lettersfromthelostboy - Tumblr blog

[lettersfromthelostboy]

28.3.24

about a week ago, i wrote some new lyrics for a warden black and the weirdos song. here they are:

The jig is up, I guess I've been figured out

Been sweating bullets and hiding inside my mouth

You kept your cool when you saw right through me

I figured you would just rat me out but you never did

Best friends who keep each other's secrets

I guess that's what we are

We show our true selves in the dark

And plant kisses on each other's scars

Let's strut into the room like it's nobody's business

And all our greatest wishes came true

Me and you, we'll spin a ruse

Together, we will own the room

Everywhere we go, they'll want to know

They'll want to know why we're so special

It's going off tonight, let's meet by the tracks

Throw ourselves a rager, cause our lies made us famous

Best friends who keep each other's secrets

I guess that's what we are

We show our true selves in the dark

And plant kisses on each other's scars

Let's strut into the room like it's nobody's business

And all our greatest wishes came true

Me and you, we'll spin a ruse

Together, we will own the room

Everywhere we go, they'll want to know

They'll want to know why we're so special

[lettersfromthelostboy]

just thinking about you pulling me into an empty room and the trouble we could get into.

carpe diem

i hope the memory of this sticks

cause it’ll probably never get better than this.

[lettersfromthelostboy]

i wrote some lyrics for a new song yesterday, i might change them but i like what i have so far:

liars, liars, liars, i see liars

let’s all set their pants on fire

isn’t it so fun to watch them all freak out and run?

it’s all fun and games, until we bring the flames

we are lighters, they’re just cans of gasoline on legs

we’re the consequence, this is how it ends

this is how it ends!

[lettersfromthelostboy]

thanks again for reminding me why you’re one of the few people in the world that i just can’t stand. so suffocating. even when i’m doing nothing wrong, all you want to do is bother me. make me feel like something’s wrong with me and i’ll always be beyond fixing. the fact that you think i even need fixing. i don’t want to think that my life would be better without you in it, but i bet it would be easier. my options: tune you out or hope you shut your mouth. thanks for reminding me why you’re one of the few people in the world i just can’t stand. you’re never gonna read this so i can say this out loud…fuck you. fuck you and your opinion of me. your words don’t define me, and i’m sick and tired of letting them get to me. you don’t bother me anymore.

[lettersfromthelostboy]

i wish i could stop myself from thinking about things that make me angry. people in my life who make me angry.

[lettersfromthelostboy]

life lately.

been putting in a lot of hours at my day job after feeling the crushing weight of unemployment for the past month.

the world’s going to hell in a hand basket. i wish it wasn’t so, but the simple truth is there’s just no way to survive in this economy without a job, especially one that sucks the life out of you.

drawing a lot. creating art has always kept me sane, and even now. it’s been like therapy. i’ve started planning a comic that i’m itching with excitement to start drawing and writing.

on the topic of writing, i’ve been doing a bit of that here and there for my band. warden black and the weirdos songs are brewing. it’s been a little slow cause of how busy i’ve been but i hope to start recording some songs soon.

you say the most vicious things

the more you talk, the more it stings

i hope you know the pain i feel

is the only thing about us that’s real

anyway, that’s about it. more to come soon.

[lettersfromthelostboy]

i'm scared all the time.
i'm scared that i'll be broke and unemployed for a long time.
i'm scared of blowing my chance to break into the animation industry.
i'm scared of being too much for people.
i'm scared that i'll be living at my parents' house forever.
i'm scared every time i leave the house cause what if something happens and i don't make it back?
i'm scared of ending up alone. 
i'm scared every time i meet someone new cause what if they don't like the real me?
i'm scared of failing so i don't try as hard as i should to go after what i want.
i'm scared that i'm gonna hurt someone and become something i really don't wanna be. 
i'm scared that my friends won't love me anymore. and that they never even loved me to begin with. 
i'm scared of being in love cause it seems impossible to be in love with someone and for that to last. 
i'm scared all the time.

i’m scared all the time // a lost boy

[lettersfromthelostboy]

i’ve played it safe this whole time and i did everything right. i followed all the rules and did what i was supposed to. so i could avoid being exactly where i am right now (broke and unemployed). it’s funny how i get when things start falling apart: so sad and desperate under pressure, that’s not the colour that i want. i’m trying and failing to deal with the fact that my life is in shambles. and the voice in my head, it goes on and on. just droning on about how life can be so unfair. if i could just keep it together and move like the weather, everything will be just fine. and i can start to make things right. it’s all just trial and error. nothing major.

[lettersfromthelostboy]

even though i hit pause on band stuff, it’s still in the back of my mind. i had some time to kill during work this morning so i wrote lyrics for two future weirdos songs:

1) We Haven’t Played a Show and Yet We Wrote a Song About Playing Shows:

take these words to heart

wear them on your skin like battle scars

the smells, the sweat, the sticky basement floors

the kids singing back to us and screaming “we want more!”

we want that feeling back

we miss it

oh how we miss it

it’s been so long since we’ve been here

we never thought we’d have these moments again

but we’re here and we don’t want this night to end

we want that feeling back

we miss it

oh how we miss it

2) Retaliation Song;

i want to make them scared

i want to make them wish they never messed with me

they made me really mad

i crushed a glass in my hand

even though it hurt so bad

i never let anything go, you see

i’ll make them pay, that’s a guarantee

i could just take the high road

but that’s just not my way

that’s not my way

cause they did me wrong

so i put it in a song

and i will make them see

why they shouldn’t have crossed me

making noises with the band

an echo chamber for what’s bubbling underneath

they must hate it when i’m sad

cause my emotions will drag down everyone with me

i never let anything go, you see

i’ll make them pay, that’s a guarantee

i could just take the high road

but that’s just not my way

that’s not my way

cause they did me wrong

so i put it in a song

and i will make them see

why they shouldn’t have crossed me

[lettersfromthelostboy]

hi everyone. since tumblr’s making a comeback and i’ve been getting some new followers, i thought i’d (re) introduce myself. my name is andrew bokole. or as i’m known here, “letters from the lost boy”. i’m an artist/writer, i live in the uk. i love cartoons, comics, movies and music. i started this blog in 2016-2017 to work on writing more and as a safe space to make some sense of my many, many thoughts. i work in a cinema, but as a day job. my real passion is to work for an animation studio creating art. i also play guitar in a band called warden black and the weirdos. you should check out our track “rock and roll has my heart” on soundcloud:

i might post some lines for future songs on here so if you’re interested, watch out for that. and if you’re also interested in seeing some of my art, i post them on my main blog @warden-is-the-new-black

that just about covers it. i’ll be posting more on here to keep you guys updated. until then.

here’s what i’ve been listening to (i’ve been really into japanese music lately):

[lettersfromthelostboy]

this is going to be difficult -> i am capable of doing difficult things -> i have done everything prior to this moment -> this difficulty will soon be proof of capability

[lettersfromthelostboy]

there is nothing like smiling for the world

when you’re breaking inside

(these-words-i-speak)

[lettersfromthelostboy]

cradle me, cradle me and put me to sleep with a story about all of the things that make us special.

what is it that makes us special?

[lettersfromthelostboy]

i might've lost my way again but I'll find it in no time. until then, you should find yourself a better replacement. it's not always easy trying to hold myself together, what with the flux of late night thoughts and lingering secrets bubbling underneath that keep eating away at me. and all the little things going on outside my house keep me awake so i have to force myself to sleep at night. police sirens coming in and going out. the angry couple next door screaming obscenities at each other (and it's not even the first time. it's just a regular thing at this point). but then i (finally) fall asleep. and i dream. and in my dreams, a multitude of strange things happen. most of which i can barely remember. the things i can remember are simple things like intimate moments with people i've never met. i remember in one dream, i skipped work to see this woman i met sing at a bar and we just connected. i hold onto moments like this cause i'm doubtful that will ever happen for me and it's the closest I'll ever get to feeling real intimacy. cue the pity parade. forever stuck on the spiral of self-loathing and shame. or maybe i'm just putting myself down. like always. will i ever get past this? maybe. probably (not). i might've lost my way again but I'll find it in no time. eventually.

i might've lost my way again // a lost boy

[lettersfromthelostboy]

sometimes i don't know why i'm even here in the first place. like i must've been dropped in from outer space. i want you to know what's inside my brain, but i'm afraid I'll scare you away. i grow quieter and more distant each day. sometimes i forget who i am or where I've just been. i find it harder everyday to live in my own skin.  sometimes i don't know why i'm even here in the first place. like, what am i even contributing? why am i here in the first place? i daydream more than any person should. i can't help but think that on the other side waiting for me is a better life. caught between two cracks on the sidewalk trying hard not to fall down. so far down. no one can hear me scream or shout. the only thing i regret is not doing more as a son or friend. i'm always off in my own little world now and again. forgetful, ignorant, stubborn, selfish, and stupid.  i wish i could open up and let you in. now you know what's inside my brain. i hope i didn't scare you away.

the thoughts of a spiralling headcase (26.12.22) // a lost boy

[lettersfromthelostboy]

[lettersfromthelostboy]

keep your eyes on the prize. don't get comfortable where you are. your situation is only temporary. remember your dreams and put in the work to make them a reality. create, don't stagnate. do it for yourself and no one else. keep your eyes on the prize. no matter what anyone says.

keep your eyes on the prize // a lost boy