lillyjen

[lillyjen]

I find a strange moment to ponder my place in the universe as the audiobook I’m listening to about Ancient Rome discusses how wealthy Romans had literate slaves that would read books out loud to them.

It’s a strange way of summing up how nothing in the world has changed and also how absolutely everything has changed.

I likely share in common with some ancient Roman elites that I enjoy both listening to books while I’m doing something else and reading them quietly myself with no distractions. Since I enjoy ancient literature I may sometimes listen to the exact same books that they did, even if it’s translated into a language that didn’t exist yet when they heard or read them. On occasion we both may enjoy eating bread dipped in olive oil as we listen or read.

The circumstances of our listening though are extraordinarily different. I live in a world where slavery is illegal even if in practice it may tragically still exist in some circumstances. I am poor enough to get assistance from the government in paying for my food yet I have access to some of the same luxuries that they had, though not all of the same luxuries.

The way I listen to a book is through a recording of a professional that’s mass distributed. I need help getting food but I still likely have access to a wider variety of ingredients than they could’ve imagined. I live in a world where literacy is expected. They did not. I do my own dishes and my own cooking. They most likely did not.

How wide or narrow is the gap between me in the year 2025 listening to the Aeneid and a Roman senator listening to it in the first century? In some ways we are a lot alike with very similar tastes. In other ways we are completely and utterly alien to each other.

[lillyjen]

If I ever wrote a superhero story I’d want there to be a recurring shitty C-list supervillain in the background whose power was changing something’s colour and all her villainous plots would be colour-themed things like “If the city council doesn’t give me a million dollars, I will turn the city of GREEN Bay into the city of RED Bay!” and she’d turn the Golden Gate Bridge magenta or whatever.

So it’s all low-stakes villainy, but everyone absolutely hates fighting her because her very shitty superpower works really really well, and there are dozens of background characters who’ve fought her that are just permanently green now

[lillyjen]

The International Court of Justice (aka the World Court) has ruled that States have a responsibility to curb emissions to protect the environment from greenhouse gases--as well as stating that States that do not fulfill these obligations could incur legal responsibility, including reparations.

This was in response to an initiative from Pacific Island Students Fighting Climate Change, which inspired Vanuatu (a state in the Pacific Islands) to seek an advisory opinion from the court.

While this is a nonbinding act, ICJ advisory opinions are considered legal and moral guidance on future issues of international law and open the door for countries disproportionately impacted by climate change to potentially seek reparations from countries that have not appropriately curbed emissions in the future.

[lillyjen]

Minnesota's Largest Indian Reservation Celebrates First Home-Born Bison Calf https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/minnesotas-largest-indian-reservation-celebrates-first-home-born-bison-calf/

The White Earth Nation was surprised and overjoyed as a bison calf was born out of season, a sign the band said demonstrates “resilience, healing, and hope.”

It’s the first bison calf born on the White Earth Reservation since it started a buffalo harvest and breeding program two years ago through the Inter-Tribal Buffalo Council.

Bison typically give birth in the spring, and the tribe’s bison foreman, Jack Heisler, said it’s an example of how wildlife “doesn’t follow a script.”

“This bison calf being born, it didn’t follow a script either, because the mama is so young,” Heisler told MPR News.

The White Earth Band is the largest of the six band which make up the Minnesota Chippewa, and their reservation is the largest in the state by land area. Its bison herd numbers 10, a number the nation hopes to grow to 44 by next year.

“This historic birth marks a new chapter in our ongoing efforts to restore the bison to Anishinaabe lands, reconnecting with a sacred relative that once roamed freely across our homelands,” the tribe posted on Facebook. “The calf’s arrival is more than just a moment of joy. It’s a sign of resilience, healing, and hope for future generations.”

[lillyjen]

I would love to see a fantasy novel where the lore that the reader / protagonist learns at first is not true

[lillyjen]

maaaaan if you put the youth of today into some kind of old style situation they would struggle but adapt over time much like those of the past.

[lillyjen]

Something everyone should know either as an authority or as a person labouring under an authority, being anywhere from a babysitter to a parent to a government entity, is that establishing a rule of any kind is incredibly labour-intensive and difficult to enforce.

So if you're going to make something into a rule, it HAS to be something you can both Verify and Enforce- if you can Verify but not Enforce, it's essentially just a suggestion. If it's something you can Enforce but not Verify, you're going to waste a lot of energy and time becoming an authoritarian dictator that nobody likes.

And because the process of Verification and Enforcement BOTH take a LOT of work, it makes no sense to waste all that work on establishing a Rule which has no Function.

For this reason, every Rule you set must perform a Function which gives you a return that is, if not greater, then at least EQUAL to the energy it takes to maintain, in one way or another. Otherwise, the whole system collapses.

Any authority that exists has limited time and limited resources, so it must prioritize rules that minimize the MOST HARM, that are EASIEST TO VERIFY, and are MOST ENFORCEABLE.

So, before you CREATE a rule, you must ask yourself:

What does this rule accomplish?

Is the reward of this rule greater than the expense of establishing it?

Can I verify when this rule has been violated?

Can I feasibly discipline one to violates this rule?

And, what I would argue is almost MOST important after all that,

5. How do I explain this rule in a way that people will want to follow it?

As a parent, for example, "do not set a campfire in the living room" is a good rule, because it is easily explained as a risk to personal safety and property, it's a rare enough situation to come up, it's easy to tell when it's happened, and a consequence like "you will not be left unsupervised for an extended period of time" or "you will write a report on house fires" could be implemented as discipline.

But as a parent, "no eating outside of meal times" is not a great rule in most circumstances. For one, food is easy to access, the harm that can come from snacking between meals is almost zero, it's almost impossible to prove, and there is no feasible way to stop someone from doing it OR make them WANT to follow it without lowering yourself to abuse.

So, if there is a behaviour an authority wants you to follow, it must first ask itself Why. Then decide if that is reasonable. Then decide if it should be a Rule or a Suggestion.

If the desired rule is not verifiable, or enforceable, then the authority must make peace with the fact that it will be taken as a suggestion. It has no other choice but to become an enemy, and slowly lose all respect and credibility.

You cannot make "no snacking" into a rule. But you CAN say, "this is how you keep a balanced diet, this is how you stay healthy, please don't take more than you'll eat at dinner, save leftovers for later".

You CAN make "no fire pits indoors" into a rule, and you can remain vigilant that it doesn't happen and give it your full focus when it does.

This is where laws based on social or religious judgement fail.

You cannot Verify or Enforce against drugs, crossdressing, homosexuality, sodomy, satanism, tattoos, prostitution, oral sex, or abortion. Not in any way that matters. Not in any way that Protects more than it Harms. It's difficult to prove, difficult to enforce, and it happens too much and too consensually to universally oppose. You can only expend energy and cultivate a population that distrusts you in trying.

You CAN Verify and Enforce against violence, abuse, theft, fraud, embezzlement, discrimination, and murder. Because it DOES Protect more than it Harms, and you can justify the expenses. Because these are things that happen nonconsentually, and can be prioritized, because there are Victims who experience Harm. Enforcing these rules can cultivate safety and trust instead of suspicion, cooperation instead of opposition within a populace.

Which is why laws against anything that does not cause harm, in my opinion, is doomed.

Because I've been raised and raised kids and seen kids raised in both ways, and I know that "because I said so" does nothing.

If you cannot Verify or Enforce, then the best you can do is Educate, provide safe options, and build a system to heal and recover for any potential fallout.

But that’s just my opinion.

[lillyjen]

So I was at SDCC this year, and I passed a stall in the ladies' and heard someone sobbing inside. Just bawling, fully melting down. My-dog-just-died levels of crying. And I've spent a lot of time in therapy trying to learn better boundaries around helping people, but I'm not made of stone, so I stopped outside the stall door and asked, "Are you okay?"

The woman's breath caught, and she said, "Yeah, I'm fine," in the least fine voice I have ever heard.

So I walked away. Made it all the way to the sinks. Washed my hands. And turned around and went back because nope, not fine, not okay.

"Look, I don't want to be a dick, and you don't have to tell me what's going on, but is there anything that would help? I've got water, ibuprofen, and safety pins, and I could find other stuff."

"No, no, it's fine. I have those too."

"...okay."

I made it to the sinks again. She went back to sobbing like her heart was being torn out one strand of muscle at a time.

An older woman sidled up to me. "Did she tell you anything?"

"Nope. I offered her water and ibuprofen, too."

"Oh! I've got snacks. Maybe that'll help."

"Worth a shot. Oh, hey, I think I have some of my business cards for my Etsy shop in here—I could write my number on one if she needs help later."

"I've got a pen!"

We hurried back to the stall, offered the snacks, and were rebuffed. Finally we slid the card and the pen under the stall door, explained that we were both mom friends/teachers/etc. and trying to help-not-creep, and reluctantly fucked off. I personally felt like shit about it, but I had places to be and I felt like I was close to overstepping the crying woman's boundaries if I hadn't already done so. And if I'd made her feel unsafe, well, she could toss the card.

The following morning, I got a text from an unknown number.

She identified herself as "Rose from the bathroom" and explained that she'd had a hell of a day, with multiple people being cruel to her, seemingly for no good reason. She'd hit her breaking point and fled to the bathroom to cry it out ... at which point two strangers had rocked up, checked on her multiple times, and generally done the dance of most social mammals when a member of their group is in unexplained distress. The two of us had, more or less accidentally, restored her faith in humanity by being worried apes at her. 18 hours later, she was having a much better time, and a lot of it was due to the two of us shoving things under her door.

Anyway, turns out we live about 20 minutes apart, and we're going to meet up for tea after we've recovered from con exhaustion.

So if you ever feel like humans in general and/or fandom humans in particular are irredeemable shits, remember that sometimes the same species who'll ruin your con day will try to slide trail mix and ibuprofen under your stall door in case it helps.

I still don't know what Rose looks like, btw (although apparently she knows what I look like—I mentioned I was in cosplay and she said she'd seen me around). I don't know whether she's cis or trans. So next time you hear someone bitching about trans women in the ladies', feel free to tell them that it never once crossed anybody's mind to ask. If you're crying in the bathroom, you're my sister.

Maybe take the trail mix, though. We apes worry about one another.

[lillyjen]

Even though it's a somewhat old-fashioned concept (& most instances I can think of did/do refer to property management), the term "stewardship" springs to mind: being given resposibility over that which belongs to someone else, with the expectation you either maintain it in its current/ideal form, or cause it to grow & improve over time.

Just putting some thoughts down without reblogging from any specific post of the thread that inspired it...

When I became a mother, I knew that I didn't agree with the idea that parents own their children and have complete rights over them as such. But at the same time, I didn't think my son owned himself, because he was not mentally or emotionally competent to be autonomous and wouldn't be for some time.

What I decided, and continue to believe is that children are "owned" by their future adult selves and that as a parent I was in a position of stewardship over my son, on behalf of that future adult. (The term trustee would also work to some extent.) I had the power to make decisions for him, and even overruled his wishes on many (emotionally exhausting) occasions, but that power came from a place of responsibility, not privilege. And those decisions had to be made based on his interests as a future independent adult.

[lillyjen]

If you've ever thought to yourself "I basically know who this person is" about a stranger from reading their posts or watching their youtube videos, I guarantee you're wrong. Yes, even if you've been following them for a long time. Knock it off.

[lillyjen]

omg if baby oil dissolves condoms what the fuck does it do to babies???

This may be shocking, but babies and condoms are made of different material

[lillyjen]

People are so much more sad, and desparate, and lonely than you think. I have had three incidents in the last four months were a technician I was working with was being either dangerously unfocused (we work with high voltage), or just flat out angry with their coworkers, and every time when I just pulled them aside to say hey, this isn't you, you're nice, and you're competent, so something must be up - what can I do to help - they have responded by bursting into tears. One guy was struggling to get his wife moved into a care home, one guy just got served divorce papers, and the other hadn't slept a wink the night before because his daughter had the pukes.

I haven't spent my whole life responding to people being rude, or stupid, or dangerous with knee jerk compassion. It's a new habit. The first time I did that as the lead for my lab, it was because the guy genuinely was so good natured that I knew something had to be off. But the other two times were just me going, alright, lets see if it always goes this well, and so far, it has. I'm almost 30, and I just figured out that the #1 reason people are shitty are because they are going through shit.

I don't think you have, like, a moral obligation to respond to people being jerks with knee jerk compassion. But it has made my life so much easier the last four months that I would recommend trying. For your own sake. Please.

(I'll step off my soapbox now. Enjoy your Sunday.)

[lillyjen]

the world gets a lot easier when you learn to be wrong without getting pissed or doubling down. saying, ‘you’re right, that makes sense, I was misinformed, thanks for telling me’ instead of going to war over something your ego’s latched onto will save you time, energy, and the embarrassment of sounding like a whiny little bitch

[lillyjen]

I like to call Alexander the Great Big Alex sometimes because in a lot of languages including Greek he’s basically called Alexander the big or Alexander the huge because that’s how they express greatness in that language.

Also calling him Big Alex kind of strips away some of the mystique around him. I don’t fully respect anybody that tries to be worshipped as a god while they’re alive. And yes that includes every pharaoh of Egypt and most Roman emperors.

[lillyjen]

The older you get the more you will realize that your friends are people who have made mistakes and bad decisions and even just fucked up and hurt people.

And obviously your boundaries with your friends are completely up to you but you do need to recognize that if you cut off everyone who has done something wrong, you’re going to end up with no friends (and you yourself will have also fucked up in your life, and not lived up to those impossible standards either).

I’ve found it’s much more constructive to learn how to say “hey dude, that was massively fucked up of you,” because most people are really willing to say “yeah, it was, I need to work on it/not do it again/apologize and make things right” ESPECIALLY if they are hearing it from you as their friend.

[lillyjen]

So, yall might have seen this story-

Which....has prompted big emotions from folks.

But as I was reading it, something bothered me a little. The headlines all say "pets" but the actual animals listed were chickens, rabbits, guinea pigs, and horses.

So I had a thought, and tracked down the untranslated Facebook post.

The word that all the English news sources, AND the automatic Facebook translation, were translating as "pets" is "husdyr"

And I don't speak Danish, but I had a suspicion. Because while rabbit and guinea pigs are often kept as pets...chickens and horses are not, right? So. I check.

I don't think Danish really distinguishes between domestic animal, livestock, and pets linguistically. And I think all those news sources just went with the Facebook automatic translation without questioning it.

Livestock. The zoo is asking for livestock donations. Rabbits, chickens, and guinea pigs are often raised for meat. They aren't asking for puppies.