marvellousstawler

[marvellousstawler]

Meat!Roxy was crazy because the evidence for Roxy being Transfeminine - not Trans generally, Transfeminine SPECIFICALLY - has been there since her introduction. And the reading of her being Transfeminine has been enhancing her character since… You know, her introduction.

Roxy being a Trans Girl has been one of the most widely accepted Transfem headcanons I’ve ever seen. It was very difficult to deny it, and even harder to deny the power that a Transfeminine reading for both Kanaya and Roxy gave to the scene where Roxy gives her the Matriorb she took so much time and effort to steal from Nothingness.

The ability to be a mother handed to someone grieving their literal biological inability to have it… It’s powerful. It’s even more powerful if this is someone who knows where that pain is coming from intimately, and the alleviation of that dysphoria brings nothing but better things to the world at such a large scale. From one Trans Girl to another - here is the ability to be a mother, and to use that motherhood to help bring your entire race back from extinction. With the Transfem reading, this scene has brought me to actual tears. It enhances it so much.

So, like, what was the point of all that they did in the Meat Route? It wasn’t for greater character development, most everyone agrees it only did bad things for Roxy’s character. Spite? Is that it?

[marvellousstawler]

Reblog for her birthday! Even though my drawing is probably better now...

I actually had this done in time. I just didn't post it (I've been ill).

Happy Belated Birthday to my favourite Fire Emblem girly, in her Dancer outfit. Thanks for being the subject of my first drawing of a dynamic pose progression.

Oh, you can use these poses if you want by the way, feel free~!

[marvellousstawler]

Late as usual

[marvellousstawler]

Discworld witches for dear Ari ♥ Female characters are one reason why I love Discworld so much♥ Thanks, mister Pratchett for them, for writing just regular girls and ladies doing weird fantasy stuff ♥

[marvellousstawler]

Behold! My daughters! My sisters! My mothers!

Their names are Genie and Desdemona.

[marvellousstawler]

So, months ago, I found my old writing, wrote a post after getting inspired, forgot that I had saved the draft of that post, found the same old writing again (having forgotten that I had found it earlier in the year), got inspired by it again, went to write a new post about it, and found the draft of the old post. Thanks amnesia!

Thus, instead of posting a journal this week because I haven't written it yet and don't really want to do it this evening on account of being inspired, you're getting this draft I made from literally several months ago that I never actually posted. Enjoy?

Oh wait no. Holy crap, I just reread this post before posting it and realised it was a completely different draft from months ago, after getting inspired by my old writing, that I never actually posted. So maybe you'll get that one next week or maybe you'll get it another time anyway who cares read my drivel.

---

So. I found my old writing!

I say “old.” It’s probably from about three or four years ago, I definitely remember showing it to some people at Uni. And I say “found,” I opened my backup folder on my Google Drive. But! The improvement in my understanding of writing and story construction (as well as my capacity to set achievable goals) is so noticeable, that it *feels* old.

As such I spent most of my workday yesterday checking out my old writing on company time. Most people who do this go off about how their writing is “cringe,” but my writing isn’t yet old enough to have achieved cringe. (And the stuff that would be old enough was all lost in the iPad Pages Purge Of ‘16, RIP). But no, in my case, the worst thing I can say about my writing was that it was boring and uninspired. Most of it was more telling than showing because I had SO much to cover, because I started with way too much on my plate.

But beneath the boring stuff there were some genuinely inspiring concepts buried in there, which is good, because the work I’m currently doing is built on the corpse’s corpse’s corpse of a story that started when I was 12. Nisa, my current antagonist, is an explicitly Mary-Sue villain built from my unwittingly Mary-Sue protagonist from back in the day. Typically the compelling stuff is not about Nisa, in fact most of the stuff from the backup folder that could feasibly called cringe is about her. I still wasn’t fully comfortable being gay, so nearly every chapter is someone else talking about how great Nisa is, while still having this half-hearted “but she’s like, still really clumsy and stupid ok” air about it.

But!! It was the chapters who weren’t about Nisa at all who had the interesting concepts in them. Most notably, I had a prequel for a pair of “reformed villains” (they were just heroes the whole time because I don’t know how to not make everyone a protagonist), and in this prequel, Sorrel (who you will recognise as a protagonist for the current prologue when TDD actually gets posted) has been dead for nine years before coming back to life because of primordial god shenanigans. She died a martyr, having left a set of instructions for how to build a government for her murderer to follow and ratify out of guilt (i don’t have time to explain the context and it was never concrete, but it did make a modicum of sense at the time). When she revives, the country she left behind HAS been rebuilt, but clearly her brutish murderer fudged the instructions. And is also nowhere to be found, which is important because she was supposed to be running the place.

And that’s a cool concept! Showing up and realising that while you’ve been gone the political and social structure of the world you left behind is BONKERS. And the good news is, I have an organic way to introduce it into TDD. Nisa and She-Bear spend like 20 years being trapped in a moon and holding the moon together respectively, meaning that when the pressure builds and the moon explodes (they’ll be fine) they’ll be yeeted onto a planet they used to lead which now has like, shopping malls and toll roads.

I accidentally typed “shopping mauls” initially and that is an idea that people are welcome to take further.

[marvellousstawler]

girl help I'm getting they/them'd by well-meaning people who don't know what a tomboy is

[marvellousstawler]

Halloween 2023 but the post was due yesterday

As a result it's not themed, sorry, no Halloweeny business from me, my life is almost constantly spooky themed so there's no point. I'll have you know that I did wear a werewolf costume to my important government job though. I was softly encouraged to remove the lipstick-and-eyeliner cheek scratches, but allowed to keep the fluffy mitten-hat.

Art I'm going to tentatively declare that what I've been doing this week counts as art. Actually I'm going to rescind my tentativeness because it absolutely does.

First one is fairly straightforward. Because I'm too cheap to buy one, I made a pinboard out of spare cardboard wrapped in cable tape to facilitate my now-much-larger pin collection following PAX. Now my whole room stinks of the tape but it's worth it because the pinboard works very well and I didn't spend a cent. Well. On the board. Maybe don't ask about the pins.

For the next one, some backstory: Pokémon has permeated my mind for about four-fifths of my life, I own and have completed at least one game from every generation since 3 including rom hacks, and I have not once actually completed the pokedex. So that is what I have endeavoured to do -- take Young Marv's stockpiled trove of TCG cards both real and fake, and arrange them in order to create a physical pokedex. Every card that I don't have, or that the mystery box of 80 random 2nd-hand cards I bought online can't fill, I will have to draw myself. So we'll see if Future Marv can complete that one before she expires too.

Writing Okay so it probably started with a conversation with a coworker/new friend following my declaration of the physical pokedex project, about the various overly convoluted fan theories I have about Cynthia (Pokémon) specifically, which led to me discussing those with Sammy (my best friend for whom I'm using a psuedonym because she's on here and she doesn't need her brand poisoned by mine), which led to us yes-anding each other about it way too hard, which led to "what if Cynthia went back in time in Pokémon Legends Arceus instead of Akari," which led to a short improvised script of a moment between Cynthia and Cogita which was way too sweet and impactful, which led to "oh no I might actually have to write this fanfic now," which led to Sammy's simple, one-word reply: "Nano!" So a big thank you/fuck you to Sammy for removing my excuse to put off this fic just like all the others. Way to keep me accountable for my own work, you wonderful asshole.

I'm very excited because this has all reignited a love for Pokémon which I had feared was suddenly and resolutely dead. Why? Well, it's because of a cruel prank. Some people at Nintendo pulled a fast one on everyone a while back, trying to convince the whole community that there are nine generations now, when everyone knows that there are only eight, and the series ended with the release of PLA, and the end of the anime. It seems that some people in the community have been completely duped into believing that "Gen Nine" is real, and it's pretty mean-spirited of the people responsible to give them false hope like that. Which made me pretty upset, evidently. So yeah, it's good to put that negative episode aside and go back to focusing on my bullshit about Cynthia, Cogita and the male one, and all the lore around them I can squeeze into a fanfic.

Reading Okay, apparently I have failed to placate the nostalgia beast by managing to feed her a goddamn unicorn -- the last copy in the only store I found that sold it, of a volume of the YGO manga (a manga with a bajilion volumes) featuring my favourite duel of my favourite character, who of course is Mai because I'm only allowed to stan semi-irrelevant blonde ladies in all forms of media (it's a real burden). No instead, the nostalgia beast was so ravenous that she made me fixate on finding two YGO structure decks, at the only store I found that sells them (bit of a theme in this city), to subject poor Sammy to playing a game with me because I've never tried. And in all the nostalgia beasts constant squawking, I forgot to pick up those copies of Donuts that I was going to get last week.

Oh what's that? You want to actually know what I read? In the reading section? Well, exactly one volume of Donuts Under A Crescent Moon, hours and hours of lore and theories written by Sammy over text, and an obscene amount of info on YGO archetypes that had me saying "fuck this, I'll get a structure deck" within half an hour.

[marvellousstawler]

Monday 23rd on Tuesday 24th (Oct '23)

Apparently my blog is a year old (a week ago). Look at all this nothing! And yeah this entry is late because I got home and had to do hot girl shit.

Art *moth flies out of sketchbook*

Writing Okay maybe the (literally seven days after) anniversary post is a good place for this! It's actually taken me about 10 years, but I finally have a magic system for TDD that I'm almost fully satisfied with! And I'm over the MOONS! I actually can't believe I've managed to make some kind of breakthrough during such a work-heavy period. I also made a decent attempt today (yesterday) to carry on writing the actual drafts instead of giant swathes of ideas. My work contract ends 2 weeks into Nano, so at the rate I'm going, I might actually be able to pull it off...? Don't worry Future Marv, you don't have to make any promises to Present Marv to win Nano.

Reading Okay to be candid I added the next section today because I've literally done no reading in the seven preceding days. And I have no excuse this time. I don't know why it's so hard for me. I noticed a store in town was selling a weirdly large number of volumes for Donuts Under A Crescent Moon, the first issue of which I read several years ago, and never expected to see another volume for because lesbians literally need a whole day of visibility (and it doesn't do much to get us noticed in media markets...). Why am I reading romance at all when it so often upsets me for personal reasons I haven't fully been able to unpack? Well, maybe I have things *other* than piles of yet-to-be-resold books, that I need to let go of.

[marvellousstawler]

Mon 16 Oct 2023

The busiest week of my entire year (work-wise) just concluded, so, cut me a break, Present Marvo. I haven't even opened my PAX-haul.

Art *cricket noises*... Apparently due to a migraine-addled nostalgia nosedive into Yu-Gi-Oh! YouTube I have learned that I've been Mai Valentine kin-assigned since age eight and cannot divest myself of the need to draw fanart of her. So I guess I'll add that to somewhere on this too-long, unmoving list of incomplete art pieces.

Writing This week I had maybe the worst idea for a 'story' ever conceived, and somehow, against all odds, it already has three 'chapters.' You may remember from last week that I mentioned I play D&D, in 2 campaigns. One of those campaigns is on hiatus, during which time I have, completely against my own wishes, become obsessed with my own bard. To offset this bardless existence I now endure (rather than write the much more useful faction-guide from her perspective), I decided to interview her. Thrice. Writing on my phone in a three-day-long hyperfocused stupor on lunchbreaks, commutes and in waiting rooms. The worst thing about it is that the unfolding dynamic between the interviewee and her interviewer (which, I'll remind you, is literally myself) is genuinely compelling (at least to me) and I'm honestly unsettled by the blatant egotism of that. I wanted to avoid becoming the kind of author who is THAT obvious with their self-inserts in a fictional context, but honestly, it was inevitable. And hey, it's better than no writing. Not that I need've worried, because it turned out through some miracle that I actually did have enough energy to add to TDD's opening act outline AND refine its magic system a little. So, wow? Go me? Don't know how you did that considering how many early crashes you've had this week but, Kudos, Past Self. (Ugh, see? Egotism inevitable. Guess I'm not much of an...elegant egotist? Eh? Ehhhh? Because Mai from YGO, she uses that, that card in the...Anyone? Nah, me neither).

Reading *tumbleweed bounces feebly across an empty highway*... Just this evening I went to a comic store to try and sell some old stuff that's no longer to my taste, only to learn that they don't take single issues. So I thought I might give them to any unhoused people I meet who might want one, just to break up their day and give them something different to read. Like, they're good comics, they're mostly DC, they're just a bit frayed and also not my thing. If I get no takers, I'll put them in one of those street libraries where you can take so long as you give; not enough libraries in general stock comics anyway. Also, while I was at the store I picked up a brochure for a cool scavenger hunt for street art comic panels around Melbourne laneways. It's basically the most Melbourne thing ever, only thing that could make it more so is if some of the panels turn out to feature coffee and/or jazz. Also I learned there are more comic stores in this city than I thought. Apparently if you complete the scavenger hunt you can get free comics at the partner locations, but I'm just keen to meander around Melbourne to look for art, honestly. If you're in Melbourne and you want to take part, you can pick up one of the brochures at most comic stores in the CBD, and scan the QR for more info.

[marvellousstawler]

Mon 9 Oct

Welcome to the special post-PAXAus edition of...my journal, I guess? I'm going to start with one of my takeaways from a panel I attended featuring Erika Ishii. I was struck with the honesty of their advice to the audience, a sort of honesty usually eschewed in panels like these in favour of a pristine optimism to inspire hope in the audience. She outlined it this way: getting to do the thing you love as a career is a fusion of hard work/persistent effort toward that thing, and right-place-right-time-right-person opportunity. So, no matter what career you have (or do not have), ALWAYS do the thing you love whenever you get a chance. Because you need to be ready for when those opportunities present themselves, even if they never will. I personally found that very inspiring, given how much of my time and energy I now have to spend on my Big Girl Job(tm).

But, to add to her advice, I think there was something Ishii missed an opportunity to address in their panel; your passion shouldn't come at the cost of you. If you have a job or something else that takes all the energy out of you, it's no good putting even more pressure on yourself to get art/writing/whatever done if it's just going to burn you out. One thing that I'm very happy that she emphasised is this: it's more than okay, to be JUST ok at things! More people should let themselves be just ok at things.

Art My past self was right in her prediction of my current self -- I am indeed the owner of a wonderfully shitty Flame Emperor Mask, and I'm pleased to report that it is just as janky, creepy and inconvenient to both wear and carry as could be expected of a first-time cosplay-maker. I met many extremely talented cosplayers at PAX; it ain't easy and it ain't cheap; mad respect. It was a surreal experience, taking (as they say in D&D) a level of exhaustion, just to complete an item to wear for one day (in case you're wondering what inspired me to provide the soapbox paragraph above this one). Even so, it is now proudly displayed on my bookshelf, well worth doing just to try something new and do something fun. Let me know in the replies if you'd like to see it. I *might* still have some time this evening to work on my cool D&D characters picture (working title is 'Sisters In Moons') now that I've completed the mask, but actually my priority this evening is to catch up on rest. PAXing is taxing.

Writing So much Mittelfranks brainrot I literally opened Google Docs on my phone to work on it during my lunchbreak, which given I usually need a nice quiet comfy space with a desk and computer to do any work, is very unlike me. Where's all this motivation for my other projects! Still, only writing for 5 minutes at a time whenever I get a chance to open my phone, while perfectly respectable, hasn't actually yielded a great many words, this week. The only other thing I worked on was one of two D&D-related projects (one for each character/campaign I'm in atm), where I attempt to make notes about every NPC we've met and their factions, using the style and cadence of the character I'm playing. I don't believe I'll be able to write either of them as quickly as new NPCs get introduced, but gosh darn if I ain't gonna try.

Reading I have not had much opportunity to read this week. I usually read on the train, and these past days I have just been too tired to do anything but stare out the window. I did, however, on the way home from the end of PAX, get the sudden resolve to purge my room of the "excess" books I've accrued throughout my life, either from gift-givers who wished plenty but knew little, or a Past Self trying to shape herself into something that she would never be. I have no issue keeping books of childhood significance in this room, with the expectation that they will remain here when I move out, but everything that is no longer providing positive energy, even if it's just neutral energy, should be brought to a better home. It would be unethical to let those books remain here, where they can't be at their most loved!

Thaaaaaaaat said I'm not likely to get a free weekend any time soon...

Don't forget to vote.

[marvellousstawler]

Tuesday 3 Oct 2023

The Vibe is this: it was the first day of daylight savings today but the sky was dark the whole day because of Melbourne spring rain, which couldn't decide if it wanted to be humid or cold, but was absolutely sure that it was torrential.

Art My excuse for not working on any of my unfinished drawings this week is that I have to finish my homemade Flame Emperor mask by Saturday for PAX Aus. For first-time mask-makers, take note: air-drying clay doesn't work. Past Marv was a fool and didn't realise it would crack as soon as it dried. Present Marv is wiser and is attempting to use Plaster of Paris. Future Marv is likely laughing at her, and is hopefully the proud owner of a wonderfully shitty Flame Emperor mask. The works being hiatus'd on account of the mask are a cool picture of my 2 D&D characters, a massive picture for Edelgard's birthday which I started the day AFTER Edelgard's birthday in June and is no where near finished, and, a while back I bought a copy of 'Wyrd Sisters' with one of those newfangled minimalist-graphic covers, and I thought I'd add a bunch of my gaudy spooky illustrations to it. Witchify it. Which I should just do, I should just get that done.

Writing Recent-Past Marv made the...truly *bewildering* decision to try and print out and hand-bind a very large, very unfinished fanfiction, in multiple volumes, for her friend AND herself. A fanfiction, which neither Past Marv nor Present Marv has even read. Apparently Recent-Past Marv's idea was that the project would motivate her to read it, because for some reason she finds the Ao3 interface...unfriendly? The reasons for her reticence are arcane. Anyway, this bizarre project has eaten valuable writing time, and will likely continue to do so. Even so, I did have an opportunity to outline my first chapter of the next part of the project currently known as TDD, a draft I like quite a bit. Also, memory doesn't serve well but I think I spent a weirdly large amount of time working on a comic-isation of Dorothea and Manuela's supports (working title is 'Mittelfranks'), which, that was supposed to be three chapters and one self-indulgent fourth...it is now nine. ...look the very specific dynamic between these two characters feels like it was custom-designed to infiltrate my limbic system and mass-produce serotonin. But only time will tell if THAT project ever exceeds the scripting stage. I also had a chance to write a hand-written draft of a novel about my most recent D&D character. The concept feels like it's too much to chew though. Still, worth getting an idea down.

Reading Finished 'Wyrd Sisters' by Terry Pratchett the other day, which has taken like a month. It's the first book I've finished in about 2 years, and it's instantly become one of my all-time favourites -- it almost feels like it was written FOR me and that is a RARE feeling. I've been collecting quotes in a notebook, the 'collecting' giving me a further incentive for reading, but I only started collecting from page 40 of the book. I'm torn between moving on to the next thing on my To Read list, or going back to trawl through the 40 pages for cool quotes. Might as well spend just a little more time with this new friend. Here's the most recent quote I collected, from page 2: "A key to the understanding of all religion is that a god's idea of amusement is Snakes and Ladders with greased rungs." Damn, Pratchett out here with takes that have remained piping hot since 1988.

[marvellousstawler]

Marvo, you're making the thing wrong.

It occurred to me that I'm not using my tumblr for its intended purpose. (I have honestly probably made more posts about what the blog's purpose is than actually using it for anything, which is very like me). It's "Marvo makes a thing," not "here is a piece of thing Marvo is making."

It's a progress blog. I shouldn't be waiting until the progress is "worth reporting;" monumental, or specific to just one big project, or entertaining/useful to the beautiful 10 of you who see this. I should be treating ALL progress as significant, even if it's small, even if it's self-indulgent (or "not important"), even if there's nothing. No matter who does or does not see it.

For like a month-ish I've been journaling my Art, Writing and Reading progress (yes, reading is difficult for me), in a small notebook. Starting from now I will be endeavouring to post those progress entries here for everyone to see. To hold myself accountable, maybe? Or, maybe, someone else will find it inspiring (which would be heccin awesome), either by copying the idea or by getting competitive, I guess. I have a slight worry that I'm going to put someone down by "gloating", but at the same time, acknowledging my own progress isn't gloating! I work 9-5 and more and more these days I feel like I'm doing "nothing." It's the responsibility of Past Marv to remind Future Marv that she IS doing stuff and she's doing just fine.

I had previously made Tuesday my journal day, so I'll post an entry today, but going forward it should probably be Monday. D&D is today! Don't expect consistency, though. The sheer volume of digital ink spilt on the apparent "purpose" of this blog should attest to my fickleness.

[marvellousstawler]

None yet. But soon. Very soon... Well. Relatively. If I don't keep falling asleep after coming home from work or keep deciding to spend my time on weird craft projects.

Hey, can y’all rb this if it’s okay to send you messages asking about your ocs, cause on god I wanna interact with y’all but I am terrified of being annoying lol

[marvellousstawler]

I actually had this done in time. I just didn't post it (I've been ill).

Happy Belated Birthday to my favourite Fire Emblem girly, in her Dancer outfit. Thanks for being the subject of my first drawing of a dynamic pose progression.

Oh, you can use these poses if you want by the way, feel free~!

[marvellousstawler]

Sketched her

[marvellousstawler]

Leaving.

I mean not really, I just won’t be back until I actually have something to post. Right now I just keep seeing things on social media that make me angry and I don’t need that.

Hope my like 10 non-bot followers don’t miss me too much?

Anyway see you soon.