jaina-anne

[jaina-anne]

Two days after my 26th birthday I got to go on a great trip to Atlanta for a national counseling conference. To me, this was a big deal because I had never gone to a national counseling conference before, I had never even gone out of town for any type of counseling event.

Now to me Atlanta has always meant one thing, the Georgia Aquarium. It has the 2nd largest tank in the world, 6.3 million gallons, which is beat only by an aquarium in Singapore. It’s the only place that can handle whale sharks. Once 8 years ago I got to visit the Georgia Aquarium with my brother and we said “One day we’re going to scuba dive in that tank with the whale sharks.”

That wasn’t something I thought about often. It was expensive, far away, difficult to coordinate, etc. For me it was just one of those things I would do one day. Despite having gotten my scuba certification I still didn’t consider going to Atlanta to do this. Money and distance was still a factor. It still felt like a universe away. But one day, yeah one day I was totally going to do it.

Then I was offered this business trip to Atlanta which was paid for with a grant I had gotten in school. The thought of swimming in the tank on this trip briefly crossed my mind in the way one might briefly think about cliff diving before laughing and shrugging that thought aside. I didn’t even bring my scuba certification card because I knew I wouldn’t be scuba diving, but I packed a bathing suit so I could potentially swim laps in the hotel pool. You know, since I couldn’t like rock climb while I was on the trip and I had to exercise somehow.

I completely forgot about the Georgia Aquarium until boarding the flight when one of my fellow travelers said “We’re going to the Georgia Aquarium right after we land. You should come with us.” I was down. Heck yeah I wanted to visit the aquarium with them. And then I got on the plane. The boring boring plane. I don’t do well with boredom.

So I started casually looking up information about scuba diving in their tank and whether it’s safe to scuba dive right after getting off of a flight. By the time we got off the plane I was highly considering it, but I was trying to adopt this new approach of “go with the flow” I didn’t want to plan to do it and then get crushed if it didn’t happen.

We got to the hotel, checked in, and registered for the conference. Four people had already gone ahead to the aquarium and the other four that I was with decided not to go. So I took off walking in the rain to the aquarium. I asked at the ticket booth if they had any dive with the whale shark tickets available and she said no. Disappointed I pushed it aside, because I was still going to see them.

I got some food and met up with my friends and I casually said that if I could be diving with the whale sharks I would totally ditch them for that, which is when my friend pointed out that there was a sign at a desk that said they still had spots available. Trying not to get my hopes up again I asked that desk about it and they started signing me up. Thirty minutes before the tour was supposed to start I was signing up. They even had to look up my information on the NAUI database because I didn’t have my dive card with me.

In the span of twenty minutes I was stuffing food in my face, lost my phone, found my phone, and told my friends that they were getting a backstage tour since I was doing the scuba adventure.

With the other four people who were going scuba diving we watched the whale sharks being fed from above and learned more about the aquarium. After the backstage tour we got in our wetsuits and I began to feel that classic anxiety, just like at the Disney aquarium. I got some magnified goggles from the staff and then sat down as they strapped us into the gear.

This time unlike Disney though we had to do a forward roll into the water instead of just sliding in. I’m brand new to scuba diving and other than the day I was trained in a pool I had never done an entry that wasn’t a walk or slide in. I was panicking and when I panic I make mistakes. This time I remembered to put the regulator in my mouth but I couldn’t settle my anxiety. I did the forward roll in and signaled I was okay but I wasn’t. I felt like I couldn’t breathe even though I could. I popped back up to the surface and realized I was breathing really hard and fast.

The dive master popped up with me, put air in my BC so I could float and helped me calm down. It only took about fifteen seconds, but it’s what I needed. She stopped me from going into total spiral mode. Once I was calm I tried again and had no problems. I literally had let my anxiety from the forward roll stop me from being able to descend. This time with calm steady breaths I descended.

Now unlike Disney’s Dive Quest, this was a complete tour with no time to swim off on your own, which was fine with me. Being by the dive master and the other divers gave me a sense of ease, plus they were able to point out where the cool stuff was.

We did two laps of the large tank, swimming under manta rays and whale sharks, passing right next to a sea turtle, swimming over the aquarium’s iconic tunnel and over to the huge glass window, both times with my friends waving excitedly from the other side.

I still had hardships while in the tank, our tanks of air were made out of steel instead of aluminum which I was used to, and that made it heavier. Because of this I had problems maintaining my balance. Anytime we stopped moving I started tipping forward. My dive buddy, a man I had never met before, often had to reach out and grab my hand so that I didn’t face plant. But that was okay. I appreciated his generosity.

Sure once I got out of the tank I was embarrassed about the anxiety episode and about being unable to keep control of my body in the tank. The euphoria from the dive though didn’t let those feelings linger. I could remind myself that I was still a beginner at diving with a long history of anxiety and it was okay if it took some time to really get the hang of things.  I had crossed one of the biggest accomplishments off of my bucket list. Plus, how many people could say that they had done what I had done. It’s moments like these that remind me that the counseling skills that I learned over the past three years really do work.

I got some awesome photos thanks to my friends on the outside of the tank.

And here’s a video of the dive if you want to see how wobbly my scuba diving was.

Another One Bites The Dust ☑️ Two days after my 26th birthday I got to go on a great trip to Atlanta for a national counseling conference.

[jaina-anne]

My biggest adventure of grad school was actually postponed the first time around. Being a “worrywart” as my grandmother liked to say, means when plans change, I get anxious. Though let’s be real, I was anxious long before I knew the trip was going to be postponed.

You see, in October 2017, approximately one month after Hurricane Irma hit, I was scheduled to go on an outdoor climbing adventure with my school. Saying I was nervous would have been the understatement of a lifetime. First, I was going to have to camp in tents for two days and I have a bad track record when it comes to camping. Plus, I was going to have to interact for three days with an entire van full of people I didn’t know, much to my social anxiety’s dismay. The real kicker though, was that I was going to be bouldering outdoors.

Now don’t get me wrong, I signed up for the trip so that I could boulder outdoors, but that didn’t mean that I wasn’t feeling nervous for it. If you remember one of my previous posts, bouldering is the type of climbing that scares me the most. Being outside when bouldering was just going to make the fear even more intense. It felt like now there really was reason to believe that I could get hurt.

So I had psyched myself up for all of this, more nervous than I could ever describe. Then on the day of the trip we found out that it had to be canceled due to a hurricane being scheduled to hit our campsite on the same day that we were going to be camping there. Instantly I felt this rush of sadness, I had prepared myself as best as I could, I had felt all of that worry, and it felt like it was all for nothing. Once the sadness wore off though I felt ease creeping in. It felt like the universe had sensed that anxiety and had helped me out by making it so I wouldn’t have to go on the trip and face all of these fears.

After a few weeks, the trip got rescheduled for mid November and I started the cycle of worry all over again. This time with the added worry of the cold because it was going to get into the 30s at night while we were sleeping in our tents. This time though I felt even more resilient. I had gotten so much support from my friends at the tower that I felt like it was going to be okay. I even went to the bigger gym in Longwood about a week before the trip so that I could get more experience on harder and more complex bouldering routes than what we have at the tower.

In between when we were supposed to go on the trip the first time, and when we actually went on it, I went on another adventure that had nothing to do with rock climbing. That helped build my confidence and reminded me that if I could do that, I could handle whatever this trip was going to throw at me. I handled the ride up like a pro, made friends with the people along the way, and distracted myself from the worry. At the very least I knew that I would be doing this intimidating trip with kind souls. Together we gushed about how amazing it was to see trees with colorful leaves and ground that wasn’t flat.

When we got to the camp ground we worked together to get everything set up, and people were patient with my limited knowledge on setting up for a campground. Dinner and smores around the campfire was fun, despite the cold air. We had an early night and started the day off early. After breakfast we drove out into what felt like nowhere, and then we hiked further into nowhere, but it was so breathtaking. That would have made the whole thing worth it, even if we didn’t boulder. After all, nature had always been my happy place.

This shouldn’t come as a surprise, but bouldering outdoors is way harder than it is indoors, and it hurts. Imagine climbing on what feels like razors. It’s also a lot scarier. If you fall you have to land on a small crash pad or else you’re in for a world of pain, which I got to experience first hand by falling wrong and scaping every bony part of my body. Bouldering outdoors you actually have to “top out” which means climbing onto the top of the rock and then finding an easier path back down. There were many moments of panic from me, many moments of embarrassment of not doing well enough, but there were never any moments of criticism from my fellow climbers. We all encouraged each other and continued to push hard. I did not complete every problem that I tried, but I walked out of that experience feeling incredibly proud.

That night we got rained on harshly and it helped bond us even further. The next morning, tired and sore we went and saw a waterfall that was on the campgrounds. It was such a beautiful ending to a great trip.

As we made the long trip back from Gadsden, AL to Orlando, FL I reflected on the fact that I am a completely different person than I used to be. Before I started my counseling program and rock climbing I let my anxiety and fear stop me from doing anything that I’m interested in. But now I’m able to hear that anxiety and push myself to follow my dreams anyways. The anxiety isn’t gone by any means, but I have better tools to fight it now and I have great people by my side to support my growth. Before 2017 I never had any desire to climb outdoors. After this trip though I can’t wait for my next opportunity to climb in nature where I belong.

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Some of my favorite pictures can be seen here.

Climbing Closer to Peace My biggest adventure of grad school was actually postponed the first time around. Being a "worrywart" as my grandmother liked to say, means when plans change, I get anxious.

[jaina-anne]

A Lifelong Dream ✔️

It might not be normal, but I’ve had this lifelong dream that would make most people shutter. I want to swim with sharks. At age 25, I made that happen. I have always heard mixed opinions on this dream, from my brother cheering me on because it was a dream of his as well, to my friends telling me I’m crazy for doing something that was potentially “so dangerous.”

So a mere month after I got scuba…

[jaina-anne]

Watching to Grow

I’m going to assume some of you know that I’m interested in ninja warrior stuff. Not as in wanting to try it, but enjoying watching it. I remember being younger and watching the original Japanese show and then watching American Ninja Warrior when it premiered. My interest in it grew and then like three of my friends went on the show and two of them opened up their own gym. All this to say, that…

[jaina-anne]

Topping New Highs

This year I set a goal for myself that was kind of like a moving target. Everyone kept encouraging me to climb a 5.11. Now, I felt nowhere near ready for a 5.11. That’s like a whole new level of ridiculous climbing, it felt comparable to climbing Everest. So I kept saying that I would try one soon. At first it was, “I’ll try a 5.11 after I send a 5.10” and then I sent a 5.10 at the beginning of…

[jaina-anne]

Fifth Times the Charm?

This is the last semester that I can use the rock wall at UCF. Something that completely terrifies me. This was where I fell in love with rock climbing, where all of my friends are. The prospect of having to move permanently to a bigger gym sends shivers down my spine. So I’ve been throwing myself into my rock wall, trying to get everything that I can out of the wall and the people there before…

[jaina-anne]

Femme Friday

One of the things that helped keep me rock climbing despite my own anxiety, was the wonderful supportive community of people there are at what seems like all rock climbing gyms. That being said, one of the more scary things was that when I started rock climbing I was a short, clumsy, unathletic girl who was joining a sport filled with tall, lean muscled, and incredibly strong men. At times I was…

[jaina-anne]

Fulltime Headache

Being a fulltime counselor has been such a rewarding experience so far. I get to counsel kids, watch their growth, understand their struggles, help people in crisis, etc. But loving what I do doesn’t always make my job easy. My job involves a lot of paperwork and complaints. Teachers and parents complain to me about their kids, about my company, sometimes they even complain about me because I’m…

[jaina-anne]

Falling Into Adventure

One of my goals during my last two semesters of my graduate degree was to take advantage of all of the things that my school has to offer before I lost it. That’s part of the reason why I was trying to rock climb as much as possible, and why I was trying to get back into the swing of swimming regularly again. In one years time I took beginners, intermediate, and advanced swim lessons at UCF, and…

[jaina-anne]

Swimming With the Fishes

I recovered from the hurricane and a sick grandmother in the most ridiculous way possible, I learned how to scuba dive. Now to be fair, I had already scheduled and paid to learn how to scuba dive before we knew the hurricane was coming. Still, I could have decided to cancel the class and take it a month later but I didn’t. I guess I decided to do it because I felt like I needed to do something to…

[jaina-anne]

The Calm Before the Storm

Being in Central Florida I’m preparing for Hurricane Irma but that doesn’t mean that life stopped. I still have work and school, and of course, rock climbing. Monday I had a wonderfully packed day with paddle boarding, nature trails, bouldering, and rock climbing. Those other subjects will come up in future blog posts (if I’m not blown away in a few days by the wind). For this blog post I want to…

[jaina-anne]

Facing One of my BIG Fears

For any of my readers who are fellow climbers, first and foremost welcome! Fellow climbers might have noticed that I conveniently never mention bouldering in my blog. I’m always talking about how I’m trying new routes but I never mention bouldering accomplishments, and there is a reason for that. I haven’t made any bouldering accomplishments. For those of you who aren’t climbers you may be…

[jaina-anne]

A Massive Crash and Burn

A Massive Crash and Burn

Just because my last few posts were all rainbows and butterflies doesn’t mean that everything is always going smoothly in my climbing world. As the title suggests, not everything has gone so well. Don’t get me wrong, I have made great strides in climbing and I’m proud to be able to climb every 5.9 at the wall with relative ease, which means that it was perfect timing for a good amount of failure.…

[jaina-anne]

Finally Back at it!

For the past three weeks I have been completely without rock climbing, despite my blog continuing to update itself automatically. Going without rock climbing was difficult for me. After dedicating so much time each week to it I suddenly had nothing. By the end of my time without climbing I had begun dreaming about rock climbing and watching videos about it online. As of yesterday I finally got to…

[jaina-anne]

My 'Ruby Red' Shoes

My ‘Ruby Red’ Shoes

Okay, so they aren’t exactly ruby red, more like a tranquil turquoise, but that’s not the point. What’s important is that I actually have climbing shoes now! No more renting shoes at the wall and having to worry if they have run out of my size, because funny story, when you’re climbing in shoes that are a size too big you tend to be much less effective as a climber. No more forgetting socks so I…

[jaina-anne]

When You Finally Send It

When You Finally Send It

If you’ve read my blog you know that I have been struggling with a 5.8. I’ve been able to make it to the top of the route several times but I always fall on the same spot. It seemed like it was impossible. Every time I made the jump I would fall and I was getting beyond frustrated. Especially after I flashed a 5.9 and sent another 5.9. I felt like if I could flash a 5.9 I should be able to at…

[jaina-anne]

Clearly I've Got This

Clearly I’ve Got This

Flashing my first 5.9 was indescribably awesome, and it gave me just the tiniest bit of a confidence boost. So I thought I’d take on the other 5.9. I got about halfway up the route before I got stuck, and my forearms were too exhausted to continue trying, so I had to come back down. I’m not going to lie, that was a bit discouraging but I took it in stride as much as I could. My arms just weren’t…