lisamasvida

[lisamasvida]

“Why Men Love Bitches” might quite possibly be the best self help book ever written. Its not just about getting the guy but also about just giving so much of a fuck about yourself and your life that you dont abandon yourself for any fucking reason.

When i think about women who are “Bitches” the power they hold in their femininity is literally all i want. I dont want to be an alpha female. I just want to live freely and happily.

One of the reasons ive always resented being a woman is this notion that i had to give up everything in order to be a “good woman”. Especially because Im black and we know how the community feels about black women literally having to give every ounce of themselves to their family and community in order to not be seen as selfish. I want to be selfish, i want to look out for self, i want to be my number one and this book is soooooo fucking validating. And as i become the woman of my dreams my God im turning myself on.

[lisamasvida]

I knew I healed when my type went from “nonchalant guy who treats you with indifference” to a “if you want me to ill tie a rope around it and being you the moon”

The “bring you the moon” type was always my type. I just let outside people and their treatment of me dictate what i should expect from a man. Which was pretty much nothing and I needed to jump through hoops to get the smallest spec of validation from.

The dumbest part about it was i would try to change them into what i really wanted. I literally thought if i help them, give them money, buy them clothes, feed them and the “bring you the moon” girlie that they would see they should return the love.

But the first step of becoming that bitch is realizing. Everyone is out for self. There is a game to be played and if you aren’t an active player, you are going to be played. In alot of cases especially mine I PLAYED MYSELF! but now that I know i can say with confidence a man cant even pique my interest if hes not first showing me he is kind, generous, and full of love for me and seeing me happy. Ima make sure the love is returned but he gonna have to pour into my cup before I pour into his.

[lisamasvida]

The entire cabinet is full of unqualified, unintelligent, unjust, and fucking ugly spirited lazy mf. These two especially are where they are because of their last names.

You mean to tell me a billionaire had to bankroll a “billionaire’s” campaign, you mean to tell me this country is being destroyed because people saw a “rich” white man and said Hes the answer to our prayers and can stop DEI. When he himself is the epitome of why they hated DEI in the first place. He took meetings with world leaders, he put people like R.F.K in power, as much as Elon is mad now. He surely got nice government contracts in return for his service.

This is where we are as a country bc racists couldn’t comprehend the rest of us enjoying a country and its benefits THAT WE PAY TAXES IN. As long as we pay taxes, as long as we participate in capitalism, as long as we are putting people in power. THIS COUNTRY SHOULD WORK FOR ALL OF US!

We keep the lights on around this mf…

RFK Jr. ‘cannot remain in office’ after MAHA report cited fake studies: ...

These people are pieces of shit and everything they do is destructive and false. No one should hold any position that they are not qualified for and this stupid ass administration is the poster children for ignorance and stupidity.

Who is surprised about fake information regarding children's health research being provided by a looney tune and a liar?

[lisamasvida]

Super random but yall ever listen to a love song and instead of your mental music video being about a man, you imagine your healed self going back in time and hugging your broken self throughout the worst times in your life. That shit made me cry. I was listening to ‘By your side by Sade’ my God it felt so good.

Atp in life I dont need a man, I need my best self

[lisamasvida]

Okay I’ve seen enough posts and I’m ready to take the leap. Fuck doing it scared, I’m doing it terrified lol. Im going to do everything scared, petrified, terrified, and in horrified cringe because I already know the alternative wont make me happy. Thats all I want for me…Happyness

I spent along time listening to people live life, watching people live life and always wishing i could do the same. I always gave excuses as to why i couldnt and those excuses are out the window. There are no rules to life and on the other side of courage is peace of mind. Knowing that i tried whether I win or lose is better than the “shoulda, couldas”.

Wish me luck guys

[lisamasvida]

Clean Drinking Water Is A Limited Resource The Rich Are Hogging!!!!

Before we talk about clean drinking water lets talk about “The Lorax” whenever I watch this movie with freinds or family everyone talks about the Once-ler, we all know that he represents greed and unsustainibilty. I want to focus on Mr. Aloysius O’Hare (Going forward I shall call him Mr. O)

The Once-ler was bad no doubt but he wasnt evil, he was greedy but he wasnt insatiable. The Once-ler to me represents the everyday American that believes Capitalism will save them. He lived the American dream and life handed him his butt. The worst thing the Once-ler did was open the door for Mr. O.

Mr. O saw an issue that people didnt have access to clean air or trees. He saw a gap in the market and filled it. He got a taste of money and power and was out to destroy anyone who stood in his way. Even if it meant murder because he couldnt have people bringing in trees that would cut into his bottom line. He was a hero he brought clean air. He was beloved even if he could care less about the people he was profiting from. The only thing meaner than him was his BOB (capital because she deserves the respect). He literally trapped people in town and trapped them into capitalism. He remade their reality

Then you have the indifferent and therefore complicit everyday citizens. They let following the Thneed trend end in their subjugation. They were happy to they didnt have a thought in their pretty little heads. They just accepted their situation. There was some time lapse in the movie right. So one generation allowed the Trees to be cut for a temporary trend and the next generations suffered from it. To the point where the kids didnt even know what a tree was. 3 generations of indifference, 3 generations of no questions, 3 generations of allowing 2 people to decide what was best for all. If Ted never came into the picture how long do you think Mr. O would have ruled and charged for clean air. 1 singular person monopolized clean air for atleast 2 generations and would have done so until he died and the people would have allowed it. Which is why

“Unless a person like you cares a whole whole lot, its not going to get better its not”

Is such a eye opening call to action. The government backed by billionaires has told us already we dont have a right to education, food, shelter, clothing, safety, devt free medical care and now water.

Clean Drinking water straight from the earth took millions of years to filter in underground wells called aquifers.

So lets start with the water cycle the water is heated by the sun and water vapor rises to the air, clouds are formed, precipitation falls all over the earth. While some water goes back into bodies of water. The water that falls to the ground is filtered through dirt and sediment till it gets to the underground aquafirs.

We used to use wells to pump it our of the earth and mostly use it for our daily needs. BUT NOWWW…. We got ChatGPT and other AI Hardware that needs to be cooled using our drinking water, corprate bottled water companies, corprate farms think the cuties company. These people OWN water sources. These people are BUYING PUBLIC WATER SUPPLIES! To the point people who live around these locations CANNOT get access to clean drinking water.

They are pumping BILLIONS of gallons from the earth. The aquifers built up over millions of years and are being drained even faster.

The average american uses 300gal of water a day.

Chat GPT uses 39.16 million gallons of water A DAY

Water companies pump 84 BILLION GALLONS A DAY

I couldnt find exact numbers on corprate farming but i could find an article on water rights and their destruction of family farms.

https://foodprint.org/blog/consolidation-farms-water/

All this brings me to one point. They are taking water for profit we could livd on for years, Billionaires will be okay regardless because heres what they will do. Create a crisis we could actually have not had then swoop in and save us from it.

People have to alternate days to use their own water they pay for, articles are coming out all the time on how we could shower less, or not let our water run to save water, people in Flint dont have access to clean drinking water bc their officials stole that from them in favor of personal gain, threatened to take children from the home if they didnt pay for water they cannot use, then said off color funky ass water was safe to drink.

Our Billionaire raised President (because idk what tf is actually in his account the way rumors surround him) is loosening FDA restrictions everyday. They tell us the issue was fluoride in the water. But i can bet your bottom dollar when the situation gets bad enough we will be boiling shit water.

I want to bring you into my guess for the future. Tap water will need to be boiled and purified using chemicals from some company, we wont be able to catch our own water because it cuts into the bottom line of bottled water companies that are charging 20$ a case, then 25, then 35, then 50. And if we cant afford it we will die. If we dont pay for the dirty tap then our children will be stolen. And we will go along with it, our children will go along with it, their children will go along with it.

The billionaires will still be ok. They will still be billionaires, their children will be billionaires and their lives will be as its always been.

Capitalism will end us all…

[lisamasvida]

And in the future it will probably be used as a cited source for Chat GPT to spread false info to dumbasses who cant read nor write…this is why whose in office matters. They choose their cabinet, they place people in power whether their qualified or not, they spend 4-8 years shaping our country. their work lasts life times

[lisamasvida]

I feel like the last couple weeks really showed Black Women how Black men feel about us for the 100,000th time.

Like Halle, Meg, (some say) Cassie, and Angel Reese back to back. And the narrative is still “Black Women trying to tear Black Men down”

I actually wonder if Black Celeb women and well off Black women will start moving differently because honestly to me while everyday black women are shifting two groups arent. One group is the girls who wrap their identity in “The Culture” and the other are black celeb women who have been notorious pick mes. like Keke Palmer someone we grew up watching. Someone the black community had on a pedestal right. When it was the Trey Songz and the sexual intimidation not alot of people had her back. Then even with her baby daddy no one knew. Black men didnt even have her back against him. Yet she was going to turn around and work with Jonathan Majors.

Teyana Taylor who is alleged to have been the reason Usher got beat up by Chris Brown. Her ex husband let her know he hates her, continues to sabotage her, and wants her in jail but she still thinks of him as family.

Also im curious to see what Meg and Halle do next as far as romantic partners. Ik Meg is dating some guy but i dont know if hes going to stick with her after all the blogs and im sure emotional ish she deals with.

Like my honest to God feelings are this. Are young celeb black women going to start taking the Serena, Eve, Angela Basset, Sheryl Lee Ralph route. Which isnt dating white men (they crazy to Justin Bieber is on my shitlist) but dating men that aren’t embarrassing and steeped in “the culture” or are they going to keep dating guys that need man stroking and obviously hate them? WILL THEY STOP MAN STROKING AND DICKRIDING THE ENEMY?

Also God please cover Simone Biles I do not feel like another round of “WE TOLD YOU SO”

[lisamasvida]

Until my dying day ill stand by the fact that:

Tory did it

R. Kelly did it

Diddy did it

Cosby did it

OJ definitley did it

And a bunch of other people yall defend did it.

Yall know they did it, yall dont care they did it because yall dont think their victims are worth them being in jail. Yall have a fit whenever these people are held responsible. Whether its jail time or settlement time. Alot of these men could admit to their crimes and misdeeds and say sorry and you would be like “he said sorry get over it” infact its crazy how they are being viewed as victims.

Its just such a coincidence that Meg drops a song and it doesn’t do well, she gets online and receives some critiscm. Next thing you know this man gets stabbed and immediately the conversation is back on him and villanizing her. People are eating this up and shes going through it. One of the best things ive done for myself is that i let that culture go. The victims are villainized and the abusers go down as legends. Theres constant theme of whose on either side of that coin

[lisamasvida]

My momma told me once that people are dumber than you realize and lack common sense. I believe that ish whole heartedly because it really feels like the only ppl supporting Tory are illiterate and lack common sense.

Supposedly the security driver is found and said something along the lines that supports the dumb idea that Kelsey shot Meg. MEGAN DOESNT FUCK WITH KELSEY! Meg has 0 reason to lie about who shot her. Because she dropped Kelsey like a bad habit. Thats 1!

2.) Why is Meg being harassed when the security gaurd went MIA during the trial and Kelsey got on the stand and allowed people to say she shot Meg. In all honesty if Tory was innocent its those two that put him in jail. I understand sometimes lawyers say dont get on the stand if you are on trial. But the only other two people there that night are seemingly on Tory side yet Meg is being harassed.

3.) we knew when the trial came out that Meg lied about having sex with Tory. She said it on the stand yet people waited till her documentary came-out to act like it was new news and a aha moment that she lied.

4.) to their credit some dumbies retracted their vote on innocence on Tory when the call came out and said. “He guilty” 50cent notably apologizing to Meg. But i ask everyone WHO TF YOU KNOW GOING TO ADMIT TO SHOOTING SOMEONE WHEN THEY DONT WANT TO GO TO JAIL! hes a singer/rapper/whatever the fuck. Why the fuck would he risk his career by admitting he shot her. In real life people be snot nose crying and hyperventilating saying they didnt do some shit they obviously did.

Mfs know Tory shot Meg they just dont value her over him. One reason i hate hip hop and “the culture” is because the under current of it all is that women’s suffering is an everyday occurence no one gives af about and the fans of these men as well as their colleagues would rather not be bothered with notion of our suffering. Even other women steeped in this culture dont believe in other women being victims. Its all age groups and all facets of this culture. The only time victims are acknowledged is if they are men or they are women deemed pure enough. Fuck them fuck their culture and a small part of me is warmed everytime i see their culture swallow them whole.

Truly believe these people won't be happy until she unalives herself

[lisamasvida]

Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

[lisamasvida]

Dwindling Celeb Worship

A Blog on Celeb worship and my relationship with myself.

I find myself worshipping celebs less and less. Which is shocking to me someone who’s done it my whole life.

I grew up in the early 2000s, always had my own tv, always saw star magazine, teen vogue, and people in the checkout lanes. TMZ, Perez Hilton, E! news were extremely popular. Collar bones, Ribs, panty shots were plastered everywhere. Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan, Paris and Nicole were everywhere and honestly nothing else mattered.

White culture was everywhere and honestly as a black girl who’s mom was infatuated with these things. I was infatuated to. Growing up my whole want in life since I was 6 years old was to be rich, famous, and thin. So imagine my surprise when year after year I became non of that.

It was always a specific type of celeb that I worshipped. Beautiful, feminine, graceful and airy. Vs me who was country, overweight, and heavy with abuse, secrets and depression. As you can imagine my worship was born of escapism.

As much as the white girls were everywhere and i could understand their beauty. It was Tyra Banks who I worshipped. Seeing her in Life-Size made me realize exactly who i wanted to be. Eve. I watched that movie so much i broke it. But it was something about Eve that made me happy. She was feminine, desirable, fashionable, soft, her femininity and positivity was her super power. I took her personality and kept it in a secret part of my heart. Because in real life no one was going to allow me to be like eve…atleast not yet.

Fast forward through the 2000s I find more celebs to admire and obsess over mean while going into my teenage years im collecting more weight, more heaviness, more secrets, more depression. Im using music, TV, and into the 2010s social media all to get my fix of escapism.

Social media was the worse thing to hit my life since i was 5 and had to move to Georgia where my happy childhood effectivley ended!!

*clears throat* social media opened up this entirely new window of comparison that sent me down a rabbit whole daily. Every beautiful girl, all their followers, all their ease of problems, their luxurious lives. In my mind they’re living like the celebs that i worshipped and lived the life i thought i should be living. This life i thought was reserved for celebs wasn’t. It just wasn’t what i had. And in my teenage brain all this translated to “Im not worthy of this”

“Im not worthy”

“Im not worthy”

“Im not worthy”

“Im not worthy”

Is all that kept replaying with every scroll, like, and comment. I developed a fear of being seen. I wasnt worthy of the life and i wasnt worthy of being seen. So facless accounts ofc, page private, no followers, no permission to link my contacts, no no no no lol

But i was still obsessing over women. Their bodies, their life, their beauty and their ease of existing where i had none.

Outside of social media the only other peace i had was food. So imagine this im literally destroying myself in real life, making terrible choices, staying up all night, not doing anything to become what i want. All im doing is eating and doom scrolling. Its a wonder i only made it to 200lbs by 18. Because outside of those two things im dealing with verbal abuse, sexual abuse, lonliness, ptsd from physical abuse and suicidal ideation

Fast forward to adulthood and post graduation. Ive failed out college. But i have a car, a job, and low bills. Which means alot of disposable income. Now i have freedom and im starting to date. And honeslty as much as when i was growing up the goal was to have sex after marriage. I realize guys dont believe in that ish and they dont even want relationships. They just see a thick hourglass figure, and a friendly face.

This was when i started taking Eve’s personality out of the safe. I realized that im not ugly i just grew up in the early 2000s where it was the norm to see bones. My fat was positioned in the fun places. And if i was friendly, flirty, played a lil innocent. I could get the attention irl that id never get online. First i got “boyfriends” older guys love attention from young women. Id convince myself to like them. But i didnt they were just good enough to give me what i wanted. Sex… So then sex also became an outlet because well i was good at it. And bc of the abuse i became hypersexual. Amber Rose, Megan thee stallion, Cardi B, and countless others i worshipped bc they validated my choices. Then after a relationship that never should have been i just got on the apps

Tbh can we be real looking back men dont deserve pussy cause they dont know wtf to do with it or how to treat it MY GOD! I was great they were trash.

But as always what goes up must come down. I met a guy on the apps that honestly never should have continued with. But he knew how to speak to my inner child the one that just wanted validation. Around this time couple channels and power couples had been a thing. And i really really wanted that. Id been watching them for atleast a year or two and they were one of the reasons i broke up with the guy i never should have dated. BUt this new guy, girl he was wrapped in caution tape.

Longstory short he had paranoid schizophrenia, was a wanna be thug, drug user, sex addict, and leech. And when i decide let me move out on my own. I started messing with him and ended up going through the toxicity.

I need everyone to know before we go further. I take full accountability for not turning the mother fucking car around night one. Hell honestly every choice i made after the age of 18 i take full accountability for bc bitch what was i thinking. I WASNT! I was operating out of dopamine cravings. And when i did have sex as blah as it was. I got dopamine.

But quiet as its kept. I wish i had sex more so with women. But my denials is another story for another day.

But yeah that man was crazy and my fat went from the fun places to all the places. And my celeb worship just went into overdrive because he put me back into the same space i was when i was growing up with my abusers. Food and social media.

But fast forward to last year. I looked at everyone around me and i kept seeing these videos where people would talk about women’s bodies and ive been battling my body my whole life. If you read my other blog entry youd know about the weight loss and regain.

Last year when Megan thee stallion popped out with her body after weightloss, then i look at all these other girls who lost weight and look bomb. I looked at myself and said. I dont want to admire womens bodies and lives anymore. I want that shit myself…

I seen what that girl said about Cardis bbl and all i could think is. Who are we to talk about womens bodies, surgery or no surgery when we know how hard it is to be women. Especially us black women who go through so much and turn to food as a way to escape. We talk so much about bodies and dont improve our own. And honestly i never been one to talk about bodies bc of one expirience.

Long story short i was bullied at home for being fat right? And my family would always say things then say it was just jokes. I had a tough outer shell so i let that ish roll off. But one time i said something to someone else as a joke that had always been said to me at home. The girl cried and never spoke to me again.

So i dont talk about bodies. Especially cause of my own. And i dont even want to spend my life hating my body when i can honestly fix it. Idc when people get surgery, idc when people lose weight or dont.

My goal in life is to stop the celeb worship and honestly be so in love with myself idc about anyone else. I feel sexxxyyy when my body is sore from a work out. I feel accomplished when i show discipline. Life is good when you stop living through others and live life for yourself.

[lisamasvida]

Ive been healing like seriously healing. I dont even recognize who im becoming.

A year ago i was working a job i absolutely hated but held on to for 8 years. I was anti social and hesitant to engage with people. Anytime i showed up to a store Id sit in my car for 30 minutes to play on my phone and distract myself from the anxiety I felt of being seen in public. I was ashamed of my self. Whether i went in or not the trip would surely be followed up by going to a drive thru fast food place and ordering whatever i wanted and putting on a show on my phone and minding my buisness for an hour or two while i indulged in the peace that is food and tv. I had no friends besides my best friend who lives states away because thats where i moved from. Thats where i was comfortable and that move took me from the healing i was doing there and saw me regain 30lbs and bring my anxiety back with a vengeance. I had no social skills let alone social life and i spent to much time on the internet watching videos about men that only added to my anxiety around people. I was having panic attacks and my brother had recently died. Funny enough while visiting the gym in the middle of the night because thats when i wanted to work out. I walked in saw a group of men, immediate chill ran down my spine and i ran to my car, there i had a panic attack thinking about all the times i got hurt by men. I had to calm myself down then i broke out in tears and wrote the longest email to my therapist of 4 years finally admitting id been a victim of sexual assault. I wrote about how much it affected me that my father died but also was a piece of shit when he was alive. But that it was his job to be there for me and my brother and protect us from the bad people in the world. But he was one of them. That same night my brother was pronounced dead. He died in recovery from surgery to save him from a burst appendix. Hed been battling a stomach ache for days with pepto bismal probably because he couldn’t afford the debt of a hospital visit seeing as his job offered no benefits. His death stirred so much emotion in me. There still so much there to unpack…

But now here we are in April 2025. Since my heaviest weight ive lost 20lbs. I have a new job that ive worked for 7 months and have been promoted 3 times. while there are alot of men there who intimidated me at first and i was stand offish with. Now we are all friendly coworkers (except 1 he got to handsy). But i dont spend as much time on social media, im minding my buisness preparing myself mentally for the dark future of this country, coming to grips with the past, staying in my nieces life and loving her as much as my brother would and then some. And im understanding im no ones victim. Im not a defenseless kid anymore. I can fight back and i will always advocate for myself. I have yet to find a friend outside of work but im good with my coworkers and get all my socialization needs met at work. Lifes good. I hope it stays this way

[lisamasvida]

— Jenny Slate, Little Weirds

[lisamasvida]

[lisamasvida]

The Greatest Love That Will Never Be

When i think of the love of my life I wonder of all the men in the world who will it be. Will it be the man I made eye contact with in the grocery store? You know the tall dark and handsome type that has charming eyes. Will it be the coworker I make small jokes with every now and again, but I don't have the courage to ask for more...anymore. How about a guy I matched with online after 3 glasses of wine convinced me to download Tinder. Who is it? I fear I may die without knowing because its 2024 and the men scare me.

I love love. I love the idea that there's one person i get to partner with for the rest of my life that we despite our differences love each other. I love the idea of creating children out love and watching them grow to find their own families. I love the notion that there's one person who can be a vault for the most vulnerable parts of me. I fear I may die without knowing what that feels like because its 2024 and the men scare me.

I'm not asking for much I'm truly not. I don't want the guy with a million-dollar investment portfolio. I don't want the guy with best cars, biggest house, and world's greatest physique. Growing up my favorite princess was Belle and I now I truly understand why she hated the idea of Gaston. I want the guy that helps the old lady across the street when Shes walking to slow, I want the guy that can laugh at the stories my friends talk about who I was before I matured. I want the guy that would dance with me to no music on a beach in south Florida. I fear i may die without ever meeting him because its 2024 and the men scare me.

The final straw was when I thought I was doing everything right and turns out it was only what was right for other people. I dated the guy that didn't have much in fact the only thing he had was a trash bag full of clothes he lugged from one place to the next. I helped him with transportation, one day in the span of 2 hours I had taken him back and forth to work twice because he couldn't make up his mind on whether he wanted to go. I helped him with a place to lay his head, too bad on some days I was afraid to go in and lay my head on my pillows. I helped him when he needed it. For all my efforts all I got in return was anxiety, extra lbs, a baldhead, and a loss of a will to live. I may never give a man another chance because its 2024 and men scare me.

[lisamasvida]