madamelucs-blog

[madamelucs-blog]

[madamelucs-blog]

Being bordeline

I am borderline. Borderline between what and what – you might wonder. If we think about the theory of voices in your mind – people ask, „How did you get there, behind the curtain? But the only thing that they want to know if they might end up like you. I cannot answer the question. All that I can say is the fact that you can lose yourself into delusions.

It is really easy to fall into an alternative universe. There is a lot of them – The world of insane, evil, wounded, dying and maybe for the ones who are already dead. These worlds exist on the border with ours, they might seems the same, but they are not fully in our world.

All the borderline feelings crash you down, eating you up. It seemed as if I were in a theatre with the leading role. Then the cherry waves broke over my head. The whole world wasnt holding me back. I knew it – I was completely crazy.

„So what comes next?“ I asked myself.

„A lot of darkness will destroy you,“ I answered my own question.

A lot of people are trying to overcome these situations. They make perforation in the membrain in their heart. Opening a new way of existing – But what if the way out doesnt exist anymore? I know what its like to be in the paralel universe, where no law of physics really aply.

What comes up doesnt come down. The sleep will drain you instead of keeping it all together. There is also the rule, that every action will have consequences. Time is weird, sometimes its spinning in circles, goes back and sometimes it tumbles. In this place all those things float because of the fact that they are not put together. Tables can be clocks, faces can be flowers and the reality is destroyed as much as your heart. Then the self-harm becomes necessary as a healing for your soul.

You will find this out soon enough. When I was in an asylum, something was different. Reality changed into an obscure prostitute that ate all the stories of others for dinner. All the misguided ghosts were also trying to heal themselves.

Another weird function of paralel univers is the fact that if you once get there, its easy to see where you came from. Sometimes the world can be big and full of magic. And sometimes its a twisted circle.

How can you fight the loneliness? I would like to know the answer. I sigh under the touch of my own insane thoughts. This is me and I need to accept it somehow.

Who is this monster that cariess my name?