libraryoflostwords

[libraryoflostwords]

the notes of that post being like “anakin went evil and padme died of sadness of course she wouldn't be fine if he died” but she died of sadness because he destroyed literally everything she ever stood for, her entire life's work went up in flames, and she was more or less responsible for enabling and rewarding anakin's sociopathic tendencies and she was instrumental to palpatine's rise to power who immediately upon making himself absolute ruler he ordered the genocide of an entire religious order which most of their figureheads were personal friends. idk man if i even reached that point I think the guilt and sadness would kill me too. like maybe anakin just dying tragically in the war would have been the best scenario here.

[libraryoflostwords]

'I think the party's over.'

The house is quiet now; dark. It's Tiffany's place, or it might be Jessica's. Steve can't quite remember. It might have something to do with the fist he received to the face or, maybe he just never really cared in the first place.

He has lost his crown.

It's bullshit, anyway. Made of fucking plastic this whole goddamn time. 

He'd lost it before Hargrove paraded into Hawkins, all fire and sex and rock 'n roll. 

King Steve doesn't exist, and never really has existed. It's all small town bullshit. 

Bullshit. 

Nancy's right. 

Steve is bullshit through and through, which is why he came to this party in the first place. The first party since his last, when Nancy had pointed it out for him. Put everything into perspective and had helped Steve realise. 

He only came for this. For his - what's the word?

His resignation. 

To step down from his fake platform, and to hand his crown over. 

Had willingly walked into this party, just to be dethroned. Or. 

Just because he felt like fighting. 

He knew he could count on Billy Hargrove to give him that. 

For once, Steve had been right about something. 

Now, they're lying on their backs, on Jessica's lawn - or Tiffany's lawn - and the crowd have dispersed. The crowd dispersed a lifetime ago, really. After the first punch: Billy's fist to Steve's jaw. Steve had stumbled, tripped over his own feet and landed, with a thud, in the freshly cut grass. There'd been murmurs from their audience. A couple of oof's, that sounded mildly sympathetic, and several more groans, or laughs, that sounded quite like Steve's crown slipping from his head and smashing into pieces. 

They'd thought the fight was over, or they just stopped caring, because people had left them to it. Had gone on with their drinking games inside the house; had gone on dancing and making out, and having normal fun, while Steve stayed outside, just to get his kicks. 

Just to heave himself up from the ground, much to Billy's surprise. To throw himself at Billy, fists swinging. Got him in the stomach, actually, and there was something satisfying in Hargrove's pained grunt. The way he'd stumbled backwards, too. Gratifying, even if, ultimately, Billy had stayed standing. 

Billy had shot back, all fists and strength, as though he was trying to win. 

Like he didn't know that Steve's already lost everything. 

That's how he fought, though; with nothing to lose, and that's probably why, in the end, Steve got an impressive punch in there. One with enough impact, enough force, to land Billy on the floor, after all. 

And. Steve had been light-headed, weak-kneed, and had flopped right down with him. Next to him. Had actually spared the dick a once-over, just to make sure he hadn't caused too much damage. He quickly relaxed after noticing the wicked smile on Billy's face, as though he was enjoying it just as much as Steve. 

They've caught their breaths now. They've been here, tucked into the grass, shoulder-to-shoulder, for too long. 

Long enough for the navy sky to turn black. Long enough to hear cars screech away from the house.

To hear silence unfold around them. 

Long enough to realise that nobody cares about their disgraced king, or their newly-anointed king. 

It's all bullshit. 

Steve just hums in response to Billy's comment. Says, 'It was a shit party, anyway.' 

Billy laughs, and it sounds hoarse. Sounds like Steve has punched him in the throat, not in the nose. 'Guess that's something we can agree on.' 

Steve stays silent. Stares straight up, instead. The sky's clear, not a cloud in sight; a dark blanket, speckled with diamonds. 

The sky is usually quite impressive in Hawkins. That's one thing, perhaps the only thing, the town has going for it. 

It's just. The last time Steve was on his back like this, watching the stars, Nancy had been with him. Had been talking about constellations, and other things that Steve couldn't wrap his head around, but. That hardly mattered. What mattered was Nancy, and stars, and love. 

It's different, here. Looking up at the stars and knowing, now, that everything's bullshit. It doesn't quite take the spark away from the dots in the sky, though. Steve figures that, maybe, they're the only thing that do matter. Knows now, what Nancy had meant when she'd told him that looking up at the sky, at the stars, makes her feel small. 

The sky is infinite, and everything down here is bullshit. 

Steve drags his eyes away from the sky. From the only thing that matters. Tilts his head so he can look at Billy, instead. 'You know it's all bullshit, right? The whole 'king' thing? Everything about Hawkins?' 

Billy shifts so he can look right back. It seems, for a second, that he'd been faraway too. Steve wonders, only fleetingly, what Hargrove thinks about when he looks at the stars. Does he see what Steve sees? Does he see their beauty? Does he feel small? Steve reckons that Billy would try to pick a fight with them if he could. 

'Then why'd you come to fight me?' 

It's a reasonable enough question. It's just that, Steve's honest answer is far from reasonable. 

It doesn't stop him from saying it though. 

'Because I felt like it.' He grinds his teeth together. Hears his jaw click and he winces. It's probably swollen. 'Because I wanted to fight and I assumed you'd be here.' 

'Ah,' Billy says, like he gets it. Then, 'You wanted to fight me specifically?' 

'I knew you wouldn't let me down.' 

Billy scoffs, but it sounds amused. Sounds like he might be saying, figures. 

Steve's eyes fix to the spot of red beneath Billy's nostril. Dark and crusted, where Billy had given up trying to suppress the bleeding against his sleeve. Had just let it settle and dry instead. 'Sorry about your nose.' 

'Huh.' Billy waves a hand. 'I've had worse.' 

'Me too.' Steve shoots back, like it's some sort of competition, but. It's also true. He'd taken one hell of a beating from Jonathan Byers, once upon a time. 

After that, silence settles again, and Steve wonders why Billy hasn't already pushed himself up to his feet. Hasn't already left, with the others. Shouldn't he be driving a date home? Or maybe getting some in the backseat? 

He looks away from Hargrove and back to the sky. To the only thing that matters. 

The stars have been watching them; have witnessed every punch and stumble, have heard every groan and sigh. They've watched Steve slip the crown from his own head. They've watched him crush it up beneath his fists and his feet, where he's left it, in tiny shards, for Billy Hargrove to collect and put together again. To polish it up. To place on his own head. If he wants it. 

He can have it. 

He'll wear it better, anyway. 

Hawkins' new king is groaning; shifting so he can prop himself up on his elbows. Steve stays on his back. 

King Billy says, 'You get what you were looking for?' 

Steve says, 'Yep.' 

'Good.' Billy's getting to his feet now. Standing up, while Steve's on the ground. Already filling their new roles. Right where they belong, but. Billy says, 'Want a beer?' 

And Steve's still on the ground, Billy standing over him. He cocks his head, stares up at Hargrove who's blocking the sky, the stars. 

Billy shrugs. 'Got some cans in my car.' He kicks his feet against the grass, as though he's knocking off dirt from the bottom of his boots. 'Up to you.' 

Steve has nothing left to lose. 

'Sure. Why not?' 

Billy sticks a hand out for Steve to grab. Possibly a repeat of his trick back on the basketball court. But. Steve has nothing left to lose, so he reaches out and clutches Billy's palm. 

A second later, he's on his feet, face-to-face with Billy Hargrove. King of Hawkins. 

But. 

It's all bullshit.

Maybe there's no such thing. Maybe Hawkins isn't supposed to have a king.

Maybe they're both bullshit. Losers. 

Because there's nobody around. Nobody cares.

Their audience have fled.

Except for the stars. 

Steve brushes the dirt off his jacket. Says, 'Let's get out of here.' 

[libraryoflostwords]

scars in fiction: I got this trying to save my lover from an assassin- but tragically, I was too late. now I carry the mark of my failure with me always, and I can never forget~

scars in real life: so I was trying to open macaroni sauce with a paring knife

[libraryoflostwords]

greye.. steve and billy wearing each other’s letterman’s and freshmen think that billy’s name is steve and steve’s is billy because of it..

Anon! This is a wonderful idea and I took it and made it slightly funnier because Billy's Letterman jacket is from California. It's "hard" to Letter in 1 year so I imagine he would have gotten a jacket from there. Also, did you know that if you Letter more than once they just...give you additional felt letters? You only get one jacket, unfortunately.

“Stevie!” Billy shouts from where he’s sitting way too close to the fire in Steve’s backyard. “Bring a guy a jacket, would you?” 

Steve stares at him blankly for a minute, in what world is Steve responsible for making sure Billy doesn’t freeze to death? It’s probably the world where he allowed Dustin Henderson to tell him to take care of some demon dogs, so Steve turns on his heel with a defeated sigh. 

The thing is, Billy is broader than Steve in the shoulders, his waist is a little less tapered, he can’t exactly take one of Steve’s pullovers without stretching it out. And Steve doesn’t have an abundance of hoodies, his mom thinks they make him look sloppy. So he’s left with virtually only one option. 

Steve’s fingers close on his Letterman jacket, earned his junior year for placing first in Regionals for swimming. It’s kind of a weird texture, but generally warm and Steve stares at it for a minute before deciding fuck it and bringing it down for Billy. 

Sure, this sort of thing is usually reserved for a girlfriend and not the guy you tolerate who sometimes sucks your dick. But this jacket is kind of big on Steve so it’s guaranteed to fit Billy’s stupid biceps. And no girls Steve knows deserve to have his Letterman. At least Billy also has a Letterman jacket from California. 

He tosses it directly at the back of Billy’s head when he gets outside and flops back down into his pool chair. Steve has his Members Only jacket on as always, collar turned up to protect him from the biting wind. 

Billy grins and leers at Steve as he slips it on, stalking over to flex in the fucking jacket. As if Steve can see his muscles through the thick sleeves. At least the kids aren’t around to make fun of them. Nancy and Robin are, but they’ve been cuddled up in the same pool recliner and keep making eyes at each other, so Steve kind of doubts they’re going to notice. 

And Steve can’t bring himself to care much anyway when Billy straddles him on the pool chair and shoves his tongue down his throat. And if the way Steve shoots off almost as soon as Billy gets a hand on his cock is any indication, he might find Billy wearing his Letterman jacket a little too attractive. 

When they eventually make it upstairs, long after Robin and Nancy have left, Steve falls asleep almost immediately. His brain is absolutely connected to his dick because he always does this, passing out right after he cums. 

When Steve wakes up in the morning, Billy is gone and so is his Letterman jacket. Steve mutters a curse under his breath, but tries not to be too torn up about it, it’s not like he was using the damn thing much anyway. 

***

Steve gets him back though when Billy convinces him to go skinny dipping in Lover’s Lake. By some miracle (Billy being an asshole), Steve’s shirt ends up in the lake and he stands there dripping and shivering until Billy offers him his California jacket in maroon and silver. 

“Damn,” Billy mutters when Steve shrugs it on and shoves his hands into the pockets. “Maroon looks better on you, pretty boy.”

Steve just grins and decides he’s never giving it back, it’s comfortable, more comfortable than his own that Billy still hasn’t returned. And a part of his heart flutters when he thinks of Billy wearing a jacket embroidered with a cursive “Steve” across the lapel.

***

There are a couple new kids on the basketball team this season, freshmen who are showing real potential, Harrington. They’re okay, but they’re new and consequently they don’t know anyone’s names. 

Steve’s not sure if it’s because his reputation has stopped preceding him or if it’s because these kids just came out from underneath a rock. But for the first two weeks of playing together they exclusively call him Harrington and Billy, Hargrove because their last names are on the backs of their t-shirts. 

Billy decides for the both of them to not give any of the kids a helping hand and introduce themselves. So they’re only going by their last names until the cold snap moves in. 

Steve takes to wearing Billy’s jacket because it’s warmer than his Members Only jacket, and sure enough, Billy takes to wearing Steve's. Steve teases him because the green washes him out, and Billy finds ways to neg Steve about being whipped for wearing another guy’s jacket. It’s fun, it makes Steve’s heart flutter to know that maybe giving Steve his jacket had been Billy’s ploy all along. 

But it gets even funnier when the freshmen start to pay attention to their jackets. One asks Steve about California and he gives the kid a bewildered look before telling him it's beachy. Another asks Billy if he can help him out with his backstroke for the next swim season and Billy gives him a sly grin and says something rude about a girl stroking his back. It’s just kind of odd and out of character for these freshmen to even be approaching them at all outside of practice. 

Nancy is the one who cracks the case. She has a class with one of the freshmen boys who is apparently very good at calculus. 

“Well he was sitting there, talking to one of the girls that he knows Steve Hargrove and I was completely confused, so I asked him to describe Steve. I swear he described Billy, blue eyes, blonde hair, a mean streak,” Nancy explains over lunch. 

Steve furrows his brow and looks at Billy, making a face. “Steve Hargrove?”

Nancy glances between them and fixes Steve with a wide-eyed look. “Yes! Because you’re wearing each other’s jackets!”

In unison, they glance down at said jackets, with their names embroidered on the lapels. Billy snorts and drags his finger along the curly Steve and Steve murmurs “Billy Harrington,” under his breath.

It sends Steve’s heart aflutter all over again and he snuggles into the jacket a little more. 

[libraryoflostwords]

Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore (2022)

Albus Dumbledore & Gellert Grindelwald + LOVE

[libraryoflostwords]

Callum Turner as Theseus Scamander Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore (2022) dir. David Yates

[libraryoflostwords]

Blindness I’m Condemned To

ahhhh this is the first time I’m posting any of my writing so please be kind!! also posted on ao3!!! 

inspired by the song Cassandra by Florence + The Machine. I could NOT stop imagining Billy stuck in the upside down to this song. (“Well, can you see me? I cannot see you. Everything I thought I knew has fallen out of view in this blindness I’m condemned to…”). Watching Steve get pulled into the upside down sparked this idea and I will be pretending it is exactly what happened from here on out thanks!!! SPOILERS FOR SEASON 4

Background: Steve and Billy had a secret relationship post season 2 but Billy kept getting scared his father would find out so would often call it quits for a few weeks before always coming back to Steve, but the last time Billy ran away was the start of summer and they didn’t see each other until Starcourt when it was too late :(

Steve Harrington had lost almost all regard for his own well-being. More so, he had a personal vendetta against the hell that had permanently ripped away the guy he was in love with, terrorized his friends and haunted his home town. So when things started happening again after months and months of agonizing emptiness and anger he had no idea what to do with, he was almost relieved to be able to dive back into it. Literally.

Keep reading

[libraryoflostwords]

everyone is like 'Eddie and Billy would be friends' or 'Eddie would hate Billy' or 'Billy would find Eddie annoying' but I maintain that if it were ever to come to a situation where they meet, Billy's first and only question about him would be "Max, the fuck's my drug dealer doing here?"

[libraryoflostwords]

this is the most aggressive i've ever seen him get and i for one am positively LIVING for this kind of cold wrath

[libraryoflostwords]

i don’t EVER want to hear “ughh why do people care about this celebrity drama they’re both bad it’s not that deep” again. if you cant see the sweeping ramifications of this you’re blind or dumb or both

[libraryoflostwords]

Stonewall Riots + 5 Names To Know

[libraryoflostwords]

can we have some billy jealous of eddie and steve, rather than angry jealous, billy is just sad </3 p.s. im in love with your writing!!

Greetings, anon! I'm so glad you love my writing, that's very sweet of you! Here is your request, vague spoilers for S4 in character names and such. I hope you enjoy!

Billy is aware of Munson in the off-hand way he’s aware of most of the people he goes to high school with. He knows the guy is a super-senior and that he hangs out with a bunch of nerds. Some of whom also hang out with Harrington, which seriously cramps Billy’s style. But his biggest problem with the guy is that he gets along with Steve. Too well. 

Billy’s not worried that Munson is going to replace him. (Okay, he’s a little worried about that). But Munson and Steve just seem to get each other sometimes. Which is strange because sometimes it sounds like they’re having a conversation in two different languages. By the end, they’re both usually grinning though so Billy figures it makes sense to them. 

The other thing is, the thing that makes Billy feel like a real piece of shit is that Munson has threatened Steve too. But Steve doesn’t flinch when Eddie touches him, not like he would the first couple of weeks after their fight. The one where Billy tried to kill him. 

Billy hadn’t been there for the actual threat, which is good because he might have actually killed Munson. But from what Henderson has said, it wasn’t sunshine and rainbows or Eddie immediately trusting Steve. And Billy knows they have mutual trauma or something, but Billy has mutual trauma with Steve too. For one, Steve saved him from the Upside Down. And two, well, they have sex sometimes. So that has to count for something. 

After Billy’s mom left him with Neil and Neil got remarried, Billy started to feel like a puzzle piece. He was part of the family, but also not, like he didn’t quite fit. He knows that’s where some of his anger has stemmed from, feeling like his father was trying to replace him before he was even out of the house. And now, he feels like Steve is doing it too.

Eddie already comes pre approved by Steve’s group of kids because he plays their role playing game with them. Billy is approved by Max and Steve, tentatively by Dustin, sometimes by Lucas, and never by Mike. He’s not certain where the junior Byers stands, but his ticket to the group is tenuous at best. Which usually doesn’t bother him, but it does when he feels like he’s being forced out. 

Now, Billy doesn’t know what the nature of Steve’s relationship with Eddie actually is. He doesn’t know if Eddie likes guys like that at all or if Steve has even told him that he’s bi, but Billy’s trust doesn’t come easily. He just sees Eddie and Steve with their jokes and their easy camaraderie and Billy knows it’s never been that easy for him and Steve. 

Steve tends to host get-togethers for their group the most. His house has the space and lacks the parental figures who will ask complicated questions. And after Billy came back, he was adamant of never stepping foot in the Wheelers’ house again. So it’s Steve’s these days. Which is cool by Billy, that means he can usually crash after instead of having to head back to the trailer with Max. 

But today, Eddie’s already there, drinking a beer with Steve, laughing about something. Billy’s heart falls through his stomach, straight down to his feet. It’s official, Munson is replacing Billy as Steve’s second best friend because Billy’s adult enough to admit that Robin is his first best friend. And he feels childish and stupid for how his heart breaks about it. 

Max pushes past him to get the best seat at their dungeon table or whatever and Billy clears his throat to announce his presence. 

Steve turns and gives him a megawatt smile, lifting his beer in greeting. “Billy! Hey man, grab a beer and come join us!”

Eddie sticks his tongue out playfully and lifts a baggie of weed. 

Billy swallows back the hurt and heads for the fridge. It’s fine. Munson probably doesn’t want to fuck Steve so Billy can settle for getting to see him naked. He pulls out a beer, cracking the top and taking a long sip. It settles warm in his gut as he joins Eddie and Steve in the living room. 

“Okay, so once I finish with the kids, I have an ounce for us to split, no need to throw in. Oh and while I’m gone, I brought that Scorpions album Steve wanted to check out,” Munson explains, giving Billy a smile. 

Billy settles on the other side of Steve so he’s in the middle. He nods a little, sipping his beer. “Didn’t know you were into Scorpions, Harrington.”

Steve grins ruefully and shrugs. “Well, when two of my friends can’t shut up about them, I gotta do something, huh?”

Eddie drains his beer and crushes the can as he gets up. “I’ve taught you well,” he teases with a dramatic bow. “I’ll see you losers later, don’t have too much fun without me!”

Eddie bounds down to the basement where the kids play and Steve shakes his head with a grin. “He’s crazy, but like fun crazy, you know?”

Billy nods, drinking his beer faster than he should. It’s the fancy shit, with a high alcohol content because Steve is still bougie. He goes to get a second, spending another moment wallowing in his self loathing. The kids call Billy crazy, but never fun crazy. 

When he returns, Steve has the Scorpions album playing from his sound system. He’s bobbing his head along to the beat and he grins up at Billy. “You seem to be in a bad mood, what’s up, man?”

Billy just shrugs, drinking his beer. There’s nothing to say, he just has to get over it and take what he can get. “Just a long day, man.”

Steve scoots a little closer and nudges Billy with his foot. “You’re drinking that beer like it was. C’mon, tell me about it.”

Billy shakes his head, looking down at the label. It’s already started peeling on one corner, he picks at it a little more. “Nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

Steve sips his beer and lets a few songs play. He can be good like that, giving space where it’s needed, distraction when it’s needed. It’s probably part of the reason Billy just can’t let him go. 

But Billy gets two beers deep and his tolerance is not what it once was, so he rolls his head along the back of the couch to look at Steve. “S’just fucked up, pretty boy.”

Steve furrows his brow and looks up at Billy. “What’s fucked up?”

“Just- Munson and you, you know? I thought we were friends but now you’re hanging out with him all the time and it just…it sucks,” Billy mutters, lifting his beer for the last swallow. 

Steve frowns a little and looks down, blinking hard. “We are friends, Billy. Eddie and I have just had a lot to talk about.”

Billy sits up more, his sadness mixing with anger and turning into messy irritation. “And I couldn’t know what you’re talking about? I can’t be part of it?”

“What? No it’s not that! It’s- nevermind, sorry for making you feel left out, blondie.” Steve grins, trying to get Billy to perk up with the nickname. 

Billy just rolls his eyes and shoves to his feet. “You know, maybe I should just walk home, I know when I’m not wanted.”

Steve makes a grab for him, shaking his head hurriedly. “No, Billy, sit down, I’ll tell you what we’ve been talking about.”

Billy stops for a moment, but he’s not strong enough to resist Steve. Not really. He nods and sits back down, looking at Steve expectantly. Get it out in the open, open the wound so it can heal. 

Steve takes a deep breath and holds out his hands. “Okay, look, I know you say I’m terrible at giving girl advice, but Eddie came to me first. Because he likes Chrissy and since she broke up with Jason, he’s thought about asking her out. So I said I could help him out with some ideas and we got to talking.”

“And I couldn’t be part of that because…?”

Steve flushes a little and looks skyward at the crown molding of his ceiling. “Well because in the process of talking about who he likes, we kind of got into who I like. And Eddie’sbeencoachingmeonmetalmusic.”

“What?” Billy asks because Steve mumbles a lot. 

Steve blows out a long breath. “Eddie has been teaching me about metal music or rock or anything like that so I can appreciate your music taste more.”

Billy furrows his brow, looking over at Steve. “Why?”

“Because! Because I wanted to make sure that I could share some of your interests.”

Billy shakes his head slowly. “I don’t understand.”

“Eddie likes Chrissy and I like…” Steve gestures to Billy. 

It takes a moment for his inebriated brain to catch up. “Me?”

“Bingo!” Steve points a finger at him and laughs nervously. “God, it seems so stupid now.”

Billy feels foolish and a little self-centered at that, but he does his best to let go of the sadness and feelings of betrayal. Because Steve is a dork who had to go to someone else to learn about the music Billy likes. So he could be prepared the next time Billy makes him a mixtape. 

“It’s not stupid,” Billy tells him, when enough time has passed for Steve to start squirming. “I feel stupid for getting jealous of Munson. Dude doesn’t even have a conditioner routine.”

“I know! I told him that’s step one of asking Chrissy out, but he doesn’t believe me.”

“That’s why you needed to involve me,” Billy drawls, spreading his arms confidently. 

Steve laughs a little and scoots closer. “Yeah, yeah, I know you’re the authority on picking up chicks.”

Billy grins at him, licking his lower lip. “And dudes apparently since you’re smitten with me.”

“And dudes,” Steve agrees, leaning in to kiss Billy. 

When Eddie makes his way back to the living room later, Steve is still pressing lazy kisses to Billy’s skin and Billy has his shirt unbuttoned. Eddie grins and holds up the weed. 

“Celebratory smokes on me!” He cries and mimes playing guitar. 

Steve sits up and mimes playing the drums and Billy just rolls his eyes. Dorks. 

[libraryoflostwords]

The space underneath Skull Rock provides the perfect escape from the hot midday sun. And it's a nice little area, too, the dirt soft enough that it doesn't hurt to sit on, and plenty far away from prying eyes. Just in case.

Steve brought them out here instead of their usual spot by the quarry. Initially, Billy refused, his hatred of the woods strong enough to prevent him from stepping a single foot inside. But Steve lured him in with the promise of good weed.

So here he is, sitting across from Steve underneath a massive boulder that's shaped like a skull. They're on their second shared joint, and Billy feels light.

"This thing isn't gonna fall and crush us, is it?" Billy asks, looking at the ceiling covered in graffiti.

"Relax, that only happens in cartoons. This thing is solid, it's been here for years." Steve smacks the rock behind him as if that proves his point.

"It does not just happen in cartoons. One earthquake and this whole structure goes tumbling."

Steve giggles as he blows out a cloud of smoke. "We don't get earthquakes in Indiana."

"Whatever, if we get squashed like bugs under here, don't say I didn't warn ya." Billy takes the joint from Steve, puts it to his lips and inhales. Each hit feels as good as the first. It's good weed, just like Steve promised. Far better than what Billy's used to.

"No way this is Tommy's shit."

Steve's face scrunches up. "Tommy?" He asks as he makes a grabby hand for the joint. Billy hands it to him after taking another hit. "Nah, I don't smoke Tommy's pot. That shit's stale. I bought this off of Eddie."

Billy's head snaps up. "Eddie?"

Steve nods, passing the joint back. "Eddie Munson."

That nice giddy feeling Billy had is suddenly gone.

"You're buying weed off of that freak?"

Steve rolls his eyes, annoyed. "Oh, come on, don't act like that. You two are like, the exact same person."

"Bullshit, we are not," Billy protests. The joint is plucked from his fingers before he even puts it to his mouth.

"You are too. Same style, same taste, you're both, like, y'know... 'out there', or whatever. In fact, I'm pretty sure you'd be friends with him if you weren't so jealous."

Billy scoffs, stealing the joint right back. "I'm not jealous of that weirdo."

"Yes, you are, you totally are." Steve moves closer, whether he realizes it or not. "You get all stiff and pouty lipped every single time I mention him to you."

"I do not!"

"You do too, you're doing it right now!" Steve reaches out to poke at Billy's lips. Billy snaps at his finger like a dog, making Steve giggle like a maniac as he pulls his hand back. "See, I'm right!"

Billy rolls his eyes. He blows smoke directly into Steve's face before placing the joint in Steve's mouth and closing it with a hand on his chin. "Stop talking."

And Steve does, just leans back on his hand and hogs the joint for a while as he watches Billy.

Billy watches him back. Watches the way his plump lips wrap around the end of the joint, the way his bottom lip goes white when he bites it. Watches the way his eyes go all glassy and half lidded. Watches pale dotted skin of his neck as he tilts his head back to read the graffiti above.

There must be something written up there that gives Steve an idea, because next he's looking back at Billy with a smirk.

"I saw you watching us, a few weeks ago," Steve says almost casually after passing the joint back. "When he and I were walking into the woods by the practice field. You were still there when we came back."

And Billy gets it then. Steve is playing one of his little games with him. He's getting closer, but Billy hasn't moved an inch.

"We were out there for a while weren't we? Bet it was killing you, not knowing what we were up to."

To be truthful, it was. Steve and Eddie were in those woods for thirty two minutes. It's not like what he and Steve have going on is concrete or anything. And a lot can happen in thirty two minutes.

"I'm sure you can guess, though. Right, Bill?" The way Steve is looking at him is almost like he's challenging Billy. Daring him to play along.

Billy's eyes narrow. He likes a challenge. He'll play along.

"I'm not jealous of Eddie." He takes a puff, blows smoke out into Steve's face once again. "Wanna know why, Stevie?"

Steve's eyes are so damn big and pretty— even as bloodshot as they are— as he looks into Billy's own. "Why's that?"

"Because he can't give it to you like I can." Billy reaches out and grabs Steve's jaw, tilting his head up further. "He can't turn you all soft like I can, can he Stevie?"

Steve's tongue peeks out to wet his lips. "Maybe he can."

So that's how Steve wants to play.

"Yeah? He know how to touch you?"

Steve nods. Billy's own tongue swipes out against his lips, in that teasing way that he always does. His hand moves from Steve's jaw to the back of his head, where he tangles his fingers through Steve's hair and pulls until the strands are taught. "Does he know how hard to tug on your hair?"

"Yeah," Steve says breathily, "He does it harder."

"Oh yeah?" Billy lets go, then moves his hand to Steve's throat, puts his palm right against Steve's Adam's apple and squeezes, just enough to tease "What about this? He know about this little secret of yours? How much you love it?"

Billy feels Steve's throat bob underneath his palm. "Oh... I bet he doesn't. No, only I do, right, baby? Only me."

Steve shudders, and Billy decides to take things a little further. He puts the joint in the corner of his mouth in order to free both hands. Then he grabs Steve by his hips and hefts him up into his lap, the other boy giving a gasp of surprise as he does so. Billy knows Steve loves it when he does this. Told him one time that it makes him feel small or some shit.

"What about that, huh? Can that twig pick you up and move you around like you weigh nothing?"

Steve finally gives, shakes his head. "No. No, definitely not."

"No? What about this, huh?" Billy takes Steve's hand and guides it down to the crotch of his pants. "Eddie got something like that?"

"And this?" Billy puts a hand on the small of Steve's back. "He know about this spot right here? How your back arches like a cat when you're touched there?" Almost on cue, Steve arches his back, just like he said. "Hm?"

Steve shakes his head in answer.

"Oh my god," Steve practically moans. With his other hand, he takes the joint out of Billy's mouth and takes a hit before he tosses it aside. "Please stop talking about Eddie now."

And just like that, they're on each other, lips crashing and moving together, hands all over the place, hips moving up and down and forward and back.

Billy is first to pull back to catch a breath. He doesn't stop, though, just holds Steve by the hips and rocks up with his own. And since he's still feeling a little mean, he says, "Does Eddie know how to make you come, just like this? Make you cream your pants?"

"Billy," Steve whines, drawing out the end of his name. He throws his arms around Billy's neck, grinds down hard like he's trying to push Billy through the ground.

Billy holds him still. He won't get away easy.

"Dude, come on," Steve complains, squirming in Billy's hands.

"Answer me, baby."

"Bill, please."

Billy's hold tightens. "Does he?"

"No, no he doesn't!" Steve cries. "He doesn't touch me like you do, he doesn't kiss me like you do! Damn it, he doesn't fuck me like you do, Billy! No one does, it's only you! Only you, baby..."

Billy hums in satisfaction. "Good boy." He lets go of Steve briefly before grabbing him by the ass and pulling him forward until the only thing separating their hard cocks are two layers of denim.

The sounds of their gasps and grunts echo against the boulders as Billy sits back and let's Steve do all the work. It doesn't seem like Steve minds much, too high and too lost in pleasure to care. Steve looks so damn gorgeous like this, eyes closed and head tossed back like a pose in one of those renaissance paintings. In this moment, Billy prays that Steve isn't really being stolen right from under his nose. Because to never be able to see Steve like this again... it just might kill him.

"God, Billy!" Steve comes crying Billy's name to the graffiti covered face of the rock above. It's so hot, so fucking sexy, that Billy follows shortly after, his breath stopping, stars bursting behind his eyelids when he buries his face in Steve's chest. It feels like it lasts forever.

"Fuck," Steve breathes. "That's so much better when you're high, holy shit."

"You're telling me." After just breathing him in for a moment, Billy slumps back against the rock.

They stay like this for a while, just holding onto each other while they recover. But a few minutes later, Billy feels Steve starting to fidget. When he opens his eyes and looks up at him, Steve is playing with his hands, clearly wanting to say something.

"What's wrong, Stevie?"

"He just gives me a good deal, that's all."

Billy furrows his brow in confusion.

"Eddie," Steve clarifies. "He gives me a good deal on weed because I'm Dustin's friend." He looks into Billy's eyes. "But that's it. We didn't... y'know. We were only out there for so long because he wanted to help me find my 'perfect strain' or some shit. I dunno. Weed's weed, man. But yeah, I just didn't want you to think..."

Steve stops there, and Billy can't help but chuckle at his flustered state. "S'okay, pretty boy."

Billy won't admit that he's relieved to hear that. Won't admit that he ever actually was jealous in the first place.

Steve seems to know, anyways.

Relaxed and still completely stoned, Billy feels his eyes begin to slip closed. But once again, he's pulled out of his state of half-sleep, this time by Steve's laughter.

"What now?"

"Nothing," Steve giggles uncontrollably. "I just realized something."

"What's that?"

"We're gonna have to walk all the way back to the car with cum in our pants."

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ELLIOT PAGE 2022 | Ruven Afanador ph. for Esquire

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Inject this into my veins

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CARLA GUGINO 2017 | ph. for Schön! Magazine