happinessahoy-blog

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Veggie tales.

Still on the veggie thing. Still freezing cold. Still tired as all hell. Still sluggish and gross. I did not feel like this on zero carb....

And I’ve been eating CLEAN. No dairy, mostly raw, lots of greens.... I’m telling you... CLEAN.

I miss my zero carb. Gonna talk to my doctor on the 28th about going back. It’s been rough.

Even my mood is taking a toll. I’m barely breaking 1000 calories a day. It’s been rough.

[happinessahoy-blog]

Diet day 3 and smoking

I’m freezing. Tired and definitely not eating enough. This is why vegans are all underweight- how does one eat 1200 minimum of leafy greens?!

I also started smoking a lot again. I missed it. And it’s definitely my “go to” when I’m feeling stressed.

I got my period from the diet change. Damn hormones.

I’m just a wreck right now. My days are dragging. I’m cold and tired and cranky. At least today’s Friday. But what’s a weekend?

[happinessahoy-blog]

Day 1. The avocado wasn’t eaten. But a bowl of broccoli and 2 hamburgers were consumed in addition to what you see here today. Tomorrow will be avocado, a hamburger, broccoli, and whatever other produce I can grab.

[happinessahoy-blog]

True love is finding someone who can comfort you just as well as a long book, a hot bath, and a tall cup of tea.

- Kristen Costello

[happinessahoy-blog]

being my friend means you never have to apologize for texting back late. you can respond four days late or drop off in the middle of a slow conversation and that’s okay! i know you’re busy or tired or just don’t have the energy to text anymore. you can hang up a phone call and start texting me instead. it’s so hard to do social interaction. i get it. send me a meme once a week so i know you’re alive. i love you.

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Behaving is overrated 🤷‍♀️😈💅🏻💋

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It’s important to be yourself, but what if being you is the very thing that destroys you?

-My mind

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‘Oly ‘ell.

Woke up at 4:30a (its now 7a) hating myself. I woke up out of a deep sleep, leaking tears with sobs caught in my chest... who makes up just to hate themselves?

I cried. I looked in the mirror, reminded myself how disgusting I was. Inside and out. Disgusting. Gross. Wrong. Stupid. Mean. Nauseating.

Normally, this would lead to a binge. Which would make me hate myself more and then I’d embark on that familiar, intimate week long journey. Me and my binging go a way back.

But today, this morning was different. I did yoga. I did yoga and cried while I did it. I listened to positive affirmations and repeated them to myself. I thought of things I’m grateful for- my child, our health (however dwindling mine is), Mr. Wonderful, his adoration and love for me, regardless of how disgusting I am, and my family for being so darn supportive of me and my offspring.

I did 35 mins of yoga... I had tears leaking down my face for all 35, plus the 15 that I laid there on the floor when the flow was over. Then I ate zero carb and I did homework.

.....

No binge.

NO BINGE.

Binge?! NOPE.

I didn’t fcking binge. I didn’t eat a fucking carb. I stayed true. I changed my natural reaction. I fucking did it. One small fucking step and I’ll be taking these steps for the rest of my damn life and it’ll be worth the struggle and tears and self hatred every step. FUCK YOU, DEPRESSED BRAIN. FUCK YOUR CARB ADDICTION. FUCK YOU FOR RUINING MY LIFE. FUCK YOU.

I’m taking my fucking life back. And I’ll do it tears streaming down my face and coffee in hand.

[happinessahoy-blog]

Saturday.

Saturday can’t come soon enough. Wrapped in Mr. Wonderfuls arms, being kissed, held, and generally adored and loved by this man is like... everything.

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You look like pure radiance and every time I think I cannot love you any more than I already do, you go ahead and laugh or smile or say something and I go shit. I love her so much more now.

2 am confession

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Sick

Mr. Wonderful was sick. He’s all over me again. I was in his lap last night. Soooo happy. He was kissing my head and taking all my nuzzles and it was perfection.

He even made me cum about 12 times. After the second time, I grabbed his arm and said “please no” and he looked at me and said “get your hand off my arm, NOW”. I cried for the rest of the orgasms. They were such a sweet pain.

He’s my favorite ever and I want him forever and I just can’t stand to be without him. He makes me laugh and makes me cum and I really don’t know what more a girl needs!

[happinessahoy-blog]

Change.

Okay. This is it, guys. I am in so much pain that I’m finally gonna set this change up. I will move out, in two years. I will buy my own place. I will get a $3 raise by next January. I will start lifting heavy, and I will start eating 3lbs of meat a day again. I will get my bachelors and I will succeed and make it out here. By myself.

I will prove to people like Mr. Wonderful that I CAN DO THIS.

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The worst distance between two people is misunderstanding.

Law of Attraction

(via

kushandwizdom

)