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Trying to genuinely regain my will to live. I completed the one goal I’ve had the last 10 years and I just feel utterly empty and hopeless. I spent an ungodly amount of money on objects today for my hobbies/interests as a bit of dopamine injection. I’m trying to keep my head in the right now because the moment I think ahead I see nothing.

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Finally getting the itch for fanfic again. I haven’t seen much John Walker x Yelena so I might do that for the challenge, or Bob x Yelena but that might make me cry. I’d have to have a genuinely good plot idea to do a tower fic but I’d love to do that if one comes to me

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Two of four essays done, but they were the shortest two 🥲 I literally couldn’t turn them in late. That professor is very hard to read but literally as long as I pass I’ll be happy. Two more due tomorrow but one of those is going in late. I sleep now 😮‍💨

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NOTICE: As more and more fanfic writers are using generative AI for their works (you uncreative dweebs), I hereby swear on everything I hold dear that I have not and will NEVER use generative AI in ANY of my written work. Everything I post will be organically and creatively my own.

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reblog if you have skilled writer friends and you're damn proud of them

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Like I’m happy I’m here. I’ve learned more this year about my niches than anywhere else but holy crap. I’m not even doing a masters so I shouldn’t have a niche anyway. However if anyone wants to ask me about the evolution of women’s roles in medicine in England, India, and the United States in the 16th-19th centuries I will take questions lol.

Just gonna blab because I have a 20 minute break before I go back to writing essays. But the way I ended up in my niche is too funny. I went into college thinking I was going to focus on the Cold War and nuclear development since I was really fixated on that my last two years of high school. Immediately failed (got a C) in my first Russian history class. To be fair I was a first semester freshman who was not warned against taking a 400 level history class.

BUT I also took intro to history. Now that I’m advanced in my degree I know it was incredibly lackluster but it introduced me to midwives. How incredible they were when they were allowed to be the primary professional in the birthing process. I’m SO squeamish so my parents were deeply confused when I suddenly got into medical history.

Then again totally random I took an Indian Ocean World class and that was the first time I was like “holy shit my view of the world is so tiny!! Also wow Europeans really fucked up the lives of literally everybody else.”

After that I got put into a Civil War class. I had softened on American History after the midwife class but I was still ADAMANT I wanted nothing to do with American history. Unfortunately I had the greatest fucking professor ever. He incorporated music and poems and short stories. He knew I was interested in medical so he gave me a bunch of book recommendations. That was the first history class I ever put my all into.

Then I took an art history class. Random but happened to be the history of medical imagery. It was another mind blow moment. It was a dual bachelors/masters class. Our professor wrote the book. It was the first time I ever got to write an open ended project, which I did on Rhinoplasties in the silver screen era (just in case you thought it couldn’t get more niche lol) My teacher really challenged me (in a good way) but also showed mercy when my mental health got the best of me. Without that I think I would’ve given up.

Now here in England I’m basically taking all incredibly relevant classes. Literally pure luck that I ended up at a school that has a Masters in the History of Medicine. I’ve finally learned some theory which they don’t teach at my home uni. I’m learning about medicine of the oppressed. Medicine in concentration camps. Medicine of the enslaved. Medicine of war. Every time I think my view of the world has expanded to its max, it gets bigger.

The only bummer is that both of my South American history classes were taught by genuinely off the wall professors. First one was rude and also crazy, the most recent one was very kind but cannot teach. Every other class I’ve been able to bring into my niche in some way, and that has not been the case with these two. I barely feel like I learned anything. Someday I’d like to go back and teach myself about it.

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I love my degree I love my degree I love my degree I love my degree I love my degree I love my degree I love my degree I love my degree I love my degree I love my degree I love my degree I love my degree I love my degree I love my degree I love my degree I love my degree I love my degree I love my degree I love my degree I love my degree I love my degree I love my degree I love my degree I love my degree I love my degree I love my degree I love my degree I love my degree I love my degree I love my degree

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I’m really whiplashing my oomfs with my reblogging on main. Daredevil. Ghost. Severance. Sailor moon. Thunderbolts. Depression. Random shitposts. We’ve got it all.

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constantly switching between “this is MY tumblr and i post whatever i want” and “oghg  god . oh my god. okh god. okay. im going to talk abt. an interest now. im so sorry.”

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Starting Comics (Mostly Daredevil)

Wanted to try comics so I got the two month discount for Marvel Unlimited. A little annoyed I can’t really read on my computer but making do on my phone!

I knew I wanted to start with Daredevil, ironically I have never watched the show but I liked the clips I’ve seen.

Just finished up Man Without Fear. Felt like the easiest testing ground since it’s only 6 issues. Loved it! I love the way Matt is written. Although him having a kill count of 3 before he even gets his suit was wild to me. I guess what I’ve seen of the show made me think his count is always supposed to be 0.

I also read #1 of the 64-98 run. In comparison…well, I was surprised by how much his origin story had changed by MWF! I think the one in MWF makes way more sense but credit to the originals because they set the foundation.

I saw a post that said to read the Miller run which I guess is #158-191 and then #226-233. So 40 compared to the 360ish issues I thought I was gonna have to get through. If I like Miller’s run I’ll give going through the whole series a shot, I just don’t understand how anyone has the time 😅 I was under the misconception that issues are WAY shorter than they are.

I’m looking to maybe expand what characters I read if I can find solid short runs. Moon Knight I just haven’t done enough searching yet, although ironically he’s kind of the only character I knew from before he entered the MCU. I like ground level heroes for the most part. If I could find an origin comic for Spidey that would be solid.

I did accidentally read #1 of Moon Knight: Fist of Khonshu when I first made my account. Bit of a learning curve to learn that #1 does not equal origin story lol.

Also just to totally shake it up I started the Eternals 2021 run. I liked the movie but I’m not overly attached to that depiction of the characters. For example, Iron Man I really like in the MCU, so I think that’s an unfair disadvantage to how I approach his depiction in the comics. I don’t know if that makes any sense.

Anyway yeahhhhh comics! Wooo! Nice brain break in between reading academic texts for my Uni research lol. Excited to see where I go next.

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It’s my birthday! 21 woooo

My girlfriend is busy and I don’t have any friends in the UK so it’s pretty lonely. But I’m gonna try my best to enjoy it ☺️

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Ayup my fellow ghouls

Sooo I attended the Birmingham UK ritual and it was fucking incredible, of course. However I admittedly have been out of the loop on Ghost lore for a while now. Still listened to the music just hadn’t really checked in on like social media. So imagine my surprise when…not Copia was the head of Ghost?

Now I just have a couple questions I am hoping to gain assistance in getting answers to.

So is Papa V still Cardinal Copia or are they two different people? At Birm he wore a purple sequin jacket like the blue one Copia wore, and he had the sideburns. But I’ve seen people refer to them as two different people? I went back to check the chapters and while the most recent one teased a new person I was also hella confused by literally everyone being dead and except Copia so I’m still lost.

Does Rite Here Rite Now answer any of this? I thought it was just a film of the California concert for the last tour. Or the comics?

I remember when I was still pretty active Tobias said something about the Copia prosthetic giving him some claustrophobia on stage, so I’m glad he’s more comfortable now. It was very weird to see his lips lol. But now I’m back in Ghost hyperfixation mode and I don’t know where to start.

Slight edit: also curious about whether there has been a change in the ghouls. I know Sodo was at Birm, but it seemed like otherwise it was several new people. I could be wrong though, maybe the new costumes just threw me off

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It was a good day for an unhinged Gale drawing :>

Edit: Okay, I shan't call it a doodle 😅❤️

(Twitter prompt)

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✿ views from the mountain pass ✿

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I’ve been in five countries so far this year and this is so much the case. This was my second trip to Paris so I was able to mostly squeak by throwing words together with lots of apologies. I do know kindergarten level German so Berlin was kind of a blast doing word puzzles in my head. I’m looking forward to doing it in Vienna as well.

I actually really like the thing when you're starting to get the hang of a new language, enough to understand and say simple sentences but you gotta get creative to get more complex thoughts across, like a puzzle. I remember a time in the restortation school when a classmate who wasn't natively finnish and did her best anyway dropped something and sighed, telling me "every day is monday this week. I have had four mondays this week." And I understood.

I don't think I speak much of spanish anymore, but in the nursing school training period I did there, I did manage to get by with making weird Tarzan sentences. I got a nosebleed at some point and startled another nurse. Not knowing the words "humidity" or "stress", I managed to string together: "This is ok. It is hot, it is cold, I have a bad day, I am sad, I have blood. This is normal for me." And she understood.

And sometimes you just say things weird, but it's better than not saying it. One time, I was stuck in a narrow hallway behind someone walking really slowly with a walker, and he apologised for being in the way. I was not in any hurry, but didn't know the spanish word for "hurry", but I did know enough words to try to circumvent it by borrowing the english "I have all the time in the world."

The man burst into one of those cackling old man laughters that they do when something in this world still manages to surprise them. He had to be somewhere between 70 and a 100 years old, and I guess if there was one thing he wasn't expecting to hear today, it would be a random blond vaguely baltic-looking fuck casually announce that he is the sole owner and keeper of the very concept of time.

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Currently in Berlin as part of my birthday trip (Prague and Vienna as well). However there is an absence. Every time I have a major travel trip I have music I associate with it. So like Paris the first time was NSP (I know nothing about Game Grumps but their music is literally depression medication for me). It also had some Stromae mixed in with that. The Netherlands was all of the James Bond music (idk dudes my music taste is ass). But I’m not really listening to anything new at the moment. I’ve been on my Doechii, Kendrick, Tyler the Creator, and Estelle moment for a bit. Gonna have to ponder. I’ve seen Phantom of the Opera 2 times in the last week (complicated) and once more on Vienna so it should probably be that, but I don’t like the cast recording much. If anyone has recs I’ll take them 🥲

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You ever have a moment where you realize you have drank an entire bottle of cranberry juice in an hour because you were zoning out listening to music?

…I certainly haven’t! 😅