hiranmae - Tumblr blog

[hiranmae]

I made a few more artworks ✨️

I just forgot to post them...

[hiranmae]

Tales of Love 

I wrote something while listening to Lyn Lapid's song, "the alternative" so I kinda decided to include it in my writing :)

Feelings… always so complicated

A heart… always so delicate

Scars… always so deep

And in the end is me, trying not to hurt any one of these.

The look in their eyes shows overwhelming emotions: respect, care and adoration. A bond unbreakable by outside forces. Words unspoken more than unsaid. But is that truly the case?

There’s a chance that this plane’s going down

But I don’t wanna stay on the ground

Expectations unclear, these conversations they never had bearing down on them. As to each their own, they saw different. Where one saw their life, their future, their everything. The other saw a true friend. 

Since I found myself another half

Part of me says, “Don’t get too attached”

Unpleasant conversation, words that he wished would have remained unsaid. Bitter rejection filling his mouth. Days pass by but the bitter feeling never past him. Yet still the same look in his eyes but now guised as friendliness. Labels he thought, so insignificant… he did not need these labels to show what he felt. 

In dim lights: a calm silence. A comfort outlived its welcome, one that was waiting to be broken. They sat there, in each other’s company. The scent of warm coffee inviting them to relax… Expectations unclear, these conversations they didn’t dare have unknowingly bearing down on them. As to each their own, they saw different. Where one hoped for their future, their life, their everything yet were aware it was just about to shatter. The other saw a true friend. 

What if time’s gonna number our days

Guess my heart’s gonna break, either way

Unpleasant conversations, words that she wished would have remained unheard. Bitter rejection filled her heart. The distance between their souls parallels their distance in life. In his eyes that always saw another, she hoped to find herself one day. She knew it was in vain, those eyes had never looked at her in the past few years… they wouldn’t suddenly be attracted to her. It was her fault, she had hoped but what else could she do. The bitterness wouldn’t go away even if she hadn’t tried.

Love is a risk

But what’s the alternative?

Lying in bed all day… Loneliness surrounds your existence like a warm blanket. It was comforting, a solitude in existence. Voice raspy due to lack of use, like a rusty machine. In the confines of the house, be yourself. Outside, a facade… A hole in your heart, waiting to be filled by someone you can let in. Everyday you watch the stories of others and console your heart by saying “at least it’s not bitter”.

Maybe sleeping at night all alone

Going it all on my own

(The song is “the alternative” by Lyn Lapid)

by Hiranmae~

[hiranmae]

keep walking on

A lost hour; lost to a confused mind.  He drifts about, wandering never resting He goes on until he tires itself And then he will come to a stop. But no one has seen him rest, at least until now Choo Choo; a loud whistle Arises from inside “This is your stop. Please get off!” Yelled out the boisterous blue blob.  A little circle blob with black spots Walked right out It’s posture straight, it’s head up high It strides through the night A little black suitcase in its hand as it whistled by. Time is a busy man, no thing dares disturb him… As he passes by, it rains Words of contempt pouring out of the sky “If only I had more time!” “Why is this day moving so slow?” “I just wanna go back…” Thousands of silver little stick figures follow after him Tugging at his leg, pulling at his pants Begging for attention But he doesn’t turn back He continues along his path… A confused mind with no destination decided And it goes on forever, as it always will.

by Hiranmae~

[hiranmae]

Selcouth

Siúil, a Rún siúl i bhfad ar shiúl rith chun farraige áit éigin nach féidir liom fiach

Short silver hair and tiny rosy cheeks, she was a treasure- one that I can’t keep. I saved her from villains, or so I’d like to believe. Since I might be her demise and the one to make her weep. 

I am a monster, I was cursed by the depth. Once cursed it was my destiny to continue this legacy and curse others. I believe I was evil, I did horrible things. Why else would I have been one of the first to be tainted by those harrowing springs?

A white rose, amongst the black crows. They will tear her apart, rip her to pieces. So I abstained, and I grabbed her from that burning house and those riveting flames.

And as if the world was being ripped apart as I was told- she was the one to curse me. She was my obsidian gold.

I saw in her, the child I lost. The family that burned away, as I convulsed on the concrete floor with a precious child ripping at my throat.

by Hiranmae

[hiranmae]

Unchanging Forever

A transcending darkness looms over me. Lost in my precious memories, I live free.

I can't help but be enamoured by people and things that are out of reach.

Voices echo in my mind, pooling in the depths of my soul. I try my best to keep them out. 

Sometimes I feel like being a boat in a flowing river. Unmoving on its own, yet being moved around by the surroundings. 

Sometimes I want to be a cloud. Just an entity composed of tiny little particles floating away.

Change is inevitable, that is a rule of life… yet I wish not to change and stay, just like this for eternity. I want to grow but not change. I want to be the stillness in the chaos.

However, it's not that simple. Everyday, I see people around me slowly turning into different people. Their faces, their thoughts, their mannerisms evolving and morphing into one.

I see them change, yet I am the same. 

by Hiranmae

[hiranmae]

Closer Than This

Saturday night, when we met. On those glittering roads with the electrifying energy that filled our souls. On those crowded streets that sang to us deeply and made sure we heard every word. On those pathways that guided us there yet led us astray as we roamed without a destination in mind.

I wanted to tell you something. In fact, I wanted to tell you everything. Every tiny little detail about my life, every thought I ever had, everything I felt- I wanted to share it with you.

But I was scared; scared of being judged and misunderstood. I was scared of being disliked by you because at the end of the day we were just two people whose lives crashed into each other by chance. 

I tried my best to start conversations. But as soon as you spoke and our gazes met, my thoughts got stuck in the maze that were your eyes. All I wished for was that you would continue, your pointless chatter on our meaningless walks to our endless path and I would cherish every second of it.

Unfortunately for me, you were the same. Thoughts you couldn't share in fear of being judged by me and I wanted to tell you that I would never ever think badly of you but… I couldn't. I couldn’t even convince myself to speak up, how was I supposed to make you?

My only wish that day was left incomplete. We lost our way from our endless path and came across a dead end. Our conversation stood still and our thoughts died out. I wanted to be closer than this but our reservations won the battle.

by Hiranmae

[hiranmae]

“women are so hard to please these days”

personalized playlists??

hand written love letters??

pizza + movie nights??

forehead kisses??

words of endearment??

late night walks + talks??

loyalty??

picnics??

watch the stars, sunrise, or sunset??

cook/bake together??

flowers??

cuddles???

[hiranmae]

loved painting this icon

considering doing commissions :)

[hiranmae]

♡

my favorite art pieces i've made in 2023 buy a wallpaper or leave a tip / twitter / instagram / shop 

[hiranmae]

Love Long Lost

Walking down the narrow stairwell, I stepped down dragging my steps behind me. The grey walls and wooden stairs seemed just a little more pale than I remembered. The twilight sun penetrated my skin and seemed just a little more harsh than I remembered. It was probably just the medicine, I always had a hard time adjusting to its dosage. Reaching the end of the stairwell, I proceeded to make my way to the best spot in the house, at least according to me. The faded purple and green coloured my precious walls. These were very expensive wallpapers gifted to me by my dearest. I ran my hands against the wall as I passed by; a ritual of mine. My dearest, he had pretty hands and he was also much neater than all those hooligans. He always bought the most expensive and rare things for me. I always felt like he was a bit too protective of me, but I guess that was due to my fragile state…

I gently rubbed my hands together, observing the brown spots that they were littered with. The spots that were a depiction of my deteriorating health since I arrived here. A tiny brown sofa in the corner of the room, meticulously placed such as it oversees the whole living room. Small peacock green cushions were haphazardly placed on the sofa. I sat on the couch and waited for my dear to come back home. I don’t know how long I waited there, time seemed just a little slower than I remembered. 

Bright light sunk in through the door as my dearest walked in. He looked happier today, happier than he always was. The past few days were extremely stressful for him, especially with my deteriorating health. The blissfulness of seeing him relieved made my face bloom. I could almost feel my cheeks blush. I called out to my love, as I brushed the invisible dust off my robe. But he didn’t look at me… I was used to being treated like that at times he was upset but this time he looked so happy. In fact it seemed like he didn’t even notice me. I ran after him and tried to grab his hand…

I couldn’t. I couldn’t touch him, my hand simply passed through. I grasped at my chest in shock, only to notice that something was different. It was weird. I couldn’t feel my heartbeat. I walked over to the mirror in the hallway. I couldn’t see myself in it, not even a faint outline. I was gone? I ran back to my room, my legs trembling and my body shuddering. 

In my bed, sunken deep inside the sheets, I found my cold unmoving body. The brown spots on my hands were darker and were all over my body. Watching myself on the bed knocked the breath out of me and I fell to the ground. Was I dead? So unexpectedly? But then why do I still feel my stomach twist and cramp every other second? Why do I feel the bile rising up my throat but still staying in the same place?

My dearest walked into my room. I stared at him, expecting him to yell out and scream and cry for me. But he just stood there, an expressionless face, as his eyes gazed upon my peaceful body. Why was he smiling at my demise? Slowly his face deformed into a smile, and my heart shattered into a million pieces. My love stared back at me, his true ugliness visible in its true form. From behind him entered a few men in suits. He ordered them to clean up the room. 

“Make sure you get rid of everything here. Especially that ugly green, I wouldn’t want to be affected by that curse of hers. Only that fool would sleep in a room laced with arsenic.”

Is that why my darling sleeps in a different room? He said that I was sick and needed peace. But I can’t believe it was him after all. I feel pain, I want to cry, but I can’t cry. I can’t even do anything to him, I can’t even yell or scream at him. I will forever be his silent victim. Unable to complain due to the constraints of death. I hate it. Betrayal is bitter and sticky. I try to wash it off but it only stays and starts stinking even more. Defeat is even worse. Having to exist with the knowledge that I can’t do anything to that man stings like being burned alive. I wish I could come back, even if it was just to destroy him- the only man who kept me company.

by Hiranmae

[hiranmae]

pretty neuv ~~

✧ suddenly the rain stops ✧