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[miakataylor]

December 22, 1978

"Can you believe it y/n? Our LAST Christmas at Hogwarts! Moons? Aren't you guys excited? After this year, we'll be free!"  Sirius whooped as he spun around the Gryffindor common room. 

All of Gryffindor tower was empty except for us- James, Lily, Peter, Sirius, Remus and I. We had all decided to stay for Christmas because it would be the last we spent at Hogwarts. Although, at the moment, Sirius was looking a little to happy about that fact. 

I  cuddled into Remus' side and murmured, "Personally, I'm really going to miss it." It wasn't even over, but I felt a sting in my heart, a knowing that it soon would be, and I could never go back to re-live the wonderful, long years I had spent here. 

"I'll drink to that!" James shouted as he careened down the stairs. He held a bottle of liquor in one hand, and Lily's hand in his other. The goofy grin he wore was infectious, and I couldn't stop myself from smiling over at the pair. 

"James Potter-" Lily began to scold, but was silenced by a kiss from James, which she visibly melted into. 

Sirius plopped down beside me, close enough to rest his arm around my shoulders and play with Rem's hair. 

"Alright, lovebirds," Peter said sarcastically from his seat beside the fireplace. 

"You heard the man!" Sirius called over his shoulder at James and Lily who were still snogging. "C'mon, we want to get started!" 

Lily broke away, dragging James by the wristover to the sofa. He sat down, pulling her into his lap. 

"So," I began as I sat up, excited to start the games. "Never have I ever, or truth or dare?" 

Sirius sat up beside me, nuzzling his face into my neck. "Y/n's feeling a little naughty tonight, huh?" I rolled my eyes and shooed him away.

"Only because there is no homework this holiday, silly puppy."

"Oh, of course- always so focused on your work, you never have fuuun..." Sirius sighed into my neck dramatically, before giving it a kiss and sitting back. 

"I say never have I ever," stated Peter, putting us back on track. We all agreed, then scooted to the floor and arranged ourselves in a circle. 

James spun the bottle to determine who would go first. When it came to a stop, it pointed at Sirius, who wore a wicked grin. 

"Never have I ever..." he paused, looking around the circle at each one of us before smirking at James and saying, "Never have I ever done it in the loo at the Three Broomsticks." 

We all burst out laughing. James rolled his eyes and took a swig before handing the bottle over to Lily, who was becoming quite red in the face. She sipped only a little, then fell into a fit of coughs. James rubbed her back until the coughs subsided, then pointed to Peter. "Your turn, Wormy."

The shy blonde boy giggled and said with a sly smirk, "Never have I ever kissed a boy." 

James and Sirius cackled and Remus rolled his eyes, reaching for the bottle. Lily was staring at him as if she was seeing the for the first time. Sirius passed the bottle to me after he had drank, then when I had, I passed it to James while Lily looked on in partial shock. I knew, however, that a part of her half expected this though. It certainly hadn't come as a surprise to me- I had been there every time. 

This time when the bottle was passed to Lily, she gulped it down like it was the medicine to cure her scarred mind. Everyone held back their laughter, and she said, "I actually don't ever want that mental image ever again." 

"Nice one, Pete," I said. He nodded to Remus, who thought for a moment before side eyeing Sirius and stating, "Never have I ever been tied up and begging." 

We all went silent and watched each other to see who would grab the bottle first. Much to our surprise, Peter mumbled, "Fuck it," and snatched the bottle while the rest of us hooted and laughed once more, then all took turns with the liquor, except, of course, for Remus. 

He leaned down to whisper in my ear, "And you enjoyed every minute of it, didn't you, Little One?"

I didn't give the satisfaction of an answer, but I shifted in my spot on the floor. His words had, with the help of the alcohol, gone straight to my core. 

"Y/n's turn," Remus said, gently squeezing my thigh. I studied the faces around me, then treid to determine how mad I wanted to make Rem and Siri. 

After a few moments of careful consideration, I looked up at Remus, not breaking eye contact as I said, "Never have I ever been pegged." 

His dark eyes bore into mine, and I knew that I had fucked up, and yet the alcohol coursing through me couldn't let me care. 

"Oh, give that here," James said. He passed it then to Sirius, who drank and, without looking at Remus, set it down next to him. 

I was still smirking up at him when he picked it up and drank. James, Lily and Peter all "Ooo"'d, but Sirius and I knew better. We both knew that would only add to whatever shit I'd gotten us into tonight. 

The games continued long into the night, and by the end of it, we wee all too drunk to care about what I had done earlier. The last thing I remember before blacking out was that I really didn't want to deal with a bitch of a hangover AND a moody Moony the next morning. 

December 23, 1979

We all sat around the living room in the Potter's new home in Godric's Hollow, where we had decided to celebrate Christmas. I sat beside Sirius on an old sofa, his hand wrapped around mine. I knew this Christmas would be a painful one for him. He had lost not only his brother, Regulus, but also his father earlier this year. 

"Hey Pads, you alright?" Remus asked, sitting down on Sirius' other side. He handed our lover a mug of cocoa with cream and cinnamon on top, his favourite. 

"Hm? Oh. Yeah. I'm just... thinkin." 

Remus and I shot each other a worried look. 

"Take whatever time you need Siri," I said quietly, my heart hurting for the man I loved more than anything. "Moons and I will be here whenever you need. We love you. M'kay?"

He nodded, a small smile coming to his lips as he leaned over to kiss my forehead before leaning into Remus. 

James pranced into the living room, closely followed by Peter.

"Guys!" James said with entirely too much energy. His wide eyes were filled with excitement and he pursed his lips, as if he might accidently say something he wasn't supposed to. 

"We have something to tell you!" I glanced over at Peter, who shrugged and sat in the chair beside the fireplace. 

"Where is Lily?" I asked, both curious and growing a little worried for my friend. 

"Well... she is currently in the loo, being sick. However, she has told me to come tell you." 

I started out of my seat to the lavatory, but James held out his hands, motioning for me to stay seated. 

"No, she's fine... she's just... were just... I mean she's-" 

"Just spit in out, Prongs!" Sirius said from beside me, leaning forward in his seat. 

"Yeah, you're driving us crazy," I added. 

"Lily's pregnant!" 

It was quiet for only a moment while we all processed this information, then all Hades broke loose. Everyone jumped out of their seats, congratulating James, who looked as if he still couldn't believe it himself. When I had said my congrats to James, I ran to the bathroom where I found Lily at the sink, wiping her mouth with a wet cloth. I barreled into her, giving her a hug, and making her grunt. 

"Oh my gods, Lil! Congratulations! This is amazing!" She laughed, untangling herself from the embrace. 

"Thank you!" She beamed, a brilliant smile spreading over her lips. 

"Have you got any names picked out?" I asked excitedly. She nodded.

"If they are we'd like to name her Iris, after my Gran, and if it's a boy-" she stopped, a look of dread replacing the smile she had just worn. She quickly knelt down to the toilet and vomited again. I held her hair away, offering her a cup of water and the cool cloth, which she accepted gratefully. 

"And if they're a boy, Harry," she said, grinning at me , then turning back as another wave of nausea hit. 

December 24, 1980

“Who’s Uncle Pads’ best boy?”

Little Harry laughed his adorable, infectious little laugh as Sirius cradled him in his arms. 

We were at James and Lil's place again this year for a very special Christmas- Harry's first. Lily sat on James' lap in their loveseat, while Sirius and I sat across the room on the sofa. Rem sat against the wall, book in hand, and Pete lay sprawled in the middle of the floor. The Potter's tree stood in a corner, the gold star nearly scraping the low ceiling. It's lights gave a soft, warm glow that was comforting, and gave the whole room a cozy affect.

I sighed, content. This Christmas would be a good one. I rested my chin on Sirius' shoulder, peering down at Harry. 

“Yeah, you're my little buddy, aren't you?" James chuckled at his friends' antics while wrapping his arms around Lily's waist, placing a soft kiss on her neck. Lil laid her head against his chest, cuddling into him, clearly relaxed for what seemed like the first time in a long time. But having a kid did that to you, I guessed. The sight of the two made me smile. I was thankful that we were all here, loving and living, and that we got to do it like we always had- together. 

Remus caught my gaze, smiling gently for a moment before closing his book and standing, making his way over to the sofa, plopping down on my other side. I leaned toward him and he chuckled, kissing my forehead. We turned to watch Sirius as he cooed at Harry, who's giggles were sounding more and more tired. 

A 'tap tap' sound came from the kitchen window, signifying the arrival of an owl. 

"I'll get that," James said, both he and Lily standing and stretching. He kissed her gently before going into the next room, Peter tailing him. Lily walked over to get Harry, saying, "Say goodnight, Uncle Pads... It is passed little guy's bedtime." She picked him up gently, cooing to him when he began to cry, and taking him out of the room, into his own. 

Sirius groaned as he stretched his long legs before sitting back up and turning to watch Remus and I. 

"Whatcha thinking, love?" I asked, taking his hand in my own. He didn't say anything for a while. "Oh, nothing. Just... gives a person ideas." I raised an eyebrow at that. "What kind of ideas?"

He chuckled, leaning down to kiss my forehead, then across me to kiss Remus. "Families and such." 

I felt a spark ignite in my abdomen. I had never thought of the possibility of having a family. I had never looked that far into the future. Of course, now that Sirius had mentioned it, the idea sounded like a wonderful one, and I could barely contain my joy at the thought. 

"That sounds like a grand idea, Pads," Remus said, and I turned to stare at him. His dark eyes searched my own, then went to my lips, and he asked, "What do you think, y/n? Do you think you're ready for a family?" I couldn't speak as tears welled in my eyes, but I nodded. 

"That sounds wonderful, Moons. Pads." I felt Sirius slip his arm around my hips, while Remus' went around my shoulders. I rested my head on Remus' chest while my fingers tangled with Siri's, playing with his rings. I smiled as I thought about what this mean for us, as I thought about the family we would raise together. 

When James, Lily and Peter returned, I immediately knew something was wrong. James' eyes were filled with anger, Lily's glassy and Peter's teary. James clutched a note in his hand. I felt my lovers tense, and I quickly stood. 

"What's wrong?" I asked, almost afraid to find out. We had been so happy, and as selfish as it felt in that moment, I almost begged for no one to say what was so wrong so that we could hold onto our happy moment. But it was not so, and it never would be. 

James didn't say anything, looking between Lily, my lovers and I. 

"Prongs, what the hell happened?" 

"Gideon and Fabian Prewitt were killed this evening by a group of death eaters." 

The shock of his message seemed to hit me like a bag of bricks, and I sat down.

"It's begun."

December 25, 1981

I shivered, pulling my coat tighter around my too small frame and bulging belly. Remus stood beside me in the Godric Hollow cemetery, two roses in hand. It was too cold this Christmas, in more ways than one. I took one of the roses from Remus and slowly got to my knees in front of a new headstone that read, "James and Lily Potter, beloved friends and parents, taken from us far too soon."

I placed the rose at the base of the headstone whispering, "It's Christmas, guys... I miss you." 

Remus knelt beside me, wrapping a comforting arm around my shoulders. "I wish you guys could be here right now," he whispered. We were both silent for a few moments, and I thought about the passed Christmases, all spent in the company of those who weren't with us anymore, one way or another. 

My shoulders shook as the sobs I had been pressing down forced their way to the surface. "No, no, no, no. This is all wrong. Why- How could I let this happen, Remus!?" I dug my nails into the earth, as if that would let me hold my friends for one more second. 

Remus pulled me into him, wrapping  both his arms around my shaking shoulders and burying his face in my neck. He held me as I cried, heart wrenching sobs that seemed to steal the air from my lungs. My hands found their way to my pregnant belly, and I cried harder, remembering the other part of myself I had lost that day. 

"Remus," I choked through my sobs, "I miss him... I miss him so much I-" 

I raked my nails up and down my arms, trying to make my body feel as much pain as my  heart and mind were feeling in that moment, trying to reconcile the fact that I had lost not only my best friends that day, but also my husband, my lover, and it hurt like hell. 

Remus caught me hands in his own, wrapping me in a hug and whispering through his own tears, "I know.. I know. I miss him too. I miss all of them." 

We sat there, curled into each other on the ground in the cemetery for a long time, neither of us ready or able to move away from that spot. When my sobs had turned to sniffles, Remus stood, helped me up and said something about getting me inside. It had begun to snow, big fluffy flakes that stuck in our hair, as we began to make our way back home. 

Before we left the cemetery, I looked back one last time at the headstone. The two roses in front of it were the only splashes of colour in a sea of grey, white and black. 

"Happy Christmas Prongs. Lils," I whispered. I let myself be led away by my husband who was as lost and broken as I was. I looked to the sky and whispered it again, hoping it would somehow be carried on the wind to the ears of the only person I still had a chance to get back. I vowed then that I would do whatever it took to get to Sirius, to free him. 

"We'll find a way," Remus said, his voice thick with emotion and tear in the corners of his eyes. "We'll find a way," he said again, almost to himself before pressing his lips to my cold forehead, like he and Sirius would always do. "I promise, Little One."

——————————————————————————

Regulus Black died on June 28, 1979 after being sent on a mission by the Dark Lord. He was killed by the Inferi, corpses that have been reanimated by a dark wizard, that resided in the particular cave that the Dark Lord ordered his horcrux locket be hidden.

Orion Black died in the year 1979. The date is unknown, as is the cause. 

Gideon and Fabian were not killed on December 24, 1980. There is no exact date, but it is estimated that it was before Halloween of that year. However, for the sake of the story, I made it so. 

James and Lily Potter were killed October 31, 1981, by the Dark Lord. He came into their home in Godric's Hollow with the intent to kill their 1 year old son, Harold James Potter, for being one of two possible children prophesied to end his existence. 

Sirius Black was taken into custody November 1, 1981. He was accused of betraying the Potters and of killing Peter Pettigrew, and 12 muggles. His innocence was never legally proven, and he sentenced to life in Azkaban. However, he escaped in the autumn of 1993. He died and innocent man in 1996, killed by his cousin, Bellatrix Lestrange, after a battle with the Dark Lord and his Death Eaters. 

Peter Pettigrew lived as the rat Scabbers from October 31, 1981, until June 6, 1994. He returned to his human form when forced to by Sirius Black. He escaped, returning to his master, the Dark Lord, and serving him until his death in the April of 1998. The hand he had been given by his master strangled him to death when he hesitated to take Harry's life at the skirmish at Malfoy Manor. 

Remus Lupin died May 2, 1998 in the battle at Hogwarts. He was killed by Death Eater Antonin Dolohov. 

——————————————————————————

Well. I am thoroughly depressed now.

I hope you felt something while reading this. That is all.      ~Miaka 1/19/23

[miakataylor]

I just finished the rough draft of a Marauders Christmas fic… when I tell you my heart broke when I wrote this, I mean my soul SHATTERED. Like… I felt every word I wrote. Aghhhhh

But anywho, it’ll be out by the end of this weekend, hopefully. 🖤

[miakataylor]

Y’all. I just went back and read my own one shots, and I cried. That was a time when my parents fought quite often, and I didn’t know what to do with the emotions that provided, so I wrote what I needed, like the comfort of Star Gazing, or I would write the kind of pain I felt, like in Goodnight.

But all of that aside, holy shit. I am still completely and irrevocably in love with Newt and reading those just killed my soul a little. Okay, that’s all. 😂🖤🌹

[miakataylor]

I often wonder what happened to authors of unfinished fanfictions.

[miakataylor]

Okay. I have seen it around, and I just need to tell you guys that the tag, "Draco Malfoy is a little shit," is literally the best thing ever. You can't change my mind.

[miakataylor]

Newt x reader ~ In Case You Don't Live Forever

Y/n sat in the lookout tree. It was early evening now and all of the boys had been given an evening off. Newt sat with her, his head in her lap, and she absently played with his hair as she watched the sun set over the west wall.

"Love, what's on your mind?" Newt asked, breaking the quiet, reaching up and brushing his thumb across her cheek to get her attention.

"Hmm?" she asked, looking down. "I asked what was on your mind. You seemed deep in thought about something."

"I was just thinking about our life would be like if we ever get out of here."

"You mean when we get out of here. And... Life? Not... lives?"

Y/n blushed slightly and looked away. "Well, that is, if you still want a life together after..."

He chuckled lightly and made her look at him again. "Of course I do, I just wasn't sure if you meant it, or just hadn't thought about what you were saying."

Y/n sighed and laughed, relieved by his answer.

"Anyway... what would our life be like?" he asked and she smirked, pretending to be deep in thought.

"Hmm... well, of course we'd have a house... oh, one on the Ocean side-"

"-with a balcony looking out over the water-"

"-and with space in the yard for gardens."

She looked down at him, smiling, then looked away again.

"And we could have kids, if you wanted..."

"A little boy with my hair and your eyes-"

"-and a little girl with your smile, and both with your accent!"

At the last comment, he laughed, a musical sound that Y/n had grown to love.

"I don't think I'll have much of a say on if our children have my accent or not, but I'll do my best to make sure they do."

They sat in silence for a few minutes until Newt reached up and stoked her cheek with the back of his fingers. "Sing for me?"

Y/n took a deep breath. There was a song she had been meaning to sing for him for a while...

She began singing softly, her fingers raking through his hair.

"You.. put all your faith in my dreams... You gave me the world that I wanted. What did I do to deserve you? I... follow your steps with my feet, I walk on the road that you started, I need you to know that I heard you, every word..."

She paused, glancing down to see his eyes were closed and she felt him relax under her touch.

"I've waited way to long to say... everything you mean to me..."

She hoped he knew that even though these words hadn't been hers to begin with, she meant every word.

"In case you don't live forever, let me tell you now... I love you more than you'll ever wrap your head around... In case you don't live forever, let me tell you the truth. I'm everything that I am, because of you."

She felt him shift and glanced down to see him gazing up at her through half opened eyes.

"I... I've carried this song in my mind, listen it's echoing in me. But I haven't helped you to hear it. We... we've only got so much time, and I'm pretty sure it would kill me if you didnt know the pieces of me are pieces of you. I've waited way to long to say... Everything you mean to me. In case you don't live forever, let me tell you now; I love you more than you'll ever wrap your head around. In case you don't live forever, let me tell you the truth. I'm everything that I am... because of you."

She drew the last note out a little, then caught her breath, purposely not making eye contact with Newt.

He reached up and guided her chin with his hand, making her look down at him. Then, he pulled her down, gently kissing her. When they had pulled apart, he whispered, "I love you too." 

~ 18 months later

She watched from too far away as the knife found it's mark in Newt's chest. She heard someone scream in pure agony and after a moment, realized it was herself.

She ran to him, panic flooding her system. She shoved Thomas to the side and cradling Newt's head in her lap, brushing his damp hair off his face.

"Newt, look at me. No, you look at me! Newt!" She saw his hand slowly start to rise, as if to stroke her cheek... then watched as the life drain out of his eyes and felt all the tension in his body release, his hand falling back to his side.

 She choked back a sob and began slowly rocking back and forth.

"In case you don't live forever, let me tell you now, I love you more-"

Her sobs cut her off and she held his lifeless body, hoping he would sit up any moment and tell her everything would be alright.

Minutes passed and the only movement was the arrival of Minho, Brenda, and Gally.

"Is he..." Gally wanted to know. Thomas nodded, feeling numb.

Brenda was the one who finally said, "We have to go. Now."

Everyone else hesitantly turned to leave but Y/n stayed where she was, rocking back and forth, hot tears making tracks down her dirty face.

Thomas tried to get her up, tried to tell her they had to move, but it was like she wasn't even there. When he and Minho tried to pick her up, away from Newt's body, she wriggled free, not leaving him, even for an instant.

"Y/n, listen to me." She held on tighter. "No, no, no, I'm not leaving him!"

"Y/n, listen."

Minho's voice was loud and firm, but when Y/n's teary e/c eyes met his, she saw only tears and sorrow.

"Listen to me. He isn't here anymore, okay? He is gone. He's gone."

Y/n shook her head slowly, but her grip loosened and Minho pulled her away.

Her sobs rang through the air, cries of pure anguish piercing the too warm air of the burning city.

Minho, still being weak, carefully set her on her feet a few feet away, only to have her crumble to the ground.

Gally stepped in and scooped her up bridal style and she buried her face in his chest.

"C'mon," he said quietly to the others before following Brenda out of the burning city and away from Newt's body. 

~

8/17/21

[miakataylor]

Newt x reader ~ A Cold Bed

I woke up, and the first thing I noticed was that I was in a cold bed.

I pulled the blanket up under my chin and reminded myself that a cold bed would be the only thing I'd ever wake up in again.

It was one year today. One year since I watched the love of my life die in my arms. I didn't want to get out of bed, but there was to much to be done. This wasn't a free for all. 

Everyone else seemed to know about it too, because all day I kept getting worried glances from my friends and curious ones from the other immunes. I wanted to snap at them, tell them to shuck off, but I knew they were just worried. But I didn't want them to worry, I just wanted to forget. 

I hadn't said much after... well, you know. And I didn't sing anymore either, my music and inspiration leaving me when Newt did. And it had been that way for a whole year now, not a single thing changed. 

At lunch, I grabbed an apple from the kitchen and walked down to the beach. There were a few couples there, spread out so they could have their lunch dates in peace. I wondered what it would have been like, if he was here-

'No.' I shook my head to clear my thoughts and moved on, not looking at them again as I made my way around them to where flat rocks jutted out over the ocean, and I sat down, tossing my apple from one hand to the other.

I wasn't really hungry. I had just grabbed it because I knew that if I didnt, someone would come "check up on me". 

I never really ate much anymore, but no one else needed to know that.

I sighed, and smoothed my - his - jacket down and pulled it tighter around my shoulders when the wind blew in from the ocean.

It smelled of salt and of so many other things I couldn't place. It was a small I couldn't quite explain, but I had loved since the first time I had smelled it.

I closed my eyes and let the wind blow my hair back from my face, enjoying the scent and taking in the rare moment of peace. Then that moment was broken.

I heard someone approach the rock where I sat, and then felt as they plopped down next to me, not bothering to open my eyes and look to see who the intruder of my peace was. 

"Hey." It was Minho. "Watcha doin?"

I didnt answer, instead leaning over and resting my head on his shoulder. He smelled like the ocean, too.

He wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him. "I know you probably don't want to hear this," he began hesitantly, pulling his head back to look me in the eyes.

"Minho, if this is about Newt...." I looked up at him, my exhaustion showing through. I didn't want to be reminded of everything I had lost, again.

He disregarded it, and continued on.

"But you really do have friends here who will help you move on if you would let them." I sighed, defeated, and looked back out to the ocean.

My friend continued in a quieter voice. "You know Newt wouldn't have wanted to hold you down after he was gone. I think... I think it's time to let him go."

When I didn't respond to that, he stood and began walking away, leaving me to think about his words. As he left, he was met by Brenda.

" Minho, y/n. There is a new group that just came in, and it's got a lot more people than usual. Vince asked for your guys' help."

"Alright." I stood up and followed them, slipping the apple into my pocket for later. 

This happened quite often. More people, mostly kids like us, made their way here looking for refuge, a home, protection from WCKD and the Scorch.

Minho and Brenda jogged ahead, but I was in no hurry. It's not like there was a push for time. Here, we had all the time in the world to do anything... and sometimes, that could be a curse. More often than not, I would sit alone in my thoughts... and that's when the feelings I tried so hard to push down got the better of me. 

When I reached the group, I could tell something was off. While the other immunes got the newbies, or Greenies, as we still liked to call them, all settled in, taking names and what not, I saw a group of people- my people-  not moving, just staring with shocked expressions on their faces, a few even crying.

I froze. What had happened? Did someone get hurt? Even though my mind was racing with every possible way something could have gone wrong, my feet wouldn't move. 

Then, Thomas launched himself forward, then Minho, then Brenda, and Gally wrapped his arms around the group. It took me a moment before I realized they were all hugging someone.

Minho was the first to pull back. "Wait until y/n gets here!" I heard the person receiving the affection say something, but it was to quiet to hear and I could barely make out a voice at all. I took a small step closer. 

Minho answered with, "Yes, of course she is! That girl is stronger than all of us shanks combined." The group laughed, some through their tears, and Minho turned to look for me.

I didn't move. I wasn't sure who, or what, waited for me, and when Minho's eyes met mine, I could tell he was crying.

He gestured for me to go to him, but I didnt move, my feet rooted to the spot.

He came over to me and slung an arm around my shoulder, guiding me towards the group. "Minho... what happened?"

He didn't answer, and I could feel my heart beating faster than it should have been, out of fear or excitement, I wasn't sure.

As we approached the group, my friends pulled back to reveal the object of their affection and I felt my heart stop. My breath stuck in my throat and my hand flew to cover my mouth as my eyes began to water gainst my will.

"Newt?"

It was him. It was Newt.

His hair was longer than I remembered and his skin was darker from the sun too. But it was him, really him.

An agonizingly long moment passed when all we could do was look at each other, take in the differences since we had last seen each other, trying to accept the fact that we were actually there, together again.

Then everything seemed to happen all at once. A loud sob escaped my lips amd we rushed forward, me falling I to him and him wrapping me in a hug so tight I thought I'd feel it forever. If he hadn't been holding me, I would have fallen to the ground, my knees felt so weak.

I released a sob into his shoulder, my head trying to decided if this was real or not, and my heart hoping it was. 

 After a moment, he pulled back and looked into my eyes with his own dark ones. I touched his face, moving my hand across his jaw, up his cheek, around his eye, down his nose and ended on his lips.

"You're really here..." I was shaken, sure I was dreaming. "I watched you die..."

He shook his head. "WCKD found me. Well, what was left of WCKD." He glanced at Thomas when he said that. "Saved my life, gave me the cure... then tried to use me as their lab rat again. I got away, thanks to what was left of that Lawrence guy's army, and then it was arranged for me to come here with the next group...."

Vince walked up to us and shook Newts hand, beaming. "Its good to have you back with us. You've been... very missed."

Newt nodded his thanks, and pulled me closer to him, if that was possible.

After Vince had walked away, he tucked his head into the crook of my neck and whispered against my skin, "God, I missed you so much."

My tears began after that, and entire years worth of unfathomable sadness and bottles up grief pouring out in that moment. I cried, letting out all of the anger I didn't know I had stored up, all of the pain I had felt, all of the loss. 

"Promise me," I said through my tears, my voice breaking. "Promise me you'll never leave me again. Where you go, I will go too."

"I promise... where you go, I go."

Later that night, there was a celebration to welcome the Greenies to their new home. "How does it feel to be a Greenie again, Newt?" Fry pan teased at one point. "Better than you can imagine," he laughed, looking at me.

After catching up with the others, Newt led me back to our now shared hut, and pulled me into a hug.

"Y/n?"

"Hmm?"

"Will you marry me?"

I pulled back to look in his eyes, see if he truly meant it. He held my gaze expectantly and I felt tears sting my eyes once more and I nodded my head, unable to say anything for fear I would break down again.

"I love you so much," he said, his voice thick with emotion and his accent as soft and as strong as I remembered it.

"I love you too," I whispered, and kissed him without thinking.

He held my neck with one hand and pulled me closer with the other, kissing me back with the passion of a long lost lover.

We broke apart finally, our heads resting against each others as we breathed.

Then he picked me up and carried me over to our bed, kissing me all the way.

That night, just before I fell asleep, I heard him whisper, "I have been so lost without you... and now I am home."

I smiled for the first time in forever and drifted off with the thought, 'I'll never wake up in a cold bed again.'

~ 

8/10/21

[miakataylor]

Newt x reader ~ Goodnight

They had done it. They had found the cure. They had made it to the Safe Haven. She had done everything he had said they would do, but it didn't matter anymore. None of it mattered anymore because he wasn't here to see it. 

She sat on the outskirts of her camp, watching the light fade from the sky and the stars come out.

She felt a tear trickle down her cheek as she thought of all the times they had sat together in the Glade and in the Scorch and watched the stars.

Now she was doing it alone.

She pulled her jacket tighter around herself as the evening grew colder, and thought about all the similarities between herself and this jacket. They were both beaten and broken beyond repair. It was torn, and fraying at the seams, just like she was. And they had both once belonged to Newt.

She was as quiet as the night around her. Her body wracked with sobs and tears streamed down her cheeks and she raked her nails over her arms, trying to make her body feel as much pain as her heart did in that moment, trying to reconcile this.

"Newt..." his name had come out as a whisper on her lips, a pleading prayer.

She felt strong arms wrap around her and pull her close. "Shh... it's alright, y/n." Minho's voice was soft as he tried to comfort her.

"I miss him," y/n gasped through her tears. "I miss him so much, Minho."

She could feel her friend's tears as well as her own damp on her skin. "I know. Me too." The pain was so great, she felt like it was crushing her. "I can't- I need him, Minho. I- 

"Hey, listen to me." His voice was soft but firm when when he said this. "What would Newt think of you giving up, huh?"

At the sound of his name, a piercing pain gripped her heart. "What would he say if you threw away everything he worked for? Everything he had worked to give you?"

'Everything he gave his life for.'

 He didnt say it, but he didnt have to. She knew he was right, but that didnt make any of it easier.

 "It just hurts so much!" He held her for a long time, until they were both to exhausted to cry anymore.

"C'mon. Let's go say goodnight." She knew what he meant. They numbly made their way to the memorial in the center of the camp and Y/n traced each letter of his name with a shaky hand.

"Goodnight... wish you were here man," Minho said quietly. Another year slipped down y/n's cheek and she closed her eyes.

"Good night, Newt."

~ 

8/3/21

[miakataylor]

Newt x reader ~ Star Gazing

You sat alone in the dead heads, leaning back against a tree. It was night, but you couldn't sleep.

Neither, it seemed, could half of the boys because you heard roars or laughter and shouts of, "Shut up!" coming from the Homestead. 

You sighed, and stood to your feet, making your way through the dewy grass to the lookout tree and climbing the ladder quietly. Maybe you would be able to sit quietly and think there.

That's what was keeping you awake. It's what was always keeping you awake on the nights you couldn't seem to find rest in the whole three years you had spent in the Glade.

When you reached the top, you froze. Apparently you hadn't been the only one with the idea to come up here. 

Newt stood at the rail, his head tipped back, looking up at the clear, star filled sky. His hair, usually golden in the daylight, looked silver under the light of the moon, and the cool, gentle breeze moved the loose strands around. His back was to you, so it was easy to go unnoticed until you quietly stepped up next to him. 

He glanced down at you before looking back at the sky.

"You couldn't sleep either?" His voice was rough from disuse and his accent was heavier than usual.

You didn't answer, and he didn't push you. He knew better than anyone else in the Glade what you were like when you were tired, and if talking wasn't absolutely necessary, you wouldn't do it.

He pointed to a star pattern, a constellation, and said in a soft voice, "See that one? That's Orion. Now look at those three all in a row, his belt. Follow it straight that way and down a little... see?" You followed his finger and saw a particularly bright star. "That star is called Sirius. It is one of my favorites." You nodded, admiring the beauty of the star, then the night sky as a while.

You took the opportunity to duck under his arm so it was around your shoulders and lay your head against him.

He looked down at you for a moment, a little surprised before wrapping his arms around you and pulling you closer to his body.

After a few minutes of quietly admiring the stars, you reached up, put your arms around his neck, and rested your head against his chest. 

As you stood in each others arms, you listened to his heart beat, felt the heat from his body warming your own, making you more comfortable on the cool summer evening. 

Newt began humming, and as he did, you slowly moved back and forth in his arms. He moved with you and together you danced under the stars.

Newt would glance down at you from time to time and watch as you mouthed the words to the song he was humming. Of course, you knew it. You were the one who taught him the song. At one point one of your hands ended up back on his chest, and he felt you drawing pictures with your finger against his shirt, but after a while, even your hand went still. 

When finally he stopped, your eyes were closed, your breathing slow and even. He smiled to himself and scooped you up into his arms bridal style and carefully made his way to one side of the lookout. He sat down, settling you between his legs with your head resting back on his chest.

You turned in your sleep, snuggling closer to him and he rested his head against yours. He gazed down at you, brushing loose strands of your y/h/c hair back from your face. He felt himself relaxing as he watched you sleep peacefully. 

"I love you, Y/n." 

~

8/3/21