joanofarcisalover - Tumblr blog

[joanofarcisalover]

Taiga: You know what's better than a tuna?!?

Takasu: What?

Taiga: A THREEna!!!

[joanofarcisalover]

I’m new to art and drawing and sketching or whatever you can call this so be nice. Also, I got into drawing lately because I’ve been really stressed and at first I was just globbing paint on some paper but now I’m starting to use reference images and trying to highlight certain aspects of them. I’ve been trying to work on faces because that’s super hard for me to draw so I am kind of proud of this one. I only have a pen, no markers or pencils so this was kind of hard :) it was hard to try to get the shadows but I think I did ok.

[joanofarcisalover]

[joanofarcisalover]

if I don’t have that lamp I will parish

Pajamas / Nightlight / Bedding ♡ 15% Off Code: lovely7

[joanofarcisalover]

God really said let this emo bitch live through the most ridiculous situations I can create and shoved me in the tank.

[joanofarcisalover]

my biggest flex is that my boyfriend looks at me the same way that Ashitaka looks at San and I love him for it.

[joanofarcisalover]

just had a flashback to the time in middle school where I was a semi popular fanfiction writer and my irl friend commented something kind of mean (but I knew she was joking and we had a good laugh about it) and one of my fans had a whole battle with her in my comments section about me misspeling Bobby as booby.

[joanofarcisalover]

P.S. !just to be clear this is not a suicide not just me getting something off my chest!

A letter I wrote to whoever when I was really sad

!TW! Suicide and depression 

To whom it may concern,

I am so sad all of the time, but not a killing sad that leaves you decimated, ravaged and alone but a chronic kind of sad that stays with you through everything. The kind of sad where you can be happy at the same time. This sadness walking with me is not unbearable but she is slowly wearing me down to the bone. Sometimes I wish for the killing sadness to wreak havoc on my mind and heart just to get a break from the sadness that is always here and will not let go of my hand. At least the killing sad felt like action, like something was happening. This chronic ailment of melancholy is leaving me withered and useless. She will not leave me no matter how hard I try to shake her. I do everything right, I enjoy my life, I follow the instructions of the professionals but it is never enough. She still walks everywhere with me. I want to be happy, I try so hard to be happy and only happy but it never works. I just want her to leave me alone so I can be happy with everyone I love. I love them so deeply, so much that it hurts, that love makes me happy but all my emotions turn into sadness. I want to be more than OK but I’m not sure that will ever happen so long as she follows me. It does not look like she will let go of me anytime soon, so I guess this chronic sadness will have to travel with me. I wish this weren’t the case but it is a reality of my life that will probably never change. It could be worse, she is not as cruel as the killing sadness and she seems to wish only to be comfortable. 

Thanks for listening, sincerely me. 

[joanofarcisalover]

A letter I wrote to whoever when I was really sad

!TW! Suicide and depression 

To whom it may concern,

I am so sad all of the time, but not a killing sad that leaves you decimated, ravaged and alone but a chronic kind of sad that stays with you through everything. The kind of sad where you can be happy at the same time. This sadness walking with me is not unbearable but she is slowly wearing me down to the bone. Sometimes I wish for the killing sadness to wreak havoc on my mind and heart just to get a break from the sadness that is always here and will not let go of my hand. At least the killing sad felt like action, like something was happening. This chronic ailment of melancholy is leaving me withered and useless. She will not leave me no matter how hard I try to shake her. I do everything right, I enjoy my life, I follow the instructions of the professionals but it is never enough. She still walks everywhere with me. I want to be happy, I try so hard to be happy and only happy but it never works. I just want her to leave me alone so I can be happy with everyone I love. I love them so deeply, so much that it hurts, that love makes me happy but all my emotions turn into sadness. I want to be more than OK but I’m not sure that will ever happen so long as she follows me. It does not look like she will let go of me anytime soon, so I guess this chronic sadness will have to travel with me. I wish this weren’t the case but it is a reality of my life that will probably never change. It could be worse, she is not as cruel as the killing sadness and she seems to wish only to be comfortable. 

Thanks for listening, sincerely me. 

[joanofarcisalover]

I sorry but the early 90′s anime aesthetic is unparalleled. 

[joanofarcisalover]

i have this terrible urge to smoke cigarettes because I think it looks soooo cool but logically I know that it’s really bad for me but that’s also part of the appeal becasue I kind of want to do something that’s self destructive but at the same time I don’t want to keep hurting myself and also I want to look cool. I also want to start healthy habits and be super fit and buff and smoking would make that harder but it just looks so cool ugh.

[joanofarcisalover]

Is samurai champloo just as good as cowboy bebop? I haven’t seen it but I’m considering watching it. 

[joanofarcisalover]

I wish I had the money to dress like a hood rat but the hot kind

[joanofarcisalover]

the feminine urge to not let any many look upon you with lustful eyes.

[joanofarcisalover]

Spike, talking to Ein: So, what do you think about space travel?

Ein: *barking noises*

Spike: Sorry, I don’t speak Spanish.

[joanofarcisalover]

get off my dick is like my favorite phrase right next to raw dogging and easy dubbs.

[joanofarcisalover]

This song just makes me sad, like the times I shot my shot with a guy that was my friend or the times my friends would break up with their boyfriends even though I had created friendships with them outside of that label and it just absolutely caving in after. People just leave even though you don’t want them too. 

I recently lost my best friend because of my own selfish behavior and untreated ignored mental illness and that shit still hurts after four months. I want the be friends with her still but I don’t think I can ever go back. She has made it clear that we will probably never talk again and I feel like such an outcast. to this day I do not have any real friends aside from my s.o. but that doesn’t really count to me. I still talk to people but I do not consider anyone a friend. it’s lonely but I created this environment for myself and I have no one to blame but myself.