mar9iech

[mar9iech]

Strip Bare

Even when I strip myself bare Still, I cower in the dimmest corner Even then, I admit I still care Still, I tremble Inconsolable Oh what lurking fear of what you'd think of me How suddenly it's crystal clear to eventually see the real me.

©mar9iech (first posted: Nov 2021)

[mar9iech]

Permanent and Simple

Here I am darling Three a.m. in the morning Even after you're long gone I'm still trying to find the words to say to you

Hear me darling Free me from dying Prayers be the songs of mourn I'm still singing to bind you close to my own rescue

Dear my darling Beloved, my everything In a world's so wrong and worn There's nothing as permanent and simple as my love for you.

©mar9iech (first posted: Apr 2021)

[mar9iech]

If You Love Me So

You know, if you love me so, please let me go

I know I can never look into your eyes and beg for more goodbyes, I can never say it loud enough and stand tough

Don't just hold me and hold your peace like nothing is wrong; Why won't you ask me, "Why all the tears, what's wrong?"

If you love me so, Don't even question if it's just another joke And no, it's not an illusion; Hear me as these tears flow, Watch me scream while I choke as I've fallen all silent

I know, you love me so Please, please let me go.

Feb 15, 2009 ©mar9iech

[mar9iech]

Grief is an Anchor

Shame, the shackles heavy on the ankles Guilt, the gasoline fuelin' in between

It's a race you're losing for time's forever a foe who stops for nothing No rewind or pause

You, alone, must flee non baggage-free You run until you're numb from the person you've become

It's a one-way adventure caught in a motion Deep seas and desert land Will one ever understand: that grief is an anchor and tears are an ocean?

©mar9iech (first posted: Jan 2021)

[mar9iech]

A Wanderer

A wanderer came to know she has nowhere, and anywhere to go

A wanderer came to learn a pattern: anywhere to turn, nowhere to return

Freedom is a prison she carries beyond reason

©mar9iech (first posted: Jan 2021)

[mar9iech]

A Beat is a Beat

Do you remember when we left our hearts in the ocean? When we sailed around and around and around, wishing the waves would sway them back to us? The wind, it pushed us farther to the shore instead

Now here we are with our feet in the sand See, sweetheart from here we stand, though broken and would never really mend There on the horizon, a beat is still a beat even if it's not the same

I know we now have to part ways and dance around this ocean of time Still, a beat is a beat even if it's only mine.

©mar9iech (first posted: Feb 2020)

[mar9iech]

Beauty Queen

She's a beauty queen (So everyone says) She's one happy princess (No she can't be mean)

Oh such a busy queen! (She, everyone adores) I'll tell you her chores: (Everyone, but her own kin)

Look at the way she smiles, (Does anyone notice her blue eyes) and oh her laughter everyone loves! (and all those tears when she laughs?)

… She's a beauty queen (So everyone says) One happy princess (What does that even mean?)

©mar9iech (first posted: Feb 2020)

[mar9iech]

Not Enough

I'm confined to this time and place where we're not face to face, eyes to eyes and heart to heart

I still think of you Maybe more than I have to All we have is love It's just not enough We found all but the middle ground And it broke me to let you go For I know you'd stay around; Tell me this hurts less and you're not a mess

In case you wonder why We're both cowards, baby It's a little too late, baby You and I

But maybe time will fall into place when we're back face to face, eyes to eyes and heart to heart

It may sound like a cliche But I meant it when I said that I I hope we'd forgive each other one day After all, we never really said goodbye.

©mar9iech (first posted: Nov 2019)

[mar9iech]

Dear God,

I'm relearning everything of how I see things I'm seeing how You're showing me new beginnings

I am nothing that's how ugly I'm feeling but Your Word says I'm worth noting

I am void and in You only, You see to it that I'm made whole and fulfilled

I am broken but it's necessary, for certain, for Your grace to do all the healin'

My soul, it constantly grieves All these tears and my heart in pieces It takes griefs to know Your love gives me peace

… Each thorn deep hidden and long forgotten You bring forth to surface for me to own and face:

Here I am, untangled ball of emotions unbridled and for as long as I can recall, years and years of anger unresolved

Past regrets and mistakes Missed opportunities and all those places I never got to go, I need to let go

… Forgiveness is hardest What about the apologies I never have? But to know You've forgiven me first, why can I still not forgive, not even myself?

Oh the humility of being stripped to owning almost nothing to knowing one last single thing: You're the utmost security of everything I need

Before I can love again In grief, I need to love me It's never about me, me and me But to understand the unshakable fact that You have loved me first, and that should be more than enough For me to love even me.

©mar9iech (first posted: Oct 2019)

[mar9iech]

The Worst Fights

The worst fights of your life are best fought and conquered within yourself.

©mar9iech (first posted: Aug 2019)

[mar9iech]

Familiar Mess (Obviously)

My mind's a chaotic clamor of questions needing answers So much you struggle to utter knowing it no longer matters

When you're just one tiny box among the crowded blocks in someone's head (No warning ahead!) They can decide to just put it aside whenever they like, whenever such needs strike

The heart aches and the heart breaks The pieces freeze before they leak into tears

One thing is certain: the heart never seems to learn Swore I'd never settle for less but here 'tis, a familiar mess And it's all on me, obviously.

@mar9iech (first posted: Jul 2019)

[mar9iech]

In a Loop

Everything's changed but what we've had I can't escape I can't escape

Everything unsaid and what we said They're in my head They're in my head

When we were mad, mad We turned sad, sad, sad We're so afraid We're so afraid

Honeymoon phase and intimacy fades I miss you so bad I miss you so bad

The way our lips danced The way we embraced You're in my head You're in my head

… I hope we'll forgive each other We did promise forever You're all I've had You're all I've had

©mar9iech (first posted: Jun 2019)

[mar9iech]

it all comes back to you

[mar9iech]

Six Feet Under

A part of me died that day Six feet under in the gray.

@mar9iech (first posted: Mar 2019)

[mar9iech]

This Woe

For everything else we so stubbornly refuse to own, At least this woe is sternly mine alone.

@mar9iech (first posted: Mar 2019)

[mar9iech]

{—Yann Martel, Life of Pi/Guillaume Apollinaire, from The Sirens/Olin Ivory, from the poem "Bad Year Anthem by Matthew Nienow, Poetry/ Khalil Gibran, Sand and Foam}

[mar9iech]

Ocean of Secrets

They called me ancient just because I was innocent She called me self conscious when I was really just being honest And my love… she was sick of my holier than thou attitude And it hurt more than it should

Those past hurts you're still battling to unravel These present battles You're only getting worse And the secret love you can never speak of

I am she A woman I am the sea An ocean of secrets within secrets.

@mar9iech (first posted: Mar 2019)