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lost-inthe-v0id · 2 months ago

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The Other POV

Summary: After Padme breaks things off with Anakin, he falls for you. However, when Padme wants him back, he's quick to leave you

Warnings: angst, fluffy-ish ending(open ended) kinda toxic anakin, modern au

A/n: inspired by a song called The Other POV by Khloe Rose. After over a year, I've finally posted this!

You should've known.

You should've known you were never his first choice. It was always her. From the very beginning, he was just trying to get over her. He never wanted you. You were just there when he needed someone to talk to.

You don't blame him for still wanting her. She's beautiful, smart, kind, she's perfect. You blame yourself for thinking the two of you could ever be more. For thinking what you had was real. You hated that you allowed your walls to come down even when you knew deep down that his heart still longed for her.

You've seen this movie before. The girl breaks up with the guy, he thinks he's moved but he hasn't, she regrets it and he gets back with her.

This love story was always their's. You were just a side plot, a filler episode while the audience waits for their favorite couple's reunion. After being a hopeless romantic for so long, you hoped that you'd finally be the main character who gets the guy in the end and lives happily ever after. Instead, you were the villain people despised for getting in the way.

You had always been a dear friend of Anakin's. Granted you two weren't the closest but you still cared for the boy. After Padme had broken things off with him, he was distraught and depressed. He loved her for the longest time and now she's left him.

You found him sitting alone on a park bench, he appeared to be staring off into space. You heard whispers that she broke things off and left the city. Being the good friend you are, you sat and talked to the heartbroken boy. The two of you would meet up everyday at the park bench telling stories, cracking jokes, and just getting closer in general.

A few weeks had passed when Anakin finally asked you out. You were ecstatic! You ignored the red alarms going off in your head, screaming that this was a bad idea. This was your chance and you were gonna take it!

Little did you realize how big of a mistake that was. For six months everything was going smoothly. After he had told you he loved you, it didn't take long for you to say it back. You ignorantly believed that the feelings he had for Padme were gone and she was just a distant memory.

Until he saw her again.

Anakin saw her when he was walking down main street. Padme had seen him and chatted up a bit. Anakin was surprised that she was back in town after everything.

"Hey! How was your walk?" Your smile fades when you see the distraught look on Anakin's face. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah I just- um, I saw Padme." He mumbles out, avoiding eye contact with you.

"Oh? And how did that go? Are you okay?"

"Yeah! Yeah I'm fine. It's cool." He kissed your head before walking past you. He went on to pretend he was fine but it was obvious he wasn't.

That's when you noticed the shift in his demeanor. His mind was changing and you knew what was coming. Randomly, he'd start talking about the exchange they had which caused the red alarms to start beeping again. You would often catch him staring at old pictures of them together before he'd quickly lock his phone and try to distract you.

You knew you should've left when you had the chance. But part of you wanted to hold onto hope that he'd stay. That it'd be you two in the end. You were trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. But alas, every villain's story comes to an end eventually. Their happiness never lasts forever.

One day you heard him on the phone with someone in his room. The door was locked so you sat and waited for him to come out . An hour later, he finally did but he left with a vague excuse that he's meeting up with a friend. He came back with a pitiful look and you knew this was the end. He had broken up with you. He was back with Padme a week after. It turns out that she was the friend he was meeting. She told him she wanted him back...and he obeyed.

Everything went back to normal as if you never existed. As if the two of you weren't in your own fantasy bubble for 6 months. None of Anakin's friends ever reached out to make sure you were okay after the break up. It stung a bit since you were naive enough to believe that they were your friends too. But of course, she was theirs first. It seemed like everyone chose her over you.

Your mind replayed that day over and over again. You shouldve seen the signs. Why didn't you see the signs?! They were right there in big bold letters! Why did you ignore them for so long?

You just wished that if he had told you the truth, you would've left sooner. Why did he wait? Why didn't he tell you when he knew the truth? Why did he let you waste 6 months of your life believing that his love was true?! So many questions clouded your mind and you just wished it would stop already.

You stare at the pictures you kept of you and Anakin in your phone. You swipe to the right and find one of you holding flowers with him in the back staring down at you. He looked so in love with you. At least that's what you believed. But it was all fake. Everything he made you believe was all fake.

Your finger hovered over the delete button but you just couldn't find the will to do it. Instead, you exit out of the app and throw your phone onto the bed.

1 month has passed and you feel slightly better after the breakup. You've taken down every item that may have reminded you of Anakin. Almost everything reminded you of him since he'd stay in your room so often but you mostly removed the main items such as pictures and gifts he's given you. You kept them stored away in a box hidden in the deepest corner of your closet.

You still hadn't managed to go to the park that held so many painful memories of you two. You avoided it like the plague. You never went back to the cafe he took you to on your first date. Instead, you discovered a new one which you thought was way better anyway.

You felt yourself slowly healing from the mess Anakin left you as. You were smiling more, hanging out with your own friends again. Everything was finally okay. That was until you heard that oh so familiar knock on your front door.

You froze in your spot. No, it couldn't be. You tip toe to the front door and hesitantly look through the peephole. Lo and behold, the ghost of your tragic past was standing there to haunt you. You gasp and quickly covered you mouth, but he heard you.

"Y/n?" You hear his muffled voice say through the door, "y/n I know you're home. I saw your car in the driveway." Damn you 2 hours ago for being too lazy to park it in the garage like you normally do. "Please, I just wanna talk."

You sigh and, against your better judgement, decide to open the door. Even after the pain he put you through, you couldn't say no to him. And you hated yourself for it. Your breath hitched when you looked at him. He looked almost the same, but his eyes were more sunken in like he hadn't gotten much sleep for the past few days. They lacked the brightness they usually held.

"Can I come in?" He quietly asked. You don't say anything. You just nod and move to the side so he can walk in.

Anakin felt a strain on his heart when he entered your sacred space. He felt nostalgic being in your home again. He didn't even realize how much he missed it. All he was able to focus on was how much he missed you. He noticed that you took down decor that he bought for you and pictures with him. He felt a pang of guilt.

"What are you doing here Anakin?" Anakin. Hearing you say his full name pains his eardrums as it repeatedly screeches in his ears. He much preferred the name "Ani," when it comes from you. When Padme would call him that, he always hated it. He had to ask her to stop when they got back together. But it always sounded right when you said it. It made him feel soft and warm.

He turned back to face you. You looked so different from how he usually saw you. You carried yourself with less confidence. Your arms were crossed and your walls were clearly built up. He knew it was his fault and he hated it.

"I um..." he swallowed harshly, "can we sit down?" He gestures to the living room. You walk towards the couch and he follows, taking deep breaths as he fights not to put his hand on your back like he used to.

"Well, we're sitting. What do you want?" You were so snippy with him. If he were being honest, he kind of liked it. He never saw this side of you before. But he had to focus on why he came here.

"I'm sorry. I never should've left you. I never should've tried to get back on a path that had already run it's course." Your facade slipped for a moment at his apology. When he saw your eyes soften just a bit, he continued. "I left Padme. I couldn't be with her anymore when you were who I really wanted to be with. Please, give me a second chance."

You weren't quite sure what to say. You were still in love with Anakin but what about all of the progression you've made trying to get over him? All of the effort and pain you went through would have been for nothing. But if you pushed him away, you feared it would get worse. Now, you were fighting an internal battle with yourself.

"I...I don't know Anakin. Why now? Why come back after leaving me for 2 months? After I told you I loved you?" You fidgeted with your hands as you spoke, a clear indication of your insecurities and anxiety. Anakin struggled to not reach out and hold them.

He sighs and adjusts his position so he's facing you. "When I saw Padme that day, I thought that getting back with her would heal some part of me that she broke. I thought I would finally get closure by being with her again. But it wasn't the same. Everytime she hugged me, I'd miss the familiar smell of your perfume. When she laughed, it felt like listening to a violin out of tune. When she held my hand, it didn't feel right." You listened carefully at his confession.

"I couldn't stop thinking about you Y/n. I made a huge mistake ever thinking I could love her again when you're the one who healed me. You made me believe that I could be loved in the way I deserved. And I found myself loving you differently than I loved her, a better way. I'm so sorry I was too stupid to see it and I took advantage of your love and affection. I'm sorry I held on to something that had already run it's course. And if you'll have me, I want you to give me a second chance...please. I want to make it up to you in any way that I could."

You don't say anything. You just sit there, letting the silence linger and suffocate him the longer you remain speechless. Your next words pain him more than he thought they would. "You really hurt me Anakin."

He feels another crack in his heart. "I know. And I hate that I did that to you. If I could turn back time and tell myself not to leave you, I would in a heartbeat!"

"I- I don't know Anakin." A part of you wanted to take him back and pretend like nothing ever happened. But something did happen. He broke you. It took you months to build yourself to less than half of the person you were before. If you take him back, would that throw all of your hard work to waste?

"I know it'll take some time for you to trust me again or even forgive me but I'm willing to wait. I'll wait forever." His eyebrows were scrunched. He was desperate to convince you how serious he was about this.

You close your eyes and take a deep breath "Okay."

"Okay?"

"We can start slow to build that trust again and then see where it goes from there. I don't know how long that will take but if you're serious, you have to be patient with me. You really hurt me."

He nods indefinitely, "I can do that. I really am sorry Y/n."

"I know"

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lost-inthe-v0id · 2 months ago

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Right where you left me.

•WARNINGS: Angst. Situationship. May trigger people with abandonment issues or that have intimacy problems. Not technically cheating, but it may be triggering. Anakin's a douche bag.

Pairing: au!Anakin Skywalker x you!reader.

Summary: Anakin decides to pursue things outside of your relationship, breaking your heart in the process.

Word count: 1.7k.

A/N: NOT PROOFREAD, english is my second language, so please be gentle. If there are any mistakes, pls let me know in private so I can correct them, thanks :) Also I have a serious issue between differentiating “in” and “on” situations, so bare with me lmao.

☽⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯✳⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯✺⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯✳⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯☾

You ran into the coffee shop, in a hurry, which is a normal state for you and your continuous tardiness. “Fuck.” You muttered under your breath as you forced the door open with unnecessary strength.

Anakin must’ve been waiting for half an hour now.

On your tippy toes, you scanned the room, looking for the golden curls to stand out from a booth.

Bingo.

Trying to hide your excitement, you rushed to the table where your -relatively- new thing was waiting for you. You cursed your bag for making so much noise and told yourself off for packing so much shit. Maybe there was no need to bring all the stuff with you, but you couldn’t help yourself in your excitement to show Anakin all of the activities you had planned for you two and the remaining part of the summer.

“Hey.” You whispered loud enough for him to listen to you, but your shortness of breath didn’t go unnoticed by him. He gave you a toothless smile as you sat down in front of him. “I’m sorry I’m late, I was at work and my manager-” You didn’t finish the sentence, instead, your face let him know everything he needed.

“Don’t sweat. I haven’t waited long. Five minutes to be exact.” He checked his phone carelessly.

Oh.

“Training ran long?” You hoped.

“Oh, no, just ran a little late.” He shrugged his shoulders. Like it was of no importance.

At least you felt ashamed for being late. He didn’t seem to carry the same guilt.

Sometimes Anakin did this thing that stung your heart a little. His number one priority had always been him. And when you agreed to try things with him, you knew that was implied in the contract. Part of you had been hoping that you were going to be the reason that changed.

So far, you had failed in your mission.

“Oh, right.” You tried to fake a smile.

“And how’s life outside of work, baby?”

And just like that, your heart felt a little lighter and spark returned to your face. Especially when he reached out to hold your hand and play with your fingers. Especially when he used that nickname that you loved and you hadn’t heard in a while from his lips.

“It’s fine. My summer classes are always boring.” You rolled your eyes, chuckling at the end because he knew how much you hated to take extra courses.

“I told you to give yourself some time off in the summer.” He raised his eyebrow.

“I know, I know…” You huffed. “Actually, I’ve been working on that.” You smiled, turning to your bag and taking some of the things you packed.

Tickets for one of your favorite movies, that he insisted he wanted to watch with you. It made you smile so hard when he had proposed that plan, given that he was aware how much that franchise meant to you.

You also took out some coins for the local fair, the one you two had walked by and promised to do that as your next date.

The brand new control for your gaming console you had just bought to join him in video games because he said he wanted to share that without you. He seemed pretty excited to do that as an activity together and he even listed all of the games you might like.

And right when you were about to take the keys of your summer house out, to hint him that you were ready to take the next step in your relationship, he stopped you.

Anything intimate always made you nervous, even when you two were in the middle of it. It was a very vulnerable space for you and Anakin was your first in many things. It was normal for you to still be adapting to it.

But you wanted to try. For you.

For him.

As a more experienced person than you, Anakin had needs. Needs that you sometimes failed to meet. That even though he was patient, you could feel how your lack of confidence sometimes bugged him. Not in an explicit manner, just… the occasional huff when he tried something experimental in bed or when you started to psych yourself out of the make out session.

Any other person would have already left, but Anakin was your friend first and he was well aware of your uptight personality way before the two of you agreed to be friends with benefits. He knew what he was getting into and he was actually glad to help you experiment with that part of yourself you normally hid.

So your demonstration of being an organized and planning psycho was nothing new to him.

“Hey, hey…” He slowed you down, barely gazing the things on the table and fixing his eyes on yours. “Before you get started, I wanted to talk to you.”

His serious tone alerted you. But you weren’t surprised. Something inside of you had been alerting you all weekend. You thought it was your well-known anxiety. However, this felt unusual. Like his habitual ghosting and lack of response for the past few days meant different things this time.

“Sure.” You took a deep breath, trying to make it not so obvious. “Go ahead.” You nodded with a little smile trying to appear serene.

“So, sorry for not replying to your texts this weekend. I was out in nature, thinking and connecting, you know?” He tilted his head, his eyes looking for some compassion out of you.

“Yeah, yeah, of course.” You rushed the words when the silence dipped between you two, part of it your fault because you were too worried with your sinking heart.

You could understand a little impromptu retreat, you only wished it wasn’t right after you did some pretty intimate stuff back at your house. That last day you two crossed more boundaries than ever before. And even though you highly enjoyed it, his absence after that had you feeling nauseous, making you overthink and regret your decision of not giving him your virginity right in that opportunity. Maybe he would have shown more interest if you would have-

“So…Uhm… I think we should stop hanging out.”

Your heart was down by your feet when he pronounced those words. You tried with all your soul to control your trembling hands that lied in between his palms so he didn’t notice how he was ripping you apart. Your irregular breath threatened to put you on blast but you managed to keep it on the low.

“It’s not about you, seriously. I love hanging out with you and spending time with you, among other stuff.” He chuckled lightly, but instead of following his action, you released the breath you were holding. “But I’ve been talking to this girl and I just want to make sure that everything is working out with her. Emotionally.”

The sting in your eyes only grew bigger as you realized how embarrassing and heart shattering this moment was for you. Your cheeks felt hot and tight, something you tried hard to disguise with a breezy exterior.

Like a flash, you remembered the day both of you talked about the rules of your agreement. You kicked yourself mentally when you reminisced of the moment where both of you agreed to let the other one know if they wanted to pursue something with someone else. You had said yes, in the expectation that his constant checking in on you and daily talks was enough proof of interest. Meaning that he would not be looking outside of your “situationship” .

And you agreed, because that was your case. You were interested enough.

“You let me know if you want to see another guy, okay?”

You could almost laugh at such stupid idea. Didn’t he know?

“I think it’s better if we stop talking, so I can figure out things with her.” He scrunched his nose, like he was running out of words.

But how many words do you actually need to let someone know you don’t want them? He didn’t need much more. You’ve gotten the message.

“It’s nothing definitive, but yeah… Let me know if you have any questions.” He gave you a side smile, still fidgeting with your frozen-in-place fingers.

That took you out of the slow motion trance you were in.

“Y-yeah, okay.” You took your hands out of his quickly, blinking quickly into realization. You started to rush everything back in your purse, screaming the word “Stupid!” over and over again in your head while you carried on with a calm expression. “Do not worry about me. No questions on my part. Thanks for letting me know.”

I guess.

“Totally agree with not talking anymore.” You finally stopped for a second after pushing all of the items on your tote bag. He seemed to be analyzing your expression in search of any sign of real approval, because your shy and cold body language wasn’t reassuring him. So you put on your bravest face and forced a smile. “I hope everything turns out great with her.”

Speaking those words felt like hot iron was passing through your throat.

He gave you an honest smile and got up, taking his jacket with him. “Thank you. And thanks for understanding.”

You stayed frozen in place, your purse on your lap with your hands clutching it so hard you could feel your nails through the fabric. You limited yourself to nodding quietly and letting the side of your mouth curve slightly up.

“I’m sorry I can’t stay-” He began explaining his sudden escape.

“Don’t be. Don’t worry about me. ” You dismissed. “I’ll just stay and have lunch.” You took the menu and fixed your gaze on the listed items, anything that wouldn’t be his eyes.

He excused himself off the table politely, leaving you all alone and speechless. You glued your eyes to his back until he exited through the door, begging silently that he would turn around and say something else. Something that would pull you back into his life.

It seemed like that wasn’t his plan.

“I know I shouldn’t look for you for sexual stuff, but can I contact you for friend stuff?”

The text arrived that Saturday at 1am, 5 days later, erasing any progress you had done.

The day of his usual drunken nights.

Right around the time he used to get bored and there wasn't anything left to smoke.

Exactly at the time he would always contact you.

And you?

You were still at the restaurant. Unable to move.

Every day since that day.

Right where he left you.

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lost-inthe-v0id · 2 months ago

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Let you break my heart again - Anakin x Jedi reader

masterlist.

Author’s note: hi. so uh. yeah I got a little silly and decided to write angst again. and wrote more than I was aiming for but that’s okay LMAO— Also omg THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE LOVE ON MY SWISS FIC?? you’re the best <3 Other things to note: Revenge of the Sith era Anakin but Anakin and Padmé aren’t married (they’re courting/dating), reader is a Jedi and has had a crush on Anakin since like the beginning of time /j, reader is majorly jealous of Padmé

Warnings: ANGST, unrequited love, hurt/comfort, Anakin uses a derogatory word for droids, no pronouns used for reader

Word count: 2114 words

Propped against a wall, you saw Anakin enter the Jedi temple, looking a bit disheveled. But you knew he had just returned from a mission with Obi-Wan, so maybe it went terribly wrong, maybe it went really well.

You attempted to approach him, but Padmé had already beat you to it, like she always did. You felt a pang in your heart as you saw him hug her, longing to be in her place. Sadly, you knew it would never happen, with the looks they’d exchange with each other when they thought no one was watching. But you were. Finally, after what had seemed like forever, Padmé left to do her duties. You took this opportunity and rushed to him, your heart skipping a beat. “Hey.. how did it go?” You asked with a soft smile. Anakin nodded at you, then sighed. “Fine, I guess.. We didn’t really do much, just killed a bunch of clankers.” You caught yourself before making a face at him for using the derogatory word for droids; but you understood why he chose that word.

“Well.. I mean, at least it was.. good practice?” You giggled a bit, trying to cheer him up.

Anakin forced a light chuckle. “Yeah..” He said, looking off to the side, his mind somewhere else. You gave him a soft look. “Hey.. everything okay over there?” You asked kindly, your heart skipping a beat as he looked back at you. “No.. not really…” he admitted with a sigh. He seemed like he wanted to say more, but couldn’t find the right words. “..thanks for asking, though.” He added sincerely.

You furrowed your brows and studied his expression. “Hey, uh… do you want to go somewhere else and talk about it, perhaps?” You offered.

He thought for a moment and then nodded slowly. “Yeah, I could use… someone to talk to...”

“Alright, then. Wanna head to the library? It’s usually deserted at this hour..” You smiled at him, and Anakin perked up a little at the mention of it. “Yeah, actually… that’d be great.. there’s some new data I’ve been meaning to catch up on as well.”

You two slowly made your way to the library, finding a table in the very back. Anakin sat down on one of the old worn out chairs, staring into the oblivion. “I feel… different..” He mumbled, almost to himself. “What’s wrong?” You sat down next to him, tilting your head and studying his expression. You waited a few seconds before speaking up. “..is it about Padmé?” You question.

Anakin nodded. It was hard to explain, but he felt something. Something that both terrified him and excited him.

“How did you know?” Anakin asked. “Ahah.. lucky guess?” You smiled, then giving him a sympathetic look. “..is she okay? Are you two okay?”

Anakin sighed. "Yeah... I think we are." He put his head down, leaning his arms on the table.

“She's so beautiful…” Anakin whispered. “And she's smart.. And... caring... and... wonderful…” Anakin trailed off, unknowingly breaking your heart with every word. “…You love her a lot… don’t you? Well, I bet my lightsaber she loves you a lot as well.” You tried to smile through the pain, asking the very question that could possibly break you, but you had to know.

Anakin looked up at you, a look of uncertainty on this face. “No, it's not that. I love her… it's just... It’s hard to describe.” Anakin said.

“But.. sometimes, I just feel like... I don't need this.” He looked away from you.

“This… this whole Jedi… thing. I don’t know if I want to be a Jedi anymore.” Anakin whispered, his words dripping with emotion. “I want something different.” He said hesitantly, looking back at you.

“…I see. What is it you want, exactly?” You whispered curiously. Anakin seemed to think for awhile.

“I don't want the Jedi Order, that's for sure.” Anakin said.

“I want freedom. I want... something... more. Something..." He trailed off.

“I want to be happy.” Anakin finally said, almost as if it was a confession. “But I'm... afraid.”

You nodded in understanding. You want freedom too, but not in the same way; you wanted to just be free from this unrequited love, to be free from this constant heartbreak…

“…why are you afraid?” You asked him softly.

Anakin stared at the table in front of him. “I don’t know, it’s just… if I let go of this… this Jedi thing…” He said, the word ‘Jedi’ having a slight hint of hatred in it. “..I’m not sure if I can become anything else. But at the same time… I don’t want this.” He continued, looking like he was on the verge of tears.

You nodded. “I understand. I really do..”

You so desperately wanted to reach out and hold Anakin's hand, to comfort him and tell him that everything will be okay as long as they have each other. But you couldn't. You weren’t Padmé.

“…I feel like I'm going insane…” Anakin whispered, his voice quiet and strained. He felt ashamed, but also somewhat relieved that he finally let it out.

“Sometimes I even think... I even thought…” Anakin trailed off.

“Never mind.” He said with a sigh.

“Wait, no.. you can tell me.. I promise I won’t tell anyone..” You reassured him.

He looked back up at you. “Sometimes… I have these… thoughts.”

You raised an eyebrow. “What kind of thoughts?” You asked gently.

“…Dark thoughts. Violent thoughts. Thoughts that could.. that could get me expelled from the Jedi Order.” Anakin finished, his voice strained. He looked at the table, and you did too. “…I see.” You finally reply, looking back up at him in sympathy. “…do you think it’ll affect you soon? Like…. You’re almost at your breaking point?”

Anakin took a deep breath and let it out. “I don’t know…” he answered.

“I don’t know what I’m capable of..” He continued, his voice starting to shake. You notice him slowly, hesitantly reach his hand over the table and rest it on yours, his fingers trembling.

You stared at your hand for a moment, then back at Anakin, feeling the pang in your heart again. Oh, if only he knew the pain he’d just caused… “Hey.. it’s okay, you’re strong… I know you can get through this. I know it.” You whispered to him, giving him a soft smile.

Anakin leaned his head against the table, keeping his eyes shut. “Can you… can you do me a favor..?” He asked quietly.

“Anything. Yeah.” You whispered immediately, ready to give your life for Anakin in a heartbeat if you were asked to do so.

Anakin sighed. “Can... can you promise to stick with me? No matter what? Like a Jedi and his Padawan?”

Anakin looked up at you. "Can... can you do that for me?" He asked. He looked like he was begging you for help.

You nodded. “Of course.. I’ll always be on your side, no matter what. I’ll always be here for you.” You whisper with a smile. Anakin looked up at you, tears starting to form in his eyes. “Thank you…” he whispered.

A moment later Anakin embraced you in a tight hug, a feeling of relief washing over him.

You tensed slightly, a blush forming on your face. The pang in your heart hit harder again, and you knew that this moment would haunt you forever.

Nevertheless, you placed a hand gently on Anakin’s chest and wrapped your other arm around his waist, hugging him tighter. “Shh… don’t cry..” You whispered, hating to see him in pain even though you were probably hurting even more than he was.

Anakin's words were muffled as he buried his head into your shoulder. It had been so long since someone had embraced him in a welcoming way.

“I’m… I'm scared…” Anakin whispered. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

You were the only thing grounding him to reality.

“Hey, it’s okay… you’ll be okay.” You whispered reassuringly, rubbing Anakin’s back soothingly. The longer the two of you hugged, the more it hurt you. But you couldn’t understand it. Why were you feeling so much pain when he was showing you affection? Isn’t this what you wanted?

Anakin lifted his head from your shoulder, looking back at you. He could feel his breath catching in his throat as he gazed into your eyes. Before he could even think, Anakin leaned in and softly kissed your lips. You could feel your cheeks get redder as he kissed you. Was this even real? You didn’t care; this was the happiest you’d ever been, almost as if you were in a trance. You kissed him back without hesitation, but then as quickly as the moment came, it was over; Anakin pulled away. Your eyes widened in realization as you snapped back into reality. Anakin seemed shocked as well, surprised by what he just did. “I….” He whispered, unsure of what to say.

You looked at him in horror, thinking of what Padmé would do if she ever found out.

“I… I’m sorry, I.. oh, no…”

Not thinking straight, you quickly got up and ran away from the library, tears starting to blur your vision.

“W-Wait! Come back!” Anakin called your name as he got up from the table, running after you.

“J-Just leave me alone, Ani…” you pleaded as you covered your mouth with your hand, a sob escaping your lips.

Anakin kept following you as you both raced down the halls, your footsteps echoing. Eventually he caught up with you and grabbed him by the shoulders. “No.. No, I won’t. Let me help you.” He said firmly as he took your hand and held it. “Please… you’re hurting me more than you realize..” You stared at him, tears starting to fall down your cheeks now. You wanted to pull your hand away, but you couldn’t find it in your heart to do so.

“No, I want to be by your side. Through thick and thin,” Anakin said with a slight smile. “Padmé means a lot to me, but you... you are very special to me as well.”

You looked away from him, taking in shaky breaths as more tears fell down your cheeks and you wiped them away before looking at him again.

“Wait.. so… y-you don’t love Padmé?” You asked slowly.

Anakin went red. “What? No no... I do love Padmé.” Anakin said, his voice getting a bit higher than he intended. Was he lying?

“But... I also love... I mean... uh…” Anakin was fumbling with his words. He wanted to say 'I love you,' but he didn't want to scare you. Anakin wasn't sure what he should do. He was stuck.

“Anakin.. don’t play games with me right now.” You pleaded.

“Do you love me, or her?” You asked bluntly, tears still falling down your cheeks, your eyes turning puffy.

Anakin took a deep breath.

“I… I choose... you.” Anakin said, looking at you.

For the first time since you had known each other, Anakin looked completely honest. He wasn't lying about anything. He looked at you with eyes of complete adoration.

"I choose... you." Anakin repeated.

You looked down at the ground, his words registering in your brain. “H-How do I know… you’re not lying to me right now to make me feel better?”

Anakin took his fingers and lifted your gaze. “Look me in the eyes,” Anakin said, and you did.

“I’m not lying to you, and I never will.” He said with complete honesty.

“You mean more to me than anyone in the galaxy.” Anakin's voice softened. "You are more important to me than even Padmé,” Anakin said, looking you right in the eye.

You looked at Anakin with a desperate expression, shaking your head.

“Oh, Ani…” You whispered, and before you knew it, you’d placed your lips on his again, this time full of passion.

Anakin wrapped his arms around you and kissed you back just as passionately as tears formed in his eyes. “I love you.” He whispered.

Hearing those words from Anakin’s lips melted your heart, and you felt tears forming in your eyes again, but this time from pure joy.

“I love you too.. Oh, Ani.. I’ve waited so long to hear you say that..” You whispered back, kissing him again.

Anakin kissed back, not wanting the moment to end. He embraced you as if you were the only thing holding him together.

It was like a fairytale come true.

Anakin finally felt happy. Really happy. He had you to thank for it, as well as his own courage to take a chance.

And now, you were finally with the one you loved.

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lost-inthe-v0id · 2 months ago

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In the back of my mind

Paring: Anakin Skywalker x f!reader (she/her pronouns!) / Anakin Skywalker x Padmé Amidala

Feat: wildflower from Billie Eilish.

Summary: before Padmé and Anakin there was someone else. But best friends don’t betray each other, do they? (Mostly Padmé‘s POV.)

A/n: this might be a little more complicated, so pay close attention to who‘s meant with 'her‘ and it really shouldn’t be a problem! Just a short little angsty Drabble I wanted to share, enjoy!

Padmé and her had been best friends ever since she got into politics, she was the only one who understood her. They would sit and talk about all the world matters until they had to go home.

When they both were in desperate need of a bodyguard due to life threatening conditions, they were both so giddy knowing that the two best Jedi‘s were coming to protect them.

Anakin and her got along quick, quicker than Padmé had ever seen her best friend get along with anyone.

His ponytail and his hypnotizing eyes really did the trick.

Anakin only remembered being in love with Padmé all his life, counting the days until he saw her again. But she didn’t want him, and he was sick of coming across as pushy.

Padmé was so happy for her best friend when she and Anakin became official. She listened to all the stories with excitement, giving her advice on how to kiss, or which positions men liked best.

For two whole years she watched her best friend shine with the boy who used to be in love with her.

But she didn’t reciprocate those feelings, so she really didn’t have any right to be upset. Her best friend had deserved this. A great guy such like Ani.

When they broke up due to him cheating on her drunkenly, Padmé held her tight.

“He‘s not worth it.“ “he‘s such an idiot for losing you!“

The little twinge of hope in her chest didn’t show.

She was crying on my shoulder, all I could do was hold her,

“You’re the Best friend I could ever have.“ She hugs Padmé tightly, and she put on a fake smile.

Padmé watched her get ready for her date later, pretending to be so proud of her for finally getting over Anakin.

She didn’t mention her own date that she had later that day.

Only made us closer

Anakin was desperate. He wouldn’t leave her alone.

It was not her fault.

Until July,

She didn’t want this, she didn’t want to fall for her best friend’s ex boyfriend.

But she did anyway, doesn’t matter how much she tried to deny and fight it.

“Anakin you know we can’t!“ she cried “what about-“ but he cut her off,

“What about us, Padmé? Don’t we deserve happiness? I love you.“ he begged.

And I know that you love me, you don’t need to remind me.

The talk was what Padmé dreaded the most.

So she didn’t talk.

She avoided her as best as possible, only talked when necessary.

Soon they grew apart, Padmé made sure she would think it only happened because of time,

Because sometimes friends just grow apart, it’s the circle of life, isn’t it?

But when she and Anakin walked by her, hand in hand, and their eyes met briefly,

Padmé knew that she knows now.

That she knows why Padmé has been avoiding her.

That she knows why they grew apart, why their friendship had to end.

Because Padmé took something that was once hers.

And they never spoke again.

I should put it all behind me.. shouldn’t I?

“We‘re here!“ Anakin announced proudly, "do you like it?“

Padmé looked at the lake in front of her.

“And then he took me to the lake and told me he loved me! How sweet is that? It was-“ both girls squealed together.

“Perfect,“ Padmé finished the sentence she had once heard in a different scenario,

“It’s perfect.“ she looked at the lake.

But I see her,

In the back of my mind.

All the time.

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lost-inthe-v0id · 2 months ago

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Tomura wanted to hate you. You were a soft little thing, defenseless. Hell, when Dabi pinched at and toyed with you (like a cat with a mouse) you hid behind Tomura like he was your savior or something. It made his stomach twist sickly, and it made his dick hard. You were a stray- just a stray he picked up from the middle of the chaos of his destruction. He'd dusted some creep who had been using the fray to corner women with disgusting intentions. From then on you looked at Tomura like he was.. good.

He should have threatened you when you grabbed onto his arm and refused to let go, begging him with big fat tears in your pretty eyes, "T-take me with you, p-please, I'll do anything-" He should have told you that no good would come from associating with him. But those tears of yours, the way your tits pressed into his arm, it messed with his head.

The first time he fucks you (and that all it is, he has to remind himself, just a fuck) he makes you cum on his tongue for hours before he even thinks about putting his dick in you. He can admit, to himself alone, he'd been craving this. Your juices on his chin, your pretty moans filling his stark room as you cry out his name. His name. You're crying again when he finally moves over you and he thinks to himself, he likes you like this. Desperate, crying and clinging to him. His cock aches his tip wet and sticky with pre as it slaps against his stomach once he pushes his boxers down his thighs. You whimper as you spread your thighs wider, impossibly eager for him. He looks to your face, to burn it into his memory as he slowly enters you. It's a struggle for you, your tiny pussy trying valiantly to suck his girth inside. But his fat cock is just barely too much for you and God he loves it.

"T-tomura," You sniff with your arms wrapping around his neck, pulling him closer as you gasp breathlessly, "Need you.."

Just a fuck, he reminds himself. But he's painfully gentle with you as he let's you get accustomed to his size. Let's you hold onto him, kisses your forehead, your eyes, everywhere but your mouth. Everywhere but where he can't let himself.

When your pussy starts to clench around him, when your hips start to move restlessly, the time for gentleness is over.

Now he's focused on thrusting into you as deep as he can, he wants your juices on his balls. He wants his cockhead bullying your cervix. And somehow you let him. You welcome every thrust with sounds that drive him crazy. You still want him? When he's animalistic in his need to take take take all that you give. When he's selfishly groping every inch of you that he can reach. Your tits, your ass, your stomach that jiggles with every thrust.

But he can see it, the desire and trust in your eyes, he can feel your pussy creaming on his cock. And it sends him over the edge.

To his utter amazement, you cum just from feeling his load spewing into your pussy.

Tomura wants to hate you, but he really. Really can't.

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lost-inthe-v0id · 2 months ago

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Creep

Warnings: Creepy/stalker behavior, breeding kink, pussydrunk behavior, cumflation, stomach bulge, subspace, premature ejaculation, orgasms

You know it's wrong, so wrong to enjoy the attention of a creep.

At least, that's what people call him. But through the snickers and sidelong glances that surround him, there's something about him that intrigues you, attracts you, something you can't seem to get out of your head.

It starts off small, letting him eye you from across the room and flashing him a small smile. Then you notice he starts to get bolder, more confident in his advances. As the days pass, his presence becomes a constant in your routine. He waits for you after class, catches you alone in elevators, leans in closer during conversations, and even starts to find excuses to touch your arm or shoulder. Each interaction feels like a challenge, a test of boundaries that seems he's all too willing to push.

In the beginning, you almost listen to the unease flickering in the back of your mind, warning that maybe you are playing with fire. But as the tension builds, you find your resolve slowly melting, small touches on your arm turn grazes against your ass and the quick glances evolve into him blatantly checking you out.

So only you can be blamed for the situation you're in right now. Only you can be blamed for letting it get like this.

His hips snapped so fast you can't think, you can breathe. Pleasure courses through your body in electric flesh arrows and you could feel your pussy clench around his length in a futile attempt to adjust for his massive size. How could a creep like him be so big? Jesus, you could feel his mushroom tip press against your cervix every time he slammed into you. Countless loads of cum dripped from where you two were connected onto the white sheets below. At any given time he'd blow his load right into you and without much of a stutter fuck the liquid back into you, until he reached his high again and started the cycle over again.

"Mine," he grunts out, his breath hot against your cheek from the brutal mating press he has you in. The bed shook with every thrust, the head board banging against the wall from the way your cervix was getting absolutely abused. The friction, the way he filled you up so perfectly, his hot skin against yours, it was too much, too overwhelming, and your brain couldn't handle the pleasure. You could feel the euphoria absorb your body, making your toes curl and uncurl from the sheer pleasure.

"G-gonna cum in you again" He says through a moan, peppering kissed along your jaw. "Gonna fill you up, make you feel so so good." He doesn’t slow his movement, instead picking up one of your legs and throwing it over his shoulder so he can reach even deeper. He places his other hand on your belly, rubbing your skin with his thumb.

"You feel me?" He coos, pressing down on your stomach, intensifying the pressure of his cock inside you and making your moans grow even louder.

"I can feel you, I can feel you squeezing me, feel so good, better than my fist." He chuckles and grabs your throat, squeezing it so your brain goes fuzzy with the slight light of oxygen.

His breathing becomes jagged and with a soft whimper followed by a silent "oh-fu", he blows his load into your battered pussy. There is no warning when cums into you, only the slight stutter of his hips that does nothing to deter his brutal pace. You are soaked down there, his sticky cum leaking out of you as he pushes into you over and over again. But you couldn't be bothered to look right now, you couldn’t open your eyes and ignore the colors you were seeing behind your eyelids. Everything was good - so, so, so good. Your skin was buzzing, mind cloudy, and the only thing you could focus on was the throbbing that was taking over your body.

"You gonna cum?" He coos into your ear, punctuating his words with an extra sharp thrust. "Cum for me, please."

As if on cue, you gasp, and let your orgasm wash over you. He doesn't stop his movements, instead, he fucks you through your orgasm until your crying for him to stop.

"Not gonna stop, gonna fuck you until m' shooting blanks okay?"

SHIGARAKI, YUUTA OKKATSU, L LAWLIET, SHINSO, KENMA, GYUTARO

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lost-inthe-v0id · 3 months ago

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BEAUTIFUL DISASTER—

ANAKIN SKYWALKER

CONTAINS: nsfw content, smut, small age gap, virgin/naive/innocent reader, fem!reader, y/n used, mind reading kinda, begging dry humping, oral (fem receiving), not proofread (free to let me know about any spelling or grammar mistakes)

my first ani fic !!

ANAKIN SKYWALKER is your master… and you just had to share a room with him.

you’re awakened when you hear labored breathing next to you. panic sets in and you sit up, looking over to the bed next to you. “master?” your voice angelic as it floats across the room.

anakin looks over to you, his chest still rising and falling in fervor. “i’m sorry, padawan. you can go back to bed.” the moonlight shines upon his toned torso as he tries to shrug off your concern.

the tiredness quickly wears off and you pull the covers off of you and walk over to anakin’s bed. you sit on the edge of his bed, you can see his sweat drenched hair that stuck to his forehead. “you can talk to me, master. it’s better than keeping it in, it can make you unwell.”

“i cannot speak to you about this. i don’t want you to think bad of me. i am your superior, your master. i shouldn’t think about these things.” you were confused by his words. his face glowed red as he looked away in embarrassment. you just couldn’t shake the curiosity of it all. “i promise i wont think bad of you. please, tell me.” you leaned forward a bit, but there was still a gap between the both of you.

he sighed, “you promise?” you nod in response. he licks his lips before continuing. “i have dreams,” he hesitated before speaking up again, “and these dreams tempt me— tempt me against the jedi code.” he looked at you, your brows furrowed.

“tempt you how?” you continue to quiz. he thought you would’ve understood by now, but still you were oblivious. “romantically and sexually. both of those are against the jedi code. if i give in— it’ll affect me.” you gasp as it finally clicks.

“oh,” was all you could mutter out, your hands clutching the fabric of your nightgown as you felt a strange warmth in your stomach.

“and now you think i’m horrible.” anakin seethed. “no, master. i just— i’ve never spoken about those things.” you look away embarrassed.

you were so naive and sweet. it was intoxicating just to be by you and anakin was starting to feel those effects. the heat rising in his thighs, to his throbbing cock. anakin leaned towards you, a foot or two separating you.

“never?” his voice was a whisper but it was tainted with lust. you shake your head, “no.” he laughed lowly, his adam’s apple bobbing. “c’mere.” he gestured you to come next to him. you crawled over next to him, now closer than ever. “you wanna know what i think about? what i think about when i’m dreaming at night?” his bright eyes now seemed so dark with lust.

you nod, so badly wanting to know. “i think about you.” your eyes widen slightly, “me?” you look over his face for any signs he was lying or just joking, but nothing. you could feel he wasn’t lying. he hums, “mhm.” he pushes a strand of hair out of your face.

“i think about you. your sweet voice. your sweet face. that sweet mouth. everything about you. it’s intoxicating. so tempting.” he began to close the gap between the both of you, his hot breath against your cheek as he held your jaw between his fingers. your brain was fuzzy by how close he was.

he then closed the gap with a kiss to your lips. softly at first and then it became feverish as he pulled you in closer. you let out small whines as his tongue explored your mouth. you stomach churned with excitement from the thrill of it all. he pulls away as if he snapped out of a trance. “oh no, oh no. i’m sorry, i don’t want to scare you, or make you uncomfortable.” he was feeling the guilt creep upon him. if anyone found out his title would get taken away.

“master,” you take his hand into yours, “it’s okay. please. don’t stop.” you reassure. “y/n, this can affect you too. don’t let me damage that for you.” his gaze softened. you shake your head. “i don’t care, master. please i need you.” you started to become desperate, clenching around nothing.

anakin was a very good and powerful jedi. every movement of yours, he was painfully aware of. he gulps at the sound of your pleading voice. his hands reach to your waist, kneading the flesh. “please.” you say breathlessly. he pulls you in for another kiss, softer than before, careful.

his strong grip pulled you onto his lap, not breaking the kiss. you squirmed against him. instinctively, he gripped you tighter and groaned. “fuck, baby. yeah, keep doing that.” he sounded almost pathetic while he begged for the friction of your cunt. his hands now gripped you hips as he groaned.

you clit was all puffy from stimulation. “oh, master.” you dropped your head into his shoulder. “keep going, baby. keep rubbing against me like that.” his cock had already been painfully hard from his dream but now he thought it would genuinely explode.

“oh my stars.” he was panting and groaning and whining. a complete mess. a beautiful disaster underneath you. “i’m cumming, baby, oh my gosh.” he squeezed onto your hips so tight you were most likely to have formed bruises.

he dipped down from his high and held you in his arms for a moment. “your turn now, baby.” he lifted you off of him and laid you down next to him. you were still needy from your previous exercise.

he moved down to your thighs, kissing and sucking on them. he moved upwards to your hips and peppering his love onto you. he pulled your nightgown up over your belly and continue his kisses. he creeped back down over your clothed mound and licked a stripe over it. “so fuckin’ wet. my good girl.” he hooked his fingers onto your panties and pulled them down your legs discarding them somewhere in the room.

you were embarrassed as he was so close to your pussy and he could tell. “now don’t get all shy on me, pretty.” he smiled at you, calming you a bit to see his fresh gaze. he kissed your slick lips and those kisses turn into him devouring you. your poor sensitive cunt was being bullied by his tongue.

“ani!” you shriek when his tongue strikes your clit. he doesn’t stop, just continuing to eat you like a man starved. your hands thread through his gold locks as he shoves his tongue into you. he moans in delight has he tastes you.

his head was buried between your legs as you moan and whine, your hand going over your mouth to silence yourself. you’ll be dead if anyone caught you like this. a moaning mess with your masters head between your thighs, eating you like a animal.

“oh, master!” you whine as his tongue envelops your cunt. you could feel your lower tummy getting tight, the familiar feeling you felt when you rubbed yourself against your pillow at night, thinking about him. your couldn’t help but grind yourself against his mouth, craving him desperately.

“cum for me baby.” anakin spoke under his breath before continuing. his words melted your brain. right then and there your hips stuttered and you let out an exciting moan, bouncing off the walls and into anakins ears. he ate you through your orgasm. your thighs lightly shaking from the pleasure.

your chest heaved as you rode back onto the shore of your orgasm. you could hear your masters pants. it reminded you of how he sounded after lightsaber practice. “you’re so gorgeous when you cum.” he smiled as he rose up from between your legs. you could see the glisten of your slick on his nose and chin which caused you to blush.

when you two were face to face he places a delicate kiss to your lips, tasting yourself on him. “thank you.” you muttered out. “anytime.. anytime.” he kissed you on his neck, chuckles leaving both of your mouths.

“i think it’s time to get to bed now.” he spoke. you nodded and sat up, expecting to go back to your bed. he stops you by grabbing you. “no, no. you stay here. don’t want you falling on your way back.” he said with a dirty grin. you smiled and laid back down, your master next to you.

he took you into his arms, you on his broad chest. “i’m never going to have to dream again.” he admitted. you placed a kiss to his chest in response. you both soon drifted to sleep, tired from your ‘training’.

you were just glad that you had to share a room with your master.

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lost-inthe-v0id · 3 months ago

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𝐢 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐢’𝐦 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲

pairing(s): anakin skywalker x fem!reader

summary: you’re leaving so anakin doesn’t break the code for you but he doesn’t want you to go?

warning(s): angst, angst and unedited work

“i was thinking we’d sneak off and see the beautiful sights and i-“ he rambles with excitement thinking bout all the things they’d do together but there’s a silence coming from the girl that he finally notices.

she’s picking at her bottom lip avoiding his gaze.

“y/n?” he asked a small smile on his face “you don’t seem as excited as i am.” she looked up at him “oh, i’m sorry.” she forced a small chuckle but there was a hint of something anakin couldn’t recognize “anakin… can i talk to you?” her tone scared him, he couldn’t lie. it wasn’t often she looked as nervous as she did now.

“of course.” he nodded taking a seat beside her. she takes a breath trying to gather her words, she doesn’t wanna say it but she must so she blurts it out quickly “i’m leaving.”

it makes him freeze, his eyebrows furrow as the words sink in. “where?” he laughs, she must be joking but the teary look in her eyes tells him she’s not. “i don’t understand.”

“obi-wan is taking me home.” his eyes linger on her. he had knew of her dreams to travel to her home planet, she grew up as a young slave with the dream of being home where she belonged but this was journey he thought they’d make together.

he thought he had more time with her.

“i’m going with you.” he states like it’s an obvious fact but the girl frowned “anakin.”

“no.” he shakes his head when he realizes what she’s about to say. “you’re not just leaving!” he stands up angrily “you can’t just leave what about… what about padme? huh? what will she think?” he uses his friend as a ploy to get the girl to stay.

she looks down “she knows.” she breathed out looking up at him “she thinks i should go.” anakin shook his head, his hands balling up into fists, his nails digging into his palms. “what about- what about-“ he stuttered trying to come up with a reason.

“what about me?” he asked looking at her and her heart breaks at the sight, she takes a breath standing up brushing her hair over her shoulder. she takes a step towards him. “anakin. you know i care about you deeply. we are family-“

“you know that is not how i see you.” anakin stands tall looking down at the girl. most people wouldn’t know how to take what he said but she knew what it was.

a love confession.

“that is why i must go.” she whispered placing her hand on his chest “attachments amongst the jedis are forbid-“ he cuts her off before she can finish “i don’t care.” he shakes his head taking a step towards her, they are inches apart “all i care about is you.” she lets out a sniffle beginning to cry at his words.

she wished things were easier but she couldn’t let him give up everything for her.

“there’s not a line that i wouldn’t cross for you” his voice breaks into a whimper but his words were sincere. she could tell, his soft eyes boring into hers almost begging her as his hand brushes hair away from her face caressing her cheek, her eyes fluttered closed as his thumb brushed over a tear spilling from her eye.

she sighed placing her hand over his, brushing over his knuckles. “you cannot give your life up for me, anakin.”

“what do i have to do to make you stay?” he asked searching her eyes for an answer that he knew deep down she’d never give it. she was leaving. “i love you” she whispered for the first time.

he opened his mouth to return the confession but he was shushed as she brushed her fingers against his plush lips. “don’t say it.” she said her eyes lingering on his lips “i know already.” she promised with a smile tears staining her cheeks.

it was a bittersweet moment. it was the three words he often longed to hear but she wouldn’t let him act on it.

she dropped her hand taking her hand in his and she held it for a moment savoring it. “goodbye anakin.”

“stay.” he tried tears forming in his eyes as he held tightly as she tried to pull her hand out of his. “stay please. this all means nothing without you.” he pulled her close, his forehead pressed against hers as she shut her eyes to hide from his. she’d stay for him, she knew she would.

a broken sob escaped her lips as she shook her head “please anakin.”

“stay.” he repeated the words like a mantra, his lips brushed against hers but she took a step back away from him and it felt like someone was ripping his heart out.

“i’m sorry, my love” her eyes finally meet his for the last time but he doesn’t reply giving a curt nod as he holds back tears. he knows all his fighting will be for nothing.

she isn’t going to stay.

even for him.

she turns away from him, she walks fast and quick knowing if she stood there any longer she’d stay with him.

he stands there watching as his love leave him, forever.

or maybe what was supposed to be forever.

a/n: mila don’t end on a cliff hanger challenge?! i hope you guyz liked this i was thinking a part two but only if u guys are interested. lmk what u think 💗💗💗

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lost-inthe-v0id · 3 months ago

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Forbidden Attachments- Anakin Skywalker x Reader

Prompt:The reader was in love with Anakin, takes places after ATOC and the beginning of the CW and when Anakin has a padawan. You left the Jedi order because you thought Anakin was in love with Padme. You were in love with Anakin. You take off and live on another planet. Anakin, Ahoska, Obi Wan and Rex make a pit stop on your planet without even realizing it…

This is angst and fluff, I didn’t grammar check it per usual 😭 I gotta stop doing that. Ummmmm I was gonna write a part two that included smut, but then I thought it was too long. Soooo let me know in the comments if I should or not! Thanks, hope you enjoy!🫶🏽

——————————————

The day you left the order was the hardest decision you’ve ever made. It wasn’t because of false accusations or because you believed that the sith could help you achieve goals the Jedi couldn’t. No it was one specific rule, one specific code. Attachments are Forbidden. Love was forbidden and you were in love with Anakin, your best friend. It wasn't his fault, you couldn’t really blame him for it, not when there was a rule set for the Jedi. However it didn’t stop the pain that ripped through your chest and into your heart and mind. There was no easy way to handle it, the love that you craved only to realize he’s never cared for you the way you hoped.

It was a memory you wished you could forget. The day you watched Padme grasp Anakin’s arm, pulling him into her room, late into the night. The way he looked at her, as if she was the only girl in the galaxy. She looked up at him with a sweet smile, warm and welcoming, he let her guide him to her bedroom. It was an accident really how you stumbled upon them, you had just finished your nightly routine of patrol. Of course the entire time your mind was lingering on Anakin, but when you stepped into that hallway everything changed. You left swiftly with no hesitation, your mind bursting in chaos, your feet carried you to your room. Your hands getting ready to pack your bags. You felt a thousand emotions, you felt betrayed, you thought maybe you were wrong. You wished you could go back and erase it all. You loved him and your heart hurt realizing that it could never be. You knew leaving the order was stupid, there were more pressing issues than your stupid emotions. But you had already dedicated most of your life to the cause. You were selfish with your emotions. You chose to leave anyway….

You figured no one would come looking for you, that you could get away so easily, and by the time they figured you were gone it would be too late. You grabbed your bag, slinging it over your shoulder. You knew the schedule of all the guards and both Anakin and Obi Wan’s. You knew by now that Anakin was still with Padme, he had the evening and night off. Obi Wan had retired to bed, but you knew he would be in the process of mediating. You slipped past the guards going through the back hallway, your movement quiet. You knew that you couldn’t take any of Naboo’s ships or your own which meant that you needed to travel into the outskirts. You found a speeder taking off into the city, traveling as far and as fast as you could go. You weren’t worried about anything other than getting off of this planet and away from Coruscant. Everything else will come later.

By morning Anakin had emerged from his bedroom, he was lucky he made it back in time before you or Obi Wan could notice he wasn’t in his room. His mind wandered back to Padme. The way she caressed his skin, touched him, the way he touched her kissed her…As he walked down the hallway towards the meeting area, Obi Wan was talking to a Nabooian guard, Captain Typho. Anakin squinted his eyes following Obi Wan’s hand, and in his hand was your distinguished sleek black hilt of a lightsaber and your Padawan braid. Obi Wan shook his head before turning away from Captain Typho. His eyes landed on Anakin’s, he sighed as he walks over to him, a heavy sadness echoed around him.

“ Master, what's wrong? Where is Y/N?”

“Anakin, Y/N never returned from her patrol last night. The ruminants left are her padawan braid and lightsaber. I am sorry” Obi Wan patted his shoulder, Anakin shook his head.

“ No then we must find out who took her!”

“ My young padawan, I’m afraid that’s not the case. It seems she’s left the Jedi order”

“She can’t leave, we still have our trials to finish, she can’t-“

“ But she has”

“ You’re wrong, she wouldn’t do that.” Anakin shakes his head, Padme who had been informed of the situation had walked over to offer her condolences.

“ Anakin, she made her choice, whatever reason it might’ve been, it was enough for her to doubt our practices. I am truly sorry, she was not just my padawan but my friend too” Obi Wan sighed again before turning away from his own padawan. Obi Wan could guess why you left, it was the same reason that he felt for Satine if she ever asked him to leave. Obi Wan was not blinded but he opted to remain out of personal affairs. Attachments always bring pain and heartbreak, it’s a hard lesson to learn when you’ve already crossed the threshold.

“Why would she leave, she would’ve told me if she planned to leave! We need to bring her back!” Anakin was in disbelief that you would just leave without so much of a goodbye. This wasn’t like you, to hide secrets from him, to hide your feelings from one another. The two of you were always good about that, and for you to just leave as if your friendship meant nothing. Padme placed a hand on Anakin’s arm, gently caressing it. Anakin subconsciously leaned into her touch hoping it might ease his pain that he felt, that ached in his chest and heart It only brought him momentarily relief. During the rest of the duration of the mission, he focused on his trials, if you were there you would’ve made sure he passed. Anakin carried your lightsaber and padawan braid with him. As a reminder of you, but when the pain became too much he went right back to Padme…

———-

It’s been a year and a half since you’ve left the order, you found yourself a home on Aurea in the city of Shakamm Crater. Aurea is known for many trades and skills, it was a planet of opportunity. Though the planet was mostly known for its glasswork. You however were lucky enough to work as an artisan providing basic needs on droid or ship maintenance. You wanted the least exposing job that you could do and matched whatever skills you’ve learned in the temple. With much ease the planet you picked was filled with millions of people, which brought a comfort to you, to know that you would never be found.

It was night fall by now, you had gotten home maybe an hour or two ago, a small humble two story abode that was yours. Your home has an open floor plan, you were lucky to live on the edge of the city, you got to overlook the area and the outskirts. The climate based on the tropics, the vibrant colors of the sea, land and sky ease your aching heart. You wore a tank top and shorts to cool your body down, a gentle breeze swept past your light curtain. You walked over pushing the cotton material to the side, you sat down on the window seat. You leaned your elbow onto the windowsill resting your chin in your hand. The moon's light streaming through your bedroom. You shut your eyes staying in the present moment fighting off your memories of the life you once lived.

—

A brief image of you sitting near a window flashes through Anakin’s mind. He places a hand on his forehead, his eyes shutting just for a moment or two. Rex turned to look at his General

“ Sir are you alright?”

“ Yeah I’m just fine Rex” He grumbled. This has been a recurrence since you’d left the order, day and night you were on his mind. The visions or memories were often unprovoked. They happened during meditation sessions, randomly when he’s calm and relaxed. Even when he slept his dreams were only of you. Anakin wasn’t sure why it was like this, you’ve been gone for so long, yet you’re everywhere. His mind tormented him everyday and not a single person could help him ease his pain. Not his padawan, his old Master, not even Padme.

“ Wherever we are, I hope this place has a repair shop and a fuel station.” Ahsoka says as the transport ship rocks aggressively.

“ We are near the planet Aurea, let’s land in Shakamm Crater, they should have a station nearby” Obi Wan says as he checks the scanners.

“ Great” Anakin replies as he pressed a few buttons on the control Panel, Ahsoka and Obi Wan do the same. Anakin nods his head towards Rex. Rex began to slow down the ship as it passed through its orbit and then through its atmosphere. The sun’s burning glow hit the planet signaling that it was daylight.

“There’s a station up ahead” Anakin points out as he helps Rex fly the ship closer, landing it on a dock. There lied an assortment of ships, workers and droids, sparks floated in the air, sounds of mechanical noise sounded off in various directions. Workers shouted at each other from opposite sides of the station. Once the ship was landed, Rex, Ahsoka, Obi Wan and Anakin exited the ship looking for a worker to speak to. Obi Wan and Anakin both decided that this was their task. To be honest the task was rather easy, a worker walked up to them wiping off the grease from their hands.

“ We need new power sources, at least a new wing engine, we need fuel” Anakin lists off.

“Uh that’s gonna take at least a week or two to fix, what did you do get attacked by pirates or something?” The worker tells him and his partner.

“ Never mind that, We will pay you handsomely to fix it in a few days” Obi Wan offers.

“ What do you got in mind” The worker and Obi Wan continued their conversation, Anakin however drifted off, his eyes wandering the surrounding area, scanning for anything suspicious or unusual. Though that wasn’t exactly entirely true, he felt something, something specific, something familiar. Anakin wasn’t certain, but he could’ve sworn he thought he felt a familiar presence. Anakin searches through the force anyways, he wanted to make sure what he thought he felt was a lie. So he presses further his force hoping from person to person until he felt it again. This time it was more like a tug, a pull, something was drawing him in. His eyes followed that invisible line, only to find across the way. Time seemed to have slowed down incredibly, Anakin sucked in a breath, his chest tightening.

There you were burning bright as a thousand suns, the energy in which the force depicted you as. Anakin was captivated by your beauty. Your hair placed in a style that kept it from falling in your face, you had worn a uniform jumpsuit that the sleeves were tied around your waist, exposing your tank top. You had grease and dirt smeared on your hands, arms, and a little on your neck and forehead. Even with that you were still gorgeous. You were concentrating on your work. You sat down with one leg folded and the other leg dangling off the wing of the ship. You took apart one area of the top of the wing for another ship a few paces away. A worker had walked over shouting something at you. Your once serious expression turns into a smile, your lips form words before your unmistakable laughter leaves them. Your friend nodded as they threw their hands up in a dramatic gesture. They must’ve shouted something back at you causing you to shake your head and mouth something back. They had waved goodbye to you before walking away. You shook your head hoping off the wing. You reached for your backpack, looking up as you did so. What you hadn’t expected was there to be eyes already on you.

Anakin inhaled a sharp breath as your eyes connected, an unforgettable bond between the two of you snapping into place. The force grows tugging on each end for the both of you to meet in the middle. Your breathing picks up, your heart lurches forward breaking into the last few surviving pieces you had left. You didn’t want to admit that after all this time you still loved him. That he still looked as handsome as the day you first met. You realized that he no longer had a padawan braid meaning he passed the trials. He had a gloved hand, and his hair grew a few inches longer since the last time you had seen him. A scar cut from the top of his eyebrow to his cheek, his blue eyes peering into your soul. You had heard stories about him, and as he stood before you his reputation preceded him. He was intense as he had always been, but the boyish energy stayed, you could see it behind his eyes. always seemed to find a way to peer into your soul…You cut off your thoughts noticing that Anakin took a step forward, you took a step back, with so much distance between you two, you weren’t going to risk anything. The trust you had once was gone, the love you still felt you shoved back into a box.

Your eyes quickly scanned the people around him, Obi Wan and Ahsoka inch closer calling out his name, but his eyes stayed trained on you. Obi Wan mouths something to him but he doesn’t listen and says nothing. Obi Wan's gaze follows Anakin’s, his eyes landing on yours, he mouths your name. The slow motion of the world comes to a halt, reality bending back into its original form, you break out into a run. Anakin shouts to stay with the ship to Obi Wan and Ahsoka. Somewhere in between he shouts your name “ Y/N?!” You ignore him as you book it across the station for the exit. You pushed through people slamming into them by accident shouting out a sorry every now and then. You tried to dodge and weave, breaking out a zig zag pattern hoping to lose them. You had seen a speeder sitting on the side of the road, not caring who it belonged to, you threw your stuff in the back, climbing in the driver's seat. Once you started it, you took off, Anakin barely making it outside enough to see you disappear. Anakin’s eyes searched for another speeder to get into and he does. Anakin was relentless, he refused to let you go, not this time.

As you reached your home you clumsily parked the speeder rushing to get inside. You needed to leave here immediately, there were three Jedi and only you. Of course the council would send them to find you. You left without saying a word, you left during a mission. Maybe they would put you on trial or exile you or even send you to prison for disappearing. Foolish thoughts but very realistic possibilities, you had no idea what the Jedi were capable of. All you knew was that you didn’t want to go back. You stormed through your home running to grab your go bag that you had already packed in case of emergencies. Your heart had completely fallen apart, you loved this planet, you loved the people you’ve become friends with. You loved the work you did, and the home you lived in. What you hated was how easy it was for it to be taken from you within an instant. Your feet bounded down the stairs, you didn’t have time to take one final look at your home. You barely got to the front door, before it opened. Anakin stepped through the door, forcing you to take steps back.

You put distance between the two of you. Anakin seemed to follow you anyways. You took another step back as he took another step forward. He was silent, his jaw tense and set, his eyebrows scrunched together. He should feel shocked and surprised and excited to see you, but that all disappeared when you ran away, again. Now he was hurt and angry. He tried to corner you but you were smarter than that, you made sure there was space all around you. Anakin fought the urge to smirk even with his anger, a slight tint of playfulness etched through him. Almost as if he had drifted back in time to the many training sessions the two of you shared. You knew each other like the back of your hands.

“ Why did you run?” He asks you. At first it was meant in the sense of the earlier situation but really deep down he asked why you ran away without a second thought.

“ What do you mean why did I run? You brought two other Jedi to the planet I call home! You can’t expect me not to run!” You retorted.

“ No, you know exactly what I’m asking you! You were once a Jedi, the temple was your home!”

“ It was once my home…but I was never a Jedi.” You could feel the sad aching feeling in your chest. You fought back whatever emotions you had harbored for your old life.

“You’re wrong, you were always meant to be a Jedi. We talked for hours about what our life would be like. When we had finished our trials. To be Jedi knights, to become masters. We were supposed to do this together.“

“ Anakin, those were false pretenses, false dreams that weren’t meant to come true..”

“ Why are you saying this?”

“ Because it’s the truth”

“ it’s not the truth and you know it”

“But it is Anakin”

“ You’re wrong, why did you really leave?”

“ I can’t…”

“You can’t?”

“ No”

“ Why?! Why won’t you tell me?!”

“ Just let it go!”

“ No, I just I need to know”

“ Anakin” You shook your head as tears filled your eyes. You tried to make yourself look like the bad guy, as if you weren’t meant for the life of a Jedi. Really you avoided speaking about the love you held for him, in fear that he may still every well be with Padme. In fear that maybe he might feel the same for you. In fear that even when this is all said and done you’d end up alone, either in a cell or in your own home. You fought hard, to keep the tears at bay, your walls were slipping, you were exhausted, your past finally catching up to you.

Anakin could sense the war within yourself, he was breaking through to you, but even as out of practice you were, your mind created a barrier around itself, keeping your thoughts hidden. Anakin wanted to reach out, to caress your skin, to pull you into his arms, watching you hold back your own tears was heart wrenching. He watched as a tear rolled down your cheek. Your eyebrows scrunched in anger as you wiped the silent tear away with your hand. You crossed your arms around yourself turning away from him. Anakin takes a gentle step towards you. What had gotten you so crushed and defeated that you had to run away.

“ Tell me,” He whispers, pleading for an answer.

Your eyebrows twist as you place a hand over your mouth, you are on the brink of a melt down. Everything is settling around you, the reality of the conversation weighing heavier by the second. The forces of presence surround the both of you, enhancing each other's emotions and senses. Anakin takes another step, placing a hand on your shoulder. Your body tenses, for a moment you felt it all, the comfort you found within one another. The friendship you both built together, the love and warmth, the support, all of it. Only for a moment did you fully remember who your best friend was, only for a moment you remember who you used to be. The tears flowed with out warning, you adjusted yourself so you could stepped out of his grasp, his touch burned. But your heart betrayed you, it yearned for the touch that meant to soothe you.

“ Y/N” he whispers to you, calling your name out more ways than one.

“ I saw you with Padme” You whispered, turning to look him in the eyes.

“ What”

“ You both looked so in love-” You smiled sadly as the tears slid down your cheeks staining them.

“ How did you-“

“ I was on patrol that night. I didn’t mean to walk down the hallway, but I wanted the extra time to myself…I was torn between being a Jedi and being in love with someone I shouldn’t have. Then there the two of you were, and the decision was clear. I couldn’t have both, I couldn’t be a Jedi and be in love. I couldn’t be in love and be a jedi. I couldn’t talk to anyone, and if I did I would’ve been expelled or worse…So I left as quickly as I could” You sighed, whipped your cheeks, you shook your head as you looked at the floor. You could see the confusion flash on Anakin’s face. Anakin must admit it was a little bit easier to understand being in love, but now Anakin couldn’t grasp in his mind that you would be interested in anyone.

“ Who was it”

“ Who was what?” You sniffled your tears slowing down.

“ Who were you in love with?”

“ It doesn’t matter, because he doesn’t love me” You shrug, offering him another sorrowful smile.

“How do you know?”

“ Because I already told you I saw him with someone.”

“ You-you love me?” He takes a step towards you. Disbelief ripped through his chest, there was no way that you could be in love with him-You saw him with Padme, he caused you pain. Here you were crying your beautiful heart out, your tears filled with the unprofessed love trapped within you. You held onto it for so long choosing to remain silent. Anakin, blinded by the Angel he’d seen on Tatooine, forget his best friend’s existence. You were there for as long as Anakin could remember. You gave him advice, you went along with his stupid yet ridiculously complicated plans that always seemed to work out in the end. You faced obstacles together, you were his support, and all that time you had fallen in love with him, while he became infatuated with the thought of an older woman, distracting himself from the possibilities of being with you. He failed to realize that you yourself were the guardian Angel sent to him not Padme. He was just blind by his own ambitions to see it.

You sighed as you caught on to the way Anakin internally blamed himself. You knew he was going over every thought, every moment, over analyzing where he went wrong. Yet here you were again, soothing his pain as you had as always done. “ It’s not your fault, I told you-it was my choice, my path-you had nothing to do with it-“

“ I told you it wasn’t just your decision.” It was different now, the year and a half you were gone gave him enough time to understand the reality of the situation. He took you for granted and he hated that. He knew deep down that he had always loved you. He just needed you to leave him to understand it. He took your face into his hands caressing your cheeks, his forehead leaning down to touch yours. There was a pull in the force that went unnoticed by the both of you, there was a magnetic pull, as if two puzzle pieces shifted into place.

He shakes his head, shutting his own eyes, the warmth of your skin against his flesh had driven him insane. The electricity that followed between the two of you was undeniable. What he had with Padme was nothing compared to what he felt right in this moment. He instead crashes his lips onto yours, the kiss becoming intensely passionate. At the same time the force finally found itself joining together binding itself to one another. Almost as if the two finally had molded into one. The once friendship bonding into a love that is bound together not just by them but through the force as if they were truly meant to be…The need for air pushed to the back of Anakin’s mind. Forget it he didn’t need it even if his lungs screamed at him. All he wanted was you to be around you. You however wanted to relish in the kiss but you couldn’t for too long, your mind wandered to Padme and how wrong this situation was. You pulled away in fact needing some air to breathe anyways, Anakin’s lips chasing yours.

“ Wait- wait -wait” You say breathlessly.

“ No, I can’t wait anymore” Anakin chases your lips again but you place your hands on his chest pushing him away, moving out of his hold. You take a few steps back.

“ We can’t ”

“Why not?”

“ Because you’re a Jedi and you’re in love with Padme.”

“ I’m not with her anymore, I broke it off with her when I realized there was nothing between her and I. I didn’t love her the way I love you”

You shook your head placing a hand on your forehead. “Ani..” you sighed again. His heart and chest burst with joy, he hadn’t heard that nickname in a long time, he wanted to hear you say it again.

“No, I lost you once and I don’t intend on losing you again. I can’t see myself living without you, if I did I’d be in agony all the time as I once was. Being a Jedi has nothing to do with the way I feel about you. Forbidden or not you’re the one I want to be with.“ Anakin whispers to you as he takes a step towards you. You crossed your arms over your body, watching his every step, holding your own breath.

“ You’d be willing to keep us a secret?” You asked

“ Yes if it means I get to be with you”

“ You know they’ll check the logs on your fighter to see where you’ve been-“

“Y/N, You’re not changing my mind” Anakin pries your arms from your body using it as leverage to pull you closer. You somewhat hesitate but he pulled you anyway. You had to internally admit it felt good to be in his arms, and the way your body began to relax gave that away. Anakin smirks as he looks down at you, your eyes wandering around his frame, your hands finding a place to rest themselves, your hands glide over his arms and shoulders before resting them around his neck. You felt comfortable there. Anakin rested his own arms around your hips and waist, his large hand moving to the small of your back to push you impossibly closer. Anakin leaned downward towards your neck and shoulders pulling you in a right embrace. He inhaled your scent, and hummed as he exhaled. You were his comfort place, you were his home, he could finally breathe, his own body melting into yours. You carted your fingers through his golden hair.

“ You win” You huffed, Anakin chuckled and squished you even tighter, he just needed to hold you for a little longer. Anakin finally pulled away looking at you, another need flowed through him and somewhere else. He took your hand guiding you to your bedroom. “ Ani I stink, I think we should wait-“

“ I already told you I can’t wait”

“ What if Obi Wan finds my home and you in it, then what?”

“ We’ll be quick. I promise.”

“ Maybe I don’t want it to be quick”

“ So then I’ll take it slow”

“ Ani you can’t”

“ Y/N, I can”

“ Cant”

“ Can”

“ Cant”

“ I can too!”

“ No you cant”

“ You don’t know what I’m capable of” He retorts.

“ Oh please” You rolled your eyes. “You’re not even scary”

“ Wanna bet?” The banter between the two of you felt welcoming and genuine. It seems you’d missed more than just the teasing. Anakin pulls you into your room not giving you a chance to reply, you guide you towards your bed. You let him, his gaze becomes darker, you shake your head answering his question from earlier. For a moment you were going to give in, but then you shoved your hand into Anakin’s face pushing him away playfully.

“Nope, see not scary” You smiled, your moment interrupted by a knock downstairs. Anakin pleaded with you silently to stay. You smirked walking away, but not before he smacked your ass. You turned and glared at him to which he held a flirtatious smile of his own. The two of you had some explaining to do, with Obi Wan, Ahsoka and Rex waiting outside. Once you opened the door with Anakin directly behind you, you were welcomed with warm smiles, ones you’d had seen in a while. This was a dream, for you, you welcomed everyone into your home. You looked at Anakin one last time as he reached for your hand pulling you into him as the two of you walked towards the others. Who cares what the Jedi say, love is love, forbidden attachments are stupid as one might say. Right now everyone in that room doesn’t seem to mind, they all held genuine grins on their faces.

“ Master, won’t you introduce us?” Ahsoka asks.

“ Master?” Your eyebrows raise humor behind your eyes and smile.

“ What? I’m a master” He says smugly, you burst into laughter Obi Wan shaking his head at his once former padawans.

“ Y/N” Obi Wan warns. Ahsoka and Rex find the moment endearing, Anakin had met his match and they were here for it.

“ What, Okay you’re right I’m sorry” You waved your hand dismissing your behavior, clearing your throat. Anakin pinched your arm, to which you slapped away. Rex couldn’t contain his own laughter, and then the introduction, and recapping began. You offered your home and tea for the group, everyone could relax for a few hours. Sometimes we go through trials and tribulations to find tranquility…You guess you could say that you both found that today.

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lost-inthe-v0id · 3 months ago

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Anakin Skywalker x Reader: Forbidden Attachments PT 1..

Prompt: A time between the Clone Wars on the verge of beginning and then end of Padawan ages. Y/N is in love with Anakin, but his heart seems to belong to someone else. Senator Padme. One thing a Jedi cannot do, is the one thing that sets her free…Her life takes a turn resulting in her starting over, finding a new life on a different planet. Only a few years later does an unexpected visit rehash old feelings.

*Glimpses of Obi Wan, Ahsoka, Rex.

A/N: I had an anon reach out an ask for a part 2, then I read this one so I could get in the mood lmaooo. THEN I realized I NEEDED to rewrite part 1 again.....soooo I did! Ummm please enjoy!

Part 2 is ON THE WAY!!!!🫶🏽

My REQUESTS are OPEN!!!! 😌

———————————————————-

The day you left the order was the hardest decision you’ve ever made. It wasn’t because of false accusations or because you believed that the sith could help you achieve goals the Jedi couldn’t. No it was one specific rule, one specific code. Attachments are Forbidden. Love was forbidden and you were in love with Anakin, your best friend. It wasn't his fault, you couldn’t blame him for being himself. You couldn’t exactly blame the code either, it was a rule you needed to abide by. However, it hadn’t stopped the pain that coursed through your body, your heart, and your mind. You knew the reality of the situation, you knew there wasn’t an easy way to go about this, to work through this. The love that you craved was immense, you felt drawn to him, yet you knew the truth, he could never care for you the way you hoped.

But that was a lie.

He could care in the way you yearned for, only it wasn’t you he wanted. The memory was fresh, as if it had happened yesterday, how could you forget? You were beginning your rounds of patrol, it was your turn that night. Obi Wan usually took the first shift leaving room for him to meditate when he can. Anakin took the second shift to avoid ruining his sleeping schedule, to soak in the last remaining source of the sun. You took the last shift because you had always taken the shifts or the jobs nobody wanted. You hadn’t minded, you enjoyed the peace and the quiet that came with it.

Only it was that night that you had regretted it. Per usual you had wandered down the halls, your gaze landing on every corner, crevice, window, walls, doors, rooms. You had continuously minding your thoughts to yourself, even then as you walked, you couldn’t help it. Work seemed to find itself placed on the back burner as you drifted in and out of wants and desires. You reprimanded yourself repeatedly as you tried to embed the code as far deep into your soul as possible…But it all came to an end. You had reached her corridor, looking further into the hall even within the dim lighting, it was as clear as day. Your heart shattered.

It’s pathetic how well you remembered the way Padme grasped Anakin’s arm. The way she pulled him into her room, so late into the evening as it neared the middle of the night. The way he looked at her, his eyes wandering her features, he took her in as though she were the only woman in the galaxy. Her lashes flutter as her gaze locks onto his, her smile sweet, warm, and welcoming. It was an open invitation, as she guided him into the heated space of her bedroom. He followed her with such ease, he practically melted in front of her, his thoughts no longer his own echoing into an abyss that was only heard by you.

Your mind and body are no longer connected, your feet moving backward, retracing your steps. They guided you towards your bedroom, forgetting the fact that you still had hours left of your duty. Your mind and your heart collided for the second time, only it wasn’t pleasant as it once was, time it was painful. The yearning, the wanting, the day dreaming the milliseconds of when you touched or when you locked eyes or when you spoke truths to each other-it had all but ceased. It crumbled apart right before your eyes. You felt betrayed, you felt envious, you felt delusional, you felt wrong, you felt guilty. But you were thankful, you were thankful he hadn’t noticed you were thankful that you could escape knowing now that he would never love you the way he had Padme.

This was your time. It was selfish you know, and you realized that your life’s work depended on this decision. You were selfish with it all, the Jedi were never meant to be that way. They were meant to be selfless and giving, protectors, you were none of those things, at least not in the eyes of the Jedi. You had devoted all your life to the cause of the war, the battles that you won, the battles that you’ve lost, the lives that you’ve saved and the lives you lost all for what? You were tormented in every aspect of your life and this was the final straw. You have given all of it up, it was pathetic, and it was stupid indeed, but deep down you had already craved a simple life. So you made the decision to leave and there was no one to stop you. The moment opportune.

You had a plan, you knew the routine schedule of the Nabooian security forces. You knew where your beloved Master and friend.. would be, it was just too easy. You had known that taking your own ship, or a Nabooian ship would alert everyone of your disappearance. It was easier to slip out taking one of the speeders you found as you travel by foot for the first few miles. From there it was a cake walk allowing you to take off without so much of a trace. It was a success, to say the least, by now it would be too late. Dawn was nearing, you had already passed the inner city, the port and onto the cargo ship. With your bag slung over your shoulder as you walk along the corridor, the vessel makes its great escape as it exits the atmosphere.

You knew that you wouldn’t be returning to Coruscant, you knew how devastated Anakin would be. As any concerned friend would be… Obi Wan would be there to deliver the loss, while Padme would take the chance to ease his pain in every way possible. You couldn’t stay in Naboo or to return home to the Jedi temple on Coruscant. You couldn’t bear the pain that came from watching someone else fall in love with someone else that wasn’t you. Nor could you ignore the feelings that bubbled beneath your skin, the life of Jedi was taking its toll and for once this decision hadn’t felt wrong. You felt a slight relief, this was a good thing, you were going to start a new life, one that you craved. You were going to be free of all the madness in your life…

It had been close to two years now, you had found yourself a home on Aurea, in the city of Shakamm Crater. A vast planet filled with forests, oceans, sands, a tropical climate, a beautiful home, it was better than all the metal structures you were used to. The planet itself practically ran on so many various forms of trades, and skills, artisans of all kinds. It was easy to find a low maintenance job, one that allowed you to keep a low profile and keep an eye on potential exposing threats. You were lucky in the fact that there were millions of people that resided here. That alone brought comfort to you with an extra padding of protection. You knew that the Jedi would never check the core worlds, only the outer rim held their focus.

It had reached nightfall by now, you had gotten home maybe an hour or two ago, a small humble abode in the middle of an open field nearest the ocean and forest. You sought out a home that allowed you to live at the edge of the city, the area brought a deep comfort reminding you of some of the gardens you once walked through at the temple. Your home was open, your floor plan wide, everything within sight, except of course your bedroom and bathroom. It was exactly the space you needed and nothing more and nothing less. A breeze had swept past the cotton material of your curtain. You had wandered over to it, wrapping the cloth together and pinning it to the side. A late night indeed. The breeze was cooler in the middle of the night, the stars amongst the galaxy calling to you. You take a seat near the windowsill, your chin tucked into your hand. Your hair wet from the previous shower you had taken, your large tunic and shorts, loose against your body. The moons at its highest peak, a steady stream of light pouring in. You take a moment shutting your eyes, as you battle the memories of your past that threaten to consume you.

———-

A specific image of you sitting in a home, you in your natural state, your hair in its unruliness, a sight he hasn’t seen in a few years…This version of you was placed near a window overlooking a view, one that he couldn’t see. One that the force wouldn’t allow him to see. Oh how you haunted him in every aspect of his waking life, odd moments, during meditations, and even in his slumber. When he was the most relaxed he received these visions. What had he expected carrying your trophies around as if they were a part of him. He places a hand on his forehead, a headache beginning to form behind his eyes, he shuts them for just a brief moment or two to relieve the pain but nothing comes of it.

Rex, his loyal captain, his friend, turned to look at his General “Sir are you alright?” Anakin knew the reason he was asking, the two in the past have shared their horrific memories, bonding in a way that allows him to feel safe with trust. The many sleepless nights, the days spent in triggering environments, forcing old and new memories to collide..

“Yeah I’m just fine Rex” He grumbled, not in the mood to respond to his question in further detail. This was exhausting him, driving him into a silent madness. He knew Rex knew better than to push the situation, so he hadn’t. For that Anakin was grateful for, at this time he had no energy left to give. Anakin wasn’t sure why it was like this, this…recurrence of you. You were everywhere and in everything. His mind was tormented and not a single person could help him ease his pain. Not his padawan, his old Master, not even Padme.

“Master I can’t keep fixing this power core, I need a new one and the fuel tank is running low-” Ahsoka shouts from the back of the ship, Anakin heaved a sigh as she drags herself back into the cockpit. Ahsoka, with each passing day was beginning to remind Anakin of himself. Her attitude, her knowledge that she gained, her skills growing, Rex refrains from chuckling as Ahsoka stops in her tracks “-Where are we?”

Obi Wan only shakes his eye as his locks onto a set of coordinates before looking out towards the massive planet. “I believe we’re headed for Planet Aurea, I hear Shakamm Crater has a docking station. Fuel and maintenance might be a bargain.” Obi Wan says as he checks the scanners. There were two engine malfunctions and the fuel tank ran dangerously low.

“Great, let's hope the repair won’t cost a fortune.” Anakin replies as he pressed a few control keys before pulling back on the yoke, he nods his head towards Rex. With extra support Rex began to slow down the ship as it passed through its orbit and through its atmosphere. The sun’s burning glow hit the planet signaling that it was daylight.

“There’s the station” Ahsoka points out as Anakin helps Rex fly the ship closer, landing it on a dock. The group opens up the hatch as they exit the craft taking in the scenery before them. There lay an assortment of ships, workers, and droids. Sparks floated about the air as equipment mold, cut seal and from pieces of metal. In all directions various sounds filled the station, rumblings of engines, motors, workers, customers and droids shouting amongst each other. It was easy to get side tracked if no one knew where to look or what to do. Ahsoka and Rex were slightly captivated by this environment, there was an energy about it, the openness, the invitation of it all.

Obi Wan and Anakin had a set routine, and while Ahsoka may be learning, it came with instinct the way the two immediately went searching for a mechanic. Time was of the essence and with a quickness, Anakin and Obi Wan spotted a mechanic, who happened to have been wiping the grease from his hands and fingers, and exasperated sigh leaving his lips. “What can I do for you?”

“We need fuel, a new power core and a new engine, oh and our left wing needs some attention. We need it done by tomorrow. ” Anakin states as he crosses his arms, Obi Wan already in the same stance.

The worker glares at him, frustration clearly evident. “Tomorrow? I at least need a few days to get the parts- What’d you do? Fight some pirates or something”

“Now why would we tell you that?” Anakin’s voice clips. Obi Wan takes notice choosing to remain silent until he feels he needs to step in…which he could only assume won’t be long.

“Look, you won’t find a better worker than me around here-” The worker taking a step forward causing Anakin to raise a slight eyebrow.

“Never mind that, We will pay you handsomely to fix it in a few days” Obi Wan offers as he takes a step forward between them.

The worker shifts his angered gaze from Anakin’s and towards Obi Wans. “ What’d you have in mind?” Obi Wan slips to the side pulling the attention of the worker allowing them to separate from his padawan. Anakin rolls his eyes keeping his shoulders square, arms tightly crossed as he scanned the area. The smell of burning metal brought a comfort to him, a warm comfort at that. For a moment it allowed him to relax, to find peace, it was only then did he realize what he’d done. A tug pulls at his chest, a familiar one at that. The bond that Anakin had with the force was immense and strong. His intuition, his instincts were usually never wrong.

He takes this as a cue, one from the force that suggested he dive deeper. Again a harsher pull, that caused his heart to leap, his eyes searching, as his feet began to guide him. For a brief second his heart stopped, as the pull so great caused him to freeze. There it was, that essence, it drew him in further, his head shifted slightly to the side. It was right there, the thing that called to him through the force if only he could just-His eyes follow an invisible line over his shoulder, time seemed to have ceased in its very existence. His chest tightens, his breath trapped within his throat, there a sight for sore eyes, was you, the very person he dreamt of.

There you were burning brighter than a thousand suns, your skin glowing. You swiped the back of your hand onto your forehead, pushing at the loose hair to the sides and out of your eyes. The grease on your hands smeared a tiny bit into your forehead. You had worn a uniform jumpsuit that the sleeves were tied around your waist, exposing your short sleeve shirt. More grease and dirt stained the skin of your arms and neck. You were captivating, breathtaking, Anakin was sure he was forgetting to breathe.

You were in a position of concentration, you had been sitting criss crossed on the nose of a ship. You had been working on the droid that had been trapped in its place. It beeped at you causing you to shake your head allowing you to loosen it up just a tad. You were only a mere few paces away and yet he could see you clear as day. Anakin hadn’t missed the way your smile had broken its seriousness. A coworker of yours had wandered over to you, saying something that naturally let your beautiful laughter escape. You had quickly turned your attention allowing the small robotic creature to jump out of its pocket landing next to its owner. Your friend who shouts something at you causing you to wave them off.

They cackled loudly and waited till you hopped down from the nose of the ship. You smiled and spoke, shaking your head. You reached into your backpack that you had now slung over your shoulder, you pulled out something small. He wasn’t able to make out what it was but by the looks of it your friend was happy. The two of you waving goodbye to one another only to catch the eyes of Anakin in the process. The force had a funny way of bringing the ones you know and love back into your life. It was then you froze, your heart thumped with everything it had. Your chest squeezing, the air from your lungs evaporating. It felt as though no time had passed, the way you two connected, a strong cord securing its hold, it pulled you both in. For a moment you remember it all, the love, the pain, the comfort, anger, the happiness, every bit of emotion there was to feel.. all brought up from the past..

You didn’t want to admit that after all this time you still loved him. That he still looked as handsome as the day you first met. He no longer had a padawan braid signifying that he passed the trials. Both hands were protected by gloves, only one was more textured than the other. His hair grew a few inches longer than the last time you saw him. A scar cutting through the top of his eyebrow and down to his cheek, his piercing blue eyes, locked with yours. You’d heard stories about him, most of which were his heroic deeds, his cunningness and his ability to chaotically strategize. A poster boy for the republic for the Jedi. Then there were other stories that suggested a dark version of him, one only smugglers and bounty hunters speak of. His reputation preceded him, in more ways than one.

Anakin held an intensity about him, always falling into depth, on each end of the scale never in between. To match his intensity a boyish nature flickers behind his eyes. A way to keep relief from all the chaos and suffering of the war. Still even now he found ways to peer into your soul to keep you trapped beneath his gaze. A trace so heavily captivating it was hard to break-but you had too. With two blinks, you took a step back, your thoughts finally catching up to your body. There was a decent amount of space between you, even then your mind began to calculate its time and an exit plan. He may have a hold over you but, maker forbid, that he brings you back to the Jedi. You weren’t going to risk it, not this time. No matter how deep your bond ran, or how much you used to love him.

Obi Wan comes into view, placing a hand on his shoulder. Two more people who you had not recognized joined him on the opposite side. It had taken you mere seconds to recognize that young togurta is a force wielder. You didn't need to look for the lightsabers. The man behind her was a clone easily distinguished by the many rogue clones you had encountered along the way. Obi mouths your name in question, the young padawans gaze follows theirs towards your direction, realization flashes across her features. Reality bends back into its original form, the opportunity arises as you break out into a run. Anakin took his only chance to go after you, he shouts at Obi Wan to stay with the ship, Ahsoka and Rex both protesting, wanting to follow him. However, Obi Wan knew better than to interfere.

You’re faster than Anakin remembered, usually he’d out run you but this time you were out running him. Somewhere in the space between the crowd and the exit, he shouts your name, calling for you. You ignored him against every fiber of your being. Your feet carried you through the sea of people, your body slamming into every other person you came across. You hadn’t even had the chance to mutter an apology. You had created a pattern, one that you ingrained into your mind for a day like this. You zig zagged through the crowd creating confusion as you ran for the threshold. You reached the edge of door heading for the platform. You see your speeder in sight tossing your bag in the passenger as you threw yourself into the front seat. Your hands worked quickly struggling to get the speeder started.

Your eyes flickering up briefly to notice Anakin had come to a slow jog outside of the station. You curse under your breath as you tried the system again it created an unsettling sound fear building up in your chest. “C’mon c’mon c’mon” you groaned as you kept trying. Anakin catches your eyes, his feet carrying him towards you, a roar of the speeder signaling that its alive. You had no room for hesitation, your foot slamming down kicking the vehicle into gear. Anakin swears as his eyes scan the area for a speeder to hijack. What could only be described as force luck, he finds one, quickly igniting it, placing it into gear as he chases after. He’ll be damned if he lets you get away one more time. Hes relentless, at the upmost level, he’s refusal significantly stronger. He will not let you get away, that’s not an option. He’s relentless, his refusal at a it’s maximum level. He just needed to see you, to grab a hold of you and throttle you for leaving him when you did. To wrap his arms around you to tell you that he missed you. You weren’t getting away this time.

———

As you reached your home you clumsily parked the speeder, the plants and grass swayed with the motion of the wind. You rushed into your home, heading for your room. Underneath the floor boards you buried an emergency bag. You knew a day like this would come, the Jedi would be searching for you. They’d sent three Jedi and a clone to prove that to you, and they weren’t just any Jedi. Maker only knows of their plans, what they might do to you. Force you to stand trial as a criminal, give you a life sentence for crimes that you’d never committed? Or would they exile you as if you hadn’t already done that yourself? What brand had they placed onto your name? Foolish thoughts but the possibilities could easily become your reality. You knew the Jedi were capable of anything as long as they felt it benefited a cause. All you knew was that you weren’t willing to go back.

Your heart completely shattered, its pieces broken, the one that were already mended, destroyed. You loved the home you built yourself, you loved the people you’ve worked with and come to know. They had became your friends welcoming you into their families. This planet was your home. For it to be stripped from you angered you, it upset you. The life you’ve always wanted was taken away from you. You’d assumed it was because of your selfishness of leaving those in need was the cause of this moment. You blamed yourself but you didn’t have the time to cry. Your feet moved before your mind did, slugging the bag over your shoulder you didn’t have the time to take a glance around to say goodbye. You were already out of the door, running towards your speeder getting ready to throw your bag back into only to stop in your tracks.

Your were stuck halfway between your door and speeder, Anakin blocking your path. The dirt and gravel shifting underneath your boots. Your legs threaten to break out into another run, Anakin tilts his head slightly. He was ready for the chase, and he’d do anything to stop, you both knew that much. Neither one of you chose to speak opting for silence your eyes locked onto one another. Anakin’s jaw tense and set, his brows knitted together. He knows what he should feel what he did feel, shock, happiness, relief, comfort, but it all vanished when you decided to run, again. Now he only felt hurt and anger, confusion, but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t get the answers he deserves.

You knew Anakin wasn’t going to let you leave, with his body in the way, of your speeder, trying to match him in combat seemed like a good idea…Only you knew how dangerous it could get, how his emotions controlled his every step, his every action-not the Jedi way. You were no Jedi. Anakin lifted his chin up, as if to dare you to make the move. A challenge, one he used to do when the two of you sparred as Padawans. The twinkle behind his eyes, even in his seriousness, a playfulness dances there. A familiar game with a familiar ending. You were smart enough to know to leave as much space as possible. Anakin fought the urge to smirk, he had you exactly where he wanted, and he knew you knew that. Time ceased to exist, the two of you knowing each other like the back of your hands.

Your chest heaving as you threw your bag down onto the ground. Fine. He wasn’t going down without a fight neither were you. You sure as hell weren’t going to make this arrest very easy for him either. You quickly side stepped to the opposite side of your bag as if you were going to run. The faux step caused Anakin to stumble as he lunged for you. You dodged to the side running to grab your bag heading for your speeder. Anakin lifts his hand force pushing to the side away from your speeder and into the grass for a soft landing. You groaned in frustration. Anakin’s heavy boots charging for you. You push yourself up barely the ground sticking your leg sweeping his out from under him. It almost made you giggle how well you could still trick him. Only in this situation it wasn’t as humorous.

Anakin was quick to recover you barely noticing as his arms looped around your body. His faced tucked into the crook of your neck, one arm securely across your chest gripping your shoulders with one hand tucked to your chin. The other tightly wrapped around your midsection securing your other arm in place. Your body almost immediately melting into his hold, tears forming at the brims of your eyes. The comfort of him overwhelming you, a move he used to use on you to disarm you. You were always prepared for it but this time-it was difficult. A straggled scream into groan hiss out of your clenched teeth.

“Y/N?” He whispers, his lips gently brushing against your skin, goosebumps rise as his breath caresses it.

You shook your head “No..” the tears threatening to spill, both of your chests rising and falling heavily. All this running, it was exhausting, and the pain that course through you both. Somehow the force connected you both, the way you formed together, molded each other as if you were made-No-you couldn’t think this way-You stepped on his foot, forcing him to release some of his hold, you slipped your wrist out of his hold on your midsection, you twisted sideways placing your hand on his abdomin force pushing him away from you. Anakin flew back landing back into the ground. Your feet running you in the direction of the speeder.

From the time you got to the speeder, and by the time Anakin and caught up to you, he yells loud enough to have you stop in your tracks. “DONT YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT GETTING INTO THAT SPEEDER!”

“Or what? Huh? You plan on having Obi Wan and his padawan come after me? Have the clone take me out with stun gun? I WONT GO BACK!” You argued turning on your heel, you could see the fury that burned with him as his heavy boot marched towards you.

“You left the temple all on your own! Why?” He asks no trace of malice, only anger and pain.. Deep down Anakin knew why he asked you this question, one of which he needed to know why you’d left him there alone on Naboo, to return to the trials without you by his side. Two why had you chosen to run at the sight of his presence? What had he done to make you hate him so much?

Fear etched its way through your veins, was this all part of his plan? To get you to confess all your sins, the reason you believed were more than enough to vanish from the jedis teachings. Was this his ploy to have you weak and broken to take you back to the Jedi temple, to have you stand trial exposed and then imprisoned, or be exiled, to waste away alone.. “I won’t play into your games, Anakin. There’s nothing to say!” You retorted, your own eyebrows scrunching together in anger, though a sorrow hides in the depths of your eyes.

“The Jedi was once your home, your people! Obi Wan and I were your family! You abandoned them, you abandoned us, you adandoned me!” You could see his hurt behind his eyes, the way they threatened to tear. You could see how much your absence has affected him, tormented him. It was never your intention but even now you vowed to keep him at arms length even if that meant the ones you called family take you back to prison you escaped from.

“It was once my home..I did care for all of you-some more than others..but I was never a Jedi.” Your voice carried as it shifted from loud to a softened tone. Hidden within a meaning that Anakin recognized. To feel displaced in your own home, in your own way of living was exhausting, for some they find a peace within.

“We talked for hours about what our lives would look like. The ways of the force, the Jedi the knights we wished to become, the masters we were encouraged to embody! We were supposed to do this together!” You'd known that the Jedi was never going to be more than what it was. Anakin still had hope, how that it would change, hope that he’d gain all the knowledge and power in the galaxy.

“It was nothing but false pretenses, false dreams that weren’t meant to come true, Anakin” The way you had said his name, made his heart lurch forward. Even with all this anger the need for you to say it again at an all time high. You had managed to convince yourself of the insignificance of the dreams you’ve shared, shattering them to pieces. To him it meant that all of it meant nothing to you, that you couldn’t care in the way he once believed you did. Even that felt wrong.

“The Jedi are nothing like the Sith. How could you compare them? You and I both know what the Jedi truly are”

“The truth is that neither Jedi or Sith are correct in their teachings. Their minds vexed by their own ignorance.”

“Is that why you ran?” He questions, he’d noticed a small connection in your words, a slow realization of what it was you were implying. Anakin needed confirmation, something tangible, but even then he wasn’t sure if he truly understood the situation.

“It’s none of your business why I ran” Your heart thrummed in a pace that felt as if it might fly out of your chest and land right into the palms of his hands. You refused to allow him any information, if he’d chosen to take you in to custody, even then you wouldn’t give up your pain, your emotions, that was the Jedi trained in you. To restraint to prevent to protect the parts of you the galaxy wasn’t allowed to see.

“As a Jedi Knight, I have every right to ask you this question. You will answer it” He demanded.

“You have no power over me. I am not yours to order around. I will do no such thing.”

“You will tell me”

“No”

“What has you so afraid that you can’t even explain yourself?” You hadn’t noticed the way he shifted closer to you, the way his scent filled your nose amongst the fresh breeze. It was intoxicating your senses. You shook your head trying to clear him from your over crowded thoughts, regaining your control you were beginning to loose. As out of practice as you were in controlling your emotions you knew Anakin could sense what you were feeling. The fighting was beginning to take its toll.

“I am not afraid” You say through gritted teeth.

“Then tell me why you’d left me.” His voice softens, the aggression leaving him completely, the two of you beginning to wear down from the tension, all time high of emotions that rampaged through you both.

“I can’t” Your eyes flicker between his. You fought the tears that risked falling. Your teeth remain gritted as your jaw sets. You could feel the exhaustion building within yourself. You were tired from all of this pain and torment. You had tried to make yourself look cruel, evil, an enemy that belonged in a prison. That the Jedi wasn’t your home but you weren’t good enough for the Sith either. You made yourself look like a runner with a need to work for hire. A possible bounty hunter if you truly wanted. You hadn’t, you’d become a mechanic who helped anyone that came through the station good or bad. Jedi life was never truly meant for you. Your emotions are always running at an all time high, the natural way of life which you craved, it made you vulnerable…The Jedi could’ve prosecuted you for it.

That was only part of the reason, Padme was only a trigger for you. She was everything you wanted to be and more. To do as she pleases, to live as free and unrestricted as possible. The ability she had to help those in need while remaining true to herself and her cause. She’s able to keep her head on her shoulders while rule with logic and emotion. All the things you wished you could’ve done or still do. You supposed that’s why Anakin loved Padme. She was everything he wanted to be and more. She could give him things that you couldn’t, not then and certainly not now. Anakin could sense the war within yourself, the push and pull within the force evident and clear. With that came the barrier you built around yourself, he knew you all too well. You’d kept your secrets hidden, but your force signature called to his begging and pleading for help.

Two single tears roll down your cheeks staining them along the way. Anakin had half a mind to reach out and swipe them away. Your suffering was more than what he’d imagined. Your brows scrunched together again in anger as you aggressively wiped the tears from your cheeks. You crossed your arms, your body tense and tight, it practically locked itself in place. Anakin had come close enough to you that if he truly wanted he could grasp your hand and pull you into him. The two of you lost in the moment. “Tell me,” He whispers, pleading for an answer.

“ If you’re not here to take me back to the temple then leave” You jutted your chin towards the road.

“I won’t leave you again, Y/N not this time.” he whispers to you, the sound of your name brings you back in time. All of your old memories collide into one another. He calls back to you, to who you were, who you both were. He calls into the force for guidance as its presence builds upon it. You are reminded of your friendship you’d built together. The love, the warmth, the comfort, the support, all of it. His hand extends outward grasping into your hand that had wiped away your tears. He hadn’t hesitated, he hadn’t given himself the opportunity. There it was again, the emotions that plagued you came crawling back. His skin gilded against yours, the slightly tug, bringing you as close as possible to him. The tears flowed without warning, you shook your head, eyes cast downwards, as you attempted to pull yourself out of his grasp. His touch burned in a way that your heart craved. Everything about your internal body betrayed you, even your thoughts became clouded.

“You’re wrong…I-I saw you with Padme” You whispered, your gaze flickering up to meet his. In your clouded state of mind you knew the truth. He would leave you again and you would be in the same position you are now.

“ What?”

“You both looked so in love.” You shrugged, your body losing all its energy. Your lashes flutter with wetness by the tears you’d shed.

“ How did you-” His expression turned to confusion. He’d checked the hall that night. Taking every precaution there was to make sure that their evening had been left uninterrupted…It seems that part of the plan went accordingly but what he hadn’t considered was you. The possibility of you catching him in the act..

“It was an accident, really I mean, to think that I could’ve been able to escape my own torment even while on duty-” You shook your head, a painful laugh escaped your lips. “-I was doing my usual routine check and yet, I found myself torn between becoming the jedi I was meant to be, or to be in love with someone I couldn’t have… In the galaxy we live in, the decision had been made for me…I realized I couldn’t be in love and be a Jedi. I would’ve broken one rule out of the order. To risk expulsion or prison, a lifetime sentence alone locked in a cell or trapped on a deserted planet seemed extreme…so I left.”

Anakin found it hard to believe that you had found someone to love let alone a Jedi at that. A part of him was angry, that’s you had chosen someone else, though another part of him understood. With Padme he’d learned what puppy love meant, but from the looks of it, the love you’d experienced was far greater than his. He knew as time went on, as your disappearance loomed over him, he’d learned that his love wasn’t as strong as it should’ve been.. Love no matter how big or small it was blinding. “Who was it?”

“Who was what?” You sniffled your tears slowing down, your hands vigorously wiping at your eyes.

“Who were you in love with?”

“Maker,” You groaned, you took a breath “-It doesn’t matter because he doesn’t love me.” You shrug, offering him a sorrowful, empty smile.

“How do you know?”

You looked at him ridiculously, had the conversation blown past his head? “Anakin, I said he’s with someone else” You clarified.

“I know about that but I still don’t understand-��His eyebrows scrunch as his gaze fixes on the floor, a hand slightly dismissing what you already stated. Only then did he stop in his tracks, it clicked. You’d said the man you loved was with someone else, he had been with someone else…His eyes flickered up to yours, he released the hold on his brows as they shot up in surprise. “You-You love me?” He asks you in disbelief, but only a pain filled smile creases into your features. You give a smile and a simple shrug. A variation of the words you were looking for hits you as your tears return. This time Anakin was quick to catch each one, his feet practically knocking into yours, his hands lifting to cup your cheeks, his thumb swiping at the skin.

His heart and nearly ripped apart at the mere thought of you watching him fall for Padme. How you’d caught him in the act, while you were fighting against the entire galaxy and yourself, alone. You hadn’t come to him, for the same reasons that he couldn’t go to you..Yet Anakin made the exception with Padme, had his attraction not been as strong to her, he might’ve noticed that his best friend was suffering..The truth was even after you’d left Anakin’s love for Padme dwindled to nothing. It wasn’t enough, it was never enough. You were the one who he sought out, the force connected the both of you in ways he couldn’t describe. All he knew was that you were his home no matter where he was.

Anakin had been blinded by the Angel he’d seen on Tatooine forgetting his best friend’s existence. You were there for as long as Anakin could remember. You gave him advice, you went along with his stupid yet ridiculously complicated plans that always seemed to work out in the end. You faced obstacles together, you were his support, and all that time you had fallen in love with him. He had become so infatuated with the thought of an older woman, distracting himself from the possibilities of being with you. He failed to realize that you, yourself were the guardian Angel sent to him not Padme. He was blinded by his own ambitions to see it.

“I do, I just-can’t let you take the blame for my fall-” You choked out. You could see the thoughts forming beneath his gaze. You saw how he over analyzed, going over every moment, every second trying to understand where he went wrong. Then again you were there to ease his mind, to sooth his pain as you’d always done. How could he have been so caught up in a distraction. He’d taken you for granted and he hated that he had. It took him all these years to finally figure out that the deep love you held was something he’d been dying to reciprocate. He’d lost touch with his home, with his reality. He’d realized that the force had connected you both, always drawing you both into one another. The two of you share a magnetic pull, like two puzzle pieces fitting together.

He shakes his head, “There’s nothing to blame, you were always meant to be mine. Your heart called to me every moment of every day. There wasn’t a moment where my thoughts weren’t of you. I missed you so much, I was a fool to leave you to your own thoughts. I should’ve been with you, the force is what brought you back to me. The trust that I would've seen you again-it always brings me back to you.” His eyes flicker between yours as he lowers his forehead touching yours. His eyes fluttering shut, his hands still cupping your cheeks. The warmth of your skin against his flesh, it drove him insane. The electricity that followed between the two of you was undeniable. The force too pulled within you both, he could resist the urge-

His lips crash down onto yours lips, you hesitated for a mere second or too, realizing that his lips were in fact touching yours. Anakin nudges your head as he kisses you, his tongue already dancing with yours. Somewhere in between one of his hands slipped from your face, wrapping around your waist pulling you impossibly closer. You don’t remember reaching up latching your hands onto his clothes, all you knew was how hard you were gripping them. The air in your chest had nearly dissipated, your chest tightening, your body needing air. Anakin growled as he felt you slipping away from him, fuck air, he didn’t need it, all he wanted was you.

“ Wait- wait” You say breathlessly. Your mind wandered to Padme and how wrong this situation is. To think that he might still be with her right now. If anything was to happen because of this you’d feel even more guilty than you already do. You shook your head moving to keep him at arm's length. You needed to put distance between you both. “Padme-We can’t, she’ll be devastated to find out about this. Oh maker and if the Jedi find out-“ your eyes squeezed shut your nose scrunching in discomfort at the thought.

“Padme has nothing to do with this, I left her the moment I realized that I knew you were the one I loved. I won’t risk losing you again, I can’t so much as breathe when you’re not near. I’m in agony when I’m without you and when I’m with you I can finally breathe-The Jedi, they have no control over who I love. It is forbidden, yes, but the compassion that comes with love is essential to one’s life. You’re the one I want, Y/N” He smiles at you, sweet and genuine, a hint of his boyish charm shines through. How could you resist such a devotion of love? You couldn’t deny that you both wanted each other, craved each other. With the guidance of the force you two were finally brought together as if this was all made just for you both.

“Ani, this is life or death- secret this big could destroy you-” You started.

“-I know what I want.” He takes a step forward gripping your jumpsuit, pulling you back in by the waist.

“You know they’ll check the logs on your fighter to see where you’ve been-” You shook your head, you placed your hands on his chest attempting to put a barrier between you both. Though your arms weaken, your body already itching to succumb to his warmth. The force and the galaxy hummed with joy, it echoed through you even as you argued and deflected, trying to stop what was meant to happen.

Anakin would never allow that, not when you’re here, in his arms, alive, breathing, your skin touching his. What more could he ask for, the Galaxy could wait for him, as the war would always be there. With you he wasn’t guaranteed the time he wished for, the time he needed. He’d have to relearn you all over again, and that was all he could dream of.“Y/N, you’re not changing my mind.” His hand caresses your cheek, you instinctively lean into his touch. Anakin hums, his smile remains, as your eyes finally flutter shut. He pulls your head towards his, his lips pressing softly against your forehead. So inviting, so calming, the tension melting away.

“I might” You huffed.

“Never”Anakin chuckled his hand around your waist stroking your hip. You could feel how relaxed he’d become. He held you in a tight embrace, one where you could feel that he wasn’t ready to let go. One where you’re sure you weren’t ready to let go either. You sighed involuntarily, Anakin’s heart jumped at the sound. Your eyes flutter open upon the sound of your own sighed, your own heart pounding.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, as you lifted your head back, your eyes lifting to meet his.

“Nothing, but um we should probably get back to the port. I’m sure Obi Wan and his padawan are looking for you.” You peel yourself out of his arms only for his hand to grasp onto yours pulling you in for another kiss. His nose bumps yours just as he takes your lips into his. So tender and yet it’s filled with passion, a need, so heated it becomes. You fell just as quickly as you realized how far he wanted to take it. A chuckle vibrates through your chest as you peck his lips once more. “-Mhmm we can’t”

“I’ll have Ahsoka stall him for a while-with a little help from Rex, it’ll keep him occupied” He smirked

You squint your eyes at him “You would have his padawan distract him? And the clone?”

“ Not his padawan, my padawan” his smirk turns into a grin, your eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “Besides, Rex will be there to help in case things go sideways.”

“ Y-You’re padawan? Since when?” You went to sling your bag over your shoulder, Anakin swiftly taking it from you and placing it on his shoulder instead.

“Since I became a Jedi knight. The council thought it would be a good idea for me to train a padawan. They felt I was fit for the role” The two of you inched toward your front to enter into your home.

“Fit for the role, my ass.” You muttered rolling your eyes playfully.

“Are you questioning my skills as a Master?” He crosses his arms staring at you with an expression that was filled with pride, and with teasing.

“So what if I am?” You questioned, crossing your own arms as you stood near the threshold.

“So you want to pick a fight with me?”

“You couldn’t teach a padawan to save your life-”

“I do hope the two of you have resolved your issues.” Obi Wan's voice echoes from the end of your driveway. No trace of hatred or anger, only a genuine sense of care, happiness. Your heart squeezed at the hope that you were safe again. You felt at ease and comforted, Obi Wan travels across the dirt and gravel, as nears you and Anakin, Ahsoka trailing behind with Rex. Even you could sense the happiness from her, a smile gracing her features.

“You could say that.” Anakin grins sharing a look with you by his side, you couldn’t help but return the grin.

“It's good to see you, Obi Wan” You shift your gaze back to Obi Wan who couldn’t help but grin from ear to ear.

“It’s good to see you too, Y/N” Obi wan bows his head, his gaze catches dirt and grass smeared from the ground onto both of your clothes. He took note that the two of you shared a few throws to one another. He could remember the many training sessions you both shared, how you sparred, the way you too made it look so easy…Warmth spread through his chest as his gaze fixated on both of you. To see the two of you in the same light, teasing, challenging, loving, two compassionate hearts. He knew what you felt, and how you’d left the order for a price he couldn’t pay. One that he considered doing himself.. Yet he was proud of you for taking that chance, illuminating the path for Anakin to fulfill his destiny, his fate, that had already been written for him. A small silent sacrifice for the sake of the galaxy..whether you realized it or not.

Obi Wan knew the force worked in mysterious ways no matter how many times he practiced meditation. What he did know was the force had a way of working itself out, creating and destroying paths that were meant to cross. How could Obi Wan deny that even in your separation, the two of you were always meant to cross paths? There was a plan written in the stars that he couldn’t compete with, if the path drew Anakin to you, and you were meant to be his light, then Obi Wan wouldn’t question it further. The Jedi council wouldn’t hear a word of this and he intended to keep it that way. There was nothing they needed to know, both of his former padawans happy, alive and healthy, what more could a master ask for?

“Why don’t you guys come inside, sit down and relax. I’m sure your ship won’t be ready for a few hours” You stepped aside and opened up your home. The three wandered inside taking a look around. Anakin was quick to scoop your hand in his as he stood next you, his eyes finding yours the two of you sharing the same look of love and wonder.

A new path, a new challenge forged by the force by destiny by forbidden attachments...

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