mg-system

[mg-system]

Apologies but what does TransID mean?

So transID is an umbrella term.

Some examples include people who think they can identify as a different age, race, etc. And many believe they should be treated as such.

Another example is people who believe they can just identify with a disability, mental illness, chronic illness, etc. Without them actually having it. And I don't mean people who self diagnose, I mean people who genuinely do not have those things. Some going as far as to use mobility aids when they don't need them for any reason. (Like someone using a wheelchair when they Don't need to use it at all)

It's really gross and problematic. Especially when so many present themselves to the world as if they are/have those things and demand entrance into spaces and access to resources specifically for certain groups of people.

Of course, I want to be very clear that I'm not talking about people who fit the following categories:

* age regressors

* part-time mobility device users who have a need for them (chronic pain, flare ups of their condition(s), etc)

* informed self diagnosed

* those who thought a diagnosis might apply to them but realize later that they don't

And I'm not going to go too much into trans-species, as there's an overlap with the otherkin/therian community, but obviously there can be problematic stuff with that that isn't actually common.

Hope this helps!

[mg-system]

remember, folks, being a system means being part of a team.

act like it.

[mg-system]

Let's normalize not immediately trying to label your experiences

It's okay to not know what's exactly going on. Trying to label your experiences too soon could lead you down a path of mislabeling your symptoms/experiences. It's okay if you have ideas in the back of your mind on what it /could/ be, but I encourage you to just figure it out in baby steps, but automatically deeply immersing yourself into communities and research could do more harm that good.

You also don't need to use a label to know certain posts, communities, resources, etc. are helpful for you. You don't need permission to read things or think "I might try this tip for managing this".

Because not only is your diagnosis/lackthereof not anyone else's business, but also because a lot of symptoms and experiences overlap with many other disorders.

It's not bad or wrong to figure out things that genuinely help you function purely because you read it from people with (insert disorder) just because you don't have that specific disorder or aren't diagnosed.

Take time to learn, make sure you're cautious of misinformation, and just be respectful towards people who do know what they have going on in their noggin/are diagnosed.

[mg-system]

Usually, when one of us women alters fronts, we can vibe pretty well, maybe a bit of dysphoria (we are a nonbinary trans man), but nothing affirmations from our partner can't help.

But ugh, since I've been fronting I've been feeling the dysphoria, wanting to dress up in traditionally feminine clothes more, and do my makeup.

Not that these are bad things, but having neighbors in close proximity makes that anxiety inducing when we are as stealth as we can be (not telling random old conservatives we're trans).

As the weather heats up it also poses a challenge to most of us in general, when it's hot enough, we care less about presenting as masculine and more about staying cool. Crop tops and shorter shorts are our life in the summer.

Idk what the point of this post is? A little vent? It doesn't help that me feeling like this is triggering a bit of an identity crisis, even when logically I know a lot of us are men, and the current host is a man.

I guess if things in the US get to the point we have to temporarily detransition for our safety.. Then I can host..

Part of me wonders if we should eventually come out as a genderfluid trans man or something, explain that our identity shifts around some, but to still refer to us as a man, or just compare ourselves to the gay dude influencers that put on makeup? 🥲

I've also been feeling generally depressed and I hope that's not dysphoria kicking my butt. And when I dress up I get to feel dysphoria coming from internally from other alters, lose-lose situation-

-🧝‍♀️ (she/her)

[mg-system]

I had a stoned realization last night while processing my therapy appointment, the sheer anxiety and paranoia I have over social situations is pretty much exactly textbook examples of the impacts of manipulation and gaslighting.

And it's..it's hard. Because I know gaslighting. I know manipulation. I was in an abusive relationship before that where my reality was wrong and I was bad.

But it shows how easy it can be to fall into it, especially when you genuinely want to be good. You want to be liked, you yearn for connections and some semblance of "normal".

The intention is to make me question my reality, it is intended to make me try and try but never be able to succeed, leading to self sabotaging because I'm trying so hard to be "normal enough".

No amount of researching the psychology of human relationships will make me "normal".

No amount of logic will make me normal.

No amount of being careful, trying to crack the code to success is going to make me normal.

I've realized "if you have so many issues with different people, what's the common denominator?" Is a partial disservice.

When you're ND, the chances of being misunderstood, misread, not believed, etc. Is so much higher because you genuinely cannot show all the "normal" social cues no matter how hard you try. A friendly bubbly personality that likes to hype people up in genuine ways can be taken as flirting.

Having mental health struggles that can make you seem distant, upset, etc. (when you're not projecting it onto others) can be taken as you being mad, passive aggressive, or having a problem with them where you don't. Having a panic attack and being quiet, crying, or needing to step away doesn't mean you're at fault if people who know you have panic attacks refuse to believe you.

"I don't owe you an explanation, you're an adult" is a true phrase that can be applied in unfair situations. If the person is accusing you of things you're not doing, but refuses to explain all of their reasoning, they're using semi-therapy talk to make you seem entitled.

"you didn't communicate like you agreed about issues you're clearly having with me", when you haven't had a problem so therefore, nothing to communicate. And when you did communicate "I'm anxious", they don't believe you.

One of the hardest things for me is not being believed. Is having my actions and words misinterpreted, and so I have gone into salvage mode or defense mode and made it all worse.

Some people are really good at acting like they know reality more than you do, and any ways you differ from that makes you bad or wrong. Any lack of communication on their end is your fault. Hypocrisy is so hard to understand. They will use past mistakes you've made or bad things you've done against you, no matter how much you've grown, no matter if they were on the receiving end of all of it or not. Instead of following their own boundaries and exiting if they refuse to trust you again, they'd rather use it to abuse you and "punish" you..

I've spent so long thinking over and over "what's wrong with me? How could I avoid these things in the future? Did I do anything wrong that I can improve on?" And of course there's always room to improve, but when you're faced with situations where nothing you do is right, where everything can be twisted and used against you, there was literally nothing you could have done.

It hurts because, more than once I've fallen into things I promised myself I would never let happen to me again, and then I cast blame on myself for not realizing sooner or "letting" it happen. Hindsight is 20/20 and so many decisions we make as humans has a chance of going wrong. We can't always predict what will happen, and manipulation can look different from person to person, even if some of their methods or the end results are the same. That's why anyone can fall into it under the right circumstances.. loneliness is a really powerful thing. Humans generally yearn for community and connection, and when you're lonely, mentally ill, ND, etc. you may be more likely to fall into situations that hurt you.

Idk yet what I'm going to do with this self realization. But I hope it will help me heal and realize that I am who I am, I will make mistakes, I will be misunderstood, I will be seen as weird or bad sometimes. And I just have to somehow accept that risk when interacting with people.

And I have to learn to forgive myself. I'm only human and I'm still learning about the world and myself, it's not my fault if people refuse to accept or believe me. It's not my fault if everything I do is bad, no matter what I do or don't do.

[mg-system]

bro why did nobody tell us we've had "system" in our URL misspelled this entire time lmfao

[mg-system]

While you cannot take back the pain you have inflicted, you can still grow and do better in the future.

You can't take it back, you can't make that pain go away, and you can't expect forgiveness, but you also live for you. Do yourself a favor and strive towards improvement. Not only does it do you a service, but also any future people who come into your life.

You don't have to condemn yourself to eternal suffering and self loathing because of guilt. Perhaps the people you hurt do feel that way, but in my experience, I'd rather the people who hurt ME become better people for future humans who come and go.. instead of not improving, being forever alone, but at the cost of hurting more people along the way.

And that's the thing, isn't it? We can want the people who hurt us to suffer, those are valid real feelings to have. But in practice, this likely includes continuing to inflict pain onto others. We are forced to live with pain caused to us, and forced to live with pain we ourselves cause, but the cycle of pain doesn't have to be constant and never-changing.

Humans can change for the better. You may have people in your life that keep trying to stay by your side even when you continue to hurt them. Don't fall into that mindset of "Eventually, I mess up too much to the point everyone leaves, they'll get tired of me and leave just like everyone else". This self-fulfilling prophecy just hurts everyone in the long run, and I know you don't want that. It's just way too easy to repeat cycles of pain and abuse instead of making consistent genuine efforts towards improvement.

I will not happen over night. It won't happen in a week. You will not magically ditch every toxic behavior you've engrained within yourself, but you can rewrite your future one day at a time. One behavior at a time, one bad habit at a time. Not everyone will believe you can change or believe you have changed, but that's okay. You can't expect the ones you've hurt to believe you. But you CAN change. What you did wasn't okay, and it cannot be excused. But it also can't be used to allow yourself to continue it more and more.

There's help. Even if you lack accessibility to professional help, even if you're on a long wait list or struggling to compile resources, there are people who would be willing to help you with that. There are ways to help yourself, even if that means slower progress that may feel pointless. It isn't pointless.

Please, if you're struggling with any of these cycles of pain, reach out to someone, reach out to us, even. I am not a therapist and can't be, but I can at least try to give some advice/things you can try, but you have to be willing to try. I know what it's like to be hurt, and I know what it's like to cause hurt. And I know that negative self talk is horrible. And I know what it's like to watch someone self-fulfill their own negative prophecies time and time again because weren't willing to try.

Again, Help exists, and don't be afraid to ask for help. If you can't do it for you, do it for future you, or past you, or future people who meet you.

[mg-system]

Genuinely, thank you. This is an issue we've been wanting to post about but just keep deleting it because we can't figure out the right words for it.

Violating boundaries that weren't laid out (and weren't typical/obvious ones)

Acting like everything is fine and you don't even know they have a problem with you until they throw all their accusations and anger at you.

Strategically using their own trauma experiences and therapy-speak to twist you into being the bad guy no matter what you do or say.

And just, so much more. How do you expect someone not to hurt you if you refuse to tell them they're hurting you? How do you expect them to know what they did wrong and not do the thing because you "don't owe them an explanation" and to just figure it out? "You violated my boundary but I don't have to tell you anything else" helps nobody. It doesn't help you, and it doesn't help them.

Relationships require emotional labor, you can't just sit idle and expect any relationship to just go exactly the way you want with 0 explanation, 0 genuine discussions/conversations, and absolutely 0 room for forgiveness regardless of the severity. (I.e. a mistake/misunderstanding, not something absolutely unforgivable).

This is also coming from someone who's been in abusive relationships, and it's so easy to read stuff online and see everyone as a villain because of these influencers and BS "therapists" convincing you of such. Not everything is personal, and relationships aren't always easy. "If he does this then he's definitely cheating" but then you assume and don't communicate like lol.

Communication is a requirement to make any relationship work, platonic, romantic, or otherwise.

is that person actually "demanding emotional labour" from you or did you follow one shitty therapist on twitter

[mg-system]

THIS. ALL. OF. THIS.

I have met more people who eat away at themselves mentally because they feel as if they HAVE to forgive, like that they don't have a choice in the matter but feel like shit because they can't bring themselves to genuinely feel forgiveness. The trauma and pain they were put through causes them even more grief and reoccurring pain because they can't let go of that idea that they have to, because genuinely, sometimes people can't forgive.

It's one of the many reasons we rejected our religious upbringing. When we were young we felt so much anger, disgust, fear, and anxiety over the idea that we had to forgive an adult who hurt us, a child, and will never be held accountable for it. It's genuinely disgusting to think back to that idea that something so horrible should be forgiven or would be forgiven by a higher power. There are people we will never forgive for the pain they caused us.

For some of them, we can humanize them, we can feel empathy for some of them, and we can wish them the best and hope they hurt nobody else, but not every act is deserving of forgiveness.

You don't need to forgive to move forward. You don't need to forgive to humanize someone. You don't have to forgive to heal. What you need to do to heal is individual and will never be a simple "this or that" answer. You don't owe anyone forgiveness.

And another point- if you're focusing so hard on trying to forgive someone who hurt you before you've put other major work into healing from your trauma, you may find it even harder to heal in the long run. Even if forgiveness IS your ultimate goal, it should not be a short term goal or anything that you put on a timeline. Thinking about that long term end goal before you've hit many many other short term and long term goals will likely not do you any favors at all.

I think what some people don't get when they're saying that you need to forgive in order to let go and move on is that.. for some of us... Not forgiving is what gives us peace and allows us to move on.

Not forgiving and admitting I didn't forgive him was like a breath of fresh air. I felt lighter. I felt able to move on. Trying to forgive because I was "supposed" to actually kept me stuck in it. Not forgiving was me saying that what he did was wrong, and I didn't deserve it. It was me realizing I wasn't at fault and to blame. Not forgiving was healing to me.

It's so valid if you forgive and it helped you, but others are equally as valid if they realize forgiveness wasn't for them.

I want to be clear that it's valid if forgiveness was what helped you heal. I don't think you're wrong. I just think it's wrong to assume that everyone has the same needs when healing. We're all different and what works for some doesn't necessarily work for everyone.

[mg-system]

To share a tidbit about us as an OSDD system!

We were one of those people who went through being lonely. So it was very easy to assume that one of our alters was actually just an imaginary friend, or a ghost, or something else. It was nice for our ex host to talk to him, "pretend" he was there and listening, giving him reassurance in the heat of trauma issues and bullying. After all, the only thing that made sense was him being an imaginary friend we used to cope with loneliness, right?

Fast forward into our earlier teenage years and ex host was struggling with his gender identity. We made another social media profile for said alter and the ex host rationalized that it was roleplay, and a bit later rationalized that it was his way of experimenting safely with gender. He didn't like it, though because his personality just seemed to change and be much more angry and aggressive. Eventually came out as trans and years later the crushing realization started to hit that so much WAS real.

This is all to say, if someone is saying "I wish I was a system", or "I have imaginary friends that I created and separated from myself so I can actually interact with them", it could mean they're misinformed, it could mean they're going into faking territory to cope with their own issues, could be separate issue entirely where they struggle to differentiate fantasy vs reality, but it could also mean it's their way of starting to realize they feel the way they do for a reason, and that's really for them to figure out.

This is why I also agree that bullying people is bad, we don't know their circumstances, we don't know what's going on in their brain, we don't know if they're misinformed and lacking the proper language to express what they're feeling. Obviously faking a disorder is bad. BUT I think there's productive ways to address it that isn't bullying, and if they refuse to listen? Block and move on. It's very rare that someone can have their mind changed by a stranger online if an initial educational conversation doesn't work. Threats don't work, insults don't work. Someone making a decision out of fear of bullying/harassment isn't the same as them realizing what theyre doing is wrong, it just means they'll hide it better or not take further steps to investigate what's going on with themselves.

Whenever I see someone saying they “wish they were a system,” I don’t think: “Oh how DARE they try to mock this shit that debilitates me every day!”

I think, “I wonder what in this world could make them feel like they need to have multiple voices in their head.” I think, “Are they lonely..? Did they even have any friends whilst growing up..? Were they neglected..?”

I understand because I also felt this way as a little kid, elementary school age (5-10). **I** wanted to be less alone as a kid, so I created imaginary characters that began to separate and distinguish themselves from one another. While yes, I had some major events of trauma, my trauma was what I thought as “monotonous” or “insignificant.” I just wanted someone to talk to, someone to confide in. I didn’t feel safe telling an adult what I went through, so it was stored in another alter.

You guys are so quick to jump at someone you have no information on in any way. You don’t know how educated this person is on the complexities of DID, and you don’t know what the person went through at all.

Please stop being so harsh and aggressive towards people figuring themselves out.. you would want that grace too..

[mg-system]

One thing we're supposed to be working on as per therapist suggestion is to work on our social life..

And the thing is, that's really really hard for us. We have a LOT of social trauma and are neurodiverse(struggle with social relationships). Not being diagnosed with ADHD until adulthood meant we didn't have access to any skill building earlier on in our life, and because of this we're stuck in a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation.

If we do try to make friends, so often we've ended up being hurt, villanized, misunderstood and not being allowed to explain what we meant, accused of crossing boundaries that were never laid out there...and I don't mean obvious things for what it's worth. It reinforces the trauma.

But if we don't try to socialize at all, we lose more and more social ability in the long run, making us MORE anxious, MORE unsure of what to say or how to say something.

We love having friends, we love helping people, we do our absolute best to not hurt anyone because we don't want to hurt people. We try to be selfless whenever possible, unfortunately even at our own detriment. It just feels like we're broken and that there must be this blaringly obvious issue with us that nobody will reveal. Like we have worked really hard to be a good, understand, and accommodating person. But it's never enough and we just. Don't. Get. It.

"if you have issues with so many people, maybe you're the problem" is a quote we know well, but if we are the problem, no amount of inner soul searching has revealed what it is, and while we aren't owed explanations if we hurt people, we just wish at least one person would so we can do better. We don't know what needs to improve. We don't know what needs to stop or start being done. We've genuinely been trying to figure this out for years and we feel so stuck like nothing is ever going to change.

And it's not like we aren't willing to accept it if we are the problem in some cases!! We know enough to know that not every instance of a friendship ending was our fault, but rather us not wanting to continue friendships with people who abuse others.

I don't know. I don't get it. And I don't even know where to start anymore.

- 😈

[mg-system]

“Love didn’t hurt you. Someone who doesn’t know how to love you hurt you. Don’t confuse the two.”

— Unknown

[mg-system]

"To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering. "

–Friedrich Nietzsche

[mg-system]

"do you ever wish you weren't traumatized?"

Honestly? No we don't. Something about us is that we fear the unknown. Had we not gone through those things in our childhood, we have 0 clue what kind of person we would be. Would I be kind? Would I be as passionate about mental health and helping people? Would I have the partner I have today? Would I have a different name? What if the trauma did actually impact my gender like people asked when we came out?

We don't know.

We know who we are now. We've been through hell, we've made mistakes, we've been hurt so badly. But those are things we DO know.

I would never want to wish for something that I might not like the results of. Even though it could never actually happen, the idea of the wish actually coming true is horrifying.

That being said.. Sometimes we have those thoughts with traumas that happened much later on. Because dealing with the pain from those is somehow more difficult.

Maybe it's because we've had years and years to move on, make progress and easier to accept that since we were a child, there was literally nothing we could have been expected to do about it. But when someone you've known since you were both kids in elementary hurts you in one of the worst ways possible in adulthood.. That sort of complicates things

So yeah lol

[mg-system]

I forgot to respond before posting this, oops!

So starting with the second question, I can't really answer anything about ritual based abuse or anything like that. I can say from my experience that a lot of therapists don't really take the approach of telling you exactly what you went through, since it's kind of complicated and they would risk giving misinformation. They can give you factual information on what something is or any applicable "check lists" that are associated with it. There's a lot of debate around the word RAMCOA and it's not really a professional term, rather those who use it seemed to have started using it based on a category of experiences. I can't speak on the differences there but I /think/ that ritual abuse falls under RAMCOA in the community that it's based around.

For your first question, because DID is a dissociative disorder, you can experience multiple forms of dissociation. Pretty much any alter or amounts of alters can experience severe dissociation. When one feels out of touch with reality or like reality or the world around them is fake,fabricated, foggy, etc. It's called derealization. When one feels out of touch with their body, like almost having an out of body experience, their body doesn't feel real, or overall sensation is just "off", that's depersonalization.

Alter labels are mainly for your own information and to keep track of what's going on. A shell alter is basically a vessel in which other alters can front, or they can be more of a fragment alter that is able to function at the bare minimum or go the day. Or generally a fragment can do specific tasks or basic tasks. For example if someone is extremely out of it but they're able to move through the motions, that could be either just extreme dissociation which can make knowing who's fronting difficult if not impossible, or a fragmented type alter that is just kind of existing.

These kinds of alters can come about when nobody else can handle fronting, when a situation is especially stressful or difficult, and other reasons.

We have days at times where we are so dissociated that we are just kind of going through the motions and getting through the day, and during those days we can just have 0 idea who's fronting, and we've come to accept that sometimes we won't always know and that's okay.. Just getting through the day or dissociation, or trying to figure out if there's an underlying reason we need to address, is what matters more.

ETA: any alter can potentially smile. A lot of alters are good at masking as well since the disorders are meant to be more covert. One can smile even when they feel numb or don't have a genuine reason to smile.

I'm going to ask two questions if that's ok and I would like someone to please answer.

I’m diagnosed with DID.

What is it called when you dissociate so heavily that you feel that no alters at all are in the body but the body is still functioning. It’s like a shell alter but I heard that term is only used for people who have survived RAMCOA and I don’t know if I have gone through RAMCOA. Also now I’m just confused on who’s actually out.

So no alter at all was in the front but the body was still functioning as off there was one but lack of one of our alter. I felt as though one of our alters would peek through occasionally but eventually go back in. Can shell alters smile as well? Lately too I have been recalling a lot of memories I had completely forgotten and I had talked to my therapist about it who is certified in trauma and EMDR. I asked her if the trauma was ritual abuse or anything like that because I didn’t really think it was but what she described was ritual abused matched what I went through and she said it’s up to me to come to the conclusion if I went through ritual, ritualistic or RAMCOA. She had never heard the term of RAMCOA before that session before but ritual and RAMCOA are different right? And also shouldn’t she just tell me what I went through? And is it possible for me to have a shell alter of I went through ritual abuse?

[mg-system]

I'm going to ask two questions if that's ok and I would like someone to please answer.

I'm diagnosed with DID.

What is it called when you dissociate so heavily that you feel that no alters at all are in the body but the body is still functioning. It's like a shell alter but I heard that term is only used for people who have survived RAMCOA and I don't know if I have gone through RAMCOA. Also now I'm just confused on who's actually out.

So no alter at all was in the front but the body was still functioning as off there was one but lack of one of our alter. I felt as though one of our alters would peek through occasionally but eventually go back in. Can shell alters smile as well? Lately too I have been recalling a lot of memories I had completely forgotten and I had talked to my therapist about it who is certified in trauma and EMDR. I asked her if the trauma was ritual abuse or anything like that because I didn't really think it was but what she described was ritual abused matched what I went through and she said it's up to me to come to the conclusion if I went through ritual, ritualistic or RAMCOA. She had never heard the term of RAMCOA before that session before but ritual and RAMCOA are different right? And also shouldn't she just tell me what I went through? And is it possible for me to have a shell alter of I went through ritual abuse?

[mg-system]

I swear the brain was onto something with the majority of the system viewing each other as individuals; we all suck at looking after ourselves but looking after someone else is incredibly easy

so by having multiple ppl inside the sys, we shortcircuit the brain into wanting to look after each other (effectively meaning we look after ourselves).