jahaerra

[jahaerra]

𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐇, 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐠𝐬 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞

trigger warning: drug abuse, overdose, mental health problems

wattpad: reflectingsouls

𝐈𝐓 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐐𝐔𝐈𝐓𝐄 innocently. You're having a night out with friends, one of them brings someone new, and they have a joint with them.

Because everyone does it, you take a drag, and it's quite funny, at least for you and most of the others. One of you is lying on the sofa in a cold sweat, wincing every now and then because a strange panic is gripping him.

You like the calming effect the joint has on you. It makes you forget all the problems you usually feel every second. You do it a few more times when you're with friends, and you still like it.

A few weeks go by without any parties, and that's when you get the idea to get yourself a joint. The dealer is easy to find, much easier than maybe it should be, and you meet him in the middle of the night. He sells you weed for probably way too high a price, and he tells you to call him if you want some more.

You go home and smoke your first lonely joint, without a party, it's just you at home.

In the following weeks, you meet the dealer more often, sometimes with friends of his. He is about your age, and although he sells you something illegal, you are very friendly with each other.

You are used to the sedative effect of the joint by now, maybe some people wouldn't even know you are high when they see you.

One evening you get a message from your dealer. He's got a delivery of weed that you've been waiting for, and he's also got something new for you to try.

You feel a bit sick to your stomach, but you can just take the weed and leave. You meet up with him, today two of his friends are with him again, who you have also met before.

You get your weed, then the dealer tells you about the pills he has. You know what they are because you have researched them several times, and you also know that the effect of the pills is really strong.

He offers you the first pill for half price, because after all you are friends, and because it is far too cheap for the lethal effect anyway, you buy it.

You go home, on the internet you find instructions on how to consume the pill. It's actually a powerful anaesthetic used for tumour pain or nerve disorders, but if you crush the little pill and then take it, it works so quickly that it's tantamount to an extreme high.

The testimonials are worrying, with some writing of emergency room visits, incessant vomiting and panic. You put the pill in a small tin in your room and light your joint, you can always use it again.

A week later, the narcotic effect of the joint is no longer enough to satisfy you. You reach for the pill and crush it in a small tin, before you can change your mind you put the powder on your tongue and swallow it.

The effect is quicker than you thought. You feel woozy, like you did after the anaesthetic when you broke your arm as a kid.

Your head feels like cotton wool and you have a strong urge to lie down.

The effect is even stronger as you lie on your back in bed, the white blanket enveloping you like mist.

You stare upwards, but you don't register what you are seeing until you suddenly fall into a sleep. You dream more intensely than ever before, but after two minutes you wake up again.

Sweat forms on your skin, but you fall asleep again so quickly that you do not panic. Again you dream intensely. And again you wake up after a few minutes.

The whole thing is repeated several times until you are so exhausted that you just fully fall asleep.

When you wake up, the intoxication is over, but you feel dizzy. Your clothes are soaked with sweat and your hair is sticking to your forehead, you try to get up and collapse back onto the bed. Only on your second attempt can you rise, automatically your legs lead you to the bathroom.

You vomit over the toilet bowl, several times, until only bile comes out, your body feels as if it is being crushed.

Eventually you lie with your cheek on the cold tiles, you shiver slightly because you are freezing, but you don't want to get up for fear of throwing up again.

No one finds you as you lie there, you are all alone.

Only hours later you feel better, the after-effect of the drug has worn off, but you are still weak.

You light a joint and sit by your window. As you stare out, you think about the trip.

The consequences were shitty, but the time you spent numbing everything inside and just dreaming and thinking without feeling was incredible. You could finally forget all the shit that usually surrounds you. You don't realise that your problems are only getting bigger because of the drugs.

The more you take the pills, the less consequences there will be. You decide to buy another one next time, after all they are not even expensive.

Your dealer has followed through with his plan and made you an even better customer, and you have taken the first big step into addiction and the related destruction of your young body.

But sure, in the beginning it was just fun with friends.

[jahaerra]

How To Become a Myth

- Nikita Gill

1.

Fly into the sun, defy anyone who tells you that you cannot love Him.

The ocean will break your fall. even if it is by drowning you.

(You knew he would burn you, Icarus you simply thought he was worth the risk)

2.

Get stolen by a God away from the meadows you once knew, wood nymph.

Become Queen of the Underworld. Turn the land of the dead into home.

(You knew didn’t you, Kore? How to survive you would become Persephone?)

3.

Turn yourself into an echo of the person you used to be, then fall in love with him.

And when he doesn’t notice you Instead falls in love with himself, pine away.

(Narcissus could never love you, dear Echo. Not the way he loved himself.)

4.

Become an indestructible monster. Become the thing that warriors speak of in hushed breaths in terror.

When you finally do die at someone’s hands make sure it is glorious.

(Theseus was the only end worthy of you, Minotaur.)

5.

When the Sea God assaults you, turn people into stone. Turn Gods into stone.

Turn anything that threatens you ever again into stone.

(Medusa, Athena turned you monster to protect you. She took your beauty to give you power.)

6.

Adore her so much that the world grieves with your broken heart’s song.

Almost save her from the Underworld. Almost.

(Orpheus, all you had to do was not turn to look at her.)

7.

Marry a God King.

Watch him betray you over and over again. Become bitter and cruel.

Recognise he will never respect you. Promise to make him suffer till he does.

(Hera, I know why you couldn’t leave him, it was all for love, it was all for love)

8.

Become an undefeated warrior in a war where you lose everything you love.

Even the one you love most of all. Don’t realise it. Keep fighting.

(Achilles, Patroclus’ love would have made you immortal anyway.)

9.

Be unhappy in your marriage. Find a dangerous Prince who promises you a real love.

Run away with him

Do not think of the consequences.

(Helen, you didn’t just launch a thousand ships you set kingdoms ablaze.)

10.

Destroy everyone you love in a murderous rage.

Go on a journey hoping it will kill you

(Hercules tell the truth, you hoped those tasks would be your destruction didn’t you?)

Addendum:

Don’t become a myth. Stay human.

Stay mortal.

It is less wounds.

I promise. It is less wounds.

[jahaerra]

guys please appreciate my hard work tonight

[jahaerra]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐞𝐚, 𝐃𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐚𝐧𝐨 𝐃𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐝

summary: Four years after fleeing from her father in Italy, Coraline meets her ex-boyfriend Damiano David again in Rotterdam. The two immediately reconnect and it doesn't take long for Coraline to realize that she never stopped loving Damiano.

Pairing: Damiano David x female oc

warnings: none

this is actually just an excerpt from my damiano fanfic on wattpad, which is already finished, my username on there is reflectingsouls and the story is called ‘Coraline’

There was a piece of paper on the pillow, creases in the paper as if it had been folded over and over again.

There were only a few lines on it, like a short poem, and I recognised my own neat handwriting.

❝ Our Story ends here and it has been fulfilling.

I'll miss you, terribly I leave you - lovingly.

Until the next life. ❞

I had left this note at his house before I had left Italy four years ago.

He had kept it and carried it with him all this time. A single tear rolled down my cheek.

Damiano opened the balcony door when he came out of the shower. The sound of the rain was louder, but the roofing of the balcony ensured that it did not rain into the room.

It was dark outside, no stars could be seen in the sky because it was so cloudy and even the moonlight seemed to be drowning under the impending thunderstorm.

I had put the note back on the pillow. My eyes wandered over Damiano. Once again he was wearing only sweatpants and no shirt. Il Ballo della vita. The dance of life.

I traced the contours of his muscles with my eyes and followed his every move. It was dark in the room too, we hadn't switched on the light, but I could see him clearly.

He folded a shirt and put it in his wardrobe, then turned to me and came towards the bed.

"Comfy?" he asked, the corners of his mouth twitching as he saw me lying there, wrapped in his blanket and with my head on his pillow. It smelled like him and that left a pleasant feeling inside me.

"Yes" I replied against the pillow and heard a soft laugh from Damiano. He settled down next to me on the bed, then his eyes fell on the note. He reached for it and let it disappear in his fist.

"Too late, I've already seen it," I said, smiling slightly at him, "I didn't think you'd keep it that long."

"The note was the last thing you gave me," he replied as if that was a justification for keeping it for four years.

"The last sentence always seemed to me like a promise that all was not lost. That there would be another chance for us if we met again under different circumstances," he added.

My chest ached when he said that. His voice was soft and rough, more so than usual.

"And now we are here, but we are plagued by the same worries as before," I murmured. Damiano frowned, "You think so?" "Yes, my father followed us here, he won't leave me alone."

"But now you are no longer bound to him. Neither is Sophia. You can stand up to him instead of fleeing, I can help you." "I don't know if I really can," I sighed with honest concern.

The rain continued to beat against the windows.

"You can, I believe in you," Damiano assured me. "I've waited for you to come back home," he whispered.

So, Marlena, come back home, I feel it's getting cold in here So, Marlena, come back home, I don't want to wait anymore

"I've wondered how often the world reminded you of me, because it wouldn't let me forget you," he added, and the words made my throat dry. "I'm no less broken than I used to be," I said in a raspy voice.

"I don't mind that"

"You say that now, but once I'm committed to you, you'll have the weight on your shoulders that I carry with me every day. You will regret loving me," I was convinced of what I was saying.

"Never say such a thing. I could never regret having loved you. We belong together, Coraline.", he rose from the bed, his voice sounding a little angry.

I, too, straightened up "Damiano, listen to me-", I begged him. His silhouette was dark as a flash of lightning twitched across the sky, followed by thunder.

I flinched because the loud sound startled me and it was like a reminder of all the broken pieces that made up my soul.

"I've already told you that, back in Italy, but I'm grateful we shared this time together. Maybe we found our forever at the wrong time, and someday, we can be back together again, but not while I'm still broken. I want to be good for you, I want to enrich your life and make you happy, and not be responsible for you worrying and suffering. I want to be the calm sea on a sunny day, but today I am the deadly waves during a storm."

Damiano listened to me without interrupting. His brown eyes watched me keenly as I spoke, while my voice grew louder and fiercer until I was almost shouting because I was so angry and desperate myself that I kept getting in my own way.

After I had spoken the words, there was a silence between us. I walked towards Damiano, who was standing in front of the open balcony door, the moon shining through the ripped cloud cover and illuminating his chest, making him look paler than usual.

He looked as if he was not of this world, beautiful and desperate.

The storm was raging outside, lightning was flashing across the sky and I didn't know what else to say to make Damiano understand what he was getting into if he wanted to be with me. I wanted to protect him, for his sake, from me.

It was when the thunder let out its loudest rumble yet that Damiano turned to me and spoke.

"You said maybe time will pull us back together again. Don't you think that time has come now? Don't get me wrong, I would gladly spend a lifetime waiting for you to come clean with yourself so that you can love me like you imagine if that meant we could be together again, but I don't know if we can ever be like other couples, I don't know if I even want that. Your past is a scar that you will carry into your future, you can't forget it, just like I can't forget you.", his voice was low.

"I'm not leaving you just because you're broken, I want to pick up your pieces and help you heal. You always act like it's impossible for me to be with you because you're so broken, but it matters what I think, it matters if I'm capable of having you in my life, and I am! I wouldn't have it any other way, Coraline!"He left me speechless. His loud and angry words sounded like pure poetry and they were meant for me alone.

I hadn't even noticed how the tears began to run down my cheeks, but they did. Silently and secretly. I felt the salt water of the tears on my lips. I was the sea. This sentence had burnt itself into my brain so much.

"But you said it yourself, Damiano. You said it in this song. Sea is inside of me and the sea drowns everything that comes near it. I don't want you to drown in my waves!", I spoke again much louder than before, Damiano's and my tempers were heated and like the storm that was raging outside, a storm raged between us.

"Well maybe my love for the sea is greater than my fear of drowning", his voice was raspy, rough and loud. Angry.

I sobbed as he crossed the distance between us, his hands finding my cheeks and wiping away the tears that ran down like a river. The startling gentleness of that touch was in harsh contrast to the angry words that had left his lips.

While the storm raged around us, Damiano lowered his head and looked into my eyes.

The deep brown was unfathomable, the pain and desire was in them.

"Coraline," he whispered much more softly than before, then his lips met mine and I was overcome by the most incredible feeling I had ever felt.

It wasn't our first kiss, but it felt like it was. His lips kept gently brushing mine, I felt the love he had for me with every touch. The thunder, no matter how loud, died away in my ears, while it felt like there was only Damiano and me in this universe.

I don't know how long we kissed, how long our lips met again and again, doing the dance of our lives, until Damiano broke away from me and rested his forehead against mine.

"Do you understand what I mean now?" he asked me with a slight smile, his breath quickening and I was sure his heart was beating just as fast as mine.

"Yes, yes I understand what you mean. I'm so sorry Damiano, I only ever wanted the best for you.", the tears had dried up but they seemed to come back into my eyes as I said this. The sheer magnitude of his love for me made me want to cry.

"The best thing for me is to be with you, Coraline.", he whispered and kissed my lips again, this time very briefly and light as a feather.

"I love you, Damiano," I said sincerely, looking into the eyes that I loved so much.

"And I love you, Coraline. Always," he replied so softly that I almost couldn't hear it anymore, then he put his lips on mine again and it felt like the hole in my heart was finally closed.

I wasn't healed, I was still broken, but I had Damiano, he loved me, and I loved him. Together we could do anything.

poem credit: n.m. sanchez

[jahaerra]

[jahaerra]

[jahaerra]

feyre: what are you reading?

rhysand: a book of things i love

feyre: rhys, that’s just a photo album of me

rhysand: oh my, what a coincidence

[jahaerra]

I’d rather have a Hades in my life than a Zeus. There’s something far more appealing in a man who is as dark as the night sky but loyal, as opposed to a man who is brighter than the sun but has a dishonest heart.

- Nievana Judisthir

[jahaerra]

Have you ever read a fan fic that has destroyed you physically and mentally and yet when you finished, you just sat there looking at the phone screen thinking

“Shit, this changed me as a person”

[jahaerra]

Looking for a guy who:

-is adorable

-loves to read

-is loyal

-has brown eyes

-has brown hair

-has scars

-is a wizard

-turns into a werewolf on the full moon

-nicknamed moony

-remus lupin

-im looking for remus lupin

[jahaerra]

“People come and go in your life, but the right ones will always stay.”

— Lessons Learned in Life

[jahaerra]

And some people will ask you to dance in the rain, while others will walk with you under their umbrellas. Yet, some people will show you, how to do both.

Love may mean a lot of things. //ma.c.a

[jahaerra]

“In my memory, it doesn’t end. We just stay there, looking at each other, forever.”

— John Green; Paper Towns

[jahaerra]

Tony: *gets on a dangerous alien spaceship*

Peter: *gets on a dangerous alien spaceship*

Tony:

[jahaerra]

#FamousFigures | Simon Slowkiss

(Requests Are Open)

@iamwavvyboi on instagram

[jahaerra]

Geb ein Shoutout an den Drugstore, 120 mg Survival in nem Blister

Blister by wavvyboi

[jahaerra]

“ ich will dich nochmal treffen und es neu versuchen, meine fehler wiederrufen ”

wavvyboi