kristenexperiments

[kristenexperiments]

I Got Drunk on Truffles in Victoria, and Honestly? No Regrets.

I’ve made a lot of questionable decisions in my life. I’ve cut my own bangs. I’ve bought fancy skincare without checking the price tag. I’ve said “you too” to a waiter who told me to enjoy my meal. But this time? This time, I got drunk on truffles. Yes, chocolate truffles. With booze in them. This is not a metaphor. This is not an exaggeration. This is a cautionary tale wrapped in foil and…

[kristenexperiments]

Disodium EDTA: The Unsung (But Kind of Suspicious) Hero of Your Skincare Products

Let me introduce you to the skincare ingredient that’s basically the backstage manager of your beauty routine: Disodium EDTA. It’s not glamorous. It doesn’t promise dewy skin or erase your pores with the fury of a thousand airbrushes. But it is in everything. Serums? Check. Face wash? Check. That suspiciously budget-friendly lotion you picked up at Target during a moment of emotional weakness?…

[kristenexperiments]

This “Castle” Has No Moat but All the Drama: A Visit to Craigdarroch

At the remains of what was once the grand entrance gate to Craigdarroch, I declared—arms spread wide like a low-budget Disney princess: “I’m going to see a castle!” Cue every Canadian, tourist, and possibly the squirrel perched on a nearby cedar going, “Well, technically…” Apparently, the entire population of the Western Hemisphere has been to Europe and now feels personally responsible for…

[kristenexperiments]

The Leafy Legend: Italian Parsley, or That One Herb You Keep Buying and Forgetting About

Let’s talk about Italian parsley. Yes, that frilly imposter’s cooler, flat-leaf cousin. The one you bought once thinking, “Oh I’m gonna cook like Giada De Laurentiis,” only to find it liquefied in your crisper drawer three weeks later. RIP. But this humble little herb deserves a redemption arc. She’s the Florence Pugh of garnishes: delicate, punchy, and slightly underappreciated in her early…

[kristenexperiments]

Redemption Is a Rich, Chocolatey Torte: A Love Letter to the Empress Cake

We need to talk about the cake that changed everything. Look. I was ready to call it. The Empress and I? We were done. After my underwhelming tea experience—tepid brews, mediocre scones, and cucumber sandwiches that tasted like leftover tragedy—I’d mentally filed the whole place under “Fool Me Once.” But then this little box of magic walked into my life. Even the Box Had Main Character…

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MAC Hyper Real Canvas Cleanse Off Oil: The Oil That Mostly Could

Let me tell you about a little product that slid into my bathroom cabinet like a slick-haired con artist whispering, “Trust me, baby. I got this.” Enter: MAC Hyper Real Canvas Cleanse Off Oil—a name that sounds like it’s trying way too hard at a Marvel audition but is, in fact, a makeup remover. And a good one. Mostly. First Impressions: Luxurious, Like a Spa for My Face This oil is fancy.…

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Murchie’s Tea Review: Come Sit in This Steeping Hot Blanket Fort With Me

Let’s set the scene: it’s raining, obviously. You’re wearing the kind of socks that only get sold next to fireplaces in boutique gift shops. You’ve made the conscious decision to put your phone on “do not disturb” because the only thing that matters right now is what’s in your mug—and that mug, friends, contains Murchie’s. I stumbled into Murchie’s like a tired Victorian ghost looking for a warm…

[kristenexperiments]

Goat Cheese: A Journey Through Time, Taste, and Tangy Regret

by Kristen (your friendly, skeptical, trying-not-to-gag blogger) Let’s get something out of the way right now: I don’t like goat cheese. I know, I know. Somewhere a French cheesemonger just fainted into a wheel of camembert. But in the interest of journalistic integrity and pretending I’m the kind of person who can appreciate “complex flavor profiles,” I’ve put my personal taste aside and…

[kristenexperiments]

Blush Better: How Not to Time Travel to 1992 With a Single Swirl of Your Brush

Let’s talk blush. That sweet little pop of color that’s supposed to make you look alive, dewy, and like you just got back from a brisk walk with your French lover in the Alps. Instead, it’s making half of us look like we’ve time-traveled back to a school photo day in 1992 where we let our mom do our makeup and now we have regrets. And evidence. You’ve heard it. You’ve probably done it. “Smile…

[kristenexperiments]

Chateau Victoria: I Stayed in This Hotel and Accidentally Tried to Move In

Listen. I’ve stayed in a lot of hotels. Some were fancy. Some were weird. One had a mysterious stain in the mini-fridge I still think about with concern. But Chateau Victoria? That place hit different. I miss it. Unironically. I know that sounds dramatic. Who misses a hotel? That’s like saying “I miss that DMV” or “I miss the breakroom at my old job.” But the Chateau Victoria didn’t feel like a…

[kristenexperiments]

The Two Suite Sour: Like a Tuxedo in a Dive Bar

Let’s be clear: the Two Suite Sour from Glass Backwards is not here to hold your hand and tell you everything’s going to be okay. It’s here to throw on a velvet blazer, kiss your forehead, and whisper, “We’re doing crimes tonight.” This cocktail starts out all business—a classic sour formula dressed to impress—but then it turns around and throws a splash of orange juice in your face like an…

[kristenexperiments]

Brands: Royal Fern - The Brand That Bottled Ferns and Somehow Made It Sexy

Once upon a time in the hallowed halls of European dermatology (read: a very sterile, white-walled clinic in Munich), a very serious man named Dr. Timm Golueke decided that what your skin really needed… was ferns. Yes. Ferns. Dr. Golueke, a board-certified dermatologist with cheekbones sharp enough to exfoliate your soul, launched Royal Fern with one central thesis: that the humble…

[kristenexperiments]

My Site Has Moved!

To find me at my new digs, please visit KristenExperiments.com

[kristenexperiments]

Centrimonium Bromide: The Smooth Talker in Your Conditioner Bottle

Let me paint you a picture: you’re in the shower, massaging that silky, sweet-scented conditioner into your hair, fantasizing about emerging like a Pantene commercial. And your hair does feel softer. Less tangled. A little like you’ve got your life together. You can thank a stealthy little ingredient for that: centrimonium bromide. It doesn’t get star billing. It’s the session musician of…

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A Brief, Deeply Confused History of Victoria, British Columbia (A City With More Tea Than Trauma Processing Skills)

There’s a corner of Canada where it always smells like sea salt and overpriced potpourri. The sun hits the harbor just right, and suddenly you’re convinced you do believe in ghosts, but only the well-mannered, Edwardian kind. This place is called Victoria, British Columbia, and it is essentially a living Pinterest board. And like Pinterest, it’s beautiful. It’s soothing. It’s covered in delicate…

[kristenexperiments]

Estée Lauder Double Wear Stay-in-Place Foundation: A Cautionary Tale in Full Coverage

There are a lot of beautiful lies in this world. Photos of hotel rooms. Celebrities who “just woke up like this.” The words “new and improved” on anything that once came with a plastic toy. But perhaps the most personally wounding lie I’ve encountered recently came in the form of a frosted glass bottle. The Estée Lauder Double Wear Stay-in-Place Foundation. A foundation so famous it doesn’t…

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Hazelnuts: Rich Girl Energy in a Shell

Because your pantry deserves better than raw almonds and self-loathing Let’s talk about hazelnuts, the trust fund babies of the nut world. They’re small, fancy, expensive, and taste like generational wealth dipped in chocolate. Unlike the culinary deadweights that are plain cashews or the cardio bro energy of almonds, hazelnuts are here to say, “I don’t do CrossFit. I do croissants.” You may…