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“On Reading: Or How I Learned to Love Books Again”

I originally envisioned this blog to be part personal musings, part audience engagement forum. We’re a small team at Los Tokyo—and introverts—so this seemed like a happy medium between attending conventions and markets regularly, and not having any kind of online presence at all. Life often has other plans, however. I thought it would be easy to get words out regularly, but the reality turned out to be quite the opposite. For a while now, I’ve had that thing which all writers fear: “writer’s block.” 

Why? That’s a complicated answer—and maybe too personal. I loved reading voraciously as a child: Harry Potter, of course, but also Dune, The Dark Tower, Neuromancer, Lord of the Rings, and countless others. As I got older, I gradually (then all at once) lost both my confidence in myself as a writer and my faith in myself as a reader. But I learned a lot about what it means to be a reader and a writer by falling out of love with (and falling back in love with) these two activities over the course of ten years. Here’s what I learned: 

The single most important lesson was that, to be a writer again, I first needed to become a reader again. 

Why reading? That’s a simple answer: because if you don’t love reading, you’re probably not going to love writing. Hard stop. Maybe there’s some excellent writers out there who manage to be literary golden gooses without seeing how others ply their craft, but I don’t know of any off the top of my head. You learn how to write well by reading things that are written well (and some things that are not; but seeing it done right is way more important). I learned this lesson the hard way, but luckily got it reiterated to me the easy way. 

I think I mostly fell out of love with reading because I let the outside world too far in. I think I fell out of love with writing because A) I depended on the approval of people who weren’t great muses, and B) I got used to only writing academically (where the reception to my writing was generally better, but my enjoyment of the process was not). Without getting too much into it, I feel depression exacerbated my departure from both. Ironically, I think it also forced me to find my way back to them. Negative feelings are a difficult thing to cope with, and if there’s one positive that came out of the post-COVID world, it’s that mental health issues are at least more recognized. I think depression exacerbated my loss of an internal muse because instead of searching for that inner voice, I sought outer validation. That in itself isn’t a bad thing necessarily—and with the right person, it can be a very, very good thing—but it does put your well-being into other people’s hands. Unfortunately, the world is not a nice place, and I did not pick wisely. 

That’s great, you might be thinking, but how did these things lead you back to reading and writing, then? Here’s the short answer: when I kept tumbling further and further down, reaching a new “rock bottom” every time that was lower than what I previously thought my rock bottom was, I was forced to reassess what I was truly willing to put up with, and how to let go of the things that were outside my control. I also began taking inventory of what things were in my control, and with this mindset, I eventually found my old literary friends. 

Finding them and getting reacquainted were two very different things, unfortunately. I won’t pretend it was easy. I’m embarrassed to say it, but I found it impossible to read actual books for a long time after I decided I wanted to start again. I would lose the train of thought, get distracted, and have to start all over once I reached the end of the page, or even the end of a paragraph. (Needless to say, but I’ll say it anyway, that was majorly demoralizing. How the hell did I used to enjoy this? I thought to myself constantly. It seemed so difficult to fathom that I’d even enjoyed poring over words, words, words. For hours.) 

The first break came when I realized that I could pay a bit more attention when I was hearing a story rather than reading it. So I started with audiobooks (which I used to avoid for reasons that seem frivolous now) after a few false starts. Though I still found myself having to rewind every few minutes, I also found that it was easier to digest what I was hearing and it only got easier with more time. So step by step—or, rather, word by word—I learned to enjoy hearing stories again. And once I enjoyed hearing them again, slowly but surely, I learned to enjoy reading them again. 

I wish I could say it was like riding a bicycle. Maybe it is for some people, but for me it felt like a long uphill slog. But, same as someone going for a leisurely stroll and someone climbing Mount Everest will both eventually cover a mile, regardless of how much effort goes into that mile, I eventually go the hang of reading again.

I’d say it took me about a year and some change to truly get back into it, but that’s being generous. To be honest, it took me a bit more than two years. But I did get there, that’s for sure. Among others, I’ve read Neuromancer, 100 Years of Solitude, The Lions of Al-Rassan, re-read Dune with newfound appreciation, and, finally, read Stephen King’s On Writing.

If you’re wondering why I waited so long to mention reading a book called On Writing and starting with an explanation of how it helped me, I’d recommend reading that book first. Truth is, being a writer starts with loving the craft, and loving the craft often comes from loving to read the works others have crafted. Beyond that and the basics (grammar, theme, backstory), Stephen King put it this way: you writing by doing it one word at a time. It’s as simple as that. 

I read a lot more invaluable advice in his book On Writing (2000), and it’s not an exaggeration to say that reading this book years earlier would have probably changed the trajectory of my life. But alas, I let too much of the outside world in before I was ready. So it goes.

I think I needed to be in the right headspace to read this book, too. When I was younger, I would have let my pride keep me from really gleaning the most valuable lessons from this memoir-cum-writing-lecture. I think I needed life to humble me, and to realize my own self-worth; for that, I’m grateful. (As for the loss of my youth, well, today I’m the youngest I’ll ever be again, so might as well enjoy it while it lasts.)

What else have I written besides this post? That’s for me to know and for everyone else to (possibly) one day find out. I don’t think I’ll ever be eager to share everything I write again. I honestly think that’s for the better. I will continue to write one word at a time, I’ll write for the love of it, and, hopefully, one day I’ll share a few more things. When I’m ready. 

-C @ Los Tokyo.

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its a national holiday

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How the internet dies.

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Today, 28th of January 2023, is a special date.

It’s the 210th anniversary of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice getting published. So I’ll be rereading some of my favourite chapters.

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Finds us on Etsy!

When you’re feeling like your life is just a series of unrelated wacky adventures, take a breather and remember good memes, good shows, and that it gets easier! . . #memes #feels #oldinternet #enamelpins #cartoons #wojak #bojackhorseman #losangeles (at Los Angeles, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/ChaiIINPV-x/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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Find us on Etsy!

Open up this pit, yo! For proud nerds who knew about Kawakami and good cartoons before it was cool! 😎🤙🏽

Available for purchase on Instagram, LosTokyo.store, and Etsy.com/shop/lostokyo 🕶

Design by @Tac.gnol . . #crustpunk #punkrock #punkfashion #metalhead #disrocker #enamelpins #pindrop #noisenotmusic #ingrindwecrust #grimadventuresofbillyandmandy #irwin #cartoon #nostalgia #etsy #lostokyo https://www.instagram.com/p/ChaeTpYPzv8/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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Find us on Etsy!

When you need some rock to go with your cottagecore, these industrious little crust punk gnomes can “ruff” it AND play nice!

#Bluey #cartoonart #cottagecore #gardengnome #enamelpins #crustpunk #pingame #pinstagram #metalhead #latfo #punkrock #upthepunx #grindcore #dbeat #pastelgoth #smallbusiness #lostokyo (at Downtown Los Angeles) https://www.instagram.com/p/ClhysLUrgnG/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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These Kawaii Penguins have been all the rage since last week! Snap one up while supplies last! 😉📸

#Kawaii #penguin #enamelpins #pinstagram #pastelgoth #Otaku #animalart #smallbusiness #etsy #internetculture #cute #anime #photography #lostokyo https://www.instagram.com/p/Cg0CGJfvGrC/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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New test pin came out nice!

Glad our supplier made it through the pandemic. :)

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Limited supply of discounted pins, including our Vaporwave Sunglasses, available now online on our website now! Reduced from our regular price of $8.99 to $6.66 (36% off).

Art design courtesy of @LosTokyo.Store on Instagram.

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Limited supply of discounted pins, including our Vaporwave Sunglasses, available now online on our website now! Reduced from our regular price of $8.99 to $6.66 (36% off).

Art design courtesy of @LosTokyo.Store on Instagram.

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Backyard BBQ in the Big City

#Brooklyn #BigCity #newyorkcity #nyc #bbq #nostalgia #LosTokyo https://www.instagram.com/p/CeIXilpuYMK/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=