hatefulbread

[hatefulbread]

favorite february author

february was a tough month for me overall. despite feeling quite isolated (and all of my own doing), i still found slivers of sunlight.

i went off the rails of my planned tbr list too many times, and found myself strolling to and from the library much more than usual. in these darkening times, supporting vital institutions is highly important, so i've put a halt on my book spending for the moment to support my local library.

this halt in spending also has me listening to more audiobooks than usual, running to spotify when my library doesn't have what i'd hoped for. originally, this bothered me as i've mentioned that i often struggle with audiobooks due to my auditory processing disorder, but this time, it introduced me to olivia gatwood. her book, "whoever you are, honey" was in my recommended section, and i was hooked within the first five minutes. the narration is gorgeously executed, and the story left me feeling... perhaps a little angry-- not because of any artistic issue on the writing side, but because of the story as a whole. in one sentence, i'll describe it as; "men would rather create a femme bot to cater to their every whim than go to therapy."

then, it occurred to me that i had another book by gatwood on my own bookshelf; "life of the party", a poetry collection whose theme revolves around violence against women and nonmale people and it just... hit. so hard. so, very, painfully hard, even harder when you realize how much of it resonates either for you or someone you love or someone you barely know.

both these books from gatwood left me speechless, ruminating... angry at the world for allowing these things to happen, and in some circumstances, encouraging them, too.

by far my favorite reads for february.

[hatefulbread]

winter solstice by nina maclaughlin

5/5 stars.

this book came at the perfect time.

a new friend graciously lent me this collection of essays after a glazed conversation about new found seasonal depression. this season has been a hard one for me, and this is coming from someone who typically loves both the dark and the cold.

maybe there's something about getting older that has made me detest the winter. my city no longer receives heavy snow, i don't go sledding down my neighborhood hill anymore and retire to a swiss miss hot chocolate. there's so much lost childlike wonder as you get older, and the winter is now the heaviest reminder of that to me.

this collection was beautiful, not only in the way it described chilling downward spiral, but also in winter nostalgia. i haven't thought of windowsill candles since i was a child, nor have i reminisced sledding downhill on antique toboggans. this book made me reflect on all the things i've stopped doing in the winter that once made me feel giddy. i no longer make hot chocolate and watch the santa clause. i no longer invite friends over for chicken pot pie and boardgames. i no longer watch the stars on a crisp, cold night, wrapped in camp blanket after camp blanket.

wherever you are, i hope this winter has given you grace. these are tough times, and with the dark feeling darker than ever, it's hard to light a candle bright enough to see. here's hoping we can all find that light and warmth for the remainder, and carry ourselves into spring's near embrace.

[hatefulbread]

black sheep by rachel harrison

3/5 stars... for now.

i don't have many strong feelings about this one. it was fine, it was pleasant enough to finish. it wasn't special. it didn't make my mind race or slow down, in fact, i forgot i was listening to it many times and would have to rewind.

i've been knitting nonstop this last week, so i decided to indulge in an audiobook while my hands were busy. i'm not anti-audiobook, but i'm not exactly pro either. with my auditory processing disorder, i can find it hard to fully digest what's been read to me, and the voice itself makes it more difficult because depending, there are just some voices that make my skin crawl. idk how to explain why, they just do.

the characters didn't feel very dimensional at all, and i often found myself angry with how little growth they all had, if any. there were handfuls upon handfuls of plot holes, especially in the end when we reach our 'resolution'. our main character, vesper, is constantly vowing not to do something.... and then immediately does it. it was annoying.

the one thing i did like was how harrison introduced the religion as satanism. for a little while, you hear vesper describe her upbringing as "extremely religious", and the way she describes traditions/beliefs makes you think of devout catholicism and evangelism. if you read this blind and didn't read the synopsis, you would spit out your drink at the drop of "satanists" after the first few chapters. it was a nice parallel on how extreme religion (aka, a cult) is terrible whether it's a christian one or a satanist one. that was clever.

[hatefulbread]

today's the day... 1/20/25

it's inaugural day. i'm sure many of us are sitting on our phones, anxiously awaiting noon.

yesterday, i tried my best to ignore the articles flooding in about tr*mp's "victory rally", but there were so many that it was unavoidable. there are a million things i can talk about right now, things that disgusted me yesterday, things that disgust me today... but instead i want to chat about something more important.

us.

regardless of where you stand on the political tightrope, this upcoming administration is going to affect you. working class, lqbtqia+, woman, immigrant, bipoc, disabled. veteran, even. we're all going to face hardship unimaginable in our lifetimes. the oligarch is moving inside the white house today. there is no avoiding it when it has it's own office.

this isn't a time to nestle your fear, this is a time to feed your awareness. things are going to happen quickly and swiftly. this isn't the 1930's where people were tracked down solely by tip-off's and good luck. we're all immediately trackable. everything we say and do is coursing through the framework of our phones and laptops, even this blog.

we need to stay focused. study. don't believe everything you hear until you've researched it. conservative media, liberal media, moderate media. it's our job to digest it all and find the truth, because they will all be biased. they will all hide something.

this is one of my favorite books i own, especially this graphic version. it tells us step-by-step what to expect in the uprising of fascism in the government; what we can do to stay safe and present. my favorite chapter is 11.

investigate.

"figure things out for yourself. spend more time with long articles. subsidize investigative journalism by subscribing to print media. realize that some of what is on the internet is there to harm you. learn about sites that investigate propaganda campaigns (some of which come from abroad). take responsibility for what you communicate with others." pg. 64.

i am so thankful for the environment my parents raised me in. we didn't have much, but they were adamant about teaching their kids to use critical thinking before coming to a conclusion. they taught us to always trust a pattern, even when it looks like a wild card too-good-to-be-true enters the game. be skeptical. ask questions.

i won't drone on any further. but please, please, please- investigate everything you hear for yourself. do not take what you hear as fact until you've seen it peer reviewed, sourced, and/or fact-checked across several trustworthy news outlets. fox and cnn are not news sources i would ever categorize as trustworthy. go forth with that, as you will.

other incredible books that will help us during this time:

"how to be an antiracist" by ibram x. kendi

"gay berlin" by robert beachy

"strongmen: mussolini to the present" by ruth ben-ghiat

"who's afraid of gender?" by judith butler

"it can't happen here" by sinclair lewis

"how fascism works" by jason stanley

"white fragility" by robin diangelo

and many, many more, upon request.

stay safe. organize. be critical, and let your anger be your guide.

[hatefulbread]

9 BOOKS I PLAN TO READ IN 2025 📚

tagged by @stormsouls <3

these are a few i've been saving for the new year and i can't wait to dig into them.

tagging @f0llowyourheart , still building my community of follows to share with ':)

[hatefulbread]

our wives under the sea by julia armfield

3.75/5 stars.

***some spoilers in describing the end plot! read with caution.

i wanted and still want to give this book 5 stars, and perhaps i will come back and do just that after the ending digests a little more.

notable quotes that i'm still ruminating on;

"...the error in my reasoning was to assume that alone was somewhere you could go, rather than somewhere you had to be left."

"standing on the edge, i could feel it. the chill of the air, aching to become something else."

"when you stop underreacting, the horror is unique because it is, unfortunately, endless."

"...most things we believe will turn out to be ridiculous in the end."

our two narrators are miri and leah, a married (wlw!!! <3) couple who seem to live a very normal life. miri deals with a job that's unfulfilling and leaves her bored, leah struggles with cleaning up after herself, they have inconsiderate upstairs neighbors who blast game show TV at ungodly hours in the morning... this norm changes when leah, a marine biologist, is assigned to go on a 3-week-long research trip into the depths of the ocean. neither miri nor leah bat an eye at this, as leah often goes on trips for semi-long periods of time. but after 3 weeks and no leah, miri starts to spiral into numbness without her. after 5 months and no leah, miri starts to believe leah is dead. after 6 months, leah finally returns, horrifically changed and reluctant to talk. she spends her days soaking in the bath, craving copious amounts of salt, and not leaving the apartment. eventually, grotesque things start happening to leah's body, but she refuses to seek help. miri is jolted into even more loneliness with leah back than when she was gone. trying to piece together what happened to leah in those 6 months of being stranded in that submarine, we watch leah succumb to her unknown experience, and miri accept that the woman she loves has become a completely different person.

this book is painstakingly beautiful. the writing is unmatched. i've never been left sobbing by so many chapter closings. the way armfield writes the two narrators differing perspectives per chapter is so exact; it's still armfield in her gorgeous, poetic capture of grief-- but it's also miri... and it's also leah. she so wonderfully executes the way these two describe their experiences, every little difference they have is so obvious. miri's voice is miri's voice, leah's is so completely leah's. many author's struggle to capture the difference in character voice when writing in such a way, but armfield has mastered it.

for all the shivering prose this book brought, i felt unsatisfied with the ending. i understood why miri was led to do what she did (trying not to spoil too much), that was very clear and well justified. but i wanted to know EXACTLY!!! what happened to leah in that submarine in this way-> WHY was she physically changing, did miri and juna ever find out, where did the centre go, what happened to matteo? there were a lot of loose ends i think should have been tied up before closing this story out, and that is the ONLY thing i didn't love.

feelings;// heartbreak, loneliness, isolation, reluctance, acceptance.

[hatefulbread]

what if...?

i'm halfway through this beautiful book and what i can say so far, is that i know it will destroy me.

after falling asleep amid many chapters, i 've woken up every morning this week feeling an urgent need to write my friends. most have wandered to different parts of the country in these last few years, and after deleting all my meta apps -with the most important to me being instagram-, i realized that i'm thinking more about the important things. with this lacking glimpse into my friends lives, i've felt more at a loss because i realize that even with social media, i didn't know how or what they were truly doing anyway. and i want to know what they're deeply doing. not what their breakfast looks like or how they've decorated their offices. i want to know how waking up made them feel, what goals they've hyperfixated on, who their heart is grappling over, what childhood memory controls their cravings. 

social media is a scrooge, in this way. i don't want to interact with my friend's curated selves anymore, i want to speak with them in both of our most vulnerable states. letters on a random tuesday, 2 hour phone calls on saturday mornings... remember when we had home phones and would call our friends after homework, how we weren't worried about sounding messy or revealing too much? i want that. maybe i should get a landline.

so this morning, in my mission to exhale into slowness, i wrote more of my friends snail mail and released my most bottled up thoughts and hushed dreams.

the world will crumble whether we're running, walking, or sitting. we might as well slow down and enjoy something. <3

[hatefulbread]

introduction

hello to anyone reading or following along! my name is addison, and i'm here to blog my little heart out about books.

i am 28, a southern born and bred queer poet, a lover of specialty coffee, and a big fan of trying any hobby that i can.

i love to gab, i love to love, i love to be tender. i hope those reading can find comfort, relation, and inspiration from my future posts.

this community is for anyone who loves to read, wants to read, or just likes to analyze reviews without the reading at all. though this page will be primarily for books, it will also be a space for personal essays and experiences, especially revolving around queerhood.

thanks for reading. let's start a revolution <3

[hatefulbread]

january feels and reads

it's a cold southern morning where i am, and getting started has been more difficult than i can grasp.

this winter reminds me of the winters i grew up with; freezing nights, not a week goes by without flurries or freezing rain, oil radiators at the ready for when the heat pump can't keep up. we haven't had a winter like this in over 12 years and it makes me wonder if i was this reluctant to get out of my warm bed as an adolescent.

when it's this cold in the morning, snow piled on the ground right outside my window, all i want is to curl up under my calico quilt with a serene book and a velvet latte. it feels criminal to give up this simple want to log into a laptop and stare at spreadsheets for hours on end. especially when the sun goes down at 5pm.

i spoke with my mom for some time last night about this seasonal dip in energy and fervor. everyone i speak to these days feels the same. it makes me wonder what our lives would be like if society would just let us hibernate for a single season. don't we deserve it?

anyway- i came here to share my upcoming reads with you, not drone on about the winter sorrows.

upcoming reads for this month;

1. 'our wives under the sea' by julia armfield

2. 'butter' by asako yuzuki

3. 'the sentence' by louise erdrich

4. 'the end of the world is a cul de sac' by louise kennedy

i often read multiple books at once so my adhd can wander as it pleases. i couldn't tell you how i'm able to keep up with them all, especially because reading is the only thing i can do this with.

i woke to a sweet comment on my first post from someone searching for a new platform for community, as am i. as many of us are aware, tiktok is going away within a few days. i am one of many who found such amazing community on that app, both in the booktok community and the sapphic community. i feel so upset with our government for having to let go of such a shaping part of my personhood, all under the guise of national security. we're losing our ability to see raw and real news in real time and i hope we can all take a stand to reject this censorship.

i'm confident we can all find that community somewhere else, though it may take time. none of us are new to trial and error, so persist, we shall. perhaps tumblr will be that community for us. perhaps perhaps perhaps. see you soon.

[hatefulbread]

ripe by sarah rose etter

5/5 stars.

the first book to start off this new year was possibly one of the gravest i could have chosen.

it's beautifully horrific not in the way that thriller's or horror novels are, but in the mundane. we are living this life right as we breathe.

set in the rise of the 2019/2020 COVID pandemic, we follow along with our MC, cassie. she's from a small-town where she had an average-level rebellion in her adolescence. as she grows older, she works harder -like many of us do-, and eventually moves across the country for a well-sought-after tech job.

the issue? it's in one of the most expensive cities in the country with one of the highest percentages of unhoused people. why is that a problem? do you even have to ask?

cassie is catapulted into a world that far outpaces the one she's lived her entire life in. she succumbs to unhealthy drug use just to battle her day-to-day workload, struggles to meet people she can relate to, and is consistently overworked and verbally abused by her bosses.

set during a time that was filled with so much civil unrest -i.e.; pandemic, housing crisis, extreme economic inflation-, we see cassie decline rapidly into financial scarcity, familial disaffection, romantic abandonment, and platonic loneliness.

consumed by her depression, -described as this blackhole that has followed her since childhood- we follow cassie and her struggles with everyday life as a young professional, spiraling into a reality she cannot escape.

feelings of;// grief, hopelessness, worry, dispossession.

this book made me feel utterly seen, but not in a comforting way. i spent the following 24 hours sobbing uncontrollably at the desk of my own corporate job, recognizing the similarities of my own world and cassie's -sans the drugs-. it occurred to me that the world hasn't improved much in these last 4-5 years, and will continue to decline further into corporate greed until the working class doesn't even exist anymore.

not the best book to start off the new year with if you're wanting more hope in your life.

OR the best book to start off the new year if you feel lost in your late 20's. just don't expect it to give you an anecdote.

[hatefulbread]

a new space for sharing.

hello! if you're seeing this, then you are likely a friend of mine aware that i'm leaving all meta platforms in search for something more intentional and softhearted. literature consumes much of me; writing it, reading it, living it. words have always been a vital bone in my body.

i've never considered creating and maintaining a blog, but perhaps that is exactly what this year will be for me. an archive of my most treasured side, if you will.

so here is to the upcoming year that is promising uncertainty in its villianhood. join me in my uncapitalized shares, and cursing my shift keys that decided to say goodbye for this new year.