kikimatcha

[kikimatcha]

I tend to find myself grieving pretty often. Grieving for my grandpa that just died last tears, grieving for my childhood animal, grieving for that friend that left me when i was 13, grieving for someone i never got to know. But never did I grieved for someone that much than i did for myself, for the version i could have been but never got. That one that wouldn’t stare too long at rails for too long thinking about what if. That one that wouldn’t sit on her window sill for too long, staring at the ground right below her, freezing just to feel something. That one that would never have struggles speaking to others, that would never be to shy and hide. That one that wouldn’t had given up her dreams because she wasn’t courageous enough. One that would just hug one of her dozen fiends instead of laying underneath her covers, trying to sneak some comfort from someone not existing. One that would speak up for their needs instead of hiding. That one that would have said no instead of suffocating from silence. That one that would have worked harder, ate less and would have been pretty like all the other girls. That one that would always get the right amount of sleep and get her mind to shut up instead of staring against empty walls wondering what if. Wondering what if she would have been prettier. What if she would have never meet that one person that turned her bubbly personality into some fog of thick grey mist.

I tend to grief quiet often but I never grieved for someone that much like for the version i never got from myself

[kikimatcha]

Love under Surveillance

[Pairing:] Bang Chan x reader

[Genre:] Thriller, fluff, angst

[Synopsis:] Juggling weekend gigs on cameras and runways while navigating college life felt like living in two separate dimensions. Little did you know that sharing this part of your life would become essential in stopping a serial killer who also happened to be you stalker.

As for him, all he ever knew was work. He never expected that acting out a relationship would become part of the equation. But here he was, staying in a spare bedroom, trying to put an end to the terror in New York City.

You came from completely different worlds, but fate brought us together to play roles that seemed to complement each other.

[Warning:] murder, stalking, eating disorder

Chapter 1

It's raining in NY city. Droplets of rain pour from the sky and fall onto cold concrete. Lakes and puddles start to form on the streets, washing away the dirt and trash. It's a reset of the city for another time to offer it the chance to take a deep breath. The pools of water reflect a hazy view of the grayish sky, creating a contrast to the slowly awakening city, that fight it's way out of the winter sleep.

The parks and gardens try to absorb the water and nutrition to finally call in the spring and let the first snowdrops and crocuses bloom to bring some colour into this place. It's what the city is missing to finally bloom with life again, to break free from the cold winter season. You sigh and imagine to take a deep refreshing breath, feeling the cold air refill your lungs and smelling the wet earth. Just putting life into the queue and listening to the sound of rain hitting the pavement and drops of rain fighting their way through the first leaves.

There’s just one problem-. The drops of water turn into a Whirlwind of little lightning bolts and from there into flashlights. The wet streets transform into a white-greyish floor that not even the room of a beige Mom could compete against. The facades became people, lights, cameras, tables, and seats. And finally, you see Tony in front of you. He's kneeling in front of you, at the edge of the white paper you stood on. His black outfit consisting out of a black turtleneck sweater and jeans fit in perfect with the black umbrellas that catched the light and directed it at you.

The only thing that remains is the relaxing sound of the rain pouring onto the roof. -you had no time to life on hold.

"Could you please lean a little more into your back Y/N?" Tony mumbles into his camera but his words find their way through to you. You nod slightly. “Of course.” You place your hands on your lower back while making sure with a Quick Look that the magnificent gold bracelet that hides your whole wrist is good to see. 

You couldn't deny that it looked quite good but at the same time, you couldn’t help yourself and wondered how someone would be able to pull off that thing without looking like Tony Stark was able to only get on one part of his suit. 

You couldn't help but smile to yourself, yes that damn-ass superhero obsession still haunted you but you were proud that you remembered stuff like that like a familiar language.

You took a deep breath, lengthened your spine, tilted your head slightly, and leaned into your back, while ignoring the two loud cracks your spine made and softened your facial expressions. Tony lifts his thumb. “That’s perfect”

Tony (that had nothing in common with the superhero) you currently tend to see more frequently, than your own family, lifts the camera again and starts snapping dozens of pictures while changing his position every few seconds and you start to think to yourself how often he stretches to be able to deform himself to that level. Definitely more often than you, that’s for sure. You can't help but start to think about how Ivanova would have loved him as a ballet student. It truly wasn’t a lose for her when you left the ballet school and switched it out with acting school.

On the other hand, your muscles arched, reminding you of yesterday. You were sure that you would never take a Pilates class with Monica again, especially not one day before a shooting. Yesterday was an exception that you would never let happen again. 

The way Monica at least doubled all the exercises you normally did and made you rethink your level of fitness, makes your nails curl and your stomach twist.

Still at the end of the class when hair was sticking to your face and your legs were shaking, Monica still looked like she should be on the cover of Vogue and you were sure that when that woman took off her sweatpants and shirt she would expose herself as she-hulk or Wonder Woman. Even though her long blond hair that looked like liquid honey in the sun tended to remind you more of Sailor Moon.

She indeed was right when she told you that her classes are on a more advanced level compared to your typical ones. But you couldn’t fight your massive ego that reminded you how embarrassing it would heave been to just turn around and leave.

And it didn't help that yesterday you also went clubbing with Jess afterwards. Which was another exception that wasn't on the list for redoing. Still, you needed to admit that it was funny. For sure it was but sometimes you seemed forget when to stop and where your tolerance for alcohol ends. But how could you blame yourself when that damn pina colada tasted so good and was cheap as well. The way the bartender was able to make you feel like you were on vacation with a drink fascinated you and needed to be studied, even though all your collected information seemed invalid because now the only thing that pina colada made you think of was stomach cramps and the bitter after taste of vomit.

Actually, you had no idea what really happened yesterday night but with the headaches you woke up with this morning there was a possibility that you hit your head on the bed again. But maybe there was a chance that it was better that you couldn't remember.

Back to the here and now, you felt the upcoming urge to yawn but that would stop the rain of flashing lights that Tony caused or end up in a dozen of pretty embarrassing photos, Tony would sell to Jess or Monica again.

Unlike Micheal who was yawning like an old man that would spent half of his day in a rocking chair on his veranda or watching the same movies and tv shows in an endless loop and didn't seem to hold himself back, you needed to perform right now. He stood next to a table with equipment, his phone in one hand and a coffee in the other, to refill the lack of caffeine in your bloodline. (Eventually, Jess was right and in your bloodlines was coffee because, after five minutes without it, you could already fall asleep again.)

He was yawning every few minutes and the dark prominent dark circles were not to be overlooked and made his blue eyes shine even more. But unlike you, he was most likely answering emails overnight and not the bartender. His brown hair started to become grey over the years and also his suits started to become too small, now he always left the first button of his shirts open to not suffocate. His fluffy and messy eyebrows were knitted together with wrinkles in between them while he stared at the display.

"Okay, Y/N you can go and change, I expect you to be here again in ten minutes. Lizzi, you're next." The voice echoed through the nearly empty hall and pulled you out of your thoughts.

”Of course.” You said quickly and didn't hesitate to go to Michael while a stunning woman with tanned skin, brown eyes and brown wavy hair walked past you. You couldn't help yourself and followed her with your gaze. She looked like she escaped a perfect beach or surf commercial. She was probably one of those woman that was plastered onto hundred of girls beach Pinterest boards.

It was like the sun-kissed her, her lean and toned body was gorgeous, and her cheekbones could probably cut someone open by how sharp they were. Those small little freckles that were painted over her cheeks. 

You gulped hard and tore your gaze away from her. Your hands brushed over the fabric from your dress and you couldn't stop yourself from pressing a bit harder to feel your body underneath, just to make sure everything was correct.  

You fixed your posture and walked away from the shooting. On the way, you took your old sweater and pulled it over your shoulders. You sighed at the feeling of the soft fabric against your skin. There was nothing better than a piece of fabric that it’s fabric and smell spent comfort. You would probably never find out if clothes can really smell like sunny breezes and crashing waves because you would never switch the 3x fresh breeze washing powder against anything else. 

Michael his hand came into your vision and handed you the paper cup filled with coffee without saying something or looking up from his phone, like always.

"Thank you." You took one sip out of the mug. “You’ve been booked for a run way next week in Los Angeles.” He said in his deep raspy tone. You felt droplets of happiness and excitement pour down on you mixed with hail of anxiety and exhaustion. You felt your stomach becoming queasy but ignored it and took another sip of coffee. 

Your father will not be happy to hear about that. Another two day of university getting skipped and another two days you will need to learn to keep up with that damn business major. You couldn’t hear it anymore. Another word about finances and marketing would make you reconsider all your decisions but it wasn’t like you had a choice. 

“You mean that one for Ashley?” You normally didn’t check your emails but sometimes you liked to scroll through them to be up to date and you couldn't deny that you got a little excited when you saw the email from Ashley two days ago.

Michael hits a smile and nods. “Yeah, that one. They expect us on Thursday while the runway will be on Friday.” His voice is monotone and doesn’t change an octave like usual. You nod approving before heading towards the dressing rooms 

One yawn after the other finally finds its way over your lips. You really set all your chips onto this coffee. If this bit of caffeine couldn't help you right now, who could?

The dressing room was just around the corner but before you could enter it another woman came out of it and directly ran into you. Before you even had the chance to stop yourself, you crashed into her.

(You both collided with a loud gasp, some coffee spilt onto your sweatshirt before you were able to hold it far enough away from you and take a step back to let the rest drop onto the floor and form a puddle.)

You cursed under your breath. Now you had two brown stains on your sweater, at least the red-haired girl in front of you seemed to be coffee-free. "I'm sorry, I will just wash the sweater so there's no need to worry." You said, smiling at her. She had a frowning expression written over her face and you could already imagine where this was heading. 

"Like I would care. Oh, and the next time you better watch out where you're going." She answered disparagingly and left. Normally you would be angry but this wasn't the time for it. Later you could be resentful. Still, you could hold back a tight-lipped smile that exposed your feelings at least a bit.

You entered the overfilled and sensory overloading room. Everywhere were hangers full of clothes, bags of make-up, shoes, and accessories in every colour and potential way and in the middle your blond-haired friend. 

She ran around the room like a headless chicken. Collecting some things from one side of the room to walk through it like she’s in a roundabout and place it somewhere else. It was hard to believe that she considered this chaos as her Tidiness. But the fact was that if someone dared to try cleaning or organizing anything she would get stressed and kick that person out and hand them a lifelong house ban as a farewell gift. 

That was the exact same reason why Michael wasn't tolerated here anymore.

"Hey, Monica." She turned around, exposing her claw clip that was hanging onto the last strand of her silky hair while all the other pieces were standing out, making her head look like beargrass was growing out of it.

She scanned you and stopped at your sweater. "What happened to you?" She walked to one of the cabinets and took a box of tissues out of it. It was typical for her to skip the greeting and go straight to the point. You flicked your hand. 

"It doesn't matter." You sighed but she handed you the box of tissues without an option. “Thanks.” You mumbled with a tight-lipped smile and took some tissues out of it before putting it in one of the few free spots on one of the shelves.

Without hesitation you searched for the nearest spot were you could sit to relax your legs that felt stiff like bricks.

“Having sore muscles?” Monica laughed and watched you through one of the mirrors. A groan ran over your lips. “Don’t even get me started.” You mumbled. Monica started laughing and continued her treasure hunt.

 You rubbed the tissues over the stains trying to get as much coffee out as possible while Monica was picking out all the other stuff. But as hard as you would try, the stains were still very visible. 

At least you could live with the coffee smell if it had been beetroot juice or another lavender tea it would have been your last straw. You used to actually love the smell of lavender until Jess drenched you in her lavender sleep tea and you could swear that your clothes and you yourself smelled like grandma's lavender bags she always puts into her shoes for two weeks straight. Now only the slightest bit of lavender in a fragrance stick makes you scrunch up your nose and Jess her sleep tea was exchanged with a valerian one.

"I told you that the class was on an upper level and now come here and sit," Monica ordered you over to one of the chairs she was pointing at. 

"Yes, boss." You chuckled before taking a seat. This time she handed you a bag of make-up wipes and left you alone while collecting her stuff. You started to wipe the make-up off with the cold wipes even though Monica only applied it around an hour ago. 

“You could’ve had some sympathy with me, you know?” You referred to yesterday but Monica shakes her head. 

“You don’t know how much happiness your suffering brought me.” She grins at you through the mirror. “You’re way too evil to be looking like Aurora.” 

“Call me Regina George if you want.” She said while shutting another cabinets closed. With an uncomfortable loud ‘clack’ the cabinet falls into its lock and Monica turns around to watch you through the mirror. Her eyes were directly staring at you while she cleared her throat.

“They say you’re a homeschooled jungle freak who’s a less hot version of me.”she quoted in a high pitched voice and caused you to burst out into laughter. Without another reaction she turned around and opened another cabinet.

"You knew that when you would be a bit more organized you would find everything faster and better." Chuckling you watched her searching through cabinets and boxes, just to close one after the other, seemingly not satisfied with the things she found.

"You know the drill -" but before she was able to end her sentence, a scream pierced through the halls. 

[kikimatcha]

It's raining heavily as she pulls him towards her with the umbrella and kisses him

[kikimatcha]

"I really like you're party Playlist can you send me the spotify link?"

[kikimatcha]

"I saw you now everyday the last two weeks and your always humming the same song. Now tell what is it called I'm addicted to it."