kisayuri

[kisayuri]

Killua Zoldyck and Linkin Park

Hey everyone! Not sure how many of you listen to Linkin Park, but ever since their comeback I’ve been obsessed with their new single 'The Emptiness Machine.' I keep linking the lyrics to Killua's relationship with his family, and for me, it’s his song now, and no one can convince me otherwise. Check this out:

Your blades are sharpened with precision (precision) Flashing your favorite point of view (point of view) I know you're waiting in the distance (distance) Just like you always do, just like you always do

This first part could easily represent his family, where their techniques shape their fingers into claws. That "person waiting in the distance" could be either Silva or Illumi.

Already pulling me in Already under my skin And I know exactly how this ends, I

Under his skin, like Illumi’s needles. And he knows there's no escape.

Let you cut me open just to watch me bleed Gave up who I am for who you wanted me to be Don't know why I'm hoping for what I won't receive Falling for the promise of the emptiness machine The emptiness machine

The first verse feels rhetorical, but the second one is spot on: Killua literally gives himself up to become what his family wants, an empty killing machine.

Going around like a revolver (like a revolver) It's been decided how we lose (how we lose) 'Cause there's a fire under the altar (the altar) I keep on lying to, I keep on lying to

There’s the altar he’s stuck on, the poisoned family legacy that burns beneath him as the heir.

Already pulling me in Already under my skin And I know exactly how this ends, I

Let you cut me open just to watch me bleed Gave up who I am for who you wanted me to be Don't know why I'm hoping for what I won't receive Falling for the promise of the emptiness machine

I only wanted to be part of something I only wanted to be part of, part of I only wanted to be part of something

Now this part clearly speaks to his real desire: to belong to something real, to control his own life, to escape them and chart his own destiny.

I let you cut me open just to watch me bleed Gave up who I am for who you wanted me to be Don't know why I'm hoping, so fucking naive Falling for the promise of the emptiness machine The emptiness machine

(I only wanted to be part of something) the emptiness machine, oh (I only wanted to be part of) the emptiness machine

So that's it. What do you think? Have you heard this song before? Can we all agree that this is Killua's song?

[kisayuri]

The Young Butler (KilluGon Long fic)

An alternative story where Gon is recruited from a young age to work as a Butler for the Zoldycks. KilluGon. Slow-burn romance.

Chapter 2. Together

(Notes at the end) You can find it too on AO3 here: The Young Butler - Kisayuri - Hunter X Hunter [Archive of Our Own] Or here (in Spanish): El joven Mayordomo - Kisayuri - Hunter X Hunter [Archive of Our Own] I hope you like it :)

That wasn’t the first time Illumi had poisoned him. He must have been barely three years old when his family started slipping small amounts of all kinds of substances into his food, all with the goal of gradually getting his immune system used to the toxins. Sometimes the poisons were mild; other times, though, they tore him apart from the inside, leaving him on the brink of collapse.

Killua despised it.

The bitterness in his mouth, the fire in his throat, his body fighting, rejecting the poison, screaming inside. For what?

But he was a Zoldyck. Enduring this was his duty… ...wasn’t it?

He curled up on the damp ground. As soon as he felt the poison burn its way down his throat, he fled the mansion to the woods, now hiding near the wall by the gate, trying to make himself as small as possible, invisible. His mind felt clouded, making it harder and harder to distinguish the sounds around him. He stifled a sob. He wasn’t afraid of the forest. What he feared was inside him now, burning him up, but it was also in his own home.

Suddenly, with some difficulty, he made out the clumsy sound of footsteps approaching him.

“Killua?”

No, no, no. He didn’t want to be seen like this.

Why did it have to be him, of all people?

“…Go away,” he managed to mutter.

Just saying those words made his throat burn again, and a retch tore through his stomach like a knife ripping him apart from the inside, relentless. He buried his face deeper into his arms, trying to hide the trembling in his body.

But the boy in front of him didn’t make any move to leave.

“But Killua, are you hurt? I-I can go tell someone...”

The moment he felt Gon’s hand on his shoulder, he snapped his head up and angrily swatted it away.

“I said GO AWAY!!” he exploded, then jumped to his feet and backed away from him. No, Gon couldn’t see him like this. Not now. Fragile, defenseless, broken.

Gon stood there, motionless, silent, watching him with those eyes that never knew what it meant to give up. That look of endless concern only made Killua feel more vulnerable, weaker.

Killua looked away, gritting his teeth as another wave of pain hit him. He could feel the tears welling up, but he refused to let them fall. He couldn’t allow himself to cry.

“Go,” he ordered again.

“You don’t have to do this alone, Killua,” Gon insisted gently, stepping forward cautiously.

Killua shook his head, still unable to meet his gaze. Defeated, he leaned back against the wall and let his body slide down until he was sitting on the ground again.

“…Please, just leave me alone,” he pleaded.

He closed his eyes and buried his face in his knees once more, hoping Gon would give up and walk away.

"Killua..." Gon began, his breath slightly unsteady, as if he were gathering the strength to say something. "I… I know what you’re going through, too."

His voice was so quiet that for a moment, Killua thought he’d imagined it.

"What...?" he whispered, opening his eyes to look at him.

With a sigh, Gon sat down on the ground in front of him, and for the first time, Killua noticed it. The slight tremor in his hands, his uneven breathing, a drop of sweat sliding down his temple.

"Because of the training... it's not just you," Gon continued, making an obvious effort to keep his voice steady. "Sometimes they give me something, too. All of them, actually." He shrugged. "Not as strong as what they give you, I guess, but..."

He didn’t finish the sentence, but Killua didn’t need him to. His eyes widened, unable to process what Gon was hinting at.

"What… are you saying?" he murmured, trying to take it in. "You too…?"

"Yeah..." Gon admitted, with a sad smile. "But I didn’t want to tell you before. I wasn’t supposed to…"

Killua watched him closely, and suddenly he saw it clearly: something was different about the boy standing in front of him. Gon, always so strong, so sure of himself, was vulnerable now, just like him. The same poison running through his own veins was in Gon’s as well. A flood of questions rushed through his mind. How long? Who was doing this? Why hadn’t he run away, when he could have? No, he hadn’t run. He had come to find him. Despite everything.

“Why…?” Killua began, his voice barely a whisper, no longer trying to hide the tears. But Gon cut him off before he could say more.

“Because you don’t have to do this alone!” Gon exclaimed, grabbing him firmly by both hands. His eyes locked onto Killua’s, filled with determination. “No matter what happens, Killua, we’re in this together, okay?”

Killua pressed his lips together. And for the first time in a long while, he realized he truly had someone by his side in the midst of that pack of wolves. Someone he could trust, someone genuine. Someone real.

Is this what it’s like to have a friend?

His lips released a shaky sigh.

“Together…” he murmured. Gon nodded.

“Together.”

~~~~~~

Killua woke up with a faint bitter taste in his mouth. It was barely noticeable, but it was there. He grimaced in disgust. Again?

Three years had passed since then, and they were still trying, despite him proving time and time again that he could handle far worse. At twelve, his body had already been exposed to hundreds, maybe thousands of poisons. Nothing surprised him anymore. He rolled his eyes. And yet, his brother kept insisting on testing new methods to make him stronger, more resilient. As if he wasn’t already.

He got out of bed, dressed quickly, and made his way down the hall toward the entrance. His steps were silent, barely touching the floor, while his mind wandered through half-formed plans for the day.

“Mother,” he greeted flatly, not slowing down. She was waiting around a corner, but he walked right past her.

“Hello, darling.” She gave him a wide, affectionate smile. “You really shouldn’t go out today. Why not spend some time with your brother Milluki?”

Killua stopped and shot her a cold look. He knew exactly what that meant.

“I think he has something for you.”

He clenched his fists, biting back the urge to respond. Without saying another word, he turned on his heel and headed in the opposite direction. It didn’t matter. He knew he could escape whenever he wanted.

~~~~~~

"You're late," Milluki said, not taking his eyes off his computer.

Killua stepped through the doorway, closing it behind him. He gave the room a quick glance as his eyes adjusted to the darkness. The pale glow from the screen was the only light in the workshop.

"Mother said you wanted to see me." He raised an eyebrow, hands sliding into his pockets. "What do you want?" he asked, his tone cold, emotionless. They both knew he was asking out of formality—he was well aware of what this was about.

Milluki let out a smug chuckle, pushing his computer aside and swiveling in his chair to face him.

"Oh, nothing special. Mother and Illumi asked me to make sure you're still... in shape. You know, wouldn’t want you getting too soft."

Killua felt a knot tighten in his stomach, but his expression didn’t change. Milluki had always enjoyed this game, though over the years, the fear it once sparked had almost completely faded. Now, it was just a routine—a nuisance, a formality he had to endure in exchange for living in that place.

“Come on, Killua, don’t act tough,” Milluki said, getting up from his desk and heading toward the examination table in the corner. Killua followed him in silence, sitting on it without protest, fully aware that resistance would be pointless. He watched his brother as he connected cables and adjusted the machine. What’s Gon doing right now? he wondered, taking off his shirt and placing it aside. He sat still while Milluki attached the cables to his chest and arms. Was Gon training with Gotoh? Or had he snuck off again?

Milluki finished setting up the machine and pressed the power button. Killua felt the first jolt, and a faint buzzing sound filled the air. At first, it was barely noticeable, but the current gradually intensified until it surged through his entire body. His muscles tensed involuntarily, but he kept his composure. He wasn’t going to give Milluki the satisfaction.

The buzzing grew louder, and from the corner of his eye, Killua saw his brother lean closer, a cruel smirk spreading across his pudgy face. “It’s fascinating how well you handle this now,” Milluki said, watching closely, waiting for a reaction. “I almost enjoy it more when it doesn’t hurt you... almost.”

He twisted the dial a little further, and the current surged slightly. Killua felt the crackling electricity race through his body, burning his skin beneath the cables and sending his heart racing. It hurt, but he remained expressionless, calm. How long would be enough to satisfy Milluki this time?, he wondered. An hour? Two?

“Oh, by the way,” Milluki continued, his incessant chatter somehow worse than the shocks themselves. “I’ve heard some rather interesting rumors,” he said casually. “You know how the staff is—they tend to talk a little too much sometimes.”

Because you spy on them, Killua thought.

He didn’t respond, but his mind went on high alert. Milluki wouldn’t bring something like that up without a reason. His brother smiled, eyes locked on him, clearly aware he’d hit a nerve.

“Apparently, you’ve been spending a lot of time in the woods,” Milluki said, subtly increasing the intensity, causing Killua’s body to twitch slightly. “And as far as I know… you’re not going alone.”

Killua clenched his jaw, a small movement that Milluki likely didn’t miss.

“I don’t know who told you that,” Killua replied dryly, “but they’re probably exaggerating. I go out to train. Alone.”

He had to stay firm. He knew Milluki didn’t have anything solid. If he did, their family would’ve started monitoring him long ago.

“Oh, sure. I believe you.” He didn’t. “But you know how rumors work around here.. Sometimes there’s a bit of truth to them…” He clicked his tongue theatrically. “Just imagine how Mother and Father would react if they found out you were sneaking off with the wrong company, don’t you think?."

Killua closed his eyes for a moment, focusing on his breathing as the electricity coursed through his body, burning beneath his skin. He knew exactly what was at stake. And he wasn’t going to give Milluki anything. 

He wouldn’t fall into his trap.

“I’m not sneaking off,” he replied calmly, opening his eyes and meeting his brother’s gaze with cold indifference. “What, am I not allowed to take a walk in the woods now?”

Milluki gave him a cold smile.

“Of course you are,” he murmured, leaning in dangerously close to whisper, “…though it would be a problem if they found out you were breaking any rules. And that wouldn’t be good for either of you—you, or… whoever it is you’re meeting with.” He straightened up again. “Hypothetically, of course.”

Another click. This time, the shock was much stronger. Killua screamed inside, but outwardly, he remained unfazed. When he replied, he didn’t break eye contact with his brother.

“If I had any secrets,” he began, with some effort, “it would mean you’re not doing your job very well, wouldn’t it?” He tilted his head slightly, letting his lips curl into a smile that was anything but innocent. “I wonder what Mother would say about your surveillance system.” He raised an eyebrow. “Hypothetically.”

Milluki’s smile vanished.

That’ll get him off my back.

For a few seconds, the buzzing of the machine was the only sound in the room.

"Don’t do anything stupid unless you want things to go south for you," Milluki muttered, avoiding eye contact, and effectively ending the conversation.

Killua remained still for several more minutes, until he felt the electricity slowly drain from his body as Milluki shut off the machine and returned to his desk without a word. He didn’t bother questioning him. Quickly, he removed the cables and headed for the door, pulling on his hoodie while already planning how to prevent Milluki’s suspicions from growing.

Without looking back, he left his brother’s workshop, fully aware that he’d need to be even more cautious from now on. But for the moment, he had other plans.

~~~~~~

Killua sped through the forest surrounding the mansion, his steps so light they left no trace on the damp earth, yet the frustration in his every movement was unmistakable.

An incessant murmur followed him as he ran. To an ordinary person, it would have been nothing more than barely audible whispers, swallowed by the wind and the rustling leaves. But anyone with a trained ear could easily pick up the string of curses and insults he muttered under his breath, the anger boiling over after his encounter with his brother.

When he felt he was far enough from the mansion, Killua stopped beneath a tall, thick tree. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, trying to soak in the calm of his surroundings.

“Where’d you learn all those curse words?” a playful voice suddenly asked.

Killua looked up and met a pair of amber eyes staring down at him from one of the branches.

“In the dictionary,” he replied with sarcasm, but couldn’t stop a slight smile from creeping onto his face.

Gon let out a loud laugh and, with a quick jump, landed on the ground, brushing the dust off his suit. He’d only started wearing it a few months ago, ever since he turned twelve. Killua knew how uncomfortable it made him.

“I was heading to the usual spot. You coming?” Gon asked with his usual contagious energy.

“You should be training. Gotoh’s gonna scold you again,” Killua warned as he started walking again, though he knew Gon didn’t care. “What kind of butler are you, anyway?” he teased. “I’m gonna have to put a note in your file that says something like ‘unfit,’ or ‘skips duties constantly and has a terrible attitude,’” he joked.

“Hey! That’s not true, I’m totally fit for the job!” Gon exclaimed, giving him a playful elbow. “Besides, Gotoh doesn’t need to find out,” he added. “It’s just a quick break. I need to unwind.”

Killua nodded in agreement. Even if it was just for a little while, being with Gon always managed to help him forget the shadows that haunted him at home.

Their usual spot wasn’t far, so they arrived quickly. Once they climbed the tree, Killua leaned against the trunk while Gon sat beside him, his legs swinging freely. A comfortable silence settled between them as they looked out over the vast forest stretching beyond the wall.

Despite the calm, Killua could still feel the lingering effects of the shocks under his skin. He discreetly pulled down his sleeve to hide the marks from the earlier session, though Gon probably noticed right away.

“How’s your training going? Are they… treating you well?” Killua asked cautiously, trying to divert his attention.

Gon raised an eyebrow and smiled, giving him a look that practically screamed, “I think I should be the one asking that, don’t you think?” Still, he just shrugged and turned his gaze back to the horizon.

“It’s going alright. You know, the usual,” he said. “Gotoh’s tough, but he’s actually a good guy, and he helps me get stronger. Besides,” he added, “they say you’ve got to be ready to protect the Zoldycks from anything. That’s what they always say, anyway.”

Killua rolled his eyes at the mention of his family. Still, he knew Gon wasn’t telling him everything. He had seen firsthand how many of the butlers were treated, especially by his mother and Milluki. Most of them, if not all, were nothing more than puppets, tools that his family could use however they wanted. And the training they put them through? ‘Brutally harsh’ didn’t even begin to describe it. He’d never admit it, but deep down, the thought of what they might do to Gon if someone in the family snapped one day terrified him.

“Do you miss your old life?” Killua asked suddenly after a stretch of silence.

Gon didn’t look at him, a sad smile tugging at his lips.

“You can’t miss something you don’t remember.”

“Yeah, well, but…”

It wasn’t the first time they’d had this conversation. Still, Killua occasionally tried to bring it up, hoping to draw out a little more about the real world beyond.

“I barely remember anything,” Gon insisted, staring into the distance. “From the orphanage, I mean. One day, Tsubone showed up and took me away. And my parents… I never knew them. I’ve told you that before. All I know is that he’s a Hunter, and he left me there for them to take care of me. That’s it.”

What Gon said next caught Killua off guard.

“You know what? I think I would’ve liked to be one too!” Gon flashed him a quick smile. “Can you imagine?”

Killua’s chest tightened.

Gon, a Hunter?

For a moment, the thought terrified Killua. He couldn’t—wouldn’t—imagine what his life would have been like growing up in that family without Gon by his side. He would’ve gone crazy. Or worse, maybe he would’ve turned out like his brothers.

But what would Gon have gained if he’d grown up somewhere else? Freedom. A happy life, far from the psychopaths in Killua’s family. Safe. Maybe he could’ve even gone looking for his real parents, for his true family. Maybe…

“And you…” Killua swallowed hard, focusing all his attention on pushing down the knot in his throat. “Would you… want to be one… someday?”

“Of course!” 

His chest tightened further. He hadn’t even hesitated.

Shit.

…Why did this feel so awful now?

The thought that, deep down, Gon might actually prefer being a Hunter felt both admirable and terrifying. Of course, anyone would choose that over being trapped in a life serving his family. But what if one day Gon decided to leave and never look back? He had every right to.

“Although, Killua…” Gon added, completely unaware of the worries eating him up inside, “with how strong you are, I think you could be one too,” he finished with certainty.

Killua let out a bitter laugh.

“Are you even listening to yourself? It’s ridiculous,” Killua muttered, glancing at him out of the corner of his eye. “Gon, I’m the heir to the Zoldyck family. They’ve been training me for that since I was born. What makes you think I could even consider…?” He shook his head, clicking his tongue.

“But still—”

“No,” Killua cut him off, firm. “It’s not possible. It doesn’t make sense. I couldn’t…”

He didn’t finish the sentence when a small seed of doubt planted itself in his mind.

Couldn’t he?

“Well, then neither will I.”

Gon’s words, spoken so casually, hung in the air for a few seconds, and for a brief moment, time seemed to stop as Killua processed what he’d just heard. He blinked slowly, a slight flutter in his stomach. He swallowed. Did he just…?

He looked at him.

Gon was watching him with the kind of determination only he could have.

“What are you say—?”

“Killua, I’m not going anywhere without you,” Gon said, unwavering. “You’re my best friend. It’s both of us, or neither.”

He felt his chest warm, and the fluttering in his stomach grew more noticeable.

“Gon,” he whispered, barely audible, “you’re an idiot,” he muttered, turning away and covering his face with a hand to hide the smile that had inevitably spread across his lips. 

Now he felt stupid for ever doubting him.

Gon grinned back.

“I mean it, Killua!” He leaned forward, hands on the trunk in front of him, so close that, for a second, the forest disappeared, and all Killua could see were Gon’s big amber eyes. “You’re my best friend, and the strongest, most awesome person I know (though, okay, I don’t know that many people). You should start believing that already. We’re in this together, remember?”

Gon was staring at him with way too much intensity. And way too close. Heat rushed to Killua’s face, and his cheeks turned red before he could stop it.

“Sh-shut up, idiot! Don’t just say stuff like that out of nowhere!” he yelled, shoving Gon’s face away with his foot, pushing him as far as possible. Gon almost fell off the tree in the process.

“Ah! Killua, don’t be so rough!” He shouted, quickly grabbing hold of the branch to keep from falling. Killua cleared his throat, ignoring Gon’s complaints, trying to regain his composure, but his heart was still racing.

“You brought it on yourself, idiot. D-don’t just say things like that…”

“Aaaaw, are you embarrassed?”

“Shut up!”

Once again, a comfortable, easy silence fell between them, this time with the soft rustling of the wind in the branches growing stronger. Gon turned back to the view, humming to himself while he gently swung his legs.

Killua couldn't help but smile.

His gaze drifted back to the distant Zoldyck mansion, now looking tinier than ever.

"Do you hear that?" Gon suddenly asked.

It all happened so fast.

A distant buzzing shattered the silence, mingling with the sound of the wind. They both looked around, trying to pinpoint its source. Gon was the first to spot it. A flash that lasted just milliseconds in the distance was all he needed to understand what it was.

"Down, now!” He grabbed Killua by the arm, giving him no time to grasp what was happening, and leaped down, aiming for one of the lower branches shielded by the tree's foliage. He pushed him against the trunk and placed a finger to his lips.

"What?"

"Shh."

They waited in silence as the buzzing sound grew closer and closer. For several tense minutes, they held their breath, listening as it passed overhead and slowly began to fade into the distance. Finally, they both let out a relieved sigh.

“I think it was one of Milluki's drones," Gon said quietly, finally letting go of Killua.

Killua cursed to himself. His brother had actually taken his comments about the surveillance system seriously. He should've seen it coming. How could he have been so stupid?

“Well done, Gon,” he sighed. “If he had caught us…”

If he had caught them, they might as well be dead now. Gon let out a small laugh.

“Who's ‘unfit’ now, huh?” he joked.

Killua rolled his eyes, pressing his lips together to avoid smiling.

“Let’s go.”

And with feline agility, he began to climb down with Gon following close behind.

~~~~~~

Killua’s mind was racing. Drones, transmitters, trackers, bugs... Up until now, his brother’s surveillance had only covered the areas around the mansion, inside the house, and the Butler’s Quarters, but it had never reached this far. It wasn’t just Mother, Illumi, or Gotoh anymore—there were more threats waiting for them outside if they were caught together. He stared at the sleeves of his hoodie in horror. What if Mulluki had planted a tracker on him while he was in the workshop? Paranoia started creeping in, and suddenly, it all felt overwhelming. Too many dangers, too many variables. There was no doubt—they were going to have to be way, way more careful from now on, watching every step they took. Maybe even cutting back on their meetings would be a smart move, at least for a while…

He glanced at Gon, walking calmly beside him.

His heart clenched a little.

The selfish part of him wanted to dismiss that option, but he couldn’t ignore it. He knew that if they got caught, the one who would really suffer the consequences wouldn’t be him.

It would be Gon.

He bit his lip.

He had to do something. He just needed to come up with a way to...

“By the way,” Gon said suddenly, cutting through his internal monologue, still walking calmly. “I haven’t told you yet, but...” He turned to him with a big smile. “Gotoh gave me permission to go to the city this weekend!”

Killua froze in his tracks, caught off guard.

“Are you serious?” He couldn’t help but feel a small pang of jealousy. Up until now, he’d only been able to go out for training, always kept away from people, and under strict surveillance. Never for fun. The only time he’d ever had real freedom was during his stay at Heaven’s Arena, and even then...

“Come with me! It'll be fun!” Gon added.

Killua looked at him in silence. He knew it wasn’t possible, that Gon hadn’t really thought it through. They had literally just jumped out of a tree to avoid getting caught by his brother. It was a terrible idea, to say the least. The thought of leaving the mansion to stroll through town, alone, without any kind of watch, with his family breathing down his neck more than ever—it was absurd to even consider...

“Alright.”

Killua silenced the rational part of him, which was now screaming from the depths of his being that what he was doing was suicidal.

Gon’s smile widened, and for a moment, his eyes sparkled so brightly that Killua had to look away. He felt his heart race, though he couldn’t tell if it was because of Gon’s big, excited eyes looking at him or the sudden rush of adrenaline.

He couldn’t. He knew he shouldn’t.

But what was the worst that could happen? 

One day. Just one day of freedom.

Notes:

Honestly, I’m really happy because this chapter ended up being twice as long as the last one! :) Plus, it’s much more fleshed out than the original idea, and it helped me solidify the logline for the story. I hope you all enjoyed it! Even though the story is written in third person, I’m trying to use a limited omniscient narrator to make it feel as real and emotional as possible. Thanks so much for reading! See you next time!

[kisayuri]

The Young Butler (KilluGon Long fic)

An alternative story where Gon is recruited from a young age to work as a Butler for the Zoldycks. KilluGon. Slow-burn romance.

Chapter 1. The Arrival

(Notes at the end) You can find it too on AO3 here: The Young Butler - Kisayuri - Hunter X Hunter [Archive of Our Own] Or here (in Spanish): El joven Mayordomo - Kisayuri - Hunter X Hunter [Archive of Our Own] I hope you like it :)

"You are forbidden from speaking to him, do you understand?".

Killua had never liked being told what to do. He, the heir of the Zoldyck family, a young, skilled, and independent individual, boasting a record of 200 wins in the Heavenly Tower and just recently turning eight years old, considered himself perfectly capable of deciding for himself what he could and could not do. And speaking to the new kid that Tsubone had brought to the Butler's House was, in his opinion, one of those things.

He was walking near the Butler's House when he witnessed his arrival. It was unusual for them to bring in acquisitions so young, he thought, although this wasn't the first time either. What particularly caught his attention about the boy was not only the fact that he was probably the same age as him, but also that despite the situation he was in he didn't seem worried at all. Any other child who had been dragged to the Zoldyck mansion would be crying and begging for their life, but not him. He radiated a vibrant and bright aura, and his eyes—two large brown eyes—shone with curiosity, absorbing everything they saw with the throbbing excitement of discovering a new place.

How did he even get here? Was he bought? Or maybe an abandoned orphan? Did they really think he was good enough to recruit him to join their family's Butlers?

Out of nowhere, those eyes were on him. Gold versus blue, both filled with deep curiosity about the other. He lifted his hand to wave, and the other guy's lips curved into a quick, fleeting smile before Tsubone pulled him inside the building.

"He's just a Butler in training. He's none of your concern," Mother said firmly, pulling him away. "He's beneath you".

Well, that was for him to decide.

~~~~~~

When he saw him for the second time, only a couple of weeks had passed. Despite his attempts to hasten their next meeting by returning to the same place, Mother's constant presence behind him like an unyielding shadow made it impossible. So, when he stumbled upon him by chance, wandering in the forest just a couple of hundred yards from the Zoldyck Mansion, he couldn't help but feel a surge of daring excitement.

That day, something in the forest caught his attention. He didn't know why, but he felt something there was waiting for him. Following his purest instinct, he ventured deeper. Shaking off his caretaker wasn't particularly hard, considering she had to look after Alluka and Kalluto before him. 

At that moment, the forest was in its full glory, not the glory of a radiant spring, but a dark, gloomy splendor, fitting the place and matching his mood. The sun's rays barely reached the ground due to the dense tree canopies, creating a sinister play of light and shadow over the root-filled floor. The scent was far from fresh; it was heavy and thick, filling the air with an earthy, musty smell.

He found him upon reaching the small clearing.

The new Butler was sitting on one of the massive roots sinking into the ground, leaning back against the trunk. His eyes were closed, and for a moment, he thought he was sleeping.

After watching him for a few moments, Killua slowly approached, silent, circling him cautiously as his brother had trained him, making no sound, feeling out the ground before drawing his attention. His eyes carefully studied the boy. He sat stiffly against the trunk, dressed elegantly like the rest of the Butlers there, in a white shirt now dirtied from his escapades through the forest. And his age? From down here, it was hard to gauge, but he didn't seem much taller than him. Maybe…

"Are you Killua?" the boy suddenly asked.

Killua jumped, his brow furrowing, momentarily upset with himself for being caught off guard. He couldn't have heard him, that was impossible. Plus, the boy still wasn't looking at him. He hadn't even turned his way!

"How do you know that?" he reply, unable to keep a slight edge of annoyance out of his tone.

A lazy smile played at the corners of the boy's mouth, unfazed by the other's irritated tone, and now, he opened his eyes and fixed them on him. Once again, Killua saw that same spark of excitement in them, the same one he had noticed days before. But now, instead of being excited about the place he was in, he seemed thrilled merely by his presence there. He watched him intently, with no hint of fear. He frowned again. Was it happiness he detected? Or perhaps, he thought confidently, it was simply obliviousness to where he was.

"Tsubone has told me about you," he said excitedly, adjusting his posture to face him from the root. "She says I'm not allowed to talk to you, nor come here, or even leave the house, really."

"Yeah, but how did you see me?"

He flashed a mischievous smile.

"Well, actually, I smelled you."

Killua paused, trying to figure out if what the boy was telling him was true or if he was just trying to pull his leg.

"So why are you here?" he concluded.

"I wanted to meet you. Are you the only kid here?"

"Maybe. What's your name?"

"I'm Gon! Is all this place yours?"

"My family's. How old are you?"

"Eight!"

"Ah, me too."

They both fell silent. Killua hadn't been far off in his guess then. They looked at each other for a while, sizing up, analyzing each other without a word, deciding if maybe, just maybe, the other was thinking the same thing at that moment.

He wasn't entirely sure how right this was. Not just the fact that Gon was here, so far from the Butler House, but talking to him. Wasn't this exactly what his family tried to avoid at all costs, him having any kind of contact with the outside world? In his eight years of life, he had barely interacted with a couple of butlers and caretakers, other than his own family. But now, the idea of secretly getting to know someone else somehow appealed to him.

He opened his mouth to say it, but it wasn't his voice that asked the question, loud and clear.

It was Gon who said it.

"Do you want to be my friend?"

The stern face of Mother flashed in his mind, and for a moment, he wondered what she might do if she found out. Even worse, he thought about what his brother Illumi might do.

He smiled.

"Okay." Gon flashed him a huge smile. "But," he added, lifting a finger in a warning gesture, "no one can find out. If Mother or my brother or any of the Butlers find out, they might kill you. "

Now it was Gon's turn to pause and think, and Killua quickly noticed how his cheerful expression shifted. Worry? Doubt, confusion? ...Fear? For a few moments, young Zoldyck regretted having mentioned that last bit.

He's going to say no, get scared, and go back to the House.

Then, Gon winked at him, shrewdly.

"Then it'll have to be a secret."

Fearless , Killua thought. And he couldn't help but smile.

~~~~~~

But fearless wasn't the only adjective that could be attributed to Gon, and that was something Killua discovered not too long after. From that day on, Gon's recklessness consistently had him toeing that dangerous line between mere fun and a more than imminent death just to visit him; a line usually defined by Mother's presence behind them, waiting in hiding, shotgun in hand. He was fully aware that on many occasions, he had narrowly saved his own skin by mere seconds.

And yet, Gon kept seeking him out whenever he could. Like a whirlwind of impulsivity ready to challenge any rule, sometimes he'd show up to show him some new bug he'd found, other times to sit and talk quietly away from adults, and sometimes just to say hi in passing, a quick reminder that he was still around while each of them continued with their lives in their own area.

But Gon wasn't just chaotic, Killua thought: he was also brave and determined. In essence, he was everything a Butler wasn't supposed to be, and often, Killua couldn't help but boast from the roof of the House or behind a tree at the sight of Gotoh or old Tsubone reprimanding Gon, trying to discipline him with punishments or training sessions that kept him up all night. Nothing he himself wasn't already used to, in any case.

What they didn't know was that the young Butler hardly cared about all that. Because despite everything, Gon enjoyed it. Meanwhile, a small part of Killua could only wonder how long all of this could last.

~~~~~~

"Are you sure it was this way?"

The constant crunching of underbrush under Gon's feet grated on Killua's nerves behind him. Every step was accompanied by a "crack" of dry branches breaking, echoing in the forest's silence as they moved forward together. After several minutes, Killua finally stopped with a dramatic sigh.

"Gon, you're so loud," he scolded, "what kind of Butler are you if you can't even move quietly?"

"It's not that easy," Gon replied, stopping too to look at him, and as he did, another branch cracked under him. He smiled sheepishly. "Sorry."

Killua rolled his eyes. He wasn't actually worried. Father had taken his brother Illumi on a family mission, and Mother had left the Mansion for a trip to who knows where, so they could proceed without worry about getting caught playing together.

"Yeah, I think it was this way." His eyes scanned the vegetation around them, looking for something. It didn't take long for him to find it, and with a satisfied smile, he pointed at a tree a few meters away from them. "See that mark there? I made it. We're going the right way." He took a few steps towards it and placed his hand on the bark. "We need to climb."

Gon nodded emphatically and moved to stand next to him. The tree was thick and so tall that they couldn't see the top, hidden among the branches of the surrounding trees, but Killua knew that if he had been able to climb it, then Gon was perfectly capable of doing so as well. They glanced at each other, and a mischievous smile crept across their faces: that was all the signal they needed. Without waiting another second, both of them clambered onto the tree and began to climb it at full speed in an impromptu race to the top.

They ascended with agility, panting as they clung to the branches with firm and confident movements, not stopping for a second and with smiles on their faces. Among gasps and laughter, the dispute over who reached the top first erupted as they reached the last of the branches.

"Ha! I won, I won!"

"No way, I got here first!"

"Liar!"

But that little argument died as quickly as it had started when Gon caught sight of where they were, and Killua smiled with satisfaction at his expression.

From the top, the view stretched into the vastness of the landscape, extending beyond the Zoldyck territory. If the forest surrounding the Mansion was gloomy and dark, the perspective from the top of the tree changed everything. The sunset sun, previously invisible due to the dense branches and vegetation, bathed the treetops in its reddish and ochre tones, enveloping them in a warm and welcoming atmosphere, completely opposite to what one might expect living in that place. Gon gazed out at this wonderful landscape, mesmerized.

"Do you like it?" Killua asked, with a mischievous smile. "I found it escaping from Mother the other day. Wanted to hide out to skip training. There aren't many trees tall enough to see everything like this," he explained. Gon smiled at his friend's proud look.

"Does anyone else know about this place?"

Killua shook his head and settled onto the thick branch.

"Just us."

Gon moved closer and sat down next to him.

They stayed quiet for a while, enjoying the views and each other's company. A sense of well-being enveloped both of them, something relatively new for Killua. He tried to relax, allowing himself to enjoy their company, the freedom this secret place offered, now shared just between the two of them. Gon was like a breath of fresh air in that place, so different from his family or any other Butler. Had it not been for his presence, he probably would have overlooked this spot, treating it like any other, but not with him by his side. How had he managed to change his perspective so much in just a couple of months?

Suddenly, he felt a slight shiver, and the soft smile that had adorned his face faded away. He hadn't noticed it before, but now he couldn't understand how it could have escaped his attention. Beyond the thick forest, the Zoldyck Mansion emerged among the trees like an entity in itself, just a couple of miles away from where they were, imposing, majestic, like an immutable guardian watching over all beings there. Watching them.

"You don't have to worry," Gon urged him, offering a comforting smile as he placed his hand on top of his. "Thanks for bringing me here. And for wanting to be my friend too."

Killua blinked, surprised by the sudden contact. Gradually, the expression on his face softened at the gesture, but he couldn't prevent a blush from crossing his cheeks.

"No..." he replied in barely an inaudible whisper. He quickly withdrew his hand and averted his gaze. "...No need to thank me."

...Thanks to you.

Final Notes: I dedicate this beginning to a few (of the many) AO3 authors who have led me into this beautiful and lively fandom with their stories, inspiring me to write my own, and I truly hope to encounter more: to Ash_1875, Nebulasaurus, WhisperingMolly, leahistyping, and GonKilluLuciel. And a special one to Lady_Hiako for supporting the Spanish fandom so strongly. Thank you very much to all, and also to those who read. The fandom wouldn't be anything without all of us. And that's it for the first chapter. I already have practically the entire structure planned out, so it'll just be a matter of writing and polishing the scenes. I don't want to venture to say how much time there will be between each chapter, but I'll be completely focused on it. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do writing it, and don't hesitate to let me know what you think. In the next chapter, we'll be joining Gon and Killua at age 12, but remember: this is a slow-burn romance. We'll continue to take it slow and enjoy the journey ;) See you soon! :D (And please, don't hesitate to correct me if you need to).

[kisayuri]

An Unfinished Conversation

(KilluGon one-shot)

After facing the Chimera Ants and going through an experience that nearly cost Gon his life, Killua and Gon reunite in the hospital.

They still have a pending conversation.

~~~~~~~~~

In the end, everything turned out fine.

His parents have finally lifted the alert about him and Alluka. Illumi is far away from him and his sister, and Nanika will stay with them for a long time. And Gon...

Gon is safe.

That sentence repeats in his mind. Over and over again.

Gon is safe.

Gon is okay.

Gon is alive.

So, why did he feel so terrible?

~~~

His fingers nervously gripped his cell phone. He knew Gon had been awake for several hours now, but not until his family gave him the green light did he even consider reaching out to see how he was. As far as he's concerned, Killua is now en route to the city after trying to find a way to save him, a feeble excuse to justify his sudden recovery. Now, sitting on a bench outside the hospital with his sister Alluka, they await his friend's arrival.

With a deep sigh, he leans heavily against the wooden backrest of the bench. His thoughts swirl with uncontrollable emotions he doesn't want to confront, but he can't help it: every time he closes his eyes, his mind drifts back to that forest. And he remembers that nen that was Gon, yet at the same time, wasn't. A nen filled with pure rage and desperation that could obliterate everything in its path. A destructive nen that wasn't Gon.

He feels a lump forming in his throat.

"Why did you have to do it that way?" he whispered to himself. "Were you so desperate that you couldn't even wait for me?"

He just wants things to go back to normal.

The sound of his phone interrupts his train of thought. Checking the screen, he notices at least twelve missed calls from Leorio. However, he knows it's not Leorio who's calling.

He only lets it ring twice before answering.

"KILLUA?!" Gon's voice echoes in his ear, causing his heart to skip a beat. It takes him a few seconds to find the words and to overcome the tightness in his throat.

"Hey, Gon," he finally answers. "Are you-"

"Killua! Where are you? We need to talk right now, Kite...! Kite's alive! I have to tell you everything... And- and I met Ging! Where are you, are you okay?"

"Gon, Gon," he interrupts. Beside him, his sister looks on with curiosity. "I'm at Swardani hospital. Where are you?"

"In the car! Leorio's driving me, we're heading there now! Don't move!"

"... I'll wait here."

"And, Killua..."

"Hm?" He waits, intrigued by the sudden change in his friend's tone.

"... Never mind... See you soon."

As soon as he hangs up the phone, he covers his eyes with one hand and an uncontrollable smile of relief spreads across his lips. He can sense the joy in his sister's voice when she asks if Gon's okay, and a nearly imperceptible tear escapes from the corner of his eye as he nods.

It's the same old Gon again.

~~~

Restlessly, Gon hangs up Leorio's phone and returns it to him.

"How did it go?" Leorio asks, not taking his eyes off the road as he slips the phone back into his pocket. Gon glances at him with a heavy look.

"Well... He didn't seem mad."

"Of course, he isn't!" Leorio exclaims. "You just woke up from a coma and both of you have been through a lot. How could he be mad at you?"

Gon opens his mouth to reply, but Leorio beats him to it.

"Look... Whatever happened between you two, it's in the past, okay? What matters is everything turned out fine. Killua's your best friend. Stop worrying."

But Gon is worried. It's been less than a full day since he woke up. He finally met Ging, then learned of Kite's return, and that everyone's okay. At that moment, his head was a whirlwind of emotions, with joy, confusion, and relief intertwined.

But there is something else.

In the midst of all the happiness, what he still remembers, what's still embedded deep within, is that overwhelming rage that blinded him and set him aflame from the inside out. His body, mind, and heart all disintegrating, burning him up.

He also remembers Killua, always having his back with unwavering calmness. He had always been the calm that his storm needed. But this time Gon messed up. He let his storm rage on, hurting even his friend in the process.

And that hurt him the most.

~~~

"Why are you so nervous, brother?"

"I'm not nervous," Killua murmurs, turning to her with a smile. "I'm excited. I finally get to introduce you to Gon! You'll see, Alluka!" he exclaims with feigned happiness. But it's not true, and neither is his smile. Alluka can still see it in his eyes. The truth is, anxiety is eating him alive.

It's just Gon, what's wrong with me?

Alluka shakes her head.

"Brother, are you sad because you're mad at Gon?"

His smile freezes.

And he realizes Alluka has hit the nail on the head.

Of course, he's mad at Gon. How could he not be?

"KILLUA!"

And there he was. Killua takes a deep breath and turns to Leorio's car that's just parked a few yards away. Gon's head pops out of the window, and as soon as they stop, he jumps out and runs toward him.

How could he not be, after Gon had done that to himself?

Killua rises from the bench somewhat slowly and takes a few steps forward to meet him, signaling his sister to wait behind.

How could he not feel this way after putting him through the worst days of his life, making him believe he'd lose him?

Gon finally stops in front of him. His eyes have always been an open window for Killua. Now he can clearly see guilt and worry and regret. However, a shy smile appears at the corner of his mouth. His heart hesitates.

How could he not feel this way... after almost leaving him forever?

"You've recovered," Killua murmurs. It's not a question, just an acknowledgment. He can notice how Gon slightly flinches at his tone.

Always the same. It's always me who cleans up your messes, but this time...

"Yes..." He scratches the back of his neck, avoiding Killua's intense gaze.

Killua wants to be angry with him. He wants him to apologize for everything, for being a fool who doesn't think before he acts. For leaving him. For moving on without him.

…For making him feel utterly alone again.

...This time you have to apologize.

Everything happens in just a split second. Suddenly, Gon's face crumples, and his golden eyes are flooded with a sea of tears like Killua has never seen before.

He sighs, feeling his strength crumbling.

"Gon..." he barely whispers.

"KILLUA, I'M SO SORRY!" he exclaims. "I've been such an idiot, I shouldn't have said everything I told you! And I was...!" He sniffles, "I was so angry and so sad and so out of it that..." He pauses for just a few seconds, searching for the right words. Finally, unable, he shakes his head. His eyes once again lock onto those of his friend. The only thing left in them now is pure sincerity. Killua watches him without saying a word. But what hurts me the most is that I've hurt you, Killua, a lot, and it's something I can never forgive myself for," he concludes, fixing his gaze on the floor before raising it back to him. "Honestly... right now, I don't deserve to be your friend."

Then something clicks in Killua's mind. What did he just say?

Without a second thought, he takes a step towards him and hugs him tightly. Gon doesn't hesitate and returns the hug even more forcefully, burying his face in his shoulder.

"Gon, you big idiot..." he begins with a sad smile, resting his chin on his friend's neck, "you're the best friend I could ever imagine having. And there's no way that can change," he continues. At this moment, his legs feel like jelly. He's acutely aware that what he's about to do, open up to someone to show his vulnerability, is something he's never tried, not even with Gon. He's grateful to be able to tell him without having to meet his big puppy eyes directly. "It's true that everything that's happened has hurt me a lot," he admits in a whisper, "but not being able to handle the situation, to help you... to be there for you, before everything happened... was undoubtedly the worst," he sighs heavily. "But it doesn't matter if you leave, if you do some absurd nonsense again, if we fight, I..." His hand tightly grips Gon's back. It's extremely hard for him to voice all these words out loud. He can't help but lower his voice, and a slight blush creeps onto his cheeks. "Listen closely because I won't repeat it, okay?" Gon nods against his neck, paying full attention. "Gon, I'll always want to be by your side. No matter what, who, or when. You're the most important person to me, and nothing can change that."

Killua surprises himself by feeling totally calm now.

"So don't you dare say something as stupid as you don't deserve to be my friend again, because I'll beat you up, you moron."

Gon nods without letting go of him yet, unable for the first time in his life to speak a word, something that Killua appreciates, just this once.

Now, at last, everything is alright again.

My goodness, the first story I've ever written. I truly hope that those of you who've made it this far have enjoyed it as much as I did writing it. The original ending in the series was terribly weak, and I couldn't rest until I wrote my own version.

Thank you so much for reading. I hope to continue sharing more stories about these two soon :)