martyjays

[martyjays]

Forever and Always

[martyjays]

pins by dustonmyboots

[martyjays]

A rhino beetle walking her pet rollie pollie 🎀

[martyjays]

A belated Galentine,

gouache on sketch pad

[martyjays]

honey girl , honey girl ,,,

one of my oldest completed digital pieces

[martyjays]

Reclining Nude, George Hendrik Breitner, c. 1900

[martyjays]

Hey hey, as a librarian, can I just say don’t pace yourself at the library. I get a lot of customers saying “oh I shouldn’t get too many books out at once” but like you should!!!! Max out your card, take everything we have on a subject you’re interested in, make a book fort in your home. We love that shit! It doesn’t matter if you read them or not; just take them for an adventure and bring them back whenever they’re due!

For public libraries, one of the ways we secure funding year to year is lending. Governments don’t want to fund more books if they’re not being used and the way we measure use is by issues. Regardless of whether you read it or not, whether you have it for a day or a month, if you issue it to your library card, we get the stats! It makes the library look good!

Help your local library; get books out even if you know you can’t read them all!

[martyjays]

so no more meant to be yuri?

[martyjays]

wizard advice 🔮

[martyjays]

The Wrong Turn

Guess who's back here? I had a bumpy ride but I made it eventually.

[martyjays]

these are the fleeting moments that cross my path & make me think of her.

the mundane things i would bring beauty to through art just to watch her enjoy them..

Dandelions

[martyjays]

GOD I just want to be CREATIVE but all my energy is being used to survive

[martyjays]

guys what's your methods? personally i think about doctors examining me, works like a charm

[martyjays]

my favourite theme is, women that just don't give a shit anymore. Ft a few of my favourite ladies.🖤🙂‍↕️

[martyjays]

vape in passing.

Why does coming into being queer(afab) & understanding or untangling your emotions have to be so difficult. Why isn't there a handbook or a guidance system. I spent my whole life Loving women having no idea everybody didn't. I thought all women loved women, they just knew they shouldn't be with them, bc they already were them. (Audhd) I spent years pining over friends thinking, that was friendship. I spent years in relationships with men, I never had a romantic feeling for, not being any the wiser.

It's so confusing and complex. I feel the emotions but they're just feelings they don't have labels or terms of triggers and I don't know how to untangle or read them.

Now that we're grown and expected to just know the things we prefer

I stand staring all of my ideals in the face and wishing her well.

Watching her relationship bloom and grow, meanwhile it's with somebody who could never dream of appreciating her, at the lengths or in the ways that I do.

I can't remove myself from the situation because I want nothing more than to see her smile. To know she's happy. Yet I see her with him and see how lackluster everything is. Knowing I can be so much more. Knowing she deserves so much more.

Remembering. All the women throughout my life. I've been in love with, at a depth inexplicable, never having known. Watching them enter relationships, time and time again, with boys that would wring their heart & waste their time. Knowing from the moment his name tumbled from their mouths nothing would ever be the same and they'd never look as happy as they did the weekend before.

Knowing they'll be turning back into my heart to cry or come back to life. Never having a second thought on the hole they left that I've spent the time keeping warm for their return.

Knowing my love for them is unconditional, inexplicable & inescapable. Yet never finding it to be the kind of love, anybody ever needs.

Like a disposable vape. Clutched in somebody's pocket as a crutch for hundreds of thousands of hours upon hours. Their closest friend, their securest confidant, their biggest supporter. yet never their person. Never their thought as they drift to sleep, or see a cute bug, or a pretty sky. They spend every waking moment in the back of my mind, at every twinkle I fight the urge to let them know the lights in the world that mimic their glow. Yet even in their best worst and most boring moments, I don't even pass in a fleeting glimpse. Yet I remain? Confused and steadfast.

Is it me? Do I not feel for them in a romantic way, is it as platonic as my mouth seems to say.

Do they not feel? The things I feel , or do , or give? The lengths I go the depths it glows? Do they feel the genuine intent and clock it as platonic nature and just remain at peace until something more exciting distracts them?

Sometimes I wonder if they even know when I'm there.

Especially when I'm gone.

Sometimes they're gone for weeks. Sometimes years.

I Once, knew their blueprint, I could draw them from the inside out. Starting at their deepest desires, their greatest fears, the make up of their soul, ending at the texture of their skin & the curl of their baby hairs.

Sometimes, I never hear from them again.

I don't get invited to their weddings or their birthdays. I don't get their Facebook updates, or their silly texts, or new hairstyles.

Sometimes I'll find out in passing, but I know, I'll never be someone anybody wants to send things to.

I'll always just find out in passing.

[martyjays]

i really want to try my hand at bringing a fursona to life despite never having been a part of the community or attempting the challenge. I feel like i don't even know where to start