ianbeck

[ianbeck]

“Secondhand Smoke, Firsthand Regret”

[Setting: UA High School’s teachers’ lounge, late evening. The vibe is… smoky. Aizawa and Present Mic are completely stoned, Midnight is buzzed on something she probably shouldn’t have brought to work, All Might is accidentally high from secondhand smoke, and Cementoss is entirely sober but regretting every life choice that brought him here. Meanwhile, Class 1-A is gathered outside the door, eavesdropping, and trying not to laugh.]

Aizawa (slouched in his chair, eyes half-closed, holding a bag of chips like it’s his lifeline):

“Wonderwall.” That’s it. That’s the best karaoke song. No debate. Everyone knows it. You just… strum your air guitar and go, “Sooo maybeeee.” Easy.

Present Mic (lying sideways across two chairs, munching on gummy bears with intense focus):

Shou… Shouuuu. Listen. Listen to me right now. “Wonderwall” is… LAME. You’re lame. It’s like, the Starbucks of karaoke songs, man. BASIC.

Aizawa (pausing mid-chip):

You’re the Starbucks of people.

Present Mic (gasping like Aizawa just committed a war crime):

BRO. BROOOOO. TAKE IT BACK.

Midnight (waving her wine glass dramatically):

Alright, both of you, shut up. The best karaoke song is “Like a Virgin”. It’s sexy, it’s fun, it’s—

Aizawa (cutting her off, his voice dry as desert sand):

—your theme song.

Midnight (glaring, pointing her glass at him):

Oh, and what’s yours? “I’m Too Sexy”?

Present Mic (snorting, spilling gummy bears everywhere):

PFFT. SHOU, IMAGINE YOU ON STAGE—LIKE, “I’m too sexy for my scarf.” HAHAHA!

Aizawa (mumbling):

I’m too sober for this.

Cementoss (calmly eating an apple):

Technically, you’re not.

All Might (sitting upright and looking far too serious for how red his eyes are):

I… I think the best karaoke song is “Don’t Stop Believin’.” It’s hopeful. It’s unifying. It’s—

Aizawa (interrupting, his voice flat):

A cry for help.

All Might (offended):

IT IS NOT A CRY FOR HELP. It’s a heroic anthem!

Present Mic (rolling onto the floor dramatically):

Toshinori, you’d sing like, “Don’t stooop… [wheeze]… beeeeep—” And then pass out!

All Might (offended but also a little giggly):

I would NOT pass out! I have excellent breath control!

Midnight (grinning, swirling her wine):

Prove it.

All Might (standing, determined but wobbly):

Fine! I will serenade this room right now!

[All Might inhales deeply, but before he can sing, he starts coughing violently. Present Mic bursts out laughing so hard he rolls into a trash can.]

Present Mic (wheezing):

That’s your Number One Hero, folks!

Aizawa (nodding slowly like he’s just figured out the meaning of life):

Yeah, I bet he could cough in key, though.

[Meanwhile, outside the door…]

Kirishima (whispering, red-faced from holding back laughter):

This is the best thing I’ve ever seen.

Ashido (giggling uncontrollably):

Aizawa’s out here acting like “Wonderwall” is the national anthem.

Jirou (trying to stay quiet but failing):

I swear, if they make us judge this, I’m voting for Cementoss just to mess with them.

Bakugo (snarling):

Shut up, extras! If you laugh too loud, they’ll know we’re here!

Midoriya (anxiously whispering):

Why is All Might… swaying? Is he okay?

Todoroki (deadpan):

He’s probably just riding the secondhand high.

Kaminari (snorting):

Yeah, Todoroki, because the rest of them are totally sober.

[Inside the room, the chaos continues.]

Midnight (standing up and dramatically pointing):

Okay, this is how we settle it: karaoke contest. Right here. Right now. Winner gets bragging rights forever.

Aizawa (groaning into his chips):

No. I refuse.

Present Mic (already opening a karaoke app on his phone):

TOO LATE, SHOU! THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN!

All Might (slurring slightly, raising his hand):

I accept the challenge! Let’s… let’s fight with honor!

Cementoss (calmly):

I did not agree to this.

Midnight (grinning):

Oh, Cementoss, don’t chicken out. We all want to hear your smooth jazz voice.

Present Mic (suddenly yelling into an imaginary microphone):

“CARELESS WHISPER” BY CEMENTOSS, EVERYBODY!

Aizawa (groaning louder):

I want to die.

[At this exact moment, the door creaks open, and the Class 1-A students all tumble into the room in a heap.]

Bakugo (yelling):

YOU IDIOTS ARE SO LOUD WE CAN’T EVEN PRETEND WE WEREN’T LISTENING!

Hizashi (pointing dramatically at the students):

JUDGES! You’re all judges now!

Ashido (grinning):

Oh, this is gonna be amazing.

Aizawa (burying his face in his hands):

This is how my career ends.

[The scene fades as Present Mic grabs a hairbrush to use as a mic, Midnight cranks up the karaoke machine, and All Might flexes dramatically while everyone laughs uncontrollably.]

⚠️ script and picture made with ChatGPT ⚠️

[ianbeck]

Scene: Employee Break Room

Mr. Aizawa: (leaning against the counter, sipping his coffee) Well, newbie, your last customer just came up to me, arms full of cereal boxes, asking why you recommended “only the finest oats.”

You: (blushing) I, uh… may have gotten a little too enthusiastic about breakfast. What can I say? I’m passionate about oats.

Mr. Aizawa: (chuckles, glancing over the top of his coffee cup) Oh, I could tell. You’ve got quite a way with words. Just don’t get too attached to any of our “finest” products. Customer recommendations here tend to go… underappreciated.

You: Right, got it. Stick to the basics. Though… isn’t there a rule against managers teasing their employees?

Mr. Aizawa: (raises an eyebrow) Teasing? I’m simply ensuring you… perform up to standard.

You: (smirking) Guess I’ll have to work hard to meet those standards then, huh?

Mr. Aizawa: (smirks back) Let’s hope so.

Scene: Stocking the Shelves

You: (reaching high to stack a box on the top shelf, wobbling slightly) Why is the soup always on the top shelf? You know I can barely reach it.

Mr. Aizawa: (leans against the shelf, watching you with a faint smirk) Consider it a test. A little stretch is good for you.

You: (rolling your eyes, stretching more dramatically) Sure, just as long as you’re here to “supervise.”

Mr. Aizawa: Someone has to keep an eye on you. If those cans fall, we both know I’ll be cleaning up after you.

You: Or you could just give me a hand… unless you’re too busy with your coffee.

Mr. Aizawa: Oh, I could help… but I’d hate to ruin your progress. Besides, I’ve heard a little struggle builds character. (He reaches over, just barely helping steady the box)

Scene: Customer Service Desk

(A customer walks up as you and Aizawa are mid-conversation)

Customer: Excuse me, I need some help. This new employee just sent me on a wild goose chase for… some kind of special almond milk?

Mr. Aizawa: (giving you a knowing look) Really? The “almond milk chase,” huh? Quite the creative way to dodge work.

You: (feigning innocence) I just wanted to make sure they got the best experience possible! I mean, you said the customer comes first.

Mr. Aizawa: I did. Just maybe focus on a… less elaborate approach next time. (He smirks at you before turning to the customer) Apologies, we’ll take care of it. Let me know if you need anything else.

(The customer walks away)

You: (grinning) You enjoyed that, didn’t you? Watching me dig myself into a hole?

Mr. Aizawa: Can’t deny it was… entertaining. You’ve got quite a talent for keeping things interesting.

You: Well, maybe I’ll give you something worth supervising next time.

Mr. Aizawa: (leans in just a bit, with a faint smirk) You already have.

Scene: Back Room

(You’re both stacking boxes of stock. The small space is cramped, and you keep accidentally brushing shoulders)

You: This back room is practically a closet. Is it just me, or is it a little… tight in here?

Mr. Aizawa: (side-eyes you, suppressing a smirk) Careful, newbie. Tight spaces mean you’re not the only one getting in each other’s way.

You: So you’re saying I need to watch where I put my hands, right?

Mr. Aizawa: For your own good, yes. I’d hate for you to get caught in a… compromising position.

End.

⚠️SCRIPT AND PICTURE MADE WITH CHATGPT⚠️

[ianbeck]

Title: “The Sleeping Bag Conspiracy: Spicy Edition”

[Scene: Class 1-A, mid-morning. The students are supposed to be studying, but they’re distracted, fixated on the subject of Mr. Aizawa and his iconic sleeping bag.]

Bakugo: (leaning back, arms crossed) I don’t care what anyone says, that bag has to smell like garbage by now. No one sleeps in the same thing every day without it reeking.

Kaminari: (laughing) Dude, maybe he’s got something else going on under there. What if he’s, like, naked all the time? No clothes, just… bare!

Mina: (giggling) Oh my gosh, that would explain why he’s always in it! He’s just… free underneath. Living his best life!

Ochaco: (laughing) That’s… that’s too much. What if it’s like a tactical choice? Less friction during combat? More… mobility?

Jiro: (smirking) Oh, yeah. Super “tactical.” I bet he likes the feel of it against his skin. Real smooth, huh?

Todoroki: (blinking, deadpan) That doesn’t make any sense.

Sero: (grinning) Or maybe it’s all about comfort. Like, what if he’s got silk pajamas on under there? All fancy and soft.

Mineta: (perking up, eyes gleaming) You know, I always thought Mr. Aizawa was hiding something… maybe he’s got lingerie on underneath. Satin, lace… real scandalous stuff!

Jiro: (groaning) Ugh, Mineta, can you not?

Mineta: What? It’s a possibility! All that time in the sleeping bag… gotta be something to keep things… exciting.

Bakugo: (gritting his teeth) You’re disgusting, you little grape!

Midoriya: (frantically taking notes) There’s no way he’d risk the embarrassment if someone pulled the bag off him in public. That would be way too risky as a hero! But… maybe he wears something super tight and breathable to keep his reaction time high…

Iida: (nodding seriously) Exactly! High flexibility, proper ventilation—crucial for fieldwork! Though… he’s never really shown what’s underneath…

Mina: (grinning) What if he’s hiding a full six-pack under there? Or maybe he’s got some secret tattoos? Scars from his battles?

Ochaco: (blushing slightly) Or maybe he’s just… you know… toned. A hero has to keep in shape, right?

Kaminari: (grinning) Ohhh, so you’ve thought about it, huh, Ochaco?

Ochaco: (turning red) W-What?! No! I didn’t—!

(Suddenly, the door SLAMS open, and Mr. Aizawa appears, looking both irritated and half-asleep in his familiar sleeping bag.)

Aizawa: (glaring) What are you idiots talking about?!

(The class falls silent immediately.)

Midoriya: (nervously) Uh… just… combat strategies, sir?

Aizawa: (raising an eyebrow) “Combat strategies” about my sleeping habits?

Jiro: (under her breath) We were… uh… analyzing the benefits of your tactical choice in wardrobe.

Mina: (whispering) Should we ask him about the silk pajamas?

Aizawa: (overhearing) No, Ashido. I don’t own silk pajamas.

Kaminari: (whispering to Sero) What about lingerie?

Aizawa: (deadpan) I heard that, Kaminari. And no.

Bakugo: (grumbling) Yeah, but do you ever wash that thing? Or are you just permanently gross?

Aizawa: (glaring) Twice a week. Now shut up before I expel you. All of you.

Mineta: (muttering) Twice a week… that’s barely enough to keep things fresh…

Aizawa: (yelling) I heard that too, Mineta! And if you think for one second I don’t know how to handle basic hygiene, you’re all about to get a lesson in it. Outside. 50 laps. Now.

(The class groans, standing up slowly, defeated. Aizawa sighs, his sleeping bag wrapped tighter around him as he sits at his desk.)

Aizawa: (muttering to himself) Can’t even sleep in peace without these kids imagining I’m naked under a sleeping bag…

(As the students file out, Midoriya glances back nervously.)

Midoriya: (whispering) I wonder if he does have tattoos, though…

Aizawa: (loudly) Midoriya, move it! 50 laps means 50 laps!

(The camera zooms out as Class 1-A heads to the field, and Aizawa finally leans back, closing his eyes in his sleeping bag.)

[End Scene]

PICTURE AND SCRIPT MADE WITH CHATGPT

[ianbeck]

Title: “Sleeping Bag Envy”

Scene: Teachers’ Lounge at U.A. High School. Mr. Aizawa is sprawled out in his signature yellow fluffy sleeping bag, sipping tea lazily. All Might is seated across from him, trying to mask his jealousy. The atmosphere is casual, but there’s an underlying tension over the ridiculous situation.

Aizawa (yawning and stretching within the confines of his sleeping bag):*

“Ahh… Nothing beats a good nap in my yellow fluffy sleeping bag. It’s like being hugged by a cloud, wrapped in pure comfort. You know, All Might, the softness is unparalleled. You wouldn’t understand.”

All Might (struggling to maintain his smile, his fists clenching slightly):

“Oh, I see, Aizawa! Always one to… indulge in the finer things in life, eh?” (laughs awkwardly) “A sleeping bag… that luxurious. Who would’ve thought?”

Aizawa (smirking, obviously enjoying All Might’s discomfort):

“It’s not just any sleeping bag. This baby is made from the finest fibers, meticulously woven for optimal coziness. Look at it. Look at the shine! It’s almost… silky to the touch.” (Aizawa slowly rubs the inside of the bag as if demonstrating) “Ever had anything so soft, All Might?”

All Might (clearly getting flustered, voice raising slightly):

“I—I’ve had many soft things, thank you very much!” (pauses, lowering his voice) “But… never anything quite like that. How much did it cost? Surely, I could afford one too.”

Aizawa (chuckling, eyes half-lidded):

“Ah, but it’s not about the money. It’s about… exclusivity. This is custom-made. You can’t just stroll into a store and pick one up. It’s been tailored… to my exact needs.”

All Might (getting more frustrated, his eyes narrowing):

“Tailored, huh? What, did they measure your… whole body?” (grits his teeth, trying to maintain composure) “Does it come with extra room for all that… attitude of yours?”

Aizawa (laughing softly, unzipping the sleeping bag just a little, showing how spacious it is inside):

“Actually, it does. Plenty of room for… stretching out. You know, after a long day of hero work, it’s nice to just… slide in. The feeling is… unmatched.”

All Might (blushing slightly but trying to hide it, crossing his arms):

“Slide in, huh? Sounds comfortable. Maybe I should try it out. Just, you know, for research purposes. Can’t let one of my fellow heroes have all the luxury!”

Aizawa (raising an eyebrow, giving him a teasing look):

“Research purposes, huh? Sure. You could try it, but I don’t think you’d be able to handle it. It’s… a little too cozy. Wouldn’t want you to get stuck in here.”

All Might (standing up, face red, clearly trying to maintain his pride):

“Stuck?! I— I’m All Might! I can handle anything! Just let me…” (pauses, awkwardly realizing the situation he’s putting himself in) “Besides, how soft could it really be?”

Aizawa (unzipping the sleeping bag all the way, laying it open, smirking):

“Come on then. See for yourself. But be warned… once you’re in, you may never want to leave.”

All Might (staring down at the inviting, plush interior of the bag, suddenly very self-conscious):

“I—I mean, well… maybe… maybe next time. I should really—uh—grade some papers!” (turns to leave quickly, clearly flustered)

Aizawa (closing his eyes with a satisfied grin, calling out after him):

“Sure, All Might. Anytime you want to… slide in, just let me know.”

End scene.

PICTURE AND SCRIPT WAS MADE WITH CHATGPT.

[ianbeck]

How Mr. Aizawa looks at me when he can finally go to sleep.

[ianbeck]

This is me 100%!!!! 😂😭💀

[ianbeck]

Shut up

No

[ianbeck]

Well, whatever the relationship between them is, it’s not as strong as mine is with him! 😤😤😤

[ianbeck]

Hello Class 1-A, I am Mr. Aizawa's Sleeping Bag. Don’t tell him I made this account!