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[ibelieveloveisreal]

Why is BTS' ARMY fandom so crazy???

I'm ranting at 1am my time as to why people might deem the ARMY fandom so crazy because my fiance just said the only reason why BTS is currently charting #1 on Billboard's Hot 100 for at least 4 weeks, was because BTS has a crazy fandom.

To correct my fiance, he asked an Alexa, which is not Google, and therefore did not have current info. The true #1 as of this moment is Ariana Grande. Regardless of who is currently #1 though, I want to sest the record straight as to why people might think ARMY is crazy. In this essay, I will...

Actually say what I'm gonna say because otherwise, why else would i get my laptop out at 1am?

Most important to note is that ARMY is not crazy as much as they are united more than any other fandom out there.

Any artist or anything that's granted a fandom has the potential to be as crazy to the outsider's perspective. Closest? Probably the Supernatural fandom for a good period of time; although they're not music, the fans were/are deemed crazy. Music Artist-wise? One of the most worldwide names of today would be Beyonce and Taylor Swift, and their fans are also considered as "crazy" because these fandoms are made up of diehard fans. But why is ARMY seemingly bigger and crazier?

Kpop, in general, has nurtured a culture of how fandoms should work by unity. Kpop fandoms are serious about what artists they support, that any fan is only allowed to be in one official fandom membership of the Kpop group. Since BTS started off as Kpop, their fandom culture is just the same. When the group or any solo artist has a birthday, an anniversary, or is doing some sort of promotional work, the fandoms set up ads and food trucks to send love and support to the group/artist. Korean men are also required to serve 2 years in their country's military and while each artist is gone, the fans have each other to keep their fire going, although artists are still able to tap into the platforms to interact with their fans. That's how fandoms in Kpop work.

Almost every single diehard fan out there also knows their artist's background, their albums, their songs, the way that each album relate to each other, the meaning and lyrics behind every song, etc. Almost every single, if not every single ARMY, has understood BTS' message in at least one song. The positivity and hope that BTS has placed into their music has just made ARMY interested for more, and to learn more about the artists behind the music. From there, it's an avalanche.

BTS stays relevant every week because of how much BTS interacts with ARMY and there are a multitude of platforms and content in which BTS gives to ARMY. ARMY also interacts with eachother in deep and positive ways.

The fans are not only loyal to BTS, but they're loyal to each other. There are multiple accounts, such as this post, that support ARMY being ARMY, loving themselves, supporting themselves. Certain ARMYs have also come together to make fan songs (one even with international collaboration where each line is sung in a different language) to BTS and BTS has actually listened to them during their live streams. ARMYs have also created groups within themselves based on occupations. There is literally twitter accounts for lawyers within BTS banding together to provide legal education, definitely not legal advice and teacher accounts to provide educational support and tutoring at any educational level to fellow ARMYs.

ARMYs also support multiple charities with or without BTS's direct involvement. When BTS donates, privately or publicly, ARMY follows shortly to match their donation. When it's a BTS birthday or anniversary, ARMY donates or volunteers to various charities and every time ARMY is gathered outside of a BTS-related event, it just starts off by fans for fans.

Why is ARMY act so crazy against anyone who says something about BTS or ARMY in general? Why is am I waking up in the middle of the night and spending over an hour writing this essay defending the fandom itself as opposed to just defending BTS?

ARMY is super defensive because of what they know of how much BTS had to go through to get to where they are now. BTS started in the underground and fought with so much backlash, hate, and were filled with anxiety with every step of the way, and yet they only get more and more positive with every step. BTS rises above whatever they feel because they feel the social mission to spread love and positivity with everything they do, from music, to interactions with the fans, and worldwide campaigns. ARMY is an army, not in a military sense, but in a defensive sense. The relationship between BTS and ARMY has easily transcended beyond a typical fans and fandom relationship because both sides want to connect to their fans in a very real and sincere way. BTS is always proving their authenticity to their fans but showing and expressing very real moments and genuine feelings. ARMY are also very proud to be within their fandom because they know what they can truly do together.

To be fair, it's likely that one may have come across or observed an ARMY either crossing a line to "defend" BTS when in reality, they were just spreading hate within themselves and outside of the fandom. Truthfully, true ARMY fans who understand BTS's positive messages would certainly not be setting such a negative example of their own, therefore the one who claims they're ARMY and yet they would hate on others and within the fandom itself must seriously consider if they're a true fan or not.

By no means, are other fans not loyal to their own. By no means, are other artists less than BTS. If you're never in a certain fandom, you'll never be sure why they love what they love so much. What I said to my fiance is, just because he doesn't like their style doesn't mean they're not putting out good music; just like I don't appreciate his favorite artists the way that he does but it doesn't mean they're not putting out good music either. I'll say that for any fandom in any category. Honestly, if BTS wasn't good with their music, their fans would not have not even started being their fan, and that's to be said for any fandom. I'm not sure why it's really a hater's business as to why a fan would be a fan of their own favorite thing, but honestly, any fan has the right to love their thing at whatever capacity they choose.

[ibelieveloveisreal]

Now, I understand. Now, I want to fully embrace being a dandelion.

Though I may be trampled and moved to accomodate others, that's okay. Because that means no one else will be trampled and moved. That may seem very silly to others; in a world where you have to be selfish in order to protect yourself, but I want to become a place where no one has to protect themself anymore.

I want to be others' source of kindness and healing and give others what they need to feel loved because I believe Love is real. I hope that this Love will provide others Hope. That's what I believe this world needs more of.

It's okay. I will always bloom again.

I am a Dandelion

I frequently considered myself as insignificant and easily used. Like a dandelion. People tend to kick it, ignore it, or blow away all the pretty little dandelion seeds to fulfill their own wishes or boost their innocent joy. And despite that it’s a flower, it’s also a weed. Despised weed. It’s despised and insignificant, people pull it away to make way for more beautiful things, to make way for other things to grow.

I decided to look up the meaning of a dandelion.

The common and humble Dandelion has a surprising amount of different meanings. The Dandelion means:

Healing from emotional pain and physical injury alike Intelligence, especially in an emotional and spiritual sense The warmth and power of the rising sun Surviving through all challenges and difficulties Long lasting happiness and youthful joy Getting your wish fulfilled

Since the Dandelion can thrive in difficult conditions, it is no wonder that people say the flower symbolizes the ability to rise above life’s challenges.

Have you ever had a moment where you thought yourself as one thing, and then by a completely different, and objective perspective and measure, that one thing you thought you were made you become something so much more?

[ibelieveloveisreal]

Turns out. It was yourself the whole time within the darkness.

Everyone who goes there sees their worst self, which was terrifyingly much worse than anything you've experienced. Scared, angry, and confused, the village people thought the worst and attempted to destroy it.

But your true, gentle, and unique spirit refreshed the tortured grounds: your curiosity and respect helped them finally see neutrality. The neutral air around you allowed them to finally breathe, finally grow. The mirror monster curiously watched you.

Overtime, it watches you simply find escape in their dying home, something no one, not even the spirits within its own home has done before. Your scars, your burns, your bruises, your every indicator that this these grounds has truly become your home more than anywhere else has the whole cursed hill crying to give you vengeance. The mirror monster, the master of it all, feels it just as tensely, but alas, their life cannot withstand the world outside their boundaries.

Once youve finally come to your end, unable to withstand anything further, the mirror monster finally reaches out to you, awkwardly comforting, as it's job has never been more than primarily letting others see their worst self.

The mirror cares for you and helps you to recover. The grounds muster its dead, medicinal roots; anything to assist their friend. But not one word has ever been spoken between you and the mirror other than a breathless thank you between hyperventilating tears when the mirror finally approached you.

The mirror finally reveals the truth of what it is and why the grounds used to be so lifeless and overgrown. But you have the power of neutrality; even your worst self has become something of a neutral spirit with an edge. Life is growing once again in this castle, finally having air to breath and sun to grow without feeling the weight of other's evil. Even the hot blood that used to run the walls has purified into a trickling waterfall that gave the plants what it needed.

Your power also has a very raw state, meaning you still have great potential and what you can do with neutrality. You can stop natural disasters by calming the earth and help communities find common ground within your neutral boundaries. You can also calm villains and disperse angry mobs, although this has never worked with the villagers as youve lived in as they were so much more evil than you know. The mirror monster knows their worst.

But with your power, you can unlock the metaphorical gate, create neutral ground for them to grow outside the boundaries and travel to the village, finally give you vengeance and from their opinion, peace.

So, will you take it?

The village you live in is built at the base of a large hill, a massive castle overlooking it. everyone is warned not to near the old decaying castle, telling tales of an evil creature that once lived there, its evil still lingering in the very walls. The elders had gathered together an army from the village folk, and with their army, they had stormed the castle and bound the creature within the deepest depths of the castle, never to see freedom again.

No one dared approach the old castle anymore, many having disappeared after trying to plunder whatever valuables were left behind. Those who survived, came back quaking in fear, weak, battered and bruised and talking about walls of eyes, rivers of blood, and shadows that hissed and snarled. At one point, they had attempted to burn it, only for the flames to be drowned quickly as the walls bled, soaking the surrounding land and tainting the earth and anything that grew there.

Despite all the warnings, you had always been rather drawn to the imposing castle, something about it seeming to tug gently at your heart. It was not a feeling you would ignore for long.

The village was not a particularly kind place to anyone different, and so it was no surprise when many of the bullies turned their attentions on you. You were weaker, smaller, Different. You became their favourite victim.

One day, sick of the adults looking the other way or reprimanding you for bothering them when you came to them for help, you went to the only place you knew they wouldn’t follow you. As soon as they saw what direction you were heading, they gave up, turning their cruel attentions onto other things.

You knew if you went back, they would simply start up again, so instead, you decided to finally fulfil your curiosity. The trek was long and difficult thanks to the overgrown track, but eventually, you found yourself facing the large castle. You could feel no “evil” as the villagers claimed, but you could feel something. 

For a time, you explored the courtyard, choosing not to try to enter the castle itself. It was beautiful despite its decay, many plants having overtaken the area, all of them looking slightly off. Drawn to the roses, you wandered closer, sitting down gingerly and gently running your fingers over the strangely dark petals, even the leaves appearing far darker than was natural.

Eventually you had to leave, so as not to be caught out at night, but your little visit started the beginning of something. Soon enough, you were spending most of your days in the courtyard of the castle, doing your best to avoid your usual bullies and the harsh words and stares of the adults. 

With the newfound freedom, you took the time to sneak away what books you could get your hands on, teaching yourself to read them better, knowing that you would not be caught here. Sometimes you would sing to yourself, dancing and twirling and feeling a spark of life bloom in your heart once more, simply relishing in the lack of judgement and cruelty.

At some point, you started to notice how the roses would perk up at your arrival, blooming more fully and leaning towards you as though you were the sun itself. Still, you never dared enter the castle itself, not wanting to push the boundaries of the safety you were afforded here. Not until one day.

Sighing, you mourned your inability to find new reading material out loud, silently stroking your fingers over a rose, and pretending not to notice how it almost nuzzled into your touch. You had grown comfortable here, and begun to take comfort in speaking to the roses themselves as if they could hear you. The sound of large doors creaking and groaning, nearly sent your heart into your throat, and nervously you looked upon the now open entrance to the looming castle. 

It was an invitation, one you knew could spell your end. Still you mustered your courage, standing slowly and making your way into the dim castle. Despite its decay, it was still beautiful, proof of its opulence available where ever you looked, though the scars of battle could be seen from time to time. Part of you could almost imagine it in its prime, a sight you would have loved to see.

Something seemed to guide you as you silently let your feet carry you deeper and deeper into the forbidden domain, your heart fluttering nervously in your chest as you felt a strange gaze upon you. You stopped before two large doors, watching as they silently swung open for you, baring what seemed to be a private library, filled to the brim with more books than you had ever seen before.

In a daze, you entered, looking around in the hopes of seeing the one who offered you such an opportunity. You found no one, and so instead spoke your tearful thanks to the air itself. For a moment, you could almost feel your watchers surprise.

From that day forth, your feet would guide you to the castle, and it would open its doors to you invitingly, providing you sanctuary, and access to a wealth of knowledge. It was more than you could ever have asked for or expected, and you made sure to give your thanks each and every time. You saw none of the horrors that so many spoke of, though you could always feel a gaze from all around you. You welcomed it, talking to the empty air much like you had done the roses, a strange sort of companionship forming.

Not all could go so well, as unfortunately your bullies never ceased their attentions whenever you were near. Some days you would arrive meek and bruised, and you could almost taste the anger in the air. Your disappearances received more and more scrutiny over the years, until one evening, it came to a head.

The beating you received that day was brutal, and the threat of the future was suddenly all to real. Battered and broken, you fled despite the dying light, running even as your body cried out, desperately seeking the one place where you felt protected.

Lost in your grief and fear, you never noticed as your feet took you down a different course. Your vision blurred as you ran, fighting back your tears as you raced down unfamiliar hallways. Eventually you came to a stop in a large room, the shadows thick enough that you couldn’t even see your hands before your face.

Finally your body gave out on you, and you collapsed to the floor, tears streaming down your face and mixing with the blood that flowed from your cuts, smearing against the floor below you. You felt the change in the air, though you had not the mind to focus on it in your despair.

Something rustled before you, and suddenly large hands were grasping at you, ever so gently pulling you into a broad chest, the strangers arms caging you tenderly against them. Sobbing and broken in their arms, you had never felt safer and more cared for.

[ibelieveloveisreal]

We need everyone's help right now to protect the rainforest and Indigenous People

The Amazon Rainforest is under a massive threat. I know you've heard this a million times, but this is different. There is a piece of legislation that will decimate the rights of Indigenous people of Brazil, who have been protecting the rainforest. It's unfathomably bad. It has majority support. And they're voting tomorrow. As reported here, the Bill allows "the Brazilian government to find energy resources, set up military bases, develop strategic roads, and implement commercial agriculture on protected Indigenous tribal lands, without any prior discussion with the affected peoples."

The thing you can do—and I know this sounds overly simple—is sign this petition—and tell your friends to do the same: SIGN HERE.

As reported here, the Bill allows "the Brazilian government to find energy resources, set up military bases, develop strategic roads, and implement commercial agriculture on protected Indigenous tribal lands, without any prior discussion with the affected peoples."

Again, this bill has majority support. You may be wondering, why will a petition signed by people who don't live in Brazil make any difference? Because it will give those opposing it political air cover. It will show the world is with them.

But we need a LOT of signatures.

Please do this simple act and spread the word.

[ibelieveloveisreal]

05.17.23

On this day, was my first concert. Although it's a little sad to say I'm 30 and it was my first concert, I regret nothing because it was the AgustD concert in Oakland Coliseum. It was a big milestone for me and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

[ibelieveloveisreal]

AGUST D

Wallpaper || Lockscreen 🌠

Hope you like these 🥀💜

[ibelieveloveisreal]

Hiii, you could do some lockscreen related to BTS or jungkook... In an aesthetic way but without pic?. I don't know how to explain it 😂 It can be with drawings or phrases... Hope you can understand what I'm trying to say 😅💜

Hey!

So, I'm not sure if I understood your request correctly, but these are the wallpapers I made.

If you don't like them, please request again (:

Thank you♡

Bts wallpaper

➳ if you save, like/reblog. Thanks ♡

➳ request are open

[ibelieveloveisreal]

“Tomorrow” by BTS Lockscreens/Wallpapers. Please like or reblog if you save/use!

cr: J Lee (@/babybluecat) on Unsplash for photos & @bts-trans for translations

[ibelieveloveisreal]

What do you think is required from a person to succeed ?

I study successful people on a daily basis and it’s one of my favorite hobbies. I read their biographies, befriend them, interact with them regularly, and learn from them. Most important personality traits I’ve isolated and identified:

Required

Discipline (linked with consistency): Work ethic, dedication, timeliness, organization, and consistency of effort. On consistency, it’s okay to change your mind (Ne-dom and Ne-aux types, are you listening to me right now?) but change your mind within a consistent framework. For example, DO: “If x doesn’t happen, we’ll change our method and try y.” For example, DON’T: “Let’s do A, B, C, M, Z, Y, K, your mom, Jumanji, I’m coming in to work today but not tomorrow, nm I won’t be coming in at all, let’s study cars, let’s study balloons, hey let’s go over here, there, everywhere.” Being inconsistent will lose the trust and respect of your peers and superiors. It’s also annoying as shit.

Competence: Every successful person has a ‘pocket skill’, something they’re exceptionally good at, something they’ve practiced and perfected, and something they’re known for. Warren Buffett for investment, Ben Carson for pediatric neurosurgery, Roger Federer for tennis, etc. Never stop learning and developing your craft.

Charisma: Communication skills, listening skills, people skills, networking skills, compassion, empathy. The ability to understand people, what they want, what they need, and how to convey your thoughts and ideas to them with impeccable clarity and precision. To be successful you must have the ability to make people not only like you, but trust and respect you.

Resilience: The emotional, mental, and psychological fortitude to endure stress, the ability to recover from failure and setbacks, the physical strength to work long hours. To be successful you must be able to endure pain, discomfort, disappointment, and fatigue because nothing will come easy and the road is long and hard.

Passion: The strong belief in a goal or cause, the commitment to achieve high levels of performance to serve that goal or cause. Passion is not the same as ambition.

Summary

Successful people are disciplined and consistent. 

Successful people are skilled at something. 

Successful people are liked, trusted, and respected.

Successful people are durable and undeterred. 

Successful people have a sense of purpose. 

Optional (and helpful), but not required

Intelligence: All the thinkers will be surprised that I listed intelligence is optional, but it is. There are a lot of smart people who never make it in life for various reasons. Filtering the external factors (like being born in a third world country or a war zone), discipline is the key differentiating factor between an intelligent person who succeeds and one who fails.

Money: It’ll help expedite your way to success, but it’s not required.

[ibelieveloveisreal]

As you're nearly 30 now, what would you have told your 20 year old self if you had the chance? Do you have any advice or tips for people currently in their early 20's, possibly in college and worried about the future? Any advice to help build self-esteem and to achieve what they want? Thank you.

Combined with the following ask:

Do you have any tips for how to improve self-esteem and confidence? I think I may be an xNTJ but years of bullying, betrayal, depression, and bereavement have left me feeling pretty low and worthless.

A few thoughts below.

To my 20 year old self

You can be right and still lose the argument. How you communicate to someone and how you deliver the message is just as important as the contents of the message itself. If you disregard the nuances of other human beings and come off as a total asshole, they’ll completely shut down and reject your input no matter how great it is.

Don’t fight battles with no rewards. If people can’t stop you, they’ll try to distract you so you’ll trip over your own feet and sabotage yourself. Don’t let them.

Older people may be less intelligent than you, but they have more experience– listen and learn. Even idiots can teach you what not to do.

Shut up. Most situations don’t require your input, your action, your reaction, or your intervention. Often times it’s like throwing gas on a fire to put it out. If you’re patient and wait, the answers tend to reveal themselves or the problem will solve itself.

Always do your laundry, there’s nothing worse than running out of clean underwear.

On building self-esteem and confidence

Stop explaining yourself to people who have already made up their minds about you. It’s a waste of time so tend to the relationships with the people who genuinely care for your well-being.

Finish. Quitting is a pathological disorder that can spread to other areas of your life. If you quit at one thing, the odds are you have low resilience and you will give up at other endeavors in your life. No matter what– finish. Get to the end. No matter how imperfect you think the outcome will be, finish. You’ll either have a sense of accomplishment from having completed something, lessons learned from the failure, or both. 

Small victories build confidence. If you can’t do the small things correctly, you won’t be able to tackle the big things. If you can’t wake up in the morning and jog a mile consistently then you’re not going to be able to climb Mount Everest. Patience is key and biting off more than you can chew will often end in failure and demoralization. Practice makes perfect, and progress takes time. 

Pain is weakness leaving the body. Build your tolerance by trying new things outside of your comfort zone, push yourself when you feel like you want to quit, and confront the things you fear the most. Similar to lifting weights, the only way your body can grow stronger is by steadily increasing the weights until you can bear heavier burdens. The more you do this, the easier it becomes.

Be a thermostat, not a thermometer. That is, be consistent in your values, personality, and habits– don’t let your emotions and behavior mold to your environment because you’ll always be in a state of flux. It makes you vulnerable to other people dictating your moods.

Follow your heart but take your brain with you. Do the things you love but in a logical and planned way. Don’t question your goal if it’s what you truly want to do, but scrutinize your method because that’s what will determine success or failure.

On college

Evidence is more powerful than theory. In college and in the real world, you must be able to prove your abilities with evidence because just being “smart” isn’t enough. That evidence is superior performance, high grades, high test scores, and strong internships. You can’t stroll into a job interview and debate the interviewer, declare victory, and secure the position. Come with proof.  

Do well no matter what. Even if you’re unsure about your major, never let your performance slide because GPAs are cumulative. If you only do well in the subjects you love, it will reveal to employers that you have selective motivation. This is a problem because in the real world you won’t enjoy everything assigned to you even at a job you love and employers need to have confidence you can still succeed.

Who you know is as important as what you know. Connections matter in the real world, don’t overlook building relationships with people who will be your peers, your friends, future colleagues, and potential future bosses for the rest of your life and professional career.

Don’t fuck around. If you’re paying thousands of dollars in tuition and going into debt, make sure you pick a career that can sustain you after you graduate. No matter how much you love fine arts, if you go $100,000 into debt at 6.5% interest, your life will be extremely difficult. Find a balance between what you love and what can support you.

Have a job offer before you graduate. When you’re a student, you have the luxury of being an intern and trying new things without companies having to navigate complicated labor laws. Once you graduate, you’re just another unemployed person. Take advantage of the time you have as a student to seize those opportunities so the transition post-graduation is seamless.

[ibelieveloveisreal]

What methods/habits/tools do you use to keep organised and productive? How effective is it in reaching your goals and maximising your potential as well as happiness in life?

Combined with the following ask:

Mr. ENTJ, in a previous post, you mentioned you need discipline in order to be successful. When providing a brief explanation for discipline, you cited being organized as a tool for developing discipline. Do you have any tips or suggestions on how to be more organized, particularly in a career/office setting?

Any advice for an INFP on how to be more motivated and organized? I’ve just started university & I’m working on two Bachelor’s degrees at the same time, and it’s… pretty crazy.

Related answers:

Hello, Mr. ENTJ! Do you use any planners to organize your day? Do you write to-do lists (for a day, a week, a month)? What do you think about paper planners?

How to improve self discipline?

I don’t use anything complicated or fancy except for Google Suite (Calendar, Docs, Sheets, Drive, Gmail, etc.) connected to my iPhone and Apple Watch so it travels with me on the go. That’s it.

Technology helps with productivity because it’s convenient but it’s important to stress that organization and productivity are states of mind– they’re not specific phone apps to download, beautiful colorful highlighters to buy, or books to read that will magically bring order to chaos overnight. An undisciplined mind results in an undisciplined life so if there isn’t real commitment to focus on getting things done and to stick to the beautiful plan you’ve created then you’ll fail. Period. I’ve helped countless people set up Google Calendars they never updated, pick out paper planners they never used, and schedule meeting/event notifications they ignored.

My mind is naturally wired to be an information organization machine. When new requests, assignments, events, goals, etc. are introduced my brain automatically analyzes, measures, and then maps them into a ranked priority list that adapts to new inputs. From there, I knock them out one by one as fast as possible. I don’t split my attention on many tasks at once, I focus my full attention on one task at a time but complete it rapidly and move on. This is what works for me, and it’s been highly effective in reaching my goals and maximizing my potential. I have, at all times, a clear mental picture of what I need to do, how to do it, when I need to do it by, why it’s important, and how it relates to the bigger picture. 

The reason I’m able to do this is because I derive joy and satisfaction from completing tasks and achieving goals. The sense of achievement many of you get from a “like” on a social media post, the happiness from watching an interesting YouTube video, or the rush of adrenaline from meeting someone new and exciting– my mind is programmed to have all those same reactions as it relates to organization and productivity. Mentally reward and regularly praise yourself for a job well done and you’ll eventually be able to flip the perspective of seeing tasks as horrible chores to tasks as steps in a ladder leading towards your dreams.

Find what works for you by evaluating what you struggle with the most and creating a customized mix of solutions:

Is it forgetting important dates? Try Google Calendar, Apple Calendar, Outlook Calendar, post-its, and e-mails to yourself, etc.

Is it forgetting to charge electronics? Buy a power bank, pack an extra charger in the bag, reserve seats or desks by the wall near outlets, etc.

Is it losing papers (homework assignments, handouts, receipts)? Take a photo of it on your phone, use a scanner phone app, pack a folder in your bag, etc.

Is it eating unhealthy? Try MyFitnessPal to track calories, pack healthy snacks and water in your bag to avoid eating fast food, replace junk food in the pantry with lower calorie alternatives, etc.

Is it overspending? Try Mint, set up spending limits on credit cards and debit cards, designate certain shopping days or weeks to consolidate spending, use spreadsheets to track spend, etc.

The key here is to avoid overengineering the solution and to not build a process so complex and so complicated that it creates more work to maintain. Technology and tools can help, but they’re never substitutes for dedication and discipline. Find what works for you, commit, focus, and stick with it.

[ibelieveloveisreal]

Have you ever been in the point of your life when you lost motivation and things just seems to go the wrong way? How do you regain your motivation and strength? Btw, awesome blog.

Yes, but here’s the thing, I don’t link my motivation and enthusiasm to my performance. This is a huge and crippling problem I’ve seen in other people:

“I don’t love my job so I’m going to half-ass it, fuck this place” (you’ve just wrecked a professional reference)

“I don’t like my major/I’m unsure if this is what I really want to do so I’m not going to try in these classes” (your GPA is permanent, bro)

I’ve trained myself to do well regardless of how I feel about what I’m doing to the point it’s muscle memory. If I feel demotivated or demoralized, I finish my current project, pause, and evaluate next steps.

At school, I kept on keeping on. When I had doubts about pursuing medical school I didn’t let that affect my performance in my pre-med classes because I knew good grades were necessary for all my other career options (business, engineering, law, etc).

At work, same concept, except the stakes are higher because of contractual obligations. I don’t have the luxury of mentally checking out whenever I don’t like my current engagement or I don’t feel well because my team and my clients are counting on me to deliver. So I do.

One of the greatest compliments I’ve been given by a manager at my Firm (ENFP) sums it up:

“[Mr. ENTJ], my favorite thing about you is that I never knew when you were having a good day or a bad day. When I assigned you something, I could never tell if you absolutely loved it or hated it because you delivered everything with the same smile and energy.”

Spoiler alert: I didn’t love everything she assigned to me. I didn’t know the purpose of the project or liked my role at times, but I did it anyway, and I did it well. And then I figured out what projects I wanted to work on in the Firm and easily transitioned to those because I had stellar references from my previous project managers.

Regaining motivation and strength was a very Te-oriented process of pinpointing why I felt that way, addressing it, and then applying the solution. Either way, you have to do well regardless if you love what you’re doing so that whenever you regain that motivation and strength you’re not returning to a pile of shit you made during your down days. 

[ibelieveloveisreal]

Greetings, Mr. ENTJ! As someone who has always badly struggled with motivation, I am an ENFP who holds you in high regard for your ability to stay focused on your goals. How do you NOT get bored with doing the same things again and again? How do you find novelty in repetition when you are working to progress? This is my personal demon and has held me back from being able to finish the things that I start. Thank you again for your time and for your blog, it has changed my life for the better!

The progress is the novelty.

Exercising can require repetitive actions (push-ups, sit-up, deadlifts, etc.) but the increase in strength after every workout, the decrease in weight, the boost in energy, the toning of body shape, and the long-term positive health effects are completely new. That’s the novelty.

Studying can require repetitive actions (reading, quizzing, writing, etc.) but the increase in knowledge, the boost in grades, the progression through the academic curriculum, and the approach towards mastery are all completely new. That’s the novelty.

Relationships can require repetitive actions (talking, dating, intimacy, etc.) but the growth of trust, the happiness from shared experiences, the new memories from life adventures, and the deepening of love as time passes and you both age are all new. That’s the novelty.

Careers can require repetitive actions (emails, meetings, projects, etc.) but the development of new skills, the accumulation of wealth, the growth of professional networks, the increase in responsibility and power, and the refinement towards expertise and mastery are all new. That’s the novelty.

Find novelty in the incremental results along your journey with the understanding that change occurs in response to action or inaction. Actively exercising and dieting will cause weight loss which is change through action, but passively sitting around and doing absolutely nothing will cause weight gain which is change through inaction. My ability to stay laser focused and motivated throughout my life is rooted in the adoption of this growth mindset. After the initial emotional spike of excitement that pushes you to pursue a new goal, this mindset will help sustain momentum against the threat of demotivation and it will help build resilience in the face of adversity.

Your life is fluid, it’s not static, and it will change whether or not you want it to and whether or not you take any action at all. You transform a little bit different every day– ensure you take an active role in molding yourself into someone you are proud to be.

[ibelieveloveisreal]

Hi Mr. ENTJ. Firstly, I want to pay my respects to your current struggle with the loss of your grandmother and wish you well. I hope that you have logistical and emotional support during this time. Secondly, whenever you next get to your asks, which is clearly not a priority at this time, I would like to ask you how you trained yourself out of the selective motivation mindset, as I'm currently struggling with this. I have read your asks about this and wanted to know any concrete steps that work.

Thank you for your thoughts.

To your question: I’m glad you asked this because selective motivation-- the motivation to only do the things you like while avoiding the things you dislike-- is a goal killer and it needs to be tackled early and aggressively. Most goals in life are paved with steps that are difficult, monotonous, and unpleasant, but they still need to be done. For example, if your goal is to lose weight and get a great body, then you need to diet and exercise. The diet and exercise part is where most people fail because it requires tremendous discipline, energy, effort, and commitment to sustain over a long period of time. You can’t eat one stick of celery and do one sit-up then have abs the next day. That’s not how it works.

The way I achieved this was to find an emotional anchor.

For example, one of my goals in life was to become financially successful because I grew up in deep poverty. I wanted to be rich but I wasn’t motivated to make a lot of money so that I could buy gold Rolex watches, alligator shoes, and Lamborghinis to flash on Instagram. Materialism is a weak source of motivation because it’s externally defined which is why most people who try to make money for the sake of showing it off end up unsuccessful and broke. I was instead motivated by my emotional anchor-- my mother-- who I once witnessed sell her wedding ring to buy rice for our family when I was 8 years old. This emotional anchor motivated me over the span of 15+ years because I knew that every crappy college class I took, every difficult professor I dealt with, every tough job interview I attempted, and every grueling late night I endured at work put me one step closer to securing a better future for her and our family. It wasn’t easy, I disliked many parts of my journey, but after years and years of work my brother and I were able to fulfill a lifelong dream to buy our parents a home. The reason why I didn’t give up is because I had my emotional anchor and I never let it go.

To the health example above, I know a colleague who couldn’t stick to a diet to save his life. For years, he ate garbage, smoked, drank, and treated his body like a crash test dummy. He’d try to stop, fail, try again, then fail again. He knew better but he wasn’t able to alter course. This finally changed when his wife gave birth to their daughter early last year. He now had motivation because he wanted to live long enough to see his daughter grow up, get married, have children, and beyond. He couldn’t implement lasting change before she was born, but after he held his newborn in his arms, he finally had an emotional anchor that helped him commit.

Understand that motivation is not a rational issue that stems from a lack of knowledge. Who here doesn’t know that eating healthy and exercising are the keys to good health? We all have the internet and we all have access to the same information so none of this is should be breaking news. Motivation isn’t a rational issue-- it’s an emotional one which is why I didn’t bring the “stick to a routine and be disciplined!” spiel. Motivation comes before discipline. If discipline is the “how,” then motivation is the “why” and the “why” is very important because the emotional and logical sides of your brain need to be in sync to stick to any plans you create.

That’s how I did it and how I still do it. Find an emotional anchor. The deeper, stronger, and more meaningful the emotional anchor-- the more resilient you’ll become against the threat of demotivation. Find a positive emotion (or many positive emotions) associated with the goals you’ve set whether that’s yourself and your own well-being, the people you deeply care about, or a vision of the future that you’re absolutely in love with that you want to make a reality. It’s not a perfect process because there will be days where you’ll regress and fail, but if you can remember why you started in the first place, then you can get back up and try again.

Find your anchor and hang on tightly. 

[ibelieveloveisreal]

Hi Mr-ENTJ, sorry for the long ask. This may seem like a very small issue, but I'm an INFP and I work in the service industry. My main problem is the entitlement in my workplace. I'm working for a corporate organization and, as corporate is, it's full of entitled, rich assholes to the people "below" them. There are policies in place to ensure efficiency and independence so that my clients don't do everything through me, but with my clients expecting anything and everything, I feel like it's my job to enforce the policies and educate them to become independent of having me do everything for them.

I've brought these problems to my supervisor and manager before, informing them that these policies are not respected, the inefficiencies in what the process should be, what clients are doing instead of going back to their actual resources, and suggestions/feedback/constructive criticisms to improve all of these things. My supervisor and manager are both ISFJs and they have worked in this department for over a decade, enough to say "it is what it is; this is what it means to be in service." My coworkers are not nearly as motivated to enforce the policies either because they see no change throughout all the years they've been here, or they don't care for this job enough.

I know that my job is service-oriented and there's something called going above and beyond, but I feel like there is nothing wrong with me educating my clients and i don't want to change what I feel is correct. I feel like another INFP on the team and I are the only ones who feels this passionately about these problems and want to improve it, but this burden is so tiresome and my team thinks it's annoying for me to police everything. I know that this job is no longer for me, and I'm working on finding something else, but until then, what else can I do?

I'm probably just looking for some validation and feedback on what I can do better, but am I wrong? Do I just need to let this go and let things be as they are? Am I just not doing enough? Am I not enforcing this properly?

You can have my validation that you're not wrong, you're probably right, but that still doesn't fix any of the problems you've outlined. Culture change comes in one of two ways if leadership isn't open to change:

The 'judger way' (xxFJ + xxTJ): Become a leader yourself and cascade the change downward -> This requires an immense amount of time to stick around and climb the promotional ladder

The 'perceiver way' (xxFP + xxTP): Get enough influential people to agree with you and override leadership -> This requires an immense amount of effort and may get you fired

Both options require power. Without power, you're stuck at the mercy of other people's decisions inside and outside of work.

This conflict is also a key reason why many INFPs are miserable in corporate environments because they need to adhere to systems and processes other people in power make. Without any motivation to climb the ladder, become a person of power, and change the systems/processes themselves-- INFPs get stuck as passengers in a car that someone else is driving. This is why you see a lot of INFPs opt for freelancing careers, academia, or completely opt out of work (stay-at-home parents) to maximize freedom.

Moving forward, you're correct to find a company that's a better culture fit. Until then, I wouldn't waste another single brain cell stressing about things and people that refuse to change. Save your time, energy, and emotions for the next role so you can hit the ground running.

Related answers:

Any advice for Fi-Dom leaders? Do you think they can be successful at leading people?

Help Mr. Entj, have you ever seen an INFP leader or manager in action? What observations do you have of their leadership style? Do you have any advice for improvement?

Have you worked with an INFP before? What's it like for you as an ENTJ?

MBTI and career choice

Can you give an idea of each MBTI type's career jump patterns or reasonings?

[ibelieveloveisreal]

(x)

[ibelieveloveisreal]

Have you worked with an INFP before? What's it like for you as an ENTJ? I understand you can see value in friendships with them, but how are you dealing with INFPs in the workplace, especially in your line of work where quality and time is very important?

Yes, one of my executive stakeholders and closest business partners is an INFP; I’ve worked with quite a few of them in tech. They’re not a problem for me if that’s what your asking. 

Conceptually, the beauty of INFPs (and xxFPs in general) is that their dominant Fi naturally forces self-selection. By that I mean, Fi-doms have the lowest tolerance of all the MBTI types for sticking around in careers, companies, and jobs that don’t align with their values and interests strictly for money reasons or “because it’s the practical thing to do.” If they’re present somewhere, then they tend to want to be there and if they don’t want to be there, then they tend to be absent or on their way out because they can’t stomach it for very long. It’s as simple as that. That’s the gift and the curse of high Fi.

I only work in organizations that have astronomically high and extremely difficult hiring bars which means any INFPs I encounter had to make an active and targeted effort to get there too. You don’t “randomly” get accepted into Google, it takes weeks of preparation and months of interviews to become one of the 0.2%. For that reason, the INFPs I work with are pre-screened and pre-vetted because they have to meet the same standards as me to get in and they have to maintain the same high caliber of work as me to stay in. They are excellent in what they do and generally very passionate about it. It helps minimize conflicts in the workplace because if we’re going to disagree about something, it likely won’t be over bad quality or poor time management issues, it’s usually over different approaches and different solutions to the same problem.

Concretely, in actual day to day work, we play off each other’s strengths and cover each other’s weaknesses to work well together. INFPs tend to be less organized and less decisive than me so I provide structure to problems and direction for solutions. I tend to be less people focused and less creative than them so they provide individualized values-based perspectives to ideas and alternative solutions to problems. It’s obvious a case-by-case basis but I generally work very well with them.