marchwardenofmordor

[marchwardenofmordor]

Hot take: Silm as a film?

Please for the love of fuck let Gwendoline Christie play Mairon/Sauron

PLEASE

[marchwardenofmordor]

I 100% adore the Lord of the Rings movies, but the fact is that the Arwen-Is-Dying-Because-Ring-Magic plotline makes zero sense by the lore (if I’m wrong please correct me I’d love to learn). Don’t get me wrong, it works great for the movie, brilliant, in fact, but it doesn’t really make much sense in book logic. Why would Arwen’s fate be tied to the Ring? If she’s mortal now she can’t Fade, and if she’s still Elvish there’s no reason why it should affect her more than anyone else.

BUT, I was watching the extended scene where Aragorn looks into the Palantir and Sauron speaks to him in Black Speech and shows him pictures of a dead Arwen and smashes the Evenstar (Which is a whole other The-Books-Call-Bullshit shebang), and I came up with my own in-universe explanation.

Sauron: *Chilling in Mordor*

An Orc of some kind: My Lord Mairon (Because THAT is what they would call him), the spies have come back from Rivendell.

Sauron: Show me.

Magic Evil Spy: *Shows Sauron the image of a mortal man of the race of Numenor making out with an Elf lady who looks suspiciously familiar…*

Sauron: OH HELL NO!

Evil Spy: Indeed, Master. The Heir of Isildur lives.

Sauron: Get rid of her, now.

Evil Spy: Right away, Mast- her?

Sauron: Yes! Yes yes yes, I don’t care what it takes, get her out of here.

Evil Spy: My Lord, but surely, Isildur’s heir-?

Sauron: Do not harm that man, you hear me? Do not lay a finger on him until she is taken care of.

Evil Spy:

Evil Spy: Are you sure-?

Sauron: Was there a dog?

Spy: A dog, Master?

Sauron: Yes, yes, a dog, a big one.

Spy: Not that I could see, no.

Sauron: Oh well thank Eru for that, at least.

Spy: Are you feeling ill, Master?

Sauron: No, and I’d like to keep it that way. Arwen annihilation is priority number one, ok? And don’t you lay a finger on her man until I say so, got it?

Spy: Alright then…

Sauron, still looking at the image: HE’S GOT THE RING OF FELAGUND!!!

Spy:

Sauron: KILL HER KILL HER KILL HER KILL HER KILL HER RIGHT NOW!

[marchwardenofmordor]

In order to stop the culture of faking orgasms, we need to stop the culture of shaming others for their sexual experiences.

Can’t get your partner off on the first try? Cool. You can still be thoughtful and make them feel good.

Can get your partner off within 30 seconds? Awesome, good for you both, don’t let it get to your head.

Can make someone cum in less than 5, but for others, it’s a process that takes an hour? That’s alright, everyone’s different. 

Does it take you 30 minutes to cum? That’s okay, you’re not broken, you’re not a failure.

Does it take you 10 seconds to cum? That’s great, you’re not a slut, you’re not overly sensitive or dirty. 

Can’t cum without toys/vibrators? That’s awesome, that’s a valid part of sexual play!

Can only cum with loving, vanilla sex? That’s perfectly normal, and you will find lots of great partners to experience that with!

Can’t orgasm at all? THAT’S ALSO COOL. It’s not a bad thing, you can still enjoy sex TONNES just like others.

Orgasms are NOT the defining characteristic of your sexual prowess. They are great, they’re lovely when they happen, but for the love of science, stop bringing them up higher than they need to be. 

[marchwardenofmordor]

Spiders!

Reblog with your animal. It’s toucans for me

[marchwardenofmordor]

You’re an ancient Greek man coming home from 4 months of war to find your wife 3 months pregnant. Now you’ve embarked on a solemn quest: to punch Zeus in the face.

[marchwardenofmordor]

no sorry i dont really use instagram, i can contact you via ouija board, spirit box, fluctuations in temperature, flickering lights, and certain rituals. i am also on tumblr.

[marchwardenofmordor]

hey we wanna re-think this at all or

[marchwardenofmordor]

Sharing my work here teehee

Have this wee excerpt from Pennod 5 of my WIP - ‘Ynys Arawyn’.

I am no voice actor, though I enjoy trying, so if you heard me get tongue tied… no you didn’t 🤫😂

I was curious as to how my writing would sound as an audiobook, so I made this little unofficial mockup. If it was a fully fledged audiobook, I’d like to compose a score for it myself, and have either myself (if I’m brave enough), Luke Evans or Michael Sheen narrating it. I feel like Luke would do an incredible part as my sad older sorcerer Seithenyn, whereas Michael would work wonders as my werewolf, Gelert, and Rhagfyr.

Background ambience credits go to Sleepy Soundzzz on YouTube, and I’d like to thank the channel for helping me sleep like a baby.

Part 2:

Part 3:

[marchwardenofmordor]

Ok but Geoffrey Chaucer would love shitposting

[marchwardenofmordor]

CHARLES FRÉGER

http://www.charlesfreger.com/portfolio/lepopee-de-jeanne-darc/

[marchwardenofmordor]

No copypasta has ever ruined my life as comprehensively as Hell Fuck Castle. I write tabletop RPGs, and now every time I read a lore blurb about an ancient ruined kingdom where everything was cool until the last ruler fucked it up, my brain whispers "King Big Sad Guy, who did the Flame Thing".

[marchwardenofmordor]

The bulge is to distract you in combat dipshit

[marchwardenofmordor]

Ok so. I am writing and illustrating a novel called ‘Ynys Arawyn’.

It is structured as such:

Prose Chapter | Riddle | Poetry Chapter | Prose Chapter, repeat. It has illustrations throughout and I’m aiming for a medieval book of hours type thing.

It contains fictional fantasy retellings of the history of Merthyr Tydfil and the Ironmasters, the brutal history of Abergavenny Castle, and many more tales sown into the heart of South Wales. It takes inspiration from the works of Shakespeare (in dialect), Tolkien (in vibe) and Welsh History and Mythology.

There are soliloquys, LGBT+ themes, nurturing nature, brutal betrayals, a fight between two magic wielding brothers, sieges, battles of wits, giantess warrior witches, dragons, magical conduits, elves (Tylwyth Teg), fallen stars, werewolves (cwn annwn and Y Helais-Wyllt), ghouls (wrach’ribn), and half-spider monstrosities.

Beware ye, all who enter - here be monsters. Monsters, and men. But which is which? What makes a monster a monster? Can a man become a monster become a man?

It is deeply druidic, wholeheartedly Cymraeg, and very very queer.

Chapter titles are in Welsh, although I am also playing with linguistics to create my own language.

The language of the Coronids - stars, created by and sparkling like dew in the web of the Void Spider Coronach - is written in the round, like the manucript for ‘En La Maison Dedalus’, punctuated with long sweeping lines connecting the phrases, resulting in writing that spirals and connects like a spider’s web. The language itself is a mixture of Gaulish, Cymraeg and Kernowek (I lived in Cornwall for a while), and the language that the elves use is derived from this - given that they studied the stars from the mountaintops - and is pretty much just a more phonetic Cymraeg, and written in linear lines. There are hardly any speakers of the language, since it is mostly used for incantations and spells, and not many elves in the modern day were taught to wield the power of the mountains. But the language is reviving itself.

So far, I’ve written many poems, a couple of chapters and a collection of riddles, some in English and one in my Tylwyth Language (with a translation). I’ve drawn a rough map. I’ve designed the spiralling format of the original Coronid scripture. It’s starting to come together.

I’ve not marketed it yet, nor have I disclosed any of it up until now, as it’s still a work in progress, but if you love the following, I’m confident you’ll enjoy it!

🍎 LGBT themes - main characters!!

🍎 D&D, BG3, The Witcher, Dragon Age

🍎 Tolkien

🍎 Welsh Mythology and Folklore

🍎 Dark, Gritty but Beautiful Fantasy

🍎 Shakespeare

🍎 Linguistics, particularly for ancient languages

🍎 Welsh History

🍎 Enemies to Lovers

🍎 Strong female characters who aren’t “girlbosses”.

🍎 Sad old men

🍎 Lady Knights, Celestial Femboys and Transmasc Monsters, Oh My!

🍎 Riverdance

If it was ever made into a film or series, I’d want this as the theme tune!!!

I’m also looking to get it translated and published in Welsh. Ideally, I’m hoping to work with Y Lolfa. My dream is to make it to the Hay Festival and the National Eisteddfod, where I someday hope to compete as a Bard.

A sample of my art:

[marchwardenofmordor]

Llyn y Fan Fach - Mari Matthias. SUPPORT WELSH SPEAKING ARTISTS!!!!

ATTENTION

If you see this you are OBLIGATED to reblog w/ the song currently stuck in your head :)

[marchwardenofmordor]

“is this character good or bad” “is this ship unproblematic or not” “is this arc deserving of redemption or not” girl…

[marchwardenofmordor]