jade-the-entertainer

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Y’all I’m watching a show from the 90s and on this episode they made AI chat bots of historical figures and used them to make deepfake propaganda.

This 25 year old show is so dang relevant.

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What can I say, I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus.

you're humming. Santa's cheating on Mrs Claus And you're humming. Santa's committing blatant adultery with an ingénue sugar baby w/ the voice of an angel Eartha Kitt. and you're SINGING ALONG

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My therapist just told me my problem is that I need to write more fanfiction.

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So I actually drafted this a few weeks ago while I was in the woods and forgot to post it. Then the following week I got hired.

One must imagine Sisyphus employed.

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One must imagine Sisyphus employed.

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Does anyone else ever stare at their own artwork like narcissus at his own reflection?

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Somebody anybody please

Send me every clip you can of scar talking about hoes and how he loves hoes

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this idea has been in my brain for over 2 months and I finally had time to make it. is this too earnestly cringe to upload? i am beyond the capacity to care. enjoy

now on youtube!

[link to drive folder w/ downloads including instrumental]

Everything was chill back in Hermitcraft 6 (lying)

Then Grian got up to his usual tricks 

The name of the game is kill or be killed

No swords no bows no PVP skills

First Rendog found his inner fish

But he couldn’t stick the landing and his bones went squish

Stress flew through the dares with talent and grace

But she didn’t catch the totem and she fell on her face

Then Ren came back with a sinister vice

Tricked X with a race and blew him up twice

Looks like steel beams can’t be melted by slime

‘Cause Jevin didn’t see Mumbo’s tower in time

Stress set a trap at the shopping district

And dropped Scar right into a pufferfish pit

Cub’s stunt got stuck and X felt robbed

So he got a skeleton to finish the job

This is the Hermitcraft showdown of Hermitcraft destiny

Players, mobs, and explosions as far as the eye can see

And only one will survive, I wonder who it will be

This is the Hermitcraft showdown of Hermitcraft destiny

Tango and Impulse were shopping at the mall

But the store detonated and it killed them all

Grian had a no-good-very-bad-day 

And when he made it back home he got blown away

Then False broke a block and before she could speak

A giant underground explosion sent her into next week 

Cleo signed up for a warehouse tour

But she didn’t read the waiver and she fell through the floor

And TinFoilChef went laughing to the grave

Then without another word went back into his caves

Tango’s game was a race against the clock

And Keralis threw an egg at the most explosive block  

Now revenge is a dish that’s best served cold 

But Bdubs got it boiling as Cleo foretold

And when Joe got the rug pulled from under his feet

He tried to play it cool but he couldn’t take the heat 

This is the Hermitcraft showdown of Hermitcraft destiny

It’s 90% explosions as far as the eye can see

And only one will survive, I wonder who it will be

This is the Hermitcraft showdown….

In another dimension

With danger abound

Mumbo threw his ender-pearl

But missed solid ground

And Doc had played smart

But Grian played mean

He was dead on arrival,

The trap unforeseen

Then one player remained,

One Dragon Head left-

For the ride of his life, 

Iskall auctioned his death

He beat Joe Hills And ZombieCle-o

And every other member of the Dragon Bros:

FalseSymmetry and BDoubleO

And Grian and Mumbo Jumbolio 

Also Rendog, Jevin, TangoTek and Cubfan, 

Stress, Scar, and X just couldn’t beat the Iskallman

TinFoilChef or ImpulseSV

Doc can rock with blocks but can’t flee

So Grian and Impulse forged a team

And together they built a death machine

With a narrative arc from beginning to end

And a wild surprise around every bend

When the show and the ride were finally done

Our champion knew that his course had run

All that remains from the end of this fight 

Is a piece of bloodstained diorite 

This is the hermitcraft showdown of hermitcraft destiny

Just way too many explosions - where do they get all that TNT???

And only one will survive, I wonder who it will be

This is the Hermitcraft showdown

(this is the Hermitcraft showdown)

This is the Hermitcraft showdown  

(this is the Hermitcraft showdown)

This is the Hermitcraft showdown 

(this is the Hermitcraft showdown)

Of Hermitcraft destiny

[jade-the-entertainer]

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lore mode

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The only thing keeping me going is the 1989 broadway production of into the woods.

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Let me tell y’all the story of the first (and last) time I played a bard.

So I was playing a one shot with some of my cousins and I had put together a bard in the college of eloquence, modeled after the one and only @joehills

And there came a point where the party had to break a guy out of prison. So the party told me to distract the guard while they work busting the geezer out. Problem is, while my bard is a master wordsmith who can pull a speech or rhyme out of anywhere, I am not. So I really struggled to think of anything to say while my teenage cousins yelled all matter of pickup lines at me. I eventually managed to remember the classic line “are you from Tennessee? Cause you’re the only 10 I see” except I only remembered half of it and blurted out “you’re the Tennessee!”. And then I rolled an 8 for performance. So needless to say the guard was not impressed.

Then my sister, playing a tabaxi named soup in a studded leather bikini, effortlessly slid into the conversation and seduced the guard, leaving my bard to pay bail.

In my defense, my bard’s charisma was meant for confusing and bamboozling, but alas, it was I who was bamboozled.

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Because you’re you.

How do I lose all sense of shame?

Hey why are you asking me this

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pay attention in school, kids, it helps you write minecraft fanfiction

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I don’t care that the meme is old

THE WAFFLE HOUSE HAS FOUND ITS NEW HOST

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My sister learned about the nature of liquid oxygen and now “drowning” people in it has become her favorite form of torture

Oxygen is exremely addictive, once you start breathing you are addicted for the rest of your life.

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Someone help me I can’t tell whether or not this plant is edible