leandrealarry

[leandrealarry]

I don’t want to argue.

I don’t want to argue. I really don’t want to argue WITH YOU. I really don’t want to argue with you, because I don’t respect you. I don’t think you’re intelligent. AND/or I don’t think you’re open minded enough for this argument to be effective in any way. Or, maybe I’m not open minded enough, because I don’t respect you and I don’t think you’re intelligent. *SHRUGS* I’m witty all the…

[leandrealarry]

Vows

I was listening to this comedian talk about wedding vows. I apologize because I don’t remember his name. He was focused on “to have and to hold.” Beautiful take on the vows, and I found myself laughing fully too. This made me think of all the vows and the effect they’ve had on my life and relationships. AND how they’d led me to the defiant space I currently live in. What was my realization?…

[leandrealarry]

Right now, I’m the problem.

If I told you how many dating starts I’ve had recently, that didn’t go ANYWHERE, you’d be shocked. If I told it’s because I’m the problem, you’d be disappointed in me. But, let me explain. If it doesn’t feel like the end of a 90s sitcom, series not season, I don’t want it. I don’t want any of it. I mean the tears, long rocking hugs (full frontals and side-to-sides), and big smiles with extra…

[leandrealarry]

Happy Birthday, year 44

For this birthday, I got progressive lenses. Happy Birthday to me! This is my new year. 24 days in, and I should have figured something out, right? I dated this guy who would ask what my goals were for the new year. He’d have some plan or aspirations written out for himself and be open to sharing. I’d write down most people’s top 3-5, lose weight, exercise, get my money straight, healthy…

[leandrealarry]

Turn the other cheek.

I’m not taking that as literal as some of you are. Birthed from a conversation (of course): Me: “How much more are you willing to go through?” Him: “I guess I’m turning the other cheek.” Followed by a sigh and a shoulder drop. Me: “Huh?” Him: “It’s Biblical. You don’t just walk away from people that have wronged you.” Me: “I know it’s Biblical, but I don’t believe that you’re supposed to…

[leandrealarry]

Versions

The people I meet now are introduced to a confident woman who doesn’t settle for any nonsense. This me refuses chaos, will “okay” you to death, and promises to love it if you like it. I’m short with you, if I find anything else is a waste of my time or intelligence. And, I can adore you from a distance because holding a grudge is aging, and I’m confidently in my 40s. There are people in my past,…

[leandrealarry]

Things you’re too old for (part 1 of infinity)

I just reprimanded a man for lying to me. I just reprimanded a 40+ year old man for lying to me. I just reprimanded the third 40+ year old man in the last 30 days. Guess what for? Yep. Lying! How are we in our 40s, and I mean comfortably in our 40s, and still lying to each other on dumb shit? Before you ask, it’s not me. It’s. Not. Me. I’ve had similar conversations with other 40+…

[leandrealarry]

There was this guy…

There was this guy. He’s been in every decade of my life, but we have never connected enough to move forward. Until now. We matched to each other on a dating site. Funny because I wasn’t really taking the site seriously until him. Maybe now, I thought. Maybe this is the right decade for us. We started off great. Lots of laughter. Lot of jokes and reminiscing. It was light and heavy at the same…

[leandrealarry]

Present & Absent

View this post on Instagram A post shared by KrewSeason (@krewseason) I was having a conversation this week about losing something because you didn’t value having it. It was a someone, but I’m trying to be vague to avoid tears or a conversation. Me, I shut down after so long, and if I shut down on you, there’s probably nothing you can do to get me back. Realize that before I shut down, I will…

[leandrealarry]

Etiquette

Etiquette states that I can’t be mad at you for not speaking UNLESS I spoke. Now, if you didn’t speak back, I can be as mad as I want to be. But, if neither of us spoke neither of us gets to be angry. Got it. So, this man stood me up after giving me every indication that he was interested in spending time with me. Like stone cold ghosting, and I was blindsided. I didn’t know we still did that…

[leandrealarry]

Stop Touching It

View this post on Instagram A post shared by 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐬𝐞𝐭|𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧|𝐑𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩|𝐆𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐭𝐡 (@gratefulandgrowingminds) This really resonates with me. “To heal a wound, you have to stop touching it.” “Touching it does more harm than good.” Those are exact words I’ve spoken to my sons when they needed to inspect the ouchie under the bandaid by exposing it and poking at it. “You aren’t ‘checking it,’…

[leandrealarry]

Do you want to know if you’ve been cheated on?

Is ignorance bliss? I encourage people to know, if they are going to take action. If you want to know, but nothing is going to change, should you put yourself through that? If knowing determines the life of our relationship, tell me. If knowing is going to encourage me to make certain decisions, tell me. And, the decision may not be about us. Did you cheat on me with someone else who should be…

[leandrealarry]

You don’t want help. You just want to talk.

Her: “He doesn’t appreciate me.” She almost whined as soon as I sat down in the pedicure chair beside her. Me: “Okay.” I took out one of my AirPods, the one that fit best, and hit play on the podcast I’d been listening to on the drive there. I was prepared for this to be ridiculous. Her: “Just, okay?” Me: “Yep.” Her: “Where’s the relationship non-expert rambling on and on about what to do,…

[leandrealarry]

Hold my hand

I’m writing this on the family break at my oldest son’s orientation at LSU. I’m drinking a smoothie as quickly as I can, because there’s no food or drink allowed in the auditorium. Blaise is off in a session learning more about his new exciting life as a college kid student. I’m looking around at this mishmash of family units. There are a lot of single parents here, grandparents, and siblings.…

[leandrealarry]

This is the version of you that I know.

Him: “I’m not a liar, and I don’t appreciate you calling me one.” Me: “You have lied to me countless times.” Him: “Look. I hear you, but I’m not a liar. No one else would say that about me.” Me: “I’m speaking on my experience. This is the version of you that I know.” Nope, it didn’t go well after that. I didn’t expect it to. I. Don’t. Care. Who. You. Are. To. The. Rest. Of. The. World. I.…

[leandrealarry]

And then there were none

Yesterday, I ended two relationships. Both men that I’d been talking to. One man was a friend of mine and we’d been toying with the possibility of more. The other was a blast from the past that came back hot and heavy. I was entertaining both. Nothing physical with either, but I’m grown and I could if I wanted to. We were in the early phase. Enjoying each other’s company with good morning text…

[leandrealarry]

Be safe

thehotline.org Everyone is entitled to be and feel safe in their relationships. It’s the bare minimum. Emotional, physical, and psychological safety is a requirement. And, if you don’t have that safety, my prayer is that every resource available makes its way to you immediately. As someone who chooses to engross myself in the exploration of all types of relationships, I can’t let all that’s…