hannahgoesdating

[hannahgoesdating]

BLOG 26.

So. I asked ChatCBT to write 'a day in the life of', using all the things I want in my life and if it doesn't sound like my perfect life, I don't know what does.

'The sun spills through the wide windows of a boutique hotel in Florence, painting the room with soft, golden hues. Hannah, a published author and drummer for an indie rock band, stirs awake. Beside her, her wife Lila, an art curator and photographer, is already scrolling through museum exhibits they’ll explore later that day. Hannah smiles, grateful for another day in their shared life of creativity, love, and adventure.

Morning: Writing and Rhythm

After a light breakfast of espresso and fresh pastries, Hannah sets up her laptop in the corner of their room. Mornings are sacred for her writing process. With noise-cancelling headphones on, she dives into the manuscript of her latest novel, a multi-generational tale about musicians in the 1960s.

By mid-morning, Hannah takes a break. Lila has lined up an impromptu visit to a local art gallery, and the couple strolls hand in hand through cobblestone streets. They pause often, captivated by street performers, murals, and quaint bookshops. Inspiration is everywhere, and Hannah jots down ideas in her leather notebook.

Afternoon: Rehearsal and Connection

Back at the hotel, Hannah joins her bandmates for a rehearsal in preparation for that evening’s gig. The band is a close-knit family, and their practice is a mix of serious drum patterns and playful banter. Hannah's drumming style—fluid yet precise—brings a unique heartbeat to their music. Lila often snaps candid photos during rehearsals, capturing the raw energy of the band.

Lunch is a communal affair with the band and a few friends who have joined them on tour. Plates of pasta and glasses of wine fill the table as laughter and stories swirl around. Hannah is happiest in these moments, surrounded by the people who make her life rich.

Evening: The Stage and the Spotlight

As the sun sets, the band prepares for their performance at a historic venue. Hannah and Lila share a quiet moment backstage. "You ready to steal the show?" Lila teases, adjusting Hannah’s leather jacket. "Always," Hannah grins.

Under the spotlight, Hannah feels alive. The crowd’s energy pulses through her as she beats out the opening rhythm, anchoring the band’s sound. Between songs, she glances at Lila in the wings, her biggest fan and constant muse.

Late Night: Reflection and Intimacy

After the show, the couple escapes the chaos for a moonlit walk by the river. They talk about the show, the art they saw earlier, and the plans for tomorrow. Back at their hotel, they wind down with tea and a classic French film playing softly in the background.

Hannah reflects on the day, her heart full. She’s a woman constantly in motion—writing, drumming, exploring—but at the centre of it all is Lila and their shared passion for art and connection. Tomorrow will bring new cities, new ideas, and new stories, but tonight, this moment is enough.'

Oi Lila! Where are you? Onwards to the next date!

[hannahgoesdating]

I must tell,reading the last few post's was like a good Book. And reminded me what i did go through befor finding the right one ❤️❤️ you just gained a follower from Germany ❤️

That's lovely to hear! Thank you very much! xx

[hannahgoesdating]

BLOG 25.

Aside from sleeping with women in bathrooms, I did almost have a girlfriend, or it felt like that's what was happening anyway. But it cut off very quickly for the most bizarre reason yet!

We slept together twice and it was lovely. She was attractive and was very into it. It surprised me honestly but it felt right. Then she told me that she'd had to go to the doctors for abdominal cramps. It turns out that she's had her tubes tied. I didn't know that was a thing that was even offered to healthy women in their late twenties. It turns out she was having sex with me sooner than she should have been having sex and the contractions from her orgasms were what was causing the cramping. Which when she told me, I have to be honest, I was pretty proud of myself! Nothing better than hearing that you've given your partner pleasure.

But obviously I was curious as to why she would make the choice to have a surgery that she didn't need. It was because she doesn't want children and being bisexual I suppose that is the most sure fire way for her to make sure she would never get pregnant. She asked me how I felt about children and I said I didn't know. I don't really, the older I get the less sure I am that I would want children. But I'm not sure if that's because I can't see myself at the moment being in charge of a human life or if I actually don't want them. I think the former. But I said that to her and that was a deal breaker for her.

I got a text two days after that conversation saying that if I think there's even a small chance that I may want children in the future then we should just leave it there.

I suppose I'm at that age now where the kids conversation happens sooner rather than later!

Onwards to the next date!

[hannahgoesdating]

Blog 24.

 I dated a girl for three months but it didn't end well. When I first met her I had made a decision that I was going to date without a view to it becoming serious. Before I’ve always gone into dating a new person hoping that it was going to turn into a proper relationship. I was already dating someone when I met her and I was having multiple online conversations with people online, for the first time ever I was enjoying being single. But then I met ‘Amy’ (her name wasn't Amy but I don't want to use any real names in this blog) and within a few minutes we realised we had a lot in common, we had a lot of friends in common and even went to the same school, just a few years apart. We got along and we were kissing and touching a lot after just a couple of hours. We even slept together on that first date. I liked her a lot when we started dating, I even thought that I’d got myself a girlfriend. But things changed very quickly. She got very intense, which made me feel tense and over think all the things that I did and said. We would text all day every day which I didn’t mind but every few days we had to have a serious talk, whether it was about her feeling like I wasn't as into it as her or her telling me she loved me, yes loved, it began to feel too much. We had only been dating for two months when she first told me she loved me. We’re in our twenties, we should know the difference between lust and love. Except for one thing...we weren’t having much sex at all. She was an all or nothing type of girl, we’d just be kissing then the pants would come off and it would be straight to intenseness. there was no teasing, no building, from first base right to last base. That's no good. So with that and the constant questioning of me it made me back right off. 

I wrote this blog years ago. 

It has been waiting patiently in my drafts. 

 When I look back at this relationship...’situationship’’. I honestly remembered it differently. I remembered ‘Amy’ as the best sex I’ve ever had. But clearly, it wasn’t that great. At the time I was full of anxiety and that paired with how Amy was, it was a recipe for disaster. I even saw her recently, I wasn’t attracted to her at all. I think it was that she seemed experienced to me and safe at the same time because she was familiar.

Isn’t memory an interesting thing?

[hannahgoesdating]

Your blog is so cute!

thank you! <3

[hannahgoesdating]

BLOG 23.

I forgot this blog existed.

I have a lot to fill you in on. But for now I will just tell you about what has been going on recently. I can speak more broadly in other posts.

Recently my self confidence has grown. There's still a long way to go but I'm far from how I was back in 2018! It's starting to show, I got two numbers last Saturday and had sex in a bar toilet. I never thought that would be something I would say but here we are. At 33 I'm doing things that people in their mid 20's usually do. But the older I get the more I realise that everyone's on their own timeline. When I was in my early 20's my sense of self was destroyed. It had been destroyed by my teenage self. The fear and confusion I suffered from then. The biggest problem with hiding such a big part of yourself is making yourself small. When you make yourself small like that you stunt your own personal growth. It becomes a habit, habits are hard to break. When the habit is pretending to be someone else it is hard to be yourself. And being yourself is the thing that makes you special and attractive.

With my confidence is coming a sense of contentment. I love my own company. I have my own flat now, I have queer friends. I know what I want out of life and I'm ready to actually chase those things (General life goals, not relationship-wise). I also quit my job recently, but that's another story! My point is, I used to be desperate for a relationship to fill the lonely hole inside myself. But the better my mental health gets, the smaller that hole becomes.

Onwards to the next date!

[hannahgoesdating]

Blog 22.

So. A long time has passed and that's right kids; I’m still single. 

I had an almost relationship, well it was an almost, almost relationship. It was a bizarre situation. I met her on Tinder (surprise, surprise) and we started seeing each other. She seemed perfect for me, I found her attractive, she was intelligent and kind and creative. She was an animator and we had a lot in common. She was bright as a button and I liked her a lot. We did all the cute awkward things when you start dating someone, like holding hands in the cinema and kissing awkwardly. But I started to feel confident and I’d sit there with my hand on her knee. It was a nice feeling.

 It was going well until the universe once again decided to send me a curve ball. She told me over Chinese food that she was demi-sexual, somewhere on the asexual spectrum. I didn’t even know what demi-sexual was at the time. It turns out it means that you don’t feel sexual attraction until you form an intimate relationship with someone. If that wasn’t confusing enough later that very evening we had gone back to her house and even though we hadn't gone all the way we had gone pretty far. Far enough for me to learn what all the boys I used to make out with used to feel like. 

 I went home and looked into what she had told me and had a further conversation with her about it. I won’t lie and say that I wasn’t disappointed. I’m not asexual and I was really into her. But I was willing to wait if that's what she needed as a demi-sexual. She was great and it wasn’t like possible relationships were something I came by often. So I saw her again and she started taking me to things where I met her friends. I thought she was serious about me. But then one weekend it was like radio silence. I struggled to get a text out of her and I didn’t want to appear clingy. But by Monday night I had had enough. I hated checking my phone every five minutes to find she still hadn’t answered me, so I decided to ask straight up what was wrong. It turned out that she wanted to break it off. While telling me I was great she said that she didn’t think a relationship would work because I ‘wouldn't be satisfied’. Her sex drive was never going to match mine and even that night when we made out at her place she felt  uncomfortable. That made me feel two things, frustrated that another attempt at a relationship had ended before it started . But the other thing I felt was guilt. Had I unintentionally pushed her that night? I had stopped when she had told me so. I never wanted to be that person who pushed someone to do something they weren't comfortable with. I have been in those shoes and it's awful. It made me feel so shitty about myself and It worries me that it’s alienated my relationship with sex a little bit more. I’ll have to be way more careful next time I’m in that situation. 

 I don't understand why things like this keep happening to me. It’s like the world just wants to constantly vagina block me. Oh well.

until next time. 

[hannahgoesdating]

so hey fun fact for anyone who wants queer history trivia: the first disco in Seattle was opened in 1973 and was a gay bar called “shelly’s leg” and it was named after a dancer named shelly who lost her leg in a confetti cannon accident and used the insurance/lawsuit settlement money to open a gay disco.

[hannahgoesdating]

Blog 21.

 The first time I kissed a girl was completely random. I was eighteen and I was in my favourite nightclub. It was the only proper rock nightclub in the city, it was dark and grimy and I loved it. There was a real sense of community there, same faces every week. It was also known to be gay friendly. It wasn’t a gay club but it was a place where a girl could kiss a girl and a boy could kiss a boy and no one would bat an eyelid. And this girl must have heard about that because this girl walked up to me, two friends in town and said; ‘This is my first time here, can I kiss you?”. I don’t know where I found my confidence that night, maybe it was the copious amounts of vodka, maybe it was that I felt like it was my club. I’d been going there since I was thirteen and started going to the under eighteens night they had there. But I said yes and I did it, coolly, easily and then it was over. I know I felt proud of myself that night and I would say that was also probably the night that planted the seed that let me realise that I was gay.

[hannahgoesdating]

Blog 20.

I got reported for adult content on whisper for talking about sexuality. Talking about sexuality is not adult content. People have crushes as small children, innocent attraction sure, but still attraction. My post was stating that straight isn't the only normal, it's just the most common sexuality. Adult content would be talking about sex not sexual orientation. Children and teenagers feel attraction too and we need to talk about it so that they don't spend their whole adolescence feeling alone and confused. Didn't the person who deemed my post adult content ever have a crush on their teacher when they were a small child, or have their first kiss at thirteen?

It pisses me off that being gay is still just associated with sex and it's obviously still this taboo that people under the age of eighteen should talk about. It is more than an appropriate subject it's a necessity. I know if I had felt more comfortable with it all when I was younger I wouldn't have put myself through half the shit I did. I needed to feel normal and I didn't, I needed to feel like it wasn't something wrong with me and it wasn't something that was in the same vein as a sexual fetish. It still affects me now, even as an open out lesbian.  I only watch television with any sort of lesbian themes when I'm alone and if I'm watching it and someone comes home I change the channel. You might say that that's normal, I don't want to watch anything with sexual content with my family, which is true but I've watched a lot of wildly inappropriate heterosexual things. Or maybe it's because lesbian content is a lot more personal to me than a man and woman romance. But mostly I feel it's like highlighting what I want to do sexually with my family and that makes me uncomfortable. But why don't my sisters feel that about when we watch heterosexual romances? Exactly.

   It's not adult content. It's life and it needs to be talked about. We need to stop treating it like a taboo and treat it how it should be treated. Like it's the normal thing it is.

[hannahgoesdating]

Blog 19.

Hello friends!

I apologise for the sporadic posts for those of you lovely people that actually read this. To update you on my love life, well, there isn't really anything to update... I'm still single. I did almost have something with someone but I'm starting to understand that the only thing that really affects the beginnings of relationships is timing. If you aren't in the right headspace, if you don't live close together, if you're too busy with work, it's prevents a relationship from happening. You could be perfect for each other but if you aren't both on the same page and your circumstances are difficult then you're doomed.

But I am getting a little bit more confident in my sexuality and myself. I'll never be that person who is going to tell everyone I meet as quick as I can that I'm a lesbian because unless I want to date them it's as unimportant as them knowing I don't like olives.  But if it comes up or I am asked straight out if I've got a boyfriend or something I will say it and say it with assurance.  For example this week I went to Leeds with the girls from my new work and later on in the day we were playing 'never have I ever'. It was okay actually, I usually don't like playing because I hate having to come up with questions. Anyway the question came up, 'Never have I ever slept with someone of the same sex,' I decided to drink even though I haven't yet. In that moment I thought it was a good subtle way to let all the girls at once know that I'm gay without making it into a big deal.  But then one of the girls yelled 'Story time!' to which I answered 'I only sleep with people of the same sex'. I was a little bit embarrassed but not majorly because I was pretty drunk at that point. She actually apologised to me later in the night for saying that but it really didn't bother me that much.

Later on in the night I was talking to one of the lads from work and he was saying about how he'd had an incident with a girl liking him and saying that he was dating someone already to get out of it. I told him 'I understand that because I am gay and when a guy tries to come on to me I always say that I'm in a relationship because it's easier and more painless than trying to explain the true reason,'. It felt really good to say it like that; 'Because I am gay,' just like that, I didn't stutter or say it quietly or avoid talking about it and it was a nice thing because he smiled and said that he felt like he'd gotten to know me a bit better.

Saying that you're gay very, very rarely gets a bad reaction. And when it does the person with the bad reaction is usually very closed minded or just a dick head and really it's better that they make themselves known. My confidence in asserting my gayness is helping me because I can talk about my dates freely and I don't have to be in a gay bar to talk to women. I used to only even think about trying to meet someone if I was in a gay bar because I was nervous and shy about what people would think about me. I'm still anxious and worried but I'm getting more and more comfortable in my own skin.

 Onwards to the next date!

[hannahgoesdating]

 BLOG 18.

People still like to say gay people aren’t born gay.

 Well here are the first 5 crushes of my life;

 April O’Niel (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) 1990 - So I was 5 or younger when I had a crush on her because I was born in 1991.

 Anastasia 1997- age 6

Hallie Parker (Lindsey Lohan) 1998 - age 7

Hannah Spearitt (S Club 7) 1998/2003 - age 7/12

Avril Lavigne 2002 - age 11

People are born gay and the sooner it’s accepted by EVERYONE the better.

Onwards to the next date bitches!

[hannahgoesdating]

Blog 17.

 I watched a television program that had characters that made art out of chronicling their lives. One of them was a graphic novelist that drew on his own personal experience and the other was a ‘selfie artist’. I suppose that is sort of what I’m doing here. Immortalising my experience of life. That sounds sort of over dramatic but it’s true. I’ve actually been doing it since 2014, keeping my own private journal and I still do that now, I write all the excess shit that wouldn’t fit in this blog. But it’s sort of liberating to do it publicly too. It’s nice to share experience I think. I love when I read something and think ‘Yeah I’ve been there,’ it puts a smile on my face but then on the other side of coin it’s always really cool to read something and think; ‘I never thought about it that way,’ or better yet; ‘Wow I never even thought about that’. It’s a learning curve.

 For example I was talking to this straight man who read a few entries to my blog and he said he really loved it because it was kind of like taking a peek into a life that he would never really know anything about otherwise. He said it was nice to understand things from a gay woman’s point of view beyond the stereotypes and shitty lesbian porn. Because let’s face it, if a guy doesn’t have a close lesbian friend he won’t get to know about all this stuff. He doesn’t think about these things and why should he? So I think it’s important that blogs like this one exist. Maybe what I’m doing isn’t quite art but it’s certainly something and it has meaning.

 But I think that about most things when people put there heart onto something physical, even down to your layperson’s Tumblr account. They reblog things that speak to them, whether its a celebrity they like or something political or even just a pair of boots they would love to own. They’re basically putting what is going on in their head out there into the world and that is so interesting. It’s nice to know what people really like when they aren’t editing it as to what they think is socially appropriate.  

 Being creative is exciting and therapeutic and actually I believe is very good for the soul. And definitely putting things down on paper or the screen when you aren’t sure about things it really helps. It helps your brain make sense of whatever’s happening. I know it helps me because dating is something that scares me because I have no idea what I’m doing. It’s nice to put it down so I can be like, right this is what I did, this is how I feel about it and now I know this is what I want. Or now I know what I need to do to get more out of this experience.

 That’s why I’m now dating more than one person, I have two first dates this week and I actually think that’s a good thing because in the past I’ve put all my eggs in one basket and it’s not good. I go out with one girl and she’s cool and then I focus on that and then when it doesn’t work out it’s the end of the world. And I really can’t have it being the end of the world every time dating doesn’t evolve into a relationship. It’s not healthy. I’m not for one second saying that I’m going to try and juggle multiple relationships because that’s not what I’m about at all. I want a girlfriend and she will be the only one. But right now I’m dating and it’s this big new world that I’ve been taking way to seriously and killing myself over and that’s not what dating is supposed to be about. It’s supposed to be about something new and light hearted and exciting, so until I find someone that I have a spark with I’m just going to talk to people, meet up with people, test the water. 

 Dating is just about meeting new people, it’s not about tying yourself to someone immediately. But the fun thing about dating is you don’t know what’s going to come out of it. Whether it’s meeting someone you could one day love or meeting someone who ends up being a life long friend or just having a life experience that teaches you something. You shouldn’t take anything serious until it’s real. You could destroy yourself that way and I’m done hurting myself by putting too much importance on things that don’t actually mean anything in the grand scheme of things.

So.

Onwards to the next date!

[hannahgoesdating]

Blog 16.

 I wish I had something interesting to report guys, not even 'I met the woman of my dreams and I'm at the start of my happily ever after', just something interesting and personal. Something a little bit more than me sitting here imagining what things would be like. Honestly for the past few days I've not really been thinking about love. Okay, that's a lie. I think about falling in love every single day. I'm like any other jaded person in their mid twenties; like the Colin Hay song says, 'I'm waiting for my real life to begin'.

  I'm almost twenty six and I really don't feel anything moving forward so I really need to figure out how I'm going to put my mark on this world. Maybe it will be in print, who knows, I guess I'm waiting for lightening to strike. That crystallising moment where I'll be like 'Eureka! Of course! This is why I'm here! This is what I need to do!' because right now I feel a little like a surplus human. I feel like I haven't experienced life as much as I should and I need to get the ball rolling in the right direction. But which direction is the right direction? That's the problem, how do you know what you're doing is right? How do you know it's the thing that you do with your life that ultimately makes you happy because you don't feel like you're wasting time anymore.

  I feel like I have a lot of wasted time in my life. And I know what people say, 'The view in hindsight is twenty, twenty' and they're right. I look back and just think if I had done even two things differently my life would be unrecognisable now. What are those two things?

Number one: Eliminate my anxiety. When I was eleven I began with a sleeping problem, that was the beginning of my anxiety. I wish I had been brave enough when I got to the end of secondary school to get help for it. I knew even then that the level of stress I was feeling wasn't completely normal. But everyone said I was just sensitive and I soldiered on through it. If I had gotten help for that problem at sixteen I would have done much better in sixth form and maybe I'd have gone to university or I'd be doing something cool and productive with my life now. Who could say?

Number two: Yes you guessed it, my sexuality. I wish I had been open about it much earlier, even when I was just questioning. But that is also related to my anxiety. If I didn't struggle with that as much I would be much more confident and confident people are much more open and sure and able to push themselves to experience new things.  I wouldn't be in the position I am now that's for sure.

  These are things I do know I want.

·         Travel

·         A job that allows me to be creative

·         Someone to share my life with

  I don't want anything extravagant. I just want to know that I have lived life properly and to the fullest.  I don't want to be thirty six and thinking I should have done something about it when I was twenty six. But the question is what and how do I go about this. The only thing I can think of is to keep putting myself in new situations. So that's what I will do.

  Onwards to the next date!

[hannahgoesdating]

Blog 15.

So, as you probably all expected my last endeavour went down the tools. Shocker. But what I will take from the situation is that I put myself out there, I made the moves and I was in control (or so I thought) I think that's what I need to take from this. Maybe I can't control everything but I should take control to the extent I can. I can ask a girl out and I can make the move to kiss her. I'm still that bitter lonely lesbian you've all grown to know (and love...I hope). But I have a new lease of life.

I'm not going to pretend I'm all sunshine and rainbows about it not working out, honestly it's damn frustrating. You think everything is going the way it should and then BAM! Road block. I won't bore you with the details but I have a sneaking suspicion she went back to her ex. Ah well! C'est la vie.

But now I have a new determination to make something work, people keep telling me to put myself out there and I have. But I don't think I've been trying as hard as I profess I have. And so without further ado I've been talking to as many girls as I can online on multiple dating sites/apps. Casting a wide net if you will. And finally I have made a gay friend who I get along with and I can go out to gay bars with him and it will be much easier. There will be no having to persuade him to go, no feeling a little embarrassed because it's obvious I'm looking for someone. And I pledge to myself when I am in said clubs I'm not just going to stick with my friends, I'm going to talk to people, I'm going to try to flirt, even though, God help me I don't have a seductive bone in my body. I'm going to turn over a new leaf, instead of pining over what I don't have, I'm going to look at it a little bit less seriously.

So, that's it for now.

Onwards to the next date!

[hannahgoesdating]

Blog 14.

 I just realised that I posted my thirteenth post about going on a date, wasn’t that a bad idea? I mean thirteen, the bad luck number...

 But actually the date went really well we just sat in bars for seven and a half hours talking. That’s a good sign in my book. She even drove me home (she only had three ciders in all those hours) I wanted so badly to kiss her, but it chickened out, I was so mad with myself but happy at the same time. I liked her and she seemed to like me too. We’d never met before and we managed to talk for almost eight hours. I even geeked out about theatre and musicals and talked about things like nursery rhymes and why I think it was Anne Hathaway who was the real Bard. She liked it. She said she liked to see someone passionate about something. 

 I think I could actually end up dating this girl for real and that’s scary as fuck because that means I might be having sex soon. So here we go again, I’m freaking out about my body again and if I’ll be any good. I’m so scared that it’s going to be embarrassing and it’s going to put me off sex all over again. I really have struggled with it my whole life and I know everyone does. It’s a big deal though, you’re literally sharing your body with someone else. You take off the things that cover your modesty and let it all hang out in front of someone who may or may not be important to you. It’s a big step and I used to try to imagine myself doing it. Back then I used to try to imagine myself doing it with a boy and I never could. I knew the mechanics of it, I understood all about contraception and why lots of people bleed their first time. But there was this wall in my brain that I didn’t want to push through. But the older I got I felt like I needed to, because I wasn’t getting past me low self esteem and no one was staying with me. I learned like a lot of young girls do, people don’t stay just because you give it up.But I got through sleeping with men, painfully and begrudgingly and as mechanically as I’d thought about it before I did it.

 Now I might be having sex with a woman soon and I feel like a virgin all over again and I’m freaking out again because of my body and this time I don’t get to just lay there while it’s happening to me. I have to be a real participant and I know I’m gunna want to but at the same time I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.

 That is fucking scary!

 But saying all that, lets see if we even get to the point of having sex hey?

Onwards to the next date!!!!! 

[hannahgoesdating]

Blog 13.

 I'm getting out there a bit more after my adventure kissing a stranger. I've gotten back on it with my swiping right on Tinder and my hearting people on HER. I went on a date with a girl who turned out didn't look anything like her picture and I talked to a couple of others. I don’t really tell anyone about it because it makes me feel flippant. Maybe I am, but I think I need to be. I keep putting all my eggs in one basket and then getting disappointed when it doesn't work out. The best way to remedy getting hurt before I even get into a relationship is to not take things so seriously. 

 I’m going on another date tomorrow, the girl seems more my type than any other girl I’ve dated thus far though. She likes science and 90′s movies. I’m trying not to put too much expectation on it though. She seems to be pretty good on paper and she seems reliable when it comes to texting but that doesn’t mean we’re going to click when we meet in person. 

 The girl I kissed a few weeks ago has been texting me again as well, but I’m not sure she’s right for me. I don’t remember being at all enamoured with her on the night we met other than enjoying the fact I had someone to kiss and hold hands with. In fact, I can remember thinking more than once that she was immature. She was pretty flaky when it came to texting that first week but then she was asking me out a couple of weeks after that and then telling me she couldn’t afford to meet for a couple of drinks. Today she texts me ‘Happy Valentines’ and then tells me she’s quit her new job. She seems to be blowing hot and cold and I don’t know why I’m still holding on. Maybe it’s because it’s a new feeling for a girl to seemingly be into me. Whatever it is, I don’t think she’s right for me. So I need to tell her that right? but I don’t know if I can yet. I don’t think I’m ready.

 Dating seems like that computer game where you have click on the blank squares and find the pairs. When you first start you’re clueless and you have no idea if there is even a pair to match the first square, but you move systematically through the board anyway because that’s the way the game works. I haven’t turned over the right square yet, but the more I overturn, the more it is likely that I will turn over the right one.

 Onwards to the next date!