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Elisa y Marcela

I watched Elisa y Marcela last night and I can't stop thinking about it. It was such a powerful movie, and I love it when movies depict emotions in their rawest form.

I actually watched a movie called Anne+ before Elisa y Marcela and it is a movie about the modern queer experience and growing up, which was very good too. But watching Elisa & Marcela right after a modern queer movie made me so sentimental.

We are nothing without our past, and we have these people to thank for the rights we have today. Even as I watched the movie I thought "This is a semi-good plan because no one would force her to take her clothes off" but I forgot that in the past right to privacy and consent was not respected. People would see them as outcast and take it upon themeves to punish the two women. Since there were no proetctions in place.

When the townspeople barged in and threw rocks into their windows, I put myself in their shoes, I felt so grateful that I did not have to fear that happening to my partner and I.

Such a powerful message about love!

As a side note I have also been watching The Midwife on Netflix. In season four we get an epsiode about a man who was just amrried and about to have a child. There is a scene where he is talking to his father in law about how he's not ready and that everyday he feels like he's missing something. The father in law takes it as jitters, but later we find out that he's gay. He goes to a bathroom at a bar that is a known hook up location and kisses a man there. Only for the main to blow a whistle and a bunch of police offers rush in to grab him.

He was arrested for "indecent acts" and had to testify in court, and to avoid prison he needed to take estrogen pills as a cure for being gay.

This episode made me feel so heart broken, because who he felt on the inside and made him feel the most whole was seen as a sickness. No matter who he talked to or the people in his life recognized that part of him as ok. They just keep piling responsibilities and expectation of a hetero normative life, and his facial expressions showed such conflict, sadness, and despair.

He felt for his wife and baby, but so desperately wanted to live a life that allowed him to be himself.

The people who came before us are heros and troupers, and I will always look back to them for their strength. Especially in times of regression and anxiety as our present climate.

We can's forget them, they deserved to be remembered.

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Since I’ve finally had a second to breath from academic prison, I’ve started reading again.

My reason for reading:

1) Reconnect with my middle school self, who was a book worm

2) See how the person I have grown up to be has changed my tastes in books

I started my journey by re reading a book series that I really loved, it’s the Court series by Sarah J Mass.

When I was younger I loved her books, but when I was younger all I wanted to read was fantasy love stories that I could imagine happening to me some day.

So now re visiting the story has a fresh adult who has learned far more about herself, and just doesn’t dig that basic love story stuff, I definitely was “rolling my eyes” at the mate stuff, the over use of sex in situations I would think both parties would not be up for, portraying men has having to have a certain type of body to be considered beautiful, woman be powerful but still being damals in distress… bla bla I could go on

But! That middle school girl is still me and when Rys first showed up I started crying. Either way this book was a copping mechanism for a little girl going through a tough time.

Anyway, where am I now in my book journey? I want fantasy but I want effortlessly inclusive fiction.

I want books that explore the world and feel real. I want people of all backgrounds and I want to feel like the characters could walk off the page.

I also don’t want it too seem like gay characters were added as a second thought for feel fake because the author was trying to be inclusive.

In my search for such a book I wound up at my local library, looking through the long wall of fiction, only to find they but a little gay flag sticker on books that have gay themes. And when I realized this there were only two books that seemed to exist I started to sigh..

But not hopeless yet I came across a book called FishBowl by Bradley Somer. First the book cover struck me, and it wasn’t fantasy but I thought I may give it a try since what else was I gonna do?

Ima go into detail about some characters I really love, just know if you want some people who are effortlessly themselves and happen to be gay along the way read it, was such a breath of fresh of air in a work that sucks

spoilers ——

Garth Garth Garth Garth 🥹

I can’t tell you enough when I say I have loved a character so much. Normally a character has to have something in common with myself or someone I care about for me to be invested in them

But this character could not be further from me haha

We are introduced to him by the perceptive of another character, and we seem him as a big “scary” construction worker man who the character bumps into

This introduction makes me over look him, because why would there be anything special in him

Then we finally get to see from his perspective, but it’s him talking about a woman who walks past the construction sight with his co worker, and has he looks at her walk it describes how the dress she wears moves with the stretch and twist of her body

In my mind I say gross, I hate men who say they appreciate the beauty of feminine things but really they mean the sexual side of feminine thing 🤮

However as a reader we start to invest in him more when he goes to pick up a package that is hidden from us

We don’t know where it’s from what it could be, all we know is it’s in a small box and he goes through the back to pick it up to suggest he keeps this part of himself quiet, secret, and untouched

At this point I’m curious but still not in love with this character, and technically the rest of his time in the novel doesn’t mean much but this is where I will introduce the super of the apartment building..

He works night and day talking care or the building who feels unnoticed for his efforts by the people who live in the building, he is a hopeless romantic and feels like he can’t be romantic because age or it hasn’t been the chance

He has a moment in the book where he describes how English stifles his romantic flare, that he sounds so undeveloped, rough in English and if someone could hear him in Spanish they would see how smooth and beautiful he can be, which is heartbreaking

I myself feel like an idiot when I try and communicate in the language I’m trying to learn so I can kind of understand but it felt real to hear him think that about himself

Anyway we learn that he loves old romantic movies and songs, he loves dancing and particularly loves the elegant feminine style of clothes

He gets all dazzled up so that when he is down with his last service request he can give himself a night on the town, so he approached the last apartment that is just a leaky sink and he thinks back to an actress who he said had such beautiful ankles (weird it will make sense later)

Now I’m switching back to Garth, he enters his Apartment that he recognizes the faucet is still leaking

Rushed into his room to open his box, and he starts to describe that the shop he frequents is a dress shop who has a special custom seamstress who knows how to make dress that fit him perfectly

He recounts how his body is so masculine, hairy, large, not feminine at all.. he goes on to describe how he is a lover of the art of femininity and when he sees women in dress he wishes to embody that type of beauty as well

In the box is a custom dress and strapy heels, and he comments that his toes are so ugly but his ankles.. his ankles are his best attribute 😩

Are you guys seeing what’s happening here, two people who aren’t even remotely connected, have never even said they were outright fruity

Just lover of romance, of beauty come together in an unlikely place both respecting each others meaning and appreciating there stepping out of their comfort zone

There’s more to the story, the whole book is good but these characters.. THESE CHARACTERS made me giggle squeal and dance

And it was so special because i didn’t get to see there after story, I get to imagine the drive in movie theater dates, the super learning to cook meals for his beauty while the beauty learns to dance with him ✨

Anyway to many more beautiful love stories that don’t fit the binary and are just so much more beautiful for that reason alone

Cheers 🥂 to love found in unlikely places and people being there authentic selfs!

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stop i am so gonna make these pants now <3 <3

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Heart Breaking Love Stories

For all my life I have really liked the stupid, sappy, romance movies that you find centered in New York or spit out by Hallmark around Christmas time. No matter what the genre the stories are fun to watch and can fill your heart with warmth. However, recently I started to consume lesbian period drama love stories, thinking I would enjoy myself, as I would with all the other sappy love stories. I was wrong because time and time again they only share joy with one another for a few fleeting moments before they must be married off, the townspeople tear them apart, or they die an unimaginable death. Each time I crave something that will end with them running off together, but I have to remind myself history was cruel to them.

When I do finish one of these movies, I remember how grateful I am to live in a time where I can love and appreciate my partner without feeling like it will be torn from me any second. But, I still feel mass amounts of grief for the women in these movies who just wanted to love and be loved.

I am so grateful for love at a time when love can be anything you want it to be.

Anyway please watch: Tell it to the Bees, Portrait of a Lady on Fire, and, The World to Come on Hulu. They are all beautiful stories that will make you cry.

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Moss Stitch Fingerless Gloves!

This marks the end of gift season for me lmao, except for the beanie I promised to make my grandma.

I had to make a secret gift and decided to try an new type of glove, and went looking on YouTube for ideas.

I found a YouTuber called HayHayCrochet, and used her fingerless gloves tutorial.

Her video was very easy to follow and her other content is great for other project ideas!

On to the project…

What you will need:

•scissors

•single color of yarn 5mm

•4mm hook

You just start by chaining 31 and you basically just make one big square. This was honestly really fun, in the beginning, because I have never made a glove this way.

Where you do 12 single crochets into the back loop to make the ribbing and then do the moss stitch, and then go back to the ribbing, chain one tune your work, and repeat till it’s big enough for your hand.

I’m not going to list the actually directions, but I will explain the moss stitch! It’s basically and alternating pattern between a slip stitch and a half double crochet, where you always start with a slip stitch and end with a half double.

It makes a really cool bumpy texture, which I would think is why it’s called the moss stitch. But it was so fun to work with a new stitch.

However by the 5th row of me counting to 12 then to 14 then to 12 and then finally chaining one just to start the next row all over again made me realize how much I love granny squares!

Granny squares are truly more interesting to make because you change what you are doing more often than when you just do row after row.

Anyway, I didn’t change the pattern much from the video, all I did different was how I closed the sides.

I did 8 stitches from the top and then 13 from the bottom, where the video said to do 8 and 14. Which is not a big change.

The big change was instead of tying off the yarn and sewing up the sides, I just joined the sides with a single crochet using the same line of yarn.

I got this idea from the last project I did, and I found it just saved some time and I like how it looked !

Anyway this was still a fun project ! I highly recommend as a gift to others!

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A lab will definitely let me in if I do this

What if I formatted my resume like one of those porn bot bios?

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Obsessed with this concept

(the fact that the ravens annoy the wolves sksksnsjksn)

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I finally finished big bang theory

I really thought that the last episode was gonna be lighthearted and funny and make me mildly  irritated at Sheldon, like it always does

But last episode turned out to be the most heartfelt beautiful showcase of their friendship and love for each other

I really was not expecting to ball at the season finale, but here I am lmao

I will say that I will forever:

• love penny and Sheldon’s dynamic 

• hate Howard no matter how fatherly he is in the last seasons

• and find Sheldon mildly annoying even tho I love him dearly

Now to finish young Sheldon!

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Cute Granny Square Fingerless Gloves <3

I have decided to keep track of my crochet projects on this account ! :)

JUST A DISCLAIMER THIS IS NOT MY ORIGINAL PATTERN!!

I got this idea off of Pinterest by following a link to a crochet blog, called lullaby log

And from there I found a video tutorial which I will link right here!

I slightly talk about how to do this project, but I promise you just watch the video don’t go off of my instructions lol

but I did find easier ways to hide my ends and do a couple things different that I wrote down below

So here’s number one:

Granny Square Fingerless Gloves

What it calls for: 

3mm hook (for ribbing 

3.5mm hook (for granny square) 

two colors of yarn 

scissors 

darning needle (or a needle large enough to stick the yarn through)

(I ended up using 4.5mm and 4mm hooks cuz my yarn was larger and also because my yarn was larger I ended up modifying the pattern by chaining 11 and 3 for the ribbing instead of chaining 15 and 4)

You basically just make 2 granny squares and connect them together, by making single crochet stitches up the sides, but on one side you leave a slit open for your thumb to stick through (x2)

Then once they are connected, flip them right side out and start the ribbing by chaining 11

just put a sc in each loop till you get back to the top of the granny square and do 1 slips stitch in two loops, then turn your work

Making sure to always:

• single crochet at the top of the row

• work into the back loop

• count every loop in each row

Can not tell you enough how many times I stopped paying attention and I ended up with nine loops for three rows and had to undo my work (I about cried the first time I did these gloves)

Also something I found really helpful! When you work with two colors, all the videos you watch tell you to tie in your ends and I was always like „how the fuxk“

But I finally found a way to do it in a way that would last (by the way this is just my opinion on how to do it I’m pretty sure there are better ways lmao)

So when you finish what you are doing for example you finish the granny square or you did your last row of ribbing always SLIP STITCH and then cut the yarn

Once the yarn is cut take a large needle that you can fit the end of the yarn in and put it through a couple of the loops so you can get both ends of the yarn right next to each other

To clarify what I mean when I say both ends:

• the first end that’s connected to the starting chain

• the second end that’s connected to your last stitch

Doing this makes it easier to tie the two pieces of yarn together, and I tie them together twice to make sure it’s snug and then I cut the yarn as close to the knot to make it look clean

Also, another thing I found very helpful:

When you are connecting the two granny squares together to form the base of the glove, on the side that you stitch closed completely make sure that you leave a lot of yarn

so that when it comes time to weave it back through the loops you have enough yarn on the ends to work with so that you can get both the starting yarn and the ending yarn pieces really close together for tying your ends in

This just helps to make sure that they are for sure not gonna come untied

p.s. I really tried to get good photos of my work but alas I had to wear the gloves so the photos were done my grandmother lmao

If you have any questions shoot them my way :D

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period 

I realized I haven't shared it my most successful piece: the SHIP DYNAMIC!

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couldn’t have been said more eloquently

ill tell you whats wrong with the kids these days,

Not enough fucking vampirism.

Nobody goes to old creepy castles and thinks ‘very old and creepy’ anymore

nobodys willing to leave open a window and sleep in a v neck blouse.

kids these days are lacking the true american values;

being gay and fucking vampires

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not me learning from natsu 

Natsu, about Lucy: me and the bad bitch i pulled by following her everywhere and never leaving her alone

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Graphic vibes

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it goes both ways lmao

they are very stupid and i love them

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mmh tasty 

is THE best ship dynamic

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Tropites,

it has one braincell.

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good shit !

NaLu analysis: tension and shipping

A few months ago, shippers brought up an interesting concept: “Tension.” Which led to the question, what does “tension” mean in the context of relationships? Doesn’t NaLu have this element in their bonding?

Let’s start by answering, what’s Tension?

It seems some people deliberately leave it vague as they don’t specify if it is “romantic tension” or “sexual tension.” So, we’re going to briefly explore both concepts to see if we find either something from other premises that doesn’t belong in NaLu, or something that fits their relationship and growth as seen in Mashima’s works.

Let’s start by assuming shippers use the term as Romantic Tension

There are a lot of concepts and factors involved, but to make it simple we can define “romantic tension” as the anticipation produced by the way two characters gravitate towards each other before their eventual relationship upgrade. Such interactions usually have some uniqueness to them, and depending on the writer and the characters, it may include a mix of both nervousness and excitement.

We have to make clear appearing in the panel/frame or having the same reaction to certain things or events is not ‘gravitating toward each other,’ so those scenes don’t count as “tension.”

What does count as romantic tension?

So, which girl does Natsu gravitate towards the most?

It’s kinda hard to miss that since the story started Natsu, slowly but surely, developed a strong attachment to Lucy. It started with Natsu doing what he never did during his whole life in the guild: form a team

They kept growing so close they eventually got the point that he sticks to her a lot more often, even when having the choice to make up for the lost time with his childhood friend by the time of the GMG arc…

…to the point when having to choose between the thrill of battle in the magic games or going on a secret mission to rescue Lucy, he easily chose Lucy.

Bonus points for Lucy getting a little blushed and clearly overjoyed when she got to know about it.

The story also highlights who, more often than not, stays in Lucy’s house eagerly waiting for her return…

He tends to go to Lucy’s home more often that anyone else, and that special chapter revealed he just does it because he wants to be her.

Also, who was the first person he wanted to go with him to battle Hades?

…and as Lisanna predicted, Natsu drew strength from the fact Lucy was by his side even when everyone else was losing hope

Before the Alvarez battle started, who did Natsu choose to spend the night with?

The one who actually got him to talk about the future and rationalize the thrill he feels in battle was Lucy. More often than not, Natsu tends to gravitate towards her, and that’s part of the reason why some of the most meaningful moments come up naturally without any of them being out of character. So, we can say there’s some sort of tension there

But, what about Lucy?

Well, after sharing so much with Natsu she began to feel attached to him too. But, the most notable showings are the ones who showcase the emotional chemistry between the characters. Think about this: who did she turned when needing relief…

At the finale of the GMG arc, who did she run to when overwhelmed by, according to the narrative, a warm feeling dwelling in her chest?

Her first impulse was going to Natsu, and it doesn’t feel forced at all given the context around the moment; feelings trascending space and time, but ultimately Lucy’s own feelings, draw her to Natsu. Before the guild disbanded, who did Lucy run after?

Notice that despite having many guildmates, who are practically her family, it’s the prospect of Natsu’s absence what would make her feel lonely even if the guild were to be there for her. Still, after the disbandment was announced, she didn’t run after any other guild member.

Who did she stick to after the events of HEROs? Who did she seek to prank her new friend? And who did she stay with the rest of their time?

It should be clear by now that the one person Lucy gravitates towards the most is Natsu. So, it’s only logical to conclude there’s “tension” between them as these unique interactions create some sort of suspense or hype around their bond and its potential to grow and evolve into something stronger.

Still, we have another term to cover: Sexual Tension

It’s not the first time we tackled this subject in blogs or forums. Sexual tension occurs when two characters have sexual desires for each other, but they either hold back or never act on those urges. It’s also used to create anticipation, since the only resolve that tension is for the character to get “intimate” with the person they desire.

It sounds crazy when you think about how the manga already told us that neither Natsu or Lucy have much experience with love, and take a look at how they respond to the subject. E.g. recall how Lucy reacts to the prospect of having a child with Natsu?

But, we can use a loophole: Drunk Lucy. It started in a OVA, made it into the manga, and stayed with us ever since

When Lucy gets drunk, the only target of her rather suggestive “affection” is Natsu

As for Natsu. Oddly enough, it’s difficult to find Natsu “horny” even during fanservice involving NaLu. Some omakes may do the trick. But, the closest thing we got in the main storyline is feeling “good” when having Yokai Lucy firmly wrapped around him:

If we were to use those rare moments, we could say Natsu may be attracted to Lucy in more ways than one. So, despite how oblivious Natsu is, and how shy Lucy gets with the subject at hand, it’s possible to argue there’s some sort of “tension” in this regard

But, this is merely a small bonus. The true strength of NaLu is in the first kind of tension mentioned here, which is further enhanced by the solid chemistry they haveA lively and exciting dynamic made even more special due to the emotional attachment they cultivated for one another

Bonus:

Still, it’s pretty interesting seeing shippers use similar arguments to promote premises that contradict NaLu. It’s not uncommon to find fans claiming that NaLu will be canon only because Mashima said so, and because Juvia survived the Alvarez arc, while stating Lucy has “tension” with other guy(s).

So, if Mashima hadn’t commented on Natsu and Lucy being the most “suitable” paring, and/or had Juvia died on the Alvarez arc, then NaLu wouldn’t have a chance? Does the pairing depends on author’s commentary and Juvia’s well-being? That makes NaLu sound forced

And when it comes to the claims of tension, remember the definition(s)? So, according to shippers, Lucy will end up with Natsu, but she gravitates towards someone else, probably because she feels sexual desire for this person, and the only way to resolve that kind of tension is having sex with the other guy… That doesn’t make any sense

The issue is that Natsu doesn’t fit the romantic cliché several shippers want. He’s too quirky and dorky, he’s not sexy enough, he doesn’t throw corny or cheesy one-liners, and he’s not actively seeking romance for he’s inexperienced in that particular field. But, even without clichés, he bonded with Lucy to the point of being completely comfortable with the child he could potentially have with Lucy: Nasha

To the point of offering most of what a relationship needs to grow into something stronger and deeper, as explained in another analysis, Natsu provides Lucy with a sense of adventure that brings her joy and excitment as well as giving her both emotional and practical support

All of these are traits that make romantic relationships prosper. The more you break down the reasoning shippers present, the less sense it makes. For example, did Natsu’s meaningful gestures to Lucy depended on Mashima’s commentary?

Did their most powerful moments happened only because Juvia served as some sort of deterrent to other premises?

Shippers may say or imply that’s case. But, what the author’s works convey is something entirely different. Their bond is stronger, not because of Juvia or interviews, its strength comes from the chemistry they built through the profound effect the had on each other. The tension they have, it’s only there to keep us waiting for their eventual relationship upgrade.