manyasaxenawrites - Tumblr blog

[manyasaxenawrites]

[manyasaxenawrites]

female rage in literature is very personal to me

[manyasaxenawrites]

And truly,    do I sleep? What does it mean    to disconnect       from the real – to enter a world entirely new –          entirely false,    or is it – to leave the false and embrace a reality, ever-changing?

And more so,    I ask, do I dream? I’m told you can’t see another’s face in that realm – but yours is there, so ever clear,    so,       I ask, what does it mean, to dream?

When waking life is so cartoonishly silly, and sometimes awful, and sometimes wonderful, that I can only help but think it’s all a ruse, and, truthfully –

I never remember waking up.

Always opening lidded eyes to strange new worlds that I do not, and cannot, know –

What does it mean, I ask, to exist and know and – what does it mean to feel?

[manyasaxenawrites]

[manyasaxenawrites]

Found amazing Spoken Word content on Spotify that I decided to make a playlist for it. Give it some love and appreciation.

[manyasaxenawrites]

What is worse than not being loved? Knowing that no one loves you.

[manyasaxenawrites]

“are u ok” no i want to leave the country and start over

[manyasaxenawrites]

I've never found sunsets to associate with hope, if anything they are the most depressing of the things.

[manyasaxenawrites]

hi, sorry to interrupt your scrolling, but I just wanted to remind you that you are beautiful and loved. thanks! carry on

[manyasaxenawrites]

Happy Birthday!! 😘

Thank you 😊

[manyasaxenawrites]

The best love stories are the ones which lasts enough for you to love and find yourself and ironically they are also the worst.

[manyasaxenawrites]

The night I realised I needed therapy

It was 2 in the night, and I was watching

a reaction video on my phone. It was 2

in the night, so I let my mind go and let

it roam freely wherever it wanted to. It

had been on the leash the entire morning.

It was 2 in the night and I didn't anticipate

what might happen.

I remember distinctly that I was breathing

fine. I was breathing fine, a moment and

the other I was racing along with my

thoughts. It wasn't too late, and my body

started racing around my room too. It was

2 in the night, so I decided to not wake

people up. People, what people? I'm alone.

Sometimes I wish to sleep this feeling away,

but if I sleep now, I'll be caged in my mind

where my sleep demon awaits my arrival,

and I am not ready for that rendezvous.

Hence, I'm awake. Trying to breathe, trying

to sleep, failing at both.

I clearly remember, meeting him, them,

when I briefly closed my eyes. It happens,

not a lot but in the night, when it's 2, that's

the only thing that my brain does. When I see

them, I don't see colors, I don't hear their

voice, I see them and I see myself through

them.

When I look at myself, through them, I see a

sack of blood and flesh, lying on the bed,

Immobile and frozen. I see a pathetic body

not even trying to fight it, using the 21

seconds rule as an escape to not move. It's

almost as if she wants to stay in this state

forever.

When I see myself looking at me, I feel

frantic. I hate myself at that moment, but I

can't, I just can't move. I know if I stood up

right now, I'll fight it. I'll fight with everything,

I'll run away, and I'll be gone and if I lay there

all night, without moving, my judgement

would stare me down and leave me in my

misery.

They are getting closer with each thought

that chokes me. I want to break the barrier

and just hide in the bathroom. Why am I

resisting this? They are here, reaching out

to me and there's nothing more for me to do

than join them and live in this vulnerability.

[manyasaxenawrites]

ज़िन्दगी का फलसफा भी कितना अजीब है शामें कटती नहीं और साल गुज़रते चले जा रहे है.

- पीयूष मिश्रा

Translation -

How strange is the philosophy of life, the evenings do not end and the years are passing by.

- Piyush Mishra

[manyasaxenawrites]

25. Anxiety

One moment you are sitting still,

the other you're not. The worst

moment for anxiety to hit is

probably when you least expect

it. Can you expect it though? It

waits for you to be weak, or to

be your happiest self. It strikes

when you feel nothing and then

your whole world comes collapsing.

Anxiety, holds you hostage in your

own body. Sucks your soul and

keeps it that way, lifeless and

unattended. It's the feeling of heat

in an air-conditioned room, the dip

in your heart while taking a dump,

the paralyses induced when you

hear about that one trigger that you

just discovered is triggering.

ANXIETY, the word is enough to

render you inactive, perplexed,

agitated, sad, and all the other

emotions you can't name. This

blank document writing itself

and bringing within it the anxious

scrolling while the heart still dips

and beats in tones not understood

by me.

[manyasaxenawrites]

24. A paranoid hate poem

The walls piercing through their plaster,

as if watching me, mocking me, there

are four. I'm locked in a room and my

demons are feeding on my mind. The

bed shakes sometimes, and sometimes

it refuses to move, it holds me close

and screams that it'll never let me go.

I'm locked in a room and my demons are

feeding on my mind. My bookshelf sits

there, waiting for me to run my fingers

through it like I used to, but I don't have

that childlike enthusiasm left in me like

I had in November. I'm locked in a room

with my demons who never let me sleep.

I'm locked in this room with my demons,

and they are feeding on my soul. I'm

locked in this godforsaken room, seeking

an out and these demons are sucking the

life out of me. I'm locked in this room

awaiting my sweet release.

[manyasaxenawrites]

I know it's a difficult time and a difficult world that we are living in. I hope you haven't lost your hope. I won't say that it will get better because I don't know if it will but I'm certain that we can live this through, one day at a time. I hope you all the power and strength.

Love and prayers your way.

[manyasaxenawrites]

23. PSA

Breathe in........

..2

..1

........Breathe out

..4

..3

..2

..1

Repeat