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iceland looking really good

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Confronted by a Kardashian

So tonight I'm going to give you some tips for what you should do when confronted by one of the many Kardashians. I don't actually know how many of them there are but I know there are at least four. I have done zero research into this and I don't know what to do in a confrontation at the best of times.

I apologise in advance tbh.

Please note that everything you're about to read is based solely on the pictures I've found and are in no way based on their actual personalities (probably). I know almost nothing about any of these people.

This is actually pretty terrifying

What should you do if you encounter Kim Kardashian and she's looking at you like this?

Honestly? Just run away. Just get out of there. She's obviously about to kill you. Nothing that you could possibly have to say and no need to justify a previous statement is worth sticking around to see what she'll do if this is the expression on her face. If she's looking at someone else like this and they're you're friend you should be dragging them as far away as you can get. If you don't know them or you don't like them maybe stick around to see what happens. It could be very entertaining and if you get it on video it could go viral.

But what if she's already in front of you and you now have to respond?

Don't say anything stupid. If what you're about to say is gonna make her angrier just don't say it. Unless you want to die - in which case go ahead. My advice would still be to just get out of there. At the nearest opportunity leg it out of there. Never go to the place you saw her ever again or to anywhere she is likely to show up so that you won't run into her. If you didn't follow my previous advice and said something that made her even angrier (which would be horrifying because the look in that picture is already murderous) then you should sever all ties with anyone that was there with you when you made her mad. You'll have to. It's the only way now. If you don't she'll find you and you don't want that. I don't care if your best friends or your parents were there; it's just something you have to do now.

For the above see also:

You have to remember, though, that Kim isn't the only Kardashian out there and she isn't the only one that can give you a scary angry glare.

She is NOT impresses with whatever you just did

From the looks of it you just took an unwanted picture of Khloe Kardashian. Why did you do that? Are you insane? Stop being insane! A picture of a famous person is not worth your life!

Now that you've gotten yourself into this totally preventable situation, what do you do?

You give her your camera, obviously. I don't care what you used or how much you payed for that technology, you're losing it. If it's your phone - hand it over. If it's your six hundred dollar camera - hand it over. If it's one of those pretentious ones that's meant to look all old fashioned or takes polaroids - hand it over. If you really valued your technology you wouldn't be taking photos of celebrities that don't want them and are known for being very feisty / dangerous.

Once you've handed over your belongings there is one more step. That's right, you run away. Leave. You've done enough already. Don't make it worse. Don't be that guy.

  I bet you're thinking I'm done because I clearly know nothing about the Kardashians and am unwilling to do any research.

You'd be wrong.

There is...another. (This is a reference to something and I don't remember what, I just know that it is a reference. Please enlighten me.)

  You will probably dispute me on this but TECHNICALLY they are one of them now. They did marry in and have a kid after all.

Heck yeah Kanye was who I was talking about!

Probably the least formidable of the three. His murder glare does not inspire too much fear in me and I would probably cope with being on the receiving end of this look (unlike with the other two).

What do you do when you see this look?

This is probably a terrible suggestion but I would be very tempted to adopt the same expression and stare straight back at him. Why not? Really. He looks more like he's decided to cut you out of his life rather than kill you. I can deal with that. I don't feel the need to be Kanye's friend. Even if he is the Kanye Best. If he's with his wife or his sister-in-law though, I'm out. I'd just leave before they figured out who he was looking at.

If he actually comes up to confront you resist the urge to quote internet memes that relate to him. Don't start yelling "I'ma let you finish" or any of the Kanye Quest puns. Resist the temptation, strong though it may be. Although, if he is alone (unlikely) maybe go for it. I'd like to see the outcome even if I wouldn't ever do it myself.

Anyway, that's all from me. I hope you now know what you'll do if you're ever confronted by a Kardashian. If you have any better ideas please leave them in the comments so that we all may learn and be better prepared for a situation involving the Kardashians and their extended family.

- Jess

P.S. Happy belated Esther Day! It's a day to celebrate platonic love that happened yesterday (you should look it up) and we definitely love you guys! Thank you guys for following and an even bigger thank you to those of you that are our actual friends :D

P.P.S If you went to high school with us you may remember Whale Day. It was a day we came up with to celebrate whales and it also happened yesterday. I was going to do something about it this year but I forgot so next year I actually will (maybe). Anyway, Happy Whale Day!

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Eleanor & Park

I only just finished this book. Really. Like, fifteen minutes ago I was still reading the final pages of this book. I'm telling you this to warn you that I may not be able to fully or coherently articulate my feelings and opinions about this book. Or I may be able to articulate them but not with any kind of structure? We'll see.

I reviewed Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell a while ago and I've been itching to read her other books ever since. Last week I saw saw a couple of people talking about Eleanor & Park on Facebook and then a friend showed up to a thing with it in her bag and I kind of snapped. I was in the city. I held out for an hour or two but I couldn't stop myself rushing away from my friends just before the shops closed so that I could buy this book.

Let me tell you, I regret nothing.

I don't want to tell you too much about the plot because, not only is it complex, it's unique and unraveling it for myself made me so happy. The characters are captivating and I just wanted to know everything about them. Seriously, Park's mum - an important character but not exactly one of the biggest ones (she's also physically not one of the biggest characters - that probably doesn't amuse anyone else but me but I'm leaving this here) - but she had a back story that I would love to read.

I will tell you that it's set in the 80s and that it centers around a girl called Eleanor and boy called Park.

I really loved Eleanor. She had faults and they made her amazing. She's the new girl at school and the other kids don't take too kindly to her. Everything she does has a reason and she's not just emotional for the sake of it. I love that the book didn't become about standing up to bullies or getting revenge. It was about (at least partly) Eleanor accepting herself and letting the haters hate (I considered using 8s there but I couldn't do it, I really couldn't).

Park is probably one of my favourite male protagonists in a young adult - no, wait, let's just make that romance novels in general - ever. He's not perfect and he doesn't become perfect after meeting Eleanor. Too many times I've seen guys in romance novels completely reform themselves to be with the lead female but it doesn't happen here and it was great. Sure, he admits that he was being a dick a few times and he changes the way he looks at some things but Eleanor is forced to do the same. I just really enjoyed his flaws and that neither one changed who they were to be with the other.

The friendship that develops between the two of them made me really happy as well. It might just be because they bonded over superhero comics and music but I ate it up. They actually talked to each other and that made everything so much more believable. None of this arguing constantly (although there was plenty of arguing) and having no perceivable common interests or real knowledge of the other person crap. They actually knew each other and it was cool.

So should you read this book?

Yes! Do it! Do it right now! Rainbow Rowell is one of the best author's I've ever encountered (especially in young adult fiction). The way she writes and the way she describes thing is magical. They talk a lot about music in the book and it made me want to listen to everything they were listening to. I'd love to know the exact make-up of every mix tape that was made so that I could listen to them myself. I don't care about your age or your gender or anything. Read the book. Please? I'll admit that ending gave my inner romantic a bit of rage but I can't bring myself to stay mad because it was all so beautiful. Plus it wasn't like it was a bad ending. It was hopeful and, from a literary point of view, it was very good. I just really like the real happy endings as well.

A final warning:

This book is addictive. I actually couldn't stop reading it. I started reading at 11 'o' clock with the intention of reading a couple of chapters and then going to sleep. A couple hundred pages later it was 3 AM and I was still awake. I had to force myself to sleep and finish it this morning rather than staying up even longer. It was probably good that I did. I probably would have experienced a lot of late night inner turmoil if I had finished it at 4 AM.

I want you guys to read this and tell me what you think. Am I overhyping? I don't think I am but you're welcome to disagree. I doubt you'll budge my opinion though.

- Jess

P.S. I'm sorry that this is the second young adult romance novel I've reviewed in a row. I promise that I'll try and review the adult sci-fi book sitting next to my bed next time instead.

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strawberrygumdropsinspain we just got 53 notes from you liking posts...whyyyy

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Oh the irony! -A review of Happy Days by Laurent Graff

Good evening all!

Today I am going to tell you a story about a man named Antoine who didn’t really understand life. At 18 years of age, he believed he had seen and done it all and was quite happy to resign himself to his inevitable fate. So, instead of buying a car or spending his money on alcohol, he bought a plot for himself in a graveyard and purchased a simple headstone.

However, he wasn’t quite dead yet.

After attempting college-just for the experience, he scoured the newspaper ads for ladies looking for long-term loves. One (un)lucky madam ended up his bride and bore him two lovely children. Of course, a nice little family like that isn’t going to last long when one of the participants enjoys fortnightly visits to his grave.

Anyway, when one of his relatives died, he was left with a considerable sum of money and therefore decided to retire at the grand old age of 37. He sent his money off to the Happy Days retirement home, where he was content to live out the rest of his decades. There, he could observe death close at hand and hopefully figure out what this whole ‘living’ fuss was about. I’m not even going to point out the irony.

At Happy Days, he befriends ‘Al’, a man who suffers from Alzheimer’s. He went on the hunt for a missing resident in a car he ‘borrowed’ from a neighbour. He endured countless outings and sat through endless episodes of ‘The Bold and the Restless’. Antoine decribes his outlook on Happy Days as: “I’m where I ought to be, here, among those who no longer expect or wait for anything, abandoning themselves to a caricature of a life”. None of these tasks seems to fulfil his purpose until he meets a little old lady who has one final wish: to visit the sea.

In case you hadn't figured it out, that was my blurb for Happy Days by Laurent Graff!

There are some great quotes in there and it really is quality writing, though slightly odd. It is written, I imagine, in the way that Antoine thinks. The conversations that he has with other people or the experiences he shares with them do not quite breach his consciousness. He is not callous, just indifferent.

While Happy Days isn’t the most exciting book I have ever encountered, it is quite philosophical and probably quite profound. I say ‘probably profound’ because there is no epiphany for the character, just mere speculations, faint realisations that he merely notes down in his mental notebook. Like a scientist with some serious social issues. Or anyone in need of a long nap and a cup of tea. “Oh, look. That one actually seems to care. I can’t see why”.

It’s pretty short-only about 99 pages, but there’s an overview of his whole life in there. Which is a bit sad, really. It’s certainly something different and you may get some tips on how (not) to live your life by reading it. You probably need to have at least some interest in psychology or philosophy to enjoy it particularly (I have probably an average interest, so it was okay). I’m not sure how common it is to find English translated copies-it was originally written in French- as I ‘read’ it as an audio book.

Have a great Sunday,

Sarah

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The Difference Between a Rock and a Stone

It's a rock band called The Rolling Stones!          ...         Get it?

I know you've all wondered, at some point in your life, what the difference between a stone and a rock is. You were probably around six years old and sitting around in the playground at school. Your foot accidentally hit a rock and your mind just stopped for a second. "WHY ISN'T THIS A STONE?" it yelled at you but you didn't know the answer. Well now, over ten years later, I am here to answer that small child's question. Let's start with the definitions! A rock: Dictionary.com (otherwise known as our best friend) defines rocks as *drum roll*

a large mass of stone forming a hill, cliff, promontory, or the like.

...are they saying a rock is made of stones? This isn't as useful as I thought it would be. The geological definition (also acquired from Dictionary.com) is

mineral matter of variable composition, consolidated or unconsolidated, assembled in masses or considerable quantities in nature, as by the action of heat or water.

Sooo, yeah. I have no comment on that last one. I don't think I've even processed it properly. A stone: Continuing with the theme of Dictionary.com...

the hard substance, formed of mineral matter, of which rocks consist.

Yep. Okay. Now what should I do here. Give you another definition? Yes. Let's do that.

a piece of rock quarried and worked into a specific size and shape for a particular purpose: paving stone; building stone.

Yeah! That's more specific! I like this one. It almost makes this post worth it!...Almost. They also say "precious stone" and that didn't come up for rocks so stones are clearly superior. Is superiority what we were talking about here? I don't think it was. Whoops. I just noticed those two definitions I gave you for stones are actually contradictory. What are you even doing geologists? What have we learned so far? From the looks of it (I could - am almost definitely - be wrong):

A stone is a hard substance made of mineral matter.

A rock is made of stone(s).

A rock is generally large, like a boulder...or one of those memorial rocks.

Conversely, a stone is also made of rock? If a piece of rock is worked into a specific size or shape it is called a stone...

What else is there? According to the website summaries on the first page of my Google search that I've read rather than actually clicking on any of the sites, a rock is large and often immovable while a stone is small and you can probably chuck it with one hand. Basically, if you try to throw a rock you'll throw your back out but you CAN throw a stone quite easily (see: skipping stone). Am I done here yet? I think I am. Conclusion

 Both rocks and stones are made of the same mineral matter but rocks are also made of stones. Stones can also be made of rock but it isn't as common.

You can throw a stone but a rock will throw your back out.

Rocks have geological definitions and stones don't (take that stones!).

Precious minerals such as emeralds and rubies are referred to as stones not rocks (take that rocks!).

I hope you guys enjoyed this / learned something. I'll leave you with a conundrum. They say that precious minerals are referred to as stones but most people say "look at that rock" when talking about diamonds.

- Jess

P.S. I had waaaaaaaaay too much fun formatting this >.>

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What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?

If you’re anything like Jess and me (and millions of other readers out there, I’m sure) you will recognise the title of this article as a quote from one of the greatest books of all time. If you do not, you should probably shut yourself in a cupboard under the stairs until you have realised what you’ve done (Did you get it that time?).

Regardless of whether you are a fan of the book in question or not, I’m sure we’ve all wondered what the answer to that question would be! Okay, you most likely haven’t thought about it before, but I guarantee you are now!

Following my extensive research and extensive life experience I would define a rubber duck as: A small yellow object that resembles a water fowl of some undistinguished species (seriously, what kind of duck is that supposed to be?) which is commonly found in a bathtub among other classic bath toys such as; bubbles, and those little cups that strain water. In other words, it is an object used to amuse small children while you torture them with eye-stinging shampoo and general (yes, even behind the ears) cleanliness.

According to Wikipedia, a rubber duck is “symbolically linked to bathing”. I like my definition better.

While that technically answers the question, there are a few more things that I think you might find interesting about rubber ducks! I know what you’re thinking: “Why on Earth am I wasting my time reading an article about water-fowl shaped bath toys?” Because you have nothing better to do, that’s why.

Anyway, so the first rubber duck was hatched by Peter Ganine in around about the 1940’s, shortly after rubber was first popularised. Little did he know that he would sell over 50 million of his little floating poultry creations.

Though I imagine there are only a few of our readers who can remember the launch of the floating duck, I’m sure there are countless who remember one of Ernie’s renditions of ‘Rubber Duckie’ on Jim Henson’s Sesame Street, first sung in 1970. It was this song that really helped rubber ducks gain their icon status.

Fun facts about rubber ducks:

-Modern rubber ducks are more commonly made of plastic, but ‘plastic duck’ just doesn’t have that same ring to it.

-In 1992, 29,000 bath toys-including many rubber ducks- were lost off a shipping container during a Pacific storm. Many were lost at sea in the horrific accident though at least two thirds of the flock survived and washed up on the shores of Australia, Indonesia and South America about three months later. The rest were trapped in Arctic ice and now wander the seas, bleached of colour and life. I know, best story ever.

-Many cities around the world hold ‘duck derby’s’, where thousands of rubber ducks are tipped into bodies of water and raced for charity organisations.

-The world’s largest rubber duck was created by Florentijn Hofman in 2007. It weighs 600kg and floats at 32 metres tall.

Righto, I’d better duck off and get back to some homework, because I don’t know waddle do if I don’t get it done-I have to be up at the quack of dawn! Hehe. I regret nothing.

Sarah

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This Is What Happy Looks Like

There is a boat in this book. It is nothing like that boat though...

I don't know how many - if any - of you know this about me but I really love to read romance novels. Yeah, I know I've mentioned that once or twice before but I don't think you truly grasp what I'm telling you. I've read SO MANY romance novels that I couldn't even list, let alone count, them all. Sometimes they're trashy and they're not always well written but I enjoy every last word in them. That's a lie. I've rage-quit a few of them because the characters have grated on my nerves so much. Characters with realistic personalities and reactions that line up with those personalities PLEASE.

I know it's a shock but I'm actually going to review a romance novel today O.O . It's a young adult novel called This Is What Happy Looks Like by Jennifer E. Smith. I've been really wary of YA novels recently and actually stopped reading them altogether for around six months. They all seemed rushed and contrived and unrealistic. While this story may not necessarily be realistic I feel like the characters are so that's one thing that it has going for it.

I picked up this book for a few reasons:

I'd heard good things about it. (An obvious thing to consider when buying a book. Why do you think we write this blog?)

I was in the mood to read a romance novel. (This is not uncommon and is hardly worth mentioning. When am I not in the mood to read a romance novel?)

I wanted something cute and more innocent than the sort of stuff that's written for adult readers.

I have to say I wasn't disappointed...but we'll talk about that more later. First, to the plot!

It's described as a You've Got Mail style story on the back which is only very partially true. Sure, e-mail is the main component of how they meet but their e-mailing doesn't really appear outside of the prologue and the first page of each chapter (there's generally only one e-mail per chapter so it isn't exactly huge).

Basically, Graham lives in a big city on one side of the USA and Ellie lives in a small town on the other side. He accidentally mistypes an e-mail address and the mail ends up in Ellie's inbox. They start exchanging e-mails and talking about whatever. They don't know what the other looks like or anything. They're just chatting. Ellie (I'll just mention that I done condone this AT ALL) mentions the name of the town she lives in and that she works in the (only) sweet shop. Way to not get stalked and killed Ellie. Fortunately Graham turns out to ACTUALLY be a teenage boy and this book doesn't take a dramatic and dark turn. The first chapter of the book starts a few months after the first messages during which they've been messaging each other every day.

Okay, so in order to fully describe the plot (I accidentally typed plop. That could have been embarrassing) and to tell you why I loved it so much I have to put some spoilers in. I guess you'd kind of know this stuff already if you've heard about the book but part of the yay (not an actual descriptive word but just humour me; I haven't been to uni in over a month) of this book is that you don't know this stuff. If you don't wanna hear (read?) the spoilers than...ummmmm....

How about I put this line here vvvv and I'll put another line when the spoilers are over?

Spoilers from here, yes? Yes.

Ellie, who works in the sweet shop, lives her life trying to fly under the radar and not be noticed. The reasons for this are pretty obvious later in the book. There's a film crew coming to town for a movie and her mother is really anxious because she doesn't want either of them to be noticed. Graham (shock, horror) is actually the lead actor in this movie. Ellie isn't aware of this and has been talking to him like he was just another random. She finds out almost straight away though since he shows up at her house (it's less creepy than it sounds but it is pretty badly thought out on Graham's part). That's all great but it isn't why I enjoyed the characters or the plot.

So you know how I mentioned that I read A LOT of romance novels? (trust me, this is relevant.)

Well in romance novels written for adults the male love interest being famous is ridiculously common. I mean 1 in 7 (modern) romance novels have that plot line. I made that figure up but you see the point I'm trying to make. From what I can remember of all of them, the guy inevitably is a massive douche bag. He sleeps with women all over the place and hasn't had a serious relationship even once in his entire life that was purely sex. He'd always be domineering, full of himself, and kind of 'I know you want it' towards the female lead. Both these things annoyed me so, so much. Was it just a pre-requisite that these famous characters had to be emotionally stunted and rapey? Was there no other type of famous male? Is that what Hollywood is like?

No, probably not.

This is why I loved this book. Graham didn't want to be the centre of attention. He wanted to hang out with people his own age and not be followed by paparazzi. He was a normal guy that respected Ellie and just so happened to be famous. From the start he actually wanted a relationship and not just to sleep with her. I know it had to be that way because it's a YA novel but it still upsets me that I had to read a YA novel just to get the kind of story I wanted. Can romance novels be less rapey and their male characters have more depth and rationality? Please?

The only unrealistic thing I found was that Graham was 17. Not a problem in and of itself but it seemed like he was playing characters his own age. This is just blatantly unrealistic because teenagers are (95% of the time) played by people in the 20's. There is no way he was discovered at 15 and was actually playing a 15 year old. At that age he would have been playing a 13 year old - 14 at most.

Anyway.

Welcome back!

This Is What Happy Looks Like isn't the next masterpiece of the literary world. I mean, it's very well written but it's still just a fair light-hearted book for teenagers. It's cute and realistic and relatable. I don't really know what else you want!

I imagine this is a good book to read on a hot summer's day when it's too hot to go out and you don't want to commit to anything heavy or serious. I read this a few days a go in the middle of winter so I wouldn't actually know. What I do know is that it's just under 400 pages long and I read it in two days. That's not that quick (for me anyway) but both those days were busy and I was out of the house (not reading) for quite a lot of both of them.

If you're looking for something light and easy (not the food company...you know what I mean -_-) then this book isn't a bad choice. It ended maybe a couple of chapters sooner than I'd like but it was kind of adorable so I'll let it slide.

After this probably kind of incoherent semi rant that's almost double what I usually write I find myself with nothing left with nothing to say and no idea how to end the thing.

Maybe I'll just ask you a question?

Yeah, I'll do that.

What are your cute/light reads for when you can't bring yourself to read something the size (or depth) of Game of Thrones?

- Jess

P.S. I haven't actually read Game of Thrones but I'm not actually in the head space to even try at the moment so shhhhhh.

P.P.S. I am probably going to buy and review more of her books and there isn't anything you can do to stop me...although I can't imagine why you would try unless you were a FUN RUINER *glares suspiciously*

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The Dramatic Pause

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  The dramatic pause has been around for as long as theatre has been. I don't know how long that is but I'm going to assume it's a REALLY long time. Probably ancient Greece is involved somehow. Ancient Greece is always involved somehow.

It's pretty self explanatory. An actor will stop halfway through a line and wait for a few seconds before finishing what he was saying. It creates drama (who would have guessed?) and suspense. Although, if you think about it, someone pausing in the middle of a sentence for effect in real life would be really weird. It would make me really uncomfortable. Don't do it. You'll seem really weird.

The dramatic pause is also used in comedy to emphasize a punch line gives the audience a chance to try and guess what's going to be said. In this case it is called comedic timing. In my experience it makes the jokes super obvious and actually less funny. Maybe actors pause too long and that's what makes it bad?

You'll see  the dramatic pause used  a lot in those murder mystery shows like Midsummer Murders and Miss Marple (I love Miss Marple way too much). They'll pause right before they announce a crucial clue or the actual murder for effect. It will be very dramatic and everyone will glance shiftily at each other. It's pretty great. If you don't know what I'm talking about you need to watch more murder mysteries. You're missing out.

So, how do you harness the power of this dramatic...pause?

I'm pretty sure this video gives you everything you could possibly need to know, as an actor, about the dramatic pause. If you don't know what you're doing by the end of it there is no hope for you.

Now go forth, young padawans, and live a more dramatic

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life!

- Jess

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Matched - Ally Condie

I may have been attracted by the cover >.>

I read Matched by Ally Condie quite a while ago. I think it was back when dystopian future novels were at the height of their young adult popularity (after the announcement of the first Hunger Games movie) and during school holidays or some time when I was bored. I think I saw John Green recommend it in a video and thought why not. I enjoyed The Hunger Games and I was still not entirely averse to dystopian stories at that point (I can no longer bring myself to read that sort of thing anymore and I'm not really sure why).

I went into this book hoping for some action, some strong characters and some romance (I really do love the romance in novels when it's done right). Unfortunately, I was pretty disappointed.

The dystopia in Matched is the kind where every single resident is so strictly controlled that they basically have no free will left and anything they do wrong will be immediately noticed by those in control. This is a pretty great setting for a story and sets it up for a badass rebellion but that wasn't really what happened. The people controlling everything (does anyone know what they're called because I sure don't) have limted culture and expression by cutting all poetry, music, books, whatever else, down to 100 of each. Nothing new in these areas are created so no one knows how to write anymore and no-one has any physically written stuff.

Cue attractive nonconformist guy that somehow learned to write by hand and has poem fragments from banned poems.

Cassia (who is the main character that I have failed to mention before this point) falls for him for no discernible reason. There is also a matching system (which I neglected to mention because I really don't want to try and explain it) where she is matched to her best friend (who else, this is a young adult novel) and kind of rolls with it for a bit even though they're totally platonic (of course, this is a young adult novel). Some glitch (that may have been intentional because reasons) tells her she should have been matched to Ky (nonconformist guy) and that's essentially her basis for loving him. She hadn't given him a second thought until that glitch but now she's obsessed. He can write words and has poem fragments but is otherwise pretty boring. His back story is really interesting but he himself is a bit nothing.

To cap all this off there is no fighting at all and their rebellion mostly consists of talking to each other when they aren't supposed to, reading things they shouldn't, learning to write, sneaking around a little bit, and not taking the pills they're meant to. I DID NOT COME HERE FOR THIS. I wanted some epic stuff to go down and for them to stick it to the man (or whoever is running the stuff; I really don't know). Maybe that happens later in the series but I'm not in any way inclined to find out.

The pacing of Matched is slow and the writing style seems kind of cold and impersonal. It actually reminds me of another book I had to read (for school) once that I hated with a passion. That may have contributed to my dislike of this book. I understand the impersonalness (not a word but lets ignore it) as part of the cold impersonal world that Cassia lives in but it makes the book really had to stay engaged with. I'd call it a very soft dystopian future book. They're love is completely forbidden but is (as far as the first book is concerned) only expressed in faint hand touches a couple times so they're not exactly rebelling THAT much.

You might be into this sort of story but I was really not. From memory I started it, got bored, and read two books in the middle before finishing it off. The only reason I finished it at all was because I'd heard good things and thought it might get better further in. It is actually very well written and obviously very well thought out as a story; it just didn't hold my attention at all.

Have you read Matched?

Did you actually enjoy it?

*Australian politician voice* Please explain

*laughs at my own really bad joke*

- Jess

P.S. Cassia's platonic best friend is called Xander and if you watch Buffy you will probably find this quite amusing :P

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Grumpy alpacas, defiant steers and the definition of mud.

So there are a few things that I have learnt during this last semester in my animal handling course. This week, I thought I would introduce you all to some of the more oblique terminology that I have learnt to use and hopefully entertain you with a few of my stories.

Here is a summary of my more eventful practical exams:

-Being dragged around a paddock by an angry alpaca, while it simultaneously tried to kick me in the stomach and spit on my face. Apparently the first alpaca I restrained was ‘too easy’. Naturally, to prove my wrangling ability, I decided to grab the closest, biggest, grumpiest-looking beasty there.

-Tipping a sheep. For those who don’t know, this involves flipping a 40-50kg sheep over your knee and onto its back. I did actually manage this, but I’m not going to lie, it took me a whole 10 minutes and I was pretty exhausted after that.

-Being bitten by a mouse, and then bleeding all over the table. And the examiner.

-Losing a shoe in the mud while herding young steers. Since I couldn’t find said shoe, I did the rest of the exam with a shoe on one foot, a sock on the other, running around a paddock and yelling “NO! BAD COW! WHY DO YOU DEFY ME?!” In shin-deep mud (see: mud [definition]). Needless to say, I threw those socks in the bin before I even got into the car. Funnily enough, I actually got some respect from my examiner for ‘keeping calm and carrying on’.

-Determining whether a chicken is ‘in lay’. I’ll let you figure that one out for yourself.

-Being head-butted and salivated over by a horse

  I actually ended up getting a distinction for my animal handling exam, but as you can probably ascertain, it was dirty work. Literally.

  Fun terminology:

Mud: Contrary to the popular belief that mud is comprised of water and dirt, in the world of farming, mud is merely faeces and water.

Service: When a male animal and a female animal...get busy.

Hogget: A young animal that has only sprouted two teeth. Usually used when referring to sheep, goats and pigs.

Slip: A pig between 20 and 40kg.

Hogging: The behaviour of a pig when in heat.

Orgling: The noise alpacas make when they are mating.

Tom: Male cat  Queen: Female cat

  Okay, so I hope you enjoyed today's post! I'm sure there will be plenty more stories to come over the next semester, if you enjoyed them.

Keep warm, Sarah

[mentalcheesecake]

Mr Chen's Emporium

In the age-old tradition of family book swapping, I somehow landed myself with my Aunty Tina’s copy of Mr Chen’s Emporium by Deborah O’Brien (which I do, of course, intend to return. One day.).

Seventeen year old Amy Duncan and widowed artist Angie Wallace are two unlikely companions, especially given that they live approximately 187 years apart. However, since Angie moved into Amy’s old Manse, they have become very close.

Especially because Angie seems to spend her time obsessing over Amy’s most private possessions, contained in a trunk in her house.

Amy lived in the gold rush town of Millbrooke in 1827, far away from the glittering cities she desires. While a historical mining town may seem mysterious and exciting to us today, back then it was not exactly a teenage dream. Rather dusty and boring in Amy’s opinion. And certainly no place to meet a wealthy husband! (I can hear Mrs. Bennet turning in her fictitious grave!). But there is one thing exciting in this dust bowl of a town: Mr Chen’s Emporium, A boutique of foreign teas and coloured silks from far-away lands-and one very handsome Mr. Charles Chen!  But, of course, being set in a time well before our own, their love is forbidden. He is too old, and a foreigner, certainly not a suitable match for dear Amy...

Angie, on finding several samples of these teas and silks in Amy’s old trunk soon wonders what happened to these lovebirds, and beings to delve deeper into Amy’s past. At the same time, Angie struggles to stop the town from becoming a cheesy tourist hot-spot.

I love stories like these, where the past and the present intertwine to produce a memorable book. A reminder of the great stories in the past, and the ways that our present is influenced by the past of others. It’s like getting to read two books at once! One: A classic tale of forbidden love in what feels like olden-day Europe. Two: A self help guide to getting over the death of your childhood sweetheart.

Funnily enough, the platypus (a bit of an oddity in the animal kingdom, much like Chen’s shop in Millbrooke) plays a starring role in this book as almost a fantasy creature with the ability to predict good fortune (much like Paul the octopus). In any case, I loved the little touch of a conservational message that the platypus brought with it.

I loved the background characters of this story as well. Eliza is Amy’s confidante, who wishes to study medicine in Sydney (in 1827). Richard, Angie’s landlord, is a bit odd and I often wonder what his back story is.

In summary, this is a light novel that can be enjoyed when you have more stressful things on your mind. The historical aspect is somewhat fascinating, and I hope the sequel will be just as enjoyable.

Back to my revision now-I have companion animals and pigs to go-

Sarah

[mentalcheesecake]

German Food

You know how  there are some countries where you just know the kinds of foods that come from there (like Italy and pasta, France and pastry and Japan and sushi)? Well I got to thinking (I'm not entirely sure how I got to this thought), what food comes from Germany? I discovered that there are only a couple of things from Germany that I've actually heard of and that there are a lot of other things that sound kind of hilarious (or like I don't wanna eat it, ever).

Bratwurst

Random herb. You know, for reasons.

Bratwurst are those ugly chunky sausages that you see uncooked and make you reconsider your craving for barbecue. Almost my entire knowledge of even the existence of the bratwurst comes from How I Met Your Mother. Before that it was just the ugly gross looking meat product. They're made of beef, pork or veal and they are crazy bad for you. We're talking 40% of your daily recommended fat intake bad. That's just one sausage too. If you're like the average meat eater I know (I don't count because I eat like two regular small sausages and I'm done for several hours) you're eating three or four of these in one day. I hope you only do that ever four months or something. Damn are they bad for you. I think they are commonly eaten with mustard? The mustard theory was generated entirely from potentially mis-remembered HIMYM and shouldn't be taken as complete fact.

Fliederbeersuppe

This is surprisingly aesthetically pleasing.

I'll be honest. I picked this one purely because I thought the word looked cool. It's a dessert soup made of elderberries and served with semolina dumplings. I was unaware of dessert soups (probably cause they sound like a lot of effort and no-one in my life is willing to put that much effort into things that I eat (including me)) but I kind of like the sound of this one. I wish I knew how to pronounce the name of this stuff because I feel like it'd be really fun to say. I would pay - let's be honest, I really wouldn't - to hear someone pronounce it correctly. Alternatively, and probably more amusingly, I would like to hear a non-German speaking person try to say it and flounder.

Sauerkraut

Another random herb. I don't care how pretty you try to make it, I'm not gonna eat it !

I've heard this constantly throughout my life (for some reason) but I've never actually known what it is. Now that I do know I kind of wish I didn't. It's basically acid fermented, shredded cabbage. I really can't imagine a world in which I actually would want to eat that. It sounds like what your stomach breaks food down into but it's just skipped the digestive process and gone straight to the acid. Not only that but you're actually expected to eat it!? Does anyone even like this stuff or are the Germans playing a massive joke on us?

I hope this taught you guys something. I was gonna do more but I got half way through and decided I was so done with everything that I barely finished this at all.

Have any of you eaten sauerkraut? Is it as horrible as it sounds?

- Jess

P.S. This is completely unrelated but you should REALLY listen to this song here. I think I found my new favourite person!

[mentalcheesecake]

Skulduggery Pleasant

If I were five years younger this would be on my bedroom wall. Although...it may still end up on my wall.

This is one of those books from childhood that make you want to reread them just to make sure they were as good as you remember. I stopped reading the Skulduggery Pleasant series a couple years ago for some reason. Probably something like school work got in the way (or possibly the sheer size of the later books). I decided a few weeks ago to read the first one again and I really wasn't disappointed.

Stephanie Edgely is a normal girl that is utterly unimpressed with her life. There is no excitement, no adventure and she's sick of it. Her uncle passes away, leaving her his crazy enormous house. For some reason her mother thinks it's a good idea to leave an 11 year old alone in the house overnight. A dude breaks in and tries to kill her but a talking skeleton in a very nice suit saves her. She finds out that her uncle was murdered and forces the skeleton (Skulduggery) to take her with him as he solves the case.

The plot is pretty crazy with a lot of magic and history and war and manipulation but, let me just say, Skulduggery Pleasant is hilarious. The level of sarcasm and sass in the pages is astounding and extremely pleasing. I remember being 12 or 13 and reading quotes from the books out with my friends and laughing uncontrollably. To be fair, we laughed uncontrollably at a lot of things but I feel like the point still stands.

The characters are amazing. I was so torn between wanting to be Stephanie and wanting to be Tanith when I was younger. They're both major bad asses and some of the best female role models I've ever seen. They don't take crap from anyone but they can crack jokes and have giggle fits when everyone else is being serious (which sounds a lot like what happens with my own friends).

I really can't find fault with these books except that the cover styles changed after the second book and therefore ruined my bookcase. Why would they do this to me! They would look so amazing but it's RUINED. It's been at least five years and I'm still not over this.

Skulduggery Pleasant is a children's book but the further into the series you get the darker it gets. If I knew an 11 year old that loved to read I would buy this for them almost immediately. Sadly I don't know any children like that because my relatives are boring (also probably too young).

What are your favourite books/series from childhood?

keep reading,

- Jess

[mentalcheesecake]

Tales From Outer Suburbia

Hello All!

Given the very grey, very cold and dreary weather of late, I believe a little bit of eye-pleasing is in order. A selection from my very favourite illustrator (excepting the late Arthur Rackham) should be just the trick to brighten up these days leading up to exams.

People, Tales from Outer Suburbia by Shaun Tan.

A collection of perfectly original stories paired with some of the most gorgeous modern illustrations I have ever seen!

Stories that include:

Where do all the poems-the good, the bad, the ones hastily written in a teenage fervour-go?

Who are the mysterious stick figures that wander through town?

How might you go about ‘making your own pet’?

Some are one page long, some go on for eight pages or more. I love these stories because they can be enjoyed by young and old alike. They don’t preach. There’s no ‘don’t run with scissors’. There’s no ‘be careful’. Kids get that enough from school, the television shows they watch, their parents and their teachers. Sometimes they need a good story. Each page has a new illustration in a different style, which is what separates it further from other children’s books.

I don’t know anyone who doesn’t like Shaun Tan’s books!

Below, I have included a quick overview of some of my favourite illustrations from the book, just to give you an idea of what it's like. These are photographed directly from the book (Tan, S., Tales from Outer Suburbia. 2008. Published by Allen & Unwin.).

Some other books By Shaun Tan that you may enjoy:

The Arrival

The Red Tree

The Lost Thing

  Okay! Well unfortunately that's it for me. Sorry the post was cut short, I have four exams to revise for!

All the best,

Sarah.

[mentalcheesecake]

5 Books That Start With P

I was to write a post about the letter 'P'.

I yelled CHALLENGE ACCEPTED (in text message form) without actually thinking about it. A few minutes later I realised what a broad topic it was and began to panic about what I would write. Was I going to just list random things starting with P (this was almost what happened), or would I go into the history of the letter and its origins? They sounded either really unnecessary or really, really uninteresting.

Then I remembered that we're a blog about books! Today I shall give you some books (that I've read) that begin with the letter P! Don't think about how great I am for actually remembering all these books that start with this letter. I couldn't think of any so I Googled it.

1. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

Pretty sure I have this copy.

This is probably the most obvious and it makes me ashamed that I didn't think of it without the internet's help. How many people exist that HAVEN'T read this book? Or at least seen so many tv and film adaptations starring Colin Firth that they feel like they have. It's a classic and it really is very good. I had to try a couple of times to actually finish the book because, while I love historical fiction, it doesn't flow the same way my brain does and that is hugely difficult for me to get past. That's probably just me though so you should read it. Girls will be impressed that you have or something. Alternatively, read Bridget Jones' Diary because it's the modern version and hilarious.

2. Paper Towns by John Green

This cover is no longer available which is sad because I don't have this cover.

Another unfortunately obvious one that I failed to remember. This is probably my favourite John Green book that was entirely written by John Green (my favourite is Let it Snow because it's cute). Paper Towns is a very funny book that is tinged with the deep thought stuff that we all expect from John Green. There's a lot of metaphor and self questioning but there are also black Santas (read the book) and a badass road trip, so...yeah.

3. Princess Academy by Shannon Hale

I have nothing to say except I'm surprised this book came out of Scholastic.

I just discovered this one has two sequels and I don't know what to believe anymore. *searches internet for copies*

Wait, I'll finish writing this first I guess. For me this is one of those books from your childhood that you've read a billion times and have kept all these years. If you remember my review of The Selection (you probably don't because that was more than six months ago) the story is basically that but for a younger audience so it's way, WAY more innocent. It's a great book (from what I remember) and the ending was in no way what I expected when I first read it ten years ago. I'm not gonna tell you to read this because I don't even know if you can get it anymore since it's from Scholastic.

4. The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

You should probably just ignore the fact that this is a movie poster and not a book cover.

As we all (should) know, 'the' doesn't count in a title. I'm 100% sure I've read this book but I honestly don't remember much about it. I remember the movie and that great dance scene and the way more emotional rest of the movie but the book itself? Not so much. I can't tell you if it's well written but I know people constantly said it was. From memory (which is obviously lacking so feel free to ignore me) the ending in the book is way less clear than it is in the movie. Like, you didn't even realise what'd happened in the book but they made it fairly obvious in the movie. Anyway, feel free to refresh my memory on the story or whatever.

5. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Seth Grahame-Smith

This picture was cooler than the actual cover.

This one is sort of cheating but I felt like including it so shhhh. It's basically just Pride and Prejudice with a zombie subplot inserted into it. When I saw inserted I mean mashed because it wasn't that well done. It's readable but not the best writing you're ever going to read. It is entertaining, though. There are zombies everywhere and all the characters are badass fighters now but Mrs Bennet is still trying to marry her daughters of. If you're bored it's worth a read. I believe the author has done the same thing to quite a few other classics using other monsters as well.

  So that's my list! While writing this I managed to revisit my childhood because I found all these books I remembered reading as a kid and loving that I couldn't include here because they didn't start with P.

Are there other books that you've read that start with P? There probably are. I saw a few that I haven't personally read but most people probably have because I spent a lot of my time a few months ago reading loads of trashy novels rather than anything actually worthwhile or reviewable. This has gone off track.

See you guys week after next and keep reading,

- Jess

P.S. I'm not even sorry for how different all the picture sizes are. You're just gonna have to deal.

P.P.S. I thought you should be aware that this is a book that exists.

Why would you write/publish this?