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Any time I see a hand in this shape, my heart rate spikes

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Hi, please feel free to delete if you'd rather not answer this. I just want to say that I don't think you're in the wrong for what went down with that creep, I don't think you were "leading him on". It sounds like you really tried to communicate with him but he kept shutting you down. And with all that time between you, you'd think he would get the message. It's good that you recognize how important it is to be firm about your boundaries but you ARE the victim in this, you were manipulated and objectified and that's a horrible thing to go through. You didn't deserve it. 💔

Hey anon how about I cry, I really appreciate your support and input 😭❤

But yeah... You're right. It's crucial to very clearly lay out boundaries, especially with fellow neurodivergents who genuinely struggle to understand cues and hints. But once those boundaries are communicated (especially on numerous occasions), and they're answered with that kind of behavior?? Nah fuck that, get the fuck out.

❌🔞MINORS AND NO AGE IN PROFILE DNI. This is a NSFW blog, you will be blocked on sight. (More DNIs in Pinned post.)🔞❌

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I've been doing a lot of self-reflection these past few months. I've been so badly craving more physical, genuine connections while also being so afraid to take the leap into actually hooking up or going to potential tickle meet-ups. I hate to admit that I feel like the biggest reason it's been so difficult for me to come out of my shell, to finally let myself be comfortable with teasing, and trusting someone with my body again, isn't entirely to do with the creepy parasocial behavior I experienced from my years on DA and Discord.

Having a shitty ex can really mess up your psyche. Personal venting under the cut. I am not typing this for sympathy or pity. I genuinely just, want to explain my reasoning for my own sake. And maybe hope that my story can resonate with others out there that have had similar shitty experiences.

I met him online. We initially clicked over shared nerdy interests, and soon after, kink stuff & horny roleplays. I was barely 18, he was 20. It started off benign, with some pretty good communication on boundaries and expectations going into our roleplays. But it slowly turned into nearly six years of him objectifying me, imposing kinks on me that I honestly didn't really vibe with, and brushing off any genuine worldbuilding I wanted to do with our shared characters and stories for his ideas of basic hentai plots & RPs. It turned into him persuading and guilting me into drawing NSFW art for him, sending him sexy photos of myself, brushing off my deep craving for tickling because it wasn't his interest while simultaneously ignoring my ick towards chokehold shit (and even going as far as mocking my fear of suffocation.)

And I'm ashamed to say that I just... Let him. Because I had such low self-esteem that I truly didn't think I deserved any better. Because he constantly hung his depression, asperger's and suicidal tendencies over my head if I dared give any pushback. Because in some weird fucked-up way, I craved the attention, no matter how demeaning, because I longed for a relationship that didn't make me feel ashamed to have unconventional desires. Taking those photos made me realize I could feel sexy in my own skin. Drawing those NSFW comics made me realize I actually really enjoyed drawing NSFW art, and it eventually encouraged me to make my original DA account. Sharing some of the same level of "I'm on the ace spectrum, but these particular kink/fetish scenarios are still appealing to me" with him made me realize I wasn't alone in not really feeling any genuine desire for penetrative sex. I was very steeped in a conservative upbringing that taught me to "save myself for The Right Man" that took years to break free from.

I never even got together with this dude irl. Thank fuck for it, honestly. But now, when there's even a mild hint of someone viewing me as an outlet to get their dick wet to, rather than a person that values kink as a truly intimate experience, I clam up and instantly go on the defensive. I automatically assume the worst will happen if I let myself be open to it. I refuse to let myself be used in such a way again.

And yet, kink does feel like a prevalent, important part of who I am. I'm still fairly vanilla, but I feel so sexy and empowered when I'm given the opportunity to break free of heteronormative expectations for what sexual experiences "should" look like. I love talking to people about some of my naughtier kinks that don't really work in a "realistic" setting. I genuinely don't think I could date someone who doesn't share my kinks to some extent. It feels like a balancing act. A tug-of-war between "I'm horny and I'm fine with it" and "if I let someone know I crave this, they will take advantage of me for it."

I know in my heart that, someday, I will find a play partner (or maybe romantic partner) that is way more respectful of my agency and my boundaries than that fuckhead ever was. I'm just so tired of being afraid of the Worst Case scenario.

This all being said. I don't want to claim that I was entirely the victim in this. Passively being the yes-man, being a doormat, especially with someone who is also neurodivergent, is what led to all the problems snowballing, and I acknowledge this. I had a lot of self-resentment for a long time because I allowed things to reach a point where I let him think I was comfortable with this behavior, until it was too late to salvage. This all taught me a very important lesson in being firm with my boundaries. I never want to unintentionally lead someone on again. I will always make sure I firmly communicate my needs going forward.

❌🔞MINORS AND NO AGE IN PROFILE DNI. This is a NSFW blog, you will be blocked on sight. (More DNIs in Pinned post.)🔞❌

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I just wanted to pop in and say You were one of the first artists I followed back when I discovered the tickling side of Tumblr and your art has always stuck with me. Seeing your art change through the years, and how awesome the pieces always turn out, and how much love you out into the art always inspired me to work on my own and I finally worked up the courage to make a blog where I can post my own art (first tickle piece being worked on as we speak!)

So I just wanted to say thank you - and I hope you're having an amazing day/night/timezone when you read this!

-Bunni 🐇

This is so sweet, thank you so much for this. I'm so glad I could be a source of inspiration for you <3 You absolutely deserve the space and the outlet to express yourself!!

❌🔞MINORS AND NO AGE IN PROFILE DNI. This is a NSFW blog, you will be blocked on sight. (More DNIs in Pinned post.)🔞❌

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Sapphire. I'm serious. You're such a damn enigma, and I love it.

Huehuehuehe good. I'm a mystery even to myself.

❌🔞MINORS AND NO AGE IN PROFILE DNI. This is a NSFW blog, you will be blocked on sight. (More DNIs in Pinned post.)🔞❌

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From that tickle ask post!!

💙 Are you vocal when you're tickling someone? If so, what are some teasy things you like to say when tickling someone?

I think that's how the question goes. If I had to choose a spot to base your answer off of, I'd pick the tummy/belly button.

ngl, I'd probably get too flustered to like. Go full flirty tease mode, or describe my actions. I can type teases just fine, like belly teases would amount to something like:

"I didn't know you were a belly-dancer!" "Looks like I found the perfect spot for buried treasure. There might not be gold, but I've hit the jackpot with giggles!" "I'm giving you quite the core workout, huh?"

But saying them out loud? Nah man x'D I'm a total brat by nature so my teases would be more along the lines of playful ribbing mixed with genuine compliments (bc I like to make people feel nice and appreciated.)

❌🔞MINORS AND NO AGE IN PROFILE DNI. This is a NSFW blog, you will be blocked on sight. (More DNIs in Pinned post.)🔞❌

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steel!! i'm personally not really into the kinks you post, but your art is so good i wish i was;;

Aw, that's very sweet! I appreciate that ;w; it's never my intent to 1.) "convert" ppl into my kinks or 2.) make anyone uncomfy with what I post, but it's really nice to know that my art is still enjoyable.

❌🔞MINORS AND NO AGE IN PROFILE DNI. This is a NSFW blog, you will be blocked on sight. (More DNIs in Pinned post.)🔞❌

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HAHAAAA I'm so glad my chaos is appreciated. I cannot be contained

(But also aaaaaa thank you I'm happy to brighten your day ;w; )

❌🔞MINORS AND NO AGE IN PROFILE DNI. This is a NSFW blog, you will be blocked on sight. (More DNIs in Pinned post.)🔞❌

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👏🏻 just 👏🏻 because 👏🏻 they 👏🏻 post 👏🏻 sexual 👏🏻 content 👏🏻 doesn’t 👏🏻 mean 👏🏻 they 👏🏻 automatically 👏🏻 gave 👏🏻 you 👏🏻 consent 👏🏻 to 👏🏻 be 👏🏻 a 👏🏻 creep 👏🏻

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I LOOOOVE LOVE LOVEEEEE WHEN SOMEONE KNOWS THEY’RE MAKING ME HELLA NERVOUS/FLUSTERED AND THEY HAVE THE NERVE TO ASK

“Does it make you nervous when I _____?”

“Am I making you nervous?”

“Don’t tell me you’re scared.”

“Can you uncover your face for me, puppy?”

“Do I make you nervous when I’m in your space like this?”

LIKE FUCK OOOOOOFF🥰😮‍💨

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what do you mean i have to have a Job and can’t just be someone’s tickle toy to play with all day

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"I'm gonna get you" means exactly what you think it means. It means I'm gonna chase you, catch you, hold you down, and tickle you out of your fucking mind.

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This is what I feel like I look like when I tickle myself lmdao.

Yes I did craft this crappy meme. Point and laugh, I’m laughing with you 😂

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I see a lot of ppl lately talking about how embarrassed they are to have a tickle kink. And like, I get it if they're working thru their own self-esteem, or complex feelings about their relationship with the kink. I get it if being embarrassed about it is part of the kink to them.

But time for my two cents: I'm not embarrassed to have this kink. I wouldn't feel good if someone tried to taunt me about how I should be humiliated, how I'm so "weak" or "pitiful", because I'm ticklish. I'd fucking deck someone for trying to put me into that headspace.

If anything, I feel the opposite: I adore having this kink. It's fun, sexy, silly, sensual. It makes me realize how sensitive my own body is and how many different ways I can get off and feel fucking amazing just from having my body touched. I love being a gremlin whose first instinct when annoyed is to launch a tickle-attack. I'm MAD that I can't talk about this kink more. I'm MAD that I don't have any interpersonal connections with knismos that don't live at least several hours away from me. What do you MEAN something this fun and intimate is seen as weird or even taboo??

Yes, of course I would be embarrassed to have someone who isn't a friend or partner find out that I'm ticklish, in the same way I'd be mortified if a total stranger that I have zero attraction to grabbed me and made out with me. I've talked in the past about how I don't mind 'playful' embarrassment (because I genuinely struggle taking compliments, & I feel resistant to ppl being all lovey-dovey to me). Yes, I struggle to say tickle out loud. I get pleasantly flustered by being teased lightly about it, but see above: I will not tolerate being outright mocked for it. Feeling vulnerable to the word is part of the enjoyment for me, so don't be a dick about it.

I dunno. The main reason I feel reserved about my tickle kink isn't embarrassment, it's self-preservation and fear of ending up with a play partner that won't respect my boundaries. Sure, once upon a time I was embarrassed about having a tickle kink, but over the years I've become a lot more comfortable with myself and my interests.

And to anyone out there who is struggling to come to terms with their kink: Love yoself. If it makes you happy, it makes you happy. Don't let anyone try to make you feel gross about it. 👌

❌🔞MINORS AND NO AGE IN PROFILE DNI. This is a NSFW blog, you will be blocked on sight. (More DNIs in Pinned post.)🔞❌

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and what if i said i was thinking about attending NEST 2026…

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Begging yearning longing crying for grooming gloves to be used on my feet

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I need to say something bratty and then get chased around the house knowing that the second I get backed into a corner and caught I’m going to suffer soooo bad and regret everything I’ve ever said