#narcissistic behavior

[femmefatalevibe]

Femme Fatale Playbook: Questions To Ask When Evaluating Your Relationships

Whether it's a friendship, colleague or professional relationship, romantic/sexual relationship, one with a family member, mentors, or with yourself. Here are some questions to ponder when trying to evaluate someone's true character and intentions. Consider the following if you think someone is trying to deceive, manipulate, love bomb, or blindside you in any way.

Do they live with integrity? Not the "I'll start tomorrow" type of integrity, but do they live in alignment with their general life philosophy, opinions, and values?

Do they take accountability for their actions, behaviors, and mistakes? Listen to whether they acknowledge their role in how a situation played out automatically when recounting a story to you. Even when another person is at fault, do they see the situation objectively? Do they play the blame game to make themselves appear like the innocent victim at all times or try to see how their actions may have consequences for others?

When you share your successes with them, is there immediate action to double down on making you feel good or do they automatically claim your win by telling them how it makes them feel or feel about you?

When you make a mistake or share a failure with them, do they seek to understand/offer support, try to distance themselves from your claim/actions, or provide unsolicited advice?

When offering criticism, do they judge your behaviors, attitude, and actions, or do they immediately start evaluating your character?

Do they engage in conversations to win or understand?

Do they make assumptions about your or your perceptions before hearing what you have to say about a particular situation? Do they ask or assume how you're feeling?

In a conflict, do they initiate a conversation by opening a dialogue or immediately jump to criticize you? Do they speak about an issue with you first directly, or do they try to get others on your side behind your back before confronting you?

Are they loyal to you, or do you believe they can "switch sides" at any time? A friend to all is a friend to none.

Do they seek connection or perceive you as a source of consistent attention? Do they ask you how you are or go on endless monologues about themselves/their struggles? When speaking about yourself to them, do they ask questions and seem curious or act dismissive in an attempt to redirect the conversation back to themselves?

Do they put effort into acknowledging your needs, interests, or preferences? Do they do favors or nice things for you that don't necessarily benefit them or relate to their interests, purely because they know you would enjoy it, without having to ask once they know you well?

Do they respect your boundaries? Do they react with understanding and compassion or rage and condescension if they cross them?

Do you feel supported or like you're nagging when expressing your needs to them? Do they value your input or say they do yet dismiss your needs through their actions?

Do they more often say or show that they're a good person? The more someone needs to validate their character, the less likely they've confronted the truth about themselves.

[whatwedoinsilence]

Abuse comes in waves. So does pain.

You spent months being civil with each other, kind even. They do things for you, buy you clothes, groceries, say nice things and ask about your day. And you start to forget. You start to feel guilty. Why did I hate them? Why was I angry? Why did I want to leave? That was awfully mean of me. They need me. If I leave, they'll be all alone.

Then it all comes crashing down. One little thing lights up the flames and sparks a reaction. It happens fast, but feels like it lasts a lifetime. They say "things they didn't really mean", they "let anger get the best of them", and you're at the receiving end, scared, alone and not able to react.

And you start to remember. You place this memory with all the others, like a bunch of crystal ornaments on a shelf. You start noticing the patterns. You even make excuses for them. I was too loud, too aggressive, too mean. I deserved it. I deserve this.

Hours later, when you're safe and sound in your room, the reaction finally hits. You cry and sob, you want to scream but know you can't. You want to leave but have nowhere to go. You have no choice but to stay put and feel the pain. The pain from this moment and all the others that preceeded it. The pain from all the chances you had to leave but didn't take. The pain from all the instances you believed they changed.

And you know, once they wake up, it'll be like it never happened. Kind words and kind gestures, all over again. And you have no choice but to play along, otherwise who knows what might happen.

Every week. Every month. Every year. A new little crystal ornament for my collection. A new memory for me to obsess over and try to prove to myself that it wasn't that bad, that I barely got hurt, that it could've been worse.

I wonder how long it'll take for the next ornament to arrive. I wonder if I'll have enough space for it on the shelve.

[lobotomyladylives]

whatever the hell going on with the user is soooo over dramatic, like there’s a war going on they care about some fetish blog run by some racist

oh they love comparing their situation in the states to I/P as well lol

[nothing0fnothing]

“narcissist” is not a mental health diagnosis, NPD is. you dont get diagnosed as a narcissist, you get diagnosed with NPD and can choose to call yourself a narcissist or just a pwNPD.

Someone with NPD can be abusive and it can have nothing to do with their NPD, someone without NPD can be abusive and it can have everything to do with narcissism. “narc abuse” is just a description of how the survivor was abused, not an attack on people with NPD.

No survivors of this particularly incidious type of abuse are not ableists for calling it what it is. No the sub reddit Raisedbynarcissists is not a cesspool of bigotry and ableism because the people within in recognise their own horrible experience and know what to call it. No you are not the victim in a total strangers abuse simply because you have a cluster b disorder. Get your head out of your ass.

[mysoulsecrets-blog]

Narcissist play nice when it's convenient, Someone who runs hot and cold acting like your best friend one day and ignoring you the next, but we as injf's are looking for consistency,

The relationship between a narcissist and an empath is one sided as Empaths are attuned to others’ emotions and are sensitive to feelings of other people. We tend to prioritize the needs of others ahead of our own and give without being asked. We feel deeply and feel good about helping others so much so that we absorb others’ emotions. Empaths tend to be overflowing with compassion for other people.Given our great amount of compassion, we as empath are prone to absorbing the emotions and energy of others. When we meet a narcissist, the energy we sense triggers something in us that ignites our need to comfort the narcissist, it’s likely that we empaths have formed a trauma bond with the narcissist, which can be hard to break out of or even recognize. the narcissists will discard the empath instantaneously—adding insult to injury for us empaths. The narcissist will be quick to find another victim so they can continue to get their narcissistic supply.

Because Everything for them is surface depth.

[poetrybyonur]

According to psychologists, it is an evolutionary phenomenon, a survival instinct, that we remember negative experiences, like hurt or pain, more than we do the positive. All the things one did that were positive are often negated by continuously choosing to hurt someone. What a tragedy to always be remembered for the pain you caused someone. It is what they will take with them to their dying day. Cherish your friends and loved ones now. Never choose to hurt them. Because that is what will stay with them forever.

[i-know-it-all-baby]

[coffee-scripts]

You made me promise to stay

And I did, I did everything I could

But at the end of the day, it was you who stabbed me

And it was you who left me to bleed

[rheashann-blog]

Narcissistic Abuse

It's not me, it's you.  Narcissistic abuse wears you to nothingness. You feel unloved, unworthy, and small.  You question your sanity which is exactly their game. You're the problem, you're always the problem.  You go out of your way to be kind, understanding, loving, and they use you until they find someone new. Then it's the lack of conversation, disappearing, no emotion. Sterile turns into less and less.  If you question, you're wrong. It's you just fabricating things in your head. Stop making issues you're told. So you say nothing and fall into darkness you cannot crawl out of.  But you can. You will and they will put you there again. It's a vicious cycle that only you can stop. Narcissists hate strength, they don't want you to have it.  Rise from the depths my loves. Wipe those tears, stitch together the broken pieces, and hold your head high.  Let them know who YOU are. You are worthy, you are important, you are beautiful, you are strong, and most of all, you are LOVED. 🖤

-Maeven

[femmefatalevibe]

Hi I was wondering how do you deal with a toxic family member? How do you handle situations in which they are manipulative and gaslighting you?

Validate your own emotions and experiences

Practice emotional differentiation. Prioritize your own feelings and goals

Learn the psychology behind guilt-tripping, shaming, and people-pleasing & how it's used to manipulate/gaslight children of narcissistic & other types of emotionally immature parents

Implement the "grey rocking" technique during conversations (be "boring' and emotionally flat; don't give them the emotional reaction they crave)

Go as low contact as humanely possible (no contact is the best option). Never initiate a conversation unless its absolutely necessary (logistical issue, emergency, etc. if needed)

Keep them on an information diet. Don't tell them anything about your life that is not vital for them to know

Don't try to change their minds. Just say "You're right," and disengage

Set boundaries on conversation topics/them criticizing your character. Say "I'm not engaging in this conversation." Stop replying, hang up the phone, or walk away

Live your life with them out of sight, out of mind as much as possible. You deserve to live in peace and be happy, no matter what these toxic family members say

Hope this helps xx

[whatwedoinsilence]

When I leave, will you miss me, or miss screaming?

Will you miss me, or miss having someone to blame?

When I leave, will I have the guts to come back? Or will I be so different that home will finally become somewhere, someone, else?

Will you miss hugging me more than hurting me? Miss my smile or my tears?

When I leave, will you see reason, and beg me to come back? And will I? Will I abandon all my senses, all the time I've spent bettering myself, all the tears I cried and the nights I spent praying and begging God that you'd change?

Will I grow once more blind to the demons that live in your shadow and just jump into your open arms? Will I think you've truly changed, as I did so many times before? And will my heart skip a beat and ache once I realise that once again you have not changed anything but your lies?

When I leave, don't forget you're the one who shut that door, all I did was lock it.

[chaos-in-one]

The narc abuse truthers found my blog

Anyways I will never stop telling y'all to sit down and shut up because you're ableist dickheads and don't deserve a damn platform to spread ableist bullshit about my disorder

I do not care that x person in your life was a narcissist and abusive. Genuinely. I do not give a fuck about how they where an abusive narcissist or any of that shit. What happened was shitty but it is not a goddamned excuse to throw an entire group of suffering mentally ill people under the bus because they share a disorder with the one who hurt you. And it never fucking will be.

You all are entitled fucking pricks.

[vizthedatum]

The thing about describing narcissistic abuse (or other forms of emotional abuse) is that the people reading who don’t get it will straight up think you’re crazy and/or ableist. They will scoff at how deep the emotional abuse can go and how much it has damaged you. They won’t understand how it’s a pattern of codependency you have developed since childhood - or even something you were trapped into. It’s straight up psychological manipulation, and we are the perfect targets no matter our education, intelligence, race, gender, etc. Even the abusers themselves (unless they’ve done the very difficult and painful inner work to recognize their patterns) will not get it.

Other survivors will get it.

Find them.

You will find patterns in common, and they will validate and believe you.

(Or in my case since I’m queer and poly, band together as a polycule and make weepy love (well only sometimes))

[contentment-of-cats]

Understanding the narcissist's war dance

Humans are social animals, and we socialize happily for the most part. Narcissists are predatory humans who view other humans either as prey or competition, sometimes both, For instance, in 2009 my then-employer went under and I needed some gigs to keep things afloat until I could find another job. I picked up a writing gig, which leg to other gigs, and I am still writing to this day.

In the shock of becoming unemployed after 12 years, I made a horrible mistake. I told my mother who saw this not as a chance to support and encourage her daughter, but a chance to get things her way.

Now, mind, I had worked for my mother - I created her website from scratch in 2006 (for free) and maintained it (for free) until she lost interest in something that wasn't giving her the adulation she wanted. It was a popular site, just not popular enough. Her vitriol against those in the same silo was considerable. She didn't want to be part of a community, she wanted to show up with a pedestal, stand on it, and be given her due. She was a shitty boss, and ultimately I told her to find someone else to handle it, as I was working full-time and wanted my time off to be just that.

She started one of many campaigns to get me to move in with her. It was waged in typical narc fashion. I'd be talking to her normally, and the next thing she'd be screaming, accusing, fake-crying. The next tactic was a barrage of emails and mailed letters. She'd have people call and email me for her, people I didn't even freaking KNOW.

All of this was what I came to call my mother's war dance. In nature, a stoat or other weasel will do a war dance to frighten and confuse it's prey. Say, a rabbit. It will do this:

Small, short, frequent attacks to wear down the prey.

And strange, crazy dances.

We social animals freeze in confusion and fear. This is not normal behavior. The narcissist is counting on this. Frozen animals are easy prey, and the ones that run or freeze will do nothing to help. It's a survival mechanism - as long as it's not you. Overcoming those deep ancient brain emotions is like an arm-wrestling match with yourself.

It's hard to get away from a narc, harder still to stay away. I resisted, found a new job, and kept up with the writing. Extra income was good, and I could crank it out. Well, she found out in 2012. I was doing something she had always prided herself on, been well-paid to do and facilitate. And she could not stand it. She demanded to know who I wrote for, she wanted to talk to them. I refused to say. When I came to visit, I caught her trying to crack my password on my laptop, and she unloaded on me - I walked out.

Narcissists want the prey to freeze. When you don't, when you push back, won't give them what they want, refuse to be a rabbit, refuse to run, then they will go to full attack. The people around you will run, hunker down, become flying monkeys, and fighting back is hard. They use people against you, and we social animals can give in. It's easier to become prey or run.

My technique:

So, think about the level of Cluster B that you can live with. Think about whether you need to run (no shame in that, Narcs can be terrifying). Think about how much of yourself you are willing to give up in order not to be torn to pieces, and then get ready to give up one piece at a time until all that's left is bones. Or hope that the narc will be satisfied after a few mouthfuls and let you limp away - bleeding, wounded, and living with the scars for the rest of your life.

Coming soon, more Narc 101.

[poetrybyonur]

It’s what toxic people do. It’s called conditional love. Opportunistic love. Loving you only if they get their way, but belittle and mock you publicly when you don’t let them manipulate you. After you have seen that they are capable of self reflection, yet they choose to be this way, you know this is who they are. It is their personality. It is their choice. And I choose to remove them from my life.

[ninepentz]

Elon musk wants to be relevant in this world so bad. He really took it upon himself to see a platform like twitter where a bunch of people were already gathered, enjoying themselves in their own "bubble" and thought he could gain our attention, praise or even validation. If you think about it, that's the only reason he wanted to include himself in an app that was there way before him. The man owns tesla and space x, you can't not be hungry for power or status to own companies as big as they are. I think people don't understand how much of a ego maniac he is, he's good at pretending to be humble and low key about it too. Thinking he's our messiah or something

God I loathe tf out of him.