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Jeff: So, you lied to me? Ness: That depends on how you define lying. Jeff: Well, I define it as not telling the truth. How do you define it? Ness: Um, reclining your body in a horizontal position?

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Porky: Welcome to my house. As you can see I have knocked over many chairs because I get so tilted at the towers.

Lucas: Well this isn't really titled or a tower.

Porky: Well you see, it's a gamer pad. not many girls come in here because i get friend zoned so frequently, but that's ok.

Lucas : I'd like to be in the friend zone! I like friends!

Porky: It's not as pleasant as you think. They don't treat you like a friend, they treat you like an item. Sometimes I wish I could be more than just an accessory to these women. But unfortunately, as a gamer I don't get respect.

Lucas : Well I'm not a gamer, so maybe they will respect me!

Porky: That just makes you a beta cuck. That's the difference between you and I, Lucas from Mother 3, I'm an alpha gamer!

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Ness: Paula- Paula what's up?

Paula, crying: I can't believe this... Ness it's horrible god I can't do this!

Ness: What happened? Did someone die, is everything okay?

Paula, sobbing: THEY CANCELLED MY FAVORITE TV SHOW!

Ness, running out of the room: JEFF I NEED BACKUP!

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Kumatora: Hey want to see a funny trick?

Lucas: Yeah sure!

Kumatora: *the perfect replication of a early 2000s sitcom laugh track*

Lucas:

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Wess: So. Who broke it? I’m not mad. I just want to know.

Duster:  I did. I broke it…

Wess:  No. No, you didn’t. Kumatora?

Kumatora: Don’t look at me. Look at Porky.

Porky: What?! I didn’t break it.

Kumatora:  Huh. That’s weird. How did you even know it was broken?

Porky:  Because it’s sitting right in front of us and it’s broken!

Kumatora:  Suspicious.

Porky:  No, it’s not!

Fassad:  If it matters, probably not… Ionia was the last one to use it.

Ionia:  Liar! I don’t even drink that crap!

Fassad:  Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

Ionia:  I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that!

Duster: Alright let’s not fight. I broke it, let me pay for it--

Wess:  No. Who broke it?

Porky:  [whispering] Mister, Lucas's been awfully quiet…

Lucas:  Really?!

Porky:  Yeah, really!

 …

Wess:  I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it. I predict ten minutes from now, they’ll be at each other’s throats with warpaint on their faces and a pigmask head on a stick. Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

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Tony: Jeff, I’m still waiting...

Jeff, busy: Dang that’s crazy.

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Ness: So I’ve been thinking...

Jeff: What is it, Ness?

Ness: Why is Mr. Saturn... like that?

Jeff: What?

Ness: Mr. Saturn.

Jeff: I know what you’re talking about, but I’m not sure what you mean. He’s totally normal.

Ness: What? No he’s... not...

Jeff: He is.

Ness:

Jeff:

Ness: 

Jeff:

Ness, squinting: okay.

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I'm back! It's been awhile but I have finally logged back online.

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Ness: Pizza, Pasta,

Jeff: put it in a box?

Ness: de li ver it

Jeff: to my house-

Paula: AND PUT IT ON

All 3 of them: MY C-

The Moms (tm): NO!

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Boney:

Ba

(Hi)

Ha ba ba

(Its me)

Ha babadegada

(I’m the dog.)

Hababadadeba

(My name is the dog.)

Hadebadegadega

(Everyone likes me.)

Ha da da

(I’m cute.)

Ha ba ba

(I think I will)

Habebadegadega

(bark at nothing now.)

Ba

(Bark)

Ba

(Bark)

Ba ba ba

(Bark bark bark)

Ba ba ba ba

(Bark bark bark bark)

Ba ba ba ba ba

(Bark bark bark bark bark)

Ba

(Bark)

Ba

(Bark)

Ba

(Bark)

Habababa

(Who’s that)

Habababababa

(Coming up over the horizon in my sky.)

Ba

(Ba)

Bababababa

(Who dares?)

King:

Awwwwwwwww

(Awwwwwwwww) 

Hawawaw

(It’s me.) 

Haaaaaaaa

(The dog of wisdom.) 

Haaaaaa ha wa wa wa 

(I dispense wisdom from my mighty)

Haaaaaaaa

(Wisdom tooth.) 

Boney:

Ha Hadebadega

(Hi.  What is your wisdom?)

King:

Ha wa wa wa 

(Here is my wisdom.)

Ha bababa

(If your ball)

Ha wa wa waaa

(Is too big for your mouth,) 

Haaaaaaaa

(It’s not yours.) 

Boney:

Hadebada

(That is a good wisdom.)

King:

Haaaa 

(Thanks)

Ha wa wa wa 

(I also know a few)

Ha wa wa wa 

(Knock knock jokes)

Ha ha 

(Knock, knock.) 

Boney:

Ha dedatch?

(Who’s there?)

King:

Ba

(Ball.)

Boney:

Badaga

(Ball who?)

King, singing:

Ba da da ba da de

(BallIEVE it or not) 

Be ga de ba ga 

(I’m walking on air)

BOTH DOGS, singing: 

Habadegadebades 

(I never thought I could feel)

Ha da ba 

(So free hee hee!) 

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Ness: woah! Guys come check this out!

Lucas: What is it Ness?

Ninten: Yeah?

Travis: What's up?

Ness: We have over 100 followers now!

Lucas: what's that mean?

Claus: are 100 people stalking us?!

Ness: no! It means 100 people like the funny jokes we make!

Ninten: oh yeah, that makes more sense.

Travis: sweet!

Ness, Lucas, and the rest of the crew: Thank you!

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Ness: So, who are you?

Travis: I'm Travis! From the uh... 4th installment of your series.

Ness: Oh that's cool...

Travis:

Ness:

Lucas: We don't have a fourth installment.

Ness: shh shut up Lucas!

Travis, tearing up: IT MAY BE UNOFFICIAL BUT I EXIST!

Lucas, panicking: oh- uh- oh no

Ness: LUCAS WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

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Ness: Okay, so, I know we just defeated Giygas but I have a really cool idea.

Jeff: What is it, Ness?

Ness: We time travel back, but this time, we hug giygas instead.

Paula: Ness I barely saved us what do you mean go hug it, it'll kill us.

Ness: he could be our friend! You guys are just...

Poo: Giygist?

Ness: Giygist!

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Jeff: Ness, I believe I have learned of a new... Thing.

Ness: what is it Jeff?

Jeff: Tony asked me why I was not familiar with his "vine quoting" so I decided to do some extensive research. I do not understand this fully but-

Jeff: Vitis

Ness: what?

Jeff: Vitis, the taxenomical name of the vine.

Ness: Jeff that isn't what he means...

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Paula: sometimes I wish Ness wasn't so cruel...

Poo: It does not appear that Ness is cruel, what did he do miss Paula?

Paula: I THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO ASK ME OUT BUT THEN HE GOT 20 BUCKS AND BOUGHT A GODDAMN DONUT!

Poo, sweating nervously: O-oh, well, miss Paula-

Paula: WHAT

Poo: I believe my sensei used to say that uh... Patience is virtue.

Paula, hitting Poo with a frying pan:

Poo, laying on the ground in pain:

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Jeff: According to my calculations, 1 in 4 members of a group are homosexual.

Poo: Well I'm not homosexual.

Paula: I'm not homosexual..

Ness: I'm pretty sure I'm not gay

Ness, Paula and Poo looking slowly at Jeff:

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Lucas: Ness?

Ness: yeah?

Lucas: Okay, this is going to be hard to understand, but...

Ness: What is it? Did someone die? Someone find out Jeff's gay?

Lucas: Jeff's gay?

Ness: uh... n-

Tony: Yeah!