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Chapter 12 of why me is up!! This one is short but go check it out

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Why Hide? (Part XII to Why Me?)

Azriel x rhys sister! reader!

angst/eventual comfort (This got really scary real fast! We love some good plot! Also sorry for the short chapter it's been a minute since I've written...)

Summary: When you walk in on Azriel and Elain the mating bond snaps leading you to flee to Autumn with Eris so you can be free of Azriel. Your absence causes Azriel to come to some drastic realisations, but is it already too late and has your time in Autumn led to you moving on?

Parts I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X, and XI if you missed them!

-

Azriel was yanked out of sleep by a horrifying nightmare, the fourth one this week. They always ended the same, with a dark figure holding an onyx blade emanating an evil magic to your neck and no matter how hard he tries you're always either stabbed, poisoned, or some combination of the two.

For Azriel may have beaten death, but he may have paid the price with his soul. The Mother fought to save his life but the unknown darkness fought harder to claim his soul.

After Eris purged all the darkness from his chest with his fire and he had his outburst, Azriel passed out. You monitored him while he slept and he woke up nearly 2 days later screaming.

You guys have barely spoken, cordial small talk and tense silence filling the gap between you now that everything was out in the open. Azriel can't bear your rejection, so for now he will take your silence.

Footsteps in the hallway snap him out of his trance, everytime he wakes from a nightmare he can hear you hovering by his door. He had had gone from feeling a dull trickle of your feelings to now a roaring waterfall as the bond was formally acknowledged.

He knew he woke you up every night and he could feel your hesitation and desperation in his own chest, the same way you felt his fear.

The first night you had been pacing in your room and had ultimately gone to bed after he had lightly tugged on the bond to let you know he was okay.

The second night you had made it out of the hallway after hearing a crash and pretended to get water and do other mundane tasks until you couldn't hear any movement from his room anymore.

The night after that you slipped one of his shadows a sleeping potion so he could go back to bed without being plagued by nightmares.

This was the fourth night and you had made it to his door. The shadows were telling him that your hand was up, ready to knock, but you had been standing there for nearly 5 minutes and yet nothing.

He decided to put you out of your misery and he opened the door to your shocked figure.

"Can I help you? You're hovering like a vulture." Your expression shifted from surprise to embarrassment.

"I just- I didn't- " You stammered out.

Azriel raised a brow and you took a deep breath, steadying your voice.

"I just wanted to make sure you were alright, I could uhm feel your terror." You mumbled the last part out.

You were tired of beating around the bush with him, he already knew that you knew and you had been dancing around each other for days. It didn't feel right, but again nothing did these days.

Azriel did not expect you to acknowledge the bond so openly. You said nothing about acceptance or rejection, just acknowledged it's existence. Maybe after everything is done with you guys would have that conversation, but for now there were more pressing matters at hand.

"I'm fine." An answer so short and unrevealing, how Azriel.

"You've been different since your return." You were trying to get him to talk about it, everyone else was blinded by the joy of having him back but you felt the scars that his soul now beared.

You felt the darkness emanating off of him when he was contaminated with that black magic.

"Yes that tends to happen when you come back from the dead." His response came out a bit harsher than intended, but Azriel's facade has been crumbling.

He has tried these past few days to put on a mask and put away his suffering from his family, but he hasn't slept in days he was exhausted.

You flinched slightly, but you just looked at him and waited patiently. The look in your eyes let him told that you were listening and his resolve was finally crumbling.

"I feel the scars of the darkness on my soul. It was slowly taking over me, eroding who I was until all I knew was pain and the only thing I yearned for was power and revenge."

He took a breath and you grabbed his hand and dragged him to sit down on his bed.

He reached for his chest, where the darkness used to be like he could still feel it eating away at himself and everything he knew the world to be.

"I almost lost myself and if I did, I knew that whatever dark master I would serve would use me and that twisted magic to defeat Prythian so I brought myself to the one person who could save me."

He looked at you with vulnerability and pain and as you looked into his eyes, the same hazel eyes that have plagued your mind for Mother's known how long, you started to feel a seed of fear being planted in your stomach.

The golden flecks in Azriel's eyes, the eyes you knew better than your own, were gone. They were replaced by a darker green, the warmth consumed by this unfamiliar darkness.

Something is wrong with Azriel.

"I swear to the Mother or whatever gods will listen to me, we will get answers and find a way to fix this, Azriel."

You hold both of his hands in your own and look him in the eyes, determination coating your features.

"It makes no difference if the gods turn their backs on us, for you are the only deity that I answer to. For I would forsake all of them and eternally damn myself just to be by your side, whatever you give me will be enough for me. "

Almost dying really changes your priorities, well in Azriel's case at least. He would rather leave knowing that he told you how he was feeling, instead of leaving without telling you once.

He has already died with regrets once and he would worse than a fool to do it again.

You dragged him to the library and started to research.

-

The dark figure was out again, the night freed him he could ebb and flow through the darkness as he pleased. The sun was a hideous thing that he abhorred, for light reveals all in its presence. There was no hiding in the light and no room for his sinister schemes in the light of day.

He had been trying to get through to the shadowsinger all week, but the most he could do was plague him with measly nightmares.

Pathetic.

He had once started plagues that took down civilisations, started wars that had broken apart nations, and now he was no more than the boogeyman.

He had corrupted a few others, watching as they gave into madness and took others down with them but it didn't give him the satisfaction he craved.

What he craved was power. He wanted to bring Prythian down to it's knees and mere fae could not do that.

He needed the shadowsinger or the high lord, but Rhysand was so heavily guarded he couldn't even make it within a hundred feet without being slaughtered.

He'd had the shadowsinger in his clutches and he lost him along with is plan to take down Prythian.

First it was Prythian, then Hybern, and finally the mainland until the entire world was consumed by terror and chaos and he would be standing on the ruins.

He hears a song over the horizon. It's a song of enchantment and one that beckons to him, which is strange since he cannot stand the screech of music.

He follows the sound and is met with a white strand of twisted magic that flows through the woods. A trap of some sort, a normal fae would be ensnared, but he is not fae and the magic of this world doesn't effect him the way it should.

He follows the magical strand to the source like it's a stray piece of yarn.

He weaves through the forest until he feels the world slip away from him temporarily. When he comes back he notices that the trees were much taller than they just were and the trunks a deep shade of red as if trying to warn him from coming any closer.

The yarn ball ends up being a lake. While it looks like it should be picturesque with towering trees along the shoreline, there was something eerie that could only be explained by a sinister type of magic.

It's pitch black, even though there was a full moon and the only light source is the unnatural blue glow of the lake.

Welcome follower

The lake whispers to him in a voice that sounds like tar.

He walks up to the lake to see the source of this voice.

"I am no follower of yours."

My how interesting and I was told you had left this world long ago

"You are a child compared to me. I am as old as the dust of this universe."

It appears that your age has caused you to grow weak

Anger roared in him. "I WILL-"

Calm down, I am not trying to insult you, but rather convince you to take a deal of sorts

"I do not make deals with those beneath me."

I have the power you need, and my price is low. I only ask for one simple thing.

The scowl that is normally plastered on his face shifts to intrigue.

When we have the world on it's knees, you give me Prythian once you are finished ravaging it.

That was a small price to pay in the grand scheme of things and while he did not work well with others from the power of this being alone he knew that he could deliver what he was promising.

All you have to do is free me from this lake and we can destroy everything together

He pluges his shadowed arm into the lake and pulls this being through whatever enchantments were holding him there until he breaches the lakes surface.

He now stands in front of him, an evil grin on his face, laughing to himself relishing in his freedom.

"My name is Koschei, it's lovely to meet you in person."

-

The winds cry and the shadows retreat back in fear.

It's the middle of the night and you and Azriel, are researching in the library when Azriel's shadows begin to scream.

He falls to the ground, clutching his head screaming out in pain.

You fall to the ground with him, trying to figure out whats wrong when Rhys and Feyre winnow in.

Rhys was in the same state as Azriel, clutching his head and on the floor.

Feyre was running through the stacks, urgently looking for a book.

This continued on for 10 minutes until they both snapped out of it. You looked out the window to see the first light of dawn.

Feyre was adamantly flipping through the large book she had and Rhys and Azriel were catching their breath.

You looked at both of them, "What happened?"

Rhys shuddered. Azriel replied, "I'm not sure it was almost as if Night itself was screaming, my shadows were terrified."

Cassian and Nesta burst through the door.

"He's out." That's all Nesta managed to say.

Rhys and Azriel froze and you saw a look in their eyes that you haven't seen since the first war. It was fear. Pure, icy fear.

"Who's out?"

Eris came running through the door followed by Lucien and Elain.

"Koschei! He's free, he's trying-" She started swaying on her feet.

"He's trying-" Elain immediately falls unconscious and Lucien catches her.

"She had a vision, she was screaming about Koschei and the lake." Lucien slowly says.

The room was silent,all the air sucked out. The threat to Prythian was greater than they could have imagined.

They say death always has a price and Azriel prayed to the Mother that Prythian was not about to pay it.

-

note: Hello my loves long time no see life got pretty chaotic and has prevented me from escaping back to my stories(i know i know). I hope everyone is well and the story has not slipped from anyones mind in the meantime, but personally I believe that suspense only makes the story that much impactful (that's what im using as an excuse for my lack of activity). This chapter is short and a bit darker than usual which I hope is not too out of the blue for anyone but it is pure plot which we have not really seen yet. I'm excited to dust off this story and get right back to it so enjoy and like always until next time my darlings!

note note: One day I will get a beta reader, but until then in the spirit of magic and make believe lets pretend like my grammatical errors and typos don't exist!

my lovely taglist: @alimarie1105 @chaosabroad @bbontenswhhore @tele86 @ashblooddragons @circe143 @i-am-infinite @princesssunderworld @thestartitaness @tiffany-xx @cpfantasybooks @lucia-valentinaa @jennigsonl @ivy-34 @firefly-forest @k-homosapien @coeurdeveea @cherryjain17 @bckynatt @becstersworld @rcarbo1 @gojospearlycim @atluky @juliebluehufflepuff @willowpains @abadfantasybook @neverendingstay @hellohauntedturnstudent @highladyofhogwarts @littowl @iluvyewman-blog @lunaticpotatoe @justlivinginadaydream @julesiebean @shylahstarzz @olive-main @lreadsstuff @noonenuts @sourapplex @aquellaspequenascosas @anuttellaa @honethatty12 @moonlwghts @kittymeyers @beabogsims @sillyfreakfanparty @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @lilah-asteria @chicaconfundidaycuriosa @florencemtrash @violetscar656 @ania-swissweet @jasmineee05 @fxckmiup @plants-w0rld @lou-diaries

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Okay so writing a 40k fic is a lot more difficult than I thought… so im back to writing why me new chapter incoming when I can find time to write it!!

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Livre de la Vigne nostre Seigneur; France, 15th century; Bodleian Library, MS. Douce 134, f. 49v

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Ik i said i would work on why me? but ive been working on a new Azriel fic that’s taking up all my time and attention.

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I cross-posted my fic Why me? on ao3 because I had some requests to move it there. This will still be my main acc and posting method but go feel free to read it on there if that's what you prefer <33

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Sorry guys I’ve been dealing with a lot of stuff but I’ve finally gotten it taken care of and can now get back to writing so expect updates soon!!

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Thank you for making my weekend even better with your writing!

Thank you so much! I am so glad you enjoyed my writing <33

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Why Fight? (Part XI to Why Me?)

Azriel x rhys sister! reader!

angst/eventual comfort (When Azriel's brush with death has him meeting some interesting individuals lol)

Summary: When you walk in on Azriel and Elain the mating bond snaps leading you to flee to Autumn with Eris so you can be free of Azriel. Your absence causes Azriel to come to some drastic realisations, but is it already too late and has your time in Autumn led to you moving on?

Parts I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, and X if you missed them!

-

Azriel didn't know where he was. The last thing he remembered was that he was wounded and it was bad and he needed to see you before the injury took him. He remembers you running to him, his body giving out from the pain and then darkness.

This was not the darkness he was accustomed to, the darkness of his shadows and the darkness that usually cloaks him in the night. This darkness was a wave taking him under he had no control to fight against it's current.

His memory was hazy and he couldn't feel his body, but he did feel the faint flicker of your bond in his chest. He woke up and was blinded by a bright light white unlike anything he had ever seen. The ceiling, the floors, everything was pristine white, bathed in a radiating glow.

Azriel was waiting for his shadows to scan the surroundings when he realised he couldn't hear them. He shot up and frantically searched his shoulders when he realised that they were no longer with him.

Where was he, and what is this place? He got up and walked forward. The room seemed like it was a shaped like cube, but moving only a few steps hade made Azriel feel as if he had gone through a tunnel.

The magic here was unlike anything he had ever felt. He zones back in to see two individuals, a man and a woman, sitting at a table in front of a shimmering crystalline chessboard.

There was something about them that seemed almost ethereal. The woman was almost iridescent; she had a magnificent halo of lavender, blues, and a sea green surrounding her. She had the divine beauty of a sunset in a way that suggested that she was much more than human or fae.

If she was the sunset, the man across from her was the equally dazzling sunrise. His halo of pinks, oranges, and gold surrounds his equally beautiful and ethereal self.

From the power emanating from them alone, Azriel knew that they had to be some higher entity. In a voice as calm as a summer's breeze the woman goes, "Come Azriel. Please sit."

The woman waves her hand, and an empty chair appears at the table. Azriel complies feeling a strange sense of déjà vu. He doesn't remember ever seeing this woman before, but there is something about her energy that makes him swear they have encountered each other before.

She gives him a comforting smile, "It's good to see you, even if it's much sooner than I would have liked. You have always been one of my stubbornest you know, which is why I had to match you with someone who could equally match your stubbornness with their own."

She looks at the man, and a look of fondness and reminiscence flashes between them. Azriel was good at piecing these things together, he was the spymaster for a reason, but every logical bone in his body was fighting the conclusion he was coming to.

"You're the Mother?" He asks skeptically.

She gives him a warm smile and a nod. "In the flesh- Well in the whatever manifestation I am taking in order to not freak you out too much."

He looks over to the man, "And you are?"

Fate was a rather prideful being but when you are with the Mother you kind of take a backseat and while he did harbor some resentment at the beginning of their relationship, he now harbors a certain pride with being able to craft mortal fates. While the mother does get most of the credit he enjoys working with her too much to overshadow her.

"Fate at your service." He tips his fat, which had just appeared out of nowhere seemingly for the sole reason that he could tip it.

Azriel was losing his mind. First, the Mother and now Fate, what's next luck?

"Lucky isn't around much, believe it or not, he is not the biggest fan of losing. His 1000 year ban from game night expires next fall."

Azriel is dumbfounded. The deities that are the puppet masters, pulling the strings of the very life he knows, have a game night. Mother above, well Mother in front of him and they can read his thoughts.

"Yes we can. Now, it's time for the important stuff-"

The Mother cuts him off, "Ignore him my child he is much too eager about the fates that fight back the one he has laid out for them. It's like a game to him, pay no mind to him."

Fate looks offended, he immediately starts sputtering and looks around the room to see if anyone saw this terrible crime against his nosiness. It was just him, Azriel, and the Mother and when he realised that neither of them were going to entertain his dramatics he just sat there silently.

"What do you mean fight my fate? Is that because I'm dying is this the end?" Azriel asks fear creeping into his voice. He had never particularly feared death; it was almost a given that it would one day take him either in war or during a mission, but he had a mate. He couldn't leave you behind.

"I know you worry for your mate, she will be fine." The Mother tries to reassure him in that voice as smooth as dripping honey.

Fate decides that now is the perfect time to interject, "Besides you've had so much time together. Shouldn't you be at peace now?"

These are fighting words meant to provoke, Fate and the Mother both know it.

The words leave Azriel stunned because while you did have all that time together and Azriel did cherish every minute of it, he never got to experience it as your mate and if he went on without you even knowing what he was to you, he would take that regret with him wherever the Mother sends him.

"Why didn't you? Did you not love her before she was your mate." Fate is going for the jugular. He always did hate to lose and now it was him and the Mother against a mysterious sinister opponent. Azriel was almost there he just needed a push.

At this Azriel shoots up the Mother beckons him to sit down and with a wave of her hand Fate's mouth is magically glued shut.

"I have loved her for longer than I have ever known, I just never believed myself deserving of that love, so I created self-fulfilling prophecies that would only extenuate my issue because she deserves better than being doomed to love me for the rest of her life."

The Mother's face fell, how sad it was to see one of her favorites fall into such despair for so long.

"She would never think loving you as being a punishment, you know that, Azriel." The Mother looks at him compassion written across her features.

"That's the problem. She deserves someone whose soul isn't as marred as mine. Someone whose heart is whole and isn't plagued by all the horrors they have committed. Someone who's hands aren't stained with blood."

Azriel begins to feel the start of a downward spiral, he has been good at keeping them at bay, but this whole situation has been very stressful for him.

The Mother refuses to let him fall into that dark place, sternlys he tells him, "Who are you to say who she should choose? I made you two mates and I don't even have a final say. Do you think she would appreciate you taking that choice away from her?"

Azriel feels like he is being scolded by his mother. Well she is the Mother. It wasn't fair to you for him to be making this decision, he couldn't deprive you of a mate just because he couldn't handle himself.

The white walls then flickered and then slightly dimmed, their pristine angelic white fading into a duller cream; the magic screamed against the walls in strain.

"We don't have much time Azriel." The Mother looked at Fate, alarmed, and he gave her a calming nod.

Azriel couldn't avoid the terrifying question any longer, the one that had been cowering on his tongue in fear of an answer.

"Am I dead?" The bond is a dim light, slowly dimming out in his chest. It is the the closest thing to feeling that his body is capable of.

Fate and the Mother immediately shake their heads no.

"Not yet, but the in-between is so unstable and neither of the doors have opened yet so…" Fate says, trying to keep the mood cheery even when talking about such grim matters.

Azriel scans the room again, actually being able to take it in now that he is no longer in the state of panic he was when he first arrived to this strange place.

The room had no doors and no windows, but there was magic emanating from every surface. A magic so powerful and ancient that he was no longer sure that this room was actually a room, but rather a physical manifestation of something so complex that it had to be condensed down to this box so his fae-mind could wrap itself around it.

The Mother and Fate probably took these forms to be more approachable because whatever form they usually took would just be too much; he was already in distress that would only tip him over the edge of insanity.

The Mother looked at Azriel and he saw the wisdom in her eyes. She was a deity as old as time itself and right now it showed.

"Azriel I'm going to send you back." Fate whipped his head around at her.

"Are you sane? Do you know what this could cause-" She cut him off with a warning look.

"A price will be paid, but we can't even get to that point if there is no Prythian left.'

The Mother stood, and Azriel swore he could hear time hold her breath in anticipation.

"We are not meant to meddle in the affairs of your kind, but the dark magic that sent you here threatens to destroy everything, even us if left unchecked. You and your mate need to vanquish it Azriel.'

It was not a request; it was an order that Azriel could not deny from the two weavers of his fate.

Azriel had nearly died tracking and fighting he didn't even know what. His memory was hazy, he just remembered a flash of black and then an onslaught of pain greater than anything he had ever known and a darkness so cold it had almost dragged him under it's waves.

"How can I vanquish it when I know nothing about this enemy?" Azriel asked the two exasperatedly. It had already killed him once how was he going to kill this unknown enemy so powerful it even threatens the Mother?

The Mother tried to speak, but it seemed as if she was struggling to get the words out.

The walls flared out, now a lowly dim gray fighting for their lives to stay intact and illuminated.

Azriel had heard about ancient cursed beings, so deplorable that their very names were cursed. If spoken nothing comes out and if you attempt to write anything the letters come out as nothing more than mere scribbles.

"I can't tell you much, I am already not supposed to be involved and I am not sure if this will be a permanent solution Azriel. I may see you hear sooner than we hope."

Azriel's stomach drops. He has had brushes with death before, but to have it looming so close was another thing entirely.

Azriel was nothing if not loyal and valiant, his actions may suggest otherwise at times but he considers himself to be noble. If his life was the price to pay for Prythian's, and most importantly your safety, he would pay it in a heart beat.

He looks to the Mother and nods. "I will do it. It will be my personal mission to make sure this evil is wiped from the lands."

He bows his head, in both respect and as a sign of duty. This is his mission now and he would complete it whatever it took.

Before the Mother could say anything Fate barges into the conversation, like he always does as Fate is not fond of planning.

"For such bravery, we would like to reward you with-"

The Mother rolls her eyes. "Reward him with?"

He continues going, obviously very used to this dynamic. Azriel was slightly amused even if he didn't show it.

"3 questions. You may ask us anything your heart truly desires, but you must choose wisely."

The Mother gives him a look, the one that says I know what you're trying to do, and while it's not exactly evil, it is mischievous in nature.

"You're giving him the gift of life, let me give him the gift of knowledge. I can't let you take all the credit now?" Who knew Fate could be this way.

Azriel began to ponder, he could ask anything. The story of the cosmos were at his beck and call all he needed to do was ask.

Fate immediately started backtracking. "The thing with knowledge is that it's from things we already know so you can't ask me about the future or anything large such as what is the truth of the universe. Stick to what you know and those around you."

Some things were better off not being known anyway. If he was going to die soon all Azriel wanted was to know where your affections lie and he immediately knew what his first question was going to be.

"My mate, we've had uhh a rocky start to say the least..." He could see the laugh that Fate was holding in. It is pretty hard to hide things from all knowing gods.

"Has the mating bond snapped for her?" He needed to know. The question that has been plaguing his mind for weeks now.

The Mother nods yet and Azriel's heart sinks. So you knew he was your mate this entire time and you hadn't said anything.

The Mother said nothing, but Fate was a talker and did he love to do so and stir things up in the process.

"Let's just say that it was a Solstice present gone wrong."

Everything clicks into place. Your sudden departure, the way you had been distant and cold to him only. The way his family had been treating him.

You saw him with Elain.

His mate had watched him almost kiss another and then the bond snapped.

Azriel's progress is hanging by a single thread at this knowledge. You had gone through that and it was Azriel who had put you through that.

If you had left him for Eris at this point, he wouldn't even blame you. Eris was the one who had tried to help you fix what Azriel had destroyed and while he was miserable in your absence he couldn't imagine the pain of seeing your mate with another and having the mating bond loom over you like that.

He had to know you didn't hate him. With that came his next question.

"Does she love me?"

Fate perked up at this question. His provoking and prodding of the shadowsinger had finally got him to the conclusion he wanted.

"She thinks of you dearly. There are many forms of love, and sometimes, you don't even know where a person falls anymore; the lines blur, become marred, and get redrawn over and over again."

The Mother, tired of Fate's carefully cryptic wording, decides now is the time for her to interject. Azriel had been tormented enough for her liking.

"You already know the answer to that question Azriel as you have the same answer."

Leave it to the Mother to be the assurance he needs.

He takes a deep breath. "For how long?"

He had to know, did all this come up with the mating bond, or is this deeper for you? He didn't want you feeling this way only because of this bond that connects you two.

With him, you would be in danger for the rest of your life. You would know no peace and he had to make sure you were sure before he decides to fight to have you with him.

For if the better choice for your safety is him walking away, he would lay his swords down and exile himself to the continent, the depths of the Illyrian mountains, just anywhere the dangers that chased him couldn't find you.

"Same as you, my dear child."

Flashes of memories of the start of the war invade his mind. Your father, the old high lord, and his cruelty. He feared how headstrong you were becoming and had actually allowed some of Devlon's men at camp to steal you in the night and clip your wings.

The way his shadows had screamed in terror and panic, telling him what was to be done to you. He remembered being blinded with an icy rage, flying to you guided by nothing but pure instinct and when he saw one of the men holding your unconscious form down while holding a blade to you all logic had been thrown out the window all he knew was violence and rage and he did not stop until all the men were slaughtered and you were home safe in the cabin.

He left you with your horrified Mother and sister. Rhys was off helping with war planning, but he remembers the way he barged into the door, the pure fear written on his face.

His shadows had whispered something to him about the high lord's involvement and he flew for him at once. He didn't know what he was expecting getting into a fight with a high lord, but it had ended with him being overpowered by the high lord's daemati ability.

He told Azriel that he would have killed him, if he weren't so powerful. He offered Azriel a deal, his undying servitude to him in exchange for your guaranteed safety. You would be able to live out your days as you pleased, no unwanted marriages or wing clippings forced upon you, at the price of Azriel's life.

He would be sentenced to do the high lord's dirty work, essentially bartering away his freedom, his soul. His very soul, why would the Mother take him after he becomes corrupted by death and pain and all that is bad in the world.

But he decided it was worth it. While death would offer him respite from this life, he would rather live in agony for all of eternity than suffer again the way you just had so he took the deal.

You were so upset with him when you found out. You cried, you screamed, you knew what had become of his fate and you didn't want this for your shadowsinger.

The way you had believed in him and fought for him when no one else had.

He should have known it had always been you. The signs have always been there, it seems like you were both too busy hindering yourselves to see it.

The bond might have well as snapped for him that night when he went off to war and you had made him promse to come back.

For the first time, Azriel could see the full picture. The bond was not something sudden that had been forced upon you guys, but something that had been there for centuries, that is only now announcing itself out of desperation.

The vow he had made to you was more precious than any mating bond and he knew that he would fight to be with you in this life and the next if you will have him.

He gives the Mother and Fate a nod. "I'm ready now. Thank you for everything, but I would love to go home now."

Determination fills him and he is eager to get back. Eager to see you and begin the journey to your future however short lived and futile it may be.

"Very well. May the rest of your life provide you with everything you are looking for and more." She gives him a smile that is as warm and comforting as a roaring fireplace in the dead of winter.

Fate even gives him one of his signature grins, "While it was so lovely meeting you I do hope it's a long while until we do see each other again."

Before Azriel says anything the room shatters and everything goes black like the room was a glass box that was suddenly dropped on the ground.

He looks around. The only source of light was the faint golden light of the bond. He tugged on it with all his might and on the other side he had felt you.

Felt your worry and fear and he sent a wave of reassurance down the bond and followed it back to where he knew you would be.

-

Smoke assaults your senses, eyes watering and throat burning. The darkness was rapidly spreading in Azriel's chest and you guys couldn't let it reach his heart.

His shadows were going haywire, frantically flitting around their Master's unconscious frame.

As far as Azriel's current state, his heartbeat was faint but present and ever so slowly fading. The bond in your chest was pulling against you with a tug stronger than you had ever felt.

It felt as if the bond was a rubber band that had been pulled so tight that it was borderline fraying and if one side is let go the impact on the other would be a pain unlike any other.

You don't know where he was for the bond to feel so taut, but you hoped it wasn't a signal of his soul slipping away wherever the Mother wants it.

You hoped the Mother was being kind to him wherever he was.

Eris continues to burn away the darkness in Azriel's chest, his presence here a last resort. None of the tonics that you had been tinkering with had worked, and even Madja's healing magic yielded no results.

The next best thing you guys could do is burn it out of him to get it out of his vital organs and then you could heal him properly.

It was your idea to call Eris, you believe he is the most powerful fire wielder in all of Prythian and for this you needed utmost precision anything goes slightly wrong and it could be the end of the shadowsinger.

Eris was not Azriel's biggest fan, but even he knows that the shadowsinger did not deserve to die like this.

He identified the darkness by the way it screamed against his magic and targeted it. The darkness was almost sentient, wailing and crying against the flames, pushing back with a blue flame of their own.

You were knelt over Azriel, holding his hand as if it would offer some sort of comfort while his chest was being burned on both sides.

You were getting lightheaded from the amount of smoke you were inhaling, but you didn't care. You just couldn't bring yourself to leave Azriel, terrified that if you looked away for even a moment the shadowsinger would take his last breath.

Madja broke you out of your thoughts by handing you an empty vial. She told you to take a sample of the darkness, so you could study whatever this evil being is.

You got the sample and then almost dropped the vial out of shock. Rhys came down to grab it out of your hand and put a hand on your shoulder.

You felt a yank on the bond. Azriel knew you were his mate and he was fighting. Fighting death to come back to you.

This time tears welled up in your eyes for a completely different reason.

The shadows begin to frantically swirl Azriel and drag Eris back from their Master.

"Wait im not-" Eris is interrupted.

The shadowsingers eyes shoot open.

His shadows frantically swarm around him, some of them seperating to hold back every other person in the room other than you. If anything, his shadows pushed you closer.

His skin was beginning to knit together, his magic slowly coming back to him allowing to heal the wounds left by the black substance and Eris' fire.

His eyes are wide in alarm and they frantically dart around the room until they settle on you.

Azriel's hand grips yours so tightly you could see the strain in his knuckles, and he takes rapid short breaths.

"The Mother. Fate."

He must be out of it, considering his close brush with death since his words don't make any sense.

His free hand moves to your face and the next thing you know he's caressing your cheek.

"My mate."

Oh gods. It was like the air was sucked out the room silence overtaking the room.

His eyes fluttered shut and his hand fell to the ground, but this time his breathing was even and his heartbeat was steady.

He must have passed out from the exhaustion but he would be okay. Relief floods you and is then suddenly disrupted by the realisation that he knows your his mate.

You know you should be worrying about what is going to happen when he wakes up. But for now you can't bring yourself to care only focusing on the fact that he is alive and with you.

You look up at the Mother and thank her for bringing him back to you, and you swear you can feel her giving you a smile in return.

-

Somewhere in Prythian, that has been long forgotten by the Fae, a shadowed figure curses the Mother for thwarting his plans. He spent weeks trying to get rid of the shadowsinger and had felt him slipping away before he was suddenly pulled back.

Wretched mates.

His kind didn't have mates, they believed that you could only be your strongest when there is nothing in your path. Distractions can be fatal and what is a mate if not a distraction? Why should anything living be able to hinder your abilities or life force?

He shuddered.

Abhorred by such juvenile thoughts and feelings. The Mother and Fate are two domineering entities and they choose to work together side by side for what? Peace?

They could be the rulers of this realm and much more if they only put down the chessboard and focused on what's important.

Power.

Pure power. Everything good came with power - reverence, fear, and acclaim.

For the most talked about battles were always the bloodiest and the more revered warriors were always the most brutal.

He supposed he and Azriel had that much in common—well, until he watched the shadowsinger put his life at risk to save his mate's.

How pathetic.

Azriel may think he's free, but even burning him out doesn't stop the mark that's left there by such dark magic.

A sinister smile spreads across the shadowed face of this being and Prythian shudders. The shadow's recoil and the winds howl in fear.

Something was coming, and Prythian wouldn't know it until it was begging for Mercy.

Part XII

-

note: Hello my loves long time no see but this is my longest chapter yet to make up for it. This chapter is pretty self indulgent, my two worlds crossing in to each other is very interesting to say the least! Things are happening so please try to stay with me I may be venturing into other spheres of writing so this story may be slowing down but nothing for certain yet. We love Azriel growing and finally being able to look at himself and realise who he is and what he has done nothing brings out romance more than the looming threat of death but anyways I loved the fate and az interactions and i cant wait for everyone to think az is insane when he tells them who he met. Like always until next time my darlings!

note note: I can feel my crimes against spelling and grammar as always this is unedited bc if i did edit this chapter would never be out!

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New why me chapter dropping in the next 24 hours woohoooo!! (also i have this idea for a new series where reader is a runaway bride and she’s taken to the night court and they help her get revenge on her cheating fiancé who may or may not be tamlin but idk we’ll see!!)

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Are you taking a break from “Why Me?”?

No I'm about a third of the way done with the next chapter. I will still be coming out with chapters as they are finished, but no break for now!!

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My inbox is open for one-shot requests feel free to give me any/all requests!!

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Guys we finished part 1 of why me?!! I can’t wait for the excitement of the second half of the story (I’ve honeslty j been waiting to get to this point) I hope yall haven’t checked out yet bc the main plot is about to start plotting lol

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Why Pretend? (Part X to Why Me?)

Azriel x rhys sister! reader!

angst/eventual comfort (A little bit of fluff a little bit of angst because nothing in life is free)

Summary: When you walk in on Azriel and Elain the mating bond snaps leading you to flee to Autumn with Eris so you can be free of Azriel. Your absence causes Azriel to come to some drastic realisations, but is it already too late and has your time in Autumn led to you moving on?

Parts I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, and IX if you missed them!

-

Azriel has a shadow and while he is accustomed to having many shadows the shadow he is referring to is not his. It follows him around constantly, not offering him even a second's respite. He shadow is on his heels at all time and unlike the elusive nature of his shadows this one was corporal.

The shadow he is referring to is the pet fox you had recieved from Eris of course. Whenever you were busy or not home the fox would follow Azriel around like a lost puppy which in some sense it was. It was fun at first but it was starting to get on his nerves, the fox followed him everywhere. He means everywhere.

At one point he was doing his paperwork and had looked away for a second and when he looked back the fox was gnawing on his pen. The pen was still in his hand. Another time they had came inside the bathroom and had just stared at him while he took a bath which was uncomfortable at the least and creepy at the most.

But it wasn't permanent; whenever you would come home the fox would run excitedly to you, it's owner and you would excitedly sweep him up in your arms littering his head in kisses. Azriel cannot believe that he is jealous of a cauldrons-damned fox and he believed that the fox knew it too, always staring at him with his sly foxy smile as you held him and gave him all your attention.

Azriel sulked over his bitterness towards the fox for a few days until he redeemed himself by hissing at Eris and trying to bite his hand. Azriel had snuck him some of the steak from the previous night's dinner as a reward ad he considered that truce enough.

Azriel hadn't properly spoken to you since the fateful night in your room, where in his sleepy jealousy-addled mind he had thought boisterously flirting with you the way that Eris or Cassian would could be the way that he could sway your affections. He was so jealous that he thought he could out-Eris Eris at his own game and it backfired, horribly.

He not only made a fool of himself, but had actually worried you. Instead of swooning over his flirty words, you had instead became worried thinking he had been going mad. He didn't know whether to apologise to you or to pretend like it had never happened, but it didn't matter because he had barely seen you this past week.

You had constantly been with Nesta and the rest your book club or with Madja working or showing Eris and Lucien around Velaris. He's also pretty sure he saw Rhys and Feyre sneaking out to breakfast with you. At this point you were regularly hanging out with everyone except for him, he even saw you having tea and biscuits with Elain, Mor, and Amren. You were spending more time with Amren than him.

Whenever he would catch you he would ask to properly make plans and talk, but you had brushed him off every day this week with a different excuse. First, it was busy, then it was you already had plans, by the time you hit the seventh excuse and said that your fox was attention depraved and needed one-on-one bonding time it was getting ridiculous.

Everything should have been fine between the two of you, so why were you ignoring him. He doesn't think it's the remarks he made because your sleep-addled brain was likely not processing anything as much as he had been. He knows you get cranky when you're woken up, and you're so focused on complaining that you're tired that you can't fully process anything going on around you. He found it adorable, actually.

So Azriel sat on one of the living room sofas and continued to interrogate the fox.

"Okay so blink twice if she's upset with me again and sneeze if she isn't."

The fox looked at him deadpan. At this point he was judging Azriel too and who could blame him.

Time passed and the fox continued to blink, unaffected by the words of the shadowsinger.

"AHA! I KNEW IT-"

Azriel stood up so quickly that he had lost his balance and toppled over the couch.

"Introducing the most feared warrior in all of prythian. Asking animals for love advice and toppling over couches, be afraid."

Cassian was cackling and Azriel was looking up at him deadpan from his position on the floor. This only made Cassian laugh more which led to him spilling his drink all over the floor.

Nesta walked in holding a rag like she was already anticipating this was going to happen. "Why are you acting like this is a new thing you haven't heard Azriel talk to him yet?" She points to the fox.

Cassian's face goes straight and then he erupts in laughter clutching his stomach and bending over unable to catch his breath.

"Mother help me." She throws the rag over his face and went over to help Azriel up.

-

Lately, you've felt like you're being followed. You can't escape the feeling of being watched, you swear there are phantom eyes peering over your shoulder anytime you leave the house of wind.

If you had known any better, you would say that you're being followed, but you have a feeling you already know who the perpetrator is, and you would rather accept ignorance's comfort than deal with the burden of truth.

Truth would be a blow taken to the walls you have built up; one that could be strong enough to tumble them completely. Your defenses have been lowered since your emotionally charged discussion with Azriel, but he wasn't deserving of your unyielding attention anymore.

You didn't even want to give him half of it. The idea that he would only now start becoming drawn to you because of this bond that he knows nothing about is a bitter poison, just like the one you are currently infecting the plant on your desk with.

The plant sits on one of Madja's dark oak working desks in the back of her office adjacent to the vials of mysterious glowing neon liquids boiling on burners with different colored flames. The liquid you're working with is a dark purple boiling on a flame of pink.

You need to infect the plant with a mercurial disease, one that slowly drains its life force, only showing external signs of danger when it's teetering on the brink.

You will then try to heal it back to health with one of the various bubbling potions and elixirs you have been working on. Open books were strewn everywhere accompanied by the quills scattered from your note taking.

Black ink spilled on empty pages eerily reminding you of the spies lurking in all the corners of the room, likely reporting your movements back to your alleged stalker.

You knew that they were spying on you from the difference in how the shadow he gave you behaves and the shadows he sent. Although they are scattered in the room, you could recognise where the shadows hide. You look at the potted tree that sits in front of one the bookshelves and see that the shadows are a bit darker than usual and that they are a bit sharper. The movements are calculated and rigid and you know those shadows are on duty.

You try and go back to your work. You've been ignoring the owner of the shadows lately your confrontation took a toll on you and you just didn't want to deal with him.

You've been getting to work early and staying late, Madja doesn't know whether to be impressed or concerned. Every time you try to evade him the Mother always has another plan.

It started when you misplaced a vial that you had been brewing all day of a possible healing potion. Exhaustion and frustration had taken a toll on you and tears began brimming in your eyes when you saw the vial rolling towards you on the ground.

Since then random things have began appearing, always in your aid. Random baked goods you've been known to like, caffeinated beverages during your afternoon slump, misplaced items being mysteriously found, and even a bowl of steaming soup one day when you forgot to eat.

Confronting who is behind this would lead to a lot more confrontations that you just weren't ready to face and let's face it you were so tired that it was a huge help.

You mentally reprimanded yourself for looking forward to the ministrations of your little helpers and you told yourself that if you told him you would be giving him the satisfaction, so you would continue to pretend like you don't notice.

At this point you were fighting a ghost; the push and pull of your feelings towards the shadowsinger were something that had been brewing inside of you and while you had partially aired it out there was a lot more brewing under the surface.

You looked back at the plant, the vivid green colour had begun to slowly fade, and you knew that the toxin had begun to take effect. Just a few more minutes and then you could start experimenting with your various potions.

You had been there since the morning and had lost track of how many hours it had been since sunset. Madja and her apprentices had all left hours ago, leaving you muttering to yourself in her study. You looked more mad scientist than healer, and you knew that if anyone saw your current state, they would be very alarmed and slightly terrified.

When you focused on something, it consumes you; the mere thought of it takes over your mind until you can only focus on that one thing, and right now it was your research. You've heard rumours of a disease spreading throughout Prythian, one that is immune to healing magic due to its degenerative nature.

Your head began to spin. How long had it been since you've eaten? It must have been a little while, but it must have been longer since the last time you had felt the fresh air on your skin.

You sat down on one of the chairs and put your head in your hands, hoping that it would offer you some respite from the sudden onslaught of dizziness.

A knock on the door interrupted your thoughts. Did one of the apprentices leave something behind?

"Come in." You try to say as normal as possible, but even that comes out weary like the exhaustion has even worn down your vocal cords.

You feel him before you see him, cobalt siphons glowing under the darkness of night. Wings tucked in and hazel eyes twinkling with the reflection of the stars that shimmered on the hilt of the weapons he bore. A warrior in a place of healing. A destructor in a place meant to fix and heal.

The glow of the candlelight made him look softer; the lines of his face were much less harsh in this light and even his shadows looked less sharp. He almost looked at place in the warm golden golden light surrounded by life and knowledge, you swore the shadows cast by the plants and books had almost turned towards him beckoned by his call.

Right now, he wasn't the terrifying shadow of a warrior's blade, perfectly honed for destruction and so sharp you could barely see it. He was the sun's shadow at dawn, the respite after a long, cold night, lazily stretching out over the horizon. He was the shadow that children play with, the one you find comfort in when your truly alone.

He approached you carefully, like you would run away from him screaming if he got too close. He placed a bag on the table next to you and knelt in front of you.

Picking up your head from your hands, he looks you in your eyes, scanning your face to see what's wrong. His cold gloves are a relief on your warm skin and you begin to close your eyes exhuastion taking over.

"Hey hey. Stay with me now." The words quickly leave his lips and you look up remembering where you are and who your with.

He pulls out something from his bag and hands it to you. Bringing it to your lips you drink what appears to be some sort of enchanted water meant to enhance hydration. Madja must have put him up to this.

He leaves you for a moment to collect yourself, you can't even form words at the point of exhaustion you have reached. When was the last time you had an actual conversation with another individual?

He walks around, taking in the state of your workspace, the various books, potions and piles and piles of notes. You know he's been trying to catch you, trying to spend time with you, but anytime you haven't been here in your little lab you've been with different members of your family to try and make up for lost time.

The back and forth between self-isolation and completely locking yourself up has caused you to burn yourself out. He knew it, and you knew it. Ignoring him was a bit selfish and petty on your part, but you don't have it in you to pretend to care at the moment.

You can't help people if you don't find a cure, and you can't find a cure without working.

You feel your temperature start to lessen and your head is growing less hazy, whatever liquid Azriel had given you had worked wonders.

"So are you going to lecture me now and drag me outside my lab because I will give you the same answer I gave Rhys-"

He cuts you off with a sigh.

"I would never tell you what to do, I only wish you would take care of yourself more." He looks at you, his eyes carrying the weight of secrets that he knew he could never spill. The feelings that he lost the right to divulge.

He would never command your attention directly and after his attempt at trying to emulate Eris had greatly embarrassed him he decided to follow his own approach. Azriel's love was a silent whisper in the dark, it was not meant to be loud or seen for that would defeat the purpose.

If he could make your life only a little bit easier that would be enough for him, he didn't need your care or your devotion the promise of your wellness was enough for him. He was told to back off, but he just couldn't watch you slip away into your work so he sent his shadows to be your silent assistants.

The honesty that shone in his eyes was enough to have your resolve crumbling because this was the Azriel that had admired greatly for so long. The loyal Azriel who would put other's first and cared more than he would ever let on.

He pulls out a sandwich from the mysterious bag he had brought and hands it to you, grabs a chair, and plops himself down directly next to you.

"If you're not going to slow down, then at least let me help you. Whatever you wish me to do, name it and it will be done."

He speaks each word like it's a promise and you look at him wide-eyed, "Do you not have spymaster duties to attend to?"

Without missing a beat, he says, "This is my priority at the moment, any other task is secondary."

You look up at the Mother, she really isn't offering you any sort of respite. Oh well an extra pair of hands is an extra pair of hands and you needed the help considering just a moment ago you were teetering on the brink of collapse.

You begin to eat your sandwich, feeling your energy levels slowly rise. "Alright, but this is only for tonight."

He nods, a look of surprise written across his features like he couldn't believe you didn't shoo him away and that you were actually letting him help. His shadows even perked up and began excitedly swirling around. Is this how your mother felt when she told little you and Rhys that you guys could help her in the kitchen?

You immediately realise that you have never had anyone directly assist you in your lab. You were very particular about each and every thing, which led to you declining help because having someone else in your space was unpredictable and could lead to events out of your control, like how you and Rhys accidentally burned the dinner you were helping with and then were banned from the kitchen by your Mother.

You began giving him instructions on what herbs to grind up, and for each one, he would ask what it was and what it did, asking questions and even looking surprised at the potency of a mere plant. You were actually very excited to tell him about everything; you couldn't talk about it with the healers since they were already so knowledgeable and you didn't want to bore your family to death with idle talk about plants.

He would ask what would happen if you combined various plants and why certain mixtures had to be prepared the way they did. You excitedly divulged on how the properties of certain plants could be enhanced or completely change when mixed with others or exposed to heat.

He stayed out of your way and followed your directions to a tee. When your plant had began to show external bruising you cut it up and began to apply the different elixirs on the different pieces of decaying plant.

Azriel just sat back and watched you work in awe and had his shadows transcribe notes for you in scathing detail, looking it over just to make sure they didn't miss anything. He knew you always complained about how time-consuming the write-ups can be post experiment.

You were on your last elixir, a lilac liquid that was about the same thickness as mud and had smelled like rock dust. The midnight sky was beginning to lighten into a similar color as the potion and you feel your eyes becoming bleary from staying up all night.

Azriel moved your hand to spill a few drops on the final plant stem fragment and you watched the graying decay stop in it's track. You smiled to yourself.

It's not a cure, but it's progress. The first big sign of progress you had made. You look over to Azriel, and he was already looking at you and smiling. His arms were out and next thing you knew, you were buried in his arms, both of you happily laughing.

He picked you up and spun you around. You don't know why the last few times you've seen him have always when you've been so sleep deprived that your inhibitions are borderline non-existent.

He looks away for a moment and nods towards his shadows. They wash over your workspace, like a tidal wave of night, and when they return to him you notice that everything on your desk is in order.

They swirl around his shoulders and he looks proud that he could help you in any matter he could.

"Come on, let's go home." You tell him, scared of the direction this was going in.

He packs up the bag that he brought and holds out his hand.

"If that is what you like, then so be it." You thought he was going to winnow you, but instead, he leads you out the door and down the hall towards a golden spiraling staircase.

You follow him until your senses are assaulted by the elements. Wind on your face and the light that flirts with the horizon. You may have been doomed but your sleep schedule was obliterated.

You walk over to the edge and take a deep breath. You had spent so long cooped up indoors that you had forgotten how nice it felt to feel fresh air on your skin. You go up to the railing of the roof, and Azriel follows, standing right next to you.

He was silent, and you were glad for it. The lack of words somehow made this moment even more intimate, and you cursed your treacherous heart for the way it beat perfectly in tune with the shadowsinger, as if you were playing a duet.

"I don't know if I ever told you this, but you truly are a genius. You are truly in your element. I could spend eternity watching you work and wish for an eternity more only to see it again."

His voice is shadows and whispers and everything you have to fight yourself to get lost in.

Light breaks over the horizon, and a sliver of sun catches the gold in his eyes. You can't even tell which is brighter, and you think it may be the smile he wears. He's looking at you as if you were the first light of day after a hundred years of night, you see awe, admiration, and something else you don't want to read too much into because it would be your ruin if it were true and your destruction if it were false.

That you could immortalise this moment and never let it go. That you could pretend that all the history and pain had never happened and you could just be existing like you were right now.

"I used to think the same way when I first saw you fight with your shadows. Before, it seemed like they controlled you, but those times when they become an extension of you, you become night incarnate, and it never fails to leave me in awe."

Your voice is soft, your words a silent admission, for his shadows are an extension of himself, and while many look away in fear, you admire them and by extension him. Azriel has fought in wars, he has won valor and admiration from his time on the battlefield.

He has medals and a title that only a few warriors can claim and in the face of all he has achieved this single compliment from you may be the single greatest accomplishment that he has achieved in his long fae life. He wishes he could imprint your words on his skin and wear it for the rest of his days.

His cheeks redden, you notice. The almighty shadowsinger doesn't blush. Have you embarrassed him? Did you say something wrong? Oh gods maybe you shouldn't have said anything about the shadows.

You open your mouth to apologise when he swiftly scoops you and shoots towards the sky.

"Azriel!" You yell at him, the surprise of the moment catching you off guard, and then he is laughing. You guys soar through the skies, taking in the beauty of the sunrise. Lilac, gold, pink and orange blending together in perfect harmony.

You are so entranced you didn't even realise you made it home until Azriel plops you on your feet and you almost sink to the floor tiredness hitting you all at once making your legs feel like jelly.

He smirks and then picks you up bridal style and triumphantly carries you into the house, with the stealth that one only obtains from years of being a spymaster. You felt like you were teenagers sneaking around after you'd been forbidden to see one another.

It's a feeling you're cherishing a lot more than you would care to admit. It's not until you make it to your room and his shadows close the door behind you that he begins to grin before throwing you on your bed.

You land with an "Oof."

You give him a look of betrayal.

"I had to make up for being softer on the landing than usual somehow."

You both look at each other and burst into laughter.

The mask of the spymaster left broken in tatters somewhere on the floor of your lab hours ago, and he didn't even care to look for it.

"Who knew you had a had sense of humour Az. Where have you been hiding it all these years?"

You had called him Az. At this rate he would turn into Cassian, stupid jokes flying from his mouth in rapid succession just to hear you call him Az.

"Is that what you want for me to turn into another Cassian?" He asks jokingly, well at least half joking.

You looked at him and then doubled down on the fit of laughter you were having, tears streaming from your eyes.

"As much as I would love to see that, I think Cassian would throw a temper tantrum at you taking his spot. I like you as you are, you are my calm in the everlasting storm, becoming a clown doesn't suit you."

You say as you begin to catch your breath from all the laughter and wipe your tears from your eyes.

He doesn't understand how you could just make these world-breaking statements and just look completely fine while his stomach was in knots and his heart was in a twist from your words alone.

He gives you a small smile, one reserved for only you, and he begins to depart. You needed your rest and so did he.

"I would tell you goodnight, but I'm afraid we are way past that at this point. So until next time, I will bid you farewell."

He looks to you to see you already strewn out on your bed fast asleep. He leaves his shadows to change you into your nightclothes and make sure you are comfortable in bed and he smiles to himself as he closes your door and heads to his room where sleep welcomes him instead of drags him under for the first time since he had fallen asleep in your room.

-

Your words to Azriel about his assistance being a one time thing had turned into a lie. He would show up at odd hours whenever he had down time, sometimes before a mission sometimes directly after.

You guys had fallen into a routine of sorts, and it was actually helping your productivity and you got to get out of writing those treacherous reports.

You had preferred him to come at night though, since an Illyrian warrior did tend to draw a lot of attention during the day and all the apprentices and even Madja herself give you a knowing look whenever Azriel enters the building.

You had been getting a lot closer with your final result with Azriel's help and while you haven't fully figured out a way to reverse the cell degradation you had managed to stop it and in combination with other potions you, with the help of Azriel, had developed you could at least stabalize a patient enough that their life could be saved.

Huge progress. Groundbreaking progress. The night you had made that discovery you let out a scream so loud that Madja came rushing in from her dwelling on the floor above. Her worry had quickly turned to elation as you guys stayed there excitedly reviewing your work while Azriel just silently lingered in the background.

She then brought both of you into a bone-crushing hug with a strength that no one her age should possess, and made you present your findings to all the healers at her monthly briefings and then again to the inner circle.

They were all eyeing you and Azriel curiously, you weren't surprised by this since they knew that he was your mate and everything that had gone down since that discovery.

Right now you were still tinkering with the potion, seeing if there was a way to make it more effective when Madja had walked in with a smirk.

"Your shadowsinger is here to see you." Mother above you swear she could be worse than the adolescent apprentices at times.

"He's not my anything, you don't have to say it like that." You give her a retort and feel like your back in school pretending you don't have a crush.

"If you say so." She says shit-eating grin plastered on her face. The lines around her eyes reflect all the years and experience she has on you, and while her words were lighthearted, there is wisdom behind them.

Azriel strides in looking frantic, his shadows were rapidly swirling around him, and he was obviously in a rush. He rushes to you and grabs your arms in his hands.

"I have a mission, it's urgent, and I don't know how long I'll be gone."

Your heart fell, you're going to miss his company, but he is never this way when he goes on a mission. You then realise why he's here. He doesn't know if he's going to make it or not.

You've only seen him this way on a handful of missions, and each time he returned from one, he had come back on the brink of death. His line of work asks for payment in the form of risk and for once you wanted to ask him to stay. You had a bad feeling.

"You have my shadow if you need it. If anything happens, you can tell him." Azriel tells you like he is briefing his soldiers for war or his spies for a mission.

You nod your head scared your voice would betray you. You hide your face in his chest and he wraps his arms around you. Half the reason was you wanting to be closer before your separated and the other half is to hide the tears threatening to spill over your waterline.

You stayed there for a minute until you felt the pulse of his shadows. He's being called somewhere. He has to go.

You pull away and his hand goes from your head to caressing your cheek wiping away the stray tear that begins to fall.

"Come back to me in one piece. I mean it Azriel." You whisper to him like commanding him to be safe would protect his life. You gave him a lifeline, but even that wasn't enough to soothe the worry beginning to bloom in your chest.

"I would fight the Mother herself if she stood between us. I mean it." The words are a vow and you knew he spoke the truth.

Before you could say anything else he disappeared in a wave of shadow, leaving only a small silver bag in his wake. You can't bring yourself to open it not right now.

You knew in your chest that Azriel was not going to be back for a little while if at all. You fall to the ground and cry as Madja holds you together.

-

The next 2 weeks had felt like an eternity. No word from Azriel, Rhys refused to divulge what kind of mission he was on, and Cassian missed his training buddy. Even your pet fox seemed down in Azriel's absence.

You opened the silver bag a week later, and it had been a little plush bed for your fox with a note that read:

"For your new apprentice, may he keep you good company in my absence. - Az"

You missed him. You weren't even going to pretend like the questioning eyes of the healer's apprentices silently asking you where your Illyrian went and if everything was alright didn't get to you.

That the occasional stabbing of fear and worry down the bond didn't cause sleepless nights and that you woke up from countless nightmares, clutching your chest to make sure the bond was intact and he was still alive.

14 days it had been.

The longest 14 days of your life.

You were in Madja's, well basically your, office when you felt him. He was near. He had to be. You felt the bond light up and then start screaming and then he emerged from the shadows.

Your excitement had quickly turned to horror as you saw that the leathers on his chest had been singed, almost disintegrated off and his skin was a darker color than the shadows.

"Azriel!" You screamed physically and mentally for Rhys, for Madja, for anyone who could hear.

Rhys was there in a second, and Madja right after, running through the doors. Feyre, Cassian, and Feyre winnowed in mere moments later.

A jolt of pain like you never knew burned in your chest and you felt the bond flicker.

Madja rushed to her shelves, quickly beginning her work, no time to spare to even process what's happening.

Rhys looks at you with a look of complete panic on his face, "What's happening? You can feel him."

"He's slipping away Rhys. I can't-"

Madja yells your name, a reminder that the longer you spend panicking over Azriel's, the less time he has to live.

You rush to Madja, the bond act like a physical hourglass making you feel Azriel's time slowly run out, and race against it to save your Mate.

-

Somewhere which also happens to be nowhere the Mother is about to make her next move when she sees Azriel's piece, which is ironically white and not black like the colour of his shadows, has a gray spot. It's the gray of ash and destruction not the gray of swords and stones.

She looks at face, confusion written in her features to meet an identical expression.

"This is not my doing. Not even when time ceases to exist and we are all that's left in this plane of existence would I resort to this kind of cheating."

The gray begins to burn through the piece, a visible plague infecting it from within.

The Mother and Fate pause.

He stills. "You don't think?"

He couldn't even get the words out, scared that the dark reality would come true if he even spoke of it.

The Mother's features become grave. "There is a dark magic in Prythian, I fear it's now up to them to stop it."

part xi

-

Note: Hey guys, long time no see. This is actually the longest chapter of why me? that I have written. I wanted to make up for the little break that I took. I felt like I had lost my footing in the story and now I really know where I want it to go. This chapter did take a turn or two or three, but at the heart of this chapter is their relationship and those good moments that we haven't seen that many of. It's the first chapter that I can wholeheartedly say they are being their true selves and it felt really good to get to the point of writing this. I'm sorry I had to leave it on a cliff hanger, I can't be too generous, I have to keep you guys on your toes. Gasp** a dark magic? I guess you'll have to stay tuned to find out what it is. Until next time my darlings!

note note: At this point you all know I have a problem with editing, it just takes so long to write you can't ask me to sit down and basically rewrite it again what am i a professional? (in truth i am just lazy). So thank you to my typo police that catch anything that makes the story slightly illegible I appreciate y'all and all my readers for following along with me <3

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The Bond of my Bond (Part II to The Enemy of my Enemy )

Azriel x HewnCity!Assassin!reader

Summary: You're an assassin working for Keir and you are one kill away from buying your freedom. Your last kill? The shadowsinger of the Night Court. What happens when the lines between enemy and lover become blurred and you can't figure out what side you're on?

The one where they capture her after her attempt on Azriel's life and now they have to figure out what to do with her - Will she be sentenced to death at the hands of the shadowsinger or will he have mercy on his mate?

Part I if you missed it!

-

In the depths of the murky darkness, there is a light. You feel like you're drowning under a tidal wave of inky black, flooding all of your senses and even polluting your mind. You are fighting against this living darkness, but you feel yourself being dragged under it's murky surface.

You can't see the light, but you feel it's presence. It's a lighthouse in the distance shrouded by fog so thick it's invisible. You feel it in your chest and go towards that lighthouse when the darkness immediately ceases, and your senses come back to you.

You open your eyes and find yourself in some sort of living space. Large and comfortable with multiple couches surrounding a fireplace. You don't know where you are or what happened.

You try to get up only to find that your hands and legs have been bound together by rope. You inhale and the smell of ashwood floods your senses. Your magic is useless meaning you're stuck here for now.

You finally begin to recall the events that brought you here. How your attempt to end the shadowsinger had gone awry and you had not only failed your mission, you had also found out he was your mate. You assumed the high lord who came to the rescue of his spymaster had been the one to knock you out and bring you here.

Why he would bring you to his personal residence and not his dungeons is beyond you, being the shadowsinger's mate had its privledges it seems.

Mate. You had never imagined you would ever have a mate. You had always been so focused on trying to gain your freedom, being able to be your own person and decide things for yourself. You had never had time to imagine what having a mate would be like, you didn't want to think that someday your mate would come and rescue you from the life you had been bestowed.

You're snapped out of your thoughts by the sound of footsteps behind you and the cadence tells you that it's the high lord accompanied by his general.

They walk up and each pull up a chair in front of you. Each with a menacing look on their face likely directed at you which is a fair assumption since you did try to kill their brother.

The high lord stares you down, an intimidation tactic maybe? You've dealt with and taken down enough powerful men that this tactic falls short on you.

You meet his eyes and calmly ask, "How is he?"

At this question shock and then rage coats the features of the two males sitting in front of you.

"You dare ask when you're the one who poisoned him?" Rhysand lashes at you.

He regains his composure. "He is fine the bond has likely told you as much."

You knew he brought up the mating bond between you and the shadowsinger to make you squirm. You were able to school your features into a look of indifference, but at the mention of the bond you felt it pulsing in your chest. You knew that he is alive and you know that he is both angry and devastated. You couldn't blame him, he found his mate and she tried to kill him.

"Azriel told us you're from Hewn, so we reached out to Keir and asked if he wanted to take you back to Hewn for your sentencing." Rhys says nonchalantly like he's talking about the weather and not your fate.

You couldn't even hide the fear that flashed in your eyes at the mention of going back to Keir. After failing such a mission. He would kill you and revel in your execution, the sinister man. Well that's if Beron didn't get to you first.

"He refused and said it was a Night Court ideal. I found it odd that Keir would never turn down a free execution considering he's Keir which is when I put it together."

He stands up probably just to show you that he can, reminding you how powerless you are in this instance. "You must be one of his rumoured personal assassins he's lending out to other powerful figures."

You don't react. You are now very aware of every little thing your body language signals to him. Your life is in the balance now, and any slight misstep could lead to your imminent death.

He stares you down. "Who sent you?"

He is met with silence. You're going to refuse to talk for as long as you possibly can, each word that you utter would only place a bigger target on your back, so silence becomes the safest option for you.

"You do know I could just go into your mind and extract the answer for myself right?" He asks pointedly.

The implications hang in the air. You were trained against his kind, but who knows what he could have done while you were under. But again, let him see your mind. Let him see how he left those to suffer in Hewn banished to rot beneath the earth's surface while he lives lavishly in the Night Court.

"Then why didn't you do it already?" it's not a good idea to provoke the most powerful high lord in Prythian's history but you had a feeling he was bluffing and at this point you have nothing else to lose.

His expression shifts. He looks as if he is elsewhere. You realise he is probably speaking mind to mind with someone, likely the shadowsinger.

He gets up and motions over to the general who had just been there as a witness it seems. Eyeing you down, analysing your every move like you were his opponent.

"I don't believe in barging into people's mind without their knowledge. I have to go attend to something, but I will be back."

He begins to walk away and then pauses. "Consider giving me an explanation or letting me into your mind, it would be easier for all of us. I don't want to sentence my brother's mate to treason."

And with that, he leaves you to your own devices, alone in this foreign room in the Night Court with an unfamiliar mating bond tugging at your chest.

-

About an hour had passed. You were left with nothing to do, but think. In the final hour of your life, your death looming like a sword hanging by a string above your head, you realised that you had nothing to show for it. No family, no friends, no allies. No possessions either material or personal.

You had lived as a shadow, always doing someone else's bidding, whether it be your parents or Keirs. You had been fighting for freedom for centuries and had nothing to show for it. You didn't even know what you were going to do once you got it.

Haunted by the ghost of all that you didn't have made you focus on the mating bond which had surprised you. Nothing in your life had ever gone right for you it's not a surprise that it wouldn't start now. The Mother had dangled this mating bond in front of you to punish you.

He would never want you. Maybe before, but you had tried to kill him, and he nearly let you. You had been given a lifeline and you cut it off mistaking it as a noose.

You feel him before you hear him. You feel the mating bond become less taut, and then you hear the footsteps. They weren't the regular silent steps he took, you knew he wanted you to hear him.

The footsteps get closer and you refuse to turn your head. He takes Rhysand's seat and your mate is now sitting in front of you staring you down.

His face was unreadable; this was the stoic mask of the shadowsinger staring through you, eyes bearing into your soul. The bond flinched and his eyes flared, reacting to the bond.

At this point, the bond was radiating in your chest, almost yelling at you to go to him. The wants of the bond are very different from what was currently happening.

He clears his throat. "Did you know? That you were my..."

He couldn't even bring himself to call you his mate and you don't blame him you can't bring yourself to do the same.

You almost trip over your words, quickly denying this claim. "No no. I had no idea."

His face doesn't even budge.

In a voiice scarily calm for someone who was sitting in front of their attempted murder he goes, "So if not to rid yourself of a mate then why?"

Nothing more and nothing less. No threats of torture just a simple explanation.

You think for a moment, unsure of what you are going to say or if you would even respond, but a voice within you sways you to tell him not wanting him to think it was personal.

You take a breath and slowly go, "Your death was the price of the only thing I have ever wanted. The one thing I have been working towards."

You pause for a moment, trying to gather the words. "My soul has become marred from all that I have done. Your death would have freed me from the hell I've been living in, I don't think I would have survived much longer should I stayed."

The bond betrays his unmoving face. You feel something akin to understanding ripple across the bond and then a feeling of betrayal, and you don't know if it's directed towards you or the bond that's broadcasting his emotions to you.

He looks to you and takes a breath. "What you have done to me aside, I don't think anyone should be further punished after suffering through all that you have been through. For that alone I will tell Rhys to spare you." His eyes soften a little and then immediately harden.

"Do not take my mercy as an acceptance of the mating bond. As my mate, you are dead to me. I will eventually reject this bond once you are acclimated enough to this court. You will have my civility, but not my care." His eyes are daggers piercing you with every word that spills from his mouth.

He doesn't give you a chance to respond as he suddenly gets up and leaves the room.

The possibility of rejection had the bond in your chest screaming. You feel a weight on your chest, heavier than anything you know. It wasn't even you who had suggested the rejection, but the bond punished you either way almost begging for it's life.

In less than a minute after Azriel's departure footsteps enter the room. These footsteps were those of a heel, very different from the others and a voice you thought you would never hear again begins to speak.

"My name is Mor, Rhys sent me here to see if you would rather prefer talking to another female. While he wants to figure out your reasonings he also wants you to be comfortable."

She is too busy undoing the ties on your hands and wrists to register who you are. She finally gets them off and sits down in front of you and time stood still, you swear even the Mother had held her breath.

"By the Cauldron." Her voice is almost as low as a whisper, pure shock written across her features.

"Long time no see Mor how many centuries has it been?" Your words were meant to be lighthearted but the heaviness of your tone betrayed you just like she did all those years ago.

"You're..." She trails off still looking as if she had been looking at a ghost.

"Alive? I know it's surprising I didn't just stop existing when you had abandoned me in Hewn." You sound as if you're making a joke and not expressing centuries of hurt that her abandonment had left you.

"I was too focused on making it out I didn't realise... and when I did I heard your father had been killed I thought she would've killed you too." Her face is almost pale with shock and guilt.

Your best friend. Your only friend during your years of suffering in Hewn, the one who left one day without saying goodbye or coming back to rescue you from the same torment she had freed herself from.

"Well you can thank your father for that. He saved me for a price." You give her a smile and she looks horrified. She knows how her father operates and all about the guild of assassins that he runs through his unethical recruitment methods.

Out of everyone that you had talked to today, she was the only one who had truly realised the gravity of the situation that had led you to make an attempt on the shadowsinger's life.

You watch her begin to slowly put the dots together. Everyone always forgot how smart she was, the first thing they always see is the fancy clothes and jewlery, but Mor is one of if not the smartest person you had ever known.

"He was your last kill wasn't he? For Keir to allow this means it must have been someone really powerful."

You just stare at her, waiting for her to place the final puzzle piece.

"Beron?" You nod, confirming her suspicions.

Tears begin to well in her eyes. You know that she understands that your life was now at stake. That you could never truly be free without Beron and his men hunting you down.

She grabs your hand. "I am so sorry for everything I should've come back for you."

She wipes her tears and looks at you with the resolve of a warrior. "You will be under the protection of the Night Court from now on. You will be no one's prisoner from now on and you will reside with me in the high lord's residence. You will work with us in the coup against Beron and will be free after to live your life wherever and however you want."

Your eyes begin to well up with tears and she pulls you into a hug. You both break down in sobs, friends reunited after so long.

"You don't have to forgive me, but let me do this for you. Consider it my apology."

She pulls back and wipes her tears.

She starts laughing. "Come on, let's go tell Rhys. He is going to be pissed."

She puts her arm in yours and leads you down the hallway to Rhys' office.

While you didn't have your mate, it was nice to have your friend back. You were still upset with her about everything but her presence was a comfort that you didn't even know you missed.

She takes your hand and marches you over to Rhysand's office like a toddler marching their new friend that they met at the park over to a parent.

She stops you at the door and you hear a myriad of voices inside.

"Hold on for a minute this might get ugly." She warns you and then fearlessly opens the door.

She cheerfully makes a beeline for the high lord. "Rhysieee."

He looks at her suspicious and then looks you to and then looks downright agitated as he looks back to Mor.

The shadowsinger scans you over, likely noticing how you are free from your constraints and freely wandering around and then suddenly your view of the room is obscourd by the dark mahogany door slamming in your face.

He had his shadows close the door for him. Bastard.

Just to taunt you a little more a shadow slipped under the door and started giddily swirling around you. You almost smiled at the shadow's antics when it's tail was harshly yanked under the door.

It had fought back circling around your wrist, trying to take you with it but the shadowsinger's hold was too strong and it disappeared into the room in front of you.

Muffled voices could be heard through the door, but you couldn't make out any of the words. You did notice that both Mor and Rhysand's voices had gone from soft whispers, her likely telling him your predicament, to full-on yelling.

Now you could hear them through the doors.

"She tries to kill Az and we're rewarding her by letting her roam in the Night Court and giving her a position in the inner circle?" You could definitely hear Rhysand now.

"She will die if you release her Rhys, Beron's men are hunting her. I owe her my life she is the only thing that kept me going when I was in Hewn and I repaid her by abandoning her." Mor's voice was lethal.

"Besides, haven't you left the women of Hewn to suffer enough?" The temperature dropped.

"One conversation with her and you're already turning on your family Mor." Rhys' words were meant to strike and Mor responded leaving silence in her wake.

"She's Azriel's mate and my friend. She is family one way or another."

The temperature drops and the door slightly creeks openand next thing you know there is an Illyrian warrior on top of you.

The door swung open from the impact of you guys falling on the ground and the other 3 inhabitants of the room went silent.

"Oh hey... it was getting a bit tense in there, so I was trying to escape." The red-siphoned Illyrian warrior says guiltily while crushing you.

Azriel sighs as if he was asking the Mother for patience and then comes over and picks Cassian up off of you. His shadows help you up and even dust you off. They had shown you a lot more care than the shadowsinger and you are starting to prefer them to him.

If only the shadows were corporal you could be mated to them instead of this moody bat.

"Do I even want to know how much you heard? I really need to ward this door." The high lord begins to mumble to himself.

This court was a diplomatic disaster it's a wonder how they were able to run so smoothly.

Rhysand straightens up and looks at you. "I will allow you to remain in my court so long as you are helpful to me in staging the coup that will lead to Beron's death."

He looks between you and Ariel. "Azriel will be in charge of your assignments you will work under him."

Azriel's features reveal his protest, but they are immediately schooled back into their mask of indifference. He was having a conversation with Rhysand in his mind, you could tell.

Frustration and helplessness flood the bond, they are feelings that you know all too well. Feelings that only come up when you know you are at a total loss of control and the worst was coming.

Azriel nodded at Rhys.

"Azriel will be in charge of you during your time here, if you endanger anyone or step out of line in a way that threatens any member of my court he has grounds to deal out whatever punishment he deems necessary including exile or death." Rhysand says diplomatically, like he isn't putting your life in the hands of the man you had tried to kill.

Azriel's face betrays none of his feelings, either good or bad. All these years fighting the battless of the high fae, forced to do the bidding that they deemed below them, and now you were to die at the hands of your mate. It was poetic almost. Your last kill gone wrong, a tragic love story in it's own way.

Rhysand realises the error of his wording. Your lack of trust for men in power due to the things you have seen in your line of work.

He immediately scrambles to reassure you. "I assure you Azriel is a good male. He is very diplomatic and will not let his feelings get in the way of work."

Cassian tries to add on his own words of reassurance but they go awry. "Yeah! Azriel is so good at suppressing his emotions he's been doing it for hundreds of years."

Cassain looks surprised at the words that came out his mouth and quickly scrambles to correct his words. "Wait no. That's not what I mean-"

Rhysand facepalms. Mor laughs. And Azriel well lets just say he looks as if he is ready to rid himself of everyone in this room. His lack of patience with Cassain displaying itself on his face.

Great the next thing you need. A mate with emotional constipation.

Azriel sighs and holds his hand out. "Let's just get this over with."

You look at his outstretched hand confused. What exactly were you meant to do with this?

He looks downright done with your presence, let alone this whole ordeal. "A bargain because trust is not something we can count on right now. You will have more than just my word so I can assure you, you will be safe in your time here."

How can he say things like this and expect you to not be at least a little bit curious as to how the mating bond would have worked out. His loyalty and benevolence are apparent even to a stranger such as yourself.

You look at him hesitantly, but you comply putting your hand in his. The bond sings happily and immediatly heats your chest with a feeling of comfortability and calm.

You can tell he feels it too because he starts looking incredibly uncomfortable.

His shadows use the connection of your joined hands as a bridge and excitedly start circling around both your arms. A few of them come to you and start swirling around you, nestling themselves in your hair. One of them even circling your wrist.

At this he begins to look upset, obviously trying to reign them back in but only able to get a few back on his side.

He takes a breath and looks at you, "From now you will serve the Night Court in the coup against Beron and you will work with me until he is either dead or no longer a threat."

"While you are in Night you will be free to roam, you will not be a prisoner of me or my court. After your service, you will be free to live your life however you please."

He pauses and you can tell it's because he is trying to select his words carefully. Bargains like this are binding and any miswording could damn either one of you.

"You will be under the protection of the Night Court from now on, and, by extension me. I will make no moves to harm you unless in a dire situation and only then in self-defence. You are safe in Velaris but should you leave with me on a mission I will protect you from danger with blood, limb, and even life if it comes down to it."

You look at him in awe. You're his mate and he despises you and even then he would lay down his life out of a sense of duty.

He gave you his life it's only fair you give something in return. You begin to speak, "My loyalty lies now with the Night Court and not to Keir or any party he has hired me too. I will help you in whatever way I can and give you any information that you require. I work under you now, and should I betray you now or in the future, I will be prepared to lay down my life at your hands."

You shake your hands and they begin to glow. A binding light eminates from your joined hands, coating the entire room. The bond lets out a sound of satisfaction and you both feel a tug, flinching at the same time.

Warmth spreads down your arm and when the light dissipates, you notice that your arm is now covered in inky swirls of black. They formed an intricate pattern starting from your elbow to your fingers and they looked like Azriel's shadows.

You noticed that the swirls on your ring finger wrapped all the way around, like a makeshift ring.

Azriel begins to almost frantically take off his left glove, revealing deep burn scars etched into his skin. You knew Azriel had seen pain, but to have experienced something so horrific that it had left such a mark even with the fae healing left a heavy feeling in your chest.

At this, Azriel looked at you and then immediately at the finger on his left hand, which now had an identical thick band of swirling black around it as well.

It seems the Mother does have a sense of humour. Now not only do you have a constant reminder of Azriel on your body, you also have a reminder of the mating bond where a wedding ring would have gone in another life. One where you didn't try to kill him, one where you were more than just jagged edges deemed to cut anyone who tries to put you together.

Azriel is speechless, he doesn't know what to say without having his words betray him so he chooses silence.

Cassian breaks the silence, a shit-eating grin on his face as if he is enjoying this whole ordeal. He pats your shoulder and goes, "Congratulations I would now like to officially welcome you as a member of the inner circle of the Night Court."

Mother help you.

-

note: I am genuinely having so much fun writing this story I think I'm going to extend it to a series. I am lowkey anti-editing (because I am lazy), so if you see a typo, we can just pretend it isn't there... I know I said I would lock in on why me? but this story is flowing more for me right now! Thank you to all my lovely readers and as always until next time darlings!

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Azriel x assassin was so good im desperate for more

I’m about halfway through with the next instalment so be prepared for that next 👀