manasv1

[manasv1]

I wish I was optimistic enough to call my museum of failure the gallery of trying. I wish I was optimistic enough to climb the mountain of experiences instead of drowning in the ocean of regrets. I wish I was optimistic enough to say I am trying to achieve success instead of believing I am trying to avoid failure. But at the end of the day, I am still walking through the boulevard of broken dreams to visit the graveyard of my ambitions. At the end of the day, I am still standing in front of my worst nightmare, the tree of 'what ifs'.

[manasv1]

[manasv1]

what is love?

I've never felt it, I've never done it. But the closest thing to love for me is the notes app folder filled with things related to you. Closest thing to love for me is the Pinterest folder dedicated to you. Closest thing to love for me is the playlist filled with songs you love. Closest thing to love for me is leaving you because I couldn't love.

[manasv1]

Happiness?

I have forgotten what happiness is. I have forgotten how it feels. I remember laughing so hard that my stomach cramped up and the joy of seeing movies but not the accurate feeling of happiness. I can't recall the last time I felt it. Nowadays it's just a satisfaction because I know I won't have that particular feeling again. I have become too cautious to be happy.

[manasv1]

There's a universe where I'm not there There's a universe where I'm an orphan There's a universe where you're not there There's a universe where I'm dead But there's also a universe where I love you back I was hoping it would be this one but somehow it isn't

[manasv1]

Narcissistic

All the emotional scars I gave myself thinking you gave All the pettylies in my mind saying they deserve me I made myself the victim god knows mwhy but I don't even believe in him so he would deny

Deny knowing anything about me anyway cause even he doesn't know all my shades I act like the victim, the one who got hurt my whole life is portrayed as a hyperbole

I may be the one hurting you again and again but I'll never accept it even if it came to my face I'll deny and deny until you give up I'll tell myself to keep my chin up

But I'll say sorry for all the miscellaneous things be it seeing your phone or a mistaken touching ill not speak up when you're absolutely wrong and just agree to everything like a broken song

[manasv1]

Tears

Things were heard tears were shed unspoken things made my mind a wreck

Tried being quiet but the unshed tears came out as if they would disappear

they betray me at the worst of time but at least I can call them mine

[manasv1]

Faceless

You're not in my life I haven't seen your face, have I? You're just someone faceless and my friends call me shameless for being in love with a shadow we won't walk in the meadows

and I'd be lying to say that it doesn't hurt you're not here you won't comfort me when I'm in fear that you're just an art of fiction and that you're not even real

[manasv1]

What about me?

I forgive too easily and I hate myself for it so I never got the apology I deserved well suck it

What if it doesn't get easier like everybody says I don't know how far I have to go to feel like I am there

I want to scream, please don't expect too much from me I am terrified and scared that this is all I'll ever be

I still grieve for the person that never got to exist I urge that version to come but she always resists

I am sorry that I am not everything you imagined to be but I am tired of trying so go seek her for me

I don't know exactly what it is that I want but I know for sure quite literally this is not

I am afraid that I am walking on the wrong path but I have already come here and it's too far to retract

Failing hurts more when I know I used to achieve I had so much potential but I lost it in the spree

[manasv1]

Sometimes I love how much I hate you but at the same time, I am scared of how much I love you