midthirtycrisis-blog

[midthirtycrisis-blog]

if ur in your Mid-Thirties and you don’t know wth ur doing u’ll relate to me

I miss my twenties. I’m not saying that I miss the youth in any superficial way; the energy I had to pull an all night whatever and still be ok to function the next day or the fact that you can eat a whole bucket of KFC and still not gain a pound overnight.

I mean I miss the confidence. I miss the juvenile self-assurance that I used to have on every decision I had ever made…. Not that they were the best but at least at the time I was sure of it. You know?

Now, my every day seems like I am in a daze… like a bad soap opera where there are no hot Latin guys seducing me.

Technically, in my mid-thirties, I’m supposed to have most of it all figured out right? Or at least, that is how other people seem to have it… but for me, the older I seem to get the more confused I seem to be to a point where I am not even sure of what the hell I’m feeling.

I have no idea what I’m feeling! Who gets confused on what they are feeling?

You go through your life being thought one thing and that certain values and rules are to be followed and you have to be considerate or more like, your made to pay attention to, consciously or otherwise, what other people think and say about you that it seems now I have lost the ability to know exactly how I feel and know what I want without having someone validation!

I am told constantly that I have too many secrets that they can’t figure out what I’m really feeling or thinking maybe most of the time when they ask, my answer is that I am fine. Most of the time that is what I thought I was. FINE.

But now, I find it hard to get up in the morning. I find it I can’t laugh. I am constantly crying without even knowing why.

So here I am trying to figure out what the hell is going on in my life before I ruin myself for the long hall. Maybe in writing and maybe throwing it out there somewhere would help me make sense of it all.