hydetheghost

[hydetheghost]

Ich vermisse ihn wie die Hölle. Aber. Er wird zwar nicht mein Untergang sein, aber zuschauen während ich untergehe. Mit RedBull und Sonnenbrille.

Und ich trank immer aus seiner Tasse, in der Hoffnung ihn damit herbei beschwören zu können. Die Kaffee-Pause mit ihm verbringen zu können. Er kam nicht. Ich trank den Kaffee allein. Mit seiner Tasse.

"Du siehts verdammt gut aus in rot...es steht dir. Denke ich..."

[hydetheghost]

"Man kann es niemandem recht machen." The quote says "You can't please everyone", but in reality it is "You can't please ANYONE"...not even yourself.

By the way, when I'm "sad", I smoke, want some too? I'm not "sad" because you said **it**, but sad because it's true.

(Psst, she can come anytime, when she's here...I'm doomed (like everytime))

[hydetheghost]

You're chasing something that cannot be chased. You know that, right? So, give up.

[hydetheghost]

I want to......None of this makes any sense.

And I find myself suffocating.

I don't understand why people become parents.

The thought of parenting makes me suicidal.

I can't breathe.

The stress is overwhelming. The sensation is too much.

Why do people want to do this shit voluntarily.

Why do people bring this hell upon themself.

I hate you, mom.

The worst decision you ever made is to bring children.

To bring us.

I will forever haunt you.

I won't leave you without any regrets nor pain.

I will make you remorseful.

Since the day you made the decision.

I'm not helpful. And I'm useless.

I'm a dorn in your eye.

But it's your fault.

And I will make you pay.

(From: Bloody Motherhood)

[hydetheghost]

It's actually tiring as fuck to be weird.

The music in my headphones is the only thing that prevents me from going insane.

Avoid the weird looks. Avoid the judging looks.

Am I really world's strangest person?

Why do you make me feel this way?

[hydetheghost]

and all the birthday cakes now have a bitter aftertaste.

birthdays are not the same as they were before.

humilitation and drama always swing with it.

food never fails to make me feel worthless, to make me feel down.

food always succeeds to make me hate myself.

every time, every day.

[hydetheghost]

she knows the truth and it fucking sucks.

i believe things wont be the same as they were before.

"do me this, before i die." ... i dont know whats worse, rlly

youre...pissing me so off, honestly.

you never fail to make me feel like shit. never.

i dont know how to recover from this. maybe, i never will

may, so it seems, is the month of "losing dogs"

but youve been so long with me, my beloved

she wants to take you away from me and this hurts

im not ready to let go, and she doesnt hestiaste to make drama

ive asked myself so many times "where to go?"

medusa, huh? it turned out to be atlas. truth? uncovered.

the devil gave her hints, the devil whispered my name into her ears.

now im sure i wont recover from this

and even tough i smile like a jerk and joke around

the scar stay inside and it hurts like hell

i cut my hair and played my rounds

but inside they remain, the unhealed wounds.

how to go next? im so unsure and so insecure

only a matter of time, she calls me again and hell starts anew.

sigh, i would like to stop, only if i knew...

[hydetheghost]

imnotgonnaeatimnotgonnaeatimnotgonnaeatimnotgonnaeatimnotgonnaeatimnotgonnaeatimnotgonnaeatimnotgonnaeatidcwhatmomsaysimnotgonnaeatidcwhatmomsaysmomonywantsmegtogetfatmomonlywantsmetogetfatjustlikeherimnotgonnaeat

listen,kid.

youre gonna go to the garden w ur mom.

youre gonna watch her eat.

the kugelhupf, the tiramusu, the cookies.

the carbs, the sugar, the fat.

while you drink your water. while you eat air.

she offers you, you say "no". she forces you, you refuse.

my choice, not yours. my body, not yours.

i'll stay empty, clean, skinny.

i will not give up, i will not give in.

sweets are my weakness, but i will win.

no, mom. nonononono...

[hydetheghost]

shes a rebel shes a rebel <3

i saw the silly girl yesterday...but i dont think she remembers me

i saw her w someone else tho...what was i thinking lmao

wish i can just get over it, but i miss her goddamn much :/

get it outta your head, youll never hear her voice again.

nevermind, i got other sht to mind...

[hydetheghost]

friendly reminder <33

uhm yea whenver i am mad, i destroy the food. in creative ways too. no, i dont mean just throwing it away. one time i threw it in the sink, the other time i cut in aggresivly in pieces w a pencil, another time i stepped on it, the other time i threw it in the fridge....and when my aggresion ended and i thought of maybe returning to it too late! ahah appetite gone too.

You don't have to eat, stop making up excuses and put the food away

It's easy, stop eating

[hydetheghost]

my weight sucks, my personality sucks, my looks suck, my grades suck- however: not my music taste. its good

[hydetheghost]

(sht latelyyyy)

die jirche im dorf lassen: nicht so aufblähend, übertreibend sein

n= m/M

"i've destroyed myself a lot lately. i've done a lot of self-destruction in the past days. time to fix that again. with fasting, of course, cuz food is the mother of all problems."

"Mom destroyed me and left me here all broken. she has no idea how much she hurted me. and ive been sucking it up deep inside "eat for me" BITCH NO...and living with the hope i could fast for it and tmrw will be better. but im failing over and over again.

"i dont feel well, mom shouted at me. i dont feel well, mom judged me. i dont feel well, mom hates me. i dont feel well. i shouldnt eat.

and truly, the world is cruel.

ugh, bish. u annoyed me, i had to cope. ur still annoying. duh, give me a rest. m/§ never fails to make me feel like sh!t

druck mithilfe kompressor erhöht werden, so wird luft komprimiert und erwärmt

warme, komprimierte luft wird außen gekühlt

abkühlung durch expansion: nach abkühlen des verdichtetn gases wieder auf normaldruck expandiert

John-Thompson-Effekt: führt zu weitere verringerung der temperatur, kühle komprimierte luft wird expandiert und kühlt sich weiter ab

kühle luft kühlt nachstromende luft weiter ab

-> durch wiederholung sinkt temperatur auf 196 crad und so wird luft flüssig

flüssige luft erwärmt sich langsam weiter

franktionierung: aufgrund unterscheidlicher siedetmeperaturen verdampfen gase nacheinadner und können getrennt wered

[hydetheghost]

"Medusa." You know what really scares me? I think mom knows the truth? Or, she is about to know. I gotta do something. My dqrling is in danger. Shit, she maybe reall close to knowing the truth. I hate my mther, rlly much.

[hydetheghost]

weeelll i know that things would be much easier if i'd live alone, cuz mom always- well, not forces, but drags me to eat and she often gets my fav food and i think thats tragic cuz when im at my own i can just easily avoid it :((( 😭😔

(btw im actually good at restricting)

Learning self control is so hard. ⭐️ving is romanticized on here but it’s really hard! Especially knowing there’s food around you ALL THE TIME! I feel like we need more people that are honest about the struggle.

[hydetheghost]

sharing is caring, right KAMERADE??

How I feel after sharing a protein bar with my mom 😍

[hydetheghost]

pls dude, it cant be so hard, right? why am i hestitating then?? sigh.

[hydetheghost]

ah yes, the daily battle in my head 😵🥴

"Zwei Seelen wohnen, ach! in meiner Brust, die eine will sich von der anderen trennen: Die eine hält in derber Liebeslust sich an die Welt mit klammernden Organen; die andre hebt gewaltsam sich vom Dust zu den Gefilden hoher Ahnen."

Faust I, Vers 1112 f.; Faust

Fr. Nothing more to say tbh.