you just stare at him, too shocked to do anything else.

A few seconds later you finally get a grip on yourself and scowl: “Out of my bed, Gojo.”, your eyebrows furrowing in annoyance.

He just moves a little more to the side, probably making room for you, “Don’t wanna”, he pouts and pats the spot next to him, initiating that you should just lie next to him.

‘He’s going insane’, you think to yourself, there was no other explanation for this random clingy behavior; you were sure that if you’re going to lie down next to him you would be going insane as well and sigh, “did you hit your head?”, your head tilts slightly to the left in a questioning manner.

He moves his head towards your general direction and opens one of his eyes, he doesn’t say anything but his facial expression definitely says ‘are you being serious right now?’; you look at him with the same expression until you finally realize he isn’t going to move any time soon.

“At least take off your shoes on my bed”, you grumble and step towards your occupied bed and lie down next to him.

Satoru quickly takes off his shoes and then lies back down facing you, the two of you were so close that whenever you guys breathe out you’d feel the other person's breath on your face and it takes everything inside of you not to freak out or curse at Satoru for putting you guys in this awkward position - two people in a bed made for one person.

At some point you close your eyes and try to sleep but you can’t; not when you know Satoru is lying right there in front of you in your own bed. The two of you weren’t actually touching but it sure didn’t feel like it, instead it felt more like he was touching your entire soul, his presence consuming all of your senses and at one point the only thought you were capable of thinking is ‘Gojo Satoru’.

In frustration you turn around, your back is facing him now - a weak attempt to escape his presence - you perfectly know it’s useless but you’re tired and your head is aching and all you wish is to sleep.

Finally you get used to the heat and soft snoring behind you, at some point it even seems like a lullaby and you drift off to sleep.

When you wake up the first thing you notice is the lack of warmth next to you. You turn around to the spot Satoru lied in earlier, of course he left, before you could even wake up. It was a weird situation to begin with but you still can’t help but taste the sour aftertaste it leaves on your tongue. Satoru isn’t the type to stay, you don’t even know why you’d delude yourself into thinking he would in the first place.

Your warm feet hit the cold ground and you almost wrap yourself in your blanket again but just put on your slippers and a sweatshirt from your closet until you get ready and dressed for the training ground today - the classes today will focus on physical combat and honestly, you were in need of pummeling something to the ground today.

Haname, as always picks you up and you walk together; you contemplated telling her what happened last night but telling her would mean it is a big deal - and it isn’t, you convince yourself. Gojo was just tired after carrying you back to the car and then dragging you to the infirmary so he decided to nap in your room and leave as soon as he got up, it’s completely sensable.

She interrupts your train of thought when she asks: “How was your mission yesterday?”, she nudges you, “I heard you exhausted yourself completely.”

“I’m okay,” you sigh, “just went a little overboard. Not really that bad or anything.”, and nudged her back as a comfort.

The look she gives you clearly says that she doesn’t believe you and gives you a once over before she decides to drop the topic, noticing that you don’t really want to dwell on it.

You look around and see some of your other classmates gathered, some are sitting on the ground and some are warming up and stretching; you decide to follow them and gesture to Haname that you are going to start stretching and she joins you quickly.

You decide to stretch your legs and sit down and touch your toes with your hand, after a few times someone pushes you from behind deeper towards your toes and you curse at them ready to punch whoever is messing with you like this.

Gojo’s wide jerkish grin greets you, you push him away and flip him off - the audacity of this guy. For a second you consider asking why he left but you decide it’s not worth mentioning and you once again push down the tight feeling in your throat.

Geto is right behind him cackling while you glare at him: “Piss me off and you’re next.”, you scowl. They really are going to be the key reasons if you ever switch to the dark side.

These two don’t stop, though instead they join you and sit right beside you; one mosquito on each side. At first you try to ignore them and go back to stretching but then they decide to - as childish as they are - make faces at one another and basically yell loud jokes and there’s only a certain amount of patience you have and you’re running out of it.

You flick the both of them on their forehead: “either stretch or go somewhere else.”, you glare.

They stare at each other for a few seconds and then they continue to bother you; one pokes your cheek while the other pokes your side and then Gojo asks, while he's digging his finger deeper into your cheek: “What’s gotten you so grumpy today, hmm?”

A loud scoff leaves your lips: “How can I not?”, you slap their fingers away, “it’s way too early for your shenanigans.”

The both of them chuckle and you wonder what you have ever done to deserve this until they both get slapped by someone on the back of their head: “leave the poor girl alone.”, the teacher scolds them and you sincerely thank him before you grin at the both of them in satisfaction.

They both grumble but don’t say anything else - they better not- they’re already on your bad side today, you weren’t sure if you could handle more of their relentless pestering.

The class immediately starts after this incident and you can finally let out some of your inner pent up anger.

In your head the training dummy is Gojo and he gets the beating of his life; it’s almost therapeutic to beat up dummy!Gojo and you really wish you could do this more often.

Your life continues the same as always: you attend classes, train, sometimes go on missions, are pestered by dumb (Geto) and dumber (Gojo). Well in Geto’s defense; he’s okay sometimes, especially because he’s the one who stops Gojo from overstepping too much but he sure loves teasing you too and they don’t miss out on their daily intake of annoying you.

Now you guys have reached your second year at Jujutsu High, sadly not all of you have made it and when the first one of your classmates died you felt like the world is about to end but you had to recover and continue this path; you knew sorcerers die daily and sometimes it’s the ones you know.

Everything went fine and you had your daily routine, you had improved massively compared to your first year and even got promoted to Grade 1 - you’ll probably become a special grade in the future if you manage to get a better hold of your reverse curse technique.

Then the incident happened and you weren’t really sure if things were fine by then. Satoru and Geto failed their mission and Geto started to spiral into someone you didn’t recognize as Geto. When you first heard of it you tried your best to console him but nothing you ever said really went to his head and you decided to let him; it was something he had to realize on his own.

As it turns out leaving him alone wasn’t the best of ideas because not long after Geto steps towards the wrong path and kills more than 100 people and turns towards the wrong path. You wish you could scream at him, beat him, do anything to make him regret his actions but he had chosen his path and now he was considered to be your enemy.

Gojo was even more closed off right after this, even more unapproachable, yes he still talked and bothered you to no end but you knew he had closed off his heart and had his walls up as high as possible. He hid himself behind his mask of cheeriness and dumbassery but you couldn’t stop him.

Today was another day you were paired up with Satoru, the only difference now to before is that he didn’t bother with team effort; he’d kill the curse in a few seconds and call it a day.

You grumble at him: “Y’know, you can at least try to let us take part in exorcizing the curse.”, you raise your eyebrows in annoyance.

He shrugs: “it’s not my fault, nor is it yours. I’m simply out of your league.”, he grins and you weren’t sure if he just said that to get under your skin or actually meant it.

Your head shakes in response: “It’s still a team effort, Satoru.”, you scoff, “how am I ever supposed to increase my reverse curse technique efficiency if you always clear the job by yourself.”

He just walks away from you before he turns his head around to face you and smirks: “Now that’s not my responsibility is it?”, he interlocks his hands behind his head and you wish you could kick his knee caps, “besides, look at this from a positive perspective - i finished the job for the both of us.”

“I wouldn’t be attending Jujutsu High if I wanted others to do the job for me”, you grumble and slap his arm in offense.

He chuckles and shakes his head: “Chill, once in a while you can lie low and let me handle it.”

You grumble at him but don’t respond anymore - it’s pointless to argue with Satoru; he'd never bother to see your point of view, not anymore at least. Another thing that had changed; you knew it wasn’t really his fault but there’s only so many times you can excuse him.

At one point you do point out his changed behavior; it was a normal Saturday evening, you were on the way to his family's household to finalize the small details of your engagement party, the car ride was silent - which already was unusual in itself but you expected some complaints from Satoru and it took one faint bitter chuckle on your side for him to question what’s wrong and you drop the bomb on him.

“You changed, Satoru, in some ways for the better, in some for the worse.”, you point out.

He didn’t take it that well; he furrowed his eyebrows in anger and scoffed: “Yeah, it’s called growing up, maybe you should try it, too.”

“You know exactly, that is not what I meant”, you roll your eyes, he knows what you mean he’s just deflecting.

“Maybe, it’s none of your business, y/n?”, he snarls and it feels like he punched you right in the guts; you had expected this but still nothing could prepare your heart for this, “Nobody asks you to care for me or my -apparent- lack of emotional well being”, he snarls defensively.

“But I do care, Satoru!”, you respond, or maybe even yell back, you don’t know, you mostly hear your thumping heartbeat and not your own voice.

He rolls his eyes: “Well then fucking stop,”, he scoffs, “it’s annoying.”

It felt like he stabbed you in the guts, took out your organs and tried to put them back in in the wrong places; you know you relationship to one another is complicated, one time you try to murder the other and another time you’re joking around as if you never had a care in the world and despite these complications you thought he cared -at least to a certain degree- about you, but Gojo loves proving you wrong it seems.

A switch got turned off inside of you and your entire demeanor changed - Gojo wasn’t the only one with his walls up now.

You snicker coldly: “You’re right, caring about you isn’t worth it.”

For a faint second you swear you saw something flicker in his eyes but you refuse to believe it was actually real and it was just all in your head - he doesn’t care, he has proven that already.

He turns back around to face the front and the car is once again filled with silence.

You don’t even want to speak anymore but you had to settle at least one thing: “Remember to act when we’re at your place.”, you sigh, hoping he listens to you for once in his life. “I don’t want to hear our parents nagging us because we can’t get a grip.”

He doesn’t turn around but you can see him nod stiffly - at least you’re on the same page on this matter.

Not long after you arrived at his mansion and you almost felt like hurling out of the car; it felt too exhausting to be in there - it took everything inside of you to wait for Gojo to open the door for you.

When he opened the door, he held out his hand - the same tense expression on his face as earlier and you almost grimaced at him; nonetheless you took his hand and stepped out of the car. You were stiffer than a stick to release the tension, you take a deep breath and try to relax.

‘This is going to be terrible’, you sigh to yourself and a coldness fills you the same way Satoru’s cold hand is wrapped around yours.

One of the servants greets you and invites you in, you glance at Gojo out of habit but he doesn’t even bother looking at you and stares straight ahead. You hold back an eye roll - if this man could be any more stubborn you’d actually blast your own head off.

He puts his arm around your shoulder and you have to tense up, it feels weird to be at odds with Gojo and yet so close to him; you two couldn’t be any closer and further apart at the same time.

He silently whispers: “C’mon, we don’t have all day” and guides you to the dining room.

Once inside you both greet each other's family and sit down to eat; not long after the plans already begin - the choice of flowers, other decorations and so much more, well it’s not like you had much of a choice just like almost everything else that involved your and Gojo’s future. It was incredibly frustrating but you knew it was to no avail - you’d just have to bite your tongue.

The evening is getting worse and worse and the more time passes the more you’re tapping your foot impatiently - you just want to get home as fast as possible and sleep; all you want to do is sleep.

Every time someone commented on something Satoru would give passive-aggressive back-handed compliments towards you, like “weed would look best on y/n” or “she should wear something bright to balance out her personality” and you’re one comment away from actually slapping him - he’s going too far with his sappiness.

When they’re finally done with everything you almost jump out of your seat until Gojo’s mother looks at you with those pleading puppy eyes and you curse your nice heart for always bending to other people’s wills.

You keep staying for even longer than necessary; to the point your back even starts to hurt and you’re almost close to begging Gojo to leave; gladly he beats you to it when he slaps his thighs and calls it a night - you would kiss him thank you if he wasn’t the reason why you were in such a sour mood.

The moment you leave the house you speed walk towards the car - you couldn’t handle anymore of his nasty comments nor his nasty attitude; you just want, scratch that, you need to get away from him.

Without a word you sit down in the car and wait for the driver to start driving. You were beyond pissed but mostly hurt, you wanted to scream at Gojo but it wasn’t worth it, he wasn’t worth it, at least not anymore.

566 notes · View notes

guiltyreverie · 9 months ago

Text

Remedy

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3

Pairing: Gojo x reader

Content tags: enemies to lovers; slow burn; afab!reader; clan issues

Warnings: slow burn, gojo being a dick (even geto can’t save him here), enemies to lovers, arranged marriage, gojo dating around, pain :)

Word count: 6.5k

“Say something. Anything,”, he grasps your hands and you push his hands away, almost disgusted at him for behaving this way, “I’m begging you.”, he looks at you with a defeated expression.

“You’re un-fucking-believable, Gojo.”, you almost spit at him but you take a step back away from him to avoid such immaturity and shake your head.

It’s been almost two weeks since you went to Gojo’s house and he finally got the stick out of his butt to realize just how badly he screwed up - it took him two weeks to notice, mind you.

“Are you always going to be an immature asshole, insulting me whenever we disagree, Satoru?”, you aren’t yelling yet, but with all your pent up anger and worse, hurt, it’s going to be only a matter of time.

He interrupts your well prepared monologue, “No-“

“Shut it.”, he immediately shuts up and looks at you like a kicked puppy. “I’m talking now, no interruptions, you hear me?”, he nods along afraid of what you’d do if he actually interrupted you again.

“I did not deserve to be treated like- like a himbo in front of your entire family!”, you stutter, your anger consuming you to the point all your prepared insults and thoughts just crumble and you aren’t able to form coherent thoughts. You take a deep breath and run your hand through your hair: “All I wanted was for you to open up because I care about you and I worry for you,”, Satoru widens his eyes and opens his mouth only for him to close it again like a fish when you give him a ‘don’t you dare speak’ look, “but even that seems to bite me in the ass with you, Gojo. I’m done with whatever kind of friendship we had, do what you want, I’m out of here.”

“Y/n”, he grabs your arm to hold you back from turning around but you quickly shake it off.

Your steps halt for a second and it seems like all your inner turmoil just disappeared and you’re left with some sort of clearance: no anger, no hurt, no frustration, nothing.

You coldly glance at him and shake his arm off then keep walking - a silent goodbye.

He wanted to run after you, catch you, you were slipping off his grasp but he knew if he didn’t respect your wishes now, he’d completely lose you and there would be absolutely no way you’d ever forgive him.

With every step you took you felt the tension in your shoulders ease and when you finally stepped outside the nagging sense of freedom was gnawing at your skin as if it was finally breaking free you suddenly could breathe the breath you were holding in and relief washes over you - the chapter about Gojo Satoru was over what you fail to realize is that it’s an entire book about him

Saying goodbye to your feelings towards Satoru was easier than you had initially thought - maybe you were in denial or in a state of apathy but it helped immensely.

Even when you finally see him after a few days your body gave out no reaction - no thumping heartbeat, no goosebumps, nothing; you were so indifferent towards him, towards anything really, you had become a mere shelter of what you had once deemed as yourself but there was no changing it - at least some of his comments were true it seems.

He’d glance at you several times even when somebody else was talking to him and despite your best attempts to ignore him you still feel him staring; it irks you, makes you feel naked, you knox he’s trying to read you; figure out what’s going on im that pretty little head of yours and it’s only a matter of time before you break under his excruciating stare.

Your mouth opens before you can even stop yourself: “What?”, he is startled - he didn’t expect you to actually talk to him first.

“You’re pretty.”, your eyes widen in surprise and you flick his forehead.

“Compliments aren’t going to make me forgive you.”

“It was worth a shot.”, that boyish smile reappears, the same smile that makes you feel giddy and almost always makes you want to drop down your guard and let him in; for a split second you think that smile is worth your ruin and you have to shake yourself off of those thoughts, let the rationality take over again otherwise you might catch yourself falling into a hole you can’t come out of.

You shake your head no, your eyes distrusting, to someone like him you probably just look like a scared bunny but you didn’t care, you let him in once and see where it got you.

“Anything important you need to discuss?”, you stare blankly at him.

“Hmm, something important...”, he grabs his chin contemplatively, “well if I say ‘you’, how would you react?”

“Gojo, be serious for once in your life!”, you scoff at him.

“I am.”

“No, you aren’t.”, you roll your eyes.

“See, y/n, that’s your problem, you always assume what’s going on in my head and why we can never see eye to eye.”, he’s starting to whine.

“I wouldn’t have to, if you’d just say what you think for once in a while,”, you sigh, “but as we have seen at the dinner, sometimes I really don’t want to know what’s going on in your head.”

“C’mon, sweetheart, I wasn’t being serious, I just wanted to rile you up a little.”

“Well you seriously hurt me, so I guess you did rile me up in some way.”, you want to forgive him, but the part of you that was always at odds with Gojo, the part that was always insulted by Gojo couldn’t; The two of you don’t know how to be friends with each other and maybe it should just stay that way, and hopefully someday you’ll become acquainted enough to get married.

The odds weren’t looking good for the both of you and it would always just be a matter of days or weeks when you’d just start to fight again, that’s how you guys always were and how you’d always will be, you can’t deny this.

“I’m sorry, it was never my intention to actually hurt you.”, Gojo grabs your face and looks at you with so much intensity and honesty, add his height to the equation and you can’t help but feel intimidated by him, “look at me, y/n, look at me and tell me I’m lying. We both know I’m not.”.

The two of you stare at each other for what feels like minutes but you don’t know how much time has actually passed and you sigh.

“You’re on very thin ice, Gojo.”

Smooch - you felt a wet and warm sensation; Satoru had just kissed your cheek sloppily, you’re too shocked to even react - He had kissed you; suddenly you’re unable register anything other than your face heating up and the inner little devil voice in your head craving more of this.

When you finally manage to pull yourself together you push him away stunned and flustered: “Gojo! Have some shame, won’t you.”, he grins that boyish smile once again and you can feel the ice on your heart thawing little by little - a sense of doom overcomes you. You hate this, you hate him, you hate yourself for letting him crawl back to your heart.

You take a step away from him, a bubble of anxiety rises within you, you need to breathe, a task which you find really hard to do when you catch yourself once again staring at his blue eyes that look at you with the same anxiety you’re feeling - were those his or your feeling reflecting in his irises? You weren’t sure, maybe both.

“Look, you screw this up and it’s final, no more redemption, apologies or whatever else you come up with are gonna work anymore.”, you look at him trying to read his stoic expression but as always; it’s hard to find out what’s going on inside his head. “I’m tired of opening up just for it to bite me in the ass afterwards.”

“I know and I promise, I did not mean to hurt you.”

You nod, he deserves the benefit of the doubt, at least for your own sanity and your future together.

To your surprise he did seem to pull himself together and although you two still bicker at any chance you get or he ends up teasing and annoying the hell out of you, it was different than before - it was more lighthearted, less intense, you liked this dynamic between you. You guys hang out even more together - Haname even complains about how he is taking up all of your time and in response he ends up bragging about that towards her and you end up scolding him for his immaturity.

Sometimes the three of you would hang out together but other times Satoru would drag you out by yourself or Haname would explain she had enough of him for a while and needed some girl time and right now was one of those occasions.

Haname and you end up sitting in a nice restaurant and enjoying each other’s company, god you loved her so much.

“Yknow, I’m not trying to be all sentimental but remember when we ate here for the first time?”, she grins at you happily, you can’t help but roll your eyes at her playfully.

“God, you sound like a 80 year old lady reconciling with her long lost friend.”

“I mean, you do have been kinda M.I.A. these weeks.”, she wiggles her eyebrows like a mad woman and you scoff.

“I have not.”

“You have.”

“How have I been M.I.A.?”, you gasp in surprise - you had fairly often talked to her the past few days.

“Uh-huh”, she hums, “baby, even when you’re with me, you’re still hung up thinking about your boyfriend.”, she grins, a glint in her eyes, that tells you she knows exactly what’s going on inside your head - even without telling her.

You scowl at her: “He’s not my boyfriend.”, and try to save at least some of the dignity that your cheeks starting to flame up as if you had just entered hellfire are taking away from you.

She looks at you with a pointed look: “I didn’t even mention his name.”

If you thought your face couldn’t get any redder than now, you were proven horribly wrong now.

“It’s not like that.”, you roll your eyes, a little pang hits you in the chest, “he doesn’t even feel the same way”, you shrug and gulp down the tension that’s building up in your throat. “We’re just facing the fact that we’re going to end up together either way and decided it might be better to get along instead of hating each other’s gut.”

“What I’m hearing is, you like him.”, she smiles at you.

You nod hesitantly.

“Well, how are you so sure, he doesn’t feel the same?”, she looks at you, her gaze clearly saying ‘don’t assume what other people are thinking’

You shake your head at her and gesture to the couple a few seats behind you: “That’s why.”

She turns around to the spot you pointed at before she gasps loudly, catching the attention of several people in the room, including Satoru, who was sitting in front of a pretty girl and then smiled at you guys before focusing back on the girl in front of him; she seemed to pay no attention on everyone but him.

“Why. Are. You. Letting. This. Happen.”, she hits your arm in between each word.

You smile at her sadly, you had already accepted this situation but it still felt like salt being rubbed into a wound you didn’t even know was still open. “Just because I like him, doesn’t mean I’ll stop him from finding someone he likes.”, you shrug once again and stab the fork into your steak. “We’re arranged, Haname, I can’t force him to like me romantically.”

She looks at you as if you had gone insane: “And you think that makes it ok for him to see other girls without your permission?”

You chuckle coldy at her: “No, that's where you’re wrong.”, you take a bite of the steak and swallow it down, the same way you’re swallowing down all of your feelings regarding this situation, “He did ask for permission and I gave it to him.”

She shakes her head at you: “You’re a fucking idiot.”

“Thanks, I know.”

“Don’t you think it’s unfair to the girls to be dating someone who is already promised to someone else?”, she scowls at you and you can’t help but feel offended.

“Don’t you think I don’t know that?”, you scoff at her and can’t believe she’s trying to make you the bad guy in this situation. “I already told him, he’s just going to break their hearts and if he wants to relieve some steam he should be upfront about it.”

She looked relieved: “Good. What happened then?”

“Nothing - he just said to let that be his worry.”, you sigh, “anyways, can we drop this, I don’t like talking about it.”

She looks at you sheepishly and considers her next few words as if she was talking to a scared child: “Y’know, if you’d just tell him how you feel, you could save yourself the pain.”

“And give myself the pain of embarrassment?”, you chuckle, “or of rejection? Besides, I don't want him to treat me like a fragile little thing just because my heart beats a little faster whenever I see him.”, god you really didn’t want to talk about this topic anymore - it makes the formerly delicious steak taste horrible and makes you want to throw it up at the next chance you get.

“Baby, your heart beating a little faster whenever you see him is an understatement - your eyes practically search for him whenever he isn’t there and when he is? Full of hearts.”, she raises her eyebrows as if trying to make her point come across clearer, “not to mention, whether you like it or not, you basically crumble at his attention, girl- you’re completely whipped.”

“No way.”, you look at her as if she’s the insane one now. “I do not!”, the urge within you to throw a fry at her grows stronger.

She laughs and makes weird googly eyes at you while saying: “See, this is how you look like.”

You shake your head and laugh - you'll get over him, you’re sure of that and give the two of them one last quick glance before you shove down any type of remaining angst deep into your chamber of unresolved issues.

It seemed like you couldn’t be any more wrong, though because whenever he gives you his boyish smile your legs still feel like pudding or when he wraps his arms around you, you can’t help but lean in a little closer - as Haname said, you were whipped, it doesn’t matter how much you deny it.

Although the next time you’re faced with his charming smile you’re almost about to throw up.

“I really do like her, y/n”, he smiles.

Please shut up, you almost wince out, but you can’t, you can’t let him see what you’re feeling, not when he was finally genuinely happy after Geto left. It pained you to know there would always be someone else behind the reason for his smile and never you. You could laugh and joke around with him but you’d never be the one holding his heart and you wished you could more than anything else in the world but you’d rather kiss a curse than ever openly admit it to him.

When you finally break out of your thoughts you notice Satoru is staring at you nervously, as if he was waiting for a reply and you try to gulp down any sort of distress you were feeling; he didn’t sign up for a girl unable to handle her feelings for him.

You try to smile sheepishly at him but your voice still comes out shakier than you had planned: “I’m sorry, ‘Toru, I wasn’t listening.”

He ‘tsked’ and poked your cheek: “What’s gotten your pretty little head so deep in thought that you can’t focus on this dashing young man in front of you.”

“It’s nothing”, you breathe out and he looks at you in disbelief and you reassure him again “It’s really nothing,”, you give him a pointed look, “just got my head in the clouds, I’m fine”, it seems like you try to reassure yourself more than him.

He still gives you the same look but then shrugs it off: “No pressure, if you don’t want to tell me. I was asking if it was fine to ask her out to be my girlfriend.”

Absolutely nothing could have prepared you for this, if you felt like he had punched you in the guts before, this time it felt like he threw an entire planet at your gut - you really were going to puke now.

“I- Satoru..”, you didn’t know what to focus on, your vision started to get blurry, you really were about to fucking crack and you wish you could erase your feelings when you can make out his worried expression - you felt guilty, horrible and most of all you yearned, you yearned for him and it’s slowly killing you as if you were an animal at the butcher’s house slowly bleeding out, simply because you know, this will always be one-sided affection.

He grabs your shoulders and he almost violently shakes you and you finally get a hold of reality, Satoru is in front of you and you’re probably terrifying him with your weird behavior.

Your voice cracks: “I’m sorry, Satoru,” you felt incredibly selfish but on one hand you knew this would be the right decision, “I can’t agree with that.”

He looks at you, startled for a second and then he realizes what you’re saying; his expression quickly goes from confusion to anger. “Why?”

“Look-“

“What, y/n? Can’t handle me being happy?”, he let’s go of your arms, his jaw is tense and his once blue yet warm eyes felt like nothing but an eerie ice cold lake.

You wince, you can’t handle him being angry at you, especially when it’s rightfully placed anger - you felt terrible. “We are arranged to get married, Satoru.”, you look at him, you were truly sorry and incredibly selfish, so fucking selfish.

“So what? Does that mean I have to deprive myself of love completely, y/n? Am I unable to love anyone that isn’t you?”, his voice is getting louder and you have to hold back a whimper - your tears that already risked coming out were now falling continuously.

“Don’t you think it’s unfair?”, you finally manage to get out, your voice was as unsteady as you felt - god you wish you hadn’t agreed to this in the first place. “I’m sorry, Satoru, I really am.”, you try to grasp his hands but he shakes them off and you have to gulp down the aching pain of betrayal in your chest, “but don’t you think it’s unfair to the girl, to hope on a love, knowing you’re promised to another?”, you tried to maintain a pretext of reasoning, of sense, but deep down - in the deepest parts of your heart - you knew it was because you couldn’t handle seeing him with someone else, not with the knowledge that she’s his girlfriend.

He scoffs at you in disbelief: “Cut the bullshit, you wouldn’t care less about a stranger, it’s about the fucking family image, isn’t it?”

“No, it’s not-“

“Fucking save it.”, he interrupts you and you had never - not even in your arguments before - heard Satoru speak with such disgust directed towards you and he walks away.

You felt absolutely utterly terrible and finally let out the sobs you’ve been holding in - this is all your fault, you whimper to yourself. You were a hypocrite - telling him to go out with someone but the moment it gets actually real you deprive him of exactly that.

You stay at the place for probably several hours - you didn’t really count - but you stay there until your breathing finally evens and you’re able to go a few minutes without crying; you had cried your soul out that night until you were only left with the biggest headache and a void inside of you, you knew were unable to ever fill again.

Slowly you get up, your legs felt weak after sitting for so long but you had to get a grip, you had to at least go back to your room.

Just why did you have to open your mouth and ruin all the good stuff happening between the two of you, you felt terrible your own pain colliding with the guilt of your intertwined fate; two forces clashing into one another creating a cataclysm in your very own mind. You wanted to curse at everyone, hate everyone for putting you in this position: entrapped in freedom - you were kindly speaking a mess.

The room was silent - only your irregular breathing was audible, which was quite contrary to your very loud mind. You wanted to apologize, take everything back, undo what you did but sooner or later this would’ve happened anyways. Imagine explaining to your girlfriend you had your own engagement party to attend, at least that’s what the logical side of your brain told you - your heart was wondering how long you would’ve been able to bear seeing Satoru love someone else.

It was all pointless now; the pure anger - almost seething hatred - in his eyes was enough to tell you he would never feel the same, the two of you will probably never even be on good terms again after this.

To your own disappointment your premonition had been right: when you showed up to class the very next day he had sat himself as far away from you as possible and didn’t even bother to look at you. When you try to reach him when the class is over he was already away from the entire campus.

“You look like a truck ran you over. Twice.”, she states, visibly concerned.

“Thanks.”, you reply sarcastically.

She steps closer towards you and wraps her arm around yours: “Wanna talk?”

“No, thanks.”, you shake your head, “I’ll talk it out with him first, when we’re both more collected.”

“I don’t know, babe. It seems bad, maybe waiting is the wrong solution.”, she raises her eyebrows contemplating, “I mean, you guys, no matter how bad, have never sat apart.”

You tense up even more than before: “I know.”

Several days pass after that, you had finally started to collect yourself; instead a comforting void in the former emotional chaos had ignited in you and you figured you were finally calm enough to reach out to Satoru and talk to him.

Just when he’d sit down in his seat you take up the spot next to him and the teacher immediately enters the classroom, although he doesn’t acknowledge your presence and immediately turns towards the blackboard you were determined - you needed to sort this out now or never.

“Satoru”, you whisper.

No response.

“Pss, Satoru.”

He gives you a side glance but turns back around.

“Satoru”, you stand up and the attention of the entire class is on you.

Now he genuinely looks at you - albeit he’s probably wondering if you had finally gone insane but you didn’t care.

You take out your hand and wait for him to take it so you can lead him outside. The teacher demands an explanation but he only gets a simple ‘sorry’ from you before you focus back on him.

“Please.”, you whisper, you felt desperate to fix this, you wanted everything to go back to normal so bad, even if that meant having to let him go to another woman.

He sighs and reluctantly gets up: “Excuse us, teach, we’ll be back before you know it.”, he doesn’t take your hand and walks out of the room, you awkwardly let your hand fall down and follow him. Impatiently he’s tapping his foot and almost looks like he could rip open your skull, you gulp - maybe he hasn’t cooled down yet.

You hadn‘t noticed before, probably because Satoru was never the one to actually get mad at you but right now - he was more intimidating than any curse you‘ve ever met and you felt like a defenseless little child standing in front of him, he towered over you, like always but the cold anger in his eyes made you feel so small, in a way you never felt before.

A part of you wanted to run away - let everything stay the same, ignore the storm but a bigger part inside of you knew, if you didn‘t speak up now the storm would never vanish and you’d be trapped in its chaos for eternity.

You take a deep breath and sigh: “I’m sorry, Satoru.”

“For what?”

It takes a few seconds to sort your thoughts - what were you sorry for? Him? Or yourself?

“For everything.”, you breathe out, “reacting the way I did, but also for agreeing to let you see her in the first place.”

He raises an eyebrow - he looks angrier than before and he immediately opens his mouth, probably to curse you out, but you hush him and plead with him to let you finish first.

“Look, it’s not because you’re seeing her or because I have feelings for you, it’s just-“, you bite your lip in frustration, “that relationship is going to be doomed from the start. Yes you’d be just boyfriend and girlfriend now but in a few years? How would you tell her that you can’t go any deeper because you’re already promised to someone else? It’s unfair and absolutely selfish to do that to her.”

“You have feelings for me?”, he repeated in confirmation, it seems like he still hasn’t processed your revelation.

Your eyes widen in surprise and for a second you almost curse yourself for letting it slip: “I thought you knew.”

He shakes his head and you’re ready to throw yourself out of any skyscraper; you briefly close your eyes and calm yourself down - it’s okay, so what if he knows, you try to reassure yourself.

For a second he seemed to have calmed down before the anger seemed to consume his facial features once again: “Why don’t you just say you can’t handle seeing me with someone else because you have feelings for me? Why make up all these other excuses?”

“Because it’s not-“

“Don't fool yourself, y/n. That’s exactly why.”

You grow more and more frustrated, yes you had feelings for him, but it also seemed like you were the only one rational enough to realize just how doomed his little “relationship” is, despite your feelings for him.

“No, Satoru. I’d never prioritize my dumb little feelings over your happiness because I have feelings for you.”

He chuckles sarcastically: ”Yeah, right. Then why don’t you just let me be happy for now. Before I’m chained down to you.”, you felt like puking, does he even realize how much his words hurt? “See, in the end, you will end up with me by your side anyways, I can’t escape it, let me enjoy being with someone I like.”

Right now it feels like he’s stabbing you with a knife over and over and you can’t help but think - he’s doing this on purpose. Be it out of anger or frustration or whatever else it may be, he wanted you to feel pain, that was his goal and god you wish you didn’t care for this bastard but you did and that would be your most likely downfall.

“You’re being a complete asshole right now.”, you say, your voice filled with exhaustion - you didn’t want to argue anymore nor care for him nor actually have anything to do with him, “look, I am sorry for going on about it like this and for hurting your feelings in the process, believe me, but I don’t think I deserve to be treated like this either.”, you shake your head, you hoped he’d finally understand where you’re coming from.

“Awww,” he coos exaggeratedly, “did I hurt your feelings?”, you scoff, how did you even like this man in the first place.

“Thanks for letting me know where I stand.”, you smile coldly, visibly uncomfortable, “I’ll kindly step out of your way now.”, you were done with this situation, you had spoken your mind and apologized but if he didn’t wish to fix things, you wouldn’t either.

The storm between the both of you had stilled, you went radio silent with one another, aside from the occasional mission you had together, in which you’d also just exchange the most basic necessities or the occasional family meetings where you two would go back to pretending you’re deeply infatuated with one another. It was complete radio silence between you guys - you weren’t gonna lie; you missed the playful banter, you missed him, but it wasn’t worth being hurt over and over.

Soon your second year passed and you had even reached the end of your third year; the elders had announced your engagement party - the skyscraper sounding once again as tempting as the waffles in front of you. Your mother, Satoru’s mother and you had gone out to buy an engagement dress and accessories for you and they really didn’t hold back.

They chose a beautiful white long backless dress ornamented with various pearls on the neckline and back, the sleeves were covered in lace and it was absolutely stunning, you had bought matching white high heels and got yourself french nails.

You knew this engagement party would be extravagant and the wedding would top that by at least 20 times but looking at the location you were absolutely stunned, it was beautiful and straight out of a fairy tale; the tables were decorated with white and lilac flower everywhere fairy lights were strung up, even a photo venue and the symbol of both of your clans were stitched into handkerchiefs meant as gifts for the guests - your moms had gone out of the way for this.

There’s a bittersweet taste in your mouth upon looking at the venue - it was beautiful but you wish you also had a just as beautiful bond to your soon to be fiancé. You sigh to yourself and thank the both of them for all their work before you take off to get your hair and make up done for the evening and get dressed.

When it’s 8pm Satoru rings the doorbell to pick you up; you give yourself one last look in the mirror to check if everything is alright then grab your purse and open the door hastily.

His eyes trail up and down your body - you thought you looked good but now you weren’t so sure anymore, not when you’re met with him in a dashing black suit that made him look absolutely handsome, for a second you wondered if you looked good enough for him and you had to refrain yourself. After all this time there’s a small part within you that still cares- longs for him - that always wants to know what he thinks of you and you doubt you’ll ever stop caring for him like that.

You try to refrain from nervously biting your lips, you want to ask him ‘how do I look?’ but the fear of rejection, of being hurt, stops you from asking exactly that, instead you simply nod at him as a form of greeting and close the door behind you.

You shakily whisper: “Let’s go.”, you didn’t even bother looking at him and simply made your way towards the car and stepped inside, not waiting for him.

The car ride is silent, which is a huge contrast to the booming cluster of conversations inside the engagement location. When you two enter side by side, Satoru uncomfortably close to you, his hand at your lower back, the guests are silent for a second before everyone cheers loudly and you smile at everyone gracefully - maybe if you acted good enough you might actually start feeling that way.

“Y/n, Satoru, come, let‘s take pictures!“, your mother grabs the both of you and drags you to the photo venue; she was brimming with excitement and you smile to yourself - at least her happiness is worth the sorrow.

She forces the two of you into several poses, Satoru looks visibly annoyed and you have to pinch his side; you give him a pointed look and try to get rid of that scowl on his face. How would this seem authentic if he‘s frowning in all of the pictures that are probably going to be hung up everywhere in both of your houses. He briefly looks at you before he shakes his head and seems to put himself together and a smile reappears on his face and your breath stills - his smile is fake but nonetheless his beauty couldn‘t be any more real.

Suddenly Satoru‘s mother pops between you guys and scolds the both of you: “How can we have engagement pictures when there’s at least 5 inches of space between you?”, she pushes you closer to each other to the point your shoulder hits his chest and you do your best to not take a step back away from him.

“Come on, guys!”, your mother yells, visibly annoyed at the lack of romantic affection between you, “a kiss or two hasn’t hurt anyone.”, ‘yet’ you add mentally and groan.

“Come on, mom. It’s embarrassing.”, you grumbled and give desperate look at Satoru who had a tinge of amusement glinting in his eyes, “we don’t do PDA.”

“It’s your engagement!”, she sighs and gives you a pleading look and you breathe out in defeat.

You feel Satoru’s chest rumble in your back and he chuckles deeply: “Well, let’s give our dear mothers what they want, don’t we?”

You almost do a double take - Who are you and what have you done to Gojo Satoru? Before he wouldn’t even look at you and now he’s willing to kiss you? It felt so surreal to the point you don’t even realize that you guys had been facing one another and Satoru was waiting for your response.

The nod you give him is so subtle, you aren’t even sure he saw it until he starts to lean in and you are absolutely sure you are going to freak out. The huge space in this hall suddenly wasn’t enough, your breathing was starting to become uneven and you wanted to push him away, you needed the distance and yet your body was acting completely different. It was leaning closer towards him until your lips finally meet one another.

Kissing Gojo Satoru was one of the last things you expected to do tonight but here you were. His hands softly grab your face and you lean in even closer into him. Despite his soft hands there was a certain rough touch into the kiss - it’s like he put in all of his anger, hatred for and at you in it and it was addicting to say the least. A bridge inside you broke and you were falling deep into the river and drowning in your feelings and yearning.

When you two finally part it feels like mere seconds passed but your heavy breathing suggests otherwise. The two of you just keep staring at one another, you feared that if you broke the eye contact everything would go back to the way it was before, so you remain silent; the warm tone of the fairy lights being the only thing surrounding you.

Faint laughter seems to finally break the bubble you have created and you step back in shock; the realization of what just happened finally dawned on you.

“Excuse me.”, you push yourself away from him and step out of the venue; you needed to collect yourself and you can’t do that with Satoru around.

The cold air hits your burning cheeks and you finally seem to calm down now the only thing filling your head was confusion - Satoru confused you. He went from hating you to radio silence to kissing you; yes, it was because you guys were urged to do so but he could’ve also simply rejected them. You close your eyes for a brief second and sigh to yourself - men. There was no point in dwelling and overthinking this in a few minutes he’ll either go back to ignoring you or being an asshole.

A jacket suddenly appears on top of your shoulder and you flinch back in surprise.

“It’s cold.”

“Thanks.”, you smile at Satoru and wrap his jacket even tighter around you.

He smiles back and you have to wonder just why he is out here with you, when he could be enjoying a glass of wine inside.

As if Satoru could read your mind he chuckles and runs a hand through his hair: “I know we haven’t been on the greatest terms the past few years.”

“You don’t say.”, you reply sarcastically and he rolls his eyes in response.

“It’s just, I’m a fool, y/n. Unsure of what he wants and feels and I’m sorry for dragging you down into my pile of bullshit.”, you didn’t know what to say, how to go about this - this pulling and dragging between the both of you, you were tired of it.

“You might be unsure of what you feel, Satoru, but for someone who claims to hate me he sure was into the kiss.”, you point out as a matter of fact, you two kissed each other in there like you both had been each other's lifeline.

He chuckles: “Yeah, I might feel a little more than just hatred for you.”

“A little?”, you frown.

“More than a little.”, he grins, “but I can’t believe you haven't moved on already.”

You scoff and he looks at you so sure of himself and you can’t help but shake your head while laughing.

He stares at you and you awkwardly stop laughing: “What?”

He looked sorry: “How can I make it up to you?”

“How about you start with kissing me and we’ll figure out the rest.”, you grin at him and once again you’re ready to open your heart to the man in front of you.

“I can work with that.”, he grins before grabbing you by the arms and pulling you closer towards him, your lips colliding - you could get used to this type of remedy.

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guiltyreverie · 9 months ago

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